Monthly Archives: November 2009

The Creepy Mrs. Claus

Posted on by Standard Reply

So, on Friday, we boxed up the fall decorations, took ’em to the basement, and brought up the Christmas decorations. My wife, Bethany, put out most of the smaller decorations that go around the apartment, we’ll probably do the tree and maybe some outside lights by the end of the week.

As I was laying on the couch Friday night while we were watching TV… I felt like I was being watched. I was! There was a creepy set of tiny gnome-like yes staring right through me from the coffee table.

It was a tiny eerie Mrs. Claus salt (or pepper) shaker. It must be a set… no idea where they’re from. Mr’s Claus’ apron actually even looks like it was melted a little at one point in time. Perhaps she was stored in a hot attic, near some warm holiday lights, or near a radiator?

So, I did what any normal person would do (I hope)… and I turned the creepy little thing so it was no longer facing me.

Bethany erupted in a fit of laughter, because I was obviously disturbed by a tiny inanimate object.

Saturday morning, I stepped into the shower stall, and Mrs. Claus was eight there on top of the shampoo dispenser looking right at my naked figure.

Game on. Bethany wins the first round.

Needless to say, Mrs. Claus was all over the house this weekend.

We’ve played this game before with empty toilet paper rolls… because someone refuses to change them when they’re done, and just sets a new roll on the window sill. Not naming anyone here, I’m just sayin’. They’ve ended up in pillowcases, in the freezer, in the car… you name it.

This morning, I used my cell phone to capture an image of the disturbing little holiday figurine, Photobucket to save it, paint.NET to crop it, and then I emailed it to my wife’s Yahoo!, Hotmail, & Work email addresses, and her phone.

Not sure where to go next… but I thought I’d share the creepy Mrs. Claus image, in case you had anyone that you wanted to creep-out.

Maybe I’ll eventually have to get a better photo with the camera. This one’s a little blurry.

The Thanksgiving Letter | AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com

Posted on by Standard 1

This is just a link to the one at Awkward Family Photos.  You have to read this if you know anyone that’s over-organized and just a little out of touch with reality.  AFP is a really entertaining site, too!

It’s genius, I tell you:

This is just an excerpt…

Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.

Genius.

Stuffing Recipe – Thanksgiving 2009

Posted on by Standard 19

Stuffing has got to be my favorite Thanksgiving food.  I remember Thanksgivings past where my dad & I would fight over the stuffing bowl like it was filled with gold, diamonds, and (for me) guitars.  The stuff is perfect.  Alone, with turkey, with gravy… the decadent amount of carbs is ridiculously awesome.

Last year was my first ever attempt at making stuffing… and my grandma told me that it tasted just like hers.  Is there a compliment better than that?  I had used as a guide an old recipe that my grandfather & grandmother had both used when making holiday meals.  My mom lent me the old cook book with my grandfather’s notes last year, I collected some others, and I made scans for myself (Updated URL).

I say “guide” because it’s not always an exact science when doubling/tripling recipes… and there really aren’t any cooking directions… it’s just a guide to make the stuff.  Also, I tend to do a lot of “oh, that looks about right” and a little bit of “hey, let’s add a little of this” in the kitchen, as most people comfortable there usually do.

A lot of times I see stuffing recipes online, on TV, or in the little books by the cash register at the grocery store… and they include sausage, apples, raisins, (yuck!) nuts, or even peppers, carrots, or mushrooms (all of the latter of which I’ like to try some time).  The philosophy behind this recipe seems to be a K.I.S.S. one.  I like that.  It’s a very simple accompaniment, and the taste that my mind goes to every time I think “stuffing”.

This year, it was definitely a two person effort.  I don’t know how I would have done it without Bethany and all four of our hands.  We made a lot of stuffing.  Sadly, I didn’t think to chronicle the thing with photos like I sometimes do with new recipes… but I did want to make a guide with my own notes, so when I do this next year, I remember what I did differently this year.  I know I altered things slightly last year, but the details were a little fuzzy.  I figured that if I’m going to do it for myself, I might as well share, right?  Plus, we got compliments from two moms, two grandmas, and an aunt… all excellent in the kitchen themselves!

I did take a photo today, because really, what’s a food blog post without a photo?  Perhaps I’ll see if my mom got any with her camera and amend the post later.

Thanksgiving Stuffing 2009

This year’s effort was delicious, if I do say so myself.

This is my first time really writing out a recipe… so pardon me if it’s a little convoluted or long winded.  I don’t want to miss anything, and I hope to get it all in the right order as well as make it an entertaining read.

Here’s what you’ll need to do it the same way I did…

Food:

  • 5 loaves of bread (equaled 56 cups once cubed)
  • 1 bundle of celery (3 cups, chopped – the rest can cook w/ the turkey or be a snack)
  • 2 Spanish or Sweet onions
  • The giblets & neck out of your turkey.
  • 1 can (14½ oz.) vegetable broth
  • 1 tablespoons of salt
  • ½ tablesppon Season All Seasoned Salt
  • 1 heaping teaspoon coarse ground black pepper
  • 1 heaping teaspoon sage
  • 1 heaping teaspoon poultry seasoning
  • 10 eggs
  • 4 sticks (2 cups) butter
  • some water
  • 1 cup fresh parsley
  • 1 bottle of Yuengling

Stuff:

  • 2 cookie sheets
  • cutting boards
  • small pot
  • electric skillet
  • Magic Bullet®
  • electric roaster
  • large crock pot
  • knives
  • a few large bowls
  • whisk
  • spatula
  • several large spoons
  • paper towels

OK, on to the directions…

  1. Monday night, get your loaves of bread, open the bags, and put the loaves on cookie sheets before dinner.  Leave ’em out on a table or counter while you do your thing.
  2. Right before your favorite prime time TV shows come on, set up a station on the coffee table in front of the couch with the cookie trays of bread, some cutting boards with knives, and the pans out of your electric roaster.  Cube the bread and fill the roasting pan.  When I say fill it, I mean fill it.  It will be ridiculously full.
  3. Cover it with paper towels, and set it on the kitchen table that you only use when company comes over anyway.  Over the next few days, stir it a few times a day, whenever you think of it.  This will get it nicely & slightly stale.  If you’re going to be doing anything that smells, like using cleaning chemicals, put it in the oven… but don’t turn it on.  It’s nice & warm & dry & not stinky in there.  The bread will absorb that stuff and the stuffing will taste like Mr. Clean made it.
  4. Wednesday night, get out your turkey… and pull the disgusting papery bag of giblets out of the neck cavity, and the neck out of its butt.  (Why exactly do they put the neck in the butt, anyway?  Who’s idea was that?) Boil the giblets in your can of vegetable broth, or just use plain water… or even turkey or chicken broth.  I thought the vegetable broth would add a nice flavor.  I boiled them for a nice long time, and let it cook down quite a bunch.
  5. Finely chop up your celery & onions… or use the Magic Bullet, like I did.  I’m not real big on chunks of slimy or crunchy stuff in bread-like consistency foods.  I probably had half of each chopped finely, the other half rendered to near-paste by the genius little piece of equipment that list the Magic Bullet.  I’m sure any food processor would work.. but this one is easy to pot pout of storage, use, and clean when you’re done.
  6. Then I popped out the electric skillet to sauteé the onion & celery mixture… probably in some Country Crock & a bit of extra virgin olive oil… adding some of the spices mentioned above, and maybe even some paprika… although, they don’t come the totals listed above.  These are the aforementioned “oh, that looks about right” and  “hey, let’s add a little of this”.  You’ve sauteed stuff, you know how it works.  I love this step because it turns the onions from gross into awesome… especially the Spanish onions.  The sweet onions are oddly enough not as sweet to me when cooked.
  7. Next time, I’m totally getting a pair of swimming goggles or those glasses that I’ve seen at Bed, Bath & Beyond for when I chop & pulverize the onions.  I was crying like a little girl who just watched a car run over a kitten.
  8. I popped the onions and celery into separate containers for the ‘fridge to save for Thursday morning.
  9. Next, I pulled out the giblets and chopped them into tiny pieces, & put them with the reduced broth from cooking into a 3rd refrigerator bound container to be used on Thursday morning.
  10. Go to bed.  You have to get up early.
  11. Thursday get up about an hour before your turkey needs to go in the roaster oven, and start to mix all this crap together.
  12. Add the dry spice ingredients to the now stale-ish cubed bread.  Good luck not getting any on the floor.
  13. Chop the fresh parsley.
  14. Nuke your butter in a microwave safe bowl, add it to a large mixing bowl, crack open the 10 eggs, and whisk away.
  15. Add the fresh parsley to the buttery gooey egg mixture.
  16. Add 2-3 cups of the broth from the giblets, and the finely chopped giblets to the now even gooier butterier egg mixture.
  17. This is where I got the bright idea to dump in some Yuengling.  It wasn’t a whole bottle… but I had it out & only needed about ½ cup for my butter/garlic/beer turkey injection/baste,  so I dumped some into the gooey buttery gibletey mixture, and drank the rest… all before 8:00 am.
  18. Dump the celery & onion concoction on to the bread, mix around, and then dump on the gooey buttery gibletey Yuenglingey mixture.  This is where it was imperative that there were two of us.  Bethany opted to use her hands to mix while I poured.  The mixing gets easier when it’s wet, as it goes down a little.  You should probably wash your hands before you do this.  Not that I think you’re stupid or anything… but there are signs out there all over the place… so someone somewhere must need reminded.  Use soap, and hot water.
  19. Now, this needs to come out of the roaster so the turkey can go into it… and you should be doing this around the same time as turkey prep… so stuff what you can into the turkey carcass’ various cavities, and put the rest in the crock pot.  I had Bethany scoop it into a bowl small amounts at a time as I stuffed it into the bird, so I wasn’t touching raw poultry and the stuffing that wasn’t going into the bird.  She made it clear that she wasn’t touching the raw dead bird, or sticking her hands into it.
  20. I sewed up the turkey and popped it into the roaster to cook, and then put the stuffing in the crock pot on low to cook for the same amount of time.
  21. Everyone told me last year that stuffing + crock pot = bad idea.  This is where I say that you could not be more wrong.  It was perfectly moist and heated well throughout.  I did break the cardinal cock pot rule by removing the lid every hour or so and stirring a little so it didn’t stick to the sides or burn.  This worked well, except that I didn’t get the bottom well enough.  You could add more liquid throughout if t looked necessary… or not stir if you like the crusty part as much as the other part.  If you use the crock pot enough, you get to know what works for yours.  Pop it on to warm or off a while before you eat.
  22. When the turkey’s ready, the stuffing’s ready.  Stuff yourself silly, send people home with leftovers, and eat for breakfast, lunch, & dinner the next day.

Well, I hope you enjoyed the process, and I’m sorry for jumping tenses.  I think I did anyway.  All over the place.  Maybe Dave and Kristin can give me some pointers on that.

I’d love to know what you think of this recipe, and how you do your stuffing.  I’m always up for trying things new ways… and I’m always up for eating stuffing.  In fact, even better — make some, and invite me over for dinner!

Allergies, Alliteration, and Annoyance.

Posted on by Standard 6

I didn’t like Subway’s response, so the issue has been passed along to the allergy people. I forwarded the entire conversation along with this explanatory note…

From: ERiC AiXeLsyD world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
Date: Wed, Nov 25, 2009 at 10:55 AM
Subject: Allergy Concerns & Subway Restaurants
To: Info@aafa.org, info@worldallergy.org, info@aaaai.org, t.wirth@sfaft.org, webmaster@foodallergy.org, help@allergysupport.org, help@foodallergyadvocate.com, niaidnews@niaid.nih.gov, jlieu@aanma.org, mszegedy@aanma.org, info@faiusa.org, lmitchell@kidswithfoodallergies.org, nicole@allergicchild.com

 

Aloha Allergy Afflicted Amigos,

Please see my experience with Subway’s lack of concern for allergens and cross-contamination highlighted below, surrounded by their ensuing lack of customer service/respect. Their final unapologetic apology can be viewed on my blog.

I find their lack of concern quite disturbing. What can be done to make companies like this more aware of these issues that can be deadly for a certain percent of the population?

While shellfish is surely simple to sidestep, what about my peeps that are petrified by peanuts, terrans that are terrified by tree-nuts, friends that are fearful of fish, my mates that are mired by milk, my sidekicks that are scared of soy, or my well-wishers that are weary of wheat?

Thank you in advance for your time, and I hope you have a safe & happy Thanksgiving holiday!

Always Anti-Anaphylaxis,
-ERiC AiXeLsyD

Impressive.

Posted on by Standard 4

Thanks for reading, people!

Please, again, don’t be afraid to comment here. Dave does. He’s still alive. Kristin and Mike have. They’re OK too.

Interestingly, it shows me that someone has searched for my email address. Ha ha ha. Also some other cool info there. Neat.

.seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI

Think of the Kmart employees this holiday shopping season

Posted on by Standard 9

Heh.  In yesterday’s pre-W(aL)D Wendy’s repost, it linked to a thread on PittsburghBeat.com which in turn linked to another old thread about Kmart which eventually came to a nice conclusion.  These weren’t listed in my older pre-W(aL)D post… so I thought I’d share them individually.

I filled out the survey noted on their receipts, at www.kmartfeedback.com. Apparently someone actually reads ’em!

Quote:
From: “SM3616, Store Manager” sm3616@searshc.com
To: XXXXXXXXXXXXX@yahoo.com
Sent: Saturday, November 29, 2008 6:12:41 AM
Subject: InquiryEric,I am the store manager of the below mentioned Kmart store. I would like to have an opportunity to speak with you directly. I do take pride in the store and would appreciate any and all feedback you can provide me to make your next shopping experience a pleasant one. Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.JODIE M. STROTHER
Store Manager #3616
Greentree, PA 15220
(412)922-3803 store
(412)922-9268 fax
________________________________Store Number: 3616

Customer Name: Eric XXXXXXX

Customer Phone: contact by email

Customer Phone (alternate): n/a

Customer Email Address: XXXXXXXXXXXXX@yahoo.com

Department: Customer Service Desk

Category Code: Customer Service Experience

Reason Code: General Frontend Service Issue

Situation:
SC# 0361611250800352385

The electronics department looks like someone knocked everything off the shelves, then had a dog put it all back. Pretty difficult without opposable thumbs, eh? Yes. Yes indeed. And, the dog didn’t know the alphabet in order to arrange CD’s & DVD’s either.

The cashier did not say one word to me. ONE WORD. After waiting through the ridiculous line (no other registers were open, as I was being checked out another employee lazily sauntered over to her register), the woman rang me up did not say “hello”, “hi”, “good evening”, “credit or debt”, or even “Go #*%$ yourself!”. After all my items had gone through, and I paid. I even said “Thanks” and smiled… and got absolutely no indication that I had even been heard. My wife looked at me like we were in the Twilight Zone.

Holy cow, this is ridiculous. Sadly, it’s indicative of what happens pretty much every time I go to that store. There are some other great area Kmarts, like the one in Robinson, and even the one in Bridgeville… but this one is closest to my house… What the heck is wrong with everyone who works there? Don’t they take any sort of pride in the store? Don’t the managers see what’s going on, how the store looks, how the employees behave… and why don’t they care???

I just can’t even fathom being a cashier, and not greeting people… or even acknowledging their presence. And, I can’t fathom a shift, store, or regional manager that would a. hire someone like that (let alone dozens like that); and b. let that kind of behavior slide.

***I was unable to call the customer no phone number, I did sent notification.**

So, I wrote these…

I wrote:
From: Eric _______ XXXXXXXXXXXXX@yahoo.com
To: “SM3616, Store Manager” sm3616@searshc.com
Sent: Monday, December 1, 2008 9:10:52 AM
Subject: Re: InquiryHello Jodie,Thank you for taking the time to contact me. I’m not sure if there’s anything further to discuss. I pretty much expressed my issues below.I can’t imagine how stressful it must be to run a store… but it seems that your Kmart is slipping in comparison to stores like the aforementioned Robinson & Bridgeville locations.

Back when we were just dating, my wife used to work at the Kmart on Route 8 just outside of Shaler (not sure of the actual neighborhood there), and the managers were on them all the time to have multiple registers open, to have the shelves stocked neatly & orderly, and they always had a lot of registers open at the front.

I just see a general lack of “give a damn” in Parkway Center. Hopefully the trend is reversing though, as this e-mail has shown me that you do indeed care about your store.

Thank you for your time,
-Eric
I wrote:
From: Eric _______ XXXXXXXXXXXXX@yahoo.com
To: Customer Service Kmart.com help@customerservice.kmart.com
Sent: Monday, December 1, 2008 10:07:05 AM
Subject: Re: Store Manager SM3616 / JODIE M. STROTHERHello,I’d like to just pass on the e-mail below, & show my appreciation for this store manager taking the time to contact me regarding my comments made via kmartfeedback.com as noted on my store receipt. Can someone let her superiors know that her time and effort did not go unnoticed?Hopefully she can pass the message of store pride on to the employees.

Thank you,
-Eric

Hmm, I got a response…

JODIE M. STROTHER wrote:
From: “SM3616, Store Manager” sm3616@searshc.com
To: Eric _______ XXXXXXXXXXXXX@yahoo.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 2, 2008 7:05:00 AM
Subject: RE: InquiryEric,Stressful is a word that doesn’t even describe what retail is nowadays. However, I do take pride in the store and at times it does get out of control. I appreciate feedback any way it comes. We strive to do our best with the personnel in the store. It does fall apart at times and we are working hard at correcting those problems.
Just keep us on your shopping list this year and let us try to show you we are looking at alternative ways to improve your shopping experience.Happy holidays and I look forward to hearing from you in the future.

JODIE M. STROTHER
Store Manager #3616
Greentree, PA 15220
(412)922-3803 store
(412)922-9268 fax

________________________________

I found this to be a fairly positive response.  I can’t imagine trying to manage a group of people who generally do not care.

This is the icing on the cake though…

AiXeLsyD13 wrote:
Remember my Kmart rant? Bethany was in there not too long ago, walked by the electronics section and said it’s all neat & orderly…..and the cashier greeted her. Laughing

Subway®: “First, allow me to apologize.”

Posted on by Standard 4

So, I fired off two more emails…  One to Subway, and one to my new friend Mr. Jones at Quiznos.  No response from Mr. Jones yet, but we do have one from Subway.  I’ll share it all below!

OK, so email one, to Subway:

From: ERiC AiXeLsyD world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
To: “Bridenbaker, Mack” m.bridenbaker@sfaft.org
Cc: Paula Gomez gomez_p@subway.com; Kevin Kane kane_k@subway.com; Anna Marie Seeley seeley_a@subway.com
Sent: Mon, November 23, 2009 10:24:20 AM
Subject: Re: Subway [Customer ID: 1918316]

Hello Mr. Bridenbaker,

It’s been over a week since your email to me saying that Ms. Gomez would address my concerns and I’ve yet to see any sort of response.  I still haven’t had a reply to my initial message to Ms. Seely, or  from anyone on your team.  I’m disappointed in the lack of comment overall, my first message which was sent on Oct. 28th has still gone unanswered.

I now understand why the employees in your stores have an “I don’t care” attitude.  It trickles down from the top, and certainly must be passed on in franchise owners, hiring, & training.

I’m amazed at your total lack of concern for the decline of your once championing establishment.  I should perhaps pass on my shellfish allergen and cross-contamination concerns to some allergy awareness groups.  Perhaps allergy awareness lobbyists will warrant some attention.  Everyone I know already hates Jared and the $5 footlong commercials, so I don’t need to push the issue on that one.  The concept of cheese tessellation will obviously elude the average sandwich artist from now until the end of time, so we have no hope there.

Perhaps in copying Quiznos’ idea of toasting subs, you should also adopt their business model in using better quality ingredients and customer service policies.  I have had a continued dialog with them regarding your lack of customer service and their seemingly misleading Toasty Torpedo ads with the very tiny hands.  They proudly stand behind their ads (however creepy), their innovation, and their customer service.

Not signed.  On purpose.  Notice all the Cc’s, everyone hates that… I don’t care who you are.   I tried to poke at every issue and make empty useless claims about allergy awareness groups, and I brought up that Quiznos is the trend-setter while noting that they’re also not perfect.

And, on a friendlier note to Quiznos, I decided to reveal my intentions to an amicable Mr. Jones:

From: ERiC AiXeLsyD world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
Date: Mon, Nov 23, 2009 at 9:22 AM
Subject: Re: The Quiznos Toasty TorpedoT ads?
To: “Jones, Tony” TJones2@quiznos.com

Thanks Tony,

I must confess, I do have a blog and I have been chronicling my email escapades there.  I like to play them as part consumer advocacy, part humor and all goofy.  I used to write snail mail letters, but email has made it so much easier & faster.  Some friends have encouraged me to keep writing, so I have.  I really enjoy the open & honest dialogue that we have going on, and appreciate that you stand behind the product & integrity of your company… and take the time to respond to emails such as mine.  Also, you obviously have a sense of humor, which has to be a “must” for any kind of customer interaction.  I’m sure you get goofier emails and phone calls from actual crazy people.

I’m intrigued at your suggestion that I get into consulting or franchise journalism.  Do you know how I would even go about this?  Would I need to obtain a degree in something?  I hope to grab followers to my blog just for amusement, but am unaware as to how to make it a profitable venture, ha ha ha.

Thank you once again for your time, I’m actually waiting to hear from some of your Quiznos colleagues, and Subway has still not given me a response beyond “someone will respond”… not that I’m at all surprised by that at this point.

Rock on!
-Eric

Hopefully he writes back in a positive light, and still finds all of this amusing.  Still waiting for further comment from his other colleagues, none of which have really delivered so far.

And, now, the fun part… Subway’s response (or lack thereof):

From: asksubway@subway.com
Date: Mon, Nov 23, 2009 at 3:03 PM
Subject: Subway
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

Monday, November 23, 2009

Dear Mr Aixelsyd:

First, allow me to apologize. Secondly, I would like to thank you for taking the time to contact us and share your comments.

At each SUBWAY® restaurant, it is the goal of every owner; manager and employee to produce each sandwich and salad properly made to order.

Our customers provide us with valuable input, which we use to improve our operations. Your comments were shared with the regional office in your area as well as the owner of the SUBWAY® restaurant that you have visited.  Since all restaurants are individually owned and operated it is the owner who would be the person to contact you in response to your concern.

I have gone ahead and copied our Training Department so that further lessons can be addressed with owners and their employees on proper handling.

Again, I appreciate you taking the time to contact us. SUBWAY® looks forward to your continued visits.

Sincerely,

Paula Gomez

Heh.  “First, allow me to apologize” not followed by an apology is extremely profound, and hopefully intentional.  Then, she thanks me for writing, probably through gritted teeth.

This line reeks of copy & paste:  “At each SUBWAY® restaurant, it is the goal of every owner; manager and employee to produce each sandwich and salad properly made to order.”

And, I love the long winded “it wasn’t me”/”it’s not my fault”/”it’s not my problem”:  “Your comments were shared with the regional office in your area as well as the owner of the SUBWAY® restaurant that you have visited.  Since all restaurants are individually owned and operated it is the owner who would be the person to contact you in response to your concern.”  Basically, she’s telling me that I’m being ignored by a lower level.

“I have gone ahead and copied our Training Department so that further lessons can be addressed with owners and their employees on proper handling.”  With what?  Cross-contamination?  Cleanliness?  Cheese tessellation? How to reply to customer emails?

“SUBWAY® looks forward to your continued visits” …so we can spit in your food?  Did she read my emails?  Perhaps this whole thing is just a reading comprehension issue.  I find it amusing that the e Subway spokesperson declined to comment.  Perhaps now is the time to move into old-school W(aL)D mode, and reply that Subway will not be allowed on the moon when I’m emperor.

Are there any psychologists or psychiatrists out there reading this?  I’d love to get your take (…if you can tell me without telling me what my own problems are, ha ha ha).

If you haven’t been following,you may want to check out the back-story rundown here:  If we’re keeping score, that’s Subway 1 and Quiznos 3½. That should explain the last email, and at the bottom there’s a rundown of all the ones that came before it (with links) if you’re interested.

Also… lots of people have been telling me they’re following… by word of mouth, or Facebook, or Twitter, and even via text message… but I beg you, if you’re reading… post a comment here, and others may have a comment about your comment.  I see by the stats that people are reading.  Don’t be shy.  We’re all friends here.  Except for you, people at Subway… Except for you.

Customer ID: 1918316

Fan Mail?

Posted on by Standard Reply

From: ERiC AiXeLsyD world.and.lunar.domination
Date: Mon, Nov 23, 2009 at 12:44 PM
Subject: Re: W(aL)D [Fan Mail?]
To: Tommy Horner tommyboy489

Dear Mr. Horner (a.k.a. The Moon),

I have it on good authority that you are indeed made of green cheese… and that you are most definitely not the moon. I will reserve any comments on your equatorial radius and lack of testicles. While I am indeed old, science progresses at a rate where age may be rendered irrelevant in the near future… thus ensuring more time for me to complete my total World (and Lunar) Domination.

If you keep up this behavior, you will most certainly not be allowed on the moon.

Although, I’m guessing from my blog stats that you have been one of the people exploring my old W(aL)D files. Too bad the beginnings were wiped out in one of the great PittsburghBeat.com crashes. For this studious devotion, your feeble attempts at threatening me will be forgiven. Perhaps one day, you can work up to a position of merit in the W(aL)D army.

Perhaps I need to ramp up the efforts to my World (and Lunar) Domination campaign? Maybe I will need to enlist some generals once again to help in the effort.

I also appreciate your taking the time to write to me, and encourage you to comment on the blogs that you find amusing. There’s no need to login. Just pop in our name, email address, and a URL if so inclined. Use Gravatar or a WordPress account if you want your photo to show up.

Your future Emperor of the Earth (and Moon),
-ERiC AiXeLsyD
W(aL)D

On Mon, Nov 23, 2009 at 10:59 AM, Tommy Horner tommyboy489 wrote:

The Moon
238,855 Miles away, and rising in the East
Earth, Milky Way Galaxy 27743

Dear Mr. AiXeLsyD,

I, For one, am highly offended by your eventual plans to dominate both myself, and the Earth. First of all, may I remind you that my Equatorial radius alone is 1,738.14 km. Roughly 0.273 Earths. Dominating me is out of the question, for I am bigger than you and wars on the Moon are settled by spirited rounds of Roshambo, South Park style (The Moon receives comcast cable). I have no balls, therefore defeating me is virtually impossible. I also often refer to myself in the third person, which makes the Moon awesome by default. In Conclusion, give up your silly dreams. You are too old for a human, and in your attempt I shall crush you!

Sincerely,

The Moon (Ya Dig?!?)

Wendy’s in Dormont (Pittsburgh, PA) – W. LIBERTY #5

Posted on by Standard 13

Heh. This is an older amusing one that wasn’t covered in my post about past W(aL)D insanity.

This one isn’t really completely in the W(aL)D category, as it’s a legitimate complaint… but still, it’s ridiculous enough to share. Below is the my initial email regarding the incident, and I actually broke my “no calls” rule to talk to a regional manager who was not amused.

You can see what she had to say as it all played out in a thread at PittsburghBeat.com.

At any rate, it pays to make problems like this known.

Enjoy!

-mE.
.seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI

Forwarded Message —-
From: Eric Carroll <me@myaddre.ss>
To: dnstech@wendys.com; dnsadmin@wendys.com
Sent: Mon, January 26, 2009 11:45:04 AM
Subject: Wendy’s in Dormont (Pittsburgh, PA) – W. LIBERTY #5

Hello,

I’d like to share with you a review of my experience at a local Wendy’s (W. LIBERTY #5 according to the Wendy’s store locator), also posted on UrbanSpoon.com. I don’t have very many “bad” reviews up, but this Wendy’s location has gone slow and messed up my order countless times.

I’d like to know how Wendy’s as a corporation feels about restaurants like this, and what (if any) measures are taken by corporate to see that this kind of thing doesn’t go on.

The full text of my review can be viewed here: http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/23/1346715/restaurant/Far-South-South-Hills/Wendys-Old-Fashioned-Hamburgers-Dormont-Pittsburgh

But I will also post it here for your consideration:

4084prime

“Dave Thomas would be ashamed…” by ERiC AiXeLsyD (63 reviews)

January 26, 2009 – Doesn’t like it – Seriously. I know I”ve said these words before about McDonald’s… I get that it’s only fast food, it’s cheap, and that I shouldn’t expect much… but holy cow, is this consistently one of the slowest “fast food” restaurants that I’ve ever been to. Of course, like an idiot, I keep going back hoping that it might someday be an actual convenience. Let me share with you my latest adventure…

Sunday morning, my wife & I were on our way out to my Mom’s house in the ‘Burbs… so we thought we’d get a quick bite to eat. It was nearing the 11:00am mark, so I knew we were going to hit the breakfast/lunch changeover. We skipped the McDormontonald’s because the drive-thru line looked like rush hour in the Liberty tubes. Thankfully, Wendy’s appeared to be a ghost town. There was hardly anyone inside, and there was one car ahead of us in the drive-thru but they were all the way up at the window.

As we pulled up to the speaker to place our order, I asked if they were serving breakfast or lunch, & was informed that they were serving both. So, I ordered the breakfast chicken sandwich combo, and the wife ordered the #2 bacon panini combo.

After receiving the order in what would be considered a long wait in a normal fast food environment but translated to remarkably quick at this location, I pulled into a nearby spot to inspect the goods. (Sadly, a must any more.)We discovered that my order was fine, but the wife had received a sausage panini instead of the ordered bacon panini. I checked the receipt to see if I had mis-ordered the # of the combo. Nope. The receipt clearly stated BACON in that nifty dot-matrix receipt font.

My wife’s not a big fan of sausage patties, and she was reluctantly leaning toward just eating it because time was of the essence. I know I like to eat what I ordered & paid for, so I went inside to get what I thought would be a simple swap-out.

Oh my, was I wrong.

My first encounter was with the young girl at the cash register. I politely stated that we had just gone through the drive-thru and that I wanted to exchange the sausage panini that we had received for the bacon one that we ordered.

I was told that breakfast was over & that hey couldn’t make a bacon one. After a slight pause of disbelief and bewilderment, I told her that I had just been handed the sandwich less that a minute ago through the drive-thru window… and it had been made just seconds before that.

She then yelled for her manager, and I stepped aside so she could help the next customer.

Now, while never working at a fast food establishment, I do understand that changeover time is changeover time… something to do with eggs on the cooking surface and kitchen setup and all sorts of things that are surely beyond my comprehension as the average fast food consumer.

After a wait the manager (coincidentally the very same person who handed me the order through the drive-thru window) came over and I again explained my situation… and he looked at me. Yes. Just stared blankly at me. For an awkwardly long time. I actually started to wonder if he understood English & was capable of hearing. Compelled to break the silence, I even showed him the receipt that clearly said BACON. All caps. No confusion!

Again, I was met with “we’re serving lunch now, we can’t make that”. OK. I understand. I get that. The point now is what can you do for me?

I asked if I could get something else as compensation, and/or get my money back. (I think I was growing visibly frustrated by this point.)

I called the wife, explained to her the complexity of the situation, and she decided upon a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger. So, I asked for one of those… and waited… and waited… While a guy who had gone in line in front of me had ordered during my exchange with the manager was waiting too.

After a while he exclaimed with multiple expletives that it was a ridiculously long wait, and how it was un-f’n-believable that a fast food restaurant with 3 people in it and a packed kitchen could go so slow.

I could hardly contain my laughter as I was also driven to the limits of my patience.

After what was surely sufficient time to cook & assemble 20 Jr. Bacon cheeseburgers, I received that, AND my money back for the sausage panini (which was now in the trash right behind the counter). So, I guess I got a free cheeseburger, hash browns & a drink.

I never did get any kind of apology, or admittance that they had messed up the order. (Which bewilders me that one can read bacon off of a screen and put down sausage… but I’m certainly not above making mistakes… so I can’t fault anyone for that.)

I just find it amazing that they weren’t apologizing from the start and presenting a solution instead of waiting for me to come up with one.

You’d think they’d have a “keep the customer happy” policy in place. Don’t they teach you any of this when you go to school to be a manager at Wendy’s?Take mom n’ pop shops… if they screw up an order or take too long, they’d give you a discount or a free drink or a coupon for next time… and they’re certainly taking more of a profit hit than a chain that would do the same thing.

At any rate, don’t go to Wendy’s in Dormont if you’re in a hurry, or if you actually want what you ordered.

I like Wendy’s. I grew up eating at the one in Murrysville, I frequent the one in Canonsburg for lunch. You have decent food for a cheap price, and I generally feel that the quality is better than that of other fast food chains.

I’d love to be able to eat peacefully and grab a quick bite to eat at the Wendy’s closest to where I live.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on my experience, and I look forward to your reply.

Thank you for your time, and listening to my story.

-Eric Carroll

me@myaddre.ss

Insanity.

Wendy's Old Fashioned Hamburgers (Dormont) on Urbanspoon

If we’re keeping score, that’s Subway 1 and Quiznos 3½.

Posted on by Standard 4

Wow, amazingly… Quiznos is still on the job, and Subway is still not.

The W(aL)D inbox was empty today, save for this…

From: HelpDesk <HelpDesk@quiznos.com>
Date: Fri, Nov 20, 2009 at 2:36 PM
Subject: FW: The Quiznos Toasty TorpedoT ads?
To: FO Marketing <FOmarketing@quiznos.com>
Cc: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

Thank you for your response back. Greg is currently out of the office so I will forward your comments on to our marketing team for you.

Rebecca Chamberlain

Help Desk Associate

QUIZNOS®

Subs • Soups • Salads

Our friends at Subway have still not written back… even though I was told by Mack Bridenbaker that Paula Gomez from Customer Care would address my concerns.

We also have another Quiznos email address to add to the collection.

If you need to catch up, here’s a time-line on this one:

  • I write to Subway about allergens, cross-contamination, hygiene, the $5 footlong campaign and Jared:  $5 Foot Up Your Ass. [Oct. 28, 2009]
  • Subway (Anna Seely, Customer Care) sends back a form letter that I in turn reply to: Customer ID: 1918316 [Oct. 29, 2009]
  • I send it to Quiznos to get a comment, and they (Tony Jones, Vice President for Quiznos representing the Ohio/Indiana/Pennsylvania/Illinois region & Gregory Boudreaux, Help Desk Lead) do:  Quiznos writes back before Subway – To put this in perspective I also tried to get comments from Sheetz, Jimmy John’s, & Jersey Mike’s – w/o so much as even a form letter generic response (wtf? seriously.) …and re-sent the concerns to Subway noting that it had been a while since they’d received my mail with no reply. [Nov. 1o & 11, 2009]
  • Response from Subway (Mack Bridenbaker, Subway Spokesperson) saying someone (Paula Gomez, Customer Care) will address my concerns:  Sort of a response from Subway [Nov. 13, 2009]
  • Since I have a good already open dialogue, I write to Quiznos about the little hands in the Toasty Torpedo Ads:  Are those midget hands? [Nov. 17, 2009]
  • Quiznos (Tony Jones, Vice President for Quiznos representing the Ohio/Indiana/Pennsylvania/Illinois region) writes back, amused:  Have you ever thought of getting into an independent consulting capacity… or maybe franchise news journaling? [Nov. 17, 2009]
  • Today, Quiznos (Rebecca Chamberlain, Help Desk Associate) writes back, to tell me that she’s passing on my email, and that someone else from the marketing team will get back to me.  Awesome.

If we’re keeping score, that’s Subway 1 and Quiznos 3½.  (The responses saying you’ll get a response are only worth ½ in my point system, OK?)

So there you have it.  Quiznos is awesome.  Subway is not.

What is “FO Marketing” though?

At any rate, please let me know what you think of the insanity… and where I should go from here.