The other day I plugged my crappy old Insignia Pilot into the truck stereo’s auxiliary input, & I started playing the songs on my trusty & hardly ever updated mp3 player in order by song title. I have no idea why I decided to take it off of “random”, but I did. (Sadly, my 500 GB hard drive has stopped working and unless it’s fixed I’ll lose a TON of music, so whatever this Best Buy generic brand mp3 player holds may be it for my collection for a while!)
I thought that “song titles that start with numbers” would be a pretty cool playlist. I’d thought I’d share some of my favorites.
I’ve posted advice for existing and aspiring bands before, and I thought this email from a pro would be useful. It was sparked when I saw his Facebook status the other day: “Great way to start the day: my favorite venue in the country complimented my email skills in contacting them to booking a date. It’s the highest praise I could hope for.”
The status went on to some comments & basically the author said he’d share the knowledge with those who cared to learn. I asked if I could post it in a blog, and here we have it. If you’re in a band on any level, pay heed to the advice below.
As far as background on Bengt, he’s in a band (& been in many), he records bands, he’s booked bands, and he’s generally been in every part of the scene. He knows what he’s talking about.
Action Camp
On to the advice & the guest part of this guest post:
♪♫♩♬♩♫♪
Alright, so here is what we usually send like 99% of the time. There always a bit of customization but this is the basic format:
1. Greeting, name the booker if you know it (usually listed on indieonthemove.com or their website)
2. Band name (with a link to the website), genre, location.
3. Date(s) requested in bold. They love that, it makes it easier read. If you can swing 3-5 dates that’s best, it gives them room. Do them a favor and check the website for those dates first, they appreciate that a ton. Also make sure to follow their booking procedure to the T. A lot of places have a specific way they like to work (Facebook message, Sonicbids, email format, etc). If you do it right it shows you listened so you’re already at the top of the pile.
Also, if another band that’s played there before suggested it, tell them so. It’s like introducing yourself to anyone else and starting with saying you have a mutual friend. It’s a job reference.
4. Links to music, video, press – let them decide if they want to book you. The more you talk about how awesome you are and why you should be booked, the more they think you probably suck and are trying to gloss over it. It’s like handing someone your demo and saying it’s not your best work.
5. If you played there or in the city before tell them. If you know what you drew and stuff be honest, they love that.
6. Offer to help build the bill, and specifically name bands you know or have contacted already.
7. Thanks in advance, Thanks for your time, etc.
8. ALL of your contact info including phone numbers. It shows you are easy to reach and you have your shit together.
One final thing: DON’T say someone famous produced your record, quote random blog reviews, list facebook or twitter numbers, anything like that. No one cares about that if they know what their doing in the working touring circuit. Steve Albini producing your record won’t make 100 people come out in Dayton on a Monday night, and facebook and twitter followers are ostensibly your imaginary friends that only you can see. Plus, even you have 4,000 people odds are only 10 of them are near the venue you are trying to book.
We are Action Camp, an art rock duo from Pittsburgh, PA.
We’re looking to see if you have Friday February 15th or Saturday the 16th available to book in the Revival Room – both look open on your calendar but I wasn’t sure if you would do a full house those nights. Our music is pretty different from what’s going on those nights so I’m not concerned about audience bleed over. This would be our 4th time to Southgate, 7th time in 3 years in the Cininnati/Newport scene. We know plenty of bands so we’d throw a bill together with 2 or 3 locals to help support.
If these are unavailable I’d love to work something out in the future. Southgate was/is by far our favorite venue on tour, I can only assume the new house is great. Sincerely, I (Bengt) booked a venue in Pittsburgh, and based many of my practices on the way SGH was run by Rick and his crew.
Previous dates:
Parlour 10/1/2010 (Gallery Opening, free show, 100+ attending)
Parlour 1/2/2010 (w/ Duppy a Jamba, 97 paid)
Parlour Summer 2009 (Flux Capacitors last show, well attended, don’t have stats)
Our most recent dates in the area were both in Cincinnati:
12/8/2012 The Comet Cincinnati, OH (100+, free show)
7/5/2012 Sitwells Coffeehouse Cincinnati, OH (smaller acoustic show, last minute add on tour)
Thanks in advance, can’t wait to see the new place,
So that’s it, pretty simple. Just be honest and to the point. I also should point out that this was 1 of 10 venues we emailed on Christmas, and he got back just a day later with this response:
“Thanks for writing. Those dates aren’t announced yet, but they are spoken for. How about Wed Feb 13, or Sun Feb 17?
“PS – very well done email, especially listing previous show turnouts. You’re way ahead of the curve on that one, and it did persuade me to jump on this, and get you in!”
I always email every venue that would work for us in a city, it’s better to have choices than no show at all.
So, there you have it. Got it? Good. Doing research in advance before you ask for dates seems like a no-brainer, but apparently it needs to be said. I guess some bands naturally put more thought into stuff.
I’m not sure how you’d approach this if you had no previous gigs in an area… perhaps we can get Bengt to comment further for new bands, first time tours, etc.?
From: Chick-fil-A CARES <chickfilacares@na.ko.com>
Date: Wed, Dec 26, 2012 at 8:09 PM
Subject: Chick-fil-A Response
To: <me@my.email.address>
Dear Valued Customer:
Thank you for taking the time to contact Chick-fil-A. You are very important to us, and we appreciate your suggestion regarding the cup holders. We hope the following information will be helpful.
Chick-fil-A is fortunate to have many loyal customers. Many of these fans take the time and effort to inquire about sharing their own ideas about ways they wish to see us improve – whether it is adding a specific new product, service or feature. We are grateful for our customers’ intent, and this motivates us to work even harder to keep improving.
Unfortunately, it is our corporate policy not to accept or consider any unsolicited creative ideas. This is a difficult decision because we realize that by following this policy, Chick-fil-A may miss out on some great ideas from our customers. We would rather miss out on some of these ideas than to risk any potential future misunderstanding should Chick-fil-A develop or already have developed a product, service, or feature that may seem similar to a customer’s idea.
We hope you will understand the reasons for our policy. You can view our Unsolicited Ideas Policy at www.chick-fil-a.com/Legal (under Submissions) for more information on this issue. Beyond this policy, we gladly welcome customers’ feedback about their restaurant experiences.
We appreciate your family’s loyalty, and we look forward to serving you all at Chick-fil-A for many years to come. Again, thank you for your time and interest in Chick-fil-A.
From: <me@my.email.address>
Date: Thu, Dec 27, 2012 at 4:56 PM
Subject: Re: Chick-fil-A Response
To: Chick-fil-A CARES <chickfilacares@na.ko.com>
Hello Cheala,
Any idea how I can get my idea solicited? I’m honestly not interested in monetary compensation, I just don’t want to spill my drinks. Has anyone run this by Mr. Cathy? He’s responded to my emails before, and I understand that he’s a shrewd business man as well as a great family man. I’m sure he wouldn’t want drinks spilling on anyone… and that he’d like to pick up a free idea.
Thanks once again for your time & help!
My pleasure,
-Eric
Wonder if I’ll get a reply? I just want a good cup holder.
I need a new keyring. I haven’t ever been able to find one that meets my needs. Perhaps my expectations are too high. Perhaps there is no such thing as the perfect keyring. Perhaps I need to spend more money on one. Why is it so difficult? Does anyone else have a keyring problem?
I guess I should explain myself.
I have a lot of keys. I like to keep them all in one place. I want a keyring where I can break-off my car keys & my wife’s car keys quickly & easily. I recently bought a keyring that has a bunch of little carabiner-looking S-clips on it. Let me show you:
Ridiculous Key Ring
Besides the fact that I have entirely too many keys, this keyring set up is juts not working out. I want something that makes the vehicle keys quickly & easily removable. I don’t want them to fall off on their own. Arrow A shows one of the broken little S-clips that snags my pocket constantly. These have also broken themselves free inside my pocket… or on the way out of my pocket. I’ve dropped my house key on more than one occasion with this setup. Then again, arrow B points to a traditional keyring provided by the dealer… which has also come loose in my pocket. I spent about 20 minutes looking for my keyless entry remote the other day after it loosened itself & ended up on the floor of my truck.
Apparently, when you pull keys out of your pocket, they help turn any loosened items into projectiles. It’s just a matter if time until this happens over a storm drain or sewer grate.
There is the old-fashioned normal keyring, but I always seem to be able to only find weak ones… or ones that make it nearly impossible to just give the guys at the oil change place your truck keys and not some crazy giant bundle of chaos that might scatter my keys all over the place.
I’ve also tried those quick-release keyrings, but they eventually fail too when the spring dies. Then there’s the “lucky line” kind, but it would throw some being easily removable out the window. I’m at a loss as to what exactly the next step should be.
Keyrings
What do you do? Do you have keyring problems? Am I alone on this key-dropping crap? Your advice would be welcomed.
I have an idea for you. I realize that as a giant corporation you probably don’t accept unsolicited ideas, but please don’t let that stop you from considering this idea. I don’t expect monetary payment, maybe just free Chick-fil-A for life? (Maybe a limit to once a week?) Well, I guess I should present my idea before we start talking payment or barter.
This past Saturday I went to the Chick-fil-A inSouth Hills to grab some of those ridiculously delicious Chick-n-Minis™ for breakfast. I went into the store to order take-out so I could grab some mayo packets, ketchup, straws, & napkins at the little condiment station. I got two drinks because I was taking breakfast home to share with the wife. I opted for your highly addictive sweet tea, and the wife had a Hi-C Fruit Punch. The always courteous employees offered me a drink carrier, and I accepted. I thought it would make life easier on the ride home. I saw wrong.
I set the drink carrier on the floor of the passenger’s side of my truck. As I backed out of the space, it fell over on to the long side. Your drink lids are thankfully quite tight, but sadly not entirely waterproof. I leaned over and placed the carrier & drinks upright again, this time turning the drink holder 90 degrees the other way thinking I had outsmarted the laws of physics and that it would stay put. I could not have been more mistaken. As I turned up a hill to go out the back of the parking lot, it fell again. I believe I uttered something using vocabulary that you may not approve. At the stop sign, I had to pick up the cups and give up by putting them in the truck’s drink holders.
As I drove home trying not to think about the drops of Hi-C & iced tea soaking into my floor mats, I wondered if there was a better way. I certainly like your drink carriers much better than the egg-crate 4 space things that just let cups lean over all willy-nilly. I came to think that your drink carriers just need feet. I thought the feet may take some extra cardboard, and wondered i something could be done with the existing design.
At home, my thoughts were fueled by poultry protein. I pulled out my pocket knife and started cutting as my wife looked at me like I was a crazy person (as she does quite often). I explained what I was doing and why and she actually also thought it was a good idea.
You already have some nice sturdy cardboard. Two well-placed quarter-circle cuts & maybe even a fold mark in the middle of the carrier would create some nice sturdy feet or “wings” or your drink carrier box without the need for a complete redesign or any additional material. I tested it by trying to rock the mostly empty drinks back & forth on the kitchen table. We had no spills. I am willing to try some field tests if you’d like to move forward with this idea. My truck’s floor mats can handle it. Perhaps I can even use water instead of red & brown sugary liquids.
I’m sure we could talk to your box people & find out if this is doable for a reasonable price. I think it will be as important & innovative as the new Heinz® Dip & Squeeze® packets! I have some photos attached that I’m sure you will agree are quite illustrative of my design ideas. Sadly, my pocket knife is a cheap dull one, so the cut looks more like a rip. I believe you’ll see my intent though.
I look forward to hearing your thoughts, and am excited at the opportunity that lays before us. It would be my pleasure to help make this dream a reality!
So, there we have it. I mean, most of my letters are plain goofy, and this has a goofy tone, but really… don’t you think this would work? Now, we wait for a response.
You know I hate public restrooms. This sign may be a wave of the future. Think it’s a good idea? Think it will work? Is it too easy to abuse?
Intimidating button…
I saw a full garbage can, & thought about pressing the button…but thought it may only be for emergencies not maintenance. I didn’t want to be the guy that whined about the garbage can being full. Then again, I’d rather empty a trash bag than pick it up off of the floor if I were an employee there.
Is a button the way to solve all of your bathroom problems? This reminded me of the pull-strings in hospital bathrooms. Ha ha. If you find one of these buttons, I dare you to push it & yell “I need someone to wipe!”
Wendy’s cares! Ha ha. Has anyone else ever run into this problem with impenetrable croutons? I’m not exactly sure what they’ll be able to do about it. Tougher forks? Softer croutons? Maybe I’ll get a free Frosty? Will they start handing out sporks? What about a metal Wendy’s fork that I can carry with me at all times? I guess the possibilities are endless.
On a weird side-note… Zemanta picked up my photo as a suggested image from Flickr. How crazy is that?
So if you’re looking for a Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan, Kwanzaa or Festivus gift… You may not want to go with these, unless you’re trying to give some kind of hint that you don’t like the recipient. I’ve heard them advertised on the radio lately, and they’re both just ridiculous.
Go nuts over Fresh Balls!
Fresh Balls– “So Fresh. So Dry.”| It is what it sounds like. Some kind of deodorant, lotion, or talc for application to your apparently sweaty coin purse. Maybe I’m not active or sweaty enough, but I’ve never considered this a real problem. They advertise buying it for someone as a gift. Who’s damp smelly package are you close to on a regular basis? I have some good friends, and I’ve thankfully never smelled their family jewels. If I ever do smell someone’s nether-regions, I’ll be sure to tell them about Fresh Balls.
Seats of Anarchy– “Custom toilet seats for hard asses.”| I love some good terrible wordplay, but the name is almost as atrocious as the idea. I’ve never watched Sons of Anarchy, but do they poop a lot? If they did, I could see the point to this then. If your man cave is your bathroom… maybe this would be appropriate? Someone better get their Copyright and/or Trademark lawyers on this pretty quickly. Nothing says badass like a camouflage toilet seat, or one with barbed wire. Guarantee that all your guests will hover! “Designer” toilet seats for manly men and bikers… It sounds like a crappy idea. Get it? Crappy? Toilet seat? Ugh.
So, what have you seen lately what would make a horrible holiday present? Anything as bad as (or worse than) these?
Didn’t I just email & tell you that? I think I did.
Perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself again. Did you read all about the Evil Popcorn Popper? It wants you to tempt death by electric shock each time you feel like making a tasty air-popped snack. Others chimed in on Facebook with their tales of appliance treachery. In the comments, I formulated an email. I sent it. Here it is:
Hello Presto®!
I recently bought one of your popcorn poppers because we had one when I was a kid and air-popped popcorn is always better than that microwave stuff. We can agree there, right?
I have a few questions about your design choices.
First… The butter tray. Why doesn’t any butter that I put in it melt? I’ve tried actual butter and “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!®” both to no avail. Did you guys test this out in the factory? Does anyone there own one of these poppers? They’ve never pointed out this problem? I can certainly melt it in the microwave, but it’s amusing to me that the popper has a butter tray that clearly doesn’t work (even long after all the popcorn has popped). Yes, I have sat there stubbornly for a while waiting for the butter to melt for many minutes after the last dead kernel spits out of the popper. When I was a kid, our popper had a metal tray. I think it did a better job of conducting heat & melting the butter. I think it even fit an entire artery-clogging stick (as long as my parents or the babysitter weren’t looking). Do you guys have any poppers for sale that actually pop popcorn AND melt butter? I’d like to see one.
Is that guy a chef and an electrician? Is he certified to plug in live wires? Do you guys not see the spark(s) when you plug the thing in? Have you ever actually plugged one in? Do you feel that it’s dangerous? I almost want to plug it in to a mulch-outlet power strip with an on/off switch and use that to turn it on so I don’t accidentally put my thumb in between the prongs as I’m plugging it in.
I’m sure you can get them even cheaper if you buy in bulk… and I’m sure they’re not all that difficult to install.
Can you imagine if other electrical products didn’t have an on/off switch? Toasters? Curling irons? Hair dryers? (They almost all come with circuit breakers now!) Electric knives? Electric hedge trimmers or weed whackers?
You really don’t feel that it’s dangerous? Not so much as a warning label adorns the power cord? Do you use gloves to plug yours in? Why was the plugging done off camera in the video?
I really look forward to your thoughts on these issues. I might go make some popcorn while I wait. I’ll be sure to melt the butter in the microwave first, and I hope I’m not electrocuted when I plug the popper in so I can read your reply!
Inquisitively,
-Waldo
This was the reply:
From: Presto Customer Service <contact@gopresto.com>
Date: Thu, Nov 29, 2012 at 3:01 PM
Subject: RE: Where’s the switch?
To: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Good morning,
I’m sorry to hear of your dissatisfaction with your hot air popper. We have not received complaints of butter not melting in the butter melter. Please note that the instructions do indicate that soft/room temperature butter or margarine needs to be used, refrigerated butter will not melt during the short popping period. I do not recommend that you let the unit run after the corn has popped, as this could cause the unit to overheat.
Our hot air poppers are not designed with an on/off switch. I talked with our Quality Manager and he indicated that there are no plans to change the design to include a switch. The unit has been tested very thoroughly and meets all UL mandates. If you read and follow the instruction manual, you can feel assured that this appliance is safe to use.
Have a good day.
Colleen
NPI Customer Service
Shipments made to U.S. or Canada only
Well, that was unsatisfactory. Letting it run empty to melt butter is bad, but plugging in a live appliance is OK? I call shenanigans. Shenanigans because we keep butter in the ‘fridge, and shenanigans because plugging something in that sparks feels kind of dangerous.
I do find the sentence “I talked with our Quality Manager and he indicated that there are no plans to change the design to include a switch” highly amusing. They had a discussion about my email. This has never come up before? Say it with me: Shenanigans. I’d like to know what the quality manager really said.
Who exactly are Underwriters Laboratories and why do they put their logo on everything? How did they decided that plugging in a live wire is safe? Maybe I should write to them and ask about it?
A while ago I bought a popcorn popper similar to one we had when I was a kid. It’s a rather simple appliance, and I have many fond memories of making a mess by trying to use a bowl that was too small and putting way too much butter on it. I still like popcorn, and the stuff from a popper is leaps & bounds more awesome than the microwavable kind (but not as cool as the little foil pan that puffs up when you hold it over an oven burner).
The one we had when I was a kid was a little fancier… it had a cup that you filled with a trap door where the butter cup here is… and a butter tray made of metal about the size of a stick of butter in front of that. The one pictured here is like the one currently at home, and it sure doesn’t melt butter… even if you leave it long after all the popcorn has popped. Did anyone test this at the factory before they boxed & shipped it? No one that works there has ever tried to use this thing?
One similar feature to the one I remember form my childhood is a distinct lack of a power switch. Don’t believe me? Check out the video from their site:
One of the first things you learn as a child after the word “no”, not sticking things up your nose, and not eating stuff you find on the floor is to not stick your fingers (or anything else) into an electrical outlet. Everything else comes with a warning label. directly on the electrical cord.. like your hair dryer, a toaster, or even a lamp. This thing just plugs right into the outlet with a crazy little spark and a jarring whir of sound.
Perhaps one has to be a chef to operate the thing? Maybe the guy in the video is just in a costume, I don’t know. Maybe he’s an electrician. Do they have professional popcorn chefs? Was he trained to properly plug a live cord into a receptacle? I like how they don’t show you that part.
I can’t think of anything else that’s on as soon as you plug it in. You can buy a rocker switch rather cheaply. Are they that hard to install? Are they that much more expensive? Should I write to Presto and ask them why they let his dangerous chaos continue? I just might.
What kind of popcorn popper do you have (if you have one)? I’ve never tried one that uses oil… or on of the ones that looks like a tiny cart. Do you have a tricky death-tempting popcorn popper at home, or any other appliance that dares you to dance with 110v?
World (and Lunar) Domination 