Category Archives: Funny Stuff

The Tunnel Monster may have eaten me by now…

Posted on by Standard 3

Pittsburgh tunnel

Pittsburgh tunnel (Photo credit: glowingfish)

OK, so remember my post about the Pittsburgh Tunnel Monster & the artist renderings?  Well, I just got this reply.  It came a little late, and it came from someone who couldn’t pick up on the fact that I was goofing around.  I mean, I don’t even know how I should respond to this.  Should I tell them, or keep it going?  Surely a quick Google search of my email address or “Pittsburgh Tunnel Monster” would have landed you here?  I kind of feel bad that this cat didn’t “get” it.

I poked around several forums and web pages until I found email addresses or forums or anywhere where I could post my goofiness.  They mostly all fell entirely flat (Fail 1/Fail 2/Fail 3).  This email eventually found someone, I guess.

Oh well, here’s the reply:

From: The Cryptid Hunters <thecryptidhunters@gmail.com>

Date: Fri, Aug 3, 2012
Subject: Re: The Pittsburgh Tunnel Monster
To: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>

Hello, and thank you for emailing The Cryptid Hunters.

Firstly, allow me to introduce myself. I’m Raptorguy14, currently the only active member of this group. We used to have several people, but they’ve since become inactive. I’ve been thinking many times about reviving this group, and I may do that soon, but for now I can only investigate reports of cryptids in the Western United States.

Secondly, I, nor anyone else in this group, do not represent MonsterQuest or anything/anyone affiliated with it. I understand that the link to our email is on the History Channel website, so I apologize for any confusion. We are simply a group of amateur cryptid hunters.

Thirdly, the photos definitely appear to be fake. I know that you said they are artist renderings, but I’m certain that it’s impossible for creatures that look like those “renderings” in the photos to exist. After some preliminary research online, I can conclude that the Pittsburgh Tunnel Monster is likely a hoax, an urban legend, as no solid evidence has turned up yet. As I said, I would be open to investigating, but at this time I can only investigate cryptid reports in the Western United States (specifically the Intermountain West). I will try to find somebody to investigate, but I find it unlikely that any evidence will turn up. More than likely it’s just a myth that makes drivers be more cautious in the tunnel, as tunnels can be very dangerous places if certain driving precautions are not taken.

~Raptorguy14

I guess I should write back.

Also, if I neglected to post your artist rendering, please send it again!  I was sitting on a few until I had another related post… wanna make sure I don’t miss any.  Here’s one from Valley of Steel‘s Eric Yano:

Flying Tunnel Monster (by Eric Yano)

Flying Tunnel Monster (by Eric Yano)

https://twitter.com/suburbsasquatch/status/195707700351479812?iid=am-85321533413354953266169787&nid=4+status_timestamp&uid=89820926

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Seriously; I’m not McDonald’s, but I will try to help.

Posted on by Standard 8

It’s happening again.  Someone thinks I’m McDonald’s and that my website is printed on McDonald’s receipts.  This is the message that was in my inbox on Friday night:

From: Jay Culp <culp915@comcast.net>
To: me@my.email.address
Sent: Friday, July 27, 2012 8:45 PM
Subject: W(aL)D Feedback

Name: Jay Culp
Email: culp915@comcast.net
Website: http://google
Message / Comment: I was up mcdonalds on walnut street in mckeesport bout 2 months ago they messed up my whole order i called up there took my name address was suppose to seed me coupons bout never got them order 2 big mac got big macs w tomatoes and order 4 mcchichens w kep only they had everything on them was just wondering how long i got to wait for my coupons.
How’d you find my blog?: on recreipt

Time: Friday July 27, 2012 at 8:45 pm
IP Address: ##.##.###.###
Contact Form URL: https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/contact/
Sent by an unverified visitor to your site.

I wrote back with this:

From: Waldo Lunar world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
Date: Mon, Jul 30, 2012
Subject: Re: W(aL)D Feedback
To: culp915@comcast.net

Hello Jay,

Sadly… I am not McDonald’s.  Well, sadly for you & many others… not so sadly for me.  Although, I would perhaps enjoy the salary of a sole McDonald’s executive let alone the company as a whole. Although, if you own Google like the website field suggests, you know what I mean, my friend.  You could by and sell my economically-challenged ass.

I guess though, that you apparently used Google to find my website.  Thisperplexes me though, and has on multiple occasions:

“How’d you find my blog?: on recreipt”

I’m pretty sure that no area McDonald’s locations print my website address on their receipts.  If they do, they need to pay me for customer service services rendered.  After all, I do reply until the situation is resolved (on my end anyway).

I’m guessing that a manager’s email address (not a website) was printed on your receipt.  I’m guessing you Googled that email address and it brought you to my site because that address or a similar one appears on my blog.

As a general rule of thumb… if it contains the “@” symbol, it’s an email address.  A lot of websites are preceded by “http://&#8221; or “www.” but not always.  A website would end in “.com”, “.net”, .”org”, or something similar & would not contain any “@” symbols.

Entering either a website or an email address into Google will search for that website or email address.  If you’d like to go directly to the website, enter that into the address bar of your favorite web browswer.  If you’d like to email someone, enter their address in the “To:” filed of Outlook, other mail client, or in your webmail… however you choose to access email.

If you can reply to me with the exact text written on your receipt, I will be glad to write to McDonald’s on your behalf.  I have experienced some success in dealing with fast food companies & getting coupons or other free stuff.  We, the little people, must band together against such mega-corporations who want nothing more than to take our money and treat us like the cattle they serve.

Certainly two months is a reasonable time in which to receive coupons as an apology to poor service.  Your order seems reasonable… although correct me if I’m wrong but McChicken sandwiches don’t normally have ketchup and Big Macs don’t normally have tomatoes.  It’s an interesting flavor palette you bring forth.  I may have to try it.  Ever have a McChicken with the sweet & sour nugget sauce?  That is fantastic.  It’s even better at Wendy’s with their chicken sandwich & sweet & sour sauce.  And, if you’re not swept up in the current Chick-fil-A controversy, I’d go for their sandwich with the honey mustard sauce.  Some older crazy lady always tries to push the Chick-fil-A Sauce on me, but she’s nuts… the Honey Mustard is far superior.  Also, I still miss the Arch Deluxe… especially when it had round bacon… not Canadian bacon, but round normal American bacon… with black pepper.  That sandwich was the work of a genius.

I haven’t been to McKeesport in quite a while.  I was at a recording studio there years ago and someone’s car got broken into while we were all inside rocking out.  I had a drink or two at the Elbow Room that was across the street.  Funny name… although inside it had a nautical theme… which didn’t seem to fit the name.  I guess elbows everywhere would have been creepy.

I’m sorry, I seem to get off track easily.  I’m guessing you didn’t take the tiem to read my blog when you landed there after your Google search.  Instead, you went directly to the “Contact” page.  I like that.  I see you’re all business.  The title World (and Lunar) Domination at the top didn’t even deter you.

You might want to check out these blog posts though…

I can’t really offer up anything else as proof that ⓐ I’m not Mcdonald’s and ⓑ My website isn’t on the receipt.

I seriously would like to help out though, if I can.  If you could reply with a photo or scan of the receipt, or simply just type the address/phone/email address in the reply, I’ll write to them on your behalf… Cc:ing you and keeping you in the loop.  I tried to help Jane, but never heard if that situation was resolved.  Some people are just ungrateful for assistance, I guess.

I hope this message finds you well, and that you have a good day, my friend.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Excelsior!

Waldo Lunar
Professional Customer Service Liaison, Esq.
W(aL)D

P.S. – Ever want to “Crop-Dust” at a restaurant when people are being exceptionally rude?

A McDonald's McChicken sandwich.

A McDonald’s McChicken sandwich. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I wonder if I’ll get a reply?  I’d love it if this guy actually wants my help and provides a valid email address to someone at the McKessport McDonald’s.  How do you think they’d respond to a 3rd party?  They never did thank me for helping to get that one fryer-cleaner company paid.

Looks like you can actually contact the McKeesport McDonald’s via Webform: http://www.mcpennsylvania.com/2842/contact/manager/

But, how fun is that?  None at all, I say.

Really though, “I was up McDonald’s…” How Yinzer is that?  Fantastic.  Let’s hope that this isn’t another fake message, and that Mr. Culp writes back.

The Arch Deluxe composition from an advertisement

The Arch Deluxe composition from an advertisement (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Food Allergies – Check out the Blog Carnival

Posted on by Standard 4

I haven’t blogged about food allergies in a while.  I haven’t blogged in a while.  Life has been busy, and that’s a good thing.

Food Allergy Fun | Somewhere in the middle...

July 2012 Living With Food Allergies Blog Carnival

I hope to participate in the FAAN Food Allergy Walk in Pittsburgh again this year, and in that spirit, here’s a blog you need to read:

July 2012 Living With Food Allergies Blog Carnival

You simply can’t put together a better list of resources, articles, tips, and fun related to food allergies.  I suggest you read, subscribe, bookmark, or do whatever you do.  Take the time to take a look at the stuff that interests you, and pass it along.  We all know awareness is half (if not more) of the battle.

All of this reminds me, it’s time to get my Epi-pen prescription renewed…

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Mac Frosty & Ruben Tug

Posted on by Standard 7

I’ve been struck by a prankster, but I know who you are.  One message came via the webform, one came via email:

Webform:

From: Mac Frosty <kb3ugw@gmail.com>
To: me@my.email.address
Sent: Monday, June 25, 2012 12:21 AM
Subject: W(aL)D Feedback

Name: Mac Frosty

Email: kb3ugw@gmail.com

Message / Comment: I went to you store on west liberty ace to get a smoothie. But my smoothie tasted like chocolate mint. You need to clean your fryers better so this want happen again. I also think all of the black people in ads H for slice are racist. Take them off the air , or I’m calling Obama.

Sincerely
Mac

How’d you find my blog?: It was in my reciept

Time: Monday June 25, 2012 at 12:21 am
IP Address: ##.##.###.##
Contact Form URL: https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/contact/
Sent by an unverified visitor to your site.

Email:

From: KB3UGW <kb3ugw@gmail.com>
Date: Mon, Jun 25, 2012 at 12:27 AM
Subject: Webforms Suck, so I’m emailing you directly!
To: “world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com” <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>

It’s like boom it’s like slam I swear that I’m telling you the facts, that’s how I beat.

Ac supafresh

Chocolate mulk cycad define the juice. Don’t be a pussy , eat it. Your fries are too greasy and 44 cent for BBQ save.   You crazy like randy randy  save Mcdonald rib pork patty I need roo feed

And bring back the pizza.

Ruben tug

I see that we have an avid reader, here, calling out that I hate webforms & all.  It did take me a second to realize that it was not actually someone thinking I’m McDonald’s (again).  I mean, you’ve seen the emails right?

At any rate, Google outed you Mac (or Ruben).  Pull up your pants, there are ladies present. ☺

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Lack of posts, & the dumbest product ever.

Posted on by Standard 9

LIVE MUSIC! SAT. JUNE 23 THE FALLOUT SHELTER.NET ROCK- ERNIE AND THE BERTS & FRIENDS

The sign outside of Sheffield Lanes/The Fallout Shelter in Aliquippa, PA this weekend.

I’ve noticeably slowed down with blogging.  Perhaps I was blogging too much before.  Real life has been happening lately.  The band played twice this weekend, my real job has been taxing, etc. Perhaps I’ll find inspiration more often in the days to come. 

Like this…

Groupon has successfully  shown me what I believe to be the absolute dumbest product ever:

Car Lashes ...Wait, car-freaking-lashes?

Car Lashes …Wait, car-freaking-lashes?

I could rant about it, but do I really need to?  There would a a Herbie/Love Bug joke, pointing out that putting them on a BMW decreases the value/classiness of the car, maybe a joke about truck nuts & just maybe a reference to the movie Cars even though I’ve never seen it.  Maybe even a joke about the dude I saw on My Strange Addiction who makes love to his car for the crowd who likes it blue.  Maybe even an Optimus Prime humping your car joke.  I have finally found something more annoying than flags on cars & more decorative than the mysterious stickermobile.  If you’re going to glue stupid stuff to your car, go all the way.

If there are any people out there with money to waste on stupid things, I’m taking donations so I can buy a Flycaster.

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Everything Changes but Guitars? I disagree.

Posted on by Standard 26

I saw this graphic online through Guitar Fail the other day, & again through Guitar Squid:

Stratocaster Evolution / Everything Changes but Guitars (I wish I knew the original source.)

Stratocaster Evolution / Everything Changes but Guitars (I wish I knew the original source.)

At first, it made me laugh and think “humph, yeah…” in agreement.  The more I thought about it though… it’s wrong. How is it wrong?

Well as far as concept cars go, it’s a whole different world from everyday-use practical cars.  Nothing has gone all that far from 4 wheels, 2 headlights, gasoline powered.  (Yes, there are hybrids and flex-fuel all over the market… but arguably people don’t like them unless they look like “normal” cars.)  But, this blog isn’t about cars.  I’m sure you knew I was going to talk guitars, because that’s what I do.

There are a ridiculous amounts of varying styles of guitars & guitar innovations out there.  Some of them may not be “reinventing the wheel” exactly, but there is always some great stuff happening, and there has been since the inception of the stringed instrument.  How do you think we got so many varieties?

Krank Amplification | Evolution Of The Electric Guitar

Krank Amplification | Evolution Of The Electric Guitar

I agree that too many axe-slingers fall into the Stratocaster or Les Paul shape trap.  For years I held a disdain for both shapes… but I come back to them.  Why?  Perhaps they’re good designs.  Perhaps they’re iconic.  Perhaps they sound incredible.  Perhaps they work.  There are many other options out there.  If you find yourself chuckling to and agreeing with this graphic, I challenge you to help me to add to my list of innovative guitars.

Any fans of the Guitarz Blog, Tone Fiend, Guitar WTF?, or gUitarREN should be into this.  (Any cool guitar blogs I’m missing?)

Let’s talk about how the guitar is ever-evolving… Shape, materials, string count, innovation, & general insanity.

Indy Custom - Flycaster (Tele-V) Telecaster Flying V Hybrid

Indy Custom Flycaster (or Tele-V?)

There are lots of shapes out there past the Stratocaster or Les Paul, whether it’s somewhat normal or custom insanity.  There’s the SG, the Telecaster, V’s (Flying, Jackson & more), hollowbodies like the Artcore or Gretsch models, the Explorer, the Ravelle, all the crazy B.C. Rich shapes, the Airline, even the Flycaster.  Are there really not enough guitar design shapes out there to satisfy you?  The Stratocaster doesn’t need to change shape, because there are plenty of other options out there!  I’m barely hitting the tip of the iceberg here.  I didn’t even touch on my B.B. Stone, FlipOut, or Batman axes.  How many distinct guitar shapes can you name in the comments?  (Actual produced shapes, not one-offs!)  Bonus for posting or linking to photos.

There’s also material.  Certainly guitars are mostly made of all types of wood, but there’s also plastic, graphite, Res-O-Glass (fiberglass), the Lucite / plexiglass / acrylic transparent guitars, aluminum necks, and so much more.

Once we get past the plethora of guitar makes, models, & shapes available… there are so many other innovations.  Some are great, some not-so great.  Just off the top of my head I can think of:  Synthesizer & MIDI Guitars, Fretlights, 7/8/12 strings, double neck guitars, the chord buddy, the Coral Sitar, built-in-wireless, the robot guitar, 3D printed guitars, Evertune… but none of them have really busted the mold (yet).  They’re all niche stuff.  This doesn’t even get into the many styles of bridges, tuners, tremolos, locks, and other parts that have been refined… or wiring.  You can get CRAZY with wiring.

World's Largest Playable Guitar being set up at the Carnegie Science Center (Pittsburgh, PA)

World’s Largest Playable Guitar being set up at the Carnegie Science Center – Pittsburgh, PA (Photo Credit: Kara / @ohidontthinkso)

The traveling guitar exhibit is at the Carnegie Science Center in Pittsburgh right now.  I can’t wait to check it out.  It’s got the world’s largest playable guitar.  I was lucky enough to get a preview the other day via Twitter.  Tell me that’s not an innovation?  It will no doubt inspire many to pick up the guitar, or dust off the one they already have.  The entire exhibit displays guitars, how they work, their history, & all kinds of fun interaction.

So, next time you think that the guitar has become stagnant, I ask you to go get your hands one one of the many non Strat options above… or even a non-standard Strat option… like a Fat Strat, hot-rodded wiring, or a backwards one.  There are plenty of different, innovative, and goofy guitars out there.  Rock out on something original!

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Best Buy, Bed Bath & Beyond, Beeps, & Buzzers ⌨

Posted on by Standard 2

Well, I sent what I thought were going to be two rather fun emails, but they have both gone unanswered.  Wow.  What a giant dud.  As my wife constantly reminds me, I certainly find myself amusing.  So, in that spirit I thought I’d share these emails anyway.  Perhaps you’ll chuckle too.

The first was to Best Buy via their form online and to the Twelpforce email address:

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, May 31, 2012
Subject: A Formal Apology
To: twelpforce@bestbuy.com

Greetings Best Buy Associates,

I write to you today to offer a formal apology.  I have lived with guilt for many years, and I would like to be able to clear my conscience.  Sadly, you literally asked for what you got, but you certainly didn’t deserve it my friends.  I beg you in advance to not unleash the wrath of the Twelpforce or Geek Squad upon my humble self.

Do you remember the commercials from about ten or so years ago that begged one to come in & play with all of the electronics in the store?  Well, I said you asked for it.  You did.  I simply complied.

I went into one of your stores, and tried my best to restrain my maniacal laughter as I set all of the alarm clocks & clock radios to go off at different intervals after the store closed.  Some were 5 minutes, some where 10 or even 20.  It was incredibly hard to stifle my giggles and pretend like I was incredibly interested in these timepieces.  I don’t know how no one noticed.  Now I can’t get 10 feet into a Best Buy door without a blue-shirted hawk swooping in to ask if I need help, and I’ll get asked every 3 feet after that if I turn it down.  Perhaps shenanigans like mine are why?

At one time, I wished that I could have been around to see the chaos.  Okay, maybe I still do.  Perhaps a master switch would have cut the power to all of them after the first one went off.  I won’t pretend to know the internal machinations of such a colossal retail empire.  Perhaps I made a memory for that team and brought them together through adversity in the name of silencing alarm clocks.  Perhaps it is a good story to tell trainees, or it may have even been forgotten over time.  I was much younger & more brash then.  I thought I knew everything.  I thought the world was my playground. To be blunt, I was an arrogant young miscreant.  I don’t remember if it was planned, or spur of the moment.

I’m sure that when the internet was still “new”, I set more than a few of your browsers to my old band’s web page & walked away.  I did this in every store though, not just Best Buy.  I won’t apologize for that.  A pimp’s got to pimp, right?

I would like to offer an apology to Best Buy as a corporation, the Best Buy employees startled and/or annoyed that day (and their families), and to all of the Best Buy associates that have joined the team since that day (somewhere between 2000 and 2002).  I believe this was at the Greensburg PA location across from Westmoreland Mall.  Please pass this along to them, if there are any left that may have been working that day.  I have seen the err of my ways, and I can live with the guilt no longer!

Thank you for your time, I hope you find it within you to pass along forgiveness for this egregious behavior.

Regretfully,
-Waldo Lunar

The next one was to Bed Bath & Beyond via their webform:

Do you remember those Best Buy commercials from 10 or so years ago where they asked you to come in & try the stuff out?

I did.  I went in one night & set all of their alarm clocks to go off about 5, 10, 15, or 20 minutes after closing.  I bet it was hilarious.  I only wish I had been there to see it.  I bet that happened often.

I noticed that you have a lot of kitchen timers and egg timers.  What time do you close?

Thanks,
-Waldo

I thought it was funny.  Apparently Best Buy and Bed Bath & Beyond did not.  I did get the standard “we got your message, someone will write back with in 3 days” replies, over a week ago.  I really thought Best Buy would come out with a witty intelligent retort.  You’d think an electronics company would be helmed by geeks who found humor in such ridiculousness.  Bed Bath & Beyond apparently do not go too far into the beyond part.  Oh well.

Best Buy

Best Buy (Photo credit: Ron Dauphin)

English: A Bed Bath and Beyond store in a shop...

Bed Bath and Beyond (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Ya Jagoff!!! Parking Tickets

Posted on by Standard Reply

This Week It’s 2 “Prependicular” Peter Parkers!

This Week It’s 2 “Prependicular” Peter Parkers!

This is genius.  Tired of being able to do nothing when you see someone parked like a Jagoff?  Now you can do something about it.  Check out these perpendicular Peter Parkers as an example, and check out the printable parking “tickets”!

Just don’t damage anyone’s car (especially stickered or flagged ones), and don’t get caught and/or shot in the process.

One of these days I need to capture the people that park on the yellow-lined triangle int he middle of the lot at the Kuhn’s on Banksville.  They usually stop there to disrupt traffic when going to the ATM or Starbucks.

Printable Parking Notes | Ya Jagoff!!!

YaJagoff.com | Printable Parking Notes: Do NOT ruin anyone’s vehicle!!

Snap a photo, place the ticket, and they can watch for themselves online. I only wish there was a way to call out the Peter Parkers who can’t Parallel Park on the street in front of my house.

I might need to make a custom one that says something like this:

Hey Jagoff New People That Just Moved Here,

Why has the number of cars on our street doubled since you’ve moved in?  Please note that there’s an alley behind your house where you can park two (or at least one) of those cars.  I don’t have an alley behind my apartment, so that’s not an option for me.  Help make the neighborhood an easier place to park by not being a Jagoff.

Respectfully,
Your Grumpy Jagoff Neighbor

Or this:

Hey Jagoff That Visits Someone Here A Few Nights A Week,

Your truck is as long as a school bus, and is probably as wide.  I appreciate that your solution is to sometimes park with a tire on the sidewalk, but that’s not really cool.  It’s also not cool to take up 3 spaces by parking a half car-length (or quarter truck-length) away from the vehicle in front of and or behind you.  I appreciate that you probably can’t see from your seat that’s 2 stories high… so maybe you should just park in the lot at the bottom of the hill & walk to wherever you need to go.

Thanks,
A Jagoff that actually lives in this neighborhood

Or even this:

Dear Jagoff Neighbors,

How is it possible that you have a picnic, birthday party, barbecue, bonfire, or gathering for a sporting event every weekend?  Why is the gathering place for your entire extended family at your house?  Don’t you ever go to their houses?  Why is it that I can’t make a trip to CVS or anywhere else close by on a weekend without my space getting filled before I return?  Do you have a lookout on the porch doing some sort of jagoff valet where you move all of your cars closer?  Do you like to watch me carry 20 bags of groceries for 2 blocks?  There is a parking lot at the bottom of the hill for your family.  We occasionally like to entertain on the weekends too.  We tell people to park in the lot.

Thanks,
A Jagoff Neighbor

Okay, I need to go do something to calm down.

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Danke Daka

Posted on by Standard 1

Did you read about my trouble with the One-Touch Can Opener?  How about my attempt at emailing them in Chinese?  Well, sadly they wrote back, and it’s quite boring.

The word is…

From: info info
To: Me <_____________@_____.___>
Cc: info <info@onetouchproducts.com>
Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Subject: Re: One-Stuck Can Opener

Dear Eric,

Thanks for your email.

For the can opener issue, please try to press and hold the reverse switch at the rear of the can opener.

The cutter will move in the reverse direction to the start position and the can lid will be released.

You may also check the instruction manual for trouble shooting ways.

Please download and keep the user manual from our website (as per below link) for your reference.

http://www.onetouchproducts.com/CanOpenerll.htm

Should you have any questions, please feel free to contact us.

Best Regards,
One Touch

There’s a reverse switch?  The answer is that simple?  I’m so disappointed, I haven’t even tried it yet.  Why not mark the switch?  I don’t remember the thing coming with instructions!  Bastards.

There may be a slight language barrier here, and a large cultural one.

Also, I decided to further my communication with Astrid at Bed Bath & Beyond.  Apparently this was going too far…

From: Eric <_____________@_____.___>
To: Bed Bath & Beyond <bedbathandbeyond@mailnj.custhelp.com>
Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2012 1:19 PM
Subject: Re: PRODUCT INQUIRY [Incident: 120525-000501]

Thanks Astrid,

We’ll have to go with the store credit then.  This is absolutely not a problem.  I always want to buy many things every time we’re in a Bed, Bath & Beyond.  Do you have a favorite can opener, or other cool kitchen gadget?  Perhaps we could get that.  Maybe some time my wife & I could have you over for dinner & we can use our new can opener.  What’s your favorite canned food?  I generally prefer fresh vegetables over canned… but I do like to make chili with a lot of canned ingredients.  Do you like chili?

I’d like to suggest that you guys carry P-38’s.  They really are useful, and don’t have any moving or electrical parts that can break or get stuck.

I like chili served over mashed potatoes.  I like mashed potatoes.

Rock on!

-Eric

I have as of yet not received a reply.

English: A small plate with a serving of mashe...

I like them.

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Bed, Bath, Above & Beyond. Daka & One-Touch refuse to answer.

Posted on by Standard 8

Google Translate

Google Translate (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

如果我尝试在中国吗？ (That’s “What if I try it in Chinese?” or “If I try in China?” according to Google Translate…)

Well, I never got anything from our friends at Daka about the One-Touch Can Opener that won’t relinquish the lid.  So I decided to use Google Translate to try & express my frustration in Chinese through the wonders of technology.

The added opening line is…

Hello, going to try in Chinese (with the help of Google Translate) because I haven’t had a reply yet.

Here’s what it gave me…

你好，去尝试在中国（谷歌翻译的帮助下），因为我还没有答复。

你好能征服者！

今天我写信给你，你必须有遇到过的问题。目前我是我的第二个单触式开罐器…它已被卡住盖子无行为能力。请参阅所附的图片，从字面上说明我的困境。正如你可以看到，盖仍然是牢固地掌握在单触式开罐器。这是不是第一次，这已经与本单位发生。有时，我能够说服放弃后，一个额外的按钮按盖子的开罐器。这个时候，所有的额外的感人不能正常工作。现在只剩下我与数额是多少，我的厨房柜台上的电池昂贵的塑料和金属摇滚。这可以大开眼界来岩目前有没有目的（以外恼人的我，每次我看到它）。我只有一两个月。它具有新的电池。在此之前它毫无用处，它并没有得到多大用处。

我以前曾拥有 单键开罐器，最终遇到同样的问题。我能看过去的事实，产品名为单键操作了几个涉及到很多出师不利后。我是能够处理的事实，偶尔会削减微小的，可以标注彩带和拖放到我的食物。的下脚料，一般很容易找到，并挑选出。我是能够接受的，它偶尔会倒下了，一个能完成后，取下盖子，也可能在可以敲的过程中。它仍像我获奖的辣椒或轻松舒适的食物9 CAN蔬菜汤，做的事情时节省时间。 （虽然，我投注的人…我会放在我的钱，在一个P-38的军队打开了一罐开罐器更快。）

我曾经以为，当我试图强行从我的第一个触盖子开罐器我可能爆发的东西。它不再回应我的接触。我检查了电池。我尝试不同大小的罐。我试图使用武力。 （我想在第一道曙光，并最终黑暗的一面。愤怒确实恨，就像尤达说。的仇恨也最终导致了我的钱包的痛苦。）我和平的企图都是无济于事。也许用钳子野蛮撬从盲目单键的强大抓地力的盖子是个坏主意。我粉笔我是一个傻瓜，辞职只是一个新的购买。

我买一个新的，从床Bath＆Beyond的，我相信，我们已经到达的情况，我在此电子邮件的开头介绍。我离开卡住所附照片的盖子，并在无用的单触式开罐器。

我也不知道是什么，什么我的游戏结束在这里。我的计划是给你写信通知你的情况，看看是否有别人谁也遇到同样的问题，看看你可以提供一个解决方案。我想说的行动可接受的课程将包括（但不仅限于）以下：

如何正确地得到单触式开罐器放弃的盖子，它深深地拥抱的建议。
一种新的改进功能的单键（如果存在）。
价值约20美元，美国军队发出的P-38或其他运作非电动开罐器。我来到这个大致的数字（和我向下舍入）：$ 15为单触式和5美元的名牌电池。

当然提供更同意recompensation，如果你想，我很开放的建议。我觉得我应该得到的东西，至少你的产品对我的失败而快速连续。当然，你同意吗？最合理的人。

谢谢您的时间和援助。我期待着您的答复和建议的解决方案。我急了，除去20元的塑料从我的厨房柜台金属装饰的无功能的一触式岩石。

愿力与你同
– 埃里克

。趣乐的习学人疾残使，笑好不的真这

Here’s what happened when I translate that back into English:

Hello, try the help of China (Google translation), because I did not reply.

Hello can conqueror!

Today I write to you, you must have encountered the problem. I my second one-touch can opener … it has been stuck lid incapacitated. Please see the attached picture, literally, to explain my plight. As you can see, the cover still firmly rests in the one-touch can opener. This is not the first time this has occurred with the unit. Sometimes I was able to convince to give up, an extra button lid opener. This time, all the extra moving can not work properly. Now left with what amounts to expensive battery on my kitchen counter, plastic and metal rock. This can be an eye-opener to rock at present there is no purpose (other than annoying me, every time I see it). I have only one or two months. It has a new battery. Prior to this it is useless, it does not get much use.

I previously owned one-touch can opener, and eventually encounter the same problem. I can see past the fact that the product, called one-button operation involving several to many false starts. I was able to handle the fact that occasionally cut a tiny, you can label the ribbon and drag it to my food. Scraps, usually easy to find and pick out. I was able to accept, it will occasionally fall, a complete, remove the cover, may also be in the process that can be knocked. It is still like the award-winning chili or relaxed and comfortable food 9 CAN vegetable soup, do things to save time. (Although, I bet the people … I will be on my money in a P-38, the army opened a can opener faster.)

I once thought that when I tried to forcibly from my first touch the lid opener outbreak. It is no longer respond to my touch. I checked the battery. I tried a different size cans. I tried to use force. (I think at first light, and eventually the dark side. Anger really hate, like Yoda said. Hatred eventually led to the pain of my wallet.) Peace attempt to no avail. May blind one-touch powerful grip pliers barbaric pry the lid is a bad idea. I chalk I’m a fool, resignation just a new purchase.

I bought a new one, from Bed Bath & Beyond, I believe, we have arrived, I introduced at the beginning of this email. I left stuck in the attached photo of the cover, and in the useless single touch can opener.

I do not know what is what my game is over here. My plan is to write to you to inform you of the situation to see if there are others who have encountered the same problem, see if you can provide a solution. I want to say an acceptable course of action will include (but are not limited to) the following:

  • How to get one-touch can opener to give up the lid, and it deeply embrace recommendations.
  • A new and improved features one-button (if present).
  • Worth about $ 20, P-38 issued by the U.S. armed forces or other operation of non-electric can opener. I came to this approximate figure (and I down rounding): $ 15 one-touch, and $ 5 brand name batteries.

More agree recompensation of course, if you want to, I am open to suggestions. I think I should get something, at least you my failure in rapid succession. Of course, do you agree? Most reasonable people.

Thank you for your time and assistance. I look forward to your reply and suggested solution. I am anxious to remove the plastic from my kitchen counter without metal decoration features a touch of rock.

May the Force be with you
– Eric

. Interest in music, then learn the Disabled to laugh it really true

I ought to do this with all of my emails from now on.  This is much more interesting.

One-Touch Can Opener

Friends don’t let automatic can openers drink & open cans.

At any rate, I shot out an email to Bed Bath & Beyond too, and they seemingly always stand behind their reputation.  I can get store credit if I bring in the stuck lid and whichever card we used to make the purchase.  Thanks to my wife’s memory, we bought it on the same day she bought a flour sifter not too long ago.  I doubt we have the receipt, but we still do have the card that made the purchase.

Their initial response:

From: Bed Bath & Beyond <bedbathandbeyond@mailnj.custhelp.com>
To: _____________@_____.___
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Subject: PRODUCT INQUIRY [Incident: 120525-000501]

 Subject
PRODUCT INQUIRY
 Discussion Thread
 Response Via Email (Astrid) 05/29/2012 04:27 PM
Dear Eric;Thank you for your email.We sincerely apologize for the situation described in your email. At Bed Bath & Beyond, we want our customers to be 100% satisfied with our customer service and merchandise selection. You may return this item to any of our stores for an even exchange or store credit. You can receive a refund in the manner you paid for the item if you have your receipt. Please note, there is no time limit to make a return and we do not require the original packaging. We are also forwarding this information over to our buyers and the vendor for their consideration and improvement.We hope this information has been helpful. Please email or call us at 1-800-GO-BEYOND (1-800-462-3966) if you have any questions.Sincerely,Astrid
Customer Service
Bed Bath & Beyond

My reply:

From: -mE. <_____________@_____.___>
To: Bed Bath & Beyond <bedbathandbeyond@mailnj.custhelp.com>
Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Subject: Re: PRODUCT INQUIRY [Incident: 120525-000501]

Aloha Astrid!

 Thank you, your reply was rather quick!  I have not had even as much as an acknowledgement of a receipt of my email from the manufacturer.  Apparently they don’t stand behind their products.  Perhaps you ought to review or do more rigorous tests on the things that you sell.  Has anyone else complained of this issue?

I’m not sure if we still have the receipt, as it was purchased some time ago.  I’m sure my wife or I purchased it with one of our debit cards though.  Would you be able to find the transaction from the card?  I know some stores can do that, and I know you guys have a pretty awesome no-hassle returns policy.

Were you able to view my entire message?  I know I was unable to attach photos.  Perhaps you would like to see the entire message (with photos) on my blog.

If I bring in the One-Touch can opener, can I leave the stuck lid?  Do you have any P-38 can openers for sale?

Rock on,
-Eric
.seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI

Their secondary response:

From: Bed Bath & Beyond <bedbathandbeyond@mailnj.custhelp.com>
To: _____________@_____.___
Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Subject: PRODUCT INQUIRY [Incident: 120525-000501]

 Subject
PRODUCT INQUIRY
 Discussion Thread
 Response Via Email (Astrid) 05/30/2012 10:08 AM
Dear Eric;

Thanks for responding. However, as I have explained you are able to return this defective item back to any of our stores for an exchange or store credit, if you do not have the receipt and use the credit towards the purchase of a new can opener of your choice. Please keep in mind that you may bring your return as it is with no problem. Unfortunately we do not carry P-38 can openers in our selection.

If we can be of further assistance please email us again or call our eService Center at 1-800-GO-BEYOND® (1-800-462-3966).

Sincerely,

Astrid
Customer Service
Bed Bath & Beyond

Heh.  Astrid does not seem amused.

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