Category Archives: Rants in my pants

The worst scammers ever try again…

Posted on by Standard 14

You read the Chicken Caesar Wrap Scam post, right? This familiar assault came at my inbox again.  I wonder if Mr. Simson and Ms. Baker know each other, went to the same poorly taught “how to be an internet scammer” class, or are indeed the same person.  If they’re not the same person, at the very least they bought the same email list or scan bot program.

From: ray baker [lorisandra72@yahoo.com]
Date: On Mon, Dec 5, 2011
Subject: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: [blank?]

Hello

My name is Lori Sandra Baker and I would like to order individual grilled chicken Caesar salad in your restaurant,for 150 people on 13th of December and pick up time is 3 pm and it’s for my Dad’s Birthday Party and it will be picked up by Carrier Agent and I am ready to pay the full payment with my credit card so can you make the order for me on that date while you get me the grand total of the foods inclusive of the tax fee,get back to me with the total cost,you can also get back to me.

Regard

I wrote back with a similar response to last time (some parts blatantly cut & pasted – is it plagiarizing if you steal from yourself?):

From: Waldo Lunar [world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]
Date: Tue, Dec 6, 2011
Subject: Re: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: lorisandra72@yahoo.com

Hello Ray & Lori,

Sounds like a great time! Would you like the salads in plain old salad form, or in Chicken Cæsar Salad wrap form? The wraps have been quite a hot item lately. May I ask where you found our humble establishment, and how you heard of our incredible Chicken Cæsar Salad? If you have a courier agent, I must assume you are quite fancy. Quite fancy indeed. I’m glad to have been noticed.

Would you like a full menu? We have quite a few price levels and advertising options to help keep the cost low. I also offer party planning, and discounts if I’m invited. (I don’t get out much, I’m always making Cæsar dressing and grilling chicken!) I could deliver, and we could do cash on delivery if that’s OK.

As far as pricing… Would you like to stamp your father’s name along with a happy birthday message on the outside of the wrap(s)? Advertising with printing directly on the wraps is standard for us, so it’s no big deal & not much of an extra charge for us to add a custom message. We feel that we must seize every opportunity to advertise.You heard of us somehow, right?

Currently we’re working on exciting “edible” advertisements that will pass through your system and remind you of our catering services upon their exit. They always come out (well, usually always), but they’re not always readable. We need to work on a smooth non-stick or oily surface that always floats. We hope to be the world leader in defecation-marketing!

I have a party theme idea for you too… Toga Luau. It’s going to be a thing, I tell you. It will be huge. Your dad can say “I had that party before it was cool.” I mean, brilliantly flowered togas? Let it simmer.

About the price… I like the show Pawn Stars. You ever watch? How about you give me a number that’s ridiculously low, and I’ll come back with an equally ridiculous high number, and we’ll negotiate.

Looking forward to your business!
-Waldo Lunar

From here on out there’s no mention of Ray, the name from the original email.  I hope Ray is OK, and not tied up in his basement.  At any rate, they continue:

From: Lori Sandra [lorisandra72@yahoo.com]
Date: Tue, Dec 6, 2011
Subject: Re: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: Waldo Lunar [world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]

Hello

Thanks for the email Before you go Ahead i will like to Know if you accept Credit Card for Payment

Hope to hear from you asap

Regard

Regard, indeed.

From: Waldo Lunar [world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]
Date: Tue, Dec 6, 2011
Subject: Re: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: Lori Sandra [lorisandra72@yahoo.com]

Hello Lori,

I can accept a credit card, I guess. I’m not sure if I like accepting credit card info. via email. Perhaps I should set up a PayPal account? From which of our locations would you like to pickup? I hear there are some shady people out there looking to grab cc info from emails.

Have you thought about the wraps, the advertising, the Toga Luau, and my invitation yet?

Also, come at me with a price!

OMGWTFBBQ,
-Waldo

Seriously, if I ever own a BBQ joint, that’s what I’m gonna call it. OMGWTFBBQ! Maybe OMG.WTF?BBQ! or something close. I bet there’s already one out there.

OMGWTFBBQ

OMGWTFBBQ

Unfazed, it goes on…

From: Lori Sandra [lorisandra72@yahoo.com]
Date: Tue, Dec 6, 2011
Subject: Re: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: Waldo Lunar [world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]

i have Credit Card Not paypal ok

Getting testy?

From: Waldo Lunar [world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]
Date: Tue, Dec 6, 2011
Subject: Re: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: Lori Sandra [lorisandra72@yahoo.com]

Hello Lori,

I believe that you can use credit cards via PayPal. OMGWTFBBQ, Inc. is concerned about your privacy & personal information. Credit card will be fine.

What price would you like for the order? What about advertising, & the toga luau?

Cialoha (get it Ciao + Aloha…?),
-Waldo

Heh. At least I find myself amusing.

From: Lori Sandra [lorisandra72@yahoo.com]
Date: Tue, Dec 6, 2011
Subject: Re: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: Waldo Lunar [world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]

not interested

D’oh! I try to redeem myself, while trying to slightly up the ridiculousness. To what end, I have no idea.

From: Waldo Lunar [world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]
Date: Tue, Dec 6, 2011
Subject: Re: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: Lori Sandra [lorisandra72@yahoo.com]

Hello Lori,

May I ask why you’re all of a sudden not interested? You seemed quite eager to give me your credit card information. I’m not sure why. Shouldn’t we discuss details of the order before we discuss payment?

You’ll be sorry for passing up my Hawaiian toga party. It’s going to be all the rage next year. My on-wrap & defecation advertising promised DEEP discounts, and you still can’t see that we’re a perfect match?

I’m sorry for lashing out. Can I still come to the party?

“Welcome to Costco, I love you,”
-Waldo

Who loves Idiocracy? Everyone does (or should). Maybe “Lori” is a fan.  Maybe she thinks I’m dumb enough to fall for this crazy scam.

From: Lori Sandra [lorisandra72@yahoo.com]
Date: Tue, Dec 6, 2011
Subject: Re: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: Waldo Lunar [world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]

Okay

OK?  OK!

From: Waldo Lunar [world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]
Date: Tue, Dec 6, 2011
Subject: Re: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: Lori Sandra [lorisandra72@yahoo.com]

Dear Lori,

OK I can come to the party? Sweet! Where is it? I already know the time and date.

Want me to bring a giant Chicken Cæsar Salad, or some individual wraps? Would you like any sides?

Toga! Toga! Toga!
-Waldo

…and no further reply. Heh. Apparently the projected profit has now outweighed the effort.

I did, however, recently gain some insight on the objective.  A member at The BBQ Brethren Forum, colonel00, posted a link to my Chicken Cæsar Wrap scam blog post, and apparently Mr. Simson & Ms. Baker get around… under a few different aliases.  Poster chachahut provided some insight on the type of scam:

This is a form of a Courier Grift.

The grifter – in this case the emailer or in some cases a person calling via TTD – wants a large order of food. Rather than having the joint deliver – they will be sending a courier. As the courier requires cash payment, they will ask you to charge the credit card an additional amount – usually a few hundred to $1000 – and wire the money to the courier service. Why do you have to wire it? Well, the grifter is in the hospital & cannot take it or wire it to them & the courier does not accept credit cards (yeah right).

Of course – there is no courier service. It’s nothing more than a receiving address for any one foolish enough to send the wire. Additionally – the credit card used it certainly stolen & will ultimately get rejected or the charges will be reversed.

The whole thread can be seen here: Tried scamming me twice this week.

Interesting.  Convoluted, but interesting.  Google didn’t turn up much for “Courier Grift”, but I did find these interesting/enlightening sites after altering my search terms slightly:

Crazy.  Hard to believe that anyone can be lulled into this one.  I mean there really are a lot of steps, and it’s got to be hard to gain confidence via email.  It must work if there’s still people out there trying it.

I wonder what the BBQ aficionado guys would think of my local BBQ joint reviews or chipped ham BBQ?

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Wash Your Hands Frequently. Also, don’t forget to breathe.

Posted on by Standard 28

GOOD HYGIENE

(Sort of) Good Hygiene

I saw this sign over the weekend in the restroom of a retail store. It was beside the standard “employees must wash hands before returning to work” sign.  This was just a print out, placed in a 3-ring binder type page protector, then taped to the wall.  I don’t mean to poke fun at the store, or the person who placed the sign on the wall… but I do see a few problems with this sign, and similar signs in general.  (OK, maybe I do mean to poke fun – you can read an old rant on public restrooms here.)

My first issue with this specific sign was step #3.  For you the reader to appreciate this, I should have perhaps taken a few more photos of my surroundings.  The knobs on the sink were the little kind.  One would have to be quite flexible and creative to turn them off with their arms.  Also, this restroom lacked paper towels.  There was a hand dryer on the wall though.  I could have used some toilet paper to turn off the faucet, but have you ever gotten TP wet?  And, if I waited until my hands were dried by the air dryer… I would have wasted a large amount of water.  I can see that someone took the time to print & post the sign carefully.  Perhaps they could have altered the steps to ones that pertain to their setup?

I guess that’s my only big issue with this sign, other than other sings have told me 30 seconds, or even to sing a song in my head, like “Old McDonald” or “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star”… but I’m sure hand-washing time is a subject of hot debate in the hand-washing and general good hygiene sign community.

I wonder what frequently means?  I would think that if one needed hand-washing explained, and they could read the word frequently… one may wonder exactly how often one should wash.  One may think a few times a day is frequent.  One may think that since you’re in the bathroom, it’s talking about your time within.  Should you wash your hands 2 or 3 times for each restroom trip?  I would bet that clarification is definitely needed for the people that need these signs.  I find myself confused, and I already know how to wash my hands.  (Also, I’m sure that some medical professionals would remind you that frequent hand-washing is a sign of OCD.)

I wonder who needs these sings, and at the same time… why there aren’t more of them, educating the uninformed masses of more good hygiene policies.  There could certainly be a bunch more in public restrooms like “don’t pee on the seat”, “no boogers on the wall please”, & “proper nest-building for public toilets”.

I almost want to make a “how to wipe your behind” sign to hang up as a joke to post in restrooms around the area… but sadly I fear that we may see them for real some day.  Maybe they do already exist somewhere.  I would definitely include a “flush at [X] number of sheets per [X] ounces of fecal matter, to prevent clogging” line.

Perhaps a sign above the trash can that says “please do not place soiled underwear in trash can” would also be in good order.  Seems I know quite a few people who have worked places with public restrooms where this sort of thing has apparently happened.  Maybe in with this, signs warning against urinating or defecating in the sink would be appropriate.  This, I have unfortunately seen with my own eyes at the O.  Many many years ago, I was trapped by a hopefully drunk street-urchin looking fellow once who tried to share my urinal… when I balked, he relieved himself in the sink which was unfortunately on my way out the door.  That time, I skipped washing my hands.  Perhaps a footnote is in order on the hand-washing sign.  “*If you have just witnessed someone urinating in the sink, you may skip hand-washing.”  I’m betting the same people that need hand-washing reminders/instructions would also need to be told not to touch others’ urine.

So, I now task you the reader with helping me think of other signs that may need to be hung up in public restrooms and beyond.  What do people need told?  What obvious things maybe aren’t so obvious to all of us need to be publicly addressed?

What about “Please don’t eat the food on the floor by the trash can” at your favorite fast food restaurant? What about “how to pick up dog poop” instructions at the park, right by the useless “No Dogs In Park” signs?  What about some signs on buggies (shopping carts to you non-Yinzers) that say “We have cart returns, please put this in one when you’re done, not pushed to a random nearby corner”?

If you’re super-creative, send me a sign and I’ll post it.  You can either link to the url or image wherever it lives using html in the comments, or email it to world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com.

Please, wash your hands before emailing me though.

Crop-dusting for disgusting cell-phone roaches.

Posted on by Standard 7

This Facebook status seemed quite popular.  Thought I’d blog about it, and get some more input.  There are 2 points here that seem to universally annoy us…  People talking loudly (or at all) on cell phones in public places, and people that talk about disgusting things when you’re trying to eat.

So, I'm sitting at Chick-fil-A tonight, trying to enjoy some chicken nuggets and some chicken noodle soup... and some crazy Yinzer lady is about 4 booths away screaming into her cell phone, talking about infections, site-wounds, dialysis, and MRSA. Besides it just being rude to be on your phone there in a public place... Really? Everyone around is trying to eat. I wish I could pass gas on demand. I would have made several runs (pardon the pun) past her table.

So I'm sitting at Chick-fil-A...

The original text…

So, I’m sitting at Chick-fil-A tonight, trying to enjoy some chicken nuggets and some chicken noodle soup… and some crazy Yinzer lady is about 4 booths away screaming into her cell phone, talking about infections, site-wounds, dialysis, and MRSA.

Besides it just being rude to be on your phone there in a public place…

Really? Everyone around is trying to eat. I wish I could pass gas on demand. I would have made several runs (pardon the pun) past her table.

Pus oozing from an abscess caused by bacteria—...

Image via Wikipedia

Click the pic above to magnify the first wave of comments, and if you want check out this old post for reference: Excuse me, I’m eating.

So, what’s your take on disgusting topics during meals, public cell phone users, and the unholy intersection of the two?

Chick Fil A 8pc Nuggets

Image by j.reed via Flickr

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Chat.

Posted on by Standard Reply

No, I don’t want to chat.

Google’s Chat or G-talk is integrated into the mail inbox, over to the left.  It’s in about the same spot with Google+.

Yahoo‘s chat/messenger is integrated into their mail service &the only chat/add requests I ever get are super spammy.  (They’re also annoyingly getting rid of the “Updates” tab/pages which I’m sure not many will miss… but it was a way for me to read Facebook & Twitter at the same time.)

The latest Facebook outlet puts the chat right on up there.  I have my chat status set to away or always off or whatever it is… but it’s easily fat-fingered back into “hey chat with me” mode.

When I set up Ubuntu on a laptop, I setup something that acts like an instant messenger with tweets that are “@” me, and I think I can Tweet or Update Facebook from it.  It was cool for about 5 minutes.

I don’t want to chat.

We can talk back & forth via our Facebook pages, email, Twitter, or even a text message if urgency is required… but we don’t need to chat or IM each other.

I don’t have the need to instant message anyone.

If I’m at Yahoo or Google, I’m checking my email.  I’m trying to read something, I don’t need my focus pulled away.  I already have a miniscule attention span.

I’m not tryin’ to hate.  I’m just sayin’.  I mean, my wife picked me up using AIM. She was all up on me like “lol“,  “🙂“,  “send n00dz“.  OK, maybe not that last one.  But she did make plans with me to go to Ritter’s.

Instant messaging is fine, I just have no interest in it while I’m doing other things.  There are plenty of viable ways to say hello to me, or ask me questions.  I can’t think of any purposed served by instant messaging at this point in life.

Why is it forced upon me by every email carrier, social network, & rogue open-source operating system?  (OK, the last one is my own fault.)

Even some websites have built-in creepers now.  “Hello, I can see you’re looking at several different widgets on our site.  Our knowledgeable associate Peter Parker is available to help, type your question below to chat now.”

NO!  Let me browse.  (I do the same thing anytime a salesperson approaches IRL.)

Quit it.  I already have enough browser windows open at once.  I don’t need a chat going on.  I realize that I’ve reached the point of being obsolete.  I didn’t think I’d ever be the type of person that rails against change.  I don’t know if I’m railing against it here, or just not rolling with it.

So, please don’t take offense if this one time fan of Trillian doesn’t want to IM any more.  Maybe we can Skype some time.  Or not.

Emergency "Twitter was down so I wrote my...

OMG!

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Ask Your Senator to Support the School Access to Emergency Epinephrine Act

Posted on by Standard 4

Got this email from FAAN, thought I’d share.  This is your call to action:

From: Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network (FAAN)
To: <me>
Sent: Thursday, November 17, 2011 3:40 PM
Subject: Ask Your Senator to Support the School Access to Emergency Epinephrine Act

The Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network (FAAN)

Legislative Update Header
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Dear Eric,The Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network (FAAN™) has been working with U.S. Senators Dick Durbin (D-IL) and Mark Kirk (R-IL) on federal legislation that would encourage states to adopt laws requiring schools to have on hand “stock” epinephrine auto-injectors – meaning epinephrine that is not prescribed specifically to a single student but can be used for any student and staff member in an anaphylactic emergency.

Today this bill (S. 1884), the School Access to Emergency Epinephrine Act, was introduced in the Senate.

Adkins, Maria, and Sen. Kirk 2Sen. Kirk with Brianna and Rhonda Adkins, and FAAN CEO Maria Acebal on Capitol Hill Tuesday, Nov. 15.

Earlier this week, FAAN CEO Maria L. Acebal, joined by Rhonda Adkins, wife of country music superstar and Celebrity Ambassador Who Cares Trace Adkins, and Adkins’s young daughter Brianna, visited lawmakers on Capitol Hill to urge them to support this lifesaving legislation.

Now we need your help to get your senators’ support! Please download our sample letter of support, personalize it, and send it to their senators.

You can look up your local senators at www.senate.gov.

In addition to protecting those whose epinephrine auto-injector isn’t immediately accessible during a reaction, this legislation will help save the lives of those who experience an anaphylactic reaction and don’t have a prescribed epinephrine auto-injector. Data shows that up to 25% of all epinephrine administrations that occur in the school setting involve students and adult staffers whose allergy was unknown at the time of the event.

Only a handful of states have laws related to stock epinephrine. S. 1884, however, will provide an incentive for states to enact their own laws allowing school personnel to keep and administer a non-student specific epinephrine auto-injector in case of an emergency. (The state laws would be similar to the ones enacted in Illinois and Georgia in 2011.)

Thank you for your help gathering support for S. 1884. We will keep you posted as FAAN continues to work to secure passage of this important legislation. Together, we can save the lives of those with potentially life-threatening food allergies.

Sincerely,
The Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network

 

FAAN (The Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network)
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11781 Lee Jackson Highway, Suite 160 | Fairfax, VA 22033-3309
(800) 929-4040 | faan
© Copyright 2011
If you no longer wish to receive these emails, please unsubscribe.
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Here’s that sample letter:

MODEL Letter of Support for the School Access to Emergency Epinephrine Act

Note:  Please paraphrase.  It is important that Senators do not receive duplicates of the same letter from different individuals. You can look up your local senators at www.senate.gov.

 

The Honorable (insert Senator’s name)

United States Senate

Washington, DC  20510

Dear Senator (insert name):

I am writing to ask you to co-sponsor S. 1884, the School Access to Emergency Epinephrine Act, introduced by Senators Dick Durbin and Mark Kirk. I am the parent of a child with severe food allergies.  (Personalize here by inserting a brief description of your child’s allergies.)

Children with food allergies are at risk for anaphylaxis, a serious allergic reaction that is rapid in onset and may cause death. To prevent death, anaphylaxis must be treated promptly with an injection of epinephrine. The Durbin-Kirk bill would encourage states to ensure that epinephrine is available in schools and that school personnel are trained to administer it in an emergency. Epinephrine is safe and easy to administer. Children are able to self-administer the medication, and any adult working in a school would be capable of learning how to administer epinephrine in a matter of minutes.

Nearly 6 million American children have potentially life-threatening food allergies. Schools need to be prepared to treat allergic reactions in the event a student’s personal epinephrine auto-injector isn’t available or the student is having a reaction for the first time.

The School Access to Emergency Epinephrine Act is not a controversial bill. It is endorsed by the Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network, the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and the National Association of School Nurses. On average it will cost a school just over $100 to have epinephrine available to prevent a fatality from anaphylaxis. This is a small price to pay to save the life of a child.

I hope you will co-sponsor the Durbin-Kirk bill and work to assure passage of this legislation. Thank you for considering my views.

Sincerely,

Now, get to work!

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Commonwealth Press & a bunch of other South Side businesses need your support.

Posted on by Standard 2

Support local small business owners, get some Christmas shopping done this weekend at Commonwealth Press, and help fight a senseless boycott.  Get $5 off in exchange for a stupid mailer, or a receipt from one of the listed local businesses…

common wealth press is literally a mom and pop shop.

common wealth press is literally a mom and pop shop.

Dan is good people. Commonwealth makes a great product.  (Like both rounds of Ernie and the Berts T-shirts!)  Check out the political side of things at the bottom of this page.  Don’t uselessly rail against any of these businesses, especially if you don’t understand the policies in question.

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New Catering Advertisement Opportunities! (for Boston Market & Panera Bread)

Posted on by Standard 4

I’m just sayin’.

Panera Bread - vs. - Boston Market

Panera Bread - vs. - Boston Market

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Nov 4, 2011
Subject: New Catering Advertisement Opportunities!
To: & Cc:  A bunch of Panera & Boston Market Employees

Hello friends at Boston Market & Panera Bread,

I assume that the lack of response to my last email about an all-out catering battle at my house was ill-received.  I didn’t get any interest from either camp, or even any kind of acknowledgement of my email.  Not even a coupon.  Isn’t that the typical response?  “Throw ’em a coupon!”  Color me disappointed.

No reply is rather rude, don’t you think?  Batman movie night has come & gone.  We dutifully provided a favorable dining experience to our guests thanks to an incredible local pizza shop.  Roasted red peppers as a pizza topping?  A hit all around, I tell you!  Subs with a homemade feel cut in to bite-size appetizers were also quite delicious.

I’m not sure why neither Panera Bread or Boston Market was willing to enter my catering battle royale.  It would have been an exciting opportunity for both of you.  I realize now… that you need help with forward thinking.  You missed this opportunity to advertise your catering and fight for my dollar.

I believe that I may have come around to your way of thinking.  Perhaps I need to fight for your dollar.  I previously saw advertisements on the pop machine and all over the windows as borderline obscene… but why stop at the border, friends?  Let’s trample the border, deface it on our way through, and not look back!  I have some ideas that you may find attractive.  I really look forward to your feedback.  (Don’t give me any shenanigans about unsolicited ideas and what-not, we’re all friends here.)

  • Advertising on the napkins.  You already do it on the receipts, walls, & windows.  Subway uses their napkins for nutrition information.  Show them up, advertise!  Think of all that clean wasted ad space ripe for the slinging of your delicious wares.  Were one ambitious, this could extend to the “to go” sandwich wrappings, the fancy new plates that you’re both using, and even the trays.  Hell, why not the drink cups?
  • Guerrilla advertising. You could have employees go into your parking lot at regular intervals, and put flyers under the windshield wipers of cars.  If you really wanna get crazy, try bumper stickers!  People would love decorations on their autos.
  • Me.  Send me a T-shirt that advertises your catering services.  I play in a band.  I’ll wear it to shows.  The throngs of bar patrons who rock out with me on a regular basis will be sure to flock to the nearest Panera Bread or Boston Market location.  I might be able to convince my band-mates to do the same.  If we’d like to get really crazy, may I offer to sell my forehead as a billboard?
  • Paystubs.  Your employees get paid right?  Get that money back!  Advertise your catering services on their pay-stubs, and any communications that you need to send.  There’s room on that W2 envelope for a 10% off catering coupon.
  • Right on the food itself.  This is the one that excites me the most!  You’ve seen the toasters that produce an image of Darth Vader, and the irons that brand your initials on to a steak, right?  There are also printers that print right on things like rice paper & cakes.  Why not take advantage of this technology?  Think about it.  Full color printing on wraps?  Toasty images on buns, bread, & bagels?  Delicious meat branded with confidence, demanding that you pick up a catering menu.  It’s never been done.  It’s opulent.  It’s genius.  (If I do say so myself.)

So, what do you think?  Can I help in this new advertising adventure?  These are the next steps in the evolution of promulgation.  Let’s move onward and upward, into uncharted catering promotional territory.  It will be an onslaught to the senses, and an influx in revenue for all involved.  I’m excited for this venture, and especially excited to get some feedback from everyone involved.

Excelsoir!
-Waldo Lunar
[ -YOUR AD COULD BE HERE- ]

incessant emails / incessant advertising

incessant emails / incessant advertising

Further Reading:

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How tweet it is to get snubbed by you.

Posted on by Standard 1

These guys are proving to be more fun than McDonald’s.  I present to you a Twitter play in 5 acts, as presented by Boston Market, Panera Bread, some innocent tweeter, and W(aL)D.

http://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/132090788963287040

http://twitter.com/#!/panerabread/status/132099108910534659

http://twitter.com/#!/bostonmarket/status/131823222076354561

http://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/132091440221265920

http://twitter.com/#!/bostonmarket/status/132142083619295232

Heh.  In other news…  Maybe McDonald’s in Atlanta is more fun:

https://twitter.com/#!/McDonaldsATL/status/132085874212085760

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/132090024530419713

https://twitter.com/#!/McDonaldsATL/status/132171232266305536

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/132176153325735936

advertising saturation

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The Car Sales Handbook

Posted on by Standard Reply

USED CAR SALESMAN KITTY

Looks like a good deal...

From recent experiences, I believe that I’ve come up with the set of rules by which all car sales people are directed to operate.

It may seem simple, but I believe it’s a highly complicated dance designed to wear you down mentally.  I’m sure this isn’t their handbook word for ludicrous word, but I’m also sure that it’s pretty close.  If you can get your hands on a copy, let me know.  I’d like to see it.

  1. When someone emails you, uses your website, or uses a 3rd party website like Yahoo! Autos, don’t reply.  Call them.
  2. Call repeatedly thereafter.
  3. Send out form-letterish very spam-like emails.  Repeatedly.  Don’t reply to any replies.  Call.
  4. Call again.  Leave a message every other time.
  5. If you must send an email reply, include your office number, extension, and cell phone number… and ask the potential customer to call you.  Perhaps express that you’ve been trying to call.
  6. Don’t answer any questions about price or inventory via email or over the phone.  Get the customer to the dealer.
  7. If they ask about used cars, show them new cars.  If they ask about new cars, show them used cars.
  8. When the customer discusses comfortable monthly payments, always shoot $50-$75 higher than that number.
  9. After they express disinterest, call them again.
  10. Send emails with customer satisfaction survey links that lead to broken pages.
  11. Call again.  Leave a message.  Be sure to say “buddy” or “friend”.
  12. Call, once more.  Don’t leave a message.
  13. Call again, ask why potential customer didn’t like car/deal.
  14. Send a plethora of from emails from the dealer, manager, and sales person asking customer to call the dealer to discuss auto purchase options.
  15. Call & leave a message stating that you reached out via email, ask them to call you back.
  16. Wait 2 months, call again.  Leave message asking for a call back.
  17. Have you tried calling the customer?
Antique telephones

Tele-what?

I’m starting to wonder if perhaps payment is no longer based on commission, but on time spent on the phone.  Holy cow.  The barrage is instant and never-ending if you use a site that spits out emails to several dealers at once.  It creates absolute telephone chaos.  It’s 2011.  Can we conduct business/ask questions via email… especially if I take the time to note “via email” as my contact preference?

If you know me, you know I’m not a big fan of telephone conversations.  I like email.  Texting is OK.  I’ve had friends who have been my friends for many years, and our total phone-talk time probably amounts to a few hours.  Even if you don’t know me… it would be safe to assume that if I was using the internet to research/reach out to you, I might be more comfortable with an email.  (Otherwise, I would have called you… or just stopped by.)

Do you feel that I’ve missed any auto sales rules?  Please, add to the list in the comments section!

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Jerry Only needs an intervention.

Posted on by Standard 6

Jerry Only

Image via Wikipedia

I wanted to love the new Misfits album.  Really, I did.  I of course, love the original incarnation of the band.  I really dug the 90’s Misfits too, even if it was without question an entirely different band with a different sound & different direction.  I mean, I like Samhain, Danzig, The Undead, Graves, Gotham Road, and most of the slew of other related bands, so why not the new Misfits?

I think Jerry Only has surrounded himself with people too afraid or too dumb to tell him no or keep him in check.  ([cough]John Cafiero?[cough])  Danzig arguably has the same problem.  As an artist you need a healthy amount of “I’m going to do something crazy” room in your creative process.  Sometimes, that’s the only way to achieve the next level of awesome.  It gave us the Danzig album out of Samhain, and it gave us the Shocking Return of the Misfits (a.k.a. The Misfits™ or M95).  It gave us my favorite Danzig song, “You and Me (Less Than Zero)”.  It also gave us Kryst the Conqueror.

American Psycho and Famous Monsters are solid albums, with a slight metal tinge to the old horror punk vibe and a lot more camp.  I was hoping that Devil’s Rain would be somewhat close to that.  It’s like the cutting-room floor material for those albums.  I would be embarrassed to have my name on this album were I involved in recording or production.  The songs don’t flow well.

There is stuff here with some potential, but it lacks a certain tweaking.  I have said the same stuff about Michale Graves‘ solo work.  I think he’s a great singer & songwriter, he’s just better tempered with a band.  With the 90’s Misfits, they all brought songs to the table.  Chud, Michale, Jerry, & Doyle all wrote songs or parts.  Right now, I feel like it’s the Jerry Only show, with a few scraps for Dez… and a leash for Goat, I mean… Eric “Chupacabra” Arce.  (Was Robo just sent a plane ticket home, or what?)

Jerry in a Jerry T-Shirt

Jerry in a Jerry T-Shirt

Jerry went wrong some time around when he started to wear the T-shirt of himself.  Was this before or after the band was falling apart?  It’s all such a blur.

I remember talking to him backstage on more than a few occasions.  He’s unarguably a great entertainer, an excellent showman, and a very cool guy to stick around to talk to fans, give interviews, and sign anything you’ll put in front of him.  (Although, I did one see him  refuse to sign a teenage girl’s boob… and it was hilarious – Kudos to him for not being a creeper.)  Where it goes from there is open to debate.

That being said, lackluster vocals can kill an album.  (See the Gorgeous Frankenstein album, then dig up the demo of the song “Gorgeous Frankenstein”. with Michale Graves on vocals.)  The aforementioned poor vocals do a spectacular job killing Devil’s Rain.  I can’t put my finger on it.  Jerry’s vocals aren’t bad live, but with this recording it’s evident that his range & the vocal power just aren’t where they need to be.  Dez would be great on a dirty punk record, but here it sounds like an old guy telling kids to get off his lawn.  The vocals have always been strong with the Misfits, be it Glenn or Michale.  On Devil’s Rain they fall flat (literally and figuratively).

The guitar tone is “eh”.  It lacks the metal punch that Doyle had going after Kryst the Conqueror, and it’s not quite the old dirty punk vibe.  I’m not big on the fills and solos.  I mean, we all know Franché Coma & Bobby Steele could do that, but they didn’t.  It wasn’t the Misfits’ thing with a few notable exceptions.  (I still think 12 Hits Form Hell is a damn-near perfect album & the Undead’s version is cool too.)

If the past Misfits stuff is campy, this album is just downright corny lyric-wise.  I mean, I like some goofy stuff (like Peelander-Z!), but this is the wrong kind of goofy entirely.

Father almighty turn the darkness to day
Father providing turning desert to grain
God’s son the Pharaoh speaks to Ra calling his name
Oh Ra, devour those who dare open my grave
Place a curse in his hand

Really?

I can listen to “Land of the Dead” which still needs something, but it’s undoubtedly the best of the bunch.

This is just one man’s opinion.  I’d be interested in yours.

Misfits | Devil's Rain

Misfits | Devil's Rain

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