What are you feeding the birds?


No, this isn’t about those birds that just fell out of the sky for no apparent reason… but that is quite shocking/interesting.

I’m just wondering what the hell birds are eating lately.  I think today a pterodactyl took a dump on my windshield.  One day not long ago, we had a rental van at work that looked like someone dumped a pretty full spittoon all over the side.  What are birds eating that makes it look like tobacco spit?

I mean, I’m no expert but I’m used to 2 varieties of bird poop.  I’m talking white bird poop, and the “oh, the bird ate berries” poop.  All the bird poop that I’ve ever seen can pretty much clearly fall into one of those categories.

I even remember owl poop from elementary school science class.  I know it’s a gross hairball that would have (hopefully) bounced off of my windshield.

Is this bat poop?  Is someone just spitting tobacco on my car or the work van?  Are the birds eating tobacco?

I demand an answer.

“games with pet gremlins” ?


I’m easily amused, I thought I’d share some recent search terms that brought people to my little corner of the internet.

“ernie and the berts” (We’re famous!)
“f.u.n. the ass” gardy loo lyrics (A humorously offensive song… look it up!)
“john maher” “activist”
admiral snackbar
advertisement letter
allergen signage
allergen warning signs
allergen warning signs for display
allergy to pizza hut cheese but not othe
alliteration examples about food at wend (…an advertising agent?)
american community survey
american community survey 2010
american community survey penalty
american community survey reviews
american community survey scam
an alliteration about lunchtime (…the Wendy’s guy?)
annoying people with allergies  (That’s me!  Google was spot on here…)
arby’s dipping sauce
baby: secret of the lost legend
best way to cook hot dogs without a gril
boba invoice
books about letters
childhood favorite movies
chili cook flyers
colonel sanders spaceballs
consumer satisfaction regarding pizzas (Oh boy, they need to read ALL my blog posts…)
data vs. c3po
death taco (…Would be an excellend band name.)
does dunkin donuts products have crustac (…ians?  See!  I’m not the only one.)
does title 13 require the census be sent (According to the Census Bureau, yes.)
dunkin donuts allergy information
e.t. mimozemšťan (Google Translate identified it as Czech? Translates to “E.T. Alien”)
eagle guitar korea (I really wish I could find out more about these guys.)
ellajones@us.mcd.com (Comes up all the time… perhaps a Google News crawler?)
fail blog about wendys food
fail blog wendys review
fails wendy reveiw
fallout shelter bridgeville (Wrong town if you’re looking for the venue…)
fart domination (Would be a great punk band name… but what the holy hell was this person searching for?)
food allergy massachusetts
galveston b.b. stone (I really wish I could find out more about these guys.)
games with pet gremlins (Not Marco Polo…)
giant eagle shop n save cheaper
giving up on 65.55.92.168.   (Why did this come to my blog?)
how to cook totino’s pizza rolls without
ice formations crazy
inbred rape limbless mother (I hope this is about that X-Files episode.)
john maher pa
kuhns vs giant eagle (Spoiler alert: Giant Eagle wins.)
lactose intolerant to pizza hut
little billy’s letters charles manson
macdonalds ‘domination’
making a revenge of the nerds costume
mcdonalds “bog card”
message 1051 (Still a royal pain in everyone’s ass.)
mog spaceballs
mutant crocodile (…Why did this bring you here?)
my life at mcdonalds (_____!)
old fashioned buttermilk
original trilogy
pacific shrimp taco taco bell did it sel
penalty for not recycling canonsburg
pictures shellfish allergy (…Anaphylaxsis fetishists?)
pizza hut allergy
pizza hut guidelines for sanitation (Here they are: _______ )
pizza hut ingredients 2010
pizza hut sauce contains fish (…It does?)
pizza hut, allergy info
pizza rolls totino’s
pizza the hutt
r2d2 knit hat
rep john maher
scott bergren pizza hut email
scott kausky (Scott is good people!)
search ella.jones@us.mcd.com (Comes up all the time… perhaps a Google News crawler?)
shortcode 1051
shortcode error on phone
snyder of berlin vs snyder’s of hanover
square guitar (Rules!)
star wars tessellation (You mean Subway’s cheese tessellation issues… or Star Destroyers, tessellated?)
subway competitor
taco bell store emails
totinos pizza rolls microwave directions
trick or treat my dog scared the crap ou
waltham, ma. wendy’s sonnnnnnn (Got the munchies?)
we are the vandals
we gettin tiered of punkrock blink 1082
wendy’s sonnnnnnn, waltham, ma
what if i dont fill out the american com (See title 13…)
why does pizza make me poop? (I don’t know, but it makes me poop too.)
wookie leia boob (The best band name ever?)
план ада чистилища и рая данте (Google Translate identified it as Bulgarian? Translates to “Plan chistilishta hell and heaven Dantb”)

Boba’s Invoice


Boba’s Invoice, originally uploaded by Laser Bread.

This is a genius little work of art/humor. I decided to use it to try out flickr’s “Blog this photo” function. I wouldn’t mind having this printed, framed, & hung on my “home office” wall. Good stuff, Laser Bread!

Facewars | A New Status


From Lamebook.com, too funny…

Lamebook | A New Hope... in one status

How to walk to your car in a parking lot: A public service announcement


There’s a problem I’ve noticed over the years since I first got my driver’s license.  It’s ridiculous, rampant, and totally uncalled for.  It doesn’t have as much to do with driving as it does walking, but I consider it a road-related  issue.

People don’t know how to walk in parking lots.  They have this “pedestrian has the right of way” mentality that has inexplicably warped into a strange sense of entitlement and devilish pleasure in making you the motorist yield to their ambling nonchalance.

Below, I have an illustration (thanks to Google Maps) of the new Market District parking lot in Robinson.  Please take a moment to study & understand before you move on to the next paragraph.

How to walk across a parking lot.
WALK IN A STRAIGHT LINE, NOT AT AN ANGLE.

I get worked up about this quite easily (obviously I guess), and my thoughts are all over the place…  so I’ll try to make my points concise with the aid of a bulleted list.  (I have blogged about this before too, if you find that you need further reading.) I really would like to start a discussion on this in the comments if you’re so inclined.

  • When there’s a cross-walk on the ground, use it. I understand that the crosswalk isn’t a magical safe-zone, and that jaywalking laws are rarely enforced in Southwestern PA… but it’s there for a reason;  So you can move across the road in an organized and quick fashion in a designated spot.   Yes, the parking lot is a potential mine-field of car vs. person vs. shopping cart accidents, but you can help minimize the danger by using cross-walks… and drivers will know exactly where and when to have a heightened awareness.
  • Walk in a 90° angle (or close to it if at all possible) when crossing the road. This may seem stupid, but if you look at my beautiful illustration above… you can see that a person walking a green path would move across the road much more quickly than the same person walking at the same speed using a red path.  Using the green path reduces wait time (and thus aggravation) for the driver trying to get into or out of the store.
  • Walk one one side or the other of each row. The beauty of this one is that you have a choice.  You can walk on the left or the right.  JUST. DON’T. WALK. DOWN. THE. MIDDLE. These are the  most annoying people.  There’s typically room for two cars to pass each other when moving in opposite directions, and a little extra walking room in most parking lots.  When you walk right down the middle of the aisle, you make all of this room disappear.

Focusing mostly on the middle-of-the-lane walkers, but also on the anglers, and the “too cool for the crosswalk”-ers, I’d just like to comment on the types of people that I believe they may be.

First, there are the truly oblivious.  I believe this to be the smallest sect of the parking lot meanderites.  I think some people are just really not all that aware of their surroundings, and have no comprehension of the havoc that they wreak around themselves.  (Arguably,  stopping time in a parking lot is not exactly “wreaking havoc”, but it sure bites my ass.) These people are just like Mr. Bean, and since Mr. Bean is somewhat of a lovable character, I can forgive these people.  If you know one of them, please tell them about parking lot urgency.  If you don’t know one of them… walk more quickly, in straight angles, in designated areas, and close to the cars in parking lots.  (Because you are one of them.)

Then we have category #2.  The entitled. They’re a pedestrian.  They always have the right of way, and that’s it.  In their minds, anyway.  I’d like these people to see what Pennsylvania law has to say…

Title 75 of the Pennsylvania Consolidated Statutes, contains the laws which govern the operation of vehicles on Pennsylvania roads.

Chapter 35: SPECIAL VEHICLES AND PEDESTRIANS
Subchapter C: Rights and Duties of Pedestrians

Section 3541. Obedience of pedestrians to traffic-control devices and regulations
(a) Traffic control devices.—A pedestrian shall obey the instructions of a police officer or other appropriately attired person authorized to direct, control or regulate traffic.

(b) Traffic and pedestrian-control signals.—Local authorities by ordinance may require pedestrians to obey traffic and pedestrian-control signals as provided in sections 3112 (relating to traffic-control signals) and 3113 (relating to pedestrian-control signals).

Section 3542. Right-of-way of pedestrians in crosswalks.
(a) General rule.—When traffic-control signals are not in place or not in operation, the driver of a vehicle shall yield the right-of-way to a pedestrian crossing the roadway within any marked crosswalk or within any unmarked crosswalk at an intersection.

(b) Exercise of care by pedestrian.—No pedestrian shall suddenly leave a curb or other place of safety and walk or run into the path of a vehicle which is so close as to constitute a hazard.

and…

Section 3543. Pedestrians crossing at other than crosswalks.
(a) General rule.—Every pedestrian crossing a roadway at any point other than within a crosswalk at an intersection or any marked crosswalk shall yield the right-of-way to all vehicles upon the roadway.

(b) At pedestrian tunnel or overhead crossing.—Any pedestrian crossing a roadway at a point where a pedestrian tunnel or overhead pedestrian crossing has been provided shall yield the right-of-way to all vehicles upon the roadway.

(c) Between controlled intersections in urban district.—Between adjacent intersections in urban districts at which traffic-control signals are in operation pedestrians shall not cross at any place except in a marked crosswalk.

(d) Crossing intersection diagonally.—No pedestrian shall cross a roadway intersection diagonally unless authorized by official traffic-control devices or at the discretion of a police officer or other appropriately attired person authorized to direct, control or regulate traffic. When authorized to cross diagonally, pedestrians shall cross only in accordance with the signal pertaining to the crossing movements.

And the best part…

Section 3552. Penalty for violation of subchapter.
Any pedestrian violating any provision of this subchapter is guilty of a summary offense and shall, upon conviction, be sentenced to pay a fine of $5.

Interesting, no?  I’m not sure if these apply any differently in a parking lot, as it’s probably private property… but I’d love to see an officer out there passing out $5 tickets for every butthole who steps boldly out in front of a moving car with the incorrect assumption that “pedestrians always have the right of way”.  Why not?  I mean, they’re cracking down on parking in the South Side after years of chaos.  Is this any less ridiculous?

The third and last group?  The spiteful. They know you’re anxious to get by, but they don’t care.  They derive pleasure in knowing that you’re most likely impatiently waiting to move forward at a speed that actually registers on your speedometer, but that they alone have the power to prevent that from happening.  Maybe they had a bad day and want to pass along the crappy karma.  Maybe they have a controlling spouse, boss, or family member, and this is how they lash out.  This is the group that turns to look at you, but continues to walk down the middle of a driving lane instead of moving to one side so you can get by.  This is the woman that stops mid-stride and mid-lane to dig through her purse for her car keys while you idle and boil.  This is the group of teenage boys that walks 4 wide and dresses “hard” like they from the streets thanks to mom’s credit card and Journey’s or Hot Topic.  This is the wide-angle walker who sees you approaching, but instead of walking straight across the lane quickly looks straight ahead in their “5 rows over from where they started” path.  They’re also the ones who let you follow them down the echelon of filled  of parking spaces during the holiday shopping season, and cut over to the next row or put bags in their car and proceed to walk right back where they came from without giving you the courtesy wave-off or  the universally understood over-exaggerated mouthing of “I’m not leaving” while shaking their head and pointing or waving their arms.  I suspect that they’re also the people who double-dip, don’t flush public toilets, and kick puppies.

That should just about cover it.  So please, pass this along so we can all get on the same page.

McMummy Meal


Heard about this on the radio, saw the link to this article on Yahoo! this morning.  Creepy:

McDonald’s Happy Meal resists decomposition for six months

 

Day 180 | Davies Happy Meal Project | October 7, 2010

Day 180

 

Not that this is really all that surprising or life-changing… just makes you pause to think about the absurdity of it all.

From an art perspective, this is very fun & funny.  From an experimental perspective, this needs a little more control.  I’d like to see the meal left to sit still in between photographs, and perhaps even from a camera that sits on a tripod in the same spot every time.

I’d also like to see meals from other chains like Burger King, Wendy’s, Steak N’ Shake, as well as a home-made patty cooked from fresh ground beef… and even a store-bought pre-made hamburger patty.  Hell, why not even throw a Morning Star Farms or Boca veggie patty in there too?

You can follow the project directly on Flickr here:  Davies McDonalds Happy Meal Project

I find the comments from Theresa Riley at McDonald’s to be the most absurd part.  “Completely unsubstantiated?”  Have you seen the photos?

Also, Dr. Michael Doyle going on record saying “no hamburger would look like this after one year unless it was tampered with or held frozen” is kind of goofy.  Has he done this experiment?  Does he know for sure?

I do have to say that environment has a lot to do with it.  The fate of the burger & fries may be markedly different in an apartment in Florida vs. one in Alaska or Arizona… and then is there heat, A/C, or other environmental control going on in that apartment?

I’d love to see this as a Mythbusters episode.

Tyson Foods, Inc. & Willie Barber FTW.


Yesterday, I got two surprises in our mailbox… One being that half of it was our neighbor’s mail, and the other being the promised letter & coupons from Mrs. Barber at Tyson  Foods!  OK, the mail mix-up wasn’t that big of a surprise… that happens at least 4 times a week.  It’s always good to get mail that’s not bills or junk mail though, and this made my day…

Tyson Foods - LetterSeems a little stiff compared to my earlier exchanges, but form letters are a necessary evil with a company as large as Tyson I guess.

Also enclosed were five  coupons for free Tyson Foods items!  Two coupons for one free bag of Tyson Frozen Breaded Product or Any’tizers Product, one for any one package of Tyson Individually Frozen Chicken Product, one for any one package of Tyson Wright Brand, and one for any one package of Wright Brand Product… which makes some awesome bacon.

Tyson coupons

This is much much more than I expected, or could have hoped for!  Really, it all started out as goofing around, not a complaint by any means.  It’s certainly better than the paltry pile of coupons that I received from Pillsbury when asking about funding further “how many pizza rolls can really fit in the microwave at once” research.  I let the ball drop on that one… perhaps I better write to them and ask again, using Tyson and Taco Bell as references of good coupon giving.

I’ll have to write back to Willie to say thanks.  This really was quite generous, and will certainly help in stretching the food budget in the coming weeks!

McObservation


McDonald's on Urbanspoon

I’d love to think that I had something to do with this, but hopefully it stemmed from many other customer complaints about this place to the right people and not just from my persistent prodding.

I saw a tweet last night from another McCustomer in my area that made me laugh out loud:

Hey @AiXeLsyD13, went to the West Lib McD’s today. They had some bigwigs in monitoring operations. They had stopwatches & everything
15 hours ago via web

Thank you for the tweet, Heather!  I know Heather and a few other people from the area have expressed their exasperation with this McDonald’s via Facebook, Google, Twitter, & I think even Urbanspoon… and in the comments section in one of my blog posts about the West McLiberty location, and maybe something has been pushed through by Mr. Kausky since the last time I heard form Ms. Jones, although Ms. Jones did mention someone coming to help them turn into the “well-oiled machine”.  I doubt my tweeting had anything to do with it.

I encourage everyone to keep writing to this McDoanld’s and to corporate until customer service is at an acceptable level (like that of the McDoanld’s in Canonsburg).

McDoanld’s corporate contact form on the Web: http://www.mcdonalds.com/us/en/contact_us.html

McDonald’s #5834 (West Liberty Ave.):

McDonald’s #4856 (Canonsburg):

The McDonald’s Twitter Team plus a few more:

Thunder can’t quietly do anything. It’s thunder.


Oh my goodness.

So funny.  I like this John Moe character.  There’s plenty more pop song correspondences, and even more content at McSweeney’s Internet Tendency.  I really dig this cat’s style.

 

It’s a Southern thing, just ask Willie.


Tyson Foods | Ask Willie

Tyson Foods | Ask Willie

So, my apologies to Mrs. Barber, apparently Willie is also a girl’s name down south.  Ha ha.  You guys need to read my letter to Tyson about the soggy not smelly tiger-tender, and you’ll know what this is all about.  Here’s some follow-up…

from    ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
to    “Barber, Willie” <Willie.Barber@tyson.com>
date    Sat, Oct 2, 2010
subject    Re: Tyson Honey Battered Breast Tenders
mailed-by    gmail.com

Buenos Dias Mr. Barber!

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my missive.  I’m glad that it entertained and proved interesting!  The information from your Food Safety & Quality Assurance Manager is enlightening.  I guess if I had thought about it, I may have arrived to the same conclusion… as my wife did.  Perhaps she should look into Quality Assurance as a career?

Sadly there was no golden ticket type prize for the tiger-tender, but certainly some complimentary coupons would brighten my day.  Your thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated!  My address is:

ERiC AiXelsyD
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Pittsburgh, PA  XXXXX

I still need to look into sending Duquesne Light a bill for my prematurely perished perishables, perhaps cluing them in to your generosity will tip the scales in my favor?  Maybe I should send them the tiger-tender and see if they like soggy formerly-frozen foodstuffs in their freezers.

I’m flattered that you had previously read my ramblings on the web, and honored that you remembered my name!  Now I’m curious as to how I came to be on your radar.  I tend to be goofy at times, and serious at others.  Life’s all about balance… why not enjoy the balance when it swings to the absurd?  Your kind of reply is my favorite.  You may not be surprised ad how many of these types of emails fail in providing a response.  Some people are apparently just too uptight!

I enjoy many of your fine products, and now will even more… and I’ll recommend more to my friends & family!

A good day to you sir,
-ERiC AiXeLsyD

PS – Think there’s any headway at all to be made with Arby’s & the distribution of their Bronco Berry Sauce?

And, she wrote back…

from    Barber, Willie <Willie.Barber@tyson.com>
to    ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
date    Mon, Oct 4, 2010
subject    RE: Tyson Honey Battered Breast Tenders
mailed-by    tyson.com

Happy Monday Morning!

As I recall, I chanced upon your name/blog while researching one of our customers—maybe McDonald’s, Burger King, or Subway?   Thanks for the address–the coupons will be mailed tomorrow.

By the way, I am a Mrs. not a Mr.  It’s a Southern thing!  AskWillie

Willie Barber

So, she’s read one of my various diatribes on Subway or my disdain for a nearby McDonald’s.  Quite amusing!  I don’t think I’ve messed with Buger King for a long time.

It is sad that she hasn’t addressed the Bronco Berry sauce issue, but I’m sure she can’t or won’t for corporate reasons.

I wrote back once more:

from    ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
to    “Barber, Willie” <Willie.Barber@tyson.com>
date    Mon, Oct 4, 2010
subject    Re: Tyson Honey Battered Breast Tenders
mailed-by    gmail.com

My Apologies, Mrs. Barber(!),

I guess I should have done my own research!  Ha ha.

I have certainly blogged extensively about a local McDonald’s who is as slovenly as they are slothful, and another who is run exceptionally well and always seems to be clean, efficient, and orderly.  Plus, McDonald’s is just so fun to poke.

I also have an ongoing thing with Subway about their seafood subs and cross-contamination.  I have a severe shellfish allergy, and find them quite irresponsible as far as posting warnings, using the same knife to cut all their subs, and in replying to their customers.  Perhaps you ought to go over there and teach them how to run things!  They never did answer my question about having an in-house subway instead of a cafeteria or kitchen in their corporate offices.  No sense of humor or customer satisfaction, there!

Thanks again for the coupons, my wife & I both appreciate the gesture!

Tyson’s Newest #1 Fan,
-ERiC

…and no reply as of yet, not that I really need one in this instance.  This was just some shameless plugging.  I’m just waiting for my awesome coupons.

Also… if you follow the Ask Willie link, is that the coolest job description, or what?