Impressive.


Thanks for reading, people!

Please, again, don’t be afraid to comment here. Dave does. He’s still alive. Kristin and Mike have. They’re OK too.

Interestingly, it shows me that someone has searched for my email address. Ha ha ha. Also some other cool info there. Neat.

.seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI

Fan Mail?


From: ERiC AiXeLsyD world.and.lunar.domination
Date: Mon, Nov 23, 2009 at 12:44 PM
Subject: Re: W(aL)D [Fan Mail?]
To: Tommy Horner tommyboy489

Dear Mr. Horner (a.k.a. The Moon),

I have it on good authority that you are indeed made of green cheese… and that you are most definitely not the moon. I will reserve any comments on your equatorial radius and lack of testicles. While I am indeed old, science progresses at a rate where age may be rendered irrelevant in the near future… thus ensuring more time for me to complete my total World (and Lunar) Domination.

If you keep up this behavior, you will most certainly not be allowed on the moon.

Although, I’m guessing from my blog stats that you have been one of the people exploring my old W(aL)D files. Too bad the beginnings were wiped out in one of the great PittsburghBeat.com crashes. For this studious devotion, your feeble attempts at threatening me will be forgiven. Perhaps one day, you can work up to a position of merit in the W(aL)D army.

Perhaps I need to ramp up the efforts to my World (and Lunar) Domination campaign? Maybe I will need to enlist some generals once again to help in the effort.

I also appreciate your taking the time to write to me, and encourage you to comment on the blogs that you find amusing. There’s no need to login. Just pop in our name, email address, and a URL if so inclined. Use Gravatar or a WordPress account if you want your photo to show up.

Your future Emperor of the Earth (and Moon),
-ERiC AiXeLsyD
W(aL)D

On Mon, Nov 23, 2009 at 10:59 AM, Tommy Horner tommyboy489 wrote:

The Moon
238,855 Miles away, and rising in the East
Earth, Milky Way Galaxy 27743

Dear Mr. AiXeLsyD,

I, For one, am highly offended by your eventual plans to dominate both myself, and the Earth. First of all, may I remind you that my Equatorial radius alone is 1,738.14 km. Roughly 0.273 Earths. Dominating me is out of the question, for I am bigger than you and wars on the Moon are settled by spirited rounds of Roshambo, South Park style (The Moon receives comcast cable). I have no balls, therefore defeating me is virtually impossible. I also often refer to myself in the third person, which makes the Moon awesome by default. In Conclusion, give up your silly dreams. You are too old for a human, and in your attempt I shall crush you!

Sincerely,

The Moon (Ya Dig?!?)

Wendy’s in Dormont (Pittsburgh, PA) – W. LIBERTY #5


Heh. This is an older amusing one that wasn’t covered in my post about past W(aL)D insanity.

This one isn’t really completely in the W(aL)D category, as it’s a legitimate complaint… but still, it’s ridiculous enough to share. Below is the my initial email regarding the incident, and I actually broke my “no calls” rule to talk to a regional manager who was not amused.

You can see what she had to say as it all played out in a thread at PittsburghBeat.com.

At any rate, it pays to make problems like this known.

Enjoy!

-mE.
.seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI

Forwarded Message —-
From: Eric Carroll <me@myaddre.ss>
To: dnstech@wendys.com; dnsadmin@wendys.com
Sent: Mon, January 26, 2009 11:45:04 AM
Subject: Wendy’s in Dormont (Pittsburgh, PA) – W. LIBERTY #5

Hello,

I’d like to share with you a review of my experience at a local Wendy’s (W. LIBERTY #5 according to the Wendy’s store locator), also posted on UrbanSpoon.com. I don’t have very many “bad” reviews up, but this Wendy’s location has gone slow and messed up my order countless times.

I’d like to know how Wendy’s as a corporation feels about restaurants like this, and what (if any) measures are taken by corporate to see that this kind of thing doesn’t go on.

The full text of my review can be viewed here: http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/23/1346715/restaurant/Far-South-South-Hills/Wendys-Old-Fashioned-Hamburgers-Dormont-Pittsburgh

But I will also post it here for your consideration:

4084prime

“Dave Thomas would be ashamed…” by ERiC AiXeLsyD (63 reviews)

January 26, 2009 – Doesn’t like it – Seriously. I know I”ve said these words before about McDonald’s… I get that it’s only fast food, it’s cheap, and that I shouldn’t expect much… but holy cow, is this consistently one of the slowest “fast food” restaurants that I’ve ever been to. Of course, like an idiot, I keep going back hoping that it might someday be an actual convenience. Let me share with you my latest adventure…

Sunday morning, my wife & I were on our way out to my Mom’s house in the ‘Burbs… so we thought we’d get a quick bite to eat. It was nearing the 11:00am mark, so I knew we were going to hit the breakfast/lunch changeover. We skipped the McDormontonald’s because the drive-thru line looked like rush hour in the Liberty tubes. Thankfully, Wendy’s appeared to be a ghost town. There was hardly anyone inside, and there was one car ahead of us in the drive-thru but they were all the way up at the window.

As we pulled up to the speaker to place our order, I asked if they were serving breakfast or lunch, & was informed that they were serving both. So, I ordered the breakfast chicken sandwich combo, and the wife ordered the #2 bacon panini combo.

After receiving the order in what would be considered a long wait in a normal fast food environment but translated to remarkably quick at this location, I pulled into a nearby spot to inspect the goods. (Sadly, a must any more.)We discovered that my order was fine, but the wife had received a sausage panini instead of the ordered bacon panini. I checked the receipt to see if I had mis-ordered the # of the combo. Nope. The receipt clearly stated BACON in that nifty dot-matrix receipt font.

My wife’s not a big fan of sausage patties, and she was reluctantly leaning toward just eating it because time was of the essence. I know I like to eat what I ordered & paid for, so I went inside to get what I thought would be a simple swap-out.

Oh my, was I wrong.

My first encounter was with the young girl at the cash register. I politely stated that we had just gone through the drive-thru and that I wanted to exchange the sausage panini that we had received for the bacon one that we ordered.

I was told that breakfast was over & that hey couldn’t make a bacon one. After a slight pause of disbelief and bewilderment, I told her that I had just been handed the sandwich less that a minute ago through the drive-thru window… and it had been made just seconds before that.

She then yelled for her manager, and I stepped aside so she could help the next customer.

Now, while never working at a fast food establishment, I do understand that changeover time is changeover time… something to do with eggs on the cooking surface and kitchen setup and all sorts of things that are surely beyond my comprehension as the average fast food consumer.

After a wait the manager (coincidentally the very same person who handed me the order through the drive-thru window) came over and I again explained my situation… and he looked at me. Yes. Just stared blankly at me. For an awkwardly long time. I actually started to wonder if he understood English & was capable of hearing. Compelled to break the silence, I even showed him the receipt that clearly said BACON. All caps. No confusion!

Again, I was met with “we’re serving lunch now, we can’t make that”. OK. I understand. I get that. The point now is what can you do for me?

I asked if I could get something else as compensation, and/or get my money back. (I think I was growing visibly frustrated by this point.)

I called the wife, explained to her the complexity of the situation, and she decided upon a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger. So, I asked for one of those… and waited… and waited… While a guy who had gone in line in front of me had ordered during my exchange with the manager was waiting too.

After a while he exclaimed with multiple expletives that it was a ridiculously long wait, and how it was un-f’n-believable that a fast food restaurant with 3 people in it and a packed kitchen could go so slow.

I could hardly contain my laughter as I was also driven to the limits of my patience.

After what was surely sufficient time to cook & assemble 20 Jr. Bacon cheeseburgers, I received that, AND my money back for the sausage panini (which was now in the trash right behind the counter). So, I guess I got a free cheeseburger, hash browns & a drink.

I never did get any kind of apology, or admittance that they had messed up the order. (Which bewilders me that one can read bacon off of a screen and put down sausage… but I’m certainly not above making mistakes… so I can’t fault anyone for that.)

I just find it amazing that they weren’t apologizing from the start and presenting a solution instead of waiting for me to come up with one.

You’d think they’d have a “keep the customer happy” policy in place. Don’t they teach you any of this when you go to school to be a manager at Wendy’s?Take mom n’ pop shops… if they screw up an order or take too long, they’d give you a discount or a free drink or a coupon for next time… and they’re certainly taking more of a profit hit than a chain that would do the same thing.

At any rate, don’t go to Wendy’s in Dormont if you’re in a hurry, or if you actually want what you ordered.

I like Wendy’s. I grew up eating at the one in Murrysville, I frequent the one in Canonsburg for lunch. You have decent food for a cheap price, and I generally feel that the quality is better than that of other fast food chains.

I’d love to be able to eat peacefully and grab a quick bite to eat at the Wendy’s closest to where I live.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on my experience, and I look forward to your reply.

Thank you for your time, and listening to my story.

-Eric Carroll

me@myaddre.ss

Insanity.

Wendy's Old Fashioned Hamburgers (Dormont) on Urbanspoon

Feedback?


So,the was a spike in readers on the 12th, and it’s been going down but still way up from before in every sense.

So, how does one find new readers for a blog like this?  Any ideas or suggestions?

If you’re reading this, and an pass the links on…  I’d really appreciate it.

I need to write back to Mr. Jones.  Perhaps franchise journalism would be a fun venture…  no idea how I could turn that into cash flow though.

Oddly enough, drjohnhayes started following me on Twitter today.  His Bio reads…

Bio Everything franchising. Published author/speaker. How to buy, start, expand a franchise. I facilitate franchise masterminds. Join me!

Weird coincidence?  Maybe.  I dunno though.  Too weird.  His URL links to this site:  Franchise Mastermind

I tweeted @ him to ask advice.  Why not, right?  Although it could have been some sort of SpamBot add or something.

On another subject entirely…  What do you think about me revisiting my Ketchup packets letters?  While I go about it in a goofy way, I really do find this to be a real (albeit minor) problem.  Don’t you?

I keep thinking about FastFoodFail.com.  I need to get it going too.  Have any thoughts on what you’d like to see there?  I had originally thought of it as a photo-driven site… but I think stories could work there too.

 

“You never told me you spoke my language, Doctor Jones.”


So, Mr. Jones writes back!  Apparently, he’s a fan.  Ha ha ha.

Writes back to what, you ask?  Well, a response to an email about the Toasty Torpedo ads… which stemmed from earlier emails about Subway’s lack of customer respect.

from Jones, Tony <tjones2@quiznos.com>
to ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
date Tue, Nov 17, 2009 at 9:53 PM
subject RE: The Quiznos Toasty TorpedoT ads?

 

Eric,

I enjoy your observations and yes, the Torpedo ads vs. the reality can seem diverse. Of course, with the type of bread that is used in this offering, heavier than most, I have found to be very filling and I speak from experience… I love the tuna torpedo, if properly made, and have a difficult time trying to eat more than one in one sitting. I have tried to order two and ended up about 1 ½ till being way-too-full; The heaviness of the bread, even though it looks like a breadstick, serves to be quite filling; Also, yes, the various forms of our past ads have been quite innovative and sometimes just plain ‘rebellious’. Our image has historically kind of gone down that road… with ‘baby bob’, etc. In fact, we have even had past campaigns of ‘being pioneers’…which is somewhat accurate…. First to toast, first with select breads, and first with gourmet sauces…etc… the Subways, and others competitors of the world, have graciously copied some of these endeavors. Etc…

On a side note though…. You are gifted and creative with the pen… with an edgy insight into ‘areas in need of improvement’ for various businesses; Have you ever thought of getting into an independent consulting capacity… or maybe franchise news journaling? Your giftedness at using humor along with wit, and poking fun at the various misuses, and abuses by brands could end up with a great following; Franchising and branding is such a HUGE industry, I’m sure there would be an equally HUGE following for this kind of venue. Just a thought man,

Have a great week,

Tony

Ah ha! Flattery will get you everywhere, I guess. Consulting? Me? So, people will pay me to do this stuff?  I wonder that the hell franchise news journaling is?  I may have to get to Googling that, or at least asking Mr. Jones where to start.  I still don’t think I can call him “Indiana”, though.

At any rate, I look forward to any comments.  I know you’re out there reading, and I’m getting feedback via Facebook & Twitter… but you can comment here too.  It’s all good, and it helps out my WordPress stats.  Ha ha ha.  You can even get your avatar to show up here if you use Gravatar or (I think) OpenID, or if you’re already logged into your own WordPress account.

 

“Pre-W(aL)D” World (and Lunar) Domination


This is a re-post from my old MySpace blog.  I used to have a ton of this W(aL)D crap.  Apparently a few of you find it as amusing as I do.  There are some that have been lost to the ages, but there are some good ones left here…

So, I remembered that my e-mails to & from world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com used to actually be about World (and Lunar) Domination.  Sadly, a lot of the original stuff is lost due to a PittsburghBeat.com crash.  Maybe Rippa can get me a backup from somewhere if one still exists, and I can sort through all the shit to find the meat of the posts.

There’s some more too, for sure…

And, the food posts always seem to be interesting to some:

Record reviews:

Thanks to the readers!


So, in looking at my WordPress blog stats, I’ve seen a spike in readers lately. Thanks!

I hope you found something interesting, and I hope you keep checking back.

-Eric

.seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI

Want Beer @ Sheetz?


I know, the following is just a form letter in the modern age… but it’s good to get acknowledged. Plus, we already know that Senator Wayne Fontata reads his mail (thanks to the idiots at Clean Water Action)!

While at the Sheetz website, I discovered a sweet little link at the bottom that enables you to fire off an email to your local politicians to let them know that you’re in support of Sheetz being allowed to sell beer in its stores. Juts click the Take Action button and it writes the letter for you, and sends it to your State Senator & State Representative. How awesome is that?

It’s 2009 and PA’s beer & liquor laws are beyond antiquated, end of story.

Forwarded Message —-
From: PA Senator Wayne Fontana Fontana
To: me@myemailaddre.ss
Sent: Fri, November 13, 2009 4:37:37 PM
Subject: Re: Freedom to Purchase Beer in Convenience Stores

Mr. Carroll ~

Thank you for contacting me recently regarding your interest in seeing beer available at more locations.

As you are probably aware, there has been great deal of discussion on this issue – both in the positive and negative. I agree with you that our laws are antiquated, but believe that we are slowly seeing change – both in new law and in legislation that is being considered. This remains one of those issues that we will need to continue to work on to address the concerns that have been raised. I have noted your support for this effort, and will certainly share it with my colleagues and take it into consideration should we have the opportunity to vote on related legislation.

Again, thank you for your communication. I look forward to further communication with you on this and other issues that are of interest and importance to you.

Senator Wayne D. Fontana
42nd Senatorial District
www.senatorfontana.com

>>> <me@myemailaddre.ss> 11/12/2009 8:31 AM >>>
Eric Carroll
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Pittsburgh, PA XXXXX-XXXX

November 12, 2009

The Honorable Wayne Fontana
Pennsylvania Senate
Senate Box 203042
Harrisburg, PA 17120-3042

Dear Senator Fontana:

As a Pennsylvania voter, I want to add my name to the growing list of
those who are asking you to consider making a change to Pennsylvania’s
beer laws.

It is hard to ignore how backward our beer laws are in light of the recent
ruling by the Pennsylvania Supreme Court against Sheetz – taking its
license, because it did not allow for on-premise consumption.

At their worst, these laws encourage drinking and driving. At the very
least, the current laws are incredibly outdated.

Let me be clear. I want to be able to purchase alcoholic beverages in
convenience and grocery stores. Please support the call for common sense
beer laws and bring the convenient purchase of beer to the Pennsylvania
consumer.

Sincerely,

Eric Carroll

This message and any attachment may contain privileged or confidential information intended solely for the use of the person to whom it is addressed. If the reader is not the intended recipient then be advised that forwarding, communicating, disseminating, copying or using this message or its attachments is strictly prohibited. If you receive this message in error, please notify the sender immediately and delete the information without saving any copies.

So, we have a response from Subway!


And the plot thickens…

On Nov 13, 2009, at 4:31 PM, “ERiC AiXeLsyD” <world.and.lunar.domination> wrote:

Hello Mr. Bridenbaker,

I had recently submitted some concerns via webform to your team at Subway, and it’s been over two weeks since I’ve has a response to my last message that asked for details regarding my experiences with Subway.

Since I hadn’t heard from you (or anyone at Subway) this past week, I decided to re-send my original message, and to ask if it’s been passed on to the appropriate parties?

Please find my original message at the bottom, the initial response from Subway, and my unanswered reply below.

I hope this can be directed to the correct person (or persons) for comment. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

 

Sincerely,
-Eric

…and attached my previous message.  Heh.

So, I (finally) got a response…

Forwarded message
From: Bridenbaker, Mack <m.bridenbaker@sfaft.org>
Date: Fri, Nov 13, 2009 at 6:27 PM
Subject: Re: Subway [Customer ID: 1918316]
To: ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Cc: Paula Gomez <gomez_p@subway.com>, Kevin Kane <kane_k@subway.com>

Eric,
Paula Gomez from Subway Customer Care will be able to help you with your concerns.

Thanks.

Sent from my iPhone

Mack Bridenbaker

Mr. Bridenbaker is the Subway Spokesperson mentioned in the recent artticle about the $5 footlong.  Google FTW.

I guess there’s more to come!

I also submitted the comments from my new friends at Quiznos to Ms. Seely for her review, to see if that will solicit a response.

Quiznos writes back before Subway!


So, for this to make any sense, you may have to read my past two blog posts, or at least just the last one(I think that recaps everything, or at least links to the beginning.) It started when I began an email exchange with Subway that I thought was going somewhere… but, it’s been over a week since they’ve written back to me.

My short attention span got to wondering on Facebook the other day, and a friend suggested that I call Quiznos.  Well, I’m not one for phone calls, but why not write to them, right?  I decided to forward my comments to Sheetz, Quiznos, and Jersey Mike’s since I mentioned them all.  So far, I’ve gotten two responses from Quiznos, and nothing from anyone else.  Score one for them, even if the torpedoes are just bread sticks trying to be sandwiches.

I’ll even post ’em in “how you should read it” order so you don’t have to go from the bottom up like last time.

I started with…

From: ERiC AiXeLsyD [mailto:world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, November 10, 2009 11:52 AM
To: CreativeRequests@quiznos.com
Subject: Fwd: Subway [Customer ID: 1918316]

Hello friends at Quiznos!

I hope this message finds you well.  I recently wrote to someone who is a competitor of yours and mentioned your name.

You my friends, are true contenders in the sub business, and I thought you deserved to know how some of the other sub places in the area are faring against you… specifically Subway.

Never forget that you, my friends, were the first to toast the sub!

Please review my original message to Subway (at the bottom of the chain) at your convenience.

As you can see, my latest message to them as gone unanswered.  Perhaps they’re too ashamed to reply.

Warmest Regards,
-ERiC AiXeLsyD

And, I got this…

From: HelpDesk <HelpDesk@quiznos.com>
Date: Wed, Nov 11, 2009 at 3:23 PM
Subject: RE: Subway [Customer ID: 1918316]
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

Mr. Aixelsyd,

Thank you for taking the time to share this with us.  I found it to be a great read and with your permission I would like to share it with our marketing folks.

Thank you,
Gregory Boudreaux

Help Desk Lead

QUIZNOS®
Subs • Soups • Salads

I wrote back, but I’ll hold that until I get a response.  (If I get one.)

As you know, I hate webforms, so I submitted through the Quiznos webform asking for the email address of a real live person.  Well, it worked:

From: “Jones, Tony” <TJones2@Quiznos.com>
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
Sent: Wed, November 11, 2009 8:16:52 AM
Subject: Quiznos Brand

Greetings Eric,
I am Tony Jones, the Vice President for Quiznos representing the Ohio/Indiana/Pennsylvania/Illinois region; Your Customer Comment was forwarded to my office, and I wanted to get back with you.
My Contact Info:
Tony Jones
Quiznos Corp
6429 Crofton Court
Burlington, KY 41005
cell: 859-806-1730
e-mail: tjones@quiznos.com

So, of course, I wrote back…

From: ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Nov 11, 2009 at 12:43 PM
Subject: Fwd: Subway [Customer ID: 1918316]
To: TJones2@quiznos.com

Hello Mr. Jones,

May I call you Indiana?  My original message is below.  I look forward to hearing your thoughts!


-Eric

Well, he ignored the goofy part…

From: Jones, Tony <TJones2@quiznos.com>
Date: Wed, Nov 11, 2009 at 1:03 PM
Subject: RE: Subway [Customer ID: 1918316]
To: ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>

Hi Eric,

Very interesting how other folks in the Sandwich segment of the restaurant business respond to customer input.  As you probably already know, our niche in this business field is usually a more ‘personal’ one.  That factor alone, is one of the distinguishing marks of the SUB businesses vs. other QSR’s burger, pizza, Mexican … Our customer base is one that is accustomed to being serviced with a much more personal touch.  The interaction is more detailed as sandwiches are personalized, and often, we get to know our repeat customers by first name, and even their favorite sandwich as they will come in the door to order…  With e-mail, and technology today, for multiple areas of customer feed-back, it really is a mistake for any business to not utilize all of these methods to get to know their clientele and service their needs.  Obviously, you’re discovering some poor choices that other competitors have made with respect to customer accountability issues.   In a world, that continues to become more and more demanding of peoples time, we should never lose sight of the importance of ‘good communication’.  I think it’s very interesting on what your finding out about how effective communication is being ‘lost’ from the customer/service provider relationship;  I find it extremely poor taste to use a ‘generic’ letter to address these areas of concern.  Before I hurl the ‘judgmental javelin’ at Subway or other competitors, I do know that much of this customer response decision making is left up to area developers, DA’s, and local manager’s choice.  Before Quiznos, I was a VP for the Kentucky region of Subway, and I always tried to personally respond to customer feedback.  So, some of this is probably a time-management issue for a local representative of the larger entity.

With respect to my territory (Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Kentucky), I wouldn’t ever want to lose touch with my customer base.  They are a crucial ‘gage’ to what we do at Quiznos;

Thanks for sharing this,

Tony

I’m still amazed that I can push a little, and still get articulate and thoughtful answers to these kinds of emails.  I decided to write one final good note…

From: ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Nov 11, 2009 at 4:43 PM
Subject: Re: Subway [Customer ID: 1918316]
To: “Jones, Tony” <TJones2@quiznos.com>

Thank you for the quick reply, Mr. Jones!

I appreciate that you take a more personal approach from the ground up!  Technology can make things more personal if a company allows.  Thank you for the opportunity to provide some feedback.

I can assure you that Quiznos restaurants are far superior to their direct competitors in the area surrounding Pittsburgh, PA.  I have noticed that they have been scaled back in the recent years, but they’re still available where needed.

Keep up the good work!
-Eric

P.S. – The “We like the subs!” thing was a million times more awesome than the Jared or $5 Footlong campaigns.

I found it amusing that Yahoo! news linked to this article today calling it “Subway’s $5 recession buster“:  The Accidental Hero

Perhaps Yahoo! and Subway are in a world domination plot of their own?

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