This is one of many reasons why Turner’s is awesome…


Turner Dairy Farms rules.  Turner’s Iced Tea slays Galliker’s, Coteryahn’s, United, Schneider’s, or any other crappy brands you may try to throw into the mix.  Turner’s is also an incredible company.  Need proof?

There's only one tea in Pittsburgh.

...Dig?

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/169160575132241920

https://twitter.com/#!/TurnersPremiumT/status/169447359351242752

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/169450238686400513

https://twitter.com/#!/TurnersPremiumT/status/169453280408248321

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/169473361628504064

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/169473643062104064

This is what I got in my email:

From: Nicholas Yon <Nicholas@turnerdairy.net>
Date: Tue, Feb 14, 2012 at 11:08 AM
Subject: Turner Dairy Farms
To: Eric <me@my.email.address>, world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

Eric,

Thank you for the reaching out via twitter regarding your recent diagnosis with GERD.  Thank you also for tweeting us (and about us) often and your continued support of Turner’s products.  I hope you’re still enjoying our Charlie’s Old Time Buttermilk when you can make it to the Brentwood GE and have had a chance to try our Blue Bug Juice.

 Listed below are the caffeine contents of our premium iced tea products.  It doesn’t look like there’s any that have no lemon/citrus and/or no caffeine.  Depending on your threshold for the amount of caffeine you’re allowed our Green Tea might work because it’s sans lemon and has “low” caffeine.  It does however contain citric acid.  Our Southern Style Sweet Tea and premium flavored teas, while having no lemon, have a higher amount of caffeine per serving.  They also contain citric acid.

 Thanks again for the “tweet.”  Have a great afternoon!

 Premium Iced Tea – 26mg-39mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving.

Diet Iced Tea – 25mg-38mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

Diet Decaffeinated Iced Tea – < 5mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

Peach Iced Tea – 24mg-35mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

Diet Peach Iced Tea – 13mg-17mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

 Raspberry Iced Tea – 15mg-19mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

Lime Iced Tea 14mg-18mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

Orange Iced Tea – 13mg-20mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

Green Tea – 6mg-12mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

Diet Green Tea – 6mg-12mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

Southern Style Sweet Tea – 28mg-41mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

Nicholas Yon

Marketing Director

Turner Dairy Farms

www.turnerdairy.net

From Local Farms to Local Families

Follow on Twitter www.twitter.com/TurnersPremiumT

Facebook: www.facebook.com/TurnerDairyFarms

Nicholas is the man.  Armed with this, I can go to the Gastroenterologist and figure out exactly what I can drink & how much.  Now, if only all Giant Eagle locations would carry Turner’s & not just the rebels in Brentwood & Murrysville, and Rite Aid would carry more than the regular tea & the chip dip… we’d be rockin’ hard.

G.E.R.D. is fun.  If by fun, I mean “an incredible pain in the dietary ass.”

Again, this is why I want Giant Eagle & Market District to carry Turner’s, why I dig the Tea-Bird, why I want a Turner’s guitar, and why I dig bug juice.

Downfall from Do(ugh)nut Domination


I’ve been getting emails from Krispy Kreme reminding me to come buy & eat some doughnuts.  The only problem is that there aren’t any Krispy Kremes around where I can go buy said doughnuts.  Much like Quiznos, they seem to have parted ways with our area.  I decided to write to them and see what happened.

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Feb 10, 2012
Subject: So, what happened?
To: JBryant@krispykreme.com; hotlight@krispykreme.com; contact@krispykreme.com; lwatson@krispykreme.com; webmaster@krispykreme.com; jmorgan@krispykreme.com; friends@krispykreme.com; krispykreme@casupport.com

Greetings Doughnut Despots,

I’m writing to ask you what happened.  Occasionally I get an email reminding me to visit a Krispy Kreme, and I think to myself “yeah, that’s a good idea.”  Sadly, there are no Krispy Kremes around any more.  I remember the stir of excitement when you first came to the area many years ago.  I believe it was even a news story… “Pittsburgh is getting Krispy Kreme!”  The fervor for hot fresh donuts was palpable.  The neon sign beckoning me in for a visit worked on several occasions when I wasn’t even craving donuts.  I’d generally come in to buy a Boston cream donut & an iced tea or chocolate milk… all because of that glowing invitation.  I always loved the retro decor, the smell, and the ability to see the magical doughnut making process.  You quickly dispatched with local competition.  Dunkin Donuts most decidedly took a hit, and you wiped out some of the local weird places like Donut Connetcion and Mister Donut.

Then, you pulled out like an occupying force ordered home.  There’s hardly a trace of Krispy Kreme left in Southwestern Pennsylvania.  I’ve noticed a lot of area locations like Greensburg, Pleasant Hills, and Monroeville are now Chick-fil-A restaurants, and a still-empty Krispy Kreme building sits as a shell of sadness in Robinson Township.  I remember the “remodeling / be back soon” sign hung for years before someone just gave up.  I mean, I absolutely love all the full service Chick-fil-A locations, but I also like hot fresh donuts every once in a while.  You used to be in several Sheetz locations, but now I think they mostly receive their donuts from somewhere else.  Plus, they’re not exactly hot n’ fresh there.

Remaining on your email list has become simply receiving an occasional taunt for something I can’t have.  Perhaps I should unsubscribe?

Dunkin Donuts seems to be making a rebound, and I must confess that I find their Boston cream (Boston creme?) offering to be a much fuller, larger, and more satisfying confectionery treat.  But, they don’t lure me in with a hot fresh free delicious donut, and I can’t watch them being made.  (Is it doughnut, or donut?)  There’s also a killer “mom n’ pop” donut shop that’s a bit of a hike for me, but worth the trip… Big Daddy’s Donuts.

The truth is… I miss you, Krispy Kreme.  Do you have plans to come back to the area with hot fresh goodness?  Are you going to make me drive all the way to Washington county to get a doughnut & take a chance on the hot light being on?  Why did all of the area locations shut down?  Were you muscled out by local donut barons?  Did too many yinzers line up for free doughnuts and not actually buy anything?  Did Sheetz want too much too soon?  Did people go on diets or realize that too many donuts are a bad thing?  Was you plan all along to wipe out local donut shops and leave the area starved of donuts because of the high geographical rate of diabetes, thus ensuring better health for the population of the Pittsburgh area?  I need (and feel that I deserve) some answers, my friends.  What happened?  Please don’t brush me off with the standard, “it’s not you, it’s us.”  I need some concrete reasons.

Thank you for your time, I hope you’re doing well.  I’m sure you’re as hot n’ fresh as always… just not for me.

Hungrily Yours,
-Waldo Lunar

I also had a Twitter exchange of sorts, but it was all DM’s on their end…

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/169099779022921729

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/169100223275208704

They said:

@krispykreme | Please send us your email address and we’ll contact you.

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/169127252334878722

They said:

@krispykreme | Thanks again for passing along your email address. You can also email us hotlight@krispykreme.com.

Then I DM’ed

@W_a_L_D | Thank you! Rock n’ roll! Looking forward to a reply.

And tweeted…

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/169135815472070656

Heh.

Eventually, I received an emailed reply…

From: <krispykreme@casupport.com>
Date: Mon, Feb 13, 2012
Subject: Case #1099627
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

Dear Mr. Lunar,

Thank you for your email regarding wanting a Krispy Kreme in the southwestern Pennsylvania area. We appreciate the opportunity to assist you. We, here at Krispy Kreme, always love to hear from our customers and it is great to hear that you enjoy our products!  We would like to take this time to thank you for taking the time to share your comments.

There are many reasons why stores close. Generally speaking, the franchisee decides to pursue other business ventures. We have shared your concerns and requests with our operations department for review.

Please be assured that we are working hard to open new stores and continue expanding throughout the United States and Canada. For your convenience, new store locations and details are also available on our website at www.KrispyKreme.com.  The site is regularly updated with information as soon as it becomes available.

Best regards,
Lyndon Palmer
Krispy Kreme Customer Experience
www.krispykreme.com

Krispy Kreme glazed donuts.

Doughnuts or Donuts?

I’m still left wondering if “Donut” is a bastardization, like “Late Nite” instead of “Late Night” or “Drive-Thru” instead of “Drive-Through.  If so, why spell doughnut correctly while blatantly (and borderline offensively) misspelling Crispy and Cream with K’s?  (I mean, add one more K in there…)  While we’re at it, is it Creme or Cream?  Are they the same, or different things?  And, isn’t the filling just pudding or is it custard? 

They declined to comment on the wiping out & eventual rebound of their spelling-handicapped competition.  Perhaps a classy move.  Dunkin’ Donuts never replied to that tweet, either.

HOT NOW

You know you want some doughnuts. Come get them. Eat the free one, then buy some more. It's hot, well... warm, and fresh... and you can see some being made. Man, you're hungry for doughnuts.

I don’t believe that Franchisees simply chose to “pursue other business ventures.”  You don’t quit if you’re making money.  You don’t all dry up if there is demand for your product and you’re selling it at a reasonable price.  I find it funny (odd funny not “ha ha” funny) that a lot of the old Krispy Kreme buildings became Chick-fil-A’s.

In fact, I’m not sure if they answered any of my questions directly.  Should I perhaps write back?

Also, tell me in the comments where you get your donuts!  Am I missing some great local shops?  Who has the best donuts?  What’s your favorite donut?  Is it “donut” or “doughnut”?  Let’s talk all things do(ugh)nuts in the comments!

Subway, Quiznos, Taco Bell, W.G. Grinder’s, & Sheetz take note…


https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/169103504059797506

https://twitter.com/#!/FirehouseSubs/status/169104530632474624

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/169104935043088385

Firehouse Subs, you’re awesome.  I’m just sayin’.

Other food places with no shellfish currently on the menu, pay attention here too.  You don’t need shellfish.

Places that have added it over the years, preventing me from going back…

Other places that don’t need to add it to the menu…

Got that?  Good.

Also, what ever happened to Roly Poly & Schlotzsky’s?  They were excellent shellfish-free places to dine.  Come back!  Also, we need McCalister’s Deli and Lion’s Choice to remain shellfish free and move to the ‘Burgh.  Maybe even Jack in the Box too.

To the rest of you, let’s stop these damn seafood lent specials.  Let the business go to Red Lobster, Joe’s Crab Shack, Long John Silver’s‘, VFD fish fry events, and Monterey Bay.  If you don’t normally do shellfish, stay away from it.  Please?  I ask of behalf of the seafood allergic and those who choose to eat kosher.

Firehouse Subs

Firehouse Subs - my new food heroes.

Twitter fun with Qdoba…


https://twitter.com/#!/4GQdoba/status/168050712926896128

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/168051715512352768

https://twitter.com/#!/4GQdoba/status/168054923727081472

https://twitter.com/#!/4GQdoba/status/168055105042657282

So that’s where they all went…


Well, Quiznos never wrote back, but a QSRweb representative did.  Apparently Quiznos is embarrassed or perhaps angered by my request.  At the very least, they’re obviously not amused.  Poor customer service, indeed.  Perhaps they picked up a flippant tone to my original email?

Oh yeah, you probably need to read this to know what I’m talking about:  ♩♫ Where have all the Quiznos gone? ♬♪

Alicia of QSRweb.com provided some insight:

From: Alicia Kelso <aliciak@networldalliance.com>
Date: Tue, Feb 7, 2012
Subject: RE: Wendy’s accelerates store reimaging, undergoes employee ‘reboot’
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

Good afternoon, Waldo.

Per your inquiry about Quiznos and its anemic presence. That is, indeed, purposeful. The company has been restructuring – teetering on Chapter 11 – for the past year, year and a half.

In the process, it named new members to the executive team and closed its underperforming shops. However, the company has embarked upon a turnaround effort – new marketing, new international markets. Don’t count it out just yet.

You may start to see Quiznos popping up again within the next couple of years.

Thanks for reaching out. Hope this helps.

Alicia Kelso

Editor

QSRweb.com & PizzaMarketplace.com

aliciak@networldalliance.com; 502-241-7545, ext. 147

NetWorld Alliance

13100 Eastpoint Park Blvd. | Louisville, KY 40223

Phone: 502-241-7545 Ext. 124 | 1-877-441-7545 | Fax: 502-241-1385 | Cell 419-250-7509

MEDIA

MobilePaymentsToday.com | ATMmarketplace.com | KioskMarketplace.com | SelfServiceWorld.com | DigitalSignageToday.com |
RetailCustomerExperience.com | ProudGreenHome.com |
FastCasual.comPizzaMarketplace.com | QSRweb.com | ChurchCentral.com

EVENTS

Fast Casual Executive Summit | Pizza Executive Summit | Retail Customer Experience Executive Summit

Associations
Member of the Digital Screenmedia Association | Member of the Fast Casual Industry Council


From: Diana Sexson [mailto:dianas@networldalliance.com]
Sent: Thursday, February 02, 2012 4:29 PM
To: aliciak@networldalliance.com
Subject: FW: Wendy’s accelerates store reimaging, undergoes employee ‘reboot’

Well, so there’s that.  Chapter 11 can’t be a good thing.  So, that’s why all those local stores closed.  How can they not make money?  People need to eat.  People like sandwiches.  Make the sandwiches well, and people will eat there.  Seems simple.

Still waiting for an official answer from Quiznos.  Perhaps they’d like to defend this position.  I have a feeling I’ll never get one.

♩♫ Where have all the Quiznos gone? ♬♪


Some people are no fun.  Quiznos pretty much refuses to write back to this:

Salutations Sandwich Sultans!

♩♫ Where have all the Quiznos gone? ♬♪  (I imagined that in my head as sung like that “Where Have all the Cowboys Gone” song from the 90’s. – Hopefully you did too!)

I live in & around Pittsburgh PA, and all the Quiznos locations seem to have dried up.  At one point we were over-saturated, then poof!  They were all gone.

What happened?  Was it too easy to open a Quiznos?  Are they deceptively hard to run for a profit?  Is it hard to find good workers?  Certainly you have a better product than Subway and there aren’t many Jimmy John’s, Jersey Mike’s, or Firehouse Subs in the area (yet).

I ask only because I keep receiving emails asking me to come eat at Quiznos… yet there aren’t any near where I live or work, thus eliminating weekday lunch or dinner visits.  This doesn’t discount weekends, but I also don’t find myself near any Quiznos locations when I’m out & about.

This brings me back to by original query; ♩♫ Where have all the Quiznos gone? ♬♪  (Did you hear it this time?)

Inquisitively,
-Waldo

Quiznos

♩♫ Where have all the Quiznos gone? ♬♪

Really, what happened?  That’s all I want to know.  They are actual legitimate (if slightly embarrassing) questions.

I’ve submitted this to their contact form, and haven’t received a reply.  I sent it to some email addresses I had for Quiznos employees, and it bounced back.

They didn’t really answer well via Twitter, as they couldn’t get my whole letter:

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/162938645433688064

https://twitter.com/#!/Quiznos/status/162940367585546240

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/164450783432155136

…and no reply to that last one.  So, I tweeted at a Quiznos that responded with a valid corporate email address…

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/164794357063487490

https://twitter.com/#!/QuiznosRSM/status/164936161679257600

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/165059805118083072

https://twitter.com/#!/QuiznosRSM/status/165117413602496512

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/165164293313150976

…and I got an error message that bounced back saying the following:

Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently:

helpdesk@myquiznos.com

Technical details of permanent failure:
Google tried to deliver your message, but it was rejected by the recipient domain. We recommend contacting the other email provider for further information about the cause of this error. The error that the other server returned was: 550 550 5.7.1 <helpdesk@myquiznos.com>: Relay access denied. (state 14).

Weird.  That message (according to a quick Google search) sort of tells me I’ve been marked as spam.  I tired sending from a different email address, but got the same thing.  I may have to print & mail this one.  I wonder if even that will garner a response?

And, I liked Quiznos…

Blurt | That Was Wrong, But Why Was She Eating At Papa John’s?


A great blog post about poor decisions regarding racism & pizza, from a great blogger:

Papa Wrong's

Papa Wrong's

Crop-dusting for disgusting cell-phone roaches.


This Facebook status seemed quite popular.  Thought I’d blog about it, and get some more input.  There are 2 points here that seem to universally annoy us…  People talking loudly (or at all) on cell phones in public places, and people that talk about disgusting things when you’re trying to eat.

So, I'm sitting at Chick-fil-A tonight, trying to enjoy some chicken nuggets and some chicken noodle soup... and some crazy Yinzer lady is about 4 booths away screaming into her cell phone, talking about infections, site-wounds, dialysis, and MRSA.  Besides it just being rude to be on your phone there in a public place...  Really? Everyone around is trying to eat. I wish I could pass gas on demand. I would have made several runs (pardon the pun) past her table.

So I'm sitting at Chick-fil-A...

The original text…

So, I’m sitting at Chick-fil-A tonight, trying to enjoy some chicken nuggets and some chicken noodle soup… and some crazy Yinzer lady is about 4 booths away screaming into her cell phone, talking about infections, site-wounds, dialysis, and MRSA.

Besides it just being rude to be on your phone there in a public place

Really? Everyone around is trying to eat. I wish I could pass gas on demand. I would have made several runs (pardon the pun) past her table.

Pus oozing from an abscess caused by bacteria—...

Image via Wikipedia

Click the pic above to magnify the first wave of comments, and if you want check out this old post for reference: Excuse me, I’m eating.

So, what’s your take on disgusting topics during meals, public cell phone users, and the unholy intersection of the two?

Chick Fil A 8pc Nuggets

Image by j.reed via Flickr

Boston Market ups the pressure… (a.k.a. What now, Panera Bread?)


Insanity.

http://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/136910586947715072

That’s right.  Boston Market not only reached out via my contact form thanks to Facebook, but also had the cojones to do this…

Boston Market RT!

Boston Market RT!

I still haven’t received a reply to my email to Mr. Wakabayashi, but what now Panera Bread? What now?  Clearly, this will pan out to be a bigger rivalry than Neil Young vs. Skynrd, or East Coast Rap vs. West Coast Rap.  Maybe even bigger than me vs. the people that think I’m McDonald’s (At Least Mr. Wakabayashi used my contact form correctly!)

http://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/137169033266077696

http://twitter.com/#!/bostonmarket/status/137212008138424321

If you have no idea what’s going on, or if you work for Panera Bread.  You can catch up here…

In other news, did you know that they both cater?  I wish someone would have told me.

Panera Bread (Scott Twp. Greentree Road) on UrbanspoonI actually stopped at the local Panera the other night because the wife was sick and wanted some of that cheese-broccoli soup.  I went in to get some to go, and got myself a half of a turkey sandwich and a cup of the chicken noodle.

The employee (a young girl, of course) at the counter was quite friendly, asked if I wanted lettuce tomato or onion on the sandwich, and even asked if I wanted mustard and/or mayo.  Clearly, someone went over new procedures.  Sadly, I asked for lettuce & tomato… and got neither, but I did get mustard and mayo.  I applaud the effort, and shame on me for not checking before I left the store.

I have to say, after my initial complaint, they have totally stepped it up service-wise.  I still call shenanigans on the new soup.  They ought to let sales do the talking… OFFER BOTH.  It’s certainly a popular item.  Let the consumers decide if they want a great-tasting soup… or the crappy flat-noodled healthy soup.  Clearly, as a leader in the Fast Casual industry, you can afford to test the proverbial waters?  I think more changes have been made, but it’s still not the old soup.  Shenanigans.

Also, I counted 3 signs within  a span of about 8 feet on the counter where you wait for your order advertising the catering… and the pop machine still does it too.  I think the receipt may have even said something about it.

I spend far too much time contemplating fast food & fast casual dining.  If only I could save time buy purchasing already prepared meals.  Does anyone out there do that?

New Catering Advertisement Opportunities! (for Boston Market & Panera Bread)


I’m just sayin’.

Panera Bread  - vs. -  Boston Market

Panera Bread - vs. - Boston Market

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Nov 4, 2011
Subject: New Catering Advertisement Opportunities!
To: & Cc:  A bunch of Panera & Boston Market Employees

Hello friends at Boston Market & Panera Bread,

I assume that the lack of response to my last email about an all-out catering battle at my house was ill-received.  I didn’t get any interest from either camp, or even any kind of acknowledgement of my email.  Not even a coupon.  Isn’t that the typical response?  “Throw ’em a coupon!”  Color me disappointed.

No reply is rather rude, don’t you think?  Batman movie night has come & gone.  We dutifully provided a favorable dining experience to our guests thanks to an incredible local pizza shop.  Roasted red peppers as a pizza topping?  A hit all around, I tell you!  Subs with a homemade feel cut in to bite-size appetizers were also quite delicious.

I’m not sure why neither Panera Bread or Boston Market was willing to enter my catering battle royale.  It would have been an exciting opportunity for both of you.  I realize now… that you need help with forward thinking.  You missed this opportunity to advertise your catering and fight for my dollar.

I believe that I may have come around to your way of thinking.  Perhaps I need to fight for your dollar.  I previously saw advertisements on the pop machine and all over the windows as borderline obscene… but why stop at the border, friends?  Let’s trample the border, deface it on our way through, and not look back!  I have some ideas that you may find attractive.  I really look forward to your feedback.  (Don’t give me any shenanigans about unsolicited ideas and what-not, we’re all friends here.)

  • Advertising on the napkins.  You already do it on the receipts, walls, & windows.  Subway uses their napkins for nutrition information.  Show them up, advertise!  Think of all that clean wasted ad space ripe for the slinging of your delicious wares.  Were one ambitious, this could extend to the “to go” sandwich wrappings, the fancy new plates that you’re both using, and even the trays.  Hell, why not the drink cups?
  • Guerrilla advertising. You could have employees go into your parking lot at regular intervals, and put flyers under the windshield wipers of cars.  If you really wanna get crazy, try bumper stickers!  People would love decorations on their autos.
  • Me.  Send me a T-shirt that advertises your catering services.  I play in a band.  I’ll wear it to shows.  The throngs of bar patrons who rock out with me on a regular basis will be sure to flock to the nearest Panera Bread or Boston Market location.  I might be able to convince my band-mates to do the same.  If we’d like to get really crazy, may I offer to sell my forehead as a billboard?
  • Paystubs.  Your employees get paid right?  Get that money back!  Advertise your catering services on their pay-stubs, and any communications that you need to send.  There’s room on that W2 envelope for a 10% off catering coupon.
  • Right on the food itself.  This is the one that excites me the most!  You’ve seen the toasters that produce an image of Darth Vader, and the irons that brand your initials on to a steak, right?  There are also printers that print right on things like rice paper & cakes.  Why not take advantage of this technology?  Think about it.  Full color printing on wraps?  Toasty images on buns, bread, & bagels?  Delicious meat branded with confidence, demanding that you pick up a catering menu.  It’s never been done.  It’s opulent.  It’s genius.  (If I do say so myself.)

So, what do you think?  Can I help in this new advertising adventure?  These are the next steps in the evolution of promulgation.  Let’s move onward and upward, into uncharted catering promotional territory.  It will be an onslaught to the senses, and an influx in revenue for all involved.  I’m excited for this venture, and especially excited to get some feedback from everyone involved.

Excelsoir!
-Waldo Lunar
[ -YOUR AD COULD BE HERE- ]

incessant emails / incessant advertising

incessant emails / incessant advertising

Further Reading: