Category Archives: Dad Stuff

Legoland New York Shenanigans – Go there!

Posted on by Standard Reply

🗽 Family photo in front of the LEGO statue of Liberty. Her tablet should say "Of course you're tired, after this amusement park you'll be Poor."
Family photo in front of the LEGO statue of Liberty.

This year, we let the kids pick the vacations. Luckily a new job afforded me more time, and we took a year off from being camp counselors/directors. I had offered the beach. I hate the beach, but we have never gone as a family. They brainstormed & settled on Legoland in New York, a trip to visit good friends that live in NJ who took us to New York City, and an upcoming trip to Washington DC.

My wife did the booking/research and set us up for 3 nights in the hotel and 2 days in the park. We both looked at two Facebook groups prior to going to help glean some knowledge:

Somehow, I was dirty banned from the first group with no warning or explanation. 😂 The second group is totally cool. I would suggest joining both. The only thing I can think that got me banned was the toilet thing (keep reading), or that I said to take cash even though they all said not to. (More on that in a bit too.)

I’ll put a list of my tips at the end.

Full disclosure: I like LEGO as much as if not more than the kids. We all do. Even my wife has gotten into building some really cool sets.

Family photo at the front sign to LEGOLAND New York.
The photo packaghe was worth it.
LEGOLAND refrigerator magnet made of... LEGO bricks.
My magnet may get glued together…

The hotel was super cool. We stayed in a Kingdom themed room. It had a separate nook with bunk bends and a TV for the kids, and a King-sized bed & TV for the adults. It came with a bin full of mostly Duplo & some LEGO to play with. It also had a treasure-hunt the first day to get (3) LEGO poly bag sets. We got them the 2nd night too, but not the 3rd. 🤷

LEGO frog atop a vast vault.
This guy guards the treasure.
kids playing Dick Tracy to get the lock combo code.
Found it!

I think we watched ALL of the LEGO movies in the room. That was neat.

The lobby has a giant castle that looks like LEGO, a treasure-trove of Duplo & Lego blocks, a climbing wall that isn’t a climbing wall, an area with large LEGO bricks made out of some material that feels like Crocs. There are so many photo opportunities throughout the hotel and park, it’s crazy.

I am here to storm LEGO castle!
I want one in the back yard.
Do you like my hat? It is the bastard child of a science experiment gone wrong. I left some LEGO and a pair of Crocs in that machine from The Fly, and welll... Jeff Goldblum is always pressing buttons.
Where can I buy these Croc-LEGO hybrids?
This is ¾ of us sitting on the wall that you're not supposed to climb on.
“We’re loners Dottie, rebels!”

Yeah. 4,672 kids climbed on this wall. Employees would all politely tell them to get off, and the parent / grandparent / aunt / uncle /random stranger would undoubtedly always exclaim “But, it looks like a climbing wall!” There is a sign to the left that says not to climb… but really, it LOOKS like a climbing wall. I suggest the shore it up so it’s safe to climb, or put stuff on the shelves so they don’t look like seats. Or maybe get a bigger more centralized “No Climbing” sign.

The restaurants in the park & at the hotel were interesting. They were crazy expensive, which we had gleaned from the groups, and kind of just expected anyway. The food was eh. I did not like their “fry sauce” on the burger. Breakfast was free with the stay and was a nice tray with scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, French toast sticks, sausage, tator tots or home fries, fresh fruit, and the option of coffee, juice, milk, or water to drink. Pop or iced tea was an up charge.

RIDE THE DRAGON! 🐉🤘
🐉

The rides and attractions are definitely geared to pre-teen kids, but were fun for the whole family. The Dragon was my son’s first roller coaster ride. The indoor rides were fun, and of course they drop you in the gift shops. We kept telling my son that the same stuff would be in the big store. We were wrong. Some stuff was different. No build a minifigure in the big store.

We did not do the water park… It’s convoluted as you have to reserve time in 20 minute increments and it seems like a wild pain in the keister. We thought about doing the pool at the hotel after the park, but we decided to chill the first day and it was raining the second day. The pirate themed rides were perfect for us.

I almost bought the park-exclusive Legoland New York set, and would have for $75, but I didn’t feel like it was worth the $100 asking price. Maybe next time? We did get the photo package for one day, and they kids’ LEGOLAND drivers license photos. I did buy two little New York City themed sets.

OH NO!

The thing that made me laugh the most was our toilet project.

My son was having fun playing with the blocks and all the other kids in the hotel lobby. He became somewhat of a warmonger or arms dealer. Kids were coming up to him like he was Peter Dinklage in that Thor Movie where he forged Stormbreaker, or Tony Stark supplying all sides with arms. He was making Duplo and LEGO swords, guns, and who knows what else for any kid that would ask. He was having an absolute blast. I built Godzilla and a city to smash to pass some time. I also built a Duplo rubber duck and we attached to it a Ninjago figure’s head.

Then my daughter and I got silly. She built a pile of poop out of brown LEGO bricks. I told her to get me a bunch of white Duplo blocks, and made a toilet. At first, we just sat her stuffed LEGO guy in a chicken costume minifig on it. Then, we put it on the tray beside a salad that a LEGO waitress minifig sculpture was carrying. It was hilarious to see kids & adults discover it.

Sophisticated art. Finely schooled LEGO and Duplo artists add to an existing art installation, to make several high-brown political and societal statements. OR A Duplo toilet featuring a LEGO poop put on a serving tray next to a salad on a minifigure LEGO sculpture.
I’m easily amused. I don’t know what her deal is.

All-in-all, we had a great time. I think you will too if you’re into LEGO and your kids are the right age. Check out the last of my pics if you didn’t already see them on Instagram, or skip down to my helpful tips!

Knock. Knock.
GIRL SCOUT COOKIES.
This was before the LEGOLAND driver's licenses were issued.
Imagine the car is Legoland, and I am my bank account.
It wasn't me.
I didn’t do it.
☠️
Even LEGO skulls are cool. ☠️
Dave is an unrecognized LEGO genius.
#TeamDave
LEGO Mt. Rushmore was cool AND creepy.
They sang to us.
LEGO Statue of Liberty & Staten Island Ferry!
We rode the real one later that week!
LEGO NYC
Impressive, but the real thing was WILD.
Ninjago
The kids loved this guy.
Minifigure sculptures.
This isn’;’t nearly all of them.
New York Postcard 40519 | Other
New York Postcard 40519 | Other
New York City 21028 | Architecture
New York City 21028 | Architecture

My LEGOLAND New York tips:

  • I would suggest getting the app. It was helpful with menus, maps, reservations, etc.
    • You scan a barcode for the menus as the hotel restaurants.
    • You can use the app to order at some food establishments in the park.
    • You need reservations for the $20 cafeteria burger meals at the Bricks Family restaurant.
  • Don’t climb the wall that looks like a climbing wall, or do it quick before they yell at you.
  • Get the burger with the fry sauce on the side.
  • The BBQ place was good!
  • The crappy unwanted minifigures your kid brings to trade are the same ones that every other kid brings to trade, and what the employees have on their carts or badges to offer for trade.
  • BRING CASH. 💵 Even though the Legoland NY FB tips & tricks group that unceremoniously booted me implores you to leave all cash at home… You want to tip, right? If you want to leave a tip for breakfast where you don’t get any add-ons, for the room service, or the hotel cleaning staff, you need cash.
    • There is not even an ATM on site, I asked the front desk.
    • Don’t try to use cash anywhere else there, which is actually fantastic.
    • We had the kids save up their own money for vacation, then put it on VISA gift cards before we went. They purchased what they wanted at their own discretion. We bought them one clothing or stuffed animal item each.
  • Kids’ meals come with a juice pouch in the cute little lunch bag… but it doesn’t advertise that anywhere… so, we bought 2 extra drinks for $10 the first lunch. 🤦‍♂️
  • Pack a bag with water, snacks, or even lunch.
  • The build-you-own minifigure part selection was grim in the hotel store.
  • Get you some LEGO themed shirts.
  • The Elevator Dance Parties are a blast at the hotel.
Shock 'n' Roll is NOT to be confused with the shocker. 🤘
🤘

If you have been there, please share your tips & tricks in the comments! If you have not, ask some questions and I’ll try to answer!

Hot Turkey Sandwich Dinner (Quick Style!) 🦃

Posted on by Standard 1

I love a good hot sandwich smothered in gravy, be it roast beef, meatloaf, or turkey. I was in the mood for a turkey one like you’d get at a diner, and being a week night after work, wanted to put it together pretty quickly as I hadn’t thought ahead to use the crock pot.


Putting it here, so if I want it again I’ll remember what I did right & want to try it again. I may have to double the recipe when the kids are home. This fed two of us & left enough for me for lunch.

The Turkey:

  • 2 Breast Cutlets
  • 1 can of Yuengling Traditional Lager (Or Straub Amber, or Shiner Bock, or Smithwick’s, or Killian’s Irish Red. Pick a good beer.)
  • ⅔ cup carrot chips. (Yup, cheated & bought those in a bag too.)
  • 1 Spanish Onion, peeled & quartered.
  • 2 tsp. of minced garlic from a jar like a lazy person.
  • A bunch of your preferred spices. (I used, cracked pepper, poultry seasoning, sage, thyme, onion powder, garlic powder, paprika, Mrs. Dash’s table blend, and a bit of Season All.)
  1. Pre-heat the oven to 350°
  2. Put the turkey cutlets in a roasting pan, & pour the beer over them. Again, get good beer. No one wants you to cook with Coors or Budweiser or Mic Ultra.
  3. Toss in the onion & carrot.
  4. Add all the spices. When you think it’s too much, keep going.
  5. Stick in your meat thermometer probe that reads temperature while cooking.
  6. Pit the lid on, put it in the oven.
  7. I set the timer for 50 minutes, but it was done in a half hour or so. Cook to 165° internal temp & let it rest. I got distracted & took it to 170° and no one died, so don’t worry if it’s not precise.

The Veggies:

  • Bundle of Broccoli
  • Carrots from that bag you already opened.
  • Chicken Bullion Cube.
  • You still have those spices out, right?
  1. Eyeball some water into the pot, ad the bullion & spices.
  2. Chop that broccoli up and compost the stems or make those little fried things that looks delicious.
  3. Put the broccoli & carrots in the steamer thing that goes on top of the pot.
  4. Boil it for… I dunno. Not long. I like my broccoli bright green & crunchy. Bonus with the carrots being cut like this, they cook quickly too.

The ‘Taters:

  • They’re from a box. Follow the directions… sort of. I bought the store brand.
  • Use more butter than they call for.
  • Put a chicken bullion cube in the water instead of salt.
  • instead of lowfat milk, use ½ whole milk and ½ buttermilk. Add sour cream if you’re into complete and total anarchy.

The Gravy:

  • 2 jars of turkey gravy
  • roasting pan drippings
  • A bit of those carrots & onions.
  1. Heat the gravy on medium-high.
  2. Add pan drippings to taste
  3. Chop up the carrots & onions pretty small, & add them too.
  4. Cook it on medium until it thickens back up.

The Sandwich:

  • Texas Toast (Why do they call it that? it wasn’t toasted.)
  • That turkey, sliced after it has rested a bit.
  • That gravy.
  1. Put the bread on the plate, with some mashed potatoes beside it.
  2. Put the turkey on top.
  3. Add some gravy on top of everything.
  4. Put another piece of bread on the top. (Unless you want an open-faced sandwich.)
  5. Slather more gravy on that.
  6. Drink a shot of gravy.

Don’t forget to eat your vegetables so it’s a healthy meal. This is a quick week night dinner that tastes like it cooked all day.

Things I might try next time…

  • Toast the Texas Toast, or grill it up like grilled cheese or a patty melt?
  • Bacon pieces in the gravy.
  • Bacon on the sandwich.

Have any suggestions, tips, tricks, or secrets?

If you were a lunch lady in the 80’s and know how to make/where to get that greenish-yellow glow-in-the-dark colored school cafeteria gravy, hit me up in the comments! I am super nostalgic for that,

Ham N’ Bean Soup (Recipe) 🫘🥣

Posted on by Standard Reply

I made some ham n’ bean soup. I liked it more this time than last time. Here’ the recipe…

Every once in a while I get hungry for this. I make it slightly different every time. This time was pretty god, so I may replicate it. Or at least attempt to.

Ingredients:

  • 2 freezer bags of leftover ham from Easter, cubed.
  • 2 globs of Irish butter using a tablespoon.
  • Spanish onion, diced.
  • A stick of celery, chopped
  • Shredded carrots, chopped even smaller
  • 1 red bell pepper, cubed
  • 1 tsp. of minced garlic
  • 7 cans of beans. I used the Giant Eagle brand. I got butter beans, black beans, pinto beans, navy beans, kidney beans, great northern beans, & cannellini beans. I thought about garbanzo beans and black eyed peas.
  • 1 can of diced potatoes.
  • 1 bottle of Yuengling Traditional Lager (Sometimes I cook with Straub Amber too.)
  • 12 cups water
  • A tablespoon of Better Than Bullion Ham Base
  • 2 tablespoons of Orrington Farms Concentrated Ham Base
  • Mrs. Dash Table Blend seasoning (to taste)
  • McCormick BBQ Seasoning (to taste)
  • Ground Mustard (to taste)
  • White Pepper (to taste)
  • Salt (to taste)
  • Pepper (to taste)
  • garlic powder (to taste)
  • onion powder (to taste)
Canned Beans & Potatoes.
Beans
Ham Soup Bases & Beer

I’m impatient so I didn’t use dried beans and soak the overnight while standing on my head facing east while reciting a mantra about not farting after eating this soup or whatever you have to do to do all that properly. Ain’t nobody got time for that. I did drain & rinse them really well. I’m sure this would be fine with ham steaks but the roasted ham from Easter was delicious.

The Method:

Sauteeing the veggies, adding potatoes, then beer.
  1. I dumped all the beans into a colander and mixed them, then rinsed them pretty good with cold water. I set that aside on a bowl for a minute.
  2. I globbed the butter into the stock pot, put it on a burner, and cranked that shit up to medium-high.
  3. As the butter was melting, I added the onions, and let them sautée a bit. I added some onion powder, garlic powder, and a bit of salt here.
  4. I added the carrots, celery, & bell peppers, then sautéed a little more.
  5. This is where I added the rest of the spices to taste. Use whatever floats your boat. I added the minced garlic last so it didn’t burn.
  6. I tasted this before I did anything else and did so by setting aside a spoonful to cool while I moved on to the next step. I could have eaten just this.
  7. I dumped the canned potatoes along with the water into the mix.
  8. I dumped the beer into the mix.
  9. I got 8 cups of water into a giant mixing cup & added the “better than bullion” and soup base stuff. I went a bit lighter than the directions specify because I always end up making the soup too salty. I also didn’t use a measuring spoon. I used regular spoons & serving spoons. What is this, baking?
  10. I added all the beans, and 4 more cups of water.
  11. I added the ham last as I cubed it. I think at some point I cranked the heat down to medium.
  12. After adding the ham, I brought it to a boil on high, then let it boil on medium-low for 20 minutes, lid off, then pulled it off to rest.
  13. If you’re worried about the taste, take a bite way too soon, scorch your tastebuds, and it won’t matter anyway.

This was pretty tasty. I would only maybe add bacon? Manybe peas or something? What would you add? Would you switch anything out? I’m sure chicken bullion or broth would be good here too.

I like to serve this with some buttered rolls, or even a sandwich. Maybe cornbread would be good too?

This is good, but not much tops ham n’ green bean n’ tater stew. I wonder if green beans would be good in this?

Change is inevitable, and I hate it. #DollarShaveClub?#DollarShameClub!

Posted on by Standard 1

It started with some warning post cards & emails. Dollar Shave Club was phasing out the three bladed razors in favor of the 4… and switching my plan without asking. Well, mine, and all the other subscribers out there. Why?

Assuming a lot of their membership is male. Stereotypically, men are resistant to change. Why fix what’s not broken?

In the grand scheme of life, this is most certainly just a small annoyance… but an annoyance nonetheless. My typical email writing shenanigans has not provided any “real” answers other than some 🐂💩 about having done research that indicates people like the new blades.

The 4-blade razors feel like tiny demons ripping the hair out of your face one-by-one. I don’t know how a razor company messes up razors, but here we are. I can’t be the only one.

I feel like they had to stop making them for some reason. Costs? Manufacturing facility change? Why change a good thing? I thought they called them The Executive but now they’re calling them “Heritage.”

I sent them this maze via email, Twitter,Facebook, & Instagram, and that have not acknowledged it at all. 🤣

It’s not easy keeping up with these perpetually-out-of-style sideburns & my regal salt & pepper goatee.

The responses have been pretty banal. This was my original email:

Hello Friends,

I think you messed up… but it’s OK.  I’m here for you in your time of need.  I can help clear your mind so you can make better decisions.

I cannot find any fathomable reason that you needed to switch from the heritage series razors to the club series.  The old 3-bladed razors were awesome.  These new 4-blade razors are, to put it bluntly (pun intended), absolute shit.  After one use with the new 4-bladed razors, it feels like someone is ripping the hairs out of my face.

Honestly, I never paid much attention to what the old ones were called.  Was it The Executive?  I don’t know.  I don’t care.  It shaved my face, well, and I did not like any of the other options.

Did you test it on people with alopecia or animals that could not provide feedback?  Were you not alive during the New Coke debacle?  People don’t like change.  Men stereotypically do not like change.  I get anxiety when my wife rearranges the furniture.

You can imagine my displeasure with being forced to use a new razor, and my irritation (pun, again, woefully intended) at the use of it.  I have seen many other unsatisfied people on Twitter.  They all can’t be wrong.

My gift to you is this maze.  You can use it as you contemplate the best way to bring back the old blade.  Labyrinths have traditionally helped people meditate.  Surely it can help you come to a good decision and a concise quick plan to get out of this shenanigans.

I may be forced to try Harry’s, but I like your Shave Butter and I don’t think they have anything comparable.  How can I control my goofy lambchop-exsque sideburns and more-salt-than-pepper van dyke/goatee thing without a razor I can trust?  It is hard to maintain my perpetually out of style facial hair.  (Do you see an anti-change theme here?)

Thank you for your time.  I look forward to your thoughts on the whole thing… or at least an explanation of the thinking behind the change.

My face feels like Anakin when Obi Wan got the high ground.

Pleading for sanity,

-Eric.seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI 

This was their blah reply…

Hey Eric,

Thanks for bringing this to our attention. Apologies for the late response. This certainly isn’t the experience we would have hoped for and the quality of our products is a top priority for us, so we appreciate you bringing this to our attention. We apologize for the trouble. I’ll be sure to forward your feedback to the right department for a review. Your experience is extremely valuable to us. We also understand that change can be difficult but we decided to make and sell our own Club Series razor.

Of course, if you’d prefer to cancel your account immediately, we understand as well. Just let us know what you decide and we can get that taken care of right away.

Thanks,

Jane

Then, this…

Thanks Jane,

Did you or any of your team at least try the maze while you thought it over?

This is an insane level of shenanigans.  I thought it would help you reach the right decision to keep making the old style blades until the sun explodes & swallows the earth… or at least until I die.

I would cancel, but your shave butter is super awesome.  I am stuck between a proverbial rock and a hard place, but the rock is traditional shaving cream or gel, and the hard place is your 4-blade razors that feel like they are tugging the follicles out of my face.

Dejected,

Bushy in Bridgeville

This was it. Again. Is “Jane” AI?

Hey Eric,

Thanks for getting back to us. We are currently working on this issue. Can you please confirm if you want me to cancel your account immediately? As checked, you have an item with your recurring box that will be billed this coming April 21st.

Looking forward to your response so we can have this taken care of.

Thanks,

Jane

I guess this is where it ends, my friends.

Hello Jane,

I guess I would like you to cancel my subscription.  I feel like you’re “sus” (as my kids would say) AI, and you’re not giving real reasons why the blades were changed, or even acknowledging my hilarious maze.

I think I may go with Amazon.  Harry’s doesn’t appear to have that shave butter goodness… and Amazon has a plethora of options.  I get TV, music, and everything else from Amazon anyway.  I, for one, welcome our capitalist digital overlords.  Maybe they have a sense of humor?  I can draw them a maze and see if they appreciate it.

It’s never too late to re-think your bad decisions.  Please share the maze with your friends & co-workers.

-Eric.

seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI 

I would move to Harry’s, but they seem to not have anything comparable to DSC’s Shave Butter. I am a convert. No more cream or gel for me. I need to try this dastardly 6-bladed razor. Perhaps an Amazon subscription service will do me well?

They didn’t respond via Facebook messenger, a DM on Twitter seemed very AI, and Instagram’s DM was not entertaining in the least.

I’m not the only one who thought so either. Twitter is LIT UP about it.

https://twitter.com/nswhitley/status/1631739167641141272
https://twitter.com/xtian666/status/1632163174966525952
https://twitter.com/nswhitley/status/1631739167641141272
https://twitter.com/xtian666/status/1632161873775964161
https://twitter.com/landlockedlover/status/1642316824934232064

Do you or did you subscribe to the Dollar Shave Club? Did this annoy you too? Sound off in the comments!

Also, try the maze!

Potato Soup 🥔🥣

Posted on by Standard 5

I’ve never made potato soup before. I read a few recipes, and decided to make my own style. It wasn’t bad for the first time! I wanted to save it for later for myself, so I thought I’d share while I was at it.

I wanted something that would pair well with Reubens, and I think this hit the spot. I have been on a corned beef kick lately.

Ingredients:

  • 2 sticks butter
  • ½ sweet onion
  • 4 cloves garlic
  • Handful of shredded carrots
  • lil’ bag of “bacon pieces.”
  • Cup of flour
  • ½ of a 5 lb. bag of gold potatoes
  • Box chicken broth
  • Box vegetable broth
  • 2 cups milk
  • ½-ish cup heavy cream
  • Dollop sour cream
  • Shredded Cheese: sharp cheddar, Gouda, extra sharp white cheddar – maybe a cup combined.
  • Pepper, salt, white pepper, paprika, season-all, garlic powder, onion powder, dried parsley. Use your own best judgement.

Method:

  1. I sort-of peeled about half a bag of gold potatoes, & diced them up… cubes smaller than an inch, maybe ½” to ¾”.
  2. Chopped up half of a sweet onion, and a hanful of shredded carrots. Maybe 2 handsful. Hadfuls?
  3. Minced 4 cloves of garlic. Probably could have used more.
  4. Put the soup pot on the stove… melted butter over medium, sautéed the onions & carrots for a bit, before adding the garlic… then the bacon pieces and the 2nd chopped up stick o’ butter. I hit it with some spices.
  5. Mixed some spices in the flour, and whisked that into the overly buttered sautéed bits, then let it brown a lil’ bit.
  6. Added the boxes of stock, milk, cream, & sour cream.
  7. Plopped in the potatoes.
  8. Brought it to a boil, still over medium. Stirred it a lot. A lot.
  9. Let it boil for like 15 minutes… then added the shredded cheese. I eyeballed it so my “measurement” could be way off.
  10. Stirred it again. A lot.
  11. Used an immersion blender to blend about half the potatoes to thicken the soup.
  12. Let it sit while I made Reubens.
  13. Served with a smaller dollop of sour cream, bacon bits, & mix of shredded cheese on top.

Notes:

  • I bought a pack of instant mashed potatoes in case I needed to cheat and thicken up the soup. I didn’t need to, but I bet that would wok if I wanted more potato chunks & to skip the blending?
  • Ham or pork bullion/broth would probably reinforce the bacon flavor?
  • I wonder if roasting the potoates before adding to the soup would add some more flavor?
  • Parmesan cheese may have been good too?
  • Could have upped the spice with some cayenne or more white pepper, or maybe put tobaso/red hot in the serving bowl?
  • Could have used real bacon, fried it in the bottom 1st & used that grease to mix with the flour… but I didn’t feel like opening a pack of back only to use 4 or so strips.
  • Chives would be good if that’s your thing.

Any suggestions? Like I said, I wanted to pair it with Reubens. I have been on a corned beef kick. You don’t need a recipe for that, do you? Let me know if you do.


Like I said, I have been on a corned beef kick lately…

These are interesting reads on Corned Beef:

Enjoy a Celtic playlist or two, and tell me what good stuff I’m missing…

🍻
ℌ𝔢𝔯𝔢’𝔰 𝔱𝔬 𝔞 𝔩𝔬𝔫𝔤 𝔩𝔦𝔣𝔢, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔞 𝔪𝔢𝔯𝔯𝔶 𝔬𝔫𝔢.
𝔄 𝔮𝔲𝔦𝔠𝔨 𝔡𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔥, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔞𝔫 𝔢𝔞𝔰𝔶 𝔬𝔫𝔢.
𝔄 𝔭𝔯𝔢𝔱𝔱𝔶 𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔞𝔫 𝔥𝔬𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔱 𝔬𝔫𝔢.
𝔄 𝔠𝔬𝔩𝔡 𝔟𝔢𝔢𝔯, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔞𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔬𝔫𝔢!

Pepperidge Farm Adventure Maze

Posted on by Standard 4

So, right before new years, I went on adventure looking for mini cocktail rye breads from Pepperidge Farm. They used to make one called Jewish Rye, and Pumpernickel.

The Jewish Rye was cool because it contained ground caraway seeds instead of the standard whole caraway seeds. I have had bouts with Diverticulitis, so I try to stay hydrated & avoid tiny sharp seeds. Caraway absolutely ruins sauerkraut, but it is good in rye bread.

Pumpernickel is cool because it essentially is named for the devil’s farts… and if that’s not cool, I don’t know what is. This is also code in my household for “I am always right.” I told my wife the name origin behind it, she said there was no way, Googled it… and, like I said… I am always right.

I know that the other manufacturer, S. Rosen, make cocktail-sized rye and pumpernickel bread… but the rye is not seedless. Apparently Hanky Panky means something entirely different in some parts of Ohio.

My wife likes to make this stuff for New Year’s that’s like swiss cheese, lemon-pepper, and mayo on the cocktail-sized Jewish Rye then toasted in the oven. It’s delicious. I like to make little mini open faced Reubens. The pumpernickel would be an acceptable alternative if I absolutely can’t find the seedless rye.

Because I’m weird and can’t leave anything alone, we have this…

I, of course, posted it on Twitter, Instagram, & Facebook. I tagged Pepperidge Farm & Pepperidge Farm Cares. To their credit, they did reply:

I did tag all the stores that I could in the photo on Instagram and Facebook, but none of them have taken the bait.

I had to turn it up a notch, to which they did not reply:

Hello, I was wondering if anyone had time to try and complete my maze while considering bringing back cocktail-sized Jewish Rye. The ground caraway was awesome, because it isn't a potential diverticulitis disaster like whole seeds are. My wife wpuld [sic] use it to make this delicious lemon pepper cheese appetizer, and I like to make tiny Reuben sandwiches and pretend I am a reformed King King that no longer has to eat people sacrificed to me on Skull Island. The mini pumpernickel is cool just because of the etymology. I mean? It has to be the most metal bread out there. How can you discontinue such wonderful things?

All of that just says:

Hello,

I was wondering if anyone had time to try and complete my maze while considering bringing back cocktail-sized Jewish Rye.

The ground caraway was awesome, because it isn’t a potential diverticulitis disaster like whole seeds are.

My wife wpuld [sic] use it to make this delicious lemon pepper cheese appetizer, and I like to make tiny Reuben sandwiches and pretend I am a reformed King King that no longer has to eat people sacrificed to me on Skull Island.

The mini pumpernickel is cool just because of the etymology. I mean? It has to be the most metal bread out there. 🤘

How can you discontinue such wonderful things?

Also, AI generated art seems to be the cool thing these days, so I tried to make this on a few different ones to go along with the blog post:

King Kong feasting upon a stack of tiny Reuben sandwiches on tiny bread. There is a stack of sandwiches in the background resembling the Empire State Building. it is evening with a full moon in the clear sky. King Kong has a highly detailed face where you can clearly see his expression of pure satisfaction.

I may have to buy a gorilla suit and make some tiny Reubens with the S. Rosen bread… and convince the wife or kids to take my photo.

Or, I may have to make a maze for S. Rosen, featuring a caraway seed that must make the journey through my guys without getting stuck, causing inflammation & a possible infection. Or maybe it has to make its way through a grinder before beign added to the dough & baked?

I doubt than anyone at Pepperidge Farm or Pepperidge Farm Cares is going to complete my maze. But, if they do, you can thank me later.

As far as discussion here, which I always ask for yet rarely get in the comments, let me know what you do with mini cocktail rye or pumpernickel bread.

Also… Ler’s discuss Reubens. Russian or Thousand Island? Regular rye or marbled? Do you add anything like bacon or swap out corned beef for Pastrami? Do you ever use Havarti instead of Swiss? Grilled in a pan, or on a panini press? I should blog about Reubens. Mmm. I’m hungry.

Also, please, please, complete the maze! Send me the results, post & tag me!

The most important takeaway is that if I tell you something, I am always right. Pumpernickel.

Christmas Mazes 2022 ❄️🎅🎄🎁⛄✍️

Posted on by Standard Reply

I did some drawing, scanning with the HP app on the phone, and coloring with paint.NET this year. Please, if you print & solve or them on your phone, PC, or tablet… share the solution! You can share it here in the comments, or tag me on Instagram, Twitter, or whatever social media is popular nowadays. I generally try to grab @AiXeLsyD13 on all of them.

I have them in color, & in black & white.

Have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Have an Easy Fast for Yom Kippur, Happy Yule, Happy Solstice, Merry Yuletide, Ramadan Mubarak, Blessed Kwanzaa, Cathartic Festivus, or whatever holiday you celebrate!

Enjoy one of my Christmas Playlists to get you in the mood while you’re trying to solve these mazes, or share yours with me! Check out my other mazes if you’re ready for more! You can work on these while dinner is cooking, or tonight while youre trying to get to sleep & waiting for Santa!

I’ll be making my Decadent Cheesy Scalloped Potatoes tomorrow, but the White Trash ‘Taters would be just as good. Ham with gravy, green bean casserole, & brussels sprouts are also on the menu!

Green Potatoes 2: Return of the Glycoalkaloids🥔

Posted on by Standard 11

We’ve established that I’m odd, right? If you have read much here, you know that I like to write emails or letters that blur the line between reality and insanity. Sometimes it’s a real-ish request. I’m using ridiculousness to call attention to a situation.

Did you see the last potato related post? Short version: I’m tired of getting green potatoes. What can we do to stop it?

I’ve started to reach out via emails, contact submissions forms, and even Facebook Messenger to some potato farms & stores.

This time, I attached some mazes though. 🤣

Why? Why not?

Here’s pretty much what they all got…

Salutations Spud Specialists,

I hope this email finds you well.  Living up to stereotypes, my Irish ancestors would be proud at my levels of potato consumption.  I’ll eat them just about any way they can be cooked.  Keel me over with carbs, please.  

I have noticed a trend with potatoes over the last few years and it really has my mind reeling with questions.  You are not alone.  This applies to nearly every [expletive removed for politeness’ sake] bag of potatoes I have bought in the last year, no matter the source.  I typically get a ridiculous amount of green potatoes in each and every bag I purchase.  The other day, I opened the bag which was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.  That 5 lb. bag contained eight potatoes which I planned to bake, and two were green all over the outside and thus unsuitable for baking.  Could I skin & fry or boil or mash them?  Sure.  The vitamins and taste are in the skin though… as I’m sure you are aware.  I even like to leave some of the skin in when making mashed potatoes.

The green skin & portion just under is poisonous, no?  If I understand correctly, light reacts with the skin to turn it green via chlorophyll & photosynthesis, producing solanine & chaconine.  Glycoalkaloids can be dangerous.

The Healthline website states that:

  •  “Studies have estimated that peeling a potato at home removes at least 30% of its toxic plant compounds. However, that still leaves up to 70% of the compounds in the flesh.”

I feel like if ¼ of every bag of potatoes I buy is unsuitable for consumption and I’m playing by the pound, there ought to be some rebate or relief.  I have started & will continue to reach out to all of the producers of bags of potatoes that I buy from now on with similar inquiries.

Did you all fire your potato inspectors at the farm or the processing or packaging plants?  Do you have a machine that needs fine-tuned?  Are you willfully and knowingly shipping toxic tubers?  I understand that they may be exposed to light, heat, or longer than ideal conditions while shipping from you to the grocery store.  Are they in trucks or warehouses too long?  Could the bags have better ultraviolet protection? 

The cost of everything is going up, and I understand that… but I can’t accept lowering quality standards at the same time.  Can I reach out to your shipping partners, logistics, warehouses, and the grocers? 

I confess I am not brand loyal to any potato conglomerate.  I purchase potatoes at Aldi, Giant Eagle, Walmart, Target, BJ’s, Shop ‘n Save, or wherever may have the best price or be the most convenient.  Sometimes Instacart purchases for us, and I guess I’ll need to follow up there about the selection of green potatoes.  Sometimes it’s not evident until the entire bag is home.

I hope you had a restful and prosperous Thanksgiving.  I stuffed myself with fresh delicious mashed potatoes… my secret ingredients are turkey broth and buttermilk!  

I look forward to your thoughts on this green ‘tater epidemic.  How can we move forward into a ripe yet not overripe future?

You’ve got ap-peel for real,
-Eric

aixelsyd13.wordpress.com

Which is just edited text from the last one.

I hope they enjoy the mazes. I hope you reach out too. I’ll post replies as I receive them.

Ham, Green Bean, n’ ‘Tater Stew :|: The Recipe

Posted on by Standard 5

So, I have blogged about it before, but that was more just the method. This time I actually measured stuff. Usually I just eyeball a bag of fresh green beans if they look good. Still don’t have a good name for it. Ham, Green Beans, & Potatoes? Ham , Beans, n’ Taters? Grandma’s Special? Daddy’s Favorite? Is it a soup or a stew? It’s delicious is what it is. I generally make enough to have a stunningly large amount of leftovers. I always try to get the ham bone, this time my son & I each got one. He’s a copycat.

A collage - Ham, green bean, and potato stew (soup?) in a spoon on the top left, the soup in a bowl on the bottom left, and the whole right side is a screenshot of a text from my daughter with a bowl full of ham cubes... saying that the soup would have been perfect without the green beans or potatoes. 🤦‍♂️
Soup – In the spoon & soup in the bowl – and the post dinner text from my 9yo after she said there were too many beans and potatoes. 🤦‍♂️

Ingredients…

The “to taste” is just a few shakes usually. This recipe doesn’t really need any extra salt, so if I have a salt-free blend like Mrs. Dash or the Aldi equivalent, I use that. The bullion is according to directions, I think I measured it out right. I added too much water this time, but I think this measurement is still right. The beef & chicken bullion cubes and even the beer are completely unnecessary, but I feel like it adds a little to the broth. I use a big stock pot with a lid, and an 8-cup measuring cup for the big stuff.

  1. Put your liquids & spices in the pot, put it on to boil, but don’t quite dime the knob.
  2. Cube your ham, dump it in the pot.
  3. Cube your potatoes (don’t peel them!), dump ’em in the pot.
  4. Snap ends off your beans if you have any sus ones, snap them in to bite-size pieces if you want. Or chop them. Or don’t. Dump ’em in the pot.
  5. Boil for 20 minutes.
  6. Simmer for 20 minutes or even longer if you want. Let it cook down & get tasty.
  7. Don’t taste it too early while it is hot and burn your tongue every time, because I definitely do not do that.
  8. Serving suggestion – Serve it up with homemade bread (or store bought fresh baked) and butter.

Obviously, wash the beans & potatoes first. I think I broke down what you need & more details on the method the first time I wrote about this soup (stew?). I use fresh produce beans most often, but the bags are quick & easy to measure. This is also good with leftover ham from a holiday meal.

I like soups, I make them a lot. Well, I make them sometimes, when I have time. If you like this one, check these out:

Spalding Responds. Sort of.

Posted on by Standard Reply

I mean, at least they pretended to care. My review finally went live on Amazon. Wonder if anyone will find it helpful?

Got this seemingly automatically generated super polite “thanks, but go [fornicate] yourself” email:

Politely worded, no further need for follow up on their end. Bravo.

I also reached out via FB Messenger and DM on Twitter. Got this through Facebook, nothing from Twitter:

Shenanigans abound.