I love Yinz newscasters…
http://twitter.com/#!/WPXIScott/status/104649492908875776
http://twitter.com/#!/AiXeLsyD13/status/104649783972597760
http://twitter.com/#!/WPXIScott/status/104650184226639872
http://twitter.com/#!/WPXIScott/status/104650840765247488
http://twitter.com/#!/AiXeLsyD13/status/104650558513745921
http://twitter.com/#!/PittsburghNews4/status/104651986217086976
http://twitter.com/#!/astockey/status/104650086373531649
…not that they’re sensationalizing or anything.
I recently had some correspondence with Panera Bread (The Great Panera Bread Swindle & Panera responds to my insanity, so I write back…), and I still have no reply to my last email. I assume they think I’m an idiot and will not continue any further correspondence. The experience reminded me of being bombarded with catering advertisements when I’m already at a restaurant. I called out a few other places, but Boston Market does the same thing with the catering barrage. I have a long history with them & letters, pre-dating my WordPress blogging days even.
At any rate, it struck me that they both seem to be fighting (or at least nagging) for catering business. If we’re already in the store, and signed up for your mailing lists… we probably know that you will cater if needed. How about focusing the catering advertising on local businesses around each location?
Or, I have a more interesting solution…
From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Aug 10, 2011
Subject: So, do you guys cater?
To: RCordova1@bost.com, isabella.contactus@panerabread.comCiao Colossal Catering Czars!
I can’t help but feel overwhelmed lately when I visit any of your fine establishments. I just go there to get a meal, but you have mercilessly force-fed your catering services to me and throngs of other customers in the form of signage on the wall, window-clings, pamphlets, menus, table signage, place-mats, tweets, & emails. I get it. I feel like I’m in a giant commercial every time I walk into one of your previously welcoming establishments. (Bob Evans is highly annoying with the take-out mantra too, but they’re not quite as relentless in their efforts.) I applaud your tenacity, Panera Bread and Boston Market. Despite your valiant and exasperating efforts, I have not yet used either of you to fill my catering needs. In fact, I don’t have any catering needs. I’m able to make a sandwich spread, some soup, a salad, & even prepare a holiday meal… all for less money than what you can offer, and it has the added bonus of being homemade.
Your incessant plugging of your catering service smacks of so much desperation, that it struck me with an idea. You’re both figuratively fighting for my dollar, why not an actual fight for my dollar? I’m not suggesting fisticuffs, although your frequency of mentioning catering services suggest that you may indeed jump right in. I’m suggesting you each prepare a meal for a party, and I will only pay the not-quite-fast-food chain that makes the best meal. Fight for my dollar! Sorry, I can’t really contain my excitement at the prospect of such a tournament. I bet we could get a reality TV show in on this. If not, I could certainly get someone with a digital camera, and we could post the contest & the results on YouTube. I’m sure it would go viral. Can you imagine the bragging rights?
The judges would be those in attendance to my party. You can certainly do your own background checks and interviews to ensure no partiality or preconceived bias. I can even leave myself out of the proceedings, as I find you both equally annoying with the catering propaganda. I could write up a review/summary at the end of the experience. The only thing you would have to lose is the cost of catering a small party… but the potential to gain respect and more advertising for your catering services. I’m enabling you, my friends. I can feel the hunger dwelling deep within you.
I can assure you of my impartiality, as I have hosted several Chili Cook-off events at my home, and have photos to prove it. I can provide you with copies of our ballots to show our proficiency in scoring food vs. food on several points. We would of course have to devise a system to compare the proverbial Boston Market apples to Panera Bread oranges, but you can trust my ingenuity on the matter, and can employ a crack team of analysts.
This would be epic, my friends. Imagine being a pioneer in this type of event! What would be next? Qdoba vs. the Honey Baked Ham Co.? The KFC bucket vs. your local grocery store’s prepared foods? If you don’t like my idea, I may sign you up for my mailing list under the guise of getting coupons for my awesome letter-writing and ingenious idea services… only to solicit and re-solicit this very idea ad nasueam. Using your own logic, you will have no choice but to comply!
Or, you could just have your CEO’s arrange a fist-fight in some parking lot, and I’ll literally give the winner a dollar.
Thank you for your time, I really hope that you give my idea serious consideration. I will be ready when you say yes to the event. We can work out the event and the details quite easily. I actually have a “Batman movie night” coming up, and it would be great to cater that. (Although, my wife may be making some Batman logo cookies… but we’ll make sure no one can vote for her catering services, she would most likely win hands-down with Batman cookies at a Batman movie party.)
May the best chain win!
-ERiC AiXeLsyD
Vaunted food contest professional.
Panera wrote back first…
Date: Wed, Aug 10, 2011
Subject: RE: Contact Us [Something not on this list] — MESSAGEID(288118)
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.comDear Waldo,
Thank you for taking the time to contact Panera Bread. We are sorry to hear about your disappointment with our catering advertising. The current promotion is simply one way to let our catering customers know that the option is available. We always strive to provide a wonderful meal, great service and a welcoming environment for our all our customers and hope that you will continue to enjoy Panera Bread. I will let our Marketing decision makers know how you feel, so that your opinion will be considered.
Thanks again for contacting us. We appreciate your business and value your comments.
Sincerely,
Isabella
Customer Comment Coordinator
Oh yeah, Waldo? With Google+ getting all crazy & stuff, I didn’t want to merge my “regular” Gmail address with the fake one, so I change the W(aL)D email name to Waldo Lunar. So, my email comes as Waldo Lunar, but I still signed it “Eric AiXeLsyD”.
From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, Aug 11, 2011
Subject: Re: Contact Us [Something not on this list] — MESSAGEID(288118)
To: Isabella <isabella.contactus@panerabread.com>Thanks Isabella,
I’m glad that you understand my frustration at being pummeled with advertising, and that you’re willing to pass the sentiment along to the appropriate parties. I applaud you for your efforts, and the swiftness with which you replied! I’m on the fence with Panera bread due to this whole “holding the dressing” thing, and the “healthy” chicken noodle soup debacle. I mean, those homemade-looking noodles were awesome. The little square things lying sparsely in the greasy broth are sad little stabs into my heart. Perhaps I must move on to the broccoli soup.
Has anyone else written to you in regards to the barrage of advertising? More importantly — Is Panera interested in the catering “battle royale” that I proposed? If we can get Boston Market on board, I think this will be a stellar time. You were much more expeditious with your reply. I trust that you believe in your brand/product enough to put it to the test? I can try to get some TV people on board once I get confirmation from the principal parties. I’m sure you can see from my first email that I’ve already put much thought into the logistics. The prospect of it all has me quite excited.
Thank you once again for your time and diligent response. Have a great day, and I hope to hear from you again soon!
Hungry,
-ERiC AiXeLsyD
Vaunted food contest professional.
I sort of got a response from Boston Market…
From: <sbrooks1@bost.com>
Date: Thu, Aug 11, 2011
Subject: Boston Market suggestion response
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.comGood Afternoon
Thank you for submitting your suggestion to our catering department. We certainly appreciate the time you took to write and do value all customer feedback. Upon receipt of this information, I will create a report and forward your comments to the Market Leader for your region and our Marketing Department for consideration.
Again thank you for your feedback
Syrenia Brooks
Guest Contact Center Specialist
Huh? I smell a standard “please don’t bother us” email here. I still think my idea has merit, and I want a catering throw-down. Think I can push it any further? I’ll certainly try.
Image by -ant! via Flickr
I’ve lived in the same apartment for many years. My wife has lived there with me for most of that time. I’ve seen several neighbors come & go from the apartment upstairs… but they all make noise. Not just “normal” people walking around noise, but crazy “what the hell are they doing up there?” kind of noise.
The latest tenants are very quiet to see them outside, but at home in their own domain, they are noise monsters.
This is a list of things that I’m absolutely sure they’re doing if I’m to guess by sound alone:
I’m sure there’s more going on. This is only the tip of the iceberg. Sometimes I’m hurt that we’re not invited to join in on the incredibly fun-sounding activities. I could be wrong, but I doubt it.
It makes it interesting when this stuff occurs at 11:00pm, especially the stairwell activities… because their staircase goes right over top of our bed.
Anyone want to help me set up some cameras?
Check this post out, and RECOGNIZE the pizza delivery dude.
He takes pride in his service.
via blogdramedy
Roger Tullgren, Metal Lord
So, have you heard about the dude from Sweden who gets a disability check for addiction to heavy metal?
This dude is awesome.
I’m not sure if he really feels that he’s helplessly addicted to metal, or if he’s yanking the Swedish government’s proverbial crank, or what… but dude is almost as metal as Lemmy for this insanity.
Is it a way to cheat the government? A publicity ploy for his bands? Does he really feel that his compulsion to attend shows, dress like a metal-head, and listen to loud music is more than just his preferred lifestyle?
I call shenanigans in that there are plenty of places to work where you can dress like a metal-head & listen to loud music. If there was such a thing as a record store any more, I’d suggest there… but what about a guitar store? Stoner coffee shop? A concert venue? A bar? On a road crew? The dish-washing thing reminds me of that Poison video…
That being said, if the government is dumb enough to dole out the money… Roger & his employer would be even dumber in not taking it. The question of their accommodation/compensation being akin to paying an Oxycontin addict for working in a pharmacy still remains, but oh well. At least we know for sure that Black Sabbath is a powerful & dangerous gateway drug into the heavy metal lifestyle.
Too much metal for one hand?
I’d watch a reality show or documentary about this cat. Even better, I’d like to see it turned into a movie… somewhere between Anvil! The Story of Anvil and Airheads. Imagine the hilarity that would ensue in 10-years worth of trying to get an addiction to metal recognized as a serious medical condition? Not to mention, a killer soundtrack! Are you paying attention Hollywood? We need this story before we need a Crow or Last Dragon remake. Sho’ nuff! If you need a writer, I’m all about it. I vote for Robert Downey Jr. or Johnny Depp in the lead role.
Also… can I get my money, Uncle Sam? I’ve been going to concerts for years, buying merchandise, buying merch from small bands on tour, losing money by playing in local bands, ferociously collecting bootlegs, B-sides, & rarities for my favorite bands to satiate that completest appetite. (Thanks RoadRunner for that US/Japan/UK bonus track crap where I buy the same album 3 times – and thanks Metallica for putting out 30 singles for each song with 17 demo/live b-sides.) I wear t-shirts with skulls on them, and used to have blue hair. I not only suffer form heavy metal addiction, but also a general punk rock addiction, spanning everything from horror punk to pop punk to street punk. There’s also my hard rock addiction, which I seem to be getting over. The bands with which I seem to have the biggest problem are…
…and all of their related bands; Guns ‘n’ Wankers, Billy No Mates, Hollywood Rose, Slash’s Snakepit, Velvet Revolver, Loaded, Danzig, Graves, Gotham Road, The Undead, …and I deserve some kind of metal for buying a Kryst The Conqueror album, Chinese Democracy, & St. Anger just to have “complete” collections.
Cover of Airheads
I’d love to see Roger’s playlist, CD/Record/Cassette Tape/VHS/8-Track/DVD/MiniDisc/BluRay/LaserDisc/Whatever collection… or his ticket-stub book if he’s got one. Who are his favorites? I need to know! I unfortunately am unable to check out that video linked-to from the Blabbermouth article. I think it may have crashed their site, or it’s a bad link?
So, what do you think? Is this guy super-awesome or super-lame? Is he a genius, or a loser? Is he some combo of all of the above?
Worst resume ever? Perhaps. It’s pretty funny though… so maybe if the writer can harness the chaos, it can be put to good use. I wish I could take credit for writing or even finding this, but I can’t. It comes from a note posted on Facebook by my good friend Mike. I asked him if I could steal it to share with a wider audience, and he agreed that it’s too good to not be shared.
So, grab a cup of coffee, and pretend you’re looking to hire someone…
[Mike’s forward: This comes from my pal at a local coffee shop. This kid came in and insisted on including this resume with his application. I have not edited it for content, spelling or punctuation aside from anything containing his personal info. Have fun!!]
Resume of, AUTHOR.
Address: (Something, Pittsburgh PA 15219.)
Best way to contact: E-Mail.(email@college.edu.)
Attending college at: (College.)
Major of study: (Graphic Design, moving up to Game & Art Design.)
Degree earning: (Bachelor’s Degree, “4 years.”)
Years done so far out of 4: (almost a full 2 years total.)
Skill’s & Talent’s, which PERSON can bring to this job offer, is as followed:
- I have both my Adobe & Microsoft skills.
- I wield the knowledge & understanding on, how to properly function these programs.
- I am computer smart & very good with organization.
- I am a hard worker & I get stuff done right the first time around.
- I am very well, at English & speaking.
- I understand details very quickly & fluently as well.
I take direction extremely well & work as hard as I can, in order to guarantee success at whatever it is I am presently doing.
- I am a team player & can be greatly independent upon my efforts put fourth in my work too.
- I can give great advice to fellow students, if I do not know an answer to a question I will first try to see if I can figure it out, or guide them to the correct person in position to answer their questions.
- I am passionate at everything I do, I never waste time I work first & leave the relaxing time for when it can be enjoyed without consequence.
Background & Job qualifications.
You are probably asking yourself:
- “Why should I consider hiring, this college student?
- What makes him, stand out more than any other college student. who may be applying?
- Does he have the ambition & determination, to follow through with this job position?
- Will he ever fail me, or let me down in anyway imaginable?
- Can he be trusted & reliable, to do this type of work?
” These are all very good questions & I can inform security, that I can honestly answer them all, both correctly & factually, while backing up everything I am about to explain with evidence. ”
- I feel you should consider my employment, cause I am a working type of person almost 95 percent of my time, my life is what I do, in this cause art & employment, I seem to never stop moving or working on something important, while others party with friends I am either figuring out life arrangements, school finances & study, or just creating neat art, cause that’s what I came to an art college for.
I believe what makes me stand out, is my never give up attitude, my spunky side which shines through as a bubbly personality, my humor can be a personality trait in particular settings, I naturally love people & always give my all & best to help them, I would give a homeless guy the remaining dollar in my wallet & I have done that a lot, so I just believe with every good employee, comes a caring strong individual. I am a determined student, with one option only, success. Failure is a given, but I never allow it, it will never be3 a option for me, if I want this dream career & lifestyle I have to want it, I have to live it & most importantly I have to fight for it full throttle. I brought my GPA up this quarter from a 1.7 now is at a peaking 2.4 /2.5 & there are still a few grades that need to placed in their, but I know how I did by communicating with my professors, it will at least be a 2.5 if anything. I can guarantee excellent & efficient work ethic, delivered daily without any questions ask. I am up for change, so if details in the work environment turn to the left or to the right I am on the ball & never respond negatively to a changed course or daily pattern. I am a Full-Time Student, at the COLLEGE, in the Graphic Design Program (Bachelors Degree.) I came for Game & art Design. though my art work from high school, passed in insanely well, my mathematics’ is what I am working on in order to move up & soon enough I will do just that.
Personal Cover Letter.
I am a very determined person. I believe in promotion, even where it seems, down right impossible. I believe anyone of us, can succeed at what we dream. It’s not where you come from, that makes who you are today, It is what you went through & how you handled it, in order to get to where you are today. I do not believe in using your pass negative experiences, as an alibi, nor do I agree with, failure being an option. I came from a rough life, beofre I became the young successful man I am today. I was the boy on the streets, the boy with no father or mother, nor anyone to love him. I came from Foster Cares, an endless amount & I went through life’s tragedies at an early age. Though my life was difficult, I still dreamed of a brighter tomorrow, with that said, I always said I BELIEVE. I never listened, when family & outsiders use to say, give up that’s a fairy tale dream-life it will never happened I still held my head high & believed, their must be more to this world Everyone can not simply be this horrid, their must be a better life, out there just waiting around the bend, sure enough after 17 to 18 years of my life, I found out that I was in fact very correct. There was a dream-life outside of tragedy & despair & that’s what I found today, for 2 years right out of high school I jumped on the college bandwagon & never stepped off since, still dealing with tragedies sure we always will, but I deal with them, get through them, the mature way, the professional way & I still do what my work & schooling expects of me.
I did have a part time job at the local Dunkin’ Donuts, but ran into, some scheduling details that weren’t that well explained in this case, every week was a new schedule & it began to confuse many employees working on the site. I worked as a very hard worker for a solid month, to the point that, the Assistant Manager taking over soon, said I wish I was in charge right now cause you would still be my employee, he apologized & said you the only one here who cleans, closes & runs this shop like a professional & to the book, like me, everyone else seems to slide on through & slack off, he said my apologize. This was very difficult it hurt very badly to where I cried a bit, I never been rejected in that fashion, so I think we all, get that wake up call, that proves to us even if your doing everything in your power to be the best employee, sometimes life still happens, all we can do is cry, move on & change for the better in the end I am also applying for 2 part times or one Full time position this quarter I have to find a place to live come September 1h & I expect to be okay, come fall something tells me I will. I guarantee, though I work part time, I will have more than enough time to work for you, this is without questioning, I would have never applied if I couldn’t bring the goods to the table, trust me. Many days I sit bored in a dorm silly, cause I don’t work that day or classes are finished, so I have all the time in the world I am a hard worker & I believe living life to it’s fullest, takes effort in order to receive it’s glory
Did he get the job? Please, share your thoughts! I’d also love to know how much of this was put through Google Translate. Think any of it was? I hope some of it was, anyway.
What’s your favorite line? There are so many good ones! This should replace the standard lourem ipsum.
Star Wars meets Toy Story (via HeatherBlog)
I WILL FIND THE DROIDS I'M LOOKING FOR
So awesome…
via HeatherBlog
OK, so in my blog about our trip to Pennsylvania Dutch country, I mentioned the Amish Village & their “interesting” tour guide. The more I thought about it, the more a few things struck me as odd, so I slightly altered my original post to include the questions that were asked by the people taking the tour & answers given by the guide… and then I did something goofy. I decided to contact the Amish Village to tell them about it. I sent them this using their webform:
> From: Eric <my.email@ddre.ss>
> Subject: Tour. Guide.
>
> Message Body:
> Hello,
>
> My wife & I were in the Lancaster area this past weekend celebrating our anniversary. You have a beautiful area, and an excellent attraction. I enjoyed a view of the Amish lifestyle, and the stores & displays on site. I did learn quite a lot about the use of propane for lighting, refrigeration, and retro-fitting things like electric mixers.
>
> You. might. want. to. audit. your. tour. guides. though.
>
> Confused? Me too: http://wp.me/pwqzc-Ap
>
> Just some things that I noticed that were contradictory to some other tours & info that we had heard…
>
> Thanks!
> -Eric
>
> —
> This mail is sent via contact form on Amish Village http://theamishvillage.net/dev
And this was their reply…
From: Shane Ackermann
To: Eric <my.email@ddre.ss>
Sent: Thursday, June 2, 2011 3:07 PM
Subject: Re: Tour. Guide.
Eric-Thanks for emailing. I’m glad you and your wife enjoyed Lancaster area. We work hard to please our customers and have a unique attraction, after all, you are our life-blood. I saw this blogspot earlier today via google alerts and have already spoken with our team. Must have been an off day, he is one of our best.
Again, thanks for the feedback and please let me know next time you are through the area.
All the best-
Shane Ackermann
The Amish Village
Owner
704-726-6957ps- great pictures. Would you mind posting them to our FB page? I just started it and it needs some customer pictures.
First of all, Google is awesome for picking up my blog with Google Alerts. Second, and more important… Mr. Ackermann is awesome for having them set up for his business, so he can actively keep up on any sort of press and/or online musings. It’s great to see someone actively using technology to keep up with their business & help get the word out. The ridiculously quick reply didn’t hurt either.
Check out their Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Amish-Village/217619698257614 (Maybe check out their Twitter page too!)
Hopefully I’ll be able to upload some photos for them in the next few days.
Again, I’d like to stress that it’s definitely a cool/fun place to visit. Just read up on the Amish first, & grill the tour guides when you’re there! Ha ha.
All I had typed of my last blog (I hate public bathrooms.) was this…
Well, I’m sure everyone does to a certain extent. I hate them for the obvious reasons of comfort/germs/privacy just like (I’d imagine) everyone else. I mean, everyone would rather do business on their own throne, am I right?
…and, these were the suggested tags:
HatePress
Way to go, WordPress!
Are there hate crime protocols for public bathrooms?
Do a lot of race-ethnic-religious relations happen in public bathrooms?
I must be missing something.
WordPress may have redeemed themselves though. I had finished this, and saved to post… but these suggestions came up:
McHate
Bravo, WordPress. Bravo!
World (and Lunar) Domination 