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We have gotten some great feedback so far, and I dig it!
I really appreciate Mike helping take my mazes to something other than doodles on paper piling up here at the house, or floating out there in the cyberspace ether unnoticed. Ha ha. I am unable to determine the correct path on how to go about making a book and if there would even be an audience for just mazes. I’m really not into making a theme other than “here are some mazes” outside the occasional inspiration for something else that’s goofy. (Or on something that’s goofy.)
Narrator: “Up next on Guitar Hoarders; Jim, 48, a self-professed ‘Blues Lawyer’ from Oaklahoma is going through a divorce due to his recent failure to remove 27 partscasters from his bathroom, leaving his soon-to-be-ex-wife to do her business in the rose bushes out back.”
Narrator: “Jim’s wife, Tonya, thought the rented apartment two towns over was for another woman, but it was way worse than she could have imagined. It was full of Chibsons and falsely advertised ‘Lawsuit Era’ LP copies that were actually nothing of the sort.”
Tonya: “I wish his browser history had said PornHub or RedTube, but no… it was all Reverb, eBay, ShopGoodwill, Craigslist, and the lowest of the low… local & national guitar forums on Facebook!
Don’t even get me started on LetGo and OfferUp. I wish I had found Tinder or even Grinder. That, I could deal with.”
Narrator: “Tonya did at least see a bright side to all of the madness.”
Tonya: “I mean, I guess at least it wasn’t Reddit.”
Jim: “I guess I don’t need that many guitars. I mean, I don’t get to play as often as I like. Most of my time is spent online explaining to n00bz how tone wood makes a huge difference, why I think Gibson is overrated and how they have gone downhill, the best types of wood for a fretboard, you know… the important stuff. There are some real idiots out there. How can you have fun if you’re not getting the best possible tone from your fingers?”
Narrator: “Jim is seemingly unaware that he has a problem.”
Jim: “GAS? No, never heard of it. Wait, is that the psychobilly jam-band that plays every open stage night at Free Beer Tomorrow over in Tulsa? No?
Anyway, did you know that Slash’s Les Paul that he used on Appetite for Destructionwasn’t even a Gibson? And now they endorse him? I mean. If you don’t know that, you shouldn’t even be allowed to play Guitar Hero.”
Tonya: “I’m currently living with my sister. Her husband plays the bass, so he can’t afford to have a hoarding problem.”
Jim: “That guy? He doesn’t even know the difference between active and passive pickups. Heh.”
Narrator: “At this time, Jim refuses counseling. He thinks they can work it out.”
Jim: “I was teaching her how to play, but Mel Bay is so dumb. We re-started with a ‘Top 50 riffs of all time’article form an old guitar magazine out of my pile. I mean, there are only 8 notes, right? Or is it 12?
I was trying to tell these guys at the county fair that they were playing the riff for ‘Lay Down Sally’ wrong, but you just can’t tell some people things. I have a tabographic memory. That’s where you can instantly remember every guitar tab that you have ever seen.”
🎸
TLC, I have another TV show for you. This is a comment from a guitar group gone awry because I amuse myself way too much. Who wants to do a YouTube sketch comedy show for a very specific audience?
The song “Degenerated” from the movie Airheads is one of my all-time favorites. If you’re a fan of the movie, you no-doubt know the song. And if you’re a music nerd in general, you probably know that it’s a Reagan Youth cover. I would love to know more about the song. I have collected most of the “who,” but I would love to know the “why.”
Check out the two songs and then we’ll get into why I have so many questions & what they are.
OK, here are the players involved from the information that I gathered on Wikipedia, IMDB, Discogs, & wherever else I clicked;
Jay Yuenger and Sean Yseult of White Zombie fame played on the recording of the song, with Brendan Fraser on vocals. (Seriously, that bass part so damn awesome, & the guitar solo is blistering. Sean & Jay both really rocked it.)
Yuenger & Bryan Carlstrom produced the track. Bryan produced & engineered stuff by White Zombie, Alice in Chains, Anthrax, The Offspring, Social Distortion, & more.
Who decided to use the song? The director, the music guy, the writer, the musicians?
Why that song? The running joke about Chazz writing the song for his girlfriend or before he met her makes it even funnier because I wouldn’t remotely call it a love song. Did someone just really like the song? Was licensing cheap all around? Did they ask Paul Cripple for permission? What does he think of the song? Did Dave Insurgent ever get to hear it?
Why metal up a punk rock song? They seemed like an 80’s holdover kind of band. Was it a statement on Grunge being a punk n’ metal hybrid?
Why are there different chord changes? The chord progression is different, but the melody (and I use the term loosely) is the same. The cover may be tuned below standard if I remember correctly? Someone more musically versed may be able to explain the difference I just know when playing by ear on guitar they’re totally different progressions.
Why the lyric change?( I assume to keep the movie rated PG-13?) Most notably a removal of the F-word and references to constipation (Lone Rangers Lyrics/Reagan Youth Lyrics). Who made the changes?
Who played drums? Jay, Sean, Bryan, or were there other uncredited musicians?
“The Lone Rangers? That’s original. How can you pluralize ‘Lone Ranger?'”
I’m sure I have more questions that I haven’t thought of here. Does anyone out there know the explanation?
It is 2017. I may have to reach out via Facebook , Twitter, or email to all of the players involved to see if I can get an answer. (If they even remember.)
Sadly, Dave Insurgent passed away in 1993 & Bryan Carlstrom passed away in 2013.
I just really dig both versions of the song, the movie, and that it led me to checking out more Reagan Youth. Is it weird to be a fan of a song by a fictional band? Hey, I dig “Three Small Words” too, and that was produced by Babyface.
Do you like either version of this song? Do you have a song by a fictional band that you really dig? Do you know any of the relevant information here? Let me know in the comments!
Now I’m off to look at naked pictures of Bea Arthur and eat cottage cheese out of a football helmet.
Last night we were watching the end of Empire Strikes Back on TV when the kids & I got home from a trip to Target. Molly was full of questions, including but not limited to;
☆ What happens if he gets hit by those pewers?
☆ Why does he have a pewer?
What are those pewer things called?
☆ Why are they blasters?
☆ I called them pewers because I didn’t know what they were called. They sound like “pew pew.”
☆ Why is C-3PO in a net?
☆ Why does he have a lightsaber too?
☆ Why is it blue?
☆ Does Darth Vader have a pewer?
☆ Why is a lightsaber more civilized?
☆ Why did they freeze him?
☆ Where are they taking him?
☆ Why does he owe Jabba the Hutt Money?
☆ Boba Fett is a good guy. Is Boba Fett a good guy?
☆ How does he fight without his hand?
☆ Why is Darth Vader a bad guy?
☆ Why is Chewbacca choking that guy?
☆ Why is R2-D2 smoking?
☆ Why is C-3PO holding his leg?
☆ Where is Chewbacca going?
☆ Why are there animals and people and robots all together?
☆ What is that place?
☆ But what part of Cloud City are they in?
☆ Why is there a big hole to fall down?
☆ Where does it go?
☆ Why is there a slide there?
☆ It’s a good thing that bridge is there. Why is that bridge there?
Ian calls Darth Vader “Tai Tai” or “Kai Kai” and we have no idea why. He was also excited to see “Bobo Baba” (Boba Fett) and “Doot Doot” (R2-D2).
He weaseled his way back downstairs later to manage to catch some Ewok (“Weeewok”) action in Return of the Jedi. Ha ha.
As you can imagine because I’m blogging about it, many questions came to mind. It’s hard to even know where to begin.
We’ll start with the obvious. Who would pay $3 for a VHS cassette of any movie, let alone this movie? I mean Gladiator was a good film… but here is a shortlist of better values available online…
This is just for physical media. I didn’t even look into streaming. I get that not everyone is set up to stream and that some people (myself included) like to put their hands on physical tangible media.
Who has a working VCR? OK. I do, but I’m odd. It’s a VCR/DVD-recorder, and someday I will transfer all of my VHS tapes to DVD (which is already a dead format). Who is still watching video tapes? I mean, watching the old 4:3 aspect ratio drives me nuts these days.
The other side of this… who goes through their stuff, decides they can part with this, and assigns a $3 value to it? I mean, I could see if this was a collector’s item. I have Star Wars on VHS and I’ll probably have it forever, but The Gladiator? Sure, it was a good movie… but not that good. Why were they even still making video tapes in the year 2000?
What do you need that badly that costs $3? This wouldn’t be worth the gas money or the bus fair to meet someone to make the sale.
I have been strapped for cash, but never would think to list what essentially amounts to garbage for a negligible value on a Facebook flea market group. If this sells, I really have a lot of stuff that I need to be listing for under $5 amounts.
I love the Misfits. You may or may not love the Misfits. They have some great songs. They have some really great songs beyond the confines of the Misfits. There also exists many terrible terrible things under the Fiend Club umbrella.
We’re going to play a game.
Which is the worst?
Please, spill some fanboy tears and discuss. I’d love you to elaborate on your answers, and maybe even point out something I’ve missed.
Oprah Money & Dick Cheney Power – This could be the cover, because… Why not?
OK, so if I had Oprah money and Dick Cheney power, and could treat other human beings like my own personal play things… I would commission two local Pittsburgh metal bands to do an epic cover split. Do bands that aren’t punk bands do splits? Well, they will if they’re my playthings.
Why? Why not? I love obscure and nonsensical covers. I like these bands. They would probably not want any part of this. I mean, guys in bands LOVE it when you go up to them and spew out “You know what song you guys should cover?” then ramble off dumb ideas like this.
Witches gather at black masses
Bodies burning in red ashes
On the hill the church in ruin
Is the scene of evil doings
It’s a place for all bad sinners
Watch them eating dead rats’ innards
I guess it’s the same wherever you may go
Oh Lord yeah
Carry banners which denounce the lord
See me rocking in my grave
See them anoint my head with dead rat’s blood
See them stick the stake through me
Oh
Don’t hold me back cause I’ve just gotta go
They’ve got a hold of my soul now
Lords got my brain instinct with blood obscene
Look in my eyes I’m there enough
Yeah
On the scene a priest appears
Sinners falling at his knees
Satan sends out funeral pyre
Casts the priest into the fire
It’s the place for all bad sinners
Watch them eating dead rats’ innards
I guess it’s the same wherever you may go
Oh lord yeah
Because Mutiny on the Bounty’s what we’re all about
I’m gonna board your ship and turn it on out
No soft sucker with a parrot on his shoulder
‘Cause I’m bad gettin’ bolder, cold cold gettin’ colder
Terrorizin’ suckers on the seven seas
And if you’ve got beef, you get capped in the knees
We got sixteen men on a dead man’s chest
And I shot those suckers and I’ll shoot the rest
Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
‘Cause I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Shh! Snatchin’ gold chains, vikin’ pieces of eight
I got your money and your honey and the fly name plate
We got wenches on the benches and bitties with titties
Housin’ all girlies from city to city
One for all and all for one
Takin’ out MC’s with a big shotgun
All for one and one for all
Because the Beastie Boys have gone A.W.O.L
Friggin’ in the riggin’, man, cuttin’ your throat
Big bitin’ suckers gettin’ thrown in the moat
We got maidens and wenches, man they’re on the ace
Captain Bligh’s gonna die when we break his face
Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Torchin’ and crackin’ and rhymin’ and stealin’
Robbin’ and rapin’, bustin’ two in the ceilin’
I’m wheelin’, I’m dealin’, I’m drinkin’, not thinkin’
Never cower, never shower and I’m always stinkin’
Yo ho ho and a pint of Brass Monkey
And when my girlie shakes her hips she sure gets funky
Skirt chasin’, free basin’, killin’ every village
We drink and rob and rhyme and pillage
Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
I was drinkin’ my rum, a deaf son of a gun
I fought the law and I cold won
Black Beard’s weak, Moby Dick’s on the tick
‘Cause I pull out the jammy and I squeeze off six
My pistol is loaded, I shot Betty Crocker
Deliver Colonel Sanders down to Davey Jones’ locker
Rhymin’ and stealin’ in a drunken state
And I’ll be rockin’ my rhymes all the way to hell’s gate
Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
‘Cause I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Most chillinest b-boy
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Most killingest b-boy
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Most dustin’ out b-boy, I’m tossin’ my dust
Most finkinest b-boy, I’m doin’ that finkin’
Most rhyminest b-boy, I’m stretchin’ my shade
Most shootinest b-boy, I think you’re shit
Most rhyminest b-boy, I’ll steal your shit homeboy
Most taxinest b-boy, I’ll tax you boy
Most illingest illingest illingest b-boy
Taxin’ all y’all squares, yeah!
Maybe change “b-boy” to “pirate” or something? Bandit? Looter? Outlaw? Maybe the line “Because the Beastie Boys have gone A.W.O.L” to “‘Cause the Bloody Seamen have gone A.W.O.L”? I’d pee my pants if I heard you all rapping.
So what would it take, guys? Can we get a Kickstarter going, or what?
This year, we’ll have 3 bowls of treats for Halloween. We’ll have the traditional chocolate gooey goodness, a bowl of peanut/tree-nut free treats, and a bowl entirely made up of non-food party favor-ish goodies.
Why? Why not? I was able to pick up a bunch of party favors at the Dollar Tree, and my wife Bethany got some Halloween themed stuff from Target. The no-nuts candy wasn’t a big deal either, all we had to do was read the label… which we’re used to. Even the extra bowl was only $1. It wasn’t a whole lot of effort or money.
Even painting a foam pumpkin teal for use for years to come wasn’t a big deal, or printing the posters from the FARE website. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that. This is a movement. It started with some of the most kick-ass people on the planet, food allergy moms in Tennessee.
My point, I guess, is that it isn’t a lot of effort but it can be a big huge gigantic deal for a kid. What’s a big deal? To feel included on a holiday where you’re hyper aware that you’re different. To know that this piece of candy doesn’t contain nuts or wasn’t “processed in a facility that may also use peanuts or tree nuts.” To know that if you’re allergic to dairy or chocolate or just about everything that everyone else can eat or isn’t one of the top 8, but this little trinket or toy (or 2 or 3 if you’re at our house) is all yours. To know that you don’t have to go home & “trade up” for safe candy on this one. To know that your parents didn’t have to drop off a safe treat with all the neighbors ahead of time, and that someone else “gets” it.
I always liked getting those Little Hugs drinks(which may be a safe treat), but some people would complain about the weight. That would have been gone by the time I got back to the road when I was a kid. Then again, times have changed. When I was a kid, we had to play the “guess who you are” game. If I asked a kid his name now, the next ring of the doorbell would probably be the local police. Also, kids… always let your parents check your candy for razor blades or syringes.
Like I said, we read labels. Luckily shellfish is generally easy form me to avoid in packaged foods, slightly less so in restaurants. Our little girl Molly can’t do eggs. Well, she can do eggs baked into things, but has to avoid straight up eggs, mayonnaise, some mustards, custard, and we just noticed… Mallow Cups? (I hate them, they are the devil’s candy. The wife loves them though… even though it tastes like someone replaced the inside of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup with sunscreen.) Will we have to avoid meringue too? Who knows? Hopefully she outgrow her allergy, I’ll never get over mine without some kind of cure.
There are many others out there going through the same thing. We can stick together, and support each other. We can ask those without any food allergies to support us too. Spreading awareness is the key to keeping us all safe. So, take a few minutes to learn about the #TealPumpkinProject. Use the hashtag on social media (Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, Tumblr, etc.), get a pumpkin and paint it teal, and/or print out the fliers. Get some safe treats.
World (and Lunar) Domination 