SATURDAY! Star Wars, Guitars, and Antiques …all in one place?


A while back, a friend of ours who is a teacher invited my wife & I to a Learning Festival that’s happening at her school this Saturday (May 12th).  I can’t wait to go check it out!  All of my favorite stuff is going to be in one place.  Garrison Carida of the 501st Legion will be walking around in Star Wars attire, there will be a dude showing his guitar collection (there’s 50 of them!), they’ll be raffling a Fender Stratocaster from Moonlight Music, there will be free appraisals of collectables, and much much more!  Looking at the flyer, it’s like I put the thing together with all of my favorite stuff.

Our friend is taking her 7 year old nephew, my wife is taking me.  Ha!  At any rate, I know other geeks read this that may be interested.  Here’s the official flyer:

Apollo-Ridge Education Foundation Learning Festival

Apollo-Ridge Education Foundation Learning Festival – Sat. May 12th, 2012 (Click the image to go to their website.)

So, that’s Saturday 10:00am to 4:00pm at Apollo Ridge School District.  Admission is free, and it’s located at…

1825 State Route 56 East
Spring Church, PA  15686

Check it out, maybe we’ll see you there!

The One Hour Dry Cleaning Myth


Don’t ever go to Century Cleaners on Brookline Blvd. in Brookline.  They’re incredibly rude, unprofessional, and a bunch of false advertisers.

Perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself.

We had a large amount of things going on this past weekend.  My wife’s grandmother passed away early on Thursday morning, her parents were set to close on their old house (her childhood home) & the new one on Friday, we were helping them move along with some extended family on Saturday, there was the viewing Sunday and the Funeral was Monday.

I had just worn my suit in a good friend’s wedding last Tuesday morning, which is another story entirely… but I needed my suit cleaned.  No one wants to be the smelly kid, & I had some wrinkles on the butt of the jacket.  I wanted it to look sharply pressed for the weekend.  Unfortunately, I only have one suit, and planned to wear it twice this weekend with a different shirt & tie.  With the frequency which I actually wear it, one has suited (pun intended) me well.  Perhaps another is in order.

Bethany had the day off on Friday to process everything going on with her Grandma, her parents’ move, & more… so she decided to use it to get some errands done.  I found what I thought to be a one-hour cleaner or at least same day service cleaners online Thursday night, as Model Cleaners (where regularly take stuff) doesn’t offer a same-day service.

I quickly came up with the Century Cleaners profile at the Dormont-Brookline Patch, and this is the description I read:

Dry cleaning establishments have long been a fixture at 1200 Brookline Boulevard and Century Cleaners has done business in this location for eight years. They offer same day service, as well as alterations, drapery cleaning and rehanging and wedding gown preservation. All of Century’s work is done on the premises.

  • Hours: Mon – Fri, 8am – 6pm; Sat, 8am – 2pm
  • Parking: Free lot, On-street: free
  • Services: Alterations, Dry cleaning, Ironing, Leather cleaning

These were among the photos that I saw at the listing…

Century Cleaners - False Advertising

Century Cleaners’ Blatant False Advertising (Photo Credit: Annette Bassett Sanchez, Dormont-Brookline Patch)

So, that little sign on the side advertises “SAME DAY SERVICE” pretty largely, right?  The neon sign right in the middle of the name above the door boasts “1 HR. DRY CLEANING“, right?

They clearly had no intention of providing either service on Friday.

My wife was there in the 9:00 hour, and asked about the 1 hour service.  This was the first of several local errands for the day.  Right away she was met with resistance, and asked what the suit was needed for.  At this point, what does it matter?  Whether it’s needed for a job interview, a funeral, a wedding, a TV appearance, for first contact with aliens at midnight, or just lounging around the house… urgent completion was requested.

She then asked about same-day service.  Again, “When do you need it by?”

Again, what does it matter?  Whether we’re meeting the pope and the president this afternoon or going to shoot a porn movie, what business is it of theirs?  She requested one hour service, is now deferring to same day.  It was 9:00am and the were open until 6:00pm.  The sign boasts that they do the work there & don’t send it out.  Surely that would be enough time to clean a suit… even if there were many other urgent cleanings ahead of us in line?

I could almost see being denied same-day service at 4:00 or 5:00pm, but 9:00am?  That’s just ludicrous.

Already harrowed from everything going on, and in shock from being argued with by someone behind the counter at a service-oriented business, she told them that we needed the suit for a funeral on Saturday, and they negotiated to a pickup first thing in the morning.  She asked what time they opened on Saturday and they said 7:00am, so that was that.  We thought.

We were to be at her parent’s old house by 7:30am that Saturday to start to help with the move, so 7:00 was cutting it close.  We stopped & bought donuts, got some ice for the water in the cooler, and were parked on the street in front of the dry cleaners’ at 6:55am.  A woman arrived shortly before seven, propped the door open, & went inside.  I gave her a few minutes to get settled then walked in shortly after 7:00am, ticket in hand.

The woman was in the back of the room behind miles of clothing hung on racks, and I had a few minutes to soak in my surroundings.  Paint and/or wall-paper of several different layers was peeling from the walls.  There is a cluttered desk by the front window that must serve as the office… not sure why it’s not behind the counter or the counter isn’t adjusted to make it fit.  It seemed rather unclean for being a professional cleaning service.

The woman wove her way up front and greeted me friendly enough.  I handed over my ticket and declared that I was there to pick up my suit that had been dropped off yesterday.  She looked at my ticket, and then at a ticket hanging by itself on a wire behind the counter next to a few articles of clothing that held their tickets.  She looked at the ticket hanging by itself, then back at me.  She asked what it was for.

I was exasperated at this point.  What does what it’s for have to do with anything?  Maddeningly irrelevant questions and repetition of questions are the two things that get under my skin instantly.  I remarked that it was for a funeral.  She said “oh, it’s not for a wedding?”

This has nothing to do with the location of my suit, or why its matching ticket was hanging alone on a wire behind the counter.  I reaffirmed that it was not for a wedding, but a funeral.  My answers undoubtedly became short and quiet at this point, but I remained polite.  Seeming to be the only one capable of asking relevant questions I asked “So, where’s my suit?”

At this point, the phone rang and she was asking someone about the suit.  I told her that my wife had been there at 9:00am the previous day, had requested one hour, then same day service… and was told the earliest we could get it was upon the shop opening in the morning.  She asked what time I was told we could get it.

Wow.  I reiterated that we were told it would be ready at 7:00am.  I’m sure I was visibly agitated at this point.  The woman looked at me like I was a bomb about to go off.

After a hushed conversation with the mystery person on the other end of the phone line, she disappeared into the mass of clothes hanging behind the counter.  She eventually popped back out with my suit.  It wasn’t on a hanger.  It was much more wrinkled than it was when Bethany had dropped it off.  It was apparently on the side of a bin or on the floor somewhere in the back overnight.

She stuttered as she told me that it hadn’t been cleaned and asked when I needed it by.

Really?

I said, “Well, yesterday.”

If I was going to be asked stupid questions, I was going to give stupid answers.

Pointing to the sign in the window, I asked how they could advertise 1 hour service if they clearly have no intentions of providing such a service.

The woman muttered something about it being an “orange” ticket and it meant it was a rush… but then it trailed off. She never even acknowledged my question.  She picked the pinned tags off of my suit and placed the rumpled mess on the counter.  I wasn’t offered any solutions.  I wasn’t offered an apology.  I wasn’t offered a free service.  I wasn’t offered a rush cleaning & delivery.  I wasn’t offered anything but my suit in a ball of wrinkles.

I never raised my voice.  I never uttered a curse word.  I never asked her how she was going to rectify the situation… because at this point I had absolutely no confidence in any service that they could possibly hope to provide.  The only acceptable thing at this point would have been for them to pay for one hour service at some other dry cleaner… but I’m sure that wouldn’t be an option to them.  They could offer me free dry cleaning for life at this point and it wouldn’t get me to ever drop anything off there.

Even if they had offered to clean it, they closed at 2:00pm, and with the move happening on the northern end of town, there was no way I could be back by then.  I mean, we had to go through a tunnel and over a bridge.  This is insanity in Pittsburgh.

I got back into the car and uttered something to the effect of “I can’t believe it, they didn’t clean my suit.”  Although, it was peppered with and punctuated by expletives.  My wife looked at me like I had just told her that I was Batman.  It was a look of utter disbelief.  She knew I wasn’t joking because I was quiet.  Generally I get quite quiet when I’m angry.  She said that she shouldn’t have left it there in the first place… but what were we to do?  They were the only place that advertised 1 hour or even same day service… even if they didn’t deliver.

We swung over to another local cleaner in Dormont.  They don’t advertise 1 hour cleaning or even same day service… but I thought it may be worth a shot.  They didn’t open until 7:30, and it was still only about a quarter after.  I had my wife call her dad because he had told us of a place in the north hills that does do same-day service as advertised.  That was the direction we were heading, so it was probably the only chance I had of getting a clean suit at this point.

My father-in-law recommended Don Royal Cleaners on Mt. Royal Blvd. in Shaler.  That’s where we went.  It wasn’t far from where they were moving, so it wasn’t too out of the way to make the drop-off.  My wife called the cleaners as we were en route to make sure they they did indeed offer same day service and what their hours were.  They were open.  We stopped.  The place was spotless & had elegant marble counter tops.  The girl at the register was friendly.  She took my wrinkled suit and smiled when we asked what time we could get it back that day.  I think they told us 2:00 or 3:00pm.  They were open until 8:00pm, so that gave us plenty of time to help her parents with the move & to swing back down to Shaler on the way home to pickup my hopefully clean & pressed suit.

The move went off without a hitch, and the suit was picked up without a problem.  We attended the viewing & funeral in Fairchance on Sunday & Monday and I was looking like a car salesman or like I was about to knock on your door & hand you The Book of Mormon or a Watchtower pamphlet.

Perhaps I should have had my weekend itinerary typed up for Century Cleaners?  Was it my error?  I could have pinned it to the suit or put it in the pocket.  I’m going to have to work on some amusing answers if I’m ever asked such irrelevant questions in the future.  What’s the suit for?  It’s for a a con scheme where I have to appear well-dressed and wealthy in order to swindle someone out of their money.  When do I need it by?  1:15am, on October 25th, 1985.

When you order a pizza, the person taking your order doesn’t ask what it’s for or when you need it by.  Can you imagine calling a pizza joint and them asking “Is this for a birthday party?  Can you pick it up tomorrow?”

How can these places advertize that they’re “1 hour” or “same day service” when they clearly can’t handle it, or don’t even intend to?  Do they think you’re padding when you need something by?  It shouldn’t matter.  You should get it when you ask for it to be done.  You’re paying them to provide a service.

I’ve run into this years before with a cleaner in Murrysville (They have a different name/owner now, so I won’t call them out).  They too never answered the one-hour question.  They just stared at me blankly.  I believe that was just a shirt & tie… not even a full suit.

Is this a conspiracy?  Does it involve the Freemasons & the Illuminati?  Should we call Brad Meltzer and the History Channel?

I see from searching online that another place nearby does offer same-day service… Has anyone dealt with Suburban Dry Cleaners?  They look rather reputable and they have a nice clean website… something Century Cleaners lacked.  Then again, I can’t find one for Don Royal either, and they were great.

So, how should they have handled the situation?  What should they have done as compensation?

Should I write them a letter or send them this blog?  Should I write & ask why they don’t provide 1-hour service?  I could call, but that’s not entertaining for the reader unless I can learn to record my phone calls.

Should I just put up a bad review on every review site I can find?

Should I complain to the Better Business Bureau?  How does that even work?  It’s only the cleaning of a suit, it’s not like they lost or destroyed it… or it was a thousand-dollar service.  It’s just incredibly aggravating.

Should I write to other dry cleaners and ask them how they would have handled such a situation?

Has this ever happened to you at the dry cleaner, or anywhere else?

How would you handle or how have you handled this situation?

Does 1 hour dry cleaning even exist anywhere?  How can they get away with advertising a service that they can’t or won’t provide?

♡ Happy Birthday Bethany! ♡


Generally I blog about goofy stuff except for food allergies, and not much here takes a serious tone.  If you’re reading this, I assume you already know that.  A bunch has been going on with life lately, we’ve been through a whirlwind of ups & downs as things get increasingly hectic.  I’ll spare you the details as my good friends & family probably already know all the stuff we have going on anyway.  At any rate, that’s not the focus of this blog any way… it’s just the spark behind it.

The focus of this one is my wife, Bethany.  Her Birthday is today, and with it approaching while we have many other things going on… I didn’t want it to get lost in the shuffle.  I decided to make note and wish her a happy birthday here.  (Someone might have to tell her about this… I don’t think she reads it much because she hears most of my ranting live without the added benefit of a filter.)

Archery Camp 1997We’ve known each other for many many years and originally there was not even a remote spark of interest.  We have a wide age gap, and I was a counselor when she was a camper at our church camp, Living Waters.  I’m sure we talked, joked, and laughed… I even helped instruct her in Archery.  Sadly for the reader, nothing creepy was going on.

Many years later we went to dinner at Ritter’s as old friends catching up (thanks to AIM of all things), and something sparked there.  We generally don’t have much in common.  We have wildly different personalities.  We go together perfectly.

Beans N' CheeseI’m glad I have found my other half.  We like to laugh, and goof around with each other.  We meet on common ground where things are important.  Neither of us sleeps well when the other isn’t in the bed.  We do enjoy cooking together, entertaining, road trips, Flogging Molly, the RamonesJohnny Cash, & Willie Nelson.  I got her quoting Star Wars, she has me inexplicably interested in Glee.  We both like antiques, have an appreciation for the history of things.

We both have large & close extended families.  We all fit in all around.  That’s important to both of us.  We’re both still actively involved with camp, it’s a very special place to us on many levels any more.  We learn more about each other & ourselves with each passing year.

Bethany has brought out my sensitive side and I have given her a healthy dose of geekery & anarchy.  I’m proud of her for going to school and advancing her career.  I’m in awe of how she works with her special needs campers during recreation camp in the summer.  It takes incredible amounts of patience and mental strength.

She supports my crazy punk rock band, guitar acquisition habit, Batman & Star Wars obsessions, and puts up with lots of the History Channel and Discovery Channel.  She looks out for me with my crazy shellfish allergy, and takes care of me whenever I’m not feeling well or even if I’m just having a bad day.  She has gotten over rolling her eyes at my skull coffee mug.

So to Bethany, my wife & best friend, I want to say Happy Birthday!  I also want to tell you how much I love you and how glad I am that we are who we are.  I am a better man for for knowing & marrying you.  You are my favorite, and I’m glad we found each other.

♥

May the 4ᵗʰ be with you! ( °)


Happy Star Wars Day once again!  Well, one of them anyway.  I’d like to share some neat Star Wars stuff, & point you to some of my other Star Wars related blog posts.

( °)

Anakin Facemelter: Powah Chord | by ~hupao (deviantart.net)

Anakin Facemelter: Powah Chord | by ~hupao (deviantart.net)

You can check out my Star Wars board on Pinterest!

Also… here’s part of last year’s post:

|-o-| [-o-] |-o-|

So, happy Star Wars Day!  Be sure to check out my old Star Wars related posts for some goodies.  Maybe click on a picture or two and you’ll get a surprise.  (Check out the Star Wars Mix Tape or Dark Lord of the 5th Day posts if you’re in a YouTube mood… and last year’s post.)

If you need other ways to celebrate the day, check out “10 Easy Ways You Can Celebrate Star Wars Day” from Death Star PR.

I assure you, I am not McDonald’s.


McJokerIt’s happening again.  I still say it’s a fail of smart phones & tablet PC‘s in their navigation of the internet.  At least I hope that’s the problem.  It could just be that some people are really not that bright. Maybe it’s a reading comprehension problem.  They see a post about McDonald’s & complaints and they hit “contact” thinking they’re somehow contacting McDonald’s, blissfully unaware that the url in the address bar is https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/contact/ and has nothing to do with McDonald’s.  I’m guessing that this is thanks to Google sending everyone who searches “McDonald’s” & “email” or “complaint” to me.  Maybe the magic words are “McDonald’s” & “Contact”?

Actually, my incredible WordPress site stats show me most of the search terms that people used to land on my blog today.  The culprits are most likely…

  • mcdonalds.customercare@us.mcd.com (3 searches)
  • ella.jones@us.mcd.com (1 search)
  • mcdonalds food tv advertisement (1 search)
  • mcdonalds hand washing procedures (2 searches)

As you’re reading this, can you say it with me?  Seriously, out loud.  Ignore the people around you as they look at you like you’re crazy.  Take a deep breath.  Say it with me:

Eric Carroll (a.k.a. ERiC AiXeLsyD, a.k.a. Waldo Lunar, a.k.a. Bronco Jalapeño) is not McDonald’s.  He does not work for McDonald’s.  Emails sent through the contact form at aixelsyd13.wordpress.com will not reach McDonald’s.  If I contact World (and Lunar) Domination inexplicably thinking that it is somehow related to McDonald’s (or Kmart), I will be publicly ridiculed on the internet.

I may have to put that on my contact page.  I’m guessing you won’t read it anyway if you’re crazy enough to send me an email without really reading anything else on my page.

If the stuff was coming right to my email address, I could almost understand it.  But, this is being typed into (or cut & pasted into) the contact form at my site… which looks like nothing related to anything on any McDonald’s website.  This most recent one is different in that this McDonald’s is apparently delinquent on a payment to a company that cleaned out their most likely disgusting dirty fryer.  This is much more serious than a simple screwed-up order or ignorant employee.  I’ll share it with you…

From: Jane Farrell <janef@malachymechanical.com>
To: █████████████@█████.com
Sent: Wednesday, May 2, 2012 3:08 PM
Subject: W(aL)D Feedback

Name: Jane Farrell
Email: janef@malachymechanical.com
Message / Comment: I sent you a message about Mcdonalds#14518 located at 1101 East Tremont Ave. in the Bronx, N.Y.  We went there to repair their frymaster fryer and they refuse to pay us. You sent me a email on 4/4/12 Ref#8770056 that you would send my letter to the regional office in my area. I haven’t been paid as of yet. I would appreciate it, if you could let me know if the store was contacted. Thank You so much, I do appreciate any help in getting this paid.

Jane Farrell, Malachy Mechanical
How’d you find my blog?:

Time: Wednesday May 2, 2012 at 3:07 pm
IP Address: ##.###.###.##
Contact Form URL: https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/contact/
Sent by an unverified visitor to your site.

Insanity.  I had to write back, didn’t I?  Yes.  Yes, I did.  I even decided to offer some help to Jane in perhaps contacting the right person or people on the matter.

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
To: janef@malachymechanical.com
Cc: McDonalds.CustomerCare@us.mcd.com; info@mcdonalds.com; ny.14518@us.stores.mcd.com; mcd.14518@us.stores.mcd.com
Sent: Thursday, May 3, 2012
Subject:
Re: W(aL)D Feedback [Sorry, I’m not McDonald’s.]

Hello Jane,

Unfortunately you’re mistaken, as you did not contact me earlier.  I am not McDonald’s.  I have simply blogged about McDonald’s & my interactions (or attempted interactions) with them.  For some odd reason, people keep landing on my website and contacting me, thinking that I am McDonald’s.  I assure you, I am not McDonald’s.  I don’t work for McDonald’s.  I don’t represent McDonald’s.  I can’t speak for McDonald’s.  I certainly can’t pay their bills.  I do sympathize with you though, as McDonald’s apparent ineptitude knows no bounds.  I am a blogger who makes light of their insanity with my own.  If you would like to follow my journey, please see the following blog posts.  They will help to prove & reinforce that I am not McDonald’s, and perhaps bring to light your own error in using my contact form instead of reaching out again to McDonald’s.

  • I AM NOT McDONALD’S – Like you, Harmony, Shirley, Amber, & Jeffrey mistook me for McDonald’s.  This post also links to my earlier correspondence with McDonald’s in case you are interested, as well as valid alternatives to actually contact McDonald’s instead of me, because I am not McDonald’s.
  • I’m still not McDonald’s. – I inform Harmony, Shirley, and Amber that I’m not McDonald’s.  Harmony remains unconvinced.  I unintentionally angered local McManager, Scott Kausky.
  • OK, maybe I am McDonald’s? – Harmony’s husband steps in to assure me that I am indeed McDonald’s, even though though I am clearly not.  Mr. Kausky calms down.  I create some graphics proving that I am indeed not McDonald’s, & I share a McAdventure.
  • s,pןɐuopɔɯ ʇou ɯɐ ı – Really.  I laid it all out one last time for Harmony & her McHusband.  They never responded after this.  Perhaps they finally got the message?  I disclose more McDonald’s contact options, as I am not McDonald’s and contacting me does nothing but further amusement for myself & my readers.
  • McConsistency is Key. – Apparently despite all the other blog posts, I’m still the place to go to complain about McDonald’s.

A bonus post, somewhat related:

A super-special extra bonus post:

  • I’m not Kmart. – While I’m not McDonald’s, I’m also not Kmart.  Perhaps McDonald’s customers & Kmart shoppers are the same demographic?

Perhaps you’re not interested in my blogs, but in exchange for you taking the time to read them I am prepared to help you in your plight for payment.  I have researched several ways for you to contact McDonald’s, none of which are the contact form located at my website.  Let us go through them together:

I hope that I have been able to provide some clarity, amusement, and even some actual help today (even though I am not McDonald’s).  Good luck in your quest, this is most certainly more annoying than the usual lack of ketchup packets or pattyless burger!  Have a nice day.

I am not McDonald’s,
-Eric Aixelsyd
World (and Lunar) Domination

Do you think she’ll write back?

Frymaster Fryer

Frymaster Fryer

Employees Must Wash Hands « Blurt


You must read this blog by Omawarisan, he swears that this is the only photo he’s ever taken in a public restroom:

Employees Must Wash Hands « Blurt.

Omawarisan swears that this is the only photo he's ever taken in a public restroom.

I propose a revolution where these signs are strictly adhered to.

We all know my feelings on public restrooms, hand-washing signs, bathroom attendants, and stupid signs in general.  Omiwarisan takes it to the next level.  I applaud his ingenuity and regularly enjoy his blog.  You should check it out.

Sign: SN-R6EMW'Mind Your Manners' Japanese bathroom sign! Toilet Signs Vector Graphic

Balance ⊖⊘⊖


I used to think I wasn’t picky when it came to my guitar sound or tone.  I thought I wanted a Les Paul through any old amp as long as it was cranked as loud as possible.  I liked a switch to turn the dirt off or on.  Maybe I thought it was cool or “punk rock” to not care about my sound.

Lately, I care about my tone.  It doesn’t have to sound exactly the same all the time… but I have learned to roll the dials in the directions that make me happy.

My Dunlop Cry Baby.

Dunlop Cry Baby. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I actually just sold a Jim Dunlop Cry-Baby on ebay because I didn’t like how it messed with the signal even when it was off.  I may pick up some kind of wah that has a true bypass… but even at that I doubt I’ll use it much.

Any more, I don’t even use a foot-switch for going clean.  I play dirty all the time.  If I need to clean it up, I roll back one of those volume knobs, or use a switch on the guitar.  I generally always play bridge pickup & that’s it.

ERiC AiXeLsyD

I like tube amps.  I have a Crate Power Block that sounds pretty good live, but like razorblades were taken to the speaker cones when recorded or miked in any way.  I wince when I hear bands playing through solid state amps… especially when there are 2 guitars through the same kind of amp.

So, I generally go through this tiny Egnater Tweaker from my friend Dave that sounds huge, or Erin’s Blues Junior which gets incredibly dirty at reasonable volumes.

The biggest thing I’ve learned is to just listen.  If I like the sound, others will too.  What I think I want might not be exactly what I want. I’ve learned to trust my ears.

What’s your balance?  What’s your sound?

Pizza Hut actually █████████ to a █████ but then ███████ it.


I tweeted this…

https://twitter.com/#!/AiXeLsyD13/status/195873642356281344

They tweeted this…

https://twitter.com/#!/pizzahut/status/195944183775756289

(They have since deleted it.)

I tweeted this…

https://twitter.com/#!/AiXeLsyD13/status/195996342273839106

Of course, this was all in reference to my apparently infamous maze.  We’ll see if we get a reply.  I’m guessing not, since they deleted their tweet.

Wow.  Do they have an internal policy regarding not answering me?  Holy cow, that is so funny.  Luckily I have a screenshot show that the tweet did indeed exist.

@PizzaHut | @AiXeLsyD13 how humorously cool! We’ll relay this information to our internal team.

Fantastic.

I caught your tweet, Pizza Hut!  Ha ha.  You responded to me.  I win.

I almost forgot, they never responded to this either:

Hey Pizza Hut, my guts are not a water park!

Do you think they "get" that it makes me poop?

A CONTEST FOR YOU! Gimme a recipe, win some Bronco Berry Sauce.


240 Packs of Bronco Berry Sauce!

Want 13 of these?

OK.  If you’ve been reading my blog, you know that I have an entire  case (& a little more) of Arby’s delicious Bronco Berry Sauce just taking up space in my dining room.  I would eat it all if I could, but it’s probably not an achievable (or wise) goal.  Sadly, my Bronco Berry Sauce will have to go without its perfect partner Arby’s delicious Jalapeño Bites… as they have not yet returned to the menu here in Pittsburgh.  Perhaps there is still reason to Occupy Arby’s even if Hala asked me nicely not to?

I’m left with a few tasks… figuring out what to do with the sauce besides dunking Tyson’s chicken tenders in it, and trying to pawn some off on friends, family, and maybe even a busker.  It expires in June, and I’d hate for any (more) to go to waste.

I was thinking it may make an excellent glaze for meatloaf, or even as an internal ingredient.  It would also probably be good as a glaze on grilled or baked chicken, but I’m guessing the high sugar content would make it blacken quite quickly.  I wonder if it will freeze?  A Bronco Berry Popsicle could be either incredible or disastrous.  Would there be a way to work it into an icing (or again as an ingredient) in a chocolate cupcake?

My readers and commenters are obviously the most enlightened and intelligent group of people I know, so I’m turning to you for ideas.

I promise to wrap it better than my last gift from Arby's if I need to mail it to you.

I promise to wrap it better than my last gift from Arby's if I need to mail it to you.

Here’s where the contest comes in.  Give me your recipe for something including Arby’s Bronco Berry Sauce as an ingredient.  You may want to familiarize yourself with it if you’ve never tried it.  The name is misleading, it contains no berries or horses.  It’s sweet, it’s spicy, it’s awesome.  This will be like Chopped or Iron Chef, except instead of TV fame and butt-loads of money the prize is… Let’s say 13 packs of Bronco Berry Sauce, because I like the number 13.  Also, I’m not Alton Brown or Ted Allen.  If it’s really good, we’ll maybe eventually have to make copycat recipes to continue making the prize winner.

You have until Friday May 4th to get your recipes to me.  I’ll post them in a blog, put up a poll, and have the readers vote.  We’ll close the poll & pick a winner on May 13th.  You can enter multiple times within reason.  Voting will happen with the little poll widget here, so encourage your friends, neighbors, family, and even enemies to vote for you.

The only way to enter: You can email your fantastically delicious recipe to world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com with the subject containing the hashtag “#Bronco13” & the name of your recipe.  We’ll annoy people with it on Twitter, Google+, Pinterest, & wherever else hashtags work.

In the event of a tie, both of you will get 13 packets of Bronco Berry Sauce.

What are you waiting for?  Get to work!

Arby’s Tries Again…


Tom Arnold | Arby's Oven MittToday there was a nice little squishy bubble pack in the mailbox when I got home.  It had my name on it and appeared to be from Arby’s again.  More neat stuff from Arby’s?  What could it be?  A hat?  A T-shirt?  An oven mitt that talks like Tom Arnold when you press a button?  (Actually, that would be pretty neat.)

Nope, this was a different kind of squishy.  I got a post card from a Cherelle Flowers at Arby’s HQ in Atlanta.  Cherelle apparently works in Arby’s Customer Relations but doesn’t communicate with Arby’s President Hala Moddelmog who just sent me an entire case of Bronco Berry Sauce.  In with the postcard where several leaking square packets of Bronco Berry Sauce:

Your recent feedback is greatly appreciated. | We hope your next visit to Arby's® exceeds your expectations. | Regards, | Cherelle Flowers | Arby's Customer Relations | Arby's It's GOOD MOOD FOOD™

It's a Bronco Berry Bloodbath!

I hope it wasn’t intentional.  It’s like a mini version of the horse-head scene in The Godfather.  I mean, the card is sort of impersonal, but the gesture is nice when the sentiment isn’t stained with blood red not-really-berry sauce.  It’s unsettling to open such a package.  It almost looks like a threat.

I’m guessing that given Arby’s’ track record, it’s not a threat and it’s yet another genuine attempt to keep a goofy customer happy.  I have no idea if this generated from their web contact form, or Twitter, or what.  I would have maybe liked a more personal letter (again like the incredible one from Ms. Moddlemog), and the United States Postal Service to have handled my package with more care.  Ha.  Handled my package.  But, I’ll settle for free stuff… even if there are only 2 unmolested packets.

I did notice it was addressed to me, and not Bronco Jalapeño.  I also noticed that these packets are rectangular… where the other ones are circles.  Clearly, there is more than one source for Bronco Berry Sauce.  Where is it my friends?  Can I find it?  Can I buy direct?  Can I get the recipe?

I need a job where I can reply to goofy emails all day, and send people cool free swag… or gooey free swag.

So, what do you think of this effort?  I have scored many awesome freebies, but I still don’t have jalapeño bites being served at Arby’s in Pittsburgh.  Is this a fail?  Do we still need a protest song?

Should I complain to the post office about this?

If you have no idea what’s going on, check out these posts:

  1. Arby’s :: Bronco Berry Sauce®
  2. OCCUPY ARBY’S
  3. You may call me… “Bronco Jalapeño”
  4. Conflicting Information from Arby’s… (Help Bronco Jalapeño write a song!)
  5. Bronco Jalapeño Rides Again!
  6. Bronco Scores Again!

In other news, I think I have an idea for a contest where the winner can get some Bronco Berry Sauce.  Stay tuned for details!