Tag Archives: beach

🏴‍☠️ Curses, Cutlasses, and Cauldrons | Joel Fatal, Local Troublemaker

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Curses, Cutlasses, and Cauldrons by Joel Fatal, Local Troublemaker

I’ve posted before about other friends that have written books. That’s not new. I know some cool-ass people. This scoundrel has an Ernie and the Berts tattoo though.

I was on a boat in the ocean exactly once in life. We were far enough out that we could not see land. I was told it was a rather calm sea that day. I still puked over the side. I caught an amber-jack, that apparently was not good eating because of a potential parasite? I am deathly allergic to shellfish, and I am not a fan of the beach. I have probably only had rum a handful of times and it was always mixed with Coke or Dr. Pepper. Still though, who doesn’t love the romance & adventure of pirate imagery, and pirate songs?

Here’s my review of Joel’s book:

This collection of thoughts, reflection, & feelings is delivered not unlike catching a glimpse of a ghost ship in the mist on the barely discernable horizon. Sometimes it’s just hinted at on the whispers of the wind or waves of the open sea. Then, all of a sudden you’re in the crow’s nest surveying the chaos of the poop deck in a storm or in the captain’s quarters as he sips rum and recounts tales of anarchy, punk rock, rebellion, & love by candlelight. Maybe it’s the brig? Or a deserted island. It’s left to the reader to fill in the gaps as they dream of their own adventures, shenanigans, & longing. Who can’t relate to a journey, physical or metaphorical? What is the line really? Get lost in this book, & create your own treasure map to get out or to get further lost. 🏴‍☠️

You should pick it up on Amazon via KDP or check out the Goodreads page.

A hand holding a book with an illustration of a witch stirring a cauldron against an orange background, featuring a skull and crossbones in the upper corner.
Curses, Cutlasses, and Cauldrons by Joel Fatal, Local Troublemaker

After you read Joel’s book, you’ll probably want to listen to my “Let’s Get Scurvy 🏴‍☠️🦜“ playlist, and maybe even try my treasure map maze (from my book, You Can See Yourself Out). Tell me what you like from the playlist & make suggestions for more songs in the comments!

A hand-drawn treasure map maze featuring a pirate ship, sea creature, palm tree, and treasure chest, set against a background of winding paths. (Hand-drawn by AiXeLsyD13)

You can get this one on a T-shirt, and a ton of other stuff too.

But really, buy Joel’s book. Tell me what you thought about it in the comments, you barnacle-ridden bilge pump!

A person with a beard and glasses (Joel Fatal) holds four copies of a book with a pirate-themed cover featuring a skull and crossbones.

Just Say “No” to Flip-Flops!

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The following is from an old Facebook post, but it still applies. Please, spread the word.

~🦶~

Dear parents,

This is a PSA: Flip-Flops are terrible. 👣

👟 If your kids (or you) are going to summer camp, church camp, day camp, play camp, rec camp, bible school or any activity that isn’t the beach, a pool, or a shower, leave the flip-flops at home. They are unacceptable footwear for just about every activity that involves placing one foot in front of the other.

Relay races, kickball, volleyball, archery, hikes, creek walks, night games, and even campfires become dangerous when flip-flops are involved. Please, douse them in gasoline, set them on fire, and never purchase another pair. 🔥

Sent with love,
Signed every camp counselor your child will ever have. 😬

I’m going to leave some proof below. Please share your Flip-Flip hate in the comments. This does not extend to sandals or Crocs, as they can be somewhat more acceptable footwear. You have to be ready to adventure at camp, and Flip-Flops are not the vehicle to that destination.

https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=10158888170493997&set=pcb.10158888170543997
https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=10156404141153997&set=a.10151120131758997
https://fb.watch/rHTv_z3ENA

Here is an excerpt from my last letter to campers/parents:

We do have a few notes from past experience on attire.  Please remember to have shoes appropriate for games and outdoor activities at a moment’s notice.  Flip-flops or sandals are good for the shower, and that’s about it.  It would be great if you had shoes appropriate for hiking, running, and maybe an old pair for a possible creek walk.  Also, though it is sure to be hot, some long pants for hikes add an extra layer of protection against ticks and a hoodie or other light jacket will help for cool nights around a campfire.  In addition it can help to have a sleeping bag and/or sheets blankets for the bunks appropriate for warm or cool nights.

And, from past checklists I usually include to remind kids & parents what to bring & what not to bring…

□ Sneakers – 2 pairs of sneakers if possible (Flip flops or sandals don’t count unless you want Eric to have some more campfire fuel!)

□ Walking shoes (bring an extra pair, if possible)  Flip-Flops are never acceptable for any type of camp activity be it a game, archery, a creek walk, kickball, or anything other than being used as fuel for a campfire.

Let’s start a list of why we should hate flip-flops!

  • They’re not good for kickball.
  • They’re not good for hiking.
  • They’re not good for creek walks.
  • They’re not good for gaga ball.
  • They’re not good for running.
  • They’re not good for riding bikes.
  • They’re not good for climbing.
  • Burning embers from a campfire can land on your toes.
  • You can kick them off by accident.
  • They can get stuck on a multitude of things.
  • You can be super annoying, kick them off on purpose, and lose them or get them stuck.
  • They are a broken or sprained ankle waiting to happen.
  • They’re not good for that swing amusement ride.

Can you keep the list going in the comments?

Please, post more flip-flop fail videos or stories, too!

Food Allergy Buzz | Shellfish Allergies at the Beach

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Just saw a cool tweet this morning, linking to an article from Food Allergy Buzz called Shellfish Allergies at the Beach.  It excites me because 95% of the time I see a food allergy related article, it involved peanuts or wheat/gluten, and the other 4% of the time it’s tree nuts or lactose intolerance.

Basically, it’s asking those of us afflicted about our beach fears.  I hope it sparks some discussion, and I’d like to find more of us out there!

I had never really thought about the possibility of swallowing a brine shrimp while in the ocean or being pinched by a crab and what might happen…  Heh.  I know I have handled hermit crabs without incident, and even went crab fishing when I was younger with no issues…  I just can’t eat the things.

My issues with going to the beach (besides being a bit overweight and a pasty/chalky white under my T-shirt line) mainly revolve around finding places to eat that don’t serve some kind of shrimp, crab, lobster, oyster, clam, mussel, or calamari dish.  It’s damn near impossible… whether it’s a bar, a road-side or boardwalk stand, or (of course) fine dining… it’s inescapable.

Anxiety over potential cross-contamination is a normal issue for me, but it goes up to 11 at the beach.