Molly was super-excited going door-to-door getting candy & telling eveyone we passed on the street “Happy Halloween!” She loved the compliments on her dress & shoes, and even got to pet a few puppies.
Ian loved his short 1½ street trip strapped on the front of me. People fawned over him too and he ate it up. It was a little chilly & windy so we took him home about dark to pass out candy with Grandma & BB.
At every house Molly would ask if we were going to get more, but when we circled back & she saw the other end of our street, she was ready to go home. No fight or fuss!
We got to celebrate several times since last week’s Halloween party at the church. I had a day off & was able to attend their library story time, and today we even hit up a trick-or-treat at Gaint Ealge.
I loved decorating pumpkins, the porch, and even gutting/carving the pumpkin with Molly this year.
Dump the roast and beer into the crock pot over top of the sliced apple and onion. Set it on low for 8 hours. Pull out to rest for a bit, then shred with a fork.
I’m certainly far from a perfect parent, and I realize everyone learns on the go, but I may have found something specific to work on over the weekend.
The wife and I have always said from the time the first one was in the womb that we would strive to answer questions with real answers, no baby talk, and to not unnecessarily dumb things down. Certainly some situations call for a simplified answer, but we feel no reason to squash an inquisitive nature with short answers.
You may know I can be a little sarcasic and opnionated. You may know that two-and-a-half year olds are great with absorb > imitate > repeat.
So, it may have not been my best moment when I provided an answer to a perfectly innocent question that was probably tinged a little too heavily with personal opinion and social commentary.
We were sitting in unusually heavy traffic headed into the Liberty tubes when my daughter asked her 493rd question for the car ride; “What’s that… what’s that white thing hanging from that lady’s mouth?” (She’s got a pretty damn good vocabulary for a 2yo if I do say so myself.)
My answer was “That’s a cigarette, she’s white trash.” Immidately I got the “Eric!” along with an arm smack from the wife.
I did follow it up with an “Oh, that’s not nice. I’m sorry. We shouldn’t call people things like that, but cigarettes are bad for you. Daddy doesn’t like them. People are silly for smoking, it makes them sick.”
I find it hard to temper my opinions on such things. Look, smoking is fine if you’re an adult and make your own decisions and are curteous of where you choose to partake. I just have my own reasons for not being a fan and I never once needed the “don’t smoke” presentations in elementary school or Jr. High health class.
I want both of my kids to eventually make their own informed decisions about things. I get that it’s part of my deal to help inform them. They’ll get my opinions over time, no doubt. I don’t want my opinions to be forced on to them, or so strong that they get a case of “wow, dad’s an asshole.”
I just need to pace myself. Temper the quick observation and judgement. I’m still learning.
I love the Misfits. You may or may not love the Misfits. They have some great songs. They have some really great songs beyond the confines of the Misfits. There also exists many terrible terrible things under the Fiend Club umbrella.
We’re going to play a game.
Which is the worst?
Please, spill some fanboy tears and discuss. I’d love you to elaborate on your answers, and maybe even point out something I’ve missed.
So, I’ve written about tipping at length before. I won’t get into all of it again, but I have heard the subject come up lately, and I just want to know where I fall. This is all about discussion. I want feedback. How do you tip? Some questions I’d like answered…
Do you tip 20% when out to eat, or are you still at the 80s 15% standard? (Please don’t say it’s 10%.)
Do you round to the nearest dollar or leave exact change?
If you only get a slice of pie and a cup of coffee (or less), do you throw percentage out the window and go for a minimum amount?
Is it cool to leave the tip on a receipt if paying with a credit card, or does the waiter/waitress think you stiffed them?
Do you tip if there’s an automatic 18% gratuity for a large party?
Do you tip better (or worse) based on service, or should it be automatic?
How much do you tip a pizza guy/girl?
Does the pizza tip change if you have more than pizza or a ridiculously large order?
Do you adjust tipping a delivery person in inclement weather, on or near a holiday, or on a day like thanksgiving or New Year’s Day when everyone else is ordering out?
Is your delivery tipping based on a percentage of the total, or on a flat per-trip fee?
Is it cool to leave the tip on a receipt if paying with a credit card, or does the delivery driver think you stiffed them?
Do you tip on take-out when you pick it up?
Do you tip at Starbucks or a mom n’ pop coffee place? Is there a difference?
If so, is it change, or paper?
Do you tip per beer/drink at the bar, or per round?
How much do you tip for a $15 or $18 men’s haircut? How much more for a beard trim or a shave?
Who else do you tip that may not be so obvious? The garbage man? The mailman?
I try to tip well as with my food allergy I have a small circle of places where we dine out or get delivery with a high level of comfort. I want to make sure I’m in the right place.
Please, discuss!
As a reminder, you can comment here without a WordPress account if you’re already logged into Facebook or Twitter, just go to town!
Besides being awesome new (to me) enjoyable punk rock, I feel like it served as some sort of cosmic reminder, warning, or inspiration. Not only to me, but to everyone who happens to read this.
Not feeling a bunch of paragraphs today, so I will hit you with a bulleted list.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you “no.” Don’t let anyone else set your limits. You can do whatever you set your mind to, and tell them to shove it.
Don’t let anyone put you in a category. If you feel like you’re different because of your gender, race, orientation, religion, or a disability… own it, don’t let it own you.
A little railing against convention, society, or any set standard is good for everybody. Punk rock can be all about a healthy expression of primal aggression.
Learning about the lives of others who have things differently than you is incredibly enlightening.
Someone with special needs like Down Syndrome or Autism with different abilities ought not be an object of derision. They have thoughts, feelings, and aspirations just like you. They get pissed off just like you. They rock just like yo
Shattering expectations is the most badass thing you can do.
I’m sure there’s more, but you get my point. Notice little things like this in life. Be thankful for your insight. Be thankful that there are others out there reminding you to put forth your best effort. Learn something or learn about something often. Make some noise that gets heard.
If we’re making cartoon body parts, I predict the nose is next… then maybe a talking feminine hygiene product, then the talking penis will arrive. We’ll get a talking penis before we get a talking vagina. Maybe boobs will win the race. Boobs always win. But, we’ve had boobs in advertising for years. We don’t really need singing cartoon boobs. (OK, maybe we do.)
Maybe it’ll be an inchworm or caterpillar, or even a hot dog, but it will undoubtedly be standing (pun intended) for a penis. Remember the ads for a lady’s razor that showed triangle-shaped topiary trees? We’re not far off. I don’t know if the penis will be advertising more boner pills (do they really need advertised?), underwear, a jock strap, jock itch, a manscaping product (is that still a thing?), or something new that we didn’t know we needed.
I’m calling it now. Soon, before traditional TV is relegated to the level of relevance of AM radio… we’ll see a talking cartoon penis trying to sell you something.
What do you think? Did I miss any other signs of the coming advertising cockpocalypse? Has there already been a talking ding dong in a commercial? Have I missed any other anthropomorphized body parts, bodily fluids, or abhorrent infections? Do you think a singing hemorrhoid or some testicles having a conversation with each other will be first? Will it be an animated sperm first? I think that still counts as a win for me. Let me know if I’m right on the direction we’re headed…
Oprah Money & Dick Cheney Power – This could be the cover, because… Why not?
OK, so if I had Oprah money and Dick Cheney power, and could treat other human beings like my own personal play things… I would commission two local Pittsburgh metal bands to do an epic cover split. Do bands that aren’t punk bands do splits? Well, they will if they’re my playthings.
Why? Why not? I love obscure and nonsensical covers. I like these bands. They would probably not want any part of this. I mean, guys in bands LOVE it when you go up to them and spew out “You know what song you guys should cover?” then ramble off dumb ideas like this.
Witches gather at black masses
Bodies burning in red ashes
On the hill the church in ruin
Is the scene of evil doings
It’s a place for all bad sinners
Watch them eating dead rats’ innards
I guess it’s the same wherever you may go
Oh Lord yeah
Carry banners which denounce the lord
See me rocking in my grave
See them anoint my head with dead rat’s blood
See them stick the stake through me
Oh
Don’t hold me back cause I’ve just gotta go
They’ve got a hold of my soul now
Lords got my brain instinct with blood obscene
Look in my eyes I’m there enough
Yeah
On the scene a priest appears
Sinners falling at his knees
Satan sends out funeral pyre
Casts the priest into the fire
It’s the place for all bad sinners
Watch them eating dead rats’ innards
I guess it’s the same wherever you may go
Oh lord yeah
Because Mutiny on the Bounty’s what we’re all about
I’m gonna board your ship and turn it on out
No soft sucker with a parrot on his shoulder
‘Cause I’m bad gettin’ bolder, cold cold gettin’ colder
Terrorizin’ suckers on the seven seas
And if you’ve got beef, you get capped in the knees
We got sixteen men on a dead man’s chest
And I shot those suckers and I’ll shoot the rest
Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
‘Cause I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Shh! Snatchin’ gold chains, vikin’ pieces of eight
I got your money and your honey and the fly name plate
We got wenches on the benches and bitties with titties
Housin’ all girlies from city to city
One for all and all for one
Takin’ out MC’s with a big shotgun
All for one and one for all
Because the Beastie Boys have gone A.W.O.L
Friggin’ in the riggin’, man, cuttin’ your throat
Big bitin’ suckers gettin’ thrown in the moat
We got maidens and wenches, man they’re on the ace
Captain Bligh’s gonna die when we break his face
Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Torchin’ and crackin’ and rhymin’ and stealin’
Robbin’ and rapin’, bustin’ two in the ceilin’
I’m wheelin’, I’m dealin’, I’m drinkin’, not thinkin’
Never cower, never shower and I’m always stinkin’
Yo ho ho and a pint of Brass Monkey
And when my girlie shakes her hips she sure gets funky
Skirt chasin’, free basin’, killin’ every village
We drink and rob and rhyme and pillage
Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
I was drinkin’ my rum, a deaf son of a gun
I fought the law and I cold won
Black Beard’s weak, Moby Dick’s on the tick
‘Cause I pull out the jammy and I squeeze off six
My pistol is loaded, I shot Betty Crocker
Deliver Colonel Sanders down to Davey Jones’ locker
Rhymin’ and stealin’ in a drunken state
And I’ll be rockin’ my rhymes all the way to hell’s gate
Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
‘Cause I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Most chillinest b-boy
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Most killingest b-boy
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Most dustin’ out b-boy, I’m tossin’ my dust
Most finkinest b-boy, I’m doin’ that finkin’
Most rhyminest b-boy, I’m stretchin’ my shade
Most shootinest b-boy, I think you’re shit
Most rhyminest b-boy, I’ll steal your shit homeboy
Most taxinest b-boy, I’ll tax you boy
Most illingest illingest illingest b-boy
Taxin’ all y’all squares, yeah!
Maybe change “b-boy” to “pirate” or something? Bandit? Looter? Outlaw? Maybe the line “Because the Beastie Boys have gone A.W.O.L” to “‘Cause the Bloody Seamen have gone A.W.O.L”? I’d pee my pants if I heard you all rapping.
So what would it take, guys? Can we get a Kickstarter going, or what?
OK, so TLC never got back to me about Missionaries Impossible (where Mormons & Jehovah’s Witnesses try to convert each other), but I will not let complete and total failure or lack of any interest in actually following up on these sorts of things keep me from writing a blog about my newest idea.
All I’d need would be a car with cameras all over it. I could drive it around for a week and have enough footage for an entire season of shows. All I would have to do is drive the speed limit, and obey all traffic laws… then watch everyone around be driven completely insane by that type of apparently abnormal behavior.
Get some people to edit it, you have a super low-cost hit. You wouldn’t even need a narrator. Just get some clips of Samuel L. Jackson swearing & we can edit them all in.
World (and Lunar) Domination 