Well, I 𝘸𝘢𝘴 done with Levin. Then they emailed a customer satisfaction survey. 🤣


Well, I was done with Levin. Then they emailed a customer satisfaction survey. That triggered me again. Here’s what I sent back. Then I dug up as many corporate names as I could, and their email syntax. I know some landed, because about three minutes after I hit send they were calling my wife.

Here’s what I said:

💻

Hello Friends,

I recently had what we’ll call a horrendous experience with Levin Furniture.  I had vented about it online, and moved on.  Until my wife forwarded me the customer satisfaction survey.  That took some immense lack of self-awareness on your part, so I am hoping with this missive to make you a bit more aware.  The following is what I typed up & sent along with the 3 1-star answers to the survey.  I thought I would look up some email addresses and get it in front of as many eyes as I could.  I will also copy the salesman that my wife dealt with who never replied to her email inquiring about delivery.

Already sent was the following:  

On Saturday September 9th, my wife & son went to Levin and a few other furniture stores to purchase a powered recliner for me, to help with post colo-rectal surgery recovery.

Looking online at our options and various price ranges, I knew I wanted a chair that had a cup holder, phone charger, and storage pockets… as I was not sure how mobile I would be post-op, and was quite frankly uncomfortable going into surgery.

I would have gone to view them myself, but that happened to be in-between my second and third ER trips & hospital admissions in 4 weeks stemming from a burst pocket of diverticulitis and a nasty ensuing abscess and infection.  I was in poor health, and in no mood to deal with furniture sales tactics.  I can even provide photos of the CT scans and the drain sticking out of my right but cheek if you like to be grossed out.

My wife ordered an Ashley Model Next-Gen DuraPella Power Recliner SKU # 2200413, mainly because Levin promised to deliver before La-Z-Boy & Value City could on very similarly optioned & priced items.  Remember that “before” qualifier as you digest (pun intended) the following paragraphs.

In hindsight, it was a largely false promise on the part of Levin, one that if I were a pessimist would assume is a regular practice on the part of your sales team.

The chair was promised to be delivered by Sept. 19th.  That Tuesday came & my wife logged in to the website to see the delivery was now scheduled for Thursday Sept. 21st, and we had no communication on that change from Levin.

On Thursday, my wife called the delivery number, then the store to ask about the chair’s whereabouts.  She talked to an Anna who said the original salesperson, Jared Chambers, was “new” and “didn’t know he had to schedule the delivery.”

My wife also emailed jchambers@levinfurniture.com on Sept. 21st to inquire about the delivery, but as of yet has not received a reply.  We can forward that unanswered email if needed.

Despite this excuse smelling of total and absolute bovine feces, Anna told my wife that they could “squeeze us in” that Saturday the 23rd for delivery.  Were we the first order where this was discovered?  If not, why wasn’t it rectified sooner?  Does Levin train all new employees this poorly?  You don’t really have to answer that last one.  It was rhetorical.

Saturday the 23rd came and two nice men delivered a recliner to us.  Once they brought it in & put it together, I noticed that it does not have the cup holder, phone charger, or storage pockets.  It happened to be an Ashley Model 5930213 Power Recliner @ $1349.99, completely not what we ordered.  It was not the same model, SKU #, or price.

The guys sent photos to their boss, their boss contacted Levins, & Anna called my wife.

We tipped the guys $20 and they took the nice new recliner away.

In that conversation with my wife, Anna then blamed an incorrect tag or sku # being on the display model in the showroom.  She also used the phrasing that it was “no one’s fault.”  This incensed me, as it obviously was the fault of Levin employees on multiple levels.  Who tagged the chair with the wrong tag?  Who double-checks their work?  The salesman did not confirm that what he was ordering matched the floor model?  This is not “no one’s fault,” this is a tragic comedy of careless errors.

My wife asked Anna at that time if we could purchase the floor model, as time was of the essence.  Anna said she would call back.

We went to Big Lots! in Washington PA that evening to look at couches.  Yes, we need a couch, and Levin is off the table for what I believe to be quite obvious reasons.

Anna had still not called my wife as of around 6:00 PM, so my wife called her.  Anna said we could have the floor model if we came and got it.  Now, I am in poor health with restrictions on lifting, my kids are young, we have a vehicle classed as a station wagon, and my wife is a strong woman, but I would not ask her to move a recliner herself.

You would think the salesman and or store manager eager to make good on a sale, would have delivered the damn thing in a pickup or something.

Customer service is dead.

No concessions on price were offered from Anna.  My wife asked for some form of compensation for our aggravation, and at first the only offer was to refund the original delivery fee… for the WRONG CHAIR.  Crazy us to assume it would be a given to not pay for that.  I believe we got half off of the 2nd delivery, and were refunded the difference between the original incorrect, more expensive chair, and the correct less expensive one.

If your profit margins are so small that you cannot automatically offer a few hundred dollars off on this purchase or even on a future purchase, you perhaps need to rethink your entire business model.

The correct recliner was finally delivered on Tuesday Oct. 3rd.  This was a full two weeks after it was promised, after the dates when we could have received a recliner from your esteemed competitors, and 3 days after I was released from the hospital.after surgery.

Did I mention that we set our old chair out for the trash the Thursday night prior to the initial incorrect Saturday delivery?  

I would like to ask you to imagine having a foot-long section of your colon and rectum removed, your remaining section of colon & rectum stapled together, a wound vac hanging on your side connected to a tube from an incision above your belly button, and a bulbous drain hanging out of your side right at your waistline.

That makes sitting anywhere uncomfortable.  Imagine, if you would, a nice stressless recliner to ease the situation…  because I can’t.

Some other person did leave a voicemail for my wife after I left a frustration-venting rant & a comment or two on Facebook, but that was the night of my colon-cleanse.  If you’ll forgive the mental image, we already had enough crap to put up with.

Honestly though, for that attention-grabbing shenanigans to be the ONLY thing that triggered some sort of response, you were well past the too little/too late threshold.

Your people skills are abhorrent at the sales and service levels, and your corporate level customer service is merely reactionary to online “bad press” only to save face, not serve actual customer satisfaction & retention.

I actually applaud your testicular fortitude in reaching out with a customer satisfaction survey.  It either takes massive ignorance or massive swagger. And you already know where I believe you fall on the scale.

I was pretty much done with it all through, after leaving my review on Google Maps and my blog, until that came through.  Bravo.

I now intend to send this to every level of your corporation that has eyes.  May the best of them find work elsewhere, and may the worst of them stay to drive you further into the ground than the last time you were there.

Thank you for your time, and may whatever deity you ascribe to have mercy on your soul,

-Eric

aixelsyd13.wordpress.com

💻

I neglected to note we tipped the 2nd set of delivery guys $20 too. But, if they don’t even pretend to care about the customers, they certainly don’t care about the employees, right? While we’re on the subject… was that appropriate, or cheap? I try to check in on these things occasionally.

After Kelly Maytas at Levin left my wife a Voicemail, I got this email…

💻

Eric,

    Thank you for reaching out to us and letting us know about your experience. We aim to deliver a great experience and are disheartened when we don’t. We will use your feedback to make us better.

     I apologize for the inconvenience and the stress this has caused you. I personally would like to speak to you about your experience and respectfully apologize and take ownership of our failure to deliver a great experience. I know you need to rest, but at your convenience can you please give me a call at 330-###-####. 

Best Regards,

 Kelly Matyas 

  Customer  Experience Manage

💻

I took the time to send this back…

💻

Thank You Ms. Maytas, 

Not sure if you got just the survey response, or the email that I tried to send to a handful of people after researching names and email syntax online.  

I am really not sure what you can do at this point for us.  

I suggest you get your Robinson store in order… from tagging furniture properly, to sales reps understanding the product, your procedures, or setting up deliveries in a timely manner, and customer service reps that understand what apologizing really is.  Only then can you maybe knock it out of the park for future customers.  

We are in desperate need of a new couch, but not that desperate.  I feel like your team has not only burned but nuked the proverbial bridge, and I concede that I worked on that from my side of things also.  I  am not a fan of phone calls, I prefer the written word.  I also prefer retailers that automatically offer discounts on current or future sales without having to be asked.  Again, we’re past that.

Unless you’d like to suggest a competitor that will actually deliver a quality product on time?

Good luck to you in righting the ship at Levins, as your tenacity in reaching out speaks to the fact that you will stay the course!  I wish that we could have dealt with you on the store level instead of when it reached a wild level of ridiculousness (again, the online shenanigans are all on me – but it shouldn’t have taken that to garner attention).

I appreciate your time in reaching out!  I like you, unlike your seemingly dimwitted and soul-crushed coworkers.  Perhaps they need a pizza party or two for morale?

Please enjoy some of the free mazes at my blog, or buy my book!

Your Friend,

-Eric

💻

What do you think will happen next? Are we done here? Oh yeah, this is the now infamous chair…

Thanks, Ashley.

████ Levin, and the horse they rode in on. 🐎


It’s not the mistake. It’s the complete lack of any offer to reconcile the situation quickly or monetarily.

Check out: https://maps.app.goo.gl/2tp73Tku4VnWCtHF6

11 hours ago

NEW

If I could give 0 stars, I would. If Levin’s had the last bucket of water on Earth, I was on fire, and it only cost 5¢, I would still not buy it. My wife ordered a reclinig chair about a moth before I had surgery, the delivery was pushed back twice, they blamed it on the salesman & made no apologies. The wrong chair was delivered. It was sorted out with absolutely no apologies or offered concessions. The correct chair arrived 3 days AFTER it was needed. There was no attempt to make any amends or apologies without my wife asking for them. The Levin employee even had the testicular fortutude to say the “error was no one’s fault” as the chair was tagged wrong. Yes, this is obviously Levin’s fault. On multiple levels, from inventory, to display, to double-checking, and scheduling orders. Any attempts to resolve the issue were made once I was busy & in the hospital getting major abdominal surgery. It was an absolute tragic comedy of errors. What a joke. In summation: [Fornicate] Levin’s, and the horse they rode on!

From Google Maps

🐎🐎🐎

Also on Nextdoor & Twitter 𝕏.

Guts! – The Maze


So, recently, I have had some bouts of shenanigans in & out of the hospital with infections and complications stemming from Diverticulitis.

So, I drew up a maze inspired by recent events for the surgeon, scanned & colored it, got it printed at 12″x18″, signed it, and got a frame for it. I’ll give him some dry-erase markers, too.

One week out, I feel like I’m in good hands. He had a lot of neat funny stuff in his office. And apparently, Wednesdays are cool because he gets to use a robot to assist.

I thought about getting him some RedBubble merch from my store, but this seemed quicker. (The acrylic block and notebook looked neat.)

This may make book #2 as a bonus maze.

Think he’ll like it?

Get yourself one on a coffee mug so you can see your immediate future!

Thanks for taking the time to read! Check out my first maze book on Amazon, or get yourself some of my maze merch from TeePublic or RedBubble. I’m trying to see how far I can take this thing… and I gots to pay me some medical bills! I get about a dollar per book or shirt since this is all print-on-demand.

https://www.tiktok.com/@aixelsyd13/video/7281038627876949290

“18 people found this helpful”


I like to make goofy Amazon reviews sometimes. You may have read my blog or review about that damned basketball hoop. (40 people found that helpful!) While I have been waiting for my own review of <shameless plug>my book</shameless plug> to get approved, I found some of my old reviews and I see this one was deemed helpful by 18 people.

You’re welcome, my people! You’re welcome.

From: https://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-reviews/R3305OLTBD6ADE?ref=pf_ov_at_pdctrvw_srp

AiXeLsyD13

5.0 out of 5 stars I’d like to say I bought these because I dress in all black to be cool like Johnny Cash.

Reviewed in the United States on April 19, 2023

Size: Medium
Color: Black (5-pack)
Verified Purchase

I’d like to say I bought these because I dress in all black to be cool like Johnny Cash. My kids say I’m “emo” because I wear black all the time. They are unwilling to accept my explanation of the subtle nuances between emo, goth, punk, and metal heads… who each have their own unique affinity for the macabre.

My dad always said “Never trust a fart after forty” and truer words were never spoken. I work in remote areas and bathrooms aren’t always readily available. Sometimes I am 60 miles and one shart away from disgrace.

These black skivvies help conceal any skid marks. My wife doesn’t need any extra aggravation when doing the laundry.

The boxer-breif fit is nice too. It keeps the frank n’ beans snug. Also with age, Jimmy & the twins seem to bounce all over the place. This is a comforting fit without being restrictive.

Amazon encourages reviewers to post photos.

Trust me, nobody wants to see that.

18 people found this helpful

 

Product Details

Gildan Men’s Underwear Covered Waistband Boxer Briefs, Multipack, Black (5-Pack), Medium
byGildan
4.5 out of 5 star
54,545 global ratings

From: Me @ https://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-reviews/R3305OLTBD6ADE?ref=pf_ov_at_pdctrvw_srp

Sheetz posted a maze, I gave them a real one.


Just a little shenanigans. Do you like theirs or mine?

Marvelous Maze Madness


Yeah, I have had some down-time lately, so I finally hit the maze thing full force. You may have read about it here or here.

I got my books today! Getting reports from others that they have theirs too, thanks for posting & tagging me! Feel free to share the link anywhere & everywhere! Ha ha.

Two copies of my maze book, "So I Finally Made A Maze Book."

Here’s my totally self-indulgent “unboxing” video on YouTube:

Ethan Muter posted & tagged me in the first “I received your book” post!

Check it out:

As of now, I have sold 25 copies, and it’s staying solid there. It’s not a huge number, but hey… it’s more than I have ever sold before! We did get a private photo of our friends’ daughter solving one of the mazes in the book, too. How cool is that? Early reports are that it is challenging and fun for a 10yo.

I need help getting the word out, as I have a $0 advertising budget.

If you can, leave a review on Amazon, or even at GoodReads! It would be awesome if you add it to your “to read” or wish list, or even marked as “read” at GoodReads, or follow me as an author there.

Both the TeePublic and RedBubble stores are active, and Randall Gilbert bought the first TeePublic T-shirt with the banana maze! You can get all kinds of cool clothing and merch at both stores, including mugs, stickers, and RedBubble even has acrylic blocks, pet bandanas and shower curtains!

Any ideas to help spread the word?

The consistently most visited post at my blog is In a maze mood, I guess. from January 2012. I have no idea what drives everyone there. Maybe Pinterest? I am tempted to update that page with a link to the book!

I’m also very interested in the Kindle books… Is it useless on a Kindle? Can you mark it up on anything?

So, I Finally Made a Maze Book!


I had some time recently, and I wanted to see what the process was to publish a print-on-demand book from Amazon. I grabbed a bunch of my smaller easy mazes with no discernable theme that I had previously posted here & on Instagram, and assembled them into a book. All of them were scanned in & maybe fixed a bit with paint.NET, and I put the pages of the book together with OpenOffice, so my only cost came down to the pens & paper. (Not sure how to quantify time & sanity.)

At any rate, I present to you – So I Finally Made a Maze Book: Easy Mazes by AiXeLsyD13

The cover for "So I Finally Made a Maze Book: Easy Mazes by AiXeLsyD13."  It's white text in a blue rectangle, with 4 mazes underneath.  The mazes should be relatively easy, & have been colored.  Clockwise from the top left they are a taco, a gnome, a snowman, & a banana.
Yup, I finally did it. After drawing mazes for decades.

It was very simple to publish with Amazon. This gave me the confidence to put together another book, perhaps with a bit more coherence, and definitely with a much better cover. I have already started drawing new mazes in a neat little box template so they’re a bit more consistent. What’s a good number? 30? 50?

Also, I need to get all of these older mazes scanned & into a book too. I have some pages that are bigger than my scanner bed though. Perhaps a trip to FedEx Office or Staples is in order.

I just kind of set the price arbitrarily to make a little bit off of publishing. I’m not looking to get rich, but it would be nice to finally make income of off artistic output after decades of ostensibly doodling. (I won’t delve into my musical endeavors which are break even at best but probably a negative sum game. 🤣)

Luckily the creative outlet for me is just that, an outlet. I think we all need to express ourselves artistically or through sports, gardening, or other hobbies.

It also suggested I make a Kindle version, so I did that too. I am not sure if the concept will work there. Can you draw on a Kindle screen with a stylus or your finger? Can you print from a Kindle? I must confess I don’t have one. I am still a fan of books in the traditional form.

If you have ever enjoyed my mazes, or have been one of the awesome people that has completed them and sent in the solution – I humbly ask you (if you’re so inclined) to purchase a paperback for around $6 or a Kindle book for around $3 and let me know what you think. Should I do more? Did you enjoy it? Is the quality any good?

Really, I ask you to try even if you have never solved one of my mazes. Now is a good time to start!

It might make a good gift for kids or adults. It’s a nice way to pass some time or zone out.

If you do buy, can you leave an honest rating/review? I feel like that goes a long way with Amazon.

If you can’t buy or are really not interested, that’s OK too! I would ask you to maybe share the link around.

My thoughts on the next one are that I probably need a table of contents, to maybe title the mazes, and… should I include the solutions in the back? That’s one of my issues. I like to draw the mazes, but don’t really solve them. I may need to reach out for help on that part & pay someone to complete them so I can include the solutions (and make sure they’re solvable).

I probably need help with a title, too.

Thanks for reading, tanks for considering, and please share this link on every social media platform known to humankind: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH2FMH7W

Crazy Tube Circuits | Unobtanium


I obtained the Unobtanium! Well, I was gifted the Unobtanium through an Instagram contest. What is it? It’s like two Dumble Amps and Two Klon pedals all in one box.

Check out the narrative…

The Giveaway:

The win announcement:

I got it!
Here’s what they posted:

These Instagram stories may disappear:

I tried to save them to a reel:

Check out this killer pedal & all the demos/reviews here:

Check out my crappy video here:

Here’s what I used in the demo:

Anything I should try with it?

I have been toying with doing dumbass-style pedal reviews for a while, as my base instincts are to dime every knob. Would that be something anyone is even interested in?

🎸🎸🎸

🎸🎸🎸

Legoland New York Shenanigans – Go there!


🗽

Family photo in front of the LEGO statue of Liberty.

Her tablet should say "Of course you're tired, after this amusement park you'll be Poor."
Family photo in front of the LEGO statue of Liberty.

This year, we let the kids pick the vacations. Luckily a new job afforded me more time, and we took a year off from being camp counselors/directors. I had offered the beach. I hate the beach, but we have never gone as a family. They brainstormed & settled on Legoland in New York, a trip to visit good friends that live in NJ who took us to New York City, and an upcoming trip to Washington DC.

My wife did the booking/research and set us up for 3 nights in the hotel and 2 days in the park. We both looked at two Facebook groups prior to going to help glean some knowledge:

Somehow, I was dirty banned from the first group with no warning or explanation. 😂 The second group is totally cool. I would suggest joining both. The only thing I can think that got me banned was the toilet thing (keep reading), or that I said to take cash even though they all said not to. (More on that in a bit too.)

I’ll put a list of my tips at the end.

Full disclosure: I like LEGO as much as if not more than the kids. We all do. Even my wife has gotten into building some really cool sets.

The hotel was super cool. We stayed in a Kingdom themed room. It had a separate nook with bunk bends and a TV for the kids, and a King-sized bed & TV for the adults. It came with a bin full of mostly Duplo & some LEGO to play with. It also had a treasure-hunt the first day to get (3) LEGO poly bag sets. We got them the 2nd night too, but not the 3rd. 🤷

I think we watched ALL of the LEGO movies in the room. That was neat.

The lobby has a giant castle that looks like LEGO, a treasure-trove of Duplo & Lego blocks, a climbing wall that isn’t a climbing wall, an area with large LEGO bricks made out of some material that feels like Crocs. There are so many photo opportunities throughout the hotel and park, it’s crazy.

This is ¾ of us sitting on the wall that you're not supposed to climb on.
“We’re loners Dottie, rebels!”

Yeah. 4,672 kids climbed on this wall. Employees would all politely tell them to get off, and the parent / grandparent / aunt / uncle /random stranger would undoubtedly always exclaim “But, it looks like a climbing wall!” There is a sign to the left that says not to climb… but really, it LOOKS like a climbing wall. I suggest the shore it up so it’s safe to climb, or put stuff on the shelves so they don’t look like seats. Or maybe get a bigger more centralized “No Climbing” sign.

The restaurants in the park & at the hotel were interesting. They were crazy expensive, which we had gleaned from the groups, and kind of just expected anyway. The food was eh. I did not like their “fry sauce” on the burger. Breakfast was free with the stay and was a nice tray with scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, French toast sticks, sausage, tator tots or home fries, fresh fruit, and the option of coffee, juice, milk, or water to drink. Pop or iced tea was an up charge.

RIDE THE DRAGON!  🐉🤘
🐉

The rides and attractions are definitely geared to pre-teen kids, but were fun for the whole family. The Dragon was my son’s first roller coaster ride. The indoor rides were fun, and of course they drop you in the gift shops. We kept telling my son that the same stuff would be in the big store. We were wrong. Some stuff was different. No build a minifigure in the big store.

We did not do the water park… It’s convoluted as you have to reserve time in 20 minute increments and it seems like a wild pain in the keister. We thought about doing the pool at the hotel after the park, but we decided to chill the first day and it was raining the second day. The pirate themed rides were perfect for us.

I almost bought the park-exclusive Legoland New York set, and would have for $75, but I didn’t feel like it was worth the $100 asking price. Maybe next time? We did get the photo package for one day, and they kids’ LEGOLAND drivers license photos. I did buy two little New York City themed sets.

OH NO!

The thing that made me laugh the most was our toilet project.

My son was having fun playing with the blocks and all the other kids in the hotel lobby. He became somewhat of a warmonger or arms dealer. Kids were coming up to him like he was Peter Dinklage in that Thor Movie where he forged Stormbreaker, or Tony Stark supplying all sides with arms. He was making Duplo and LEGO swords, guns, and who knows what else for any kid that would ask. He was having an absolute blast. I built Godzilla and a city to smash to pass some time. I also built a Duplo rubber duck and we attached to it a Ninjago figure’s head.

Then my daughter and I got silly. She built a pile of poop out of brown LEGO bricks. I told her to get me a bunch of white Duplo blocks, and made a toilet. At first, we just sat her stuffed LEGO guy in a chicken costume minifig on it. Then, we put it on the tray beside a salad that a LEGO waitress minifig sculpture was carrying. It was hilarious to see kids & adults discover it.

Sophisticated art.  Finely schooled LEGO and Duplo artists add to an existing art installation, to make several high-brown political and societal statements.

OR

A Duplo toilet featuring a LEGO poop put on a serving tray next to a salad on a minifigure LEGO sculpture.
I’m easily amused. I don’t know what her deal is.

All-in-all, we had a great time. I think you will too if you’re into LEGO and your kids are the right age. Check out the last of my pics if you didn’t already see them on Instagram, or skip down to my helpful tips!

My LEGOLAND New York tips:

  • I would suggest getting the app. It was helpful with menus, maps, reservations, etc.
    • You scan a barcode for the menus as the hotel restaurants.
    • You can use the app to order at some food establishments in the park.
    • You need reservations for the $20 cafeteria burger meals at the Bricks Family restaurant.
  • Don’t climb the wall that looks like a climbing wall, or do it quick before they yell at you.
  • Get the burger with the fry sauce on the side.
  • The BBQ place was good!
  • The crappy unwanted minifigures your kid brings to trade are the same ones that every other kid brings to trade, and what the employees have on their carts or badges to offer for trade.
  • BRING CASH. 💵 Even though the Legoland NY FB tips & tricks group that unceremoniously booted me implores you to leave all cash at home… You want to tip, right? If you want to leave a tip for breakfast where you don’t get any add-ons, for the room service, or the hotel cleaning staff, you need cash.
    • There is not even an ATM on site, I asked the front desk.
    • Don’t try to use cash anywhere else there, which is actually fantastic.
    • We had the kids save up their own money for vacation, then put it on VISA gift cards before we went. They purchased what they wanted at their own discretion. We bought them one clothing or stuffed animal item each.
  • Kids’ meals come with a juice pouch in the cute little lunch bag… but it doesn’t advertise that anywhere… so, we bought 2 extra drinks for $10 the first lunch. 🤦‍♂️
  • Pack a bag with water, snacks, or even lunch.
  • The build-you-own minifigure part selection was grim in the hotel store.
  • Get you some LEGO themed shirts.
  • The Elevator Dance Parties are a blast at the hotel.
Shock 'n' Roll is NOT to be confused with the shocker.  🤘
🤘

If you have been there, please share your tips & tricks in the comments! If you have not, ask some questions and I’ll try to answer!

Change is inevitable, and I hate it. #DollarShaveClub?#DollarShameClub!


It started with some warning post cards & emails. Dollar Shave Club was phasing out the three bladed razors in favor of the 4… and switching my plan without asking. Well, mine, and all the other subscribers out there. Why?

Assuming a lot of their membership is male. Stereotypically, men are resistant to change. Why fix what’s not broken?

In the grand scheme of life, this is most certainly just a small annoyance… but an annoyance nonetheless. My typical email writing shenanigans has not provided any “real” answers other than some 🐂💩 about having done research that indicates people like the new blades.

The 4-blade razors feel like tiny demons ripping the hair out of your face one-by-one. I don’t know how a razor company messes up razors, but here we are. I can’t be the only one.

I feel like they had to stop making them for some reason. Costs? Manufacturing facility change? Why change a good thing? I thought they called them The Executive but now they’re calling them “Heritage.”

I sent them this maze via email, Twitter,Facebook, & Instagram, and that have not acknowledged it at all. 🤣

It’s not easy keeping up with these perpetually-out-of-style sideburns & my regal salt & pepper goatee.

The responses have been pretty banal. This was my original email:

Hello Friends,

I think you messed up… but it’s OK.  I’m here for you in your time of need.  I can help clear your mind so you can make better decisions.

I cannot find any fathomable reason that you needed to switch from the heritage series razors to the club series.  The old 3-bladed razors were awesome.  These new 4-blade razors are, to put it bluntly (pun intended), absolute shit.  After one use with the new 4-bladed razors, it feels like someone is ripping the hairs out of my face.

Honestly, I never paid much attention to what the old ones were called.  Was it The Executive?  I don’t know.  I don’t care.  It shaved my face, well, and I did not like any of the other options.

Did you test it on people with alopecia or animals that could not provide feedback?  Were you not alive during the New Coke debacle?  People don’t like change.  Men stereotypically do not like change.  I get anxiety when my wife rearranges the furniture.

You can imagine my displeasure with being forced to use a new razor, and my irritation (pun, again, woefully intended) at the use of it.  I have seen many other unsatisfied people on Twitter.  They all can’t be wrong.

My gift to you is this maze.  You can use it as you contemplate the best way to bring back the old blade.  Labyrinths have traditionally helped people meditate.  Surely it can help you come to a good decision and a concise quick plan to get out of this shenanigans.

I may be forced to try Harry’s, but I like your Shave Butter and I don’t think they have anything comparable.  How can I control my goofy lambchop-exsque sideburns and more-salt-than-pepper van dyke/goatee thing without a razor I can trust?  It is hard to maintain my perpetually out of style facial hair.  (Do you see an anti-change theme here?)

Thank you for your time.  I look forward to your thoughts on the whole thing… or at least an explanation of the thinking behind the change.

My face feels like Anakin when Obi Wan got the high ground.

Pleading for sanity,

-Eric.seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI 

This was their blah reply…

Hey Eric,

Thanks for bringing this to our attention. Apologies for the late response. This certainly isn’t the experience we would have hoped for and the quality of our products is a top priority for us, so we appreciate you bringing this to our attention. We apologize for the trouble. I’ll be sure to forward your feedback to the right department for a review. Your experience is extremely valuable to us. We also understand that change can be difficult but we decided to make and sell our own Club Series razor.

Of course, if you’d prefer to cancel your account immediately, we understand as well. Just let us know what you decide and we can get that taken care of right away.

Thanks,

Jane

Then, this…

Thanks Jane,

Did you or any of your team at least try the maze while you thought it over?

This is an insane level of shenanigans.  I thought it would help you reach the right decision to keep making the old style blades until the sun explodes & swallows the earth… or at least until I die.

I would cancel, but your shave butter is super awesome.  I am stuck between a proverbial rock and a hard place, but the rock is traditional shaving cream or gel, and the hard place is your 4-blade razors that feel like they are tugging the follicles out of my face.

Dejected,

Bushy in Bridgeville

This was it. Again. Is “Jane” AI?

Hey Eric,

Thanks for getting back to us. We are currently working on this issue. Can you please confirm if you want me to cancel your account immediately? As checked, you have an item with your recurring box that will be billed this coming April 21st.

Looking forward to your response so we can have this taken care of.

Thanks,

Jane

I guess this is where it ends, my friends.

Hello Jane,

I guess I would like you to cancel my subscription.  I feel like you’re “sus” (as my kids would say) AI, and you’re not giving real reasons why the blades were changed, or even acknowledging my hilarious maze.

I think I may go with Amazon.  Harry’s doesn’t appear to have that shave butter goodness… and Amazon has a plethora of options.  I get TV, music, and everything else from Amazon anyway.  I, for one, welcome our capitalist digital overlords.  Maybe they have a sense of humor?  I can draw them a maze and see if they appreciate it.

It’s never too late to re-think your bad decisions.  Please share the maze with your friends & co-workers.

-Eric.

seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI 

I would move to Harry’s, but they seem to not have anything comparable to DSC’s Shave Butter. I am a convert. No more cream or gel for me. I need to try this dastardly 6-bladed razor. Perhaps an Amazon subscription service will do me well?

They didn’t respond via Facebook messenger, a DM on Twitter seemed very AI, and Instagram’s DM was not entertaining in the least.

I’m not the only one who thought so either. Twitter is LIT UP about it.

Do you or did you subscribe to the Dollar Shave Club? Did this annoy you too? Sound off in the comments!

Also, try the maze!