Who doesn’t like Totino’s® Pizza Rolls® Pizza Snacks? More importantly, who eats only six at a time? Maybe for a small snack… or maybe I just eat too much. I don’t have them often, but when I do… I most assuredly want more than six.
I realize that I could cook more than six at once and figure out the timing on my own… but that wouldn’t be any fun now, would it? I decided to write to the maker’s of Totino’s, who (previously unbeknownst to me) happen to be Pillsbury. I clicked around until I found their webform, and submitted this…
Hello Friends,
I write to you today regarding Totino’s Pizza Rolls. These little snacks are awesome, my friends. I love to eat them as a snack while I’m watching my favorite TV shows or Penguins hockey.
My problem though, is that I’m fat… and I need more than the 6 at a time that’s listed on the package in the cooking suggestions.
Certainly your portly Pillsbury mascot could appreciate my situation? I’d like to suggest that the bags & boxes also include cooking recommendations for 12 at a time… or more.
Usually 12 can satisfy my snack cravings, although sometimes I go for 18. Maybe you could include instructions for 13, a baker’s dozen as they say?
In the mean time, before you’re able to print new cooking instructions on the bags & boxes… can you just send me a chart of larger quantities and suggested cooking times?
Thank you for your time, I can’t wait to hear from you. (I can appreciate how valuable time is… like when I try to cook two batches of 6 rolls during the commercials!)
Inquisitively,
-Eric
Which I thought was a little goofy, but not over-the-top. Apparently this is a request that’s made often. The answer seems well practiced…
from Corporate.Response@genmills.com to world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com date Sun, Feb 14, 2010 at 2:01 PM subject Your Response From “Pillsbury” – 2010/02/12-0715 XTB mailed-by genmills.com
Hello Mr. Aixelsyd:
Thank you for contacting Pillsbury with your inquiry.
Unfortunately, the most that we have tested for in our kitchen is 8 pizza rolls in the microwave, in which you would place on a microwave safe plate in a circle and cook on high for 45 seconds (noting that microwave oven temperatures can vary). If you are intersted in baking more, I would highly suggest following the directions for the oven. Please be assured that your comments and suggestions will be shared with our product specialists.
We hope you find this information helpful. Please let us know if we can help you again.
Thank you,
Tracy Boyd
Customer Care Specialist
I’m going to have to write back, and get goofier. My inquiry was taken absolutely seriously. I really can’t believe that there are food scientists or chefs out there that have a job that involves putting things in microwaves… and they haven’t gone past 8 at a time? Ridiculous. You know that you’d try to at least do a whole bag at once… if not two or three. Look… I can’t even control my use of italics. Can you imagine if I had a microwave and some goo-filled little exploding pods at my disposal? Microwaves are cheap enough these days. I’ll take donations… I’ll need a microwave and more Totino’s Pizza Rolls than you can count, and the trials will begin. For more fun, I’ll need someone to help & video.
What’s so thrilling? Well, people in the US are being made more aware of allergies. Of course it has to start in Massachusetts, not Pennsylvania. I’m also fully aware that proposed laws aren’t actual laws… but there is some hope some more awareness being raised in public kitchens. Sadly for me, they keep citing peanuts, soy, wheat, milk, & fish. What about us shellfish people? Ha ha ha. I guess ‘fish’ is supposed to cover that.
A while ago, I wrote to Pizza Hut, just being goofy for the most part… commenting on how Pizza Hut’s sauce rips through me like… well, have you ever seen a cat with its head stuck in something & it flailing round to try to get it out? Yeah. It’s like that.
They wrote back, and the message from Mr. Kronenwetter actually raised a little concern for me. I noticed that some of their foods may contain shellfish allergens, although there is no shellfish to be found on the menu. If you’ve read the background on my shellfish allergy, you’d know that it freaked me out a little. I say just a little becuase I’ve eaten there without any allergy-related problems (that I know of)… so far.
I don’t have a response yet, but I thought I’d share my most recent email to them…
from ERiC AiXeLsyD to Dave Kronenwetter cc Ed Holt date Thu, Feb 4, 2010 at 2:17 PM subject Re: Pizza Hut Incident Eric Aixelsyd mailed-by gmail.com
Thank you Mr. Kronenwetter,
You are, as of yet, the only representative from Pizza Hut or Yum! Brands that has answered my original query. I applaud your dedication to service and customer satisfaction. I used the contact form on the website, and acquired some email addresses from around the web when I discovered that was to no avail.
I am interested in the linked allergen information though. I do have a severe shellfish allergy, and it concerns me that items with an “•” are notated with the ominous “products are prepared in common equipment and therefore may contain allergen” warning.
More interesting to me are the items marked…
SAUCES; All-Natural Pizza Sauce, All-Natural Sweet Pizza Sauce, All-Natural Old World Pizza Sauce
I see from the menu & nutritional info available online that there’s no shellfish available to order, so the “prepared in common equipment” line really really confuses me. Am I to assume that the common equipment is in the manufacturing/processing/
canning facility with the sauce?
Are the breadsticks & garlic Parmesan wings listed simply because they’re served with the sauce? Are the wings breaded alongside shrimp at the factory? Are the breadsticks marinated in butter beside lobster at the processing plant?
Are the pastas listed simply because they contain the sauce? But then, there’s the Alfredo… which is a wholly different kind of sauce. Are the noodles the culprit? I must say that the whole thing has me befuddled.
Basically, you’re telling me that if I’m allergic to shellfish… I might want to avoid everything that contains pizza sauce …from a place called Pizza Hut?
Also, the text from the bottom may require a little clarification…
The allergen information displayed on this site is based on standard product formulations and is current as of March 2009. Variations may occur due to differences in suppliers, ingredient substitutions, recipe revisions, and/or product production at the restaurant.
Anchovies (Fish) are offered in many Pizza Hut restaurants. Shrimp (Shellfish) is offered in a very limited number of Pizza Hut restaurants. Customers with concerns should contact their restaurant directly to determine if these ingredients are handled in the restaurant.
Huh? How is one to be made aware if there are different circumstances regarding suppliers, ingredient substitutions, revisions, or product production? I’ve never had a hostess seat me, list the specials, then divulge any information about new suppliers, possible substitutions, or about new preparation methods. I’ve never seen it written on a dry-erase board inside the door, or in a menu insert. How am I supposed to be sure that Pizza Hut isn’t going to inadvertently send me into Anaphylactic shock?
Does the second line about shrimp make all the above listed possible concerns no longer a concern… or is that in addition to already existing concerns?
Please, don’t take my questions as lashing out at you personally, but really… can you understand the frustration I have at learning of these menacing shellfish issues? Certainly you can appreciate the humor of having to go to Pizza Hut only to avoid pizza sauce? Perhaps the allergen information page needs updated and clarified?
I realize that I am sending a lot of questions your way at once. I would like to thank you in advance for your time and I hope that you will give all of my concerns some serious contemplation, and perhaps pass it on to others at Pizza Hut or Yum! Brands for their additional input.
According to the Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Alliance website, “Approximately 12 million Americans suffer from food allergy. Food-induced anaphylaxis is believed to cause 50,000 emergency room visits and about 150 deaths annually.” I really don’t want to be one of those 150, or even one of the 50,000 any time soon… but I would like to be able to enjoy some fantastic pizza (without the aforementioned disastrous after-effects).
I’m sure you remember my last post about Turner’s with the pretty picture. I decided to ask Giant Eagle why all of their stores don’t carry Turner’s products…
From: Eric Carroll [mailto:me@my.email.address] Sent: Monday, February 01, 2010 1:46 PM Subject: Turner’s Dairy | Charie’s Old Fashioned Buttermilk
Hello Friends at the Big Bird,
I’m writing to you today to request that all of your Giant Eagle and Market District Stores carry products from Turner Dairy Farms, Inc. I know that some locations do already carry Turner’s products, because I’ve written to them trying to track down some of Charlie’s Old Fashioned Buttermilk… and they clued me in to the Giant Eagle in Brentwood. I know that the Giant Eagle in Murrysville also carries Turner’s Iced Tea.
I’d love it if the Cochran Road, Bridgeville, and Parkway Center locations had Turner’s buttermilk, chip dip, and tea varieties readily available. I’d add them to my order virtually every time we shop there… much like I do now with the tea when I find myself in Rite Aid on Banksville Road.
I also find it hard to believe that with the myriad of products and name brands available at the new Market District in Robinson… Turner’s is nowhere to be found! Have you tried the chip dip? It’s incredible. It puts the Kraft and B L brands to shame.
You’ll find in the attached photo all of the Turner’s bounty that my wife & I picked up this weekend while just passing by the Brentwood Giant Eagle. I can assure you, these products would be on every grocery order if available at the Giant Eagle locations where we typically do most of our shopping. Not only these products, but the raspberry & lime tea… and just about everything that Turner’s offers! (Sorry, I don’t do diet drinks.)
Thank you for taking the time to read my email, and I hope that you give Turner’s products serious consideration for inclusion in your fine establishments.
Sincerely,
-Eric
me@my.email.address
And, they responded…
From: “Frey, Brian” Brian.Frey@gianteagle.com To: “me@my.email.address” me@my.email.address Sent: Tue, February 2, 2010 10:39:21 AM Subject: RE: Turner’s Dairy | Charie’s Old Fashioned Buttermilk
Eric,
Thank you for taking the time to write to us regarding Turner Dairy Farms and some of the items that you obviously like as detailed below.
I can understand your frustration related to these items that you feel passionately about not being readily available and convenient to purchase. However, I must honestly inform you that we don’t have any upcoming plans to carry additional Turner Dairy Farms items at any of our corporately owned Giant Eagle and Market District locations.
We get contacted by customers on a daily/weekly basis requesting us to carry a variety of items from local dairies, and we just cannot support all of these local dairy item requests in our limited dairy cooler space in our stores. To manage the limited space we have in stores, we try to partner with dairies and vendors that can provide us item programs that accommodate the needs of the majority of our customers. If we were to carry a representative sample of all the local dairy items that we get contacted about, we would have to eliminate a large portion of our current item mix that a significantly larger customer base demands us to carry and also asks us daily/weekly to expand upon but we cannot as a result of the same limited space challenge.
Sorry I could not give you better news here. There are a lot of items that I am personally fond of that I have decided to not carry as well due to our limited space and need to satisfy the largest amount of our customers. In the meantime, some of our independently owned and operated stores such as Brentwood are allowed to carry the Turners Dairy Farms items as you note below. We allow those owners to have some flexibility in their item mix, and some stores have elected to carry Turners items based on customer demand or geographic proximity to the dairy.
Sincerely,
Brian Frey
Category Buyer
Giant Eagle, Inc.
101 Kappa Drive
Pittsburgh, PA 15238
412.963.2592
Fax: 412.968.1706
E-mail: brian.frey@gianteagle.com
D’oh! Well, it doesn’t hurt to try, does it? Apparently Giant Eagle has no intentions of widely carrying Turner’s products, but at least they’re honest about it. It’s just annoying that I can’t do all of my grocery shopping in one store (or even at one chain), especially with the vicious circle of fuelperks and foodperks and whatever other kind of perks they come up with next.
Interestingly enough, I just sent an email to all those with whom I’ve shared communication with in the past at Giant Eagle, but the “To” address was cut out of the original inline reply… so I have no idea which one actually got through.
I’m assuming they’d have to have an onslaught of messages in order to even consider carrying the Turner’s products. If you’re so inclined, you can…
Turner’s is awesome… whether you’re talking about the Iced Tea, the Tea-Bird, the Buttermilk, all the other products, or the customer service. I just thought I’d share while again trying out the post-via-email feature on WordPress. Apologies, you’ll have to read from the bottom up for it to make sense…
From: Nicholas Yon <Nicholas@TurnerDairy.net>
To: Eric Carroll <me@my.email.address>
Sent: Mon, February 1, 2010 11:38:57 AM
Subject: RE: Charlie’s Old Fashioned Buttermilk?
Eric-
Thank you for the email and picture! Looks like a nice variety of products. I am glad to know that your trip to Brentwood GE was a success this past weekend and I hope that it continues to provide you with a viable option for procuring our higher standard products (and especially our Charlie’s Buttermilk). If you enjoy baking, try the Charlie’s Buttermilk in everything from waffles to mashed potatoes to biscuits. Thank you also for passing along your comments to Giant Eagle corporate.
We truly value your dedicated support of our products. Have a great week!
From: Eric Carroll [mailto:me@my.email.address]
Sent: Monday, February 01, 2010 10:39 AM
To: Nicholas Yon
Subject: Re: Charlie’s Old Fashioned Buttermilk?
Hello Nicholas,
I just wanted to thank you for telling me about the Giant Eagle in Brentwood . We stopped a few weeks ago when in the area to no avail… the milk shelves were quite bare… must have been re-stocking time. This past Saturday evening though, we hit the mother-load. I grabbed two little jugs of Charlie’s Old Fashioned Buttermilk and (as you can see in the attached photo) a bunch of other Turner’s products!
The Buttermilk is awesome… it’s just like the stuff we used to pick up when I was really little at an old local dairy farm that is long since gone (Sinan’s in Murrysville/Export PA).
I intend to pass the photo along to several local Giant Eagles to urge them to also carry your products. They’re obviously great sellers, and all the stuff in the photo could regularly be their sale if they’d only have the stuff in stock!
Have a good week!
-Eric
.seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI
From: Nicholas Yon <Nicholas@TurnerDairy.net>
To: Eric Carroll <me@my.email.address>
Sent: Mon, December 28, 2009 10:27:44 AM
Subject: RE: Charlie’s Old Fashioned Buttermilk?
Eric-
Thank you for the email, kind words, and years of dedication. The Turner family, our employees, and our local family dairy farms truly appreciate your patronage of our products all these years. Plus iced tea stickers on a guitar case is “uber-cool.”
Listed below is the closest location to you that currently carries our Charlie’s Old Fashioned Buttermilk with real butter flakes. This is an independent Giant Eagle location, thus they are able to offer Turner’s higher standard dairy products.
I’ve also attached a “product request” form that can be filled out and turned into the store manager or sent to any local Giant Eagle or Kuhn’s. I would also encourage you to email the company directly via their website.
We currently produce three varieties of buttermilk:
– Charlie’s Old Fashioned Buttermilk – a whole buttermilk with real butter flakes
– Light Buttermilk – a 1% light buttermilk
– Baking Buttermilk – light buttermilk formulated for baking
Thank you again for the email and question. Have a great New Year!
Giant Eagle (they carry the plastic quart size)
Brentwood Towne Center
600 Towne Square Way
Pittsburgh, PA 15227
Nicholas Yon
Marketing Director
Turner Dairy Farms, Inc.
From Local Farms to Local Families!
From: Eric Carroll [mailto:me@my.email.address]
Sent: Monday, December 28, 2009 1:03 AM
To: customer service
Subject: Charlie’s Old Fashioned Buttermilk?
Hello Friends,
I’m a huge fan of Turner’s iced tea… I even wrote a letter years ago that warranted a free T-shirt and a few little jug labels. I grew up in Murrysville PA not far form a little mom n’ pop store called Thomas’ that sold your milks, teas, and other products & got me hoooked. I still have the Tea labels on my guitar case, and my wife cringes when I wear my bright orange and slightly tattered Tea-shirt.
Now I live in Pittsburgh, and I go out of my way to get Turner’s, as they don’t sell it at the Giant Eagle where we do our grocery shopping, or at the Kuhn’s that’s right by our house. We have to go to Rite Aid to get the tea, and we usually pick up Turner’s dip & some chips while we’re there.
I know of a small number of other places around that carry the tea… I think the BP station, and a beer distributor here are loyal Turner’s sellers… but I hear you have a new product that I’d love to get my hands on… Buttermilk with the flecks? I can’t find this type of buttermilk anywhere… I’ve been looking for it for … well, it has to be over a year now. I heard a dairy up north makes it… but I haven’t been able to find any in local stores.
My mom told me that she had discovered it at Wal-Mart in Delmont, and belives that the aforementioned Thomas’ sells it… but I rarely find myself out that way these days… especially not to do any grocery shopping.
Are you able to tell me which (if any) stores in my area have been carrying this new flecked buttermilk? I’m currently in Dormont… zip code 15216.
Also wondering… do you have any sort of form letter that I could send to Giant Eagle and/or Kuhn’s to request that they carry your tea in addition to or instead of some of the other local flavorless tea brands?
Thank you for your time, can’t wait to hear from you!
Thirsty!
-Eric
P.S. – What’s the difference between the baking buttermilk & the other varieties?
I’ve written before(although indirectly) about the foul assemblage of half-rotting food that is Kuhn’s Market on Banksville Road. You may recall my description of Kunh’s as relayed to Giant Eagle while requesting that they carry some La Choy Teriyaki Sauce. If not, here it is again..
I actually make special trips to the Shop ‘N Save by WAL★MART in Heidelberg or I actually set foot in Kunh’s Market on Banksville Road to get the La Choy Teriyaki Sauce. Have you BEEN to the Kunh’s on Banksville Road? I’ve gotten moldy peppers from that place, as well as ‘turned’ sour cream, …and melted ice cream. I don’t want to go in there. But, I do. Why? To get the La Choy Teriyaki sauce, my friends. It’s THAT GOOD.
I know I’ve told countless others. I know my mother-in-law looks at me in disbelief because apparently the Kuhn’s on McKnight Road is just awesome.
See? You can read the full story on KDKA’s website. Yes, I get that the point of the article is the union trying to organize there… but they wouldn’t be trying to organize if conditions were good. If I had to guess, I’d say that store owners keep the coolers and freezers on lower settings to save a buck or two… but at what cost? I really haven’t ever heard anyone say anything nice about the place. We’ll buy canned or boxed stuff there occasionally in a pinch, but we’re always looking closely at the expiration dates. As far as the meat & produce & even the dairy products… I’ll go out of my way to another store, or just go without.
Edited – Discussion was happening in other forums, decided to re-post some of that here…
Eric Carroll
Nice: http://bit.ly/9MqDcy I KNEW they weren’t keeping stuff cold enough at Kuhn’s. That place is filthy too. January 28 at 7:20pm via Selective Tweets
Dave Warren
I almost never buy anything remotely perishable there. January 28 at 7:40pm ·
Nunzio Martin
Dude that place smells I never go there January 28 at 8:00pm ·
Dave Warren
I will go out of my way to find a Giant Eagle just to avoid Kuhn’s. January 28 at 8:06pm ·
Andrew Welsh
walmart* is cheaper January 28 at 8:20pm ·
Dave Warren
Wal*Mart is cheaper, when they have the items that I require. They usually do not. January 28 at 8:22pm ·
Andrew Welsh
dave i have to correct you, it is no longer “wal*mart” it is now “walmart*” the corporate logo moved the star to the end.
yeah luckily for me walmart* carries all that i need, and is always cheaper. but that’s just me.
Kuhns is great for running to the store quick since it’s 3 minutes from my house. January 29 at 1:11pm ·
Eric Carroll
Didn’t it used to be a ★?
Wonder how much time and money they wasted coming to that decision? Sun at 12:40pm ·
Eric Carroll Kuhn’s Market on Banksville Rd. Favorited on http://www.youtube.com
I keep telling people that this place is filthy. No one believed me. Ha ha. I know they don’t keep the coolers cold enough… ever. I have brought home melted ice cream. From KDKA, full news story & video here: http://kdka.com/local/Banksv… January 29 at 12:20am via YouTube ·
T.J. Freeman
BWahahahaha fuckin bird! …. alright well if thats a violation then you need to close the foodcourt starbucks and everything else dealing with open food in robinson mall cos i’ve seen many o bird flyin around that bitch. All that aside … that Kuhn’s is about the only place around there to get food unless you wanna travel to bridgeville or parkway center or south hills…. fuck the union … if yer worried about it then just dont buy produce or deli foods there. January 29 at 12:28am ·
Cody Starr
man i don’t care how dirty kuhn’s is ……i would eat those deli pizzas they make with dust bunnies for toppings….they are the bomb January 29 at 5:01am ·
Jeffrey Guerriero
eric, my aunts family owns those stores, I used to shop there when we lived in Dormont. January 29 at 12:51pm ·
Bethany Pastorius Carroll
Kuhns on Mcknight Road is wonderful however this one on Dormont is a shithole. We will only buy canned goods or boxed stuff and that’s only if its an emergency. We have bought sour cream- molded. A green pepper- mold in the inside. Ice cream- melted by the time we got home. We will go completely out of our way than go there. Disgusting place. Sun at 12:17am ·
Eric Carroll
Yeah, they put the “ew” in Kuhn’s down here on Banksville. http://wp.me/pwqzc-5b – There are two Giant Eagles very close by too… one in Parkway Center and one on Cochran Road. Sun at 12:37pm ·
Eric Carroll
I’ve had a lot of people weigh-in on Kuhn’s on various forums. I urge you all to reiterate or expand here: http://bit.ly/cb9WJX Thanks! Yesterday at 3:56pm via Selective Tweets ·
Andrew Welsh
i still fail to see the big deal, the health department said these “aren’t earth shattering and were corrected quickly” Yesterday at 6:42pm ·
Michael Perdue
I’ve always remembered Ferris’ in M-ville to be particularly bad. Yesterday at 7:15pm ·
Eric Carroll
Andy… The big deal is that I was right about them not keeping stuff at the right temperature. I like to be right. Ha ha ha.
Mike – you’re right… both old Ferris weren’t quite right. 4 hours ago ·
Eric Carroll
“KDKA-TV’s Paul Martino did an independent review of Allegheny County’s inspection of seven Kuhn’s stores last year. There were some violations, including salad stored at unsafe temperatures, contamination from raw meat, and more temperature problems.”
I told you that Kuhn’s was disgusting. « World (and Lunar) Domination
aixelsyd13.wordpress.com
I’ve written before (although indirectly) about the foul assemblage of half-rotting food that is Kuhn’s Market on Banksville Road. You may recall my description of Kunh’s as relayed … Sun at 12:43pm ·
Adam Rahuba
Foodland, Shop & Save, Kroger, IGA, Sparkle, Kuhns are all dirty. Can’t stand em. Sun at 2:12pm ·
AiXeLsyD13
I got a lot of comments on this on facebook… both in my status, and when I “favorited” the YouTube video… None when I posted the link to the blog though. Post Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 10:22 am
Mike_Hype
I have to disagree with you entirely on this one. I love that Kuhn’s and I stop there almost every Sunday night on my way home from hockey to pick up produce alone. Their apples are awesome, their bananas are always the exact amount of ripe to take home and store for the week. I have not yet found a Giant Eagle that even comes close to the quality of produce that I get from Kuhn’s. I was just there last night as a matter of fact. Rotten apples from Kuhn’s: 0, from Giant Eagle: 5. What’s worse than finding a rotten apple? Finding half a rotten apple. Post Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 12:44 pm
Dave NT
The Giant Eagle Market District pwns n00bs. Post Posted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 8:04 am
Mike_Hype
Sitting here eating one of the best apples that I have ever eaten, it happens to be from Kuhn’s. Post Posted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 12:55 pm
AiXeLsyD13
While finding half a rotten apple is indeed disgusting, I try too look at stuff before I bite into it… although I’m admittedly overly paranoid about food in general.
I’d have to say, I’m fairly confident that if we set up an independent study of the produce at several grocery stores surrounding the Dormont/Banksville area… Giant Eagle would come out on top. Post Posted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 3:28 pm
AiXeLsyD13
I need to figure out how to get paid for random useless shit. Post Posted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 3:37 pm
OK, so in a recent McBlog, I made a call out to the readers to be creative and active, and make a chart depicting the levels of snacking as mentioned in my SPAMvertisement from McDonald’s.
This is my second request, in which I will simultaneously be more stern in my request, and shamelessly plead for your participation. I know you’re out there reading. I hear things. I see traffic. I get notes/comments on other sites. I get comments here. Let’s pull it all together here, shall we?
This is what I need:I’d like a chart, graph, illustration, photos of a diorama, cartoon, audio recording, video, whatever you want to create… depicting the “whole new level” of snacking noted in this letter. Is it a top level? A side level? A hidden level? A secret level? A low level? You can even use some of my past McDonald’s-related posts for inspiration. Is the McGangBang on the map? Does snack level have a correlation with restroom cleanliness? Is the ketchup station a mess? Does Heinz’s opinion count?
Here’s what you get:Bragging rights. Well, that, and one of my “Be Our Guest” Cards that entitles you to afreeMac Snack Wrap. Why only one? Well, because I already used one… and really, do you need more than one Mac Snack Wrap? Plus, the letter suggested that I share one… so I am. Also, it gives me a twisted sense of satisfaction knowing that McDonald’s is (albeit indirectly) sponsoring their own ridicule.
How do we decide who wins? Well, again, this depends on you… the readers. I believe that I have the option to put up a poll… so once all submissions are in, the voting will go on for a week or so.
How it will go down: Let’s give it to Friday, Feb. 5th, 2010 to get submissions in to me. We’ll vote the following week, closing & announcing a winner on Friday, Feb. 12th. You’ll have your free Mac Snack Wrap just in time for Valentine’s Day… so you can show someone you love how cheap you are. You can get submissions to me by leaving them in the comments here (if you’re ‘net-savvy) or you can email them to world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com.
If you’ve ever heard me on the subject of Pizza Hut, it all boils down to this… Pizza Hut = Gastrointestinal Distress. I have no idea why. I’ve heard the same thing from many other people when the subject is raised. I know I’ve gotten into it on facebook not too long ago too. I enjoy plenty of other pizzas from other chains & from the local shops, all with no digestional discomfort.
Contrary to the belief held by your delicious pizzas, my intestines are not a waterslide. Can you please instruct the to not use my digestive system as a waterslide park? It would be very much appreciated!
Well, their answers back then were quite dissatisfying, and when I contacted them again via snail mail, my query went wholly unanswered.
Perhaps that’s why I waged another campaign of emails with a vengeance. I looked up several Pizza Hut and Yum! Brands executives online, found the syntaxt of their respective companies’ email addresses, and fired off a few notes… as well as filled out the webform once or twice or so.
from ERiC AiXeLsyD world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com to Scott.Bergren@yum.com date Wed, Jan 20, 2010 at 8:28 AM subject Intestinal Warfare? mailed-by gmail.com
Hello,
This isn’t about a specific incident, but a general observation. There was nowhere in the webform to indicate that, so I had to seek out some email addresses. I find it quite rude that there’s no general inquiry area, or a contact email address.
As for the purpose of my missive…
I would like to know why your pizza treats my intestines like a water park. Every time I enjoy your delicious slices of pie, I feel like I have swallowed a hurricane that’s trying to escape via my …well, I’ll leave that to your imagination.
I can assure you that I’m not lactose intolerant, but perhaps I’m allergic to something in your sauce or pie? I don’t seem to have this problem with any other pizza places… chains or local.
Have any other customers written to you regarding gastrointestinal distress of any sort? My cousin who works in a Pizza Hut in Ohio swears that they use a different sauce there, devoid of the same effects.
Thanks for your time!
-ERiC
The email address experiment seemed to be to no avail. I’ve either been blocked by IT, spam filters, or wholly ignored. But, it looks like I did get a bite off of the webform…
from Dave Kronenwetter Davekronenwetter@aurorahuts.com to world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com cc Ed Holt edholt@aurorahuts.com date Thu, Jan 21, 2010 at 9:16 AM subject Pizza Hut Incident Eric Aixelsyd mailed-by aurorahuts.com
Dear Mr. Aixelsyd,
I was sorry to hear about your experience at the local Pizza Hut. Let me assure you that the ingredients used here in Pennsylvania are the same quality ingredients that are used throughout the country. In most cases our ingredients come from the same suppliers. The following website lists possible allergen & sensitive ingredients : http://www.pizzahut.com/Files/pdf/Updated%20PH%20Allergen%20List%2004.17.09.pdf This website includes our nutritional information: http://www.pizzahut.com/Files/PDF/Pizza%20Hut%20Nutrition%20Info%2010.12.09.pdf. Please feel free to contact me with any additional questions you may have and I will handle them personally
Sincerely,
Dave Kronenwetter
Area Coach
Aurora Huts LLC
412-897-6775
davekronenwetter@aurorahuts.com
Interesting. Well, at least now I have two good contacts… but perhaps my query will take a more serous and inquisitive turn.
Upon viewing the interesting pdf linked to by Mr. Kronenwetter, I see that a bunch of items there are marked “prepared in common equipment and therefore may contain allergens” in the shellfish column. I’m not sure exactly why this is, because I don’t recall any shellfish on the Pizza Hut menu, and especially since the items marked are oddly random and specific… Garlic Parmesan wings, and no others… three different pizza sauces… 3 of the 4 Tuscani pastas, and breadsticks.
I can only assume that these things arrive at Pizza Hut pre-made, and may come into contact with potential allergens at the manufacturing/processing/packaging facility? Oh well, perhaps I can figure out a way to address this in a goofy manner, yet still yield some positive and enlightening results. I know that many people suffer from the pizza hut digestion demon, and I really hope it’s not just some sanitary/kitchen issues.
Perhaps this too must move into snail mail territory. For some reason, most companies seem to treat a real live letter with more respect than an email.
I thought of Yum! Brands today as we watched Spaceballs… In the characters Kernel Sandurz and Pizza the Hutt – both now Yum! Brands brands. Would it be wrong of me to write to them and tell them that Mel Brooks is working on a new special edition of Spaceballs with more scenes, digitally inserted characters and creatures, and better re-vamped special effects… and that they’d like to include more Yum! Brands characters… like Captain Long John Silver and Taco Bell, and some droid sidekicks, A & W?
Well, I was wrong. It was some sort of reply/advertisement/spam all rolled into one. I was very disappointed. Then, I noticed that the letter wasn’t to Mr. AiXeLsyD, it was to Mr. Carroll… it must have been about the McDonald’s on West Liberty Avenue’s disgusting restroom? They never did follow up on a local level like they said they would. Instead, I get this advertisement for the Mac Snack Wrap and the breakfast dollar menu? Seriously?
At least now I have a contact name. I’m going to have to resort to snail mail to get a response for a real live person, I believe… anything other than the stupid “we can’t take unsolicited ideas” form letter would be awesome.
Oh well, the advertisement letter & a scan of the two coupons is below… I popped a “void” on them in hopes that Photobucket doesn’t delete the damn things. They’ve removed old coupons on me before… I usually always blur out any numbers or barcodes that might make them usable.
Wow, I’m so honored to be contacted with such an auspicious reply! I’m glad that my contact in 2009 gave them an opportunity to better understand my needs and expectations! …that were never properly addressed. I’ve already seen the Mac Snack Wrap commercials and billboards, so I’m now sure how this letter makes me among the first to know… perhaps there are some people in Appalachia and in Alaska that aren’t familiar with the concept of snacking on “a whole new level”. I’d like to see some sort of chart on the levels of snacking. Are they the opposite of Dante’s levels of hell? Or, perhaps… one in the same? [Insert your own joke about gluttony here.] I”ll perhaps have to address this in future missives.
In the mean time, I’m making a call to all of my readers… if you can make me a chart of the levels of snacking, it would be greatly appreciated! I’d love to share it with everyone.
Maybe next time, I’ll go with the angle that I find the proliferation of “Mc” to be disturbing to those of us with Celtic heritage…
Yesterday, I told you about part 1 of this waiter’s look into being proactive about allergies.
Today, I’m telling you that part 2 is up already. He has an interesting take that seems based on taking pride in your job & catering to all of your customers’ needs — quirky as they may be, something that is apparently lost on a large part of the work force.
Who doesn’t like Totino’s® Pizza Rolls® Pizza Snacks? More importantly, who eats only six at a time? Maybe for a small snack… or maybe I just eat too much. I don’t have them often, but when I do… I most assuredly want more than six.
World (and Lunar) Domination 