Category Archives: Funny Stuff

A CONTEST FOR YOU! Gimme a recipe, win some Bronco Berry Sauce.

Posted on by Standard 4

240 Packs of Bronco Berry Sauce!

Want 13 of these?

OK.  If you’ve been reading my blog, you know that I have an entire  case (& a little more) of Arby’s delicious Bronco Berry Sauce just taking up space in my dining room.  I would eat it all if I could, but it’s probably not an achievable (or wise) goal.  Sadly, my Bronco Berry Sauce will have to go without its perfect partner Arby’s delicious Jalapeño Bites… as they have not yet returned to the menu here in Pittsburgh.  Perhaps there is still reason to Occupy Arby’s even if Hala asked me nicely not to?

I’m left with a few tasks… figuring out what to do with the sauce besides dunking Tyson’s chicken tenders in it, and trying to pawn some off on friends, family, and maybe even a busker.  It expires in June, and I’d hate for any (more) to go to waste.

I was thinking it may make an excellent glaze for meatloaf, or even as an internal ingredient.  It would also probably be good as a glaze on grilled or baked chicken, but I’m guessing the high sugar content would make it blacken quite quickly.  I wonder if it will freeze?  A Bronco Berry Popsicle could be either incredible or disastrous.  Would there be a way to work it into an icing (or again as an ingredient) in a chocolate cupcake?

My readers and commenters are obviously the most enlightened and intelligent group of people I know, so I’m turning to you for ideas.

I promise to wrap it better than my last gift from Arby's if I need to mail it to you.

I promise to wrap it better than my last gift from Arby's if I need to mail it to you.

Here’s where the contest comes in.  Give me your recipe for something including Arby’s Bronco Berry Sauce as an ingredient.  You may want to familiarize yourself with it if you’ve never tried it.  The name is misleading, it contains no berries or horses.  It’s sweet, it’s spicy, it’s awesome.  This will be like Chopped or Iron Chef, except instead of TV fame and butt-loads of money the prize is… Let’s say 13 packs of Bronco Berry Sauce, because I like the number 13.  Also, I’m not Alton Brown or Ted Allen.  If it’s really good, we’ll maybe eventually have to make copycat recipes to continue making the prize winner.

You have until Friday May 4th to get your recipes to me.  I’ll post them in a blog, put up a poll, and have the readers vote.  We’ll close the poll & pick a winner on May 13th.  You can enter multiple times within reason.  Voting will happen with the little poll widget here, so encourage your friends, neighbors, family, and even enemies to vote for you.

The only way to enter: You can email your fantastically delicious recipe to world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com with the subject containing the hashtag “#Bronco13” & the name of your recipe.  We’ll annoy people with it on Twitter, Google+, Pinterest, & wherever else hashtags work.

In the event of a tie, both of you will get 13 packets of Bronco Berry Sauce.

What are you waiting for?  Get to work!

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Arby’s Tries Again…

Posted on by Standard 12

Tom Arnold | Arby's Oven MittToday there was a nice little squishy bubble pack in the mailbox when I got home.  It had my name on it and appeared to be from Arby’s again.  More neat stuff from Arby’s?  What could it be?  A hat?  A T-shirt?  An oven mitt that talks like Tom Arnold when you press a button?  (Actually, that would be pretty neat.)

Nope, this was a different kind of squishy.  I got a post card from a Cherelle Flowers at Arby’s HQ in Atlanta.  Cherelle apparently works in Arby’s Customer Relations but doesn’t communicate with Arby’s President Hala Moddelmog who just sent me an entire case of Bronco Berry Sauce.  In with the postcard where several leaking square packets of Bronco Berry Sauce:

Your recent feedback is greatly appreciated. | We hope your next visit to Arby's® exceeds your expectations. | Regards, | Cherelle Flowers | Arby's Customer Relations | Arby's It's GOOD MOOD FOOD™

It's a Bronco Berry Bloodbath!

I hope it wasn’t intentional.  It’s like a mini version of the horse-head scene in The Godfather.  I mean, the card is sort of impersonal, but the gesture is nice when the sentiment isn’t stained with blood red not-really-berry sauce.  It’s unsettling to open such a package.  It almost looks like a threat.

I’m guessing that given Arby’s’ track record, it’s not a threat and it’s yet another genuine attempt to keep a goofy customer happy.  I have no idea if this generated from their web contact form, or Twitter, or what.  I would have maybe liked a more personal letter (again like the incredible one from Ms. Moddlemog), and the United States Postal Service to have handled my package with more care.  Ha.  Handled my package.  But, I’ll settle for free stuff… even if there are only 2 unmolested packets.

I did notice it was addressed to me, and not Bronco Jalapeño.  I also noticed that these packets are rectangular… where the other ones are circles.  Clearly, there is more than one source for Bronco Berry Sauce.  Where is it my friends?  Can I find it?  Can I buy direct?  Can I get the recipe?

I need a job where I can reply to goofy emails all day, and send people cool free swag… or gooey free swag.

So, what do you think of this effort?  I have scored many awesome freebies, but I still don’t have jalapeño bites being served at Arby’s in Pittsburgh.  Is this a fail?  Do we still need a protest song?

Should I complain to the post office about this?

If you have no idea what’s going on, check out these posts:

  1. Arby’s :: Bronco Berry Sauce®
  2. OCCUPY ARBY’S
  3. You may call me… “Bronco Jalapeño”
  4. Conflicting Information from Arby’s… (Help Bronco Jalapeño write a song!)
  5. Bronco Jalapeño Rides Again!
  6. Bronco Scores Again!

In other news, I think I have an idea for a contest where the winner can get some Bronco Berry Sauce.  Stay tuned for details!

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I Miss My Corner Guitar Store « Guitar WTF

Posted on by Standard 3

Check out this sweet post (& the rest of the blog) from Guitar WTF?: I Miss My Corner Guitar Store « Guitar WTF.

A sample:

…At first I was mad, but then I though it would be more fun to get even.  Yeah, I know, its immature.

How To Be Annoying At The Guitar Store

  • When a sales person is talking to another customer listen in.  After everything they say you say, “that’s what you think”.
  • Ask the sales person for a pick,  immediately put it in your pocket and leave the store.

Guitar WTF? | I Miss My Corner Guitar Store

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So, is Taco Bell in on the joke, or not?

Posted on by Standard 24

The other day I made a Facebook post about Taco Bell‘s commercials.  It got people excited, and it got me thinking.  Are Taco Bell’s commercials purposely aiming at stoners?  I would say yes, but maybe I’m over-thinking it.  Maybe it’s a humorous accident.  Maybe I just really want to try that Dorito taco shell.

Eric Carroll | Why doesn't Taco Bell just give up on "4th meal" and "late night munchies" and this Doritos shell business and just say "Taco Bell, get high and come to the border!" That "bawww" in their commercials might as well say "bong". Cheech & Chong would probably do their commercials. They reunited & probably could use some cash. _____ Guy Montag | i have no idea what you're talking about Jocelyn Sunder | double like! Eric Carroll | I may have to blog about this. Mike Copen | When are we getting the taco bell breakfast that cali gets? Eric Carroll | When our stoners learn to stay up that late? Jocelyn Sunder | will never happen dude, they're too tired Jocelyn Sunder | stoners are anti-morning Eric Carroll | Damn dirty hippies. Jocelyn Sunder | hey man that's racist. Jocelyn Sunder | you don't have to be a dirty hippie to be a stoner and the anti-pot dirty hippies probably don't appreciate your stereotypes lol Eric Carroll | Wait, what? Jocelyn Sunder | has anyone actually tried the dorito shell taco? just out of curiosity cause it looks gross to me but... you never know. Eric Carroll | Ha ha. Pot smokers don't have any reading comprehension unless they're high... so they won't care when they're able to understand my statements, and won't understand my statements when they'd care. Eric Carroll | The Dorito shell kind of scares me. Eric Carroll ‎| ...And Taco Bell is starting to have the Pizza Hut effect on me. Eric Carroll | https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/2010/12/19/wald-maze-letter-for-pizza-hut/ Eric Yanyo | I dunno but I'm getting awful sick of that stupid commercial where the dude drove 900 miles to get a stupid dorito taco. More like, he drove 900 seconds to the local 7-11 to get a bag of taco flavored doritoes and then take a nap. Eric Carroll | Ha. He drove 3 miles and forgot where he was going. That's how he ended up 900 miles away. Chuck Adams | They should stop marketing their laxatives as food... Eric Carroll | Late night trotskis... Kyle Healy | That's my bronco berry you're hating on pal Andrew Welsh | The Doritos shell is amazing. I love them and wish I could eat one every day. Eric Carroll | I'm not hating on it, I'm just saying stop hinting... and just say it.

♫♬ Late night munchies... ♫♬

I (of course) decided to write to Taco Bell and ask them about it.  Here’s what I sent…

⌓⌓⌓

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
To: Rob.Poetsch@yum.com
Cc: Brittany.Hunsaker@yum.com
Sent: Friday, April 20, 2012
Subject: ⌓ Taco Bell’s Drug Culture Advertising?

¡Hola, hombres from the border!

I’ve been wondering about your advertising for quite some time.  With phrases like “late night munchies” and “fourth meal”, are you actively trying to evoke a connection to pot smokers?  That “baaaawww” yell in you jingle might as well be the word “bong”.  Now with this Dorito taco shell and the kid that drove 900 miles to get one, it’s just pushing it over the edge.  Are you planning a film for it in the vein of Harold & Kumar go to White Castle?  If not, maybe you should.

I just can’t tell if you’re aware of it or not.  It’s genius either way.

If you are aware of it, wow.  Way to straddle the subculture line while subliminally (or not so) appealing to what has to be a core makeup of your consumer base.  If you’re not aware of it, then… well, maybe you ought to talk to your advertising agency or marketing department or whoever handles such campaigns.  They are the true geniuses to behold here.

Maybe I’m just hyper-aware of nonsense or trying to make correlations where there are none… and you really see no connection or intend one with your commercials and stoner culture.  I mean, I don’t partake… but consider myself well informed as I have seen Friday, Half Baked, and several Cheech & Chong movies.  I refuse to think I’m the only one that sees it.

If I see it, surely you see it too?  Why don’t you just come out & say it?  I have some possible new slogans for you…

⌓ “Cure the munchies with our crunchies!”
⌓ “Get baked at the Bell!”
⌓ “Fishbowl then drive thru!”
⌓ “Open late with a well lit parking lot for shady deals!”

Well, that last one needs some work.  I’m anxious to hear your thoughts on the whole thing.  Thank you for your time.

Inquisitively,
-Waldo
world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

⌓⌓⌓

TACO BELL | LEGALIZE POT OUR MENU IS FOR STONERS

At least the employees here agree (if this is indeed real).

I’m anxious to see what they send back.  Will they acknowledge it?  Will they be shocked?  Will they act surprised?

Did they give that kid enough coupons to equal 55½¢ per mile?  That’s $500 in Taco Bell Bucks… and depending on the year of that Volvo, he might not be getting that good of a deal on the gas milage.

I know, I’m over-analyzing the thing… but that’s what makes my blog fun.

I feel like they know exactly what they’re doing, but I guess there’s a fine line between finding your market & making overt marijuana references.  Perhaps the latter would get some people up in arms.  Has weed not become that acceptable yet?  I know functioning contributing members of society that smoke… but then again I have seen some people that are consumed by it.

TACO BELL | WE SUPPORT PROPOSITION 19 ~LOL~

They don't really make tilde characters for those signs, do they?

I guess it’s still illegal… so they can’t tell you to bake up & amble slowly to the border.  Actually, a string of “get high responsibly & feed yourself at Taco Bell” ads would be really really funny… or a play on the medical/medicinal angle.  Health food to go with your special green medicine & help with that nasty glaucoma?

Do you feel like Taco Bell knows what they’re doing, or do you think it’s a string of coincidence?

Are they advertising to stoners and dirty pot smoking hippies (I use that term with affection), or am I thinking too much?

Would you drive 900 miles for a Dorito shell taco?  Would you do it if Taco Bell footed the bill?  Have you tried one?  Did you like it?

Do you get late night munchies?  Do you enjoy a fourth meal?  Are you a dirty pot smoking hippie?  Do you work at Taco Bell’s ad agency?

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Leaving Early

Posted on by Standard 3

I’ve noticed a trend of people leaving early at punk rock shows and at hockey games.  I’m sure it’s happening other places too. It’s glaringly obvious that as a society our attention spans are shortening while our focus hones in on our own satisfaction.  I guess I’ll have to give into the trend.

Here’s my list of more suggested places to leave early…

  1. When Dining Out – Order something you don’t like for dessert, then leave before it gets there because you don’t want it anyway.  Brave diners can also skip paying the bill.
  2. The Doctor’s Office – No clocks in the waiting room?  Making you routinely wait for an hour later than your scheduled appointment time, yet whining if you’re 10 minutes late?  Leave before the doctor gets there, you probably don’t want to hear the results anyway.
  3. The Movies – They’re all remakes any more anyway.  Haven’t you already seen this?  You know how it’s going to end.  Chances are you’re texting or even talking on your phone the whole time anyway.
  4. Church – Just getting in the door counts, right?  Leave before all that pesky sermon about morals and other nonsense… and get to the local diner/brunch buffet before everyone else!
  5. Work – Eight hours?  That’s just crazy.

Have any more suggestions?

Dine & Dash!

What the hell is this?

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Bronco Scores Again!

Posted on by Standard 9

Well, I didn’t get Jalapeño Bites back at Arby’s yet, but I did answer a tweet from Radio Shack… and it got me a free T-shirt and some moral support for the cause!  Messing around on Twitter & insanity are well rewarded these days, I guess.

https://twitter.com/#!/RadioShack/status/190424115423887361
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/190425836485218304
https://twitter.com/#!/RadioShack/status/190454336034308097

I DM’ed them and told them of me real name and my cause.  I think more companies are engaging people personally & directly with Twitter like this, and it’s a great thing.  Who doesn’t like free stuff?

Today the mailman delivered some goodies…

Bronco Jalapeño wins a Radio Shack T-shirt!

Free stuff!

The card s pretty cool too!

Eric, While this shirt can't replace Arby's jalapeño poppers, we hope it comforts you through your withdrawal. Thanks for tweeting at us and for being a fan. Tweet us a pic of your new duds when your shirt gets there. Thanks again! - Billy

@Bronco_Jalapeno #ThanksRadioShack...? Yes, yes he does.

Hilarious.  How fun is that?  I do need some soldering stuff, I guess it’s off to Radio Shack for the stuff next time I need it!  (I might get a couple of capacitors to mess around with.)

So, thanks to Radio Shack for being cool, for the laugh, & for the T-shirt!

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I need something to put my junk in.

Posted on by Standard 6

So, recently I’ve been thinking about getting some sort of messenger bag to keep some stuff in.  Let the jokes begin.  I know I have made fun of the vaunted murse before.  Hipsters everywhere would have admonished my belittling of their manbags.

Jim Dunlop Tortex Fin Pick 1.14mm (Purple)I just have too much stuff in my pockets.  Here’s an inventory for you right now…

I’ve also been carrying around my leather coat that’s like my own personal medicine cabinet.  It’s too hot to be carrying around a leather jacket, and the stuff is too bulky for hoodie pockets.  (It’ll be too hot to wear those soon, too.)  It usually has…

  • Daily stomach medicine
  • “Calm down if I need it” medicine

And right now some…

This is clearly getting out of hand.  I’m not sure what to do, but I need to do something.  There’s an old Dennis the Menace cartoon (or the TV show or a movie) where he empties his pockets and it’s a never-ending pile of stuff.  I feel like that, without the slingshot or overalls.

I joked with my wife one night that I needed a purse to keep all my stuff in.  Then I kept thinking that it might not be a bad idea to get a bookbag or something.  I have a nice backpack for the laptop… but I don’t have the need to carry the laptop anywhere daily.

I did take the discussion to Twitter, and gained encouragement from @allergicgirl, @VickysMama & @kyledine.

https://twitter.com/#!/kyledine/status/191867530833428481
https://twitter.com/#!/kyledine/status/190908291054977024
https://twitter.com/#!/allergicgirl/status/190866006305013760
https://twitter.com/#!/allergicgirl/status/191142565410635777

I feel like if I had a backpack, I’d be obligated to fill it with stuff.  I could fill a messenger bag with a bunch of stuff easily.  A multi-tool, an mp3 player, maybe a tablet & more pens.

I could get a small one, like Indiana Jones.  I fear I’d look more like Alan from The Hangover.  Big?  Small?  Leather?  Suede?  Canvas?  Nylon?  Patches?  No Patches?  (I could go the safety-pin, 1″ button, patch route.)  So many decisions.

Perception vs. Reality?

Perception vs. Reality?

My wife, Bethany, seems to think I won’t carry it, might lose it, or that the infatuation would quickly wear off.  Maybe she just doesn’t want  a husband that carries a purse?

I don’t see the fanny pack or those epi pen belt holders as an option.  Maybe a leg one?  And maybe a small pill box?

What do you think?

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What’s in Cheerios that’s also in pee?

Posted on by Standard 10

Cheerios

Cheeri-uh-ohs.

TMI Alert! Sometimes, my pee smells like Cheerios.  I bet yours occasionally does too.  It happens when you’re dehydrated.

I don’t eat Cheerios that often, but if I did… I might stop.  I don’t know if the generic Cheerios smell like that too, or if it’s just the original.

I might need a scientist to chime in here.  What is the common ingredient?  More importantly why do Cheerios and urine share an ingredient?  Why does it smell like that?

Not so cheery O's.

Not so cheery O's.

It’s just crazy to me.

Why would I want to eat something that smells like urine?  Didn’t anyone at the Cheerios factory ever think “Wow, it smells like pee in here?”

Seriously.  I need answers.  Cheerios doesn’t answer tweets, I guess.  I’m also guessing that they probably won’t address my concerns.  They don’t address this issue on their Q&A page.  There’s not even a submit button on their contact page.  Well, there is, but it disappears after you fill out all the fields…

What's My Pee Telling Me?

Dr. Stool Might Know?

Can anyone in the medical community chime in here?

I understand that if my pee smells like Cheerios, that I need to drink more water, but again… why would my pee smell like Cheerios, and why on earth would Cheerios smell like pee?

What’s in my pee that’s also in Cheerios generating that smell?

This is crazier than the whole asparagus thing.

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Bronco Jalapeño Rides Again!

Posted on by Standard 20

So my friends, Arby’s is true to their word.  They said they’d send me some Bronco Berry Sauce, and they sure did.  (By the way, Bronco Jalapeño is my thinly veiled alter ego in case you haven’t been following along.)

https://twitter.com/#!/Arbys/status/184987918207680513

I walked into the house today and saw this rather large box on the couch where I normally sit.  My wife had arrived home a little while earlier, and brought it inside.  FedEx dropped it off on the front porch earlier in the day.

I saw my name, then the Arby’s logo, and I could hardly contain my excitement.

A case of Arby's Bronco Berry Sauce

...For me?

I mean, I thrive on the ridiculous, and this is most certainly ridiculous.  This couldn’t be a box full of Bronco Berry Sauce, could it?  Indeed, it could.  Absolutely ridiculous.  Personal supply?  I mean, I like to eat but…

240 Packs of Bronco Berry Sauce!

Yee-haw!

That is a whole lot of horses and berries!  Well, it would be… if Bronco Berry Sauce actually contained any broncos or berries.  The label on the box says that it’s 240 1.5 oz. containers of this decadently delightful dip.  It also contained this lovely letter…

Dear Mr. Carroll, Your voice has been heard! Believe me; no one takes sauces more seriously than Arby's. And, we know how a craving for our succulent Bronco Berry Sauce can send a person over the edge when they can't get their fix. So, never fear. Arby's Bronco Berry Calvary has personally secured a box of the top-secret sauce just for you. Think of it as your own personal stash to satisfy that craving whenever and wherever it hits you. Now, we know that your demands also included bringing back Jalapeno Bites to the Pittsburgh area. And, as you uncovered, restaurants in each market determine whether to serve the fiery goodness of Jalapeno Bites or the equally as delicious Loaded Potato Bites. While we cannot reverse the "Bites" decision at this time, we have shared your passion for the pungent peppers with the Marketing Team. We hope that our small gesture has eased your pain and that you will reconsider your sauce sit-in. Sincerely, Hala Moddelmog President

Hala Moddelmog

Hala Moddelmog, President of Arby's

A letter from the President of Arby’s?  Hala Moddelmog rules.  I mean, I don’t see the presidents of McDonald’s, Wendy’s, or Pizza Hut responding to a crazy person on the internet with such individually directed kindness & generosity.

I’m obviously going to need help finishing this case.  It expires in June, so I highly doubt we can get through it all.  Want some Bronco Berry Sauce?  I’m willing to share what is now a rarity in our region.

I’m saddened by the news that Jalapeño Bites won’t be returning to Arby’s in Pittsburgh any time soon, but I do believe that my emails have actually been passed along.  I will pass on the Occupy Arby’s sauce sit-in.  But I still may write a song, even if no one helps me.

Perhaps the song will be the thing that puts our market managers and the marketing team over the edge.  I’ll have to write to my new friend Ms. Moddlemog, and see exactly where to direct my comments.

I almost want to build something out of them.  It looks like 1 or 2 popped (or was squeezed) open, but it’s an acceptable loss.  I mean, it was free.  We had some Bronco Berry Sauce tonight with a few Tyson chicken tenders for dinner in lieu of boring old bottle barbecue sauce.

Bronco Jalapeño’s appetite may be satisfied for now, but my quest is not over.  Arby’s in Pittsburgh, are you listening?  Bring back the Jalapeño bites!  This potato bite shenanigans is just that, shenanigans.

To follow the story from the start, check out these posts:

  1. Arby’s :: Bronco Berry Sauce®
  2. OCCUPY ARBY’S
  3. You may call me… “Bronco Jalapeño”
  4. Conflicting Information from Arby’s… (Help Bronco Jalapeño write a song!)
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The dangers of posting punk rock lyrics on the internet…

Posted on by Standard 3

This whole thing just blows my mind.  You must read this story.  It’s entertaining and scary all at once.  It’s even oddly comforting to a certain extent… but mostly scary (and entertaining).  Sorry to make light of it all, but it’s quite amusing.  I think the author knows that, and was part of the motivation for sharing.

This is how I became aware of the whole thing…

@livefastdieawesome H E R E W E G O ! #fbi #foia

@livefastdieawesome H E R E W E G O ! #fbi #foia

Being a fan of letters to places, and this being a big place…  my interest was piqued…

https://twitter.com/#!/AiXeLsyD13/status/188279495864754176

https://twitter.com/#!/LIVEFASTDIEAWSM/status/188279681487867906

https://twitter.com/#!/LIVEFASTDIEAWSM/status/188280201673838593

https://twitter.com/#!/LIVEFASTDIEAWSM/status/188281474171154432

https://twitter.com/#!/LIVEFASTDIEAWSM/status/188281885246504961

https://twitter.com/#!/LIVEFASTDIEAWSM/status/188286471155884034

Reading it floored me.  I mean how crazy is this story?  I can’t do it justice by framing or summarizing… Just go read it:

…even the stars are ill at ease.

I’m still waiting for part 2.  For real.

So kids, be careful quoting random song lyrics or movie lines on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, or whatever’s next.  The FBI is watching you.  Or, don’t be careful and make your next highly political crust punk band J. Edgar Twitter or Facebook’em.  Make songs titles as provoking as possible.  Maybe you’ll get some agents to come to shows.

FBI Badge & gun.

FBI Badge & gun. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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