Update | Maze Marauder Mitigated


So, a while back… did you read about the weasel who grabbed a bunch of mazes online and put them into a self-published print-on-demand book to be sold all over the damn internet?

I guess I never did update, lots of the listings are down or read as “Temporarily Unavailable.” I would like them to read as “⚠ 404 Page Not Found.

I did get two short emails from the offender. Thank you to Jakob Mewes for reaching out! I never did hear back from Jakob after reaching out for further details. Did you Google AiXeLsyD and/or Gasoline Dion and find me here? I’d love to know!

I did get two emails from Mr. Heppke.

From: Kurt Heppke <mail@kurtheppke.com>
Date: Mon, Jun 30, 2025 at 8:22 AM
Subject: Re: Unauthorized Use of My Artwork in Your Book – DMCA & Cease-and-Desist
To: Eric Carroll <red@acted.yo>


Dear Mr. Carrol,

I'm sorry for using your trademarked images and I really want to apologize for that. I took the images from Pinterest and did not check the license. I made a mistake. 
I have requested today that the book be stopped selling immediately and will send you confirmation as soon as I have it.
I hereby give you written confirmation that I will no longer use your work.
I also confirm the immediate cessation of any further use or reproduction of your work in any form.

I am truly sorry for the trouble I have caused you.

I would like to make one more point about your WordPress post " Stolen Mazes! (Someone took my art.)". It gives the impression that I have flooded half the world with my books. No. I've sold the book 8 times in the last 3 years. So I think the damage is limited.
That's not an excuse! 

Anyway, thank you for your patience and kindness and I will definitely change my behavior when it comes to checking licenses.

Best regards

Kurt Heppke

---
Kurt Heppke
Tel: +## ### ########
Mail: mail@kurtheppke.com
Homepage: www.kurtheppke.com

And, then this, referencing the photo below:

From: Kurt Heppke <mail@kurtheppke.com>
Date: Tue, Jul 1, 2025 at 11:01 AM
Subject: Re: Unauthorized Use of My Artwork in Your Book – DMCA & Cease-and-Desist
To: Eric Carroll <red@cted.yo>


Dear Mr. Carroll,



I have withdrawn my book "Labyrinthe" from sale and would like to inform you of this, as promised:

Labyrinthe
Leichte Schwere und ganz ganz Schwere

ISBN-13: 9783756233120
Verlag: Books on Demand
Erscheinungsdatum: 30.06.2022




the German sentence:

"Wir haben Ihr Buch wunschgemäss für Bestellungen aus dem Buchhandel gesperrt. Auch die Listung für den internationalen Vertrieb und der E-Book-Vertrieb wurden damit automatisch ausgesetzt."

means:

"We have blocked your book from bookstore orders as requested. The listing for international distribution and e-book distribution have also been automatically suspended."


I would like to apologize once again and thank you for your patience and kindness.

Best regards

---
Kurt Heppke
Tel: +## ### ########
Mail: mail@kurtheppke.com
Homepage: www.kurtheppke.com

And this was in there:

the German sentence:

"Wir haben Ihr Buch wunschgemäss für Bestellungen aus dem Buchhandel gesperrt. Auch die Listung für den internationalen Vertrieb und der E-Book-Vertrieb wurden damit automatisch ausgesetzt."

means:

"We have blocked your book from bookstore orders as requested. The listing for international distribution and e-book distribution have also been automatically suspended."

✍️

I did not reply, as I am still salty about it. A little theft is still theft. I know Joe Wos sent something over to the effect of a Cease & Desist or DMCA, and Brian Hilbert commented on my last post. I never did get a comment from Sean C. Jackson. Not sure how many other maze artists were robbed. I never did track any others down.

Please, don’t steal others’ art & sell it. I have a lot here for free, like the ones that showed up in this book of plundered pathways.

<shameless plug> You can support your favorite punk rock letter-writing goofball maze artist by buying a copy of So I Finally Made a Maze Book or You Can See Yourself Out, or getting some cool swag from my TeePublic or RedBubble stores. </shameless plug> 

I did just upload some Halloween mazes, and TeePublic is having a sale. You can always get my books & merch up top. I sell tens of copies worldwide myself, I don’t need any help from art thieves.

I’m sadly still morbidly curious to get my hands on a copy of this outrage. Share your stories of art theft in the comments, or comment here if your stuff was also uncredited in this book!

Halloween Maze Merch


I know. I just made a shameless plug. After that though, I uploaded some new older Halloween mazes to both my TeePublic and RedBubble stores, along with some other stuff. Get yours now in time for Halloween!

Halloween Mazes by AiXelsyD13
Halloween Mazes by AiXelsyD13

I have some free Halloween mazes here from 2019 and 2022. I need to draw some more new ones. If you poke around my shops, you’ll find some other new stuff you may enjoy, too. There’s some more new stuff that I snuck in. Why not get a Sheetz Run sticker or a Wendy’s Maze apron reminding you to melt the cheese?

Stolen Mazes! (Someone took my art.) 🤬


So, I recently got an interesting message via my contact form:

Hello,

I bought a book in germany and in that book a "Kurt Heppke"
from "Norderstedt : Books on Demand" is using your artwork.
Did you ever give permission to that? I can send you more information if needed.

Greetings from Germany, Hamburg

I did write back, but have yet to receive a reply. I would like to thank you Jakob, for reaching out! Not sure how you found me, but then again maybe I am sure as the one stolen maze is kind of highly specific in subject matter, but we’ll get to that.

I did do some light Googling though, like a modern-day super lazy Sherlock Holmes (or at least Dick Tracy). The ever-so-helpful auto AI summary was actually kind of enlightening…

An AI summary via Google about some weenis that stole a bunch of mazes to create print-on-demand books.

Yeah. That one past stuck out.

“He finds inspiration for his books by browsing graphic portals and libraries.”

I take that to mean “Bruh finds shit on Pinterest or Google image search and steals it to put into his books.”

Cover of Labyrinthe: Leichte Schwere und ganz ganz Schwere by Kurt Heppke, stealer of images.

I did find a book creatively titled Labyrinthe: Leichte Schwere und ganz ganz Schwere, which according to Google Translate says Labyrinths: Light, heavy, and very, very heavy. It luckily had a link that looked like a preview link, and I was able to see inside part of the book.

Mr. Heppke has a website, and apparently several books. I know that print-on-demand can be looked down upon by “real” publishers, and these are considered “low content” books, but theft is theft.

I have been drawing mazes since I was a kid, maybe 4th grade or so? I have put a bunch up on the internet (especially at this blog among other older sites) for free over the years. I don’t need this dude or anybody stealing my stuff, taking credit for it, or making money off of it. Oh yeah, taking credit? Dude has stones. That sure looks like a © 2022 to me by his name in a book full of mazes that he didn’t draw.

Two of my mazes appear to have been pilfered:

Bruh took a bunch of mazes, but these are mine,

The original posts can be found here:

I know I have pinned them in the past, so they may be floating around there too. There are probably about 100 people on the planet who have heard, saw, heard about, or remember my old punk band, AiXeLsyD. Why take that maze? Our logo is right there beside a terrible drawing of my 1986 Buick SkyHawk. Weird. Also, it name drops Sheetz & Wendy’s as places to not stop (as well as a nudie bar). They may have a harder copyright infringement case than me? 🤣 I’m sure the maze is much older than 2012. The quality of the scan & the coloring is BAD.

The AiXeL-Mobile (1986 Buick SkyHawk)

I have thought about collecting all my old stuff for a book… but the thought of checking to see if they’re passable & providing solutions is overwhelming, and now that I put out You Can See Yourself Out, I feel like I have a level of quality that I need to maintain. Drawing the mazes & posting them has always kind of been a creative outlet & stress relief for me. I think I’d need to re-scan the pile of stuff that I have, and the stuff that I just posted to social media with phone pictures if I were to do it right… and include solitions.

I’m not doing art to get rich, or even make a living… but if I can fund keeping this blog AiXeLsyD13.com, and buy some art supplies, that would be awesome. I have made tens of dollars off of my books and merch. That’s not a complaint by any means, but some dude across the globe shouldn’t be making money off of my art. (As an aside, check this shit out! Art theft is rampant, and following @kilkennycat_art on Threads has opened my eyes to it.)

Which brings me to the other mazes here. I’m sure just by looking at the style, there’s a few mazes by renowned cartoonist, maze artist, & educational television host Joe Wos. I think there’s at least one by Sean C. Jackson. The cover appears to be by Brian Hilbert (Check out his Pittsburgh maze!).

Maze artists: Is your maze art here?

An index of stolen mazes assembled & being sold by Kurt Heppke.

I have tried to lift up other maze artists here. It’s a weird little niche. We gotta look out for each other, in my opinion. I did post about this issue on r/mazes, too.

I’m unsure of my next step. Is reaching out directly to Norderstedt Books on Demand and/or Kurt Heppke directly via email with some sort of cease and desist the way to go? Is that at all official? Is Google Translate even gonna get it right?

I don’t have any written verbiage here about my mazes being copyrighted, but I do have dated posts, and I think copyright is implied with any created works… no? I have no idea how any of it works really within the US, let alone internationally & specifically in Germany.

It also looks like this damn thing is available on more than a few sites:

…and so many more.

At any rate, I implore you to by mazes (or any art) from the artist through their official channels… or enjoy the many free mazes that are put out there by all of us.

So, Cease-and-Desist email or letter? DMCA Takedown? Both? Lawyer up? I’m assuming there is not much to financially recover with print-on-demand sales. I just don’t want anyone making money off of my art other than myself.

<shameless plug> Speaking of that, you can support your favorite punk rock letter-writing goofball maze artist by buying a copy of So I Finally Made a Maze Book or You Can See Yourself Out, or getting some cool swag from my TeePublic or RedBubble stores. </shameless plug> If you’re not inclined to make a purchase, that’s cool too. Maybe share the links, or just enjoy all the free mazes here, & check out all the other maze artists?

I look forward to your thoughts & advice in the comments!

Wendy’s Forgot How to Melt Cheese 🤷


Well, I’m on my old bullshit again. This is the part where I take an incredibly trivial thing that happened, and blow it wildly out of proportion. This is World (and Lunar) Domination. That joke is so old, the MySpace blog that initiated it is lost to time. I blame it all on my reading Idiot Letters.

I forgot that I blogged about Wendy’s not that long ago by sharing a pair of glorious Google Maps reviews. I guess I blogged about them way back in 2009 too. They never replied, apparently. Maybe I pick on them too much? Like this fork fail in 2012!

Sometimes I get responses, sometimes I don’t… but the mazes are fun. Aren’t they? (I’m looking at you Pizza Hut! Yes, you! I saw that dirty delete. But you too, La Choy, Pepperidge Farm, Aldi, & The Potato Conglomerate!)

I sent an email to Wendy’s the other day… via their customer service email. It was such a canned response, I got it twice. I used Gemini, ChatGPT, & Perplexity to help identify their executives and guess their email syntax, but I suppose I was blocked as spam for trying to email them all at once. And maybe for this attachment.

Wendy's Maze - They Need Help Melting Cheese

This is what I wrote…

From: Eric Aixelsyd<aixelsyd13(at)gmail.com>
Date: Sun, Jun 1, 2025 at 11:11 PM
Subject: Wendy’s, are you OK? (Bridgeville, PA)
To: <customercare@wendys.com>, <kirk.tanner@wendys.com>
Cc: <digital@wendys.com>, <compliance@wendys.com>, <mediarelations@wendys.com>, <privacy@wendys.com>, <InvestorRelations@wendys.com>, <customercare@wendys.com>, <abigail.pringle@wendys.com>, <liliana.esposito@wendys.com>, <carl.loredo@wendys.com>, <mary.greenlee@wendys.com>, <coley.obrien@wendys.com>, <john.min@wendys.com>, <lindsay.radkoski@wendys.com>

Hello Ladies & Gentlemen of Wendy’s,

I write to you today with great concern.  Your location in Bridgeville Pennsylvania (which some locals on Facebook & Nextdoor will pedantically yet vehemently point out is in Collier Township and not Bridgeville proper) is in what could be fairly considered shambles.  The dining room is not clean.  There are no baked potatoes about ⅓ of the time when I try to order them.  Wait times for orders in the app can be excessive.  Earlier today, we stopped in for what we thought would be a quick early relaxing dinner after catching Karate Kid: Legends at the local movie theater. 

We should have ordered in the app.  That was my first mistake.  We ordered at the register and I asked if I could have a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger, then a bacon & cheese baked potato.  After a long pause, the cashier looked to the kitchen and yelled to ask if there were any potatoes.  A disembodied voice answered “NO!“, so the cashier  laughed, looked at  me and repeated the rather rude “NO!”  Another long awkward pause later, I guessed I would take fries and an Iced Tea.  Well, my second surprise was that there is no more fresh brewed iced tea, but the swill that comes from the magical flavor selector Coca~Cola machine.

My wife did the rest of the ordering for her and the kids, and somehow it turned into a debacle much like the famous Abbott & Costello Who’s On First? bit… with items being grouped weird, & lacking a cup for water as well as notes to hold lettuce, tomato, & onion on a Dave’s single.  The shift manager had to be called over twice with an “I need your thumb!” while people behind us gathered & were wholly ignored.  In this kerfuffle, an employee noted the homemade “We need your $1’s” sign scrawled on an 8″x10″ sheet of paper.  The cashier adamantly expressed “We need that!” and a split second later, the shift manager angrily ripped it off the counter to the astonishment of the cashier.  This sign has been a feature there and at the drive-through window since COVID.  Who the hell pays in cash?

I think we technically stole a cup for water, but at total of $52.68 for four people, perhaps you can forgive us.  I mean, at this point who is robbing who?  If necessary, I will send a check to make it right.  Do people still use checks?  Maybe I can Venmo you.

Let me add some more context.  We got our burgers, chicken sandwiches, and sad french fries.  I chose Cherry Coke instead of tea, no big deal.  Since I had to settle for fries, I tried to get ketchup.  Both pumps were empty.  There was what I can only assume was a store manager sitting talking on the phone at the table literally closest to the ketchup dispensers who made no attempts to correct the issue.  I assume this was a store manager as he appeared to interview some poor unwitting soul who came in as I was trying to goad the last salvageable bits of sugary tomato sustenance out of their final home.  My wife, who was waiting for the kids’ Frosty shakes, told the cashier that the ketchup pumps were both empty and she was literally thrown some ketchup packets.  For the time allotted, it appears that the cows were milked fresh to create the ice cream.  I didn’t know there was that much room behind the fryers back there.  I commend your commitment to quality.

Now we get to the point that I just can’t get past.  I can sadly yet honestly overlook all of the above and chalk it up to a standard fast food experience these days.  What though, I’m sure you are wondering, could possibly have lodged itself so snugly in my proverbial craw?  Cheese.

That’s right, cheese.  How, my friends, does a restaurant that specializes in cheeseburgers… serve 4 sandwiches and not one of them has a slice of cheese that is remotely melted?  American cheese too!  If you look at American cheese too hard, it starts to melt.  I could maybe even give you that the Asiago on the chicken sandwiches had a higher melting point.  But, how tepid were those beef & chicken patties that it didn’t melt the cheese?  Shouldn’t the buns also be toasted on the grill?  Like cheese added to the burger on the grill and covered with a lid so it melts the cheese with steam?  Shouldn’t the chicken have come out of the fryer so hot that the cheese melted instantly upon contact?  Given the temperament of the employees, you can see why I didn’t dare complain then & there, lest I get cheese melted by being nestled in an armpit (or worse).

I really would like to know step-by-step what process you have for making burgers?  It surely could not have been followed properly in this instance.  

Also, are you OK?  How is this permissible or even passable?  Is no one from corporate checking on these locations?  Is there no oversight or secret shopper type program?  If there is, are these standards being met?  If you peep the Google reviews, the people have spoken.  It used to be that if a restaurant was out of something, they’d offer a discount for next time, a free item, or literally anything other than a blank stare.  I am not looking for free food.  I’m looking for a dining experience that matches the money paid, and this was definitely not it.

I have attached a maze for you.  It illustrates my frustration while attempting to bring some levity to the situation.  Perhaps while you try to navigate the correct maze path, you can contemplate the correct path to get this Wendy’s back on track.  Do we need to call Gordon Ramsay or Robert Irvine?  I really like a Wendy’s burger when it’s proper.  It’s got a great beef taste and used to have consistent quality.  The potatoes are great, but sometimes they too suffer from the cheese problem when the cheese sauce is topped with the shredded cheese.  I miss broccoli as an option for potato toppings.  They used to come out so hot that the steam could burn your face when you opened the container.  I miss those days.  Are customers too stupid now to avoid the steam?

I still just can’t understand how you can serve a cheeseburger without melted cheese at a restaurant founded on burgers.  🤯  What happened?  I remember the glory days of sun rooms, the salad & toppings bar.  How did we come to this?

I thank you for your time, and I appreciate you if you have managed to read this far.  I hope you find the time to respond, and I look forward to your thoughts.

Inquisitively.

-Eric

aixelsyd13.wordpress.com

This is what I got back:

From: Wendy’s Customer Care <customercare@wendys.com>
Date: Mon, Jun 2, 2025 at 12:21 PM
Subject: Wendy’s Customer Care [ thread::hsjDn4hRf3SLz4W3oE9RSDc:: ]
To: aixelsyd13(at)gmail.com <aixelsyd13(at)gmail.com>

Dear Eric,

Thank you very much for taking the time to let us know about your recent Wendy’s experience.

At Wendy’s, we strive to delight every customer. When your experience falls short, we are committed to making it right.

The details of your experience have been recorded in our system and shared with the franchise leadership team in charge of this restaurant. We hope you experience the quality and service that we expect on your next visit.

We have added a We Got You $ off in-app offer to your mobile account to use at any Wendy’s location. This offer is valid for 30 days from the date it was added. To find the offer from the Home page of the Wendy’s App, tap the ‘Offers’ option on the bottom menu bar. Then scroll to the bottom of the offers page and select the We Got You in-app offer. We recommend you check that the offer is applied before completing your order.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us and for being a Wendy’s customer!

Regards,

The Wendy’s Company

And then, I had to write to them again! I went a few days later, to a different Wendy’s, in a different state, to get a breakfast sandwich with that credit. Again… NO MELTED CHEESE! What is going on here? Who would happily eat this nonsense? Who would make a sandwich like that and think that’s OK? Apparently, everyone, at every Wendy’s, everywhere.

I did the survey on the receipt, and got this:

From: Moundsville 391 <moundsville00391@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Jun 4, 2025 at 10:15 AM
Subject: Following Up
To: AiXeLsyD13(at)gmail.com <AiXeLsyD13(at)gmail.com>

Hello Eric, 

My name is Ryder and I am contacting you on behalf of Moundsville Wendy’s. We got your feedback about a recent visit and just wanted to thank you for the feedback, we strive to serve every customer to the best of our abilities. We would be glad to give you a replacement meal. 

Best Regards,

Ryder

I replied to that including my maze, and got nothing. I wrote about it to corporate again, and got THE SAME EXACT RESPONSE as the first email. I got $10 credit the 1st time, and $% the second time. I don’t want free food, I want good food. They won’t acknowledge the maze. Neither will their snarky Threads and 𝕏 Twitter accounts. 🤣 No response from FB Messenger, either.

View on Threads
https://www.threads.com/embed.js

I may have to move to snail mail.

Have any advice or similar experience?

Oh, I almost forgot. How are they going to make a burger with grilled cheese sandwiches as buns if they can’t melt cheese? This is absolute shenanigans.

How yinz make your chili? 🌶 [Chili à la AiXeLsyD “Recipes”] 🌶


Yinz like chili?  I do.  I haven’t made any for a long time.  I may need to change that.  I stole this (& modified it) from my never-used Cookpendium blog.  My writing has hopefully improved since then.  Maybe not.  I like a tamer chili that would appeal to a wide variety of people to add heat as they like.  I like it thick enough to make a spoon stand.  I can take or leave the beans, and I reject your debatable elitist visions of chili or what it ought to be.

I ought to try and make a new batch using only stuff I buy at Aldi.

How do you make yours?


[Originally from a post at (the now defunct) PittsburghBeat.com, here’s a few consolidated chili recipe/methods…]

Recipe 1:

I’ve never made chili before, and in researching, I came across 50 billion recipes. So, this morning I made my own in the crock pot…

  • 2 cans of condensed tomato soup
  • 1 can of tomato paste
  • 1 packet of chili mix
  • about ½ cup of water
  • 1 tsp. of beef bullion
  • 1 can light red kidney beans
  • however much ground meat was leftover from last night
  • 1 tsp. cumin
  • 1 tsp. black pepper
  • a dash of cayenne pepper
  • a dash of paprika
  • a dash of garlic

…and I slapped it into the crock pot on low for 8 hours.

Hope it tastes good when I get home. I’ve got shredded cheddar cheese for the top of it, & Super-Pretzels to go along with it. They always served pretzels & chili in my elementary school cafeteria so they belong together in my warped mind.

Most of them use tomato paste, soup, sauce, juice, or diced tomatoes as a base… I even saw one that called for Spicy hot V8… and I think my mom always used soup. Tomato paste is usually bitter, so I figured the tomato soup would counteract it. All of the spices should be rockin’. I like my chili thick.

Oh yeah, about 1/2 the ground meat was cooked w/ some seasoning salt & A1.


Recipe 2:

Here’s what basically went into my chili. I’ll probably eventually make a blog about it with a narrative so I can remember what I did this time for next time… to see what I wanna change or what I wanna do again.

I ended up only using the one can of diced tomatoes (the one with jalapeños) and still kind’ve overflowed the pot by a small amount. So, next time I may cut out one can of tomato soup or a can of beans. Also, I want to try garbanzo beans in my next batch… and I’ve heard chocolate powder goes good in chili some times… so I wanna try that one day too.

I also tossed in 2 slices of Velveeta ripped apart, a dash of spicy brown mustard, and a drop or 2 of A1 Cracked Peppercorn Steak Sauce.

I think the meat that I used was too fatty or I didn’t drain enough fat (…even though I got a about ⅔ of a regular sized plastic cup full of fat out of it). I had to skim some excess grease off of the top when I popped it open this morning.

I’ll let you know the general consensus after it’s been consumed.

[Edit:  It was good.]


Recipe 3:

I must have pinned this at some point, too.  Someone re-pinned it here…

I think it was a joke about Pepto because this chili killed my guts, even served over mashed potatoes.


Share your chili recipes with me in the comment section below.  Don’t be a jag and sit on your secret ingredient(s).  Is it cocoa powder?  Chocolate bars?  Corn?  Zucchini?  Cinnamon?  Potatoes?  Steak?  Instant potato flakes?  Cornmeal?  Chupacabra?

How do you serve it?  In a bowl?  Over baked or mashed potatoes, rice,or spaghetti?  With soft pretzels or cornbread?  With tortilla chips or crackers?

How do you cook it?  Crock pot?  Dutch oven?  Stove top?  Over a campfire?

Do you like the Hormel canned stuff or the stuff from Wendy’s?  Who makes your favorite?

Spill it!

Five Guys Burgers and Fries: Doing It Right


So, the other day I posted a Facebook status about Five Guys Burgers and Fries, and I thought I’d share it here and maybe even add some more thoughts.  It seemed to get a lot of comments pretty quickly.

Here it is:

I’ll tell you what, for all the customer service and food service that I do complain about… one place stands out as incredible. Every time I’m at a Five Guys Burgers and Fries no matter the location, they are fully staffed… everyone is doing a job & doing it quickly & efficiently with a rather pleasant look on their face. They communicate with each other quite well. The employees seem to be having fun while getting their job done, and they seem to take pride in what they do. I can only assume they pay much better than the average fast food joint, or just know how to delegate responsibilities evenly & know how to treat employees. I was in the one in Robinson when they got SLAMMED at lunch time today, and they put more people on registers, and worked down an ridiculously large amount of people in a short time. It helps that they only have burgers & the occasional hot dog as a menu item I’m sure, but it still is pretty impressive.

I'll tell you what, for all the customer service and food service that I do complain about... one place stands out as incredible. Every time I'm at a Five Guys Burgers and Fries no matter the location, they are fully staffed... everyone is doing a job & doing it quickly & efficiently with a rather pleasant look on their face. They communicate with each other quite well. The employees seem to be having fun while getting their job done, and they seem to take pride in what they do. I can only assume they pay much better than the average fast food joint, or just know how to delegate responsibilities evenly & know how to treat employees. I was in the one in Robinson when they got SLAMMED at lunch time today, and they put more people on registers, and worked down an ridiculously large amount of people in a short time. It helps that they only have burgers & the occasional hot dog as a menu item I'm sure, but it still is pretty impressive.

I’ll tell you what…

I should take a video of 10 minutes in a Five Guys and 10 minutes in this damn McDonald’s on West Liberty Ave. and compare how they’re run.  McDonald’s employees are slow, confused, careless, and sometimes even slovenly.  Five Guys employees seem to be the exact opposite on every front.

I’ve been to several locations, the Waterworks, Murrysville, Robinson, and Greensburg… and they’ve all been run with the same efficiency, pleasantness, and extreme cleanliness.  I just think it ought to be said that it’s noticed by the customers, and they need to keep doing what they’re doing.

Of course, I’m very aware of food allergies, and peanuts are a big thing at Five Guys.  This seems to get a bunch of flack, but they do take allergies seriously.  The peanut-allergic have to accept it just like I accept that being allergic to shellfish, I’m not going to get a safe meal at Red Lobster.  It’s OK.  There are many many places to dine & choices to make.  I’m glad that I have Five Guys as a choice.  I’ve heard that they are excellent in handling a dairy allergy.  Just check out the comments in the image above to the right.  I see the allergy warnings on the door as a very responsible thing to do.

Even after all that… the burgers are just absolutely delicious.  I tend to get a bacon cheeseburger with A1 and green peppers… sometimes even mushrooms.  The french fries are almost as awesome as Kennywood’s Potato Patch fries, and that’s hard to do.  The ingredients are always fresh, the burgers always cooked perfectly.  One of these days I want to try a hot dog… but I can never get past the burgers.  Maybe a little burger & a hot dog will have to do some day?  I don’t even know if I can handle that.  I’m glad I don’t live too close to one of these places, I’d be there way too often.

I hope to send a link to this to Five Guys, just to tell them that I appreciate what they’re doing, and to keep on doing it.  Customers can see and appreciate that the employees are enjoying what they do, and doing it well.  It does make a difference.

Five Guys Burgers and Fries on Urbanspoon Five Guys Burgers and Fries on Urbanspoon
Five Guys Burgers and Fries on Urbanspoon Five Guys Burgers and Fries on Urbanspoon

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Is it weird that @Wendys' plastic fork can't p...

(Photo credit: eric_aixelsyd)

Wendy’s cares!  Ha ha.  Has anyone else ever run into this problem with impenetrable croutons?  I’m not exactly sure what they’ll be able to do about it.  Tougher forks?  Softer croutons?  Maybe I’ll get a free Frosty?  Will they start handing out sporks?  What about a metal Wendy’s fork that I can carry with me at all times?  I guess the possibilities are endless.

On a weird side-note…  Zemanta picked up my photo as a suggested image from Flickr.  How crazy is that?

If I owned a department store chain…


Every time I go to a Walmart, Target, Kmart, etc. I’m driven slightly mad. Sure, part of it is because of the stores themselves or the employees who seem to be rather uninterested in working… But most of the problem is the other shoppers. I was going to put a percentage on it, but I’m not sure I can. I think is a small percentage of idiots with a largely negative impact. Well, idiot just implies that they’re stupid. I think it’s more inconsiderate than stupid. I’m talking about people who are generally unaware of the needs, thoughts, and feelings of everyone around them. The best word that I can think of (even though I generally try to avoid being vulgar in print) is asshole. We all know what kind of person that describes. If I owned/ran a department store, I would try to prevent the behavior that goes with this type of personality.

Parking Lot

Parking Lot

Curbing unacceptable behavior would start in the parking lot (pun intended). One of my favorite blogs calls these people “Peter Parkers.”  They’re where the problem begins.  If your jackass behavior can’t make it through the parking lot, we’ll hope you don’t even bother to come in to the store.  Whether we’re talking about people driving & parking the wrong way in one way lanes, people who park over the lines, people who don’t slow down/stop at cross-walks, or people who park in handicapped spaces or on the line-covered spaces near the handicapped spaces.  That’s just the drivers…  Don’t forget that people need to learn how to walk to their car in a parking lot too.

Crossing Guard

Crossing Guard

To curtail all of this inconsiderate conduct we’d have meter maids, crossing guards, and cameras.  I guess the meter maids wouldn’t have meters to read, they’d just be parking enforcers.  Cars parked over painted lines, at curbs, or in handicapped spaces without proper tags will be towed.  Immediately.  I’m saying we’d go after them mere seconds after it happens, perhaps as their door is being shut.  The parking enforcers wouldn’t be like the people on that TV show where they argue.  They’d just do their job.  I’d have a tow truck or two on site at all times.  I have no tolerance for people who think that rules somehow don’t apply to themselves.  (I’m talking about inconsequential rules here like how to conduct yourself in society.  I think it’s always good to question authority & what not… but that doesn’t apply here where you’re just being a self-indulgent dolt.) 

People entering & exiting the store wouldn’t have the free reign to walk out into oncoming traffic.  Somehow (here in PA at least) people have taken “pedestrians have the right of way” to the extreme, where the actual law is that they have the right of way in crosswalks.  Everywhere else, you’re fair game.  A crossing-guard would facilitate safe passage and at the same prevent a traffic jam like you get in the front of every Walmart or Giant Eagle when an endless stream of lackadaisical shoppers lumber slowly in front of you without glancing in your direction as you sit in your auto waiting for a break in the action.  If the people who like to park wherever they please or run into oncoming traffic with faith in an imaginary no-fault law somehow don’t feel welcome in my department store, then good.  We’ve successfully weeded out the first wave of assholes.  If they have learned to conduct themselves in a respectful manner while spending time in my controlled outdoor environment, then let ’em in!

Amish parking, Cashton, 29 June 2012

Amish parking

(Oh yeah, bicycles would have their own parking lot… they’d share it with buggies & horses in Amish country, and buses would roll to the edge of the parking lot, not right to the front door causing endless amounts of chaos.)

Inside the store, we’d have checkout lines like the bank, Wendy’s, or Best Buy.  People can be incredibly ignorant when it comes to getting in line.  It’s certainly not everyone, but there are a select few who ruin it for everyone else.  See any McDonalds or Sheetz without the rope at lunch time.  It’s absolute chaos.

Queue Area

Queue Area

I know they’re not department stores… but it’s easier to see the same behavior there as it’s more concentrated.  It would eliminate getting into line behind the people who want to put things back, use expired coupons, write checks, talk on their phones, shop for everything in the impulse-buy section, or search for their method of payment long after everything is rung up.

In fact, no checks.  All it does is slow things down.  It’s 2012.  It’s almost 2013.  If you have a bank account, you have a debt card or credit card, some of them are even called check cards now.  Use it.  Don’t use that antiquated paper log-book that does nothing but slow things down for everyone.

No Checks Accepted

In my store, there would be no greeter that avoids eye contact completely or looks at you like you’re the grim reaper come to take them to hell.  Maybe there would be a robot there to say hello.  At least a robot could fake sincerity more efficiently.

Even though it doesn’t have to do with behavior exactly, the restrooms would have faucets in the sinks (with hot water) that you can fit your hands under, paper towels that are actually stocked regularly, hand dryers that actually dry your hands, and soap.  No foam soap, no hand sanitizer, no bathroom attendants to do it for you.  It might put people in a better mood if they can be comfortable.

I’m sure there are many other things I’d have to put in place, and many other bad customer behavior… but these are the ones I can think of now.

What would you do to make a trip to a department store more tolerable?  Would you enjoy it if stores weeded out the a-holes?  Are you one of the people who behaves like an a-hole by parking in the wrong spots, jumping to lines in front of people, and walking like an idiot in the parking lot?  Please, share your thoughts in the comments section below!

last minute shoppers.

last minute shoppers. (Photo credit: the idealist)

Dear Garmin…


Dear Garmin,

First off, I’d like to say that in the past I have repeatedly vocalized my approval for the Garmin brand, and GPS units in general.  We have a StreetPilot® c340 and a nüvi® 2555LMT.  I have told people for years to just get a Garmin.  Trust the Garmin.  It won’t get you lost.  It’ll get you where you’re going.  Don’t give me directions like “go down whatever street and make a left at the weird looking tree,” just give me an address.  Don’t fight it.  Turn where it wants you to.  I’ve expressed to my Mom & my in-laws to not fight the Garmin.  Let it take you the way it wants.  Even if it’s different from how you would go.

I even bought the nüvi after I was royally screwed by the “lifetime updates” to my StreetPilot.  (Sure, lifetime updates… with new maps that don’t fit on your StreetPilot.  No, Garmin, I’m not settling for regional maps when I bought updates for the entire continent of North America.)

I’m wondering now how the Garmin calculates routes.  The other day, I was driving on a major expressway, and my nüvi wanted me to exit & take a smaller highway riddled with red lights for most of my journey home.  I knew that staying on the interstate meant less stops.  I didn’t turn off.  It recalculated (thankfully this model does it without telling you), and the route I had chosen was actually 3 minutes shorter than the other route.  I had asked the Garmin to calculate the fastest route.  Obviously, it didn’t.  So, what gives?  It wasn’t the shortest mileage route either (according to Google Maps).  What did the Garmin calculate?

Also finding things “along my current route”… is there any way to give an acceptable deviation?  I know that going through Pittsburgh from anywhere north of the city to our place in the south, I can take two routes.  There’s a BBQ joint along one route, and a Wendy’s along the other.  If I let the Garmin pick a route, and I ask for BBQ joints along the route… it won’t find it because it takes the Wendy’s route.  But the BBQ place is still in between where I am & where I’m going.  This is fine in town… but if I’m out of town, I’d like the Garmin to be able to learn acceptable derivations from my route.  I’d go a different way if it meant finding something I’m looking for.

So, I’ve backed Garmin up.  How are you going to back me up?

Recalculating,
-Eric

Skunk Foot Road

Skunk Foot Road? Really?

Seriously; I’m not McDonald’s, but I will try to help.


It’s happening again.  Someone thinks I’m McDonald’s and that my website is printed on McDonald’s receipts.  This is the message that was in my inbox on Friday night:

From: Jay Culp <culp915@comcast.net>
To: me@my.email.address
Sent: Friday, July 27, 2012 8:45 PM
Subject: W(aL)D Feedback

Name: Jay Culp
Email: culp915@comcast.net
Website: http://google
Message / Comment: I was up mcdonalds on walnut street in mckeesport bout 2 months ago they messed up my whole order i called up there took my name address was suppose to seed me coupons bout never got them order 2 big mac got big macs w tomatoes and order 4 mcchichens w kep only they had everything on them was just wondering how long i got to wait for my coupons.
How’d you find my blog?: on recreipt

Time: Friday July 27, 2012 at 8:45 pm
IP Address: ##.##.###.###
Contact Form URL: https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/contact/
Sent by an unverified visitor to your site.

I wrote back with this:

From: Waldo Lunar world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
Date: Mon, Jul 30, 2012
Subject: Re: W(aL)D Feedback
To: culp915@comcast.net

Hello Jay,

Sadly… I am not McDonald’s.  Well, sadly for you & many others… not so sadly for me.  Although, I would perhaps enjoy the salary of a sole McDonald’s executive let alone the company as a whole. Although, if you own Google like the website field suggests, you know what I mean, my friend.  You could by and sell my economically-challenged ass.

I guess though, that you apparently used Google to find my website.  Thisperplexes me though, and has on multiple occasions:

How’d you find my blog?: on recreipt”

I’m pretty sure that no area McDonald’s locations print my website address on their receipts.  If they do, they need to pay me for customer service services rendered.  After all, I do reply until the situation is resolved (on my end anyway).

I’m guessing that a manager’s email address (not a website) was printed on your receipt.  I’m guessing you Googled that email address and it brought you to my site because that address or a similar one appears on my blog.

As a general rule of thumb… if it contains the “@” symbol, it’s an email address.  A lot of websites are preceded by “http://&#8221; or “www.” but not always.  A website would end in “.com”, “.net”, .”org”, or something similar & would not contain any “@” symbols.

Entering either a website or an email address into Google will search for that website or email address.  If you’d like to go directly to the website, enter that into the address bar of your favorite web browswer.  If you’d like to email someone, enter their address in the “To:” filed of Outlook, other mail client, or in your webmail… however you choose to access email.

If you can reply to me with the exact text written on your receipt, I will be glad to write to McDonald’s on your behalf.  I have experienced some success in dealing with fast food companies & getting coupons or other free stuff.  We, the little people, must band together against such mega-corporations who want nothing more than to take our money and treat us like the cattle they serve.

Certainly two months is a reasonable time in which to receive coupons as an apology to poor service.  Your order seems reasonable… although correct me if I’m wrong but McChicken sandwiches don’t normally have ketchup and Big Macs don’t normally have tomatoes.  It’s an interesting flavor palette you bring forth.  I may have to try it.  Ever have a McChicken with the sweet & sour nugget sauce?  That is fantastic.  It’s even better at Wendy’s with their chicken sandwich & sweet & sour sauce.  And, if you’re not swept up in the current Chick-fil-A controversy, I’d go for their sandwich with the honey mustard sauce.  Some older crazy lady always tries to push the Chick-fil-A Sauce on me, but she’s nuts… the Honey Mustard is far superior.  Also, I still miss the Arch Deluxe… especially when it had round bacon… not Canadian bacon, but round normal American bacon… with black pepper.  That sandwich was the work of a genius.

I haven’t been to McKeesport in quite a while.  I was at a recording studio there years ago and someone’s car got broken into while we were all inside rocking out.  I had a drink or two at the Elbow Room that was across the street.  Funny name… although inside it had a nautical theme… which didn’t seem to fit the name.  I guess elbows everywhere would have been creepy.

I’m sorry, I seem to get off track easily.  I’m guessing you didn’t take the tiem to read my blog when you landed there after your Google search.  Instead, you went directly to the “Contact” page.  I like that.  I see you’re all business.  The title World (and Lunar) Domination at the top didn’t even deter you.

You might want to check out these blog posts though…

I can’t really offer up anything else as proof that ⓐ I’m not Mcdonald’s and ⓑ My website isn’t on the receipt.

I seriously would like to help out though, if I can.  If you could reply with a photo or scan of the receipt, or simply just type the address/phone/email address in the reply, I’ll write to them on your behalf… Cc:ing you and keeping you in the loop.  I tried to help Jane, but never heard if that situation was resolved.  Some people are just ungrateful for assistance, I guess.

I hope this message finds you well, and that you have a good day, my friend.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Excelsior!

Waldo Lunar
Professional Customer Service Liaison, Esq.
W(aL)D

P.S. – Ever want to “Crop-Dust” at a restaurant when people are being exceptionally rude?

A McDonald's McChicken sandwich.

A McDonald’s McChicken sandwich. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I wonder if I’ll get a reply?  I’d love it if this guy actually wants my help and provides a valid email address to someone at the McKessport McDonald’s.  How do you think they’d respond to a 3rd party?  They never did thank me for helping to get that one fryer-cleaner company paid.

Looks like you can actually contact the McKeesport McDonald’s via Webform: http://www.mcpennsylvania.com/2842/contact/manager/

But, how fun is that?  None at all, I say.

Really though, “I was up McDonald’s…” How Yinzer is that?  Fantastic.  Let’s hope that this isn’t another fake message, and that Mr. Culp writes back.

The Arch Deluxe composition from an advertisement

The Arch Deluxe composition from an advertisement (Photo credit: Wikipedia)