Author Archives: AiXeLsyD13

Change is inevitable, and I hate it. #DollarShaveClub?#DollarShameClub!

Posted on by Standard 1

It started with some warning post cards & emails. Dollar Shave Club was phasing out the three bladed razors in favor of the 4… and switching my plan without asking. Well, mine, and all the other subscribers out there. Why?

Assuming a lot of their membership is male. Stereotypically, men are resistant to change. Why fix what’s not broken?

In the grand scheme of life, this is most certainly just a small annoyance… but an annoyance nonetheless. My typical email writing shenanigans has not provided any “real” answers other than some 🐂💩 about having done research that indicates people like the new blades.

The 4-blade razors feel like tiny demons ripping the hair out of your face one-by-one. I don’t know how a razor company messes up razors, but here we are. I can’t be the only one.

I feel like they had to stop making them for some reason. Costs? Manufacturing facility change? Why change a good thing? I thought they called them The Executive but now they’re calling them “Heritage.”

I sent them this maze via email, Twitter,Facebook, & Instagram, and that have not acknowledged it at all. 🤣

It’s not easy keeping up with these perpetually-out-of-style sideburns & my regal salt & pepper goatee.

The responses have been pretty banal. This was my original email:

Hello Friends,

I think you messed up… but it’s OK.  I’m here for you in your time of need.  I can help clear your mind so you can make better decisions.

I cannot find any fathomable reason that you needed to switch from the heritage series razors to the club series.  The old 3-bladed razors were awesome.  These new 4-blade razors are, to put it bluntly (pun intended), absolute shit.  After one use with the new 4-bladed razors, it feels like someone is ripping the hairs out of my face.

Honestly, I never paid much attention to what the old ones were called.  Was it The Executive?  I don’t know.  I don’t care.  It shaved my face, well, and I did not like any of the other options.

Did you test it on people with alopecia or animals that could not provide feedback?  Were you not alive during the New Coke debacle?  People don’t like change.  Men stereotypically do not like change.  I get anxiety when my wife rearranges the furniture.

You can imagine my displeasure with being forced to use a new razor, and my irritation (pun, again, woefully intended) at the use of it.  I have seen many other unsatisfied people on Twitter.  They all can’t be wrong.

My gift to you is this maze.  You can use it as you contemplate the best way to bring back the old blade.  Labyrinths have traditionally helped people meditate.  Surely it can help you come to a good decision and a concise quick plan to get out of this shenanigans.

I may be forced to try Harry’s, but I like your Shave Butter and I don’t think they have anything comparable.  How can I control my goofy lambchop-exsque sideburns and more-salt-than-pepper van dyke/goatee thing without a razor I can trust?  It is hard to maintain my perpetually out of style facial hair.  (Do you see an anti-change theme here?)

Thank you for your time.  I look forward to your thoughts on the whole thing… or at least an explanation of the thinking behind the change.

My face feels like Anakin when Obi Wan got the high ground.

Pleading for sanity,

-Eric.seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI 

This was their blah reply…

Hey Eric,

Thanks for bringing this to our attention. Apologies for the late response. This certainly isn’t the experience we would have hoped for and the quality of our products is a top priority for us, so we appreciate you bringing this to our attention. We apologize for the trouble. I’ll be sure to forward your feedback to the right department for a review. Your experience is extremely valuable to us. We also understand that change can be difficult but we decided to make and sell our own Club Series razor.

Of course, if you’d prefer to cancel your account immediately, we understand as well. Just let us know what you decide and we can get that taken care of right away.

Thanks,

Jane

Then, this…

Thanks Jane,

Did you or any of your team at least try the maze while you thought it over?

This is an insane level of shenanigans.  I thought it would help you reach the right decision to keep making the old style blades until the sun explodes & swallows the earth… or at least until I die.

I would cancel, but your shave butter is super awesome.  I am stuck between a proverbial rock and a hard place, but the rock is traditional shaving cream or gel, and the hard place is your 4-blade razors that feel like they are tugging the follicles out of my face.

Dejected,

Bushy in Bridgeville

This was it. Again. Is “Jane” AI?

Hey Eric,

Thanks for getting back to us. We are currently working on this issue. Can you please confirm if you want me to cancel your account immediately? As checked, you have an item with your recurring box that will be billed this coming April 21st.

Looking forward to your response so we can have this taken care of.

Thanks,

Jane

I guess this is where it ends, my friends.

Hello Jane,

I guess I would like you to cancel my subscription.  I feel like you’re “sus” (as my kids would say) AI, and you’re not giving real reasons why the blades were changed, or even acknowledging my hilarious maze.

I think I may go with Amazon.  Harry’s doesn’t appear to have that shave butter goodness… and Amazon has a plethora of options.  I get TV, music, and everything else from Amazon anyway.  I, for one, welcome our capitalist digital overlords.  Maybe they have a sense of humor?  I can draw them a maze and see if they appreciate it.

It’s never too late to re-think your bad decisions.  Please share the maze with your friends & co-workers.

-Eric.

seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI 

I would move to Harry’s, but they seem to not have anything comparable to DSC’s Shave Butter. I am a convert. No more cream or gel for me. I need to try this dastardly 6-bladed razor. Perhaps an Amazon subscription service will do me well?

They didn’t respond via Facebook messenger, a DM on Twitter seemed very AI, and Instagram’s DM was not entertaining in the least.

I’m not the only one who thought so either. Twitter is LIT UP about it.

https://twitter.com/nswhitley/status/1631739167641141272
https://twitter.com/xtian666/status/1632163174966525952
https://twitter.com/nswhitley/status/1631739167641141272
https://twitter.com/xtian666/status/1632161873775964161
https://twitter.com/landlockedlover/status/1642316824934232064

Do you or did you subscribe to the Dollar Shave Club? Did this annoy you too? Sound off in the comments!

Also, try the maze!

A Tale of Two Wendy’s.

Posted on by Standard 1

I eat fast food more than a person should. I’m always on the go all over the place with work, and when I get to dine out… fast food is usually a safe shellfish-(and therefore death)-free option. Wendy’s burgers are pretty good. I like a baked potato more than fries sometimes… if I have time to sit & eat.

In my never-ending quest to be ridiculous for absolutely no reason other than self-amusement, I present this to you:

Potato Soup 🥔🥣

Posted on by Standard 5

I’ve never made potato soup before. I read a few recipes, and decided to make my own style. It wasn’t bad for the first time! I wanted to save it for later for myself, so I thought I’d share while I was at it.

I wanted something that would pair well with Reubens, and I think this hit the spot. I have been on a corned beef kick lately.

Ingredients:

  • 2 sticks butter
  • ½ sweet onion
  • 4 cloves garlic
  • Handful of shredded carrots
  • lil’ bag of “bacon pieces.”
  • Cup of flour
  • ½ of a 5 lb. bag of gold potatoes
  • Box chicken broth
  • Box vegetable broth
  • 2 cups milk
  • ½-ish cup heavy cream
  • Dollop sour cream
  • Shredded Cheese: sharp cheddar, Gouda, extra sharp white cheddar – maybe a cup combined.
  • Pepper, salt, white pepper, paprika, season-all, garlic powder, onion powder, dried parsley. Use your own best judgement.

Method:

  1. I sort-of peeled about half a bag of gold potatoes, & diced them up… cubes smaller than an inch, maybe ½” to ¾”.
  2. Chopped up half of a sweet onion, and a hanful of shredded carrots. Maybe 2 handsful. Hadfuls?
  3. Minced 4 cloves of garlic. Probably could have used more.
  4. Put the soup pot on the stove… melted butter over medium, sautéed the onions & carrots for a bit, before adding the garlic… then the bacon pieces and the 2nd chopped up stick o’ butter. I hit it with some spices.
  5. Mixed some spices in the flour, and whisked that into the overly buttered sautéed bits, then let it brown a lil’ bit.
  6. Added the boxes of stock, milk, cream, & sour cream.
  7. Plopped in the potatoes.
  8. Brought it to a boil, still over medium. Stirred it a lot. A lot.
  9. Let it boil for like 15 minutes… then added the shredded cheese. I eyeballed it so my “measurement” could be way off.
  10. Stirred it again. A lot.
  11. Used an immersion blender to blend about half the potatoes to thicken the soup.
  12. Let it sit while I made Reubens.
  13. Served with a smaller dollop of sour cream, bacon bits, & mix of shredded cheese on top.

Notes:

  • I bought a pack of instant mashed potatoes in case I needed to cheat and thicken up the soup. I didn’t need to, but I bet that would wok if I wanted more potato chunks & to skip the blending?
  • Ham or pork bullion/broth would probably reinforce the bacon flavor?
  • I wonder if roasting the potoates before adding to the soup would add some more flavor?
  • Parmesan cheese may have been good too?
  • Could have upped the spice with some cayenne or more white pepper, or maybe put tobaso/red hot in the serving bowl?
  • Could have used real bacon, fried it in the bottom 1st & used that grease to mix with the flour… but I didn’t feel like opening a pack of back only to use 4 or so strips.
  • Chives would be good if that’s your thing.

Any suggestions? Like I said, I wanted to pair it with Reubens. I have been on a corned beef kick. You don’t need a recipe for that, do you? Let me know if you do.


Like I said, I have been on a corned beef kick lately…

These are interesting reads on Corned Beef:

Enjoy a Celtic playlist or two, and tell me what good stuff I’m missing…

🍻
ℌ𝔢𝔯𝔢’𝔰 𝔱𝔬 𝔞 𝔩𝔬𝔫𝔤 𝔩𝔦𝔣𝔢, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔞 𝔪𝔢𝔯𝔯𝔶 𝔬𝔫𝔢.
𝔄 𝔮𝔲𝔦𝔠𝔨 𝔡𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔥, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔞𝔫 𝔢𝔞𝔰𝔶 𝔬𝔫𝔢.
𝔄 𝔭𝔯𝔢𝔱𝔱𝔶 𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔞𝔫 𝔥𝔬𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔱 𝔬𝔫𝔢.
𝔄 𝔠𝔬𝔩𝔡 𝔟𝔢𝔢𝔯, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔞𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔬𝔫𝔢!

Well, I’m at it again.

Posted on by Standard 1

I can’t help it. I need to draw mazes. I should try to get them out there. There are so many print-on-demand services that handle all the manufacturing and logistics… it would be crazy to not try & generate some passive income from my mazes.

How do I choose though?

I certainly have a style. So, I drew a maze, emailed a bunch of services at once, and submitted webforms to others asking why I should choose them. It should prove entertaining whether any of it lands or not.

Here’s the email:

Hello friends,

I write to you today somewhat overwhelmed.  The great and powerful all-knowing Google has given me a multitude of options.  I have so many options I’m nearly paralyzed with indecision.

Perhaps I am getting ahead of myself.  I’m an artist of sorts.  I’m a bit of a strange duck.  I need a creative outlet so I turned to blogging, so I guess I write a bit too.  I have been drawing mazes since I was about 12 or 13 years old, and now I’m 46.  I have been repeatedly told I should publish them or something, but I just never did.  I was more about squiggles than coherent themes or cartoons.  I have branched out.

I would like to get some of my mazes on merchandise like T-shirts or mugs, and maybe into self-published books.  I had a guy with a sublimation print business set up some maze mugs that came with a little dry-erase marker… but he closed up shop before any real orders were made.  He also made some really cool one-off socks!

This is where you guys come in.  Why would I use your service over the others out there?  Is there a one-stop-shop where I can set up merchandise and publish books?  Sell art prints?  I have browsed the websites.  I have read the low price and high quality sales pitches.  How would you, a creative person, implore a fellow creative person with an odd penchant for writing weird emails and letters to use your service over all the others?

I’m a huge fan of the no-money-up-front model, where you have a shop and a site and I have a small home there.  In that theme I would be using paint.NET or GIMP to tweak the hand-drawn mazes… although I just learned via Twitter that Scribus may be another invaluable free tool for putting together a book.  Do any of you offer printed mugs with dry erase markers?  Also…  I have a legacy pile of mazes some of which are stupidly sized larger than my scanner.  Do you think phone scans would be acceptable if they can provide good enough black & white image quality?

I certainly wouldn’t mind some somewhat passive income from a creative outlet, that can enable my stupid guitar habit or my rekindled LEGO habit.  I know my last creative “money making” ventures in local bands actually ended up costing money, so hopefully this pans out somewhat more successful.  Unless you also pay in “gas money” and free beer?

Would anyone want to wear a shirt with a maze on it?  Does anyone buy print media maze books and do them?  Good questions that I would like to answer.  I could print a book of mazes that I have drawn around letters to companies like Pizza Hut or Pepperidge Farm.  Should maze books include solution pages?  I like to draw mazes, not solve them.  Is that weird?

I’ll attach some samples of my work.  I really would like to hear your thoughts on why I should use your site over others.  Perhaps one of my mazes will inspire you!

Inquisitively,

-Eric

—

aixelsyd13.wordpress.com

And, here’s the latest maze:

I’m not happy at all with that paper, the pen, or the scan quality… but I did it really quick. I attached a few random past works to the emails & web submissions where applicable also.

I’m also looking into print-on-demand publishing. Would anybody out there reading actually but this stuff? Please, let me know in the comments.

What about a book of mazes sent to companies for various ridiculous reasons and their replies? Why read it here for free online when you could buy it? Yay! Send me money!

In all seriousness, any advice is appreciated… especially if you’re already successfully doing such things.

I need to read these about the publishing though…



DC, Marvel, & @JamesGunn.

Posted on by Standard 1

James Gunn preparing to promote Guardians of the Galaxy while on the DC payroll.

I’m excited to see The Batman Flash movie! Michael Keaton is the GOAT. I remember the absolute fervor when he was cast. Everyone was sure he would fail, but he became an icon and ushered in an era of superhero films. Hearing Danny Elfman’s theme gave me chills I tell you.

And I’m excited to see Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. These were irreverent films full of insanity & heart.

I enjoyed the other Guardians movies, Gunn‘s Suicide Squad, and I think Peacemaker is the best DC television show ever. I think the soundtrack is better than the GotG movies really. I have really been enjoying the soon-ending runs of Titans and Doom Patrol too. I get that Gunn has virtually nothing to do with this Flash film, but I’m excited to see what he has in store for the DC universe… and have dug his contributions to Marvel.

Is James Gunn the key to Marvel vs. DC at the movies, or the Amalgam Cinematic Universe???

If you go way back and you’re into weird movies, watch the Troma classic Tromeo & Juliet and get a copy of the soundtrack.

Can we give the man a Star Wars?

Pepperidge Farm Adventure Maze

Posted on by Standard 4

So, right before new years, I went on adventure looking for mini cocktail rye breads from Pepperidge Farm. They used to make one called Jewish Rye, and Pumpernickel.

The Jewish Rye was cool because it contained ground caraway seeds instead of the standard whole caraway seeds. I have had bouts with Diverticulitis, so I try to stay hydrated & avoid tiny sharp seeds. Caraway absolutely ruins sauerkraut, but it is good in rye bread.

Pumpernickel is cool because it essentially is named for the devil’s farts… and if that’s not cool, I don’t know what is. This is also code in my household for “I am always right.” I told my wife the name origin behind it, she said there was no way, Googled it… and, like I said… I am always right.

I know that the other manufacturer, S. Rosen, make cocktail-sized rye and pumpernickel bread… but the rye is not seedless. Apparently Hanky Panky means something entirely different in some parts of Ohio.

My wife likes to make this stuff for New Year’s that’s like swiss cheese, lemon-pepper, and mayo on the cocktail-sized Jewish Rye then toasted in the oven. It’s delicious. I like to make little mini open faced Reubens. The pumpernickel would be an acceptable alternative if I absolutely can’t find the seedless rye.

Because I’m weird and can’t leave anything alone, we have this…

I, of course, posted it on Twitter, Instagram, & Facebook. I tagged Pepperidge Farm & Pepperidge Farm Cares. To their credit, they did reply:

I did tag all the stores that I could in the photo on Instagram and Facebook, but none of them have taken the bait.

I had to turn it up a notch, to which they did not reply:

Hello, I was wondering if anyone had time to try and complete my maze while considering bringing back cocktail-sized Jewish Rye. The ground caraway was awesome, because it isn't a potential diverticulitis disaster like whole seeds are. My wife wpuld [sic] use it to make this delicious lemon pepper cheese appetizer, and I like to make tiny Reuben sandwiches and pretend I am a reformed King King that no longer has to eat people sacrificed to me on Skull Island. The mini pumpernickel is cool just because of the etymology. I mean? It has to be the most metal bread out there. How can you discontinue such wonderful things?

All of that just says:

Hello,

I was wondering if anyone had time to try and complete my maze while considering bringing back cocktail-sized Jewish Rye.

The ground caraway was awesome, because it isn’t a potential diverticulitis disaster like whole seeds are.

My wife wpuld [sic] use it to make this delicious lemon pepper cheese appetizer, and I like to make tiny Reuben sandwiches and pretend I am a reformed King King that no longer has to eat people sacrificed to me on Skull Island.

The mini pumpernickel is cool just because of the etymology. I mean? It has to be the most metal bread out there. 🤘

How can you discontinue such wonderful things?

Also, AI generated art seems to be the cool thing these days, so I tried to make this on a few different ones to go along with the blog post:

King Kong feasting upon a stack of tiny Reuben sandwiches on tiny bread. There is a stack of sandwiches in the background resembling the Empire State Building. it is evening with a full moon in the clear sky. King Kong has a highly detailed face where you can clearly see his expression of pure satisfaction.

I may have to buy a gorilla suit and make some tiny Reubens with the S. Rosen bread… and convince the wife or kids to take my photo.

Or, I may have to make a maze for S. Rosen, featuring a caraway seed that must make the journey through my guys without getting stuck, causing inflammation & a possible infection. Or maybe it has to make its way through a grinder before beign added to the dough & baked?

I doubt than anyone at Pepperidge Farm or Pepperidge Farm Cares is going to complete my maze. But, if they do, you can thank me later.

As far as discussion here, which I always ask for yet rarely get in the comments, let me know what you do with mini cocktail rye or pumpernickel bread.

Also… Ler’s discuss Reubens. Russian or Thousand Island? Regular rye or marbled? Do you add anything like bacon or swap out corned beef for Pastrami? Do you ever use Havarti instead of Swiss? Grilled in a pan, or on a panini press? I should blog about Reubens. Mmm. I’m hungry.

Also, please, please, complete the maze! Send me the results, post & tag me!

The most important takeaway is that if I tell you something, I am always right. Pumpernickel.

Harley Benton & Darth Vader GAS.

Posted on by Standard 1

I think I’m over it, but I recently had some bad Harley Benton related GAS. Look how awesome and cheap these things are! You know I have a thing for weird guitars. You know I have a thing for cheap guitars. This one like the Travecaster is cool. That’s on another list.

And, in the ridiculous category, these keep popping up…

Someday I will have $1000 to waste, or I’ll build one with those killer V-shaped boomerang pickups. I’m just glad I bought the Vader knob for my Strat before it was $75!

What’s giving you GAS lately? Would you buy any of these? Let me know in the comments.

Check out my other wish lists & all my current guitars:

Green Potatoes 6: Night of the Living Spuds 🥔

Posted on by Standard 1

Are you with me so far? I bet you thought I forgot about #GreenPotatoGate. Maybe you had, and wish I had. I think this may be it, as I’m never going to get a full response from Giant Eagle, and I did get some coupons! First, are you all caught up?

Had enough? Of course you haven’t. Read on, brave soldiers for spuds and titans for tubers!

As promised, I did receive some coupons from Tasteful Selections. Way to stand behind their products! There was a cool ingredient card too, so I may check that out. I do like purple potatoes.

Giant Eagle reached out with a DM on Twitter, then nothing. 🦗🦗🦗

And…

I submitted some shenanigans to Shop ‘n Save via webform, but haven’t heard anything back via email.

Although, I did get a Facebook message:

That was anti-climactic. They didn’t comment on the maze or the green potatoes.

I did, however, get one super awesome response to a positive message that I sent out about some potatoes from The Little Potato Compnay that I bought at Shop ‘n Save. I reached out like this:

From: Me <me@nunya.biz>
Date: Sun, Jan 1, 2023 at 10:44 PM
Subject: Thank you for a great product! 🥔
To: <feedback@littlepotatoes.com>

Salutations Spud Specialists!

I just wanted to reach out to thank you for your tremendous tiny tubers, or your perfect potatoes if you will.

Saturday I picked up a bag of the Terrific Trio style spuds from Shop ‘n Save in Heidelberg, PA, …and they were all fantastic.

You may think it’s odd to be so elated with a perfect product, but lately I have been on a crusade of sorts as I feel that nearly ¼ of all my purchased potatoes are green and arguably poisonous.  Albeit very slightly poisonous.

I eat a lot of potatoes.  So I buy a lot of potatoes.  It seems like no one is immune to the great greening that has taken place iver the last few years.  Yours were absolutely delicious though.

If you would like a window to my spiral into spud shenanigans, please feel free to catch the saga as it has unfolded so far at my blog:  

https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/tag/green-potatoes/

I’m sure that I’m up to at least 2 readers semi-regulartly that aren’t me or AI bots.  Well, I think.

I draw mazes.  I sent mazes to some of your competitors as a means to get their attention, and perhaps stand out among all rhe other missives.

I am sending them you you as a thank you.  Please, enjoy them and pass them along to your potato people!  I would love if you got a chuckle out of them and if you took the time to try them out.

I really appreciate your multiple avenues of contact, prominently displayed right on the packaging, and a super easy to navigate website.  I need to poke around the recipes!

I hope the new year brings you many new opportunities, great joy, & happiness.

Auld Lang Syne

-Eric

PS – Also attached is a photo collage of breakfast home fries with those fantastic tri-color delicious beauties.

And attached this photo (along with my potato mazes):

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is wp-1672606172129.jpg

And I got this response:


From: Feedback feedback@littlepotatoes.com
Date: Tue, Jan 3, 2023 at 12:21 PM
Subject: RE: Thank you for a great product! 🥔
To: Me me@nunya.biz

Hi Eric,

Thank you so much for the aMAZEing feedback! I’m glad you enjoyed your Terrific Trio home fries!

Don’t hesitate to check out our website at https://www.littlepotatoes.com/en/recipes/ for recipe ideas and upcoming contests. Also feel free to check out our Facebook page ( https://www.facebook.com/LittlePotatoCo ) to watch our video recipes and share with other The Little Potato Company lovers.

Have a terrific day!

Madison Marano | Consumer Service Coordinator

direct 587.460.2095 | main 780.414.6075

email madi.marano@littlepotatoes.com | web LittlePotatoes.com

11749 – 180 Street | Edmonton, Alberta | T5S 2H6

Neat!

I will be looking for more of their products too.

I think we can all agree, if you start seeing less green potatoes in the grocery store, that was clearly all my doing.

Please try to solve the potato mazes if you’re into that.

New Year’s Day Pork & Sauerkraut

Posted on by Standard 3

There are many traditions used to celebrate the new year. One we always did was have pork.

Roast Pork Loin Rib Half
Good Luck New Year’s Day Pork Roast AiXeLsyD13-style.

Generally, I cook it in the crock pot, but this year I tried it in the roasting pan in the oven. I’m posting my recipe/method here so I can refer back to it. Hopefully you might like it too, and you may want to check out my other recipes.

The pork after I seared it & placed it in the pan.
The seared pork before roasting.
The Sauerkraut after cooking with apples & onions, & adding brown sugar.
The cooked sauerkraut with apples & onions.
Hot dogs form the air fryer.
Air-fried hot dogs.
Paremesan/Butter steamed green beans, pork, mashed potatoes & sauerkraut, & a hot dog on a home made-ish roll with sauerkraut, shredded pork, & yellow mustard.
Steamed parmesan/garlic green beans, roasted pork, boxed mashed potatoes w/ sauerkraut, & an air-fried hot dog with shredded pork, sauerkraut, & yellow mustard.
The whole meal was pretty damn good if I do say so myself.

Ingredients:

  • 8 lb. pork loin (The one I got this year said “pork loin rib half”.)
  • 2 bags of sauerkraut (Beware, “Bavarian style” is a secret code meaning it has caraway seeds & tastes like royal ass. Unless you like caraway seeds or royal ass. I avoid it for diverticulitis reasons anyway.)
  • 1 bottle of beer. I used Straub Amber, but I also like to use Yuengling Traditional Lager. (You could also use Penn Pilsner, Stoney’s, Shiner Bock, or Smithwick’s Red Ale.)
  • Apple Juice (Maybe ½ cup?)
  • 2 Apples (I like Golden Crisp or Honey Crisp)
  • 1 Spanish Onion (Or a sweet or yellow onion or whatever you like.)
  • ½ teaspoon-ish Minced Garlic
  • Salt (or Season All / Seasoned Salt)
  • Pepper
  • Onion Powder
  • Garlic Powder
  • Paprika
  • Mustard Powder
  • Brown Sugar (Maybe ¼ cup?)

Instructions:

  1. Pre-heat the oven to 350°.
  2. Drain & rinse the sauerkraut, unless you’re in need of an intestinal cleanse.
  3. Sear the pork roast on all sides. I used a large fork to control it along with some tongs. I used a hot pan with a tiny bit of extra virgin olive oil & a pat of butter. You just want to sear the outsides, not cook the meat. I did add a bit of seasonings first.
  4. Pop it into your roasting pan. Add some of those spices to taste.
  5. slice the apples & onions then place them around the sides, cover it with the rinsed sauerkraut, bathe it with that glorious beer & apple juice.
  6. Put some more spices on the roast again because you just washed them off. Don’t measure them. Live dangerously.
  7. Put your food thermometer in, put the lid on, & pop it in the oven. You have a food thermometer right?
  8. Cook it to 145° F according to the FDA, 160° according to my thermometer with the numbers beside the pig icon, or 203° if you want it to fall apart.
  9. From what I read online it could be anywhere from 20 to 30 min per lb. Instead of popping it out & checking with an instant read, get a thermometer that can stay in.
  10. Let it rest a bit when you pull it out. That’s just good life advice in general.
  11. I mixed the brown sugar into the sauerkraut after I pulled the roast out. I didn’t measure. I read that was to prevent it caramelizing & burning too much… but I think it would have been fine in there the whole time.

Tips:

  • I put onion powder on the apple slices and garlic powder on the onion slices… because why not? Does anyone else do stuff this?
  • You could probably do this at 300° or 325° if you felt like it. Cook to temperature not time.
  • You could throw all this into the crock pot (if it will fit!), or go with a smaller roast to do the same. I’d guess low on 8 or 10 hours would do it. Again, that’s what I usually do. Maybe go half the bottle of beer & drink the other half for breakfast.
  • Thinking back, I think I put a half a bit of ham bullion (or better than bullion) in there too. I do that instead of salt sometimes.

What’s the deal with all the other not pork on that plate?

  • Steamed green beans with a bit of garlic, butter, & parmesan cheese.
  • Boxed mashed potatoes – I used buttermilk instead of milk. While nothing beats the real thing… I like the boxed potatoes because I like potatoes with a consistency that you could use to mortar bricks together, or build a structure like in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Those Bob Evans microwave potatoes might as well be potato soup. Also, buttermilk is the best.
  • I tried those hot dogs in the air fryer for the first time. I put slits in the top, then did 6 minutes at 400° and they were awesome. I did the bun for 2 minutes at 375° because I read some stupid blog, and that may have been to hot or too long. That should teach you a lesson about following recipes on a blog.
  • I served the hot dog on that bun (brushed with a little melted butter before air frying), with yellow mustard & some of the sauerkraut & pulled pork. I had one the next day & it was even better. That may be better than chili dogs!

I think the family liked it, or they pretended to. The 9yo liked the sauerkraut, the 7yo did not. Funny because the 7yo has been digging mushrooms and onions as of late, and he’s my dude that digs buttermilk. It may be a texture thing? I am weird about some textures.

Tell me about your pork recipes or new year’s traditions in the comments!

I always thought we were a bit German, but my Ancestry DNA test does not agree with that. We must have picked up the traditions from German or “Pennsylvania Dutch” friends & neighbors here in the region.

I’m glad this is not a tradition.

Also, if you like your sauerkraut without the brown sugar, I get that. If you like it with caraway seeds, I’m sorry your taste buds are broken.

If you line this recipe, you may like these:

Christmas Mazes 2022 ❄️🎅🎄🎁⛄✍️

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I did some drawing, scanning with the HP app on the phone, and coloring with paint.NET this year. Please, if you print & solve or them on your phone, PC, or tablet… share the solution! You can share it here in the comments, or tag me on Instagram, Twitter, or whatever social media is popular nowadays. I generally try to grab @AiXeLsyD13 on all of them.

I have them in color, & in black & white.

Have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Have an Easy Fast for Yom Kippur, Happy Yule, Happy Solstice, Merry Yuletide, Ramadan Mubarak, Blessed Kwanzaa, Cathartic Festivus, or whatever holiday you celebrate!

Enjoy one of my Christmas Playlists to get you in the mood while you’re trying to solve these mazes, or share yours with me! Check out my other mazes if you’re ready for more! You can work on these while dinner is cooking, or tonight while youre trying to get to sleep & waiting for Santa!

I’ll be making my Decadent Cheesy Scalloped Potatoes tomorrow, but the White Trash ‘Taters would be just as good. Ham with gravy, green bean casserole, & brussels sprouts are also on the menu!