Category Archives: Rants in my pants

Super old music scene rant… Unprofessionalism [2005]

Posted on by Standard 6

I just mentioned this in a blog, and then I found it.  I think this was on my MySpace blog, but I can’t find it there.  It’s an old rant from 2005 that I emailed to myself for some reason.  I don’t know if I ever posted it anywhere?  Maybe I did then deleted it?  It’s incredibly whiny and laced with profanity.  I sound like a little crybaby.  That’s what happens when you go on the internet & rant, I guess.

Русский: Jim Dunlop - Original Crybaby (GCB-95)

Wrong kind of crybaby...

I felt like posting it since I did reference it.  It wasn’t exactly on the same topic, but it is a guy in a band whining about stupid show-related problems.  When it all comes down to it, I just have fun jamming.  None of this trivial BS outweighs that.  I can’t express that enough.  I’m glad to have a current band that rocks & is a continuance of such fun.

Maybe I made this private or didn’t post it because I named names.  None of the band names or venues exist, or are at all relevant any more, which I guess says a lot.  Maximum effort, minimal results.

-✍-

Unprofessionalism

Is that even a word? Well, now it is. Everyone’s always complaining about the Pittsburgh “scene”, and stating what the problems are or what-not… Okay… not everyone… just people involved in it who like to complain I guess. Well, I have another complaint to add to this mysterious master list that bites my ass… and I don’t know how to put a tag on it other than “Unprofessionalism”. Really, before you pick the term apart… I realize that most bands on the local level & most bands that we deal with aren’t doing this “professionally” per se… they’re not making a living at it, they’re doing it more as a hobby or fun activity. Well, good for you… I do it because I love it too. Sometimes, some people (musicians & booking people) make it hard to love.

People, unintentionally or not… can be assholes. Now, I’m a very laid back kinda guy (ask anyone). Although, I guess I get uptight at certain things… like when I can’t get straight answers… and when things that my name (or my bands’ name as an extension of that) are attached to go otherwise than according to plan.

Two ball-breakers hit for this weekend’s double header.

First one, not so big of a deal, but annoying as all hell in my eyes. We’re put on a last minute show. Okay. No biggie. No notice? Someone pulled out? Okay. All I ask is that I get the details, as I guess I’m the self-appointed show-pimper(-nazi). When I mean details… I mean time, cost, address, website and/or phone # of venue, name of venue, name(s) of band(s) playing, and said bands’ website url’s. Not particularly toilsome information to provide, right? Well, apparently this is the most difficult task to ever assign anyone who calls themselves a musician, booking agent, or club owner. No one ever knows the ☠⚡☣☢ing answer to anything. The ‘confirm the date and I’ll get back to you’ shit is stupid… they get back to you the week before hand, and expect you to have a place packed with your fans and friends. People need to know what the hell is going on before they commit to something. People (me) need to know what the hell is going on before the show… a month before… so they can advertise, flyer, talk about it, get the word out.

Why are the other bands important? Well… people are more likely to go out to a show if there’s 3 bands they like vs. just one. Which brings me back to the point where I think I was going before I got to a rant inside of a rant inside of a rant…

The early show at the Spider Lounge… we were given a list of bands that’re playing. I start promoting on last minute notice that there’s a show going on, we’re playing, & this is who else is playing… The Abbitoir Murders see said advertising… and they’re like… “Hey, we’re not on that…” Apparently, one guy is even going to be out of town, so there’s no way they could. Turns out they were asked the vague ‘wanna play a show’ question, never heard anything as far as details, and assumed it went kaput. Now, this is not their fault. It’s the fault of whoever set up the show. Who did set up the show? I dunno. I thought we had set up a central booking guy in order to keep all of the shit in line… so all details & info could go through him and he could ask the right questions… but apparently no one passes show info to him other than me. There was a reason for my madness that apparently no one else sees here. The way I see it though, I’ll play anywhere… so I go along with this, even though I have no idea what the ☠⚡☣☢ is going on. Don’t blame me if we can’t bring any people out because I can’t answer any detailed questions. One thing I hate more than other people being dumb, is looking dumb myself. I get word out on everything I know… then everything changes, and I look like an idiot that doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground.

In with this gripe goes websites… I ask for band or venue urls.., and I’m surprised at how many have none or incredibly out-dated information. It’s 2005. Everyone knows someone with the internet. There are free sites out there, like this one, that can get information about your place up & out. Message me if you want help with this. I’ll do it gladly. That way… when people are like “I don’t know”, we can go to the website to check out times, directions, schedules, lists of bands, etc… but even at that, the shit changes so often because bands are pulling out, or people are saying the so-and-so band is gonna be there when what they meant is that they were thinking about asking that band to maybe play… so what’s the f’n use I guess? Then I get the band’s “too new” to have a website. Well, if you’re too new to have a website, you’re too new to play a show. Get the word out there before you play. Start some hype. Tell people about yourself.

In with all the above is what I call the AMC/Club Angel’s Phenomenon. This includes some strange practices indeed… the AMC part is where you book three bands after telling the club you’ll take care of it… then you get there and 3 more bands have been added to the show, yet it’s set to start at the same time as previously advertised… and somehow, the bands that were added go on 1st, take way too long to set up, play for 45 min., and the bands you’ve booked & your bands get ☠⚡☣☢ed into short sets and playing after PA’s teen-driving curfew time so no one’s left to watch you anyway… not even the fans that were pissed that they came out too see you & had to leave before you went on, or face the possible wrath of a bored state trooper, or irate parent. The Club Angel’s side is where they call you and put you on a show… tell you the names of 2 other bands that’re playing… so you advertise those bands… get there, and find there’s five other bands on the show… none of which are the two you’ve been advertising.

Wow… all of that ranting and confusion from one little show?

The next show… we’ve had planned for how long? I dunno… a long time. Us, Moment of Tragedy, & the Have Nots. This show? Jason booked it so we have all the bands set, all the details set, things were confirmed, flyers were made & put up, and all is good to go. No problem, right?

Well, today… (the day before the show) We’re informed that the Have Nots are no longer a band. Okay. The Have Nots are a great band. They’ve put us on shows before. I love to watch them play. They all seem like nice guys. But, seriously… WHAT THE ☠⚡☣☢? I know, shit happens. You might not get along anymore. You might not have practiced a lot lately. All things that don’t happen overnight… so this falls under “Things that should have been brought to our attention prior to yesterday” (to paraphrase Robbie the wedding singer). And… again… this show has been planned for a while. Is there no such thing as being honor-bound to play, or finding someone to take your place? We still haven’t gotten “official” word. Were they just gonna be a no-show tomorrow had Mike not talked to Ed?

I’ve only ever backed out of a show one time… that’s when Boner & Ben quit AiXeLsyD the morning of a video shoot that we were to have at Angry Johnny’s for “Stand Up” in order to appear on Pittsburgh cable show The Venue. There was a whole lot of chaos going on that day, so it was understandable IMO. Other than that, any time shit arose… we either played w/o a band member, got someone to replace a band member & learn a set within weeks (Thanks Jake, now of the Last Hope, for helping form the Fismits and opening for the Undead when AiXeLsyD couldn’t do it!), and An-Die and I have even played acoustic sets when a drummer bailed. The Rally Ally loved that shit. Even that day we cancelled… I called around like a mother-☠⚡☣☢er trying to get someone out who knew our drum parts… and then, eventually called everyone putting the show together and told them we couldn’t make it. I’d never just bail & not pass the word on.

Is there no code of honor among musicians? No common bond? No feeling of being on the same team or striving for the same goal? Get some convictions, people.

The whole booking thing before… I could get involved in our whole deal with Shadrag’s Entertainment, but I digress… and we’ll save that story for another day.

So… in conclusion (you were following that I was making a point here, right?) maybe all the Pittsburgh scene needs is for all of us to get our shit together. We need to plan, organize, and follow through. It’s not that hard. Well, I know it’s hard for artists of any type to do anything so regimented… but if you stay regimented in this facet, maybe it will push you to be even more free on the artistic side. Who knows? Try it, you might like it. If we all got our facts straight before we answered questions, if we all advertised the same shit for the same day & time, if we all stuck to our commitments, and if we all communicated better… we’d have a hell of a lot more fun in a less stressful environment.

The night view of Pittsburgh skyline from Moun...

Yinzburgh

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Onlywatchthebandwithaguy(orgirl)thatIknowinit-itis

Posted on by Standard 4

This ties in with an earlier blog post.  I’m just trying to figure out how to reach people.  When people who have never heard of us catch us play, we generally have people coming up to say they dig it. It’s a good feeling.  I’d like it to happen more often because I think the band is doing a fun thing, and I’d like more people to share in the fun.

Getting people to come out in the first place is one struggle.  Getting yourself in front of an audience that’s already there is another struggle.  Getting people to watch you once they’re there seems to be an entirely different struggle.

We'd like to thank Bobby for coming out tonight!

Has this ever happened to you? Yes, it has.

Lately I’ve seen a trend of bands telling people saying “hey we’re 1st, come early” or “hey we’re last, come late” then their fans show up for just them & don’t bother to check anyone else out.   I generally tell people to come for the whole show & check out the other bands.  We try to book shows with bands we dig, just for this reason.

Spider-\m/an

Spider-Man :: This has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that I found it hilarious.

I hate to come of as a whiner, and I know I will to some readers.  I’m just trying to express my frustrations, and this blog is a forum for just that.  In fact, it’s my forum for just that.  I’m trying to work it out for myself & to possibly get some insight from other local (and some not so local) musicians.

In fact, I think I have ranted about this very topic online before, maybe just a similar one… but I can’t seem to find it anywhere.

I also don’t want to dismiss the people that come see us at just about every show.  Your presence is incredibly important to us, and we value it.  We just want some more people there to watch with you, and we don’t want things to get stale where you’re seeing the same show over & over.  Even if you’ve only caught us once, or if you’ve bought a T-shirt, or told us you liked a video online… you are awesome and we truly appreciate your support & attendance.

I recently saw the worst case ever of this crazy only-watch-the-band-with-a-guy-I-know-in-it thing going on.  We played a show where people watched the band they came to see, then just absolutely bailed.  Not even the bands stuck around to check out the other acts, one of which was a touring act & the reason we were all playing the show.  It’s disrespectful.  I get that stuff comes up, & sometimes you need to go.  It happens.  Sometimes there’s burnout.  Sometimes there’s arrogance.  Sometimes there are good reasons.  Sometimes you’re just being ignorant.

I know personally that a bunch of people from my wife’s family came out to a show at a bar once where my wife & I absolutely love the wings.  We had told everyone how cool the place was, they all decided to come to the ‘Burgh to eat some legendary wings & watch my band play… killing 2 birds with one stone.  They sat through one band that everyone liked, then through a 2nd band that was just absolutely awful… one member was so drunk and/or high that he would strum the guitar and look down at it dazed for a minute or so while apparently hearing stuff that none of the rest of us could.  This was all endured just to see us play.  The place was packed all night, the bands & their fans watched each other, and everyone had a good time.

Not to judge a book by its cover, but I all kinds of judged books by their covers the other night and I hit the nail on the proverbial head.  A quick scan of the room revealed some crazy demographics.  More specifically a bunch of old people trying to look cool and standing on tippy-toes watching their kid play with no general comprehension of what was going on up on the stage or around them.  If I’m calling them old, you know they were old.  We knew these were parents, aunts, uncles, and neighbors… and they were going to split as soon as their kid’s bands was done.  Boy, did they ever.  If it was a cartoon, there would have been a cloud of dust & a cartoon noise.  Whoop!

It must be happening everywhere because the touring band had it written into their contract that they weren’t to be slated to play last on any of their shows.  You can’t blame them.  You tour to build support for your album, and if no one sees you play, no one’s going to buy your album or you merch or come see you the next time you roll through town.  We took the cleanup/closer spot because none of the other bands would.

Do you know what it's like to be on the bill and to play for fifteen minutes and the only people there to see you are the other bands and their girlfriends? Don't talk to ME about Rock n' Roll! I'm out there in the clubs and on the streets and I'm living it! I AM ROCK N' ROLL!

Do you know what it's like to be on the bill and to play for fifteen minutes and the only people there to see you are the other bands and their girlfriends? Don't talk to me about Rock n' Roll! I'm out there in the clubs and on the streets and I'm living it! I AM ROCK N' ROLL!

We didn’t help their cause because we apparently weren’t a draw either.  We watched the touring band, & they watched us.  The handful of people that came to see us were there for all of the sets that night… and the show started an hour or so later than it was supposed to.  It was awesome that the touring band actually stuck around to see us play.  I’m sure on the road they’ve seen crappy band upon crappy band night after night… but it was an unparalleled show of respect for us, and assured us that the sound guy & doorman had to stick around until we were done.  Ha ha.

My boyfriend's lame-ass band... live at the Radisson

Playing their new hit, ''Girl Girl Girl''!

Well, there were more people there to watch us… since it was a rare all-ages gig for us, we had an under-ager and her mom eager to see us… we were told we’d be rocking about 8:00pm.  We eventually went on much much later, way past the under-ager’s bed time.  So, two people who bought tickets & came out expressly to see us had to leave early and were unable to see us because of all the ridiculousness and shuffling.  Then the dozens of people who came out to see the other bands watched them then left.  Immediately.

The Sitter

Try as he might, Jeremy could just not meditate in front of a stereo. Live music is the only way to go.

It would be nice to say that whoever sold the most tickets had to go last… but then again, they did sell a lot of tickets, so that has a certain amount of pull as far as when you want to go on.

I didn’t hear any of the opening bands even mention the touring band… the headlining band that (again) we were supposed to be there in support of.

Before you say that my band sucks (you’re certainly entitled to your opinion), I’ll say that no one who left early would know, because they didn’t even give us a chance.  I’d rather clear the room myself than have it cleared for me.  How do you expose people to your live show, if the people in the place don’t even stick around for one song?

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My guest post on Ya Jagoff!!! | Who Designed The Fast Food Drive Thru?

Posted on by Standard 8

I thoroughly & regularly enjoy YaJagoff.com.  The rants & raves remind me of my own lunatic ramblings, especially all the goofy yinzer parkers and things overheard on the bus.  I’d suggest adding Ya Jagoff!!! to your blog roll or news reader or subscribing via email or following on Twitter or Facebook or whatever you kids do these days.

One of the cool things about the site is that they occasionally feature guest blogs, and I was invited to send one in… so I did!  Check it out, and maybe even comment when you’re over there.  Take some time to poke around.

Ya Jagoff!!! | Who Designed The Fast Food Drive Thru?

Who Designed The Fast Food Drive Thru?

Who Designed The Fast Food Drive Thru?

My guest post on Ya Jagoff!!! | Who Designed The Fast Food Drive Thru?

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Conflicting Information from Arby’s… (Help Bronco Jalapeño write a song!)

Posted on by Standard 8

So, on one hand… Arby’s is trying to placate the great Bronco Jalapeño with the promise of personal gain.  I think.  They don’t flat-out say that, but that’s what I read from it.  What do you think?

http://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/184273238875062273

http://twitter.com/#!/Arbys/status/184282918540165121

http://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/184345272032305152

Arby's

Arby's

So they intend to silence the great Jalapeño with a free sample or some coupons?  Perhaps with just their word?  I have not received a reply to the tweet yet… and I’m not sure how they would send a supply of Bronco Berry Sauce as I don’t think Bronco Jalapeño has an address… unless they know that I am Bronco Jalapeño… (which isn’t too hard to figure out) but then again I don’t remember if I provided my address in their contact form, and they haven’t reached out to ask me for it.

On the other hand, I received this email…

From: “customerservice@arbys.com” <customerservice@arbys.com>
To: me@my.email.address
Sent: Tuesday, March 27, 2012 10:20 AM
Subject: Customer Feedback #474233

Dear Mr. Carroll,

Thank you for your comments regarding our Bronco Berry Sauce.  Our customer’s input and comments are always welcome and very important to us. We use this information to guide the decisions we make about our brand and our products. We have shared your comments with our Menu and Product Development team for future consideration. Also, Bronco Berry sauce is not available for retail sale.

 If you have any additional questions you can give us a call at 800-599-2729.

 Thank you again.

 Sincerely,
Arby’s Customer Relations

Allow me to translate a few key lines…

Arby's

No hat is too big for Bronco Jalapeño!

“We have shared your comments with our Menu and Product Development team for future consideration.” means a couple of things:

“We’ve shared your comments” means that it’s off of their collective customer service desk, so they consider the issue resolved, and can blame any further lack of progress or answers solely on the “Menu and Product Development team.”

“For future consideration” means I won’t get a reply from them either, and this will most likely go ignored, completely negating the statements “Our customer’s input and comments are always welcome and very important to us. We use this information to guide the decisions we make about our brand and our products.”

Perhaps I’m too cynical.

“Also, Bronco Berry sauce is not available for retail sale” means “too bad for you!”

Oddly (or perhaps not), the # 474233 indicates a second query when I still have no answer to the first… # 473197.

I’m not sure if Arby’s communicates well internally…

https://twitter.com/#!/AiXeLsyD13/status/184270277780307968
https://twitter.com/#!/Arbys/status/183361352306405376
https://twitter.com/#!/Arbys/status/183361594863005696

So I’m not sure what’s up there.

While we wait for clarification, will you help Bronco Jalapeño write a song?

https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/184273238875062273
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/184274132156944384
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/184345954655285248

It can be a protest song, maybe an old west ballad folk-type thing.

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Tipping is not a city in China

Posted on by Standard 22

Tipping is not a city in China

Has anyone checked? Maybe it really is.

“Tipping is not a city in China” always struck me as amusing since the first time I saw it written in sharpie on a piece of paper and taped to the tip jar residing at the Misfits merchandise table in the late 90s or early 2000s.

I have seen the subject of tipping come up repeatedly lately on Facebook , in the news, and other sources (like actual conversations face-to-face with real live people).  I’ve probably even talked about it here before. Check out this snarky yet brutally honest article by a blogger (& waiter?) that I Re-Tweeted +1’d pinned shared on Facebook a few weeks ago.

Who sets the standards?  The people being tipped (tipees?)?  Their bosses?  The tippers?  Society at large?

The whole process has always confused and bewildered me (& will most likely always continue to).  I was raised thinking that for a waiter/waitress that 15% is a good tip.  For the past several years, through the magic of the internet, I have been told that 20% is a good tip.  So, 20% is the new 15%.  I’m not sure if this varies per area, or if this is all over the US.  I’m not sure if everyone agrees with this, or just your server.  I know some people that still think 10% is acceptable, and it puckers my butt-cheeks.

Things I know:

  • It’s crazy to get out the tip calculator & lave a tip to the penny.
  • In fact, don’t leave change.
  • Waitresses sometimes have to tip busboys, bartenders, and other employees.
  • A tip is expected, even for bad service… just a little one.

Things I don’t know:

  • Say I’m at Bob Evans and I don’t have any cash on me… I tip with the card.  Does my waitress think I stiffed her?
  • When will they just pay waitresses & waiters what they deserve?
  • Is “keep the change” acceptable if it’s an adequate tip, or is that just a pain to figure out?

I always try to leave decent tips, simply because I don’t have a large circle of places to go where I feel comfortable.  (You know about the deathfish, right?)  I’m sure I’ll be back if I find a place that I like.  Why not tip well?  Hopefully I’ll be treated well the next time, & the next time, & the next time..

Here’s where it gets weird…

One waitress at a Diner could come across all of these issues:

Breakfast

Cup of Coffee

Lunch Special

Casual Dinner

Meal Total

$17.95

$1.95

$6.50

$28.40

# of People

2

1

1

2

Table Trips

6

6

3

3

Refills

2

5

0

1

Hours There

1

1½

½

1

20% Tip

$3.59

39₵

$1.30

$5.68

So, in all of these situations, is 20% rule appropriate?  Is it the “no less than $5” rule?  Is there a “no less than $5” rule? Do you get $6 for dinner because of the price of the meal, despite less trips than say a breakfast where you get tons of cheap sides?  What do you tip when you drank a butt-load of coffee?

I used to work night shift on an assembly line at Sony & a bunch of us would hang out at Eat ‘n Park in New Stanton with the late-night UPS employees.  I know I’d always get free stuff… bowls of soup, drinks, grilled stickies…  But I always tipped to include for the amount for that item.  We were hanging out for endless hours, and tables weren’t turning over, so it was only appropriate.

What about a trip to Sonic?

  The Carhop

The Drive Thru

Takes your order:

☒ No

☑ Yes

Reads It back:

? Sometimes

☑ Yes

Takes Your money:

? Sometimes

☑ Yes

Walks (or skates) out of the building:

☑ Yes

☒ No

Hands it to you:

☑ Yes

☑ Yes

You tip the carhop, but probably don’t tip at the drive through… the only real thing that they do differently is exit the building.  For that they get a tip?  (OK, rollerskating carhops deserve a mad tip.)  Why doesn’t the drive-through person get a tip?

How & what do you generally tip?  Do you have any personal guidelines?  What were you taught?  Percentage or straight dollar amount?  Always?  Never?  On Holidays?  Who taught you?

  • The pizza guy (or girl) (…or other food delivery.)
  • Haircut / Wash
  • Car-wash (Magic ash type drying people, and/or fundraiser.)
  • Six Pack Shop / Beer Distributor
  • Doorman
  • Cab / Limo driver
  • Person who takes your bags at the airport
  • Bellhop
  • Furniture delivery
  • Mailman / UPS / FedEx
  • Movers
  • Garbage man
  • Coffee shop or ice cream parlor with a tip jar
  • Touring band’s merchandise table
  • Any sandwich shop, deli, or pizza place where you “eat in” that has a tip jar.
  • Gas station attendant?
  • A masseuse?
  • Anyone I forgot?

If there’s a jar asking for tips…

  • Are you more or less likely to tip?
  • What if it’s funny?
  • What if it’s begging?
  • What if it’s “whiny” or demanding?

I just really find the subject interesting & I’d like to get a discussion going in the comments here.  GO!

(I fully expect my friend Laurel to rant here in the comments, please don’t let her do it alone!  Let’s engage in intelligent discussion.)

TIP JAR

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You may call me… “Bronco Jalapeño”

Posted on by Standard 16

So, Arby’s never did respond.  It’s been over a week.

From: Eric <me@my.email.address>
To: “customerservice@arbys.com”
Sent: Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Subject: Re: Arby’s Feedback #473197

Hello friends,

It’s been a week, and I haven’t heard back from my feedback submission…  #473197.

Any hope of some answers?

Thanks,
-Eric
.seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI

I did get this engaging missive after I inquired about a response using my trusty tracking number…

From: “customerservice@arbys.com” <customerservice@arbys.com>
To: me@my.email.address
Sent: Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Subject: Arby’s Feedback #473197 Follow-Up

Dear Arby’s Guest,

This e-mail is related to your feedback tracking number 473197.

In order to better serve our customers, we would like to know if you have been contacted by a representative of Arby’s in our efforts to resolve your issue or answer your question.

We appreciate your comments and will use them to improve the overall experience of our customers at our restaurant.

Sincerely,
Arby’s Guest Feedback Team

So I wrote back (again)…

From: Eric <me@my.email.address>
To: “customerservice@arbys.com” <customerservice@arbys.com>
Sent: Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Subject: Re: Arby’s Feedback #473197 Follow-Up

Hello,

I have not been contacted.  That’s why I wrote again.  Should I include a copy of my 1st email?

Thanks,
-Eric
.seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI

Is it just me, or was the purpose of my original email to state that I had not yet received a reply?  Yet, that asked me if I had received a reply?  Are you even reading these emails, Arby’s?

And that (of course) has gone unanswered again.

I even tried Wendy’s because they once owned part of Arby’s…

From: “Domyan, Amanda”
To: “me@my.email.address” <me@my.email.address>
Sent: Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Subject: arbys

Eric,

 I’m sorry they have not responded to you, but Wendy’s and Arby’s are actually not joined together any longer.  We separated about 3 years ago.

 Amanda Domyan

Consumer Relations
One Dave Thomas Blvd.
Dublin, OH 43017
614.764.6800 (Office)
Amanda.domyan@wendys.com

Obviously no help there.

This is what happens when I think out loud, or in type…

https://twitter.com/#!/AiXeLsyD13/status/183032227028926464

https://twitter.com/#!/AiXeLsyD13/status/183032573079982080

Heh. Yeah. @Bronco_Jalapeno was born.

https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183038291052986368
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183038412197081090
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183038454639239169
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183038681756610560
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183038762043965440
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183038807271153664
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183038854368985090
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183038888271544321
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183038933083500545
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183038979849990144
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183039017254785025
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183039099576393728
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183039128382869504
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183039215775383552
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183039233336942593
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183039267679911936
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183039349972156416
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183039395258048513
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183039428925722625
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183039579039862784
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183039602842542080
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183039643892187136
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183039675370450944
https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183039850092564480

https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183040607328018433

This is America, where the crazy vocal fringe minority gets their way.  Let’s get this done, OK?

Arby's Sign

If the sign says it's delicious, it must be delicious... Right?

https://twitter.com/#!/Bronco_Jalapeno/status/183195389812412418

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OCCUPY ARBY’S

Posted on by Standard 18

Comparing my minor inconveniences to a “massive” political movement?  Yes.  I just did that.  I generally make light of many things.  You’re about to read one of those things.

Arby's :: Jalapeno Bites® with Bronco Berry Sauce®

"*Limited availability at participating locations" roughly translates to "NONE FOR YOU!"

Arby’s has stopped serving Jalapeño Bites (& more importantly the Bronco Berry Sauce) in some areas.  I became informed of this travesty via Twitter…

https://twitter.com/#!/AiXeLsyD13/status/178608117976801281

These tweeters’ tweets are locked, so I can’t do a fancy repost, but…

@BlondeYinzer
@AiXeLsyD13 @arbys ring away those b*stards took jalapeño poppers off the menu #thehorror

@BlondeYinzer
@AiXeLsyD13 @arbys I don’t know if it’s a local pgh thing but the one by my house said last week they are gone!!! :o( I’m traumatized!!!

@AllergyBird
@AiXeLsyD13 you write the best letters… @BlondeYinzer @arbys

https://twitter.com/#!/Arbys/status/178613977838923776

https://twitter.com/#!/Arbys/status/178614177575862272

https://twitter.com/#!/AiXeLsyD13/status/179585155038588928

https://twitter.com/#!/Arbys/status/179594492217790466

https://twitter.com/#!/Arbys/status/179594585595580416

https://twitter.com/#!/AiXeLsyD13/status/179617235881558016

No reply to that last one, of course.

There’s even a Facebook page dedicated to the plight: Facebook | Bring Back Arby’s Jalapeno Bites

There’s a slightly less eloquent Facebook page that also might be upset: Facebook | Bronco Berry Sauce

This is ridiculous.  I can be more ridiculous.  So, I decided to submit an email via Arby’s webform:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

No more Jalapeño Poppers & (perhaps more importantly) BRONCO BERRY SAUCE®?

Please tell me that this is temporary insanity & that they will be back soon.  Please?

I understand that the stores were given a choice between carrying some loaded potato bite shenanigans and the Jalapeño poppers, and local stores in my area (Pittsburgh, PA) opted for the not-so-awesome menu selection.

I understand that we (the consumers) are directed to voice our opinions to the local Arby’s locations.

My questions to you are as follows…

☘ WHY?  Why did they have to choose?  Why not carry both?

☘ WHY (again)?  Why would one choose some potato things over the awesomeness that is BRONCO BERRY SAUCE® (& Jalapeño Poppers)?

☘ HOW?  How do I contact the local Arby’s via email?  Do they each have email addresses?  Is there a regional manager?

☘ WELL?  If I can’t get the BRONCO BERRY SAUCE® locally, can I order some online?  Will you start bottling & selling it in grocery stores now that it’s no longer readily available to the masses?

It most certainly does not put me in a good mood to not have my BRONCO BERRY SAUCE®.  I’m pretty sure I could straight-up just drink the stuff were it a little thinner.  Rude Mood Food is more like it now, my friends.

I may have to organize an OCCUPY ARBY’S at a nearby location.  It may get crazy.  There may be news cameras.  It will be a peaceful protest, so please don’t pepper spray any of us.  You may, however, shower us with packets of BRONCO BERRY SAUCE® and hot fresh Jalapeño Poppers.  We’ll have to chant things like “Don’t be a dingleberry, bring back the Bronco Berry!”, “No Jalapeños dude, that’s Rude Mood Food!”, or “Potato Bites, really bite!” (Well, that one may need work.)

Please, talk some sense into the Arby’s locations in the Pittsburgh area before it comes down to this insanity.

Bronco Berry Backer,
-Eric

This is all I have received so far:

From: “customerservice@arbys.com” <customerservice@arbys.com>
To: me@my.email.address
Sent: Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Subject: Arby’s Feedback #473197

Dear Arby’s Guest,

We have received your Guest Feedback message and are directing it to the appropriate department. For follow-up purposes, your feedback tracking number is 473197.

Your feedback helps us improve the overall guest experience at our restaurants. Thank you for taking the time to contact us.

Sincerely,
Arby’s Guest Feedback Team

Ridiculous. It’s still not the most ridiculous thing that’s happened in an Arby’s parking lot around here.  I mean, remember this dude?

Arby's Sign

If they have to tell you that it's delicious, maybe it's not really delicious.

Not that I’m the biggest Arby’s fan in the first place.  I’m more of a fan of actual Roast Beef, not this lunch-meat stuff like Arby’s or the all-gone-except-the-ones-on-the-Turnpike Roy Rogers has.  (Remember Rax?  They had that too.)  Ever been to Lion’s Choice?  I believe they’re centered around St. Louis.  That, my friends, is how roast beef is done.

You might say “just get your jalapeño bites (or poppers) somewhere else, you weirdo”.  To that, I say…

Are we clear?

Are you also angry about this?  Voice your opinions below… perhaps we can get Arby’s to look here & reconsider this grievous error.  If not, maybe we’ll to the Occupy Arby’s thing.  I bet we could get on the news.

Beyond that, the next step may be petitioning McDonald’s, Wendy’s, & Chick-fil-A to carry them…

Do you have any suggestions for protest slogans?  Would you join an Occupy Arby’s movement?  What should be our next course of action?

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Expand Your Vocabulary

Posted on by Standard 19

Shakespeare

Shakespeare was a dirty bastard.

You read my post about naughty words & the “R-Word”, right?  Well, to help you stop using the r-word (since I know my post convinced you to take the pledge), I’d like to try to put together a list of alternate words.  I’m really gonna need your help in the comments.  Let’s get ridiculous.  I want so many alternatives that are more fun to use that we won’t even remember the word we’re trying to replace.  If you’re easily offended by potty-mouths & naughty-bits, you might want to skip this one… or even better suggest some of your own substitutions.  You can go funny, you can go high-brow, you can go low-brow.  Just give me what you’ve got.

  • Anus  (I say this way too much.  It makes you cringe more than any other word for it…  especially if you preface it with “puckered”.)
  • Scoundrel  (This one makes you sound badass & elegant.)
  • Jagoff (Don’t be a Jagoff.)
  • Dumbass
  • Fishmonger  (Didn’t you pay attention to Shakespeare?)
  • Ass-monkey (Ass-clown, Ass-hat, Ass-face, this could go on forever until you get to Ass-ass then it’s like meeting yourself in the Back to the Future movies.)
  • Dingleberry
  • Bunghole, Dillhole, Fart-Knocker, or anything else you learned from Beavis and Butt-head.
  • Butthead.
  • Peckerwood
  • [Expletive]-nugget.  (Any of your favorite swear words will work there.  Try a few!)
  • Borrow from our friends across the pond:  Tosser, Wanker, Fart in a Jar, Twit, Todger, Tosspot, Arsehole, Toe Rag, Gobshite, etc.
  • Lowlife
  • Miscreant
  • Maggot
  • Dastard
  • Vagabond
  • Wretch
  • Good-for-nothing
  • Ne’er-do-well
  • Bad egg
  • Nitwit
  • Fool
  • Jackass
  • Bonehead
  • Penis-wrinkle  (Again, using the “actual” word for a body part is sometimes more shocking than anything else.)
  • Coinpurse
  • Pickle-polisher
  • …and a few that I wont list because my mother reads this.

Maybe you should get a Thesaurus.

Then again, maybe you just shouldn’t say mean stuff to people.

Beavis and Butt-head

Duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh-nah!

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At times I can have a pretty foul mouth, but nothing is as offensive as…

Posted on by Standard 25

There are times when I have the vocabulary of a proverbial sailor or trucker. I don’t talk like this all the time.  I try to use “colorful” language for emphasis.  I understand that there is a time & a place for such things.

Sometimes it comes out more when on stage with the band, due to the nature of our music & lyrics.  I generally don’t write offensive words here in my blog or on social media like Facebook & Twitter.  Being involved in Church & camp, there are words I don’t use that could be considered offensive to religion.  I usually don’t swear in front of my mother or ever in front of my grandmother.  Sometimes I use words that are incredibly foul in one long string just because some single words aren’t foul enough to express my frustration, and I even try to make up new ones.  (This is usually behind the wheel of  car,  just ask my wife.)

We all probably have our own rules about what others might consider foul language.  I can turn it “off” without a problem according to the company I’m with.

My point?

It’s easy to turn it off.

Most swear words refer to a bodily function or body part that we somehow collectively decided to find offensive.  I say that when you need to express anger or want to make people giggle, use those words until your heart’s content.  Everyone understands what you mean when you use those words.

On the other hand, there are some words that we should try to never say, like “the N-word” and any other racial slurs (except “cracker” — that will always be funny), like words that are offensive to homosexuals (the other “F-word” & calling things “gay” in a derogatory way), and the focus of this blog:  “The R-Word“

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not perfect.  I have used all of these words offensively… but I have cleaned up my language as far as those last few go.  I’m not someone who tries to be politically correct or anything, I just know what I feel is right or wrong.  It’s definitely wrong to use the word “retarded” to describe something, or to call someone a “retard”.  It’s killing me just to type those words.

For the last several years at our summer camp, I have been working with Jr./Sr. high age kids, and my wife and mother have been working with special needs adults.  We’ve all become directors of our respective camps that happen at the same time at the same facility.  The camps get together for several activities like crafts, skits, or singing at meal times & around the campfire.

We have met so many wonderful people that might get ignored or avoided by society because people are scared of what they don’t understand or scared of someone that’s so different.  Some people are just scared that they might react in a bad way.

Living Waters - Jr./Sr. High Camp & Recreation Camp - July 2010

These are some of my friends. (Living Waters - Jr./Sr. High Camp & Recreation Camp - July 2010)

It has brought me to tears to see the joy that all of our campers have when the groups are interacting.  I don’t tear up easily, but seeing those kids spark when they help or learn from the special needs campers… or seeing the special needs campers’ joy in the simple fact that a group of kids wants so spend time with & sing with them… it makes a guy that tries to be a hard-ass punk rocker into a big blubbering mess.

My friend Tom has Down Syndrome.  Tom taught me sign language for “chicken” when he was calling me one at a wave pool on a field trip.  He knew I didn’t know sign language.  He knew his fellow camper friends did.  After I told him that the water was too cold, he started making the sign at me and laughing.  Some more of his friends did too.  Finally I got someone to confess the meaning and I of course had to go into the cold water streaming down from one of those goofy mushrooms.  We all laughed, and Tom patted my back to let me know that he was just joking around.  Tom is not stupid.  People like Tom aren’t stupid.  Don’t use the R-word when you mean stupid or dumb.

You can come at me with all 7 dirty words or any other ones you can think of and I won’t blink an eye or be offended.

When you use the R-word, it’s offensive to Tom, people like Tom, Tom’s family and friends, and me.  If I hear you say it, I might correct you or shoot you a dirty look.  This is your warning.

250 px

Please share this blog, share your thoughts, and read more:

Spread the word to end the word!

Dig?

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