Category Archives: W(aL)D

(The not so) Holy Cow!

Posted on by Standard 9

Have you tried any of the new SPICEE CHIKIN… or spicy chicken options?  They’re pretty good if you’re into that sort of thing.  I’ve blogged about Chick-fil-A before, specifically the South Hills location.  CFA is has a great product, amusing promotion (unless you’re a vegan I’d guess), and seems to be a great company if you can get around the whole “maybe they’re too nice to anti-gay groups” thing.

My wife & I had lunch at the Chick-fil-A in Robinson this past weekend, and we found the on-table advertisements for the Spicy Chicken Biscuit breakfast sandwich to be quite amusing for all the wrong reasons.  I decided to write to Chick-fil-A to see what they thought, my email and the attached photo below:

From: ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Mon, Feb 7, 2011
Subject: “SPICEE CHIKIN BISKITZ” Alarm Clock Table Ad
To: promotions@chick-fil-a.com

Ciao Chicken Czars!

I am a BIG fan of Chick-fil-A.  Your chicken sandwiches & nuggets Can. Not. Be. Beat.  Seriously, I don’t know what you do with that breading… but it’s Chick-fan-Tastic.  They honey mustard dip?  Incredible (or as a cow may say, “INKREDIBULL”).  Your chicken noodle soup is my go-to soup when I’m not feeling well and there’s no time for my wife to make some homemade.  Your sweet tea is simple, yet addictive.  We have stopped at the mall units just for tea while we walk around to shop, and we’ve gone through FSU drive-troughs at times just to get sweet tea and nothing else.  The cleanliness of your stores is mostly always impeccable, and the courteousness?  Genius.  I mean, “my pleasure” instead of “you’re welcome” is such a simple thing… but it makes such a huge difference in the overall attitude.  It puts Chick-fil-A far above any other fast food chain in the customer service category.  The in-store events, fund-raising, promotions, use of social media like Facebook, Twitter & texting?  Savvy indeed!  The first fast food joints in my area to use the new space-age Heinz ketchup packets?  Innovative!

I even love the cows.  I have a small stuffed one near my PC at home.  I have had my photo taken with more than one in-store cow.  They’re such unlikely mascots for a chicken restaurant of all places… but it works.  I have always wondered about their spelling though… are you trying to imply that eating beef makes you stupid?  Well, that’s not the main point of my email, or why I’m reaching out to you today, comrades.  I would like to talk about the spicy chicken (or “spicee chikin”) cow though, specifically the one in the attached photo taken while eating lunch at Chick-fil-A this past Saturday.

While I get that the cows “arms” are supposed to be the clock hands, I feel that sadly the placement of said arms is quite unfortunate.  Maybe I just have a dirty mind, but as I laughed at it and took a photo my wife giggled and rolled her eyes knowing what I was thinking.  Maybe the advertising department should re-think this one?  I mean, my arms certainly don’t spin around at waist level.  Do yours?  The shoulders ought to be placed at the center of the clock face in future cow “clok” (also in this case perhaps an unfortunate way to misspell clock) table displays.  I posted the photo on Facebook and the general consensus was that it most definitely didn’t remind people of an arm.  I think that if this cow were walking around with something protruding from that area, he may get arrested for indecent exposure.  I mean, I get excited over Chick-fil-A too, but not that excited!

I just wanted to write and hear your thoughts on the matter.  I’m curious to know if anyone else has picked up on the naughty firefighting cow.  “Spicee” indeed!  Thank you for your time, I anxiously look forward to your reply.

EAT MOR CHIKIN,
-ERiC AiXeLsyD

 

Al Armcock

Al Armcock

Heh.  Well, I thought it was funny.  So did people on Facebook apparently.  I mean, it jumped out right away.  Maybe we have dirty minds… maybe it really does look like a giant cow penis.  It’s certainly inappropriately placed for an “arm” if nothing else.

Knowing Chick-fil-A’s history as a company, I had to see if someone would respond to this.  Maybe it’s a secret shout out to gay employees and customers that they’re supporting them.  I mean, the fireman outfit and the giant appendage?

I have proof that Chick-fil-A is the best company ever.  Dan Cathy, the President and Chief Operating Officer of the company himself wrote back to me, and he was the first to reply.  I mean, he wrote back before any of the local full service units!

From: Dan T. Cathy <DAN.CATHY@chick-fil-a.com>
Date: Mon, Feb 7, 2011
Subject: Re: “SPICEE CHIKIN BISKITZ” Alarm Clock Table Ad
To: ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>

Thanks Eric for your kind comments; delighted to have your business and support.

I have passed along your email to members of our marketing department.  Valid observations; we’ll be a little more careful next time!

Dan T. Cathy

It’s a serious reply to me just goofing around (I mean, really… the attached file is named “Al_Armcock.jpg”), but there is no one above Mr. Cathy in the CFA organization, and he took the time to reply to my dumb email!  I could have gone goofy.  Maybe I didn’t go goofy enough.  At any rate, this has to be the best answer to an email ever.  No “I’m sorry” coupons, no form letter, no blow-off.  It was a short reply drawing attention to the matter, saying it will be dealt with, and a ridiculously perfect example of customer service… from the President of the company who I’m sure has much more important things to do.  McDonald’s, Subway, Burger King, and the rest of you … take note!  This is customer service.

I wonder if I’ll hear back from anyone else that I emailed, or from the marketing department now?  This just rules.  Ha ha.

W(aL)D Maze & Letter for Pizza Hut…

Posted on by Standard 19

Dave made me do it.  I’ve been messing with Pizza Hut for a long time… but it’s actually become a serious quest.  I’ve been drawing mazes lately for some reason.  Dave sparked this recent fit of madness with one innocent comment on the last maze;

You should make the START a Pizza Hut and the end a toilet.

Why not? I ask myself.  I took it a step further, and crafted this for my pie-making pals…

Pizza Hut Maze

A letter within a maze, for my pals at Pizza Hut.

Let’s hope this gets someone’s attention, and I finally get a decent reply.  Now, to dig up all those addresses again.  I guess I’ll have to include something with my return address.  I forgot to work that into my letter-maze.

As with all my mazes, if you feel compelled to complete one… please email me a completed maze & I’ll post it here!  (Click the one above for a larger version.)

 

“games with pet gremlins” ?

Posted on by Standard Reply

I’m easily amused, I thought I’d share some recent search terms that brought people to my little corner of the internet.

“ernie and the berts” (We’re famous!)
“f.u.n. the ass” gardy loo lyrics (A humorously offensive song… look it up!)
“john maher” “activist”
admiral snackbar
advertisement letter
allergen signage
allergen warning signs
allergen warning signs for display
allergy to pizza hut cheese but not othe
alliteration examples about food at wend (…an advertising agent?)
american community survey
american community survey 2010
american community survey penalty
american community survey reviews
american community survey scam
an alliteration about lunchtime (…the Wendy’s guy?)
annoying people with allergies  (That’s me!  Google was spot on here…)
arby’s dipping sauce
baby: secret of the lost legend
best way to cook hot dogs without a gril
boba invoice
books about letters
childhood favorite movies
chili cook flyers
colonel sanders spaceballs
consumer satisfaction regarding pizzas (Oh boy, they need to read ALL my blog posts…)
data vs. c3po
death taco (…Would be an excellend band name.)
does dunkin donuts products have crustac (…ians?  See!  I’m not the only one.)
does title 13 require the census be sent (According to the Census Bureau, yes.)
dunkin donuts allergy information
e.t. mimozemšťan (Google Translate identified it as Czech? Translates to “E.T. Alien”)
eagle guitar korea (I really wish I could find out more about these guys.)
ellajones@us.mcd.com (Comes up all the time… perhaps a Google News crawler?)
fail blog about wendys food
fail blog wendys review
fails wendy reveiw
fallout shelter bridgeville (Wrong town if you’re looking for the venue…)
fart domination (Would be a great punk band name… but what the holy hell was this person searching for?)
food allergy massachusetts
galveston b.b. stone (I really wish I could find out more about these guys.)
games with pet gremlins (Not Marco Polo…)
giant eagle shop n save cheaper
giving up on 65.55.92.168.   (Why did this come to my blog?)
how to cook totino’s pizza rolls without
ice formations crazy
inbred rape limbless mother (I hope this is about that X-Files episode.)
john maher pa
kuhns vs giant eagle (Spoiler alert: Giant Eagle wins.)
lactose intolerant to pizza hut
little billy’s letters charles manson
macdonalds ‘domination’
making a revenge of the nerds costume
mcdonalds “bog card”
message 1051 (Still a royal pain in everyone’s ass.)
mog spaceballs
mutant crocodile (…Why did this bring you here?)
my life at mcdonalds (_____!)
old fashioned buttermilk
original trilogy
pacific shrimp taco taco bell did it sel
penalty for not recycling canonsburg
pictures shellfish allergy (…Anaphylaxsis fetishists?)
pizza hut allergy
pizza hut guidelines for sanitation (Here they are: _______ )
pizza hut ingredients 2010
pizza hut sauce contains fish (…It does?)
pizza hut, allergy info
pizza rolls totino’s
pizza the hutt
r2d2 knit hat
rep john maher
scott bergren pizza hut email
scott kausky (Scott is good people!)
search ella.jones@us.mcd.com (Comes up all the time… perhaps a Google News crawler?)
shortcode 1051
shortcode error on phone
snyder of berlin vs snyder’s of hanover
square guitar (Rules!)
star wars tessellation (You mean Subway’s cheese tessellation issues… or Star Destroyers, tessellated?)
subway competitor
taco bell store emails
totinos pizza rolls microwave directions
trick or treat my dog scared the crap ou
waltham, ma. wendy’s sonnnnnnn (Got the munchies?)
we are the vandals
we gettin tiered of punkrock blink 1082
wendy’s sonnnnnnn, waltham, ma
what if i dont fill out the american com (See title 13…)
why does pizza make me poop? (I don’t know, but it makes me poop too.)
wookie leia boob (The best band name ever?)
план ада чистилища и рая данте (Google Translate identified it as Bulgarian? Translates to “Plan chistilishta hell and heaven Dantb”)

Tyson Foods, Inc. & Willie Barber FTW.

Posted on by Standard 4

Yesterday, I got two surprises in our mailbox… One being that half of it was our neighbor’s mail, and the other being the promised letter & coupons from Mrs. Barber at Tyson  Foods!  OK, the mail mix-up wasn’t that big of a surprise… that happens at least 4 times a week.  It’s always good to get mail that’s not bills or junk mail though, and this made my day…

Tyson Foods - LetterSeems a little stiff compared to my earlier exchanges, but form letters are a necessary evil with a company as large as Tyson I guess.

Also enclosed were five  coupons for free Tyson Foods items!  Two coupons for one free bag of Tyson Frozen Breaded Product or Any’tizers Product, one for any one package of Tyson Individually Frozen Chicken Product, one for any one package of Tyson Wright Brand, and one for any one package of Wright Brand Product… which makes some awesome bacon.

Tyson coupons

This is much much more than I expected, or could have hoped for!  Really, it all started out as goofing around, not a complaint by any means.  It’s certainly better than the paltry pile of coupons that I received from Pillsbury when asking about funding further “how many pizza rolls can really fit in the microwave at once” research.  I let the ball drop on that one… perhaps I better write to them and ask again, using Tyson and Taco Bell as references of good coupon giving.

I’ll have to write back to Willie to say thanks.  This really was quite generous, and will certainly help in stretching the food budget in the coming weeks!

It’s a Southern thing, just ask Willie.

Posted on by Standard 1

Tyson Foods | Ask Willie

Tyson Foods | Ask Willie

So, my apologies to Mrs. Barber, apparently Willie is also a girl’s name down south.  Ha ha.  You guys need to read my letter to Tyson about the soggy not smelly tiger-tender, and you’ll know what this is all about.  Here’s some follow-up…

from    ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
to    “Barber, Willie” <Willie.Barber@tyson.com>
date    Sat, Oct 2, 2010
subject    Re: Tyson Honey Battered Breast Tenders
mailed-by    gmail.com

Buenos Dias Mr. Barber!

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my missive.  I’m glad that it entertained and proved interesting!  The information from your Food Safety & Quality Assurance Manager is enlightening.  I guess if I had thought about it, I may have arrived to the same conclusion… as my wife did.  Perhaps she should look into Quality Assurance as a career?

Sadly there was no golden ticket type prize for the tiger-tender, but certainly some complimentary coupons would brighten my day.  Your thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated!  My address is:

ERiC AiXelsyD
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Pittsburgh, PA  XXXXX

I still need to look into sending Duquesne Light a bill for my prematurely perished perishables, perhaps cluing them in to your generosity will tip the scales in my favor?  Maybe I should send them the tiger-tender and see if they like soggy formerly-frozen foodstuffs in their freezers.

I’m flattered that you had previously read my ramblings on the web, and honored that you remembered my name!  Now I’m curious as to how I came to be on your radar.  I tend to be goofy at times, and serious at others.  Life’s all about balance… why not enjoy the balance when it swings to the absurd?  Your kind of reply is my favorite.  You may not be surprised ad how many of these types of emails fail in providing a response.  Some people are apparently just too uptight!

I enjoy many of your fine products, and now will even more… and I’ll recommend more to my friends & family!

A good day to you sir,
-ERiC AiXeLsyD

PS – Think there’s any headway at all to be made with Arby’s & the distribution of their Bronco Berry Sauce?

And, she wrote back…

from    Barber, Willie <Willie.Barber@tyson.com>
to    ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
date    Mon, Oct 4, 2010
subject    RE: Tyson Honey Battered Breast Tenders
mailed-by    tyson.com

Happy Monday Morning!

As I recall, I chanced upon your name/blog while researching one of our customers—maybe McDonald’s, Burger King, or Subway?   Thanks for the address–the coupons will be mailed tomorrow.

By the way, I am a Mrs. not a Mr.  It’s a Southern thing!  AskWillie

Willie Barber

So, she’s read one of my various diatribes on Subway or my disdain for a nearby McDonald’s.  Quite amusing!  I don’t think I’ve messed with Buger King for a long time.

It is sad that she hasn’t addressed the Bronco Berry sauce issue, but I’m sure she can’t or won’t for corporate reasons.

I wrote back once more:

from    ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
to    “Barber, Willie” <Willie.Barber@tyson.com>
date    Mon, Oct 4, 2010
subject    Re: Tyson Honey Battered Breast Tenders
mailed-by    gmail.com

My Apologies, Mrs. Barber(!),

I guess I should have done my own research!  Ha ha.

I have certainly blogged extensively about a local McDonald’s who is as slovenly as they are slothful, and another who is run exceptionally well and always seems to be clean, efficient, and orderly.  Plus, McDonald’s is just so fun to poke.

I also have an ongoing thing with Subway about their seafood subs and cross-contamination.  I have a severe shellfish allergy, and find them quite irresponsible as far as posting warnings, using the same knife to cut all their subs, and in replying to their customers.  Perhaps you ought to go over there and teach them how to run things!  They never did answer my question about having an in-house subway instead of a cafeteria or kitchen in their corporate offices.  No sense of humor or customer satisfaction, there!

Thanks again for the coupons, my wife & I both appreciate the gesture!

Tyson’s Newest #1 Fan,
-ERiC

…and no reply as of yet, not that I really need one in this instance.  This was just some shameless plugging.  I’m just waiting for my awesome coupons.

Also… if you follow the Ask Willie link, is that the coolest job description, or what?

Hungry for Knowledge as well as Chicken Tenders…

Posted on by Standard 6

So, not long ago, we got some of those bagged Tyson breast tenders. They’re a nice quick meal, and generally consistently good quality.  Although, in talking with Dave who serves them quite regularly, he seems to not find any of the “odd” ones that I mention below.  Do you get odd ones?  I’d like to open up discussion.

I opened an amusing dialog with Tyson, and here’s how it’s panned out so far:

Peace, Poultry Potentates!

Recently, my wife brought home a bag of your delicious Honey Battered Breast Tenders.  I must say that they are the perfect dinner solution when we are pressed for time or just plain don’t feel like cooking.  I generally over-indulge because the breading/batter is so delicious when cooked in the oven, and I thoroughly enjoy dipping things… whether it be in Honey Mustard, Honey BBQ, just plain ketchup, A1, or a nugget-dipping sauce pilfered (I mean “left over”) from one of the many fast food chains.

On a side note… I really wish Arby’s would bottle & sell their Bronco Berry Sauce®.  Perhaps you can talk to them about that?  It’s EXCELLENT on chicken nuggets or tenders.  Maybe you’d have better luck with McDonald’s getting their nugget sauces in stores?  Didn’t you guys provide them with the not-quite-Chick-fil-A sandwich?

Too many tangents, my friends.  My mind wanders.  Well, not so much wanders as jumping randomly from thought to seemingly unconnected thought.  I assure you though… I do have a point in writing to you today.

I would like to see if I have won some sort of prize, or made some sort of amazing discovery.  Upon opening the most recently purchased bag of Honey Battered Breast Tenders [Mfg. Code 2390CNQ0610] to place on a baking sheet (covered in foil because I hate to clean up), out came this wild tiger-striped breast tender.  If this were an email, I would simply attach my photos, but it’s not, and I can’t… so I will provide you with a link to the photographic evidence on Photobucket:

http://i127.photobucket.com/albums/p139/worldandlunardomination/creepy%20tyson%20chicken%20thing/Tiger-StripedNuggetThing1640w.jpg

http://i127.photobucket.com/albums/p139/worldandlunardomination/creepy%20tyson%20chicken%20thing/Tiger-StripedNuggetThing2640w.jpg

These photos were taken of the tender just as it was after being pulled out of the bag, I did not cook this tender.

You can see that one side of the tender is more striped than the other.  Surely, I have made an amazing discovery.  Is this like Charlie Bucket’s golden ticket in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?  Do I get a free tour of your facility now?  That would be quite exciting.  Quite exciting indeed!  I must confess that I don’t typically stay up on current poultry-related events, so I haven’t seen anything about the contest.  I was unaware on how to proceed, so I figured that I would reach out to you.

I found this “deviant” to be exceptional.  Generally, there’s the accepted and expected amount of 2 or 3 “off” breast tenders to a pack.  This isn’t the usual overcooked/brown one, a non-fully coated one, the mysterious black spot one, or the “Siamese twin” one(s?).  (I saw these machines on the Food Network or History Channel one time… where this laser shot odd-colored potato chips out of the line.  Perhaps you ought to look into borrowing one over a weekend to see if it works out on your line?)

I immediately placed the chicken tender with war paint into a plastic freezer-bag and placed it back in the freezer.  I can certainly send it to you upon request, although I’m not sure where to obtain dry ice for safe shipping.

Also, there was a ridiculously short yet violent storm in the area last week that knocked out our power for two days.  Most everything else in the freezer and refrigerator ended up in our trash cans because our power company doesn’t understand the importance of a solid infrastructure quite like it should.  (Our power has gone out for more than 24 hours on three separate occasions this year alone.)

I kept the tiger-tender, and did open the Ziploc® bag to take a whiff.  It’s definitely not rancid, but it did get to a point where it was more soggy than frozen.  I have considered sending a bill for my wasted food (including about 1/2 the bag of Tyson Honey Battered Breast Tenders) to Duquesne Light, but am unsure of the legality.

Well, my de-feathered friends, I thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you soon regarding this rare specimen.  I wait with hardly contained excitement, much to my wife’s dismay.  For some strange reason, she thinks that the zebra-tender is just a fluke, and not a prize winning game-piece, or as I had suggested one night while sitting in the dark… Perhaps it’s a new top secret flavor, unveiled in a covert manner to the masses.  Help me prove that I’m right!

Hungry for Knowledge as well as Chicken Tenders,
-ERiC AiXeLsyD

And, the photos…

Tiger-Striped Nugget Thing 1Tiger-Striped Nugget Thing 2

I submitted it via webform, and didn’t get any immediate responses… so of course, I Googled some “@tyson.com” email addresses until I came up with a few. Luckily, it worked!

from Barber, Willie <Willie.Barber@tyson.com>
to ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
date Fri, Oct 1, 2010 at 6:13 PM
subject Tyson Honey Battered Breast Tenders
mailed-by tyson.com

Hello, ERiC AiXeLsyD:

Thank you for a very entertaining and interesting message!  The pictures were very helpful.

The Food Safety & Quality Assurance Manager at the processing plant reviewed the picture of the “tiger tender”  and its compadre.   She related that the stripes are overcooked batter in crevices caused by the wire conveyor belt.  Sometimes when the batter is too thin, the wire belt will make “ridges” on the tenders.  Because the batter is thin, it cooked up darker compared to the rest of the batter on the tender.  The sugar in the honey also adds to a darker color profile. She also related that the other picture looked like there wasn’t enough batter or it popped off during freezing or packing.

So, it appears that the tiger tender and the rare specimen are simply suffering from the lack of batter–nothing interesting or covert!   Send me your postal address and I will send some complimentary coupons to help your Hunger for Chicken Tenders.

Best regards,

Willie D. Barber
Manager, Consumer Relations

PS  Some time ago while researching on the web, I happened to visit your blog and became intrigued with your name.   Surprisingly, I recognized it when your message was forwarded to me.  You are certainly a multi-talented person!

Couldn’t have asked for a better response. Ha ha ha. Not only did they write back, but they took it seriously, and it looks like I may get some free stuff or at least a coupon!  Bonus points for the use of the word compadre, even if there was no mention of McDonald’s and/or Arby’s.

Also… the PS?  I’m famous? Ha ha ha. I wonder where/how Mr. Barber previously came across my ramblings?  I didn’t think that many people read this thing.

Oh well, now I need to write back… but I’d still like to know about the odd ones.  Be it chicken tenders, pizza rolls, any frozen food… isn’t there generally always an odd one or two?

Peace, Poultry Potentates!

Recently, my wife brought home a bag of your delicious Honey Battered Breast Tenders.  I must say that they are the perfect dinner solution when we are pressed for time or just plain don't feel like cooking.  I generally over-indulge because the breading/batter is so delicious when cooked in the oven, and I thoroughly enjoy dipping things... whether it be in Honey Mustard, Honey BBQ, just plain ketchup, A1, or a nugget-dipping sauce pilfered (I mean "left over") from one of the many fast food chains.  

On a side note... I really wish Arby's would bottle & sell their Bronco Berry Sauce®.  Perhaps you can talk to them about that?  It's EXCELLENT on chicken nuggets or tenders.  Maybe you'd have better luck with McDonald's getting their nugget sauces in stores?  Didn't you guys provide them with the not-quite-Chick-fil-A sandwich?

Too many tangents, my friends.  My mind wanders.  Well, not so much wanders as jumping randomly from thought to seemingly unconnected thought.  I assure you though... I do have a point in writing to you today.

I would like to see if I have won some sort of prize, or made some sort of amazing discovery.  Upon opening the most recently purchased bag of Honey Battered Breast Tenders [Mfg. Code 2390CNQ0610] to place on a baking sheet (covered in foil because I hate to clean up), out came this wild tiger-striped breast tender.  If this were an email, I would simply attach my photos, but it's not, and I can't... so I will provide you with a link to the photographic evidence on Photobucket:





These photos were taken of the tender just as it was after being pulled out of the bag, I did not cook this tender.

You can see that one side of the tender is more striped than the other.  Surely, I have made an amazing discovery.  Is this like Charlie Bucket's golden ticket in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?  Do I get a free tour of your facility now?  That would be quite exciting.  Quite exciting indeed!  I must confess that I don't typically stay up on current poultry-related events, so I haven't seen anything about the contest.  I was unaware on how to proceed, so I figured that I would reach out to you.

I found this "deviant" to be exceptional.  Generally, there's the accepted and expected amount of 2 or 3 "off" breast tenders to a pack.  This isn't the usual overcooked/brown one, a non-fully coated one, the mysterious black spot one, or the "Siamese twin" one(s?).  (I saw these machines on the Food Network or History Channel one time... where this laser shot odd-colored potato chips out of the line.  Perhaps you ought to look into borrowing one over a weekend to see if it works out on your line?)

I immediately placed the chicken tender with war paint into a plastic freezer-bag and placed it back in the freezer.  I can certainly send it to you upon request, although I'm not sure where to obtain dry ice for safe shipping.

Also, there was a ridiculously short yet violent storm in the area last week that knocked out our power for two days.  Most everything else in the freezer and refrigerator ended up in our trash cans because our power company doesn't understand the importance of a solid infrastructure quite like it should.  (Our power has gone out for more than 24 hours on three separate occasions this year alone.)  

I kept the tiger-tender, and did open the Ziploc® bag to take a whiff.  It's definitely not rancid, but it did get to a point where it was more soggy than frozen.  I have considered sending a bill for my wasted food (including about 1/2 the bag of Tyson Honey Battered Breast Tenders) to Duquesne Light, buy am unsure of the legality.

Well, my de-feathered friends, I thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you soon regarding this rare specimen.  I wait with hardly contained excitement, much to my wife's dismay.  For some strange reason, she thinks that the zebra-tender is just a fluke, and not a prize winning game-piece, or as I had suggested one night while sitting in the dark... Perhaps it's a new top secret flavor, unveiled in a covert manner to the masses.  Help me prove that I'm right!

Hungry for Knowledge as well as Chicken Tenders,
-ERiC AiXeLsyD

Biliruben Is the Secret

Posted on by Standard 2

Well, someone at the Penn State Food Science department has a sense of humor.  Ha ha ha.  Have you followed my attempt to contact Galliker’s, the Yahoo! Answers question, posing the question to Turner’s, and Turner’s final suggestion?  OK, then you’re caught up… and you can read this.  I emailed the following to a bunch of people there, and as of yet have only received one reply.  Here’s the email:

from: ERiC AiXeLsyD  <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
to: foodsci@psu.edu
cc: ca3@psu.edu, xd11@psu.edu, jdf10@psu.edu, tsd3@psu.edu, sep14@psu.edu, jmw5@psu.edu, jxc16@psu.edu, moconnor@psu.edu, emills@psu.edu
date: Fri, Aug 13, 2010 at 11:03 PM
subject: Blue + Brown = …Green?
mailed-by: gmail.com

Salutations Savvy Sustenance Science Scholar Staff!

I write to you today with something that has had me perplexed for quite a while.  It was recently suggested to me that you would be the the ones with the most knowledge and best skill set to deal with my query.  I of course, thought that this was a splendid idea… which is why I’m (obviously I guess) writing to you now.

Do you like “blue flavored” drinks and Popsicles?  I do.  I enjoy them quite a lot, actually.  Whether it’s the seemingly fictional blue raspberry, some sort of punch, Faygo’s Jazzin’ Blues Berry, or “Bug Juice”… I just seem to gravitate to blue colored drinks.  As of late, I’ve noticed an interesting side-effect of said blue flavored drink consumption:  For some reason, it tends to turn my feces a quite disturbing shade of green.

First, I wrote to Gallagher’s and my missive went unanswered.  Perhaps they did not find the humor in my inquiry.  Perhaps they were upset that I mentioned rival dairy, Turner’s, as having a better Iced Tea.  Perhaps they were offended that I offered to provide photos as evidence of my brightly-hued chartreuse bowel movement upon request.

Second, I posted a question to the Yahoo! Answers community, and wasn’t exactly satisfied with the answer.  I understand the general concept that what you eat determines the contents of your waste, but want a deeper explanation.  Why does the blue dye turn out so green?  Why doesn’t it come out blue?  What is going on in there?  What exactly isn’t digesting?  Does that much blue dye really need to be there?  Are my insides dyed blue or green after it comes out?  Is it harmful?  Are my intestines playing some sort of practical joke on my eyes?

In a tertiary attempt to unravel the mystery at hand, I contacted the good people at Turner Dairy Farms, and was met with a couple of responses, each unfortunately unable to answer my original question… but courteous and accommodating nonetheless.  It was a Mr. Yon & his Quality Control Manager at Turner’s who directed my attention to your esteemed department as the group that would successfully be able to provide a satisfactory explanation of the process behind the green from my behind.

I would really appreciate any insight that you may have on the situation.  Have studies been done about this phenomenon?  Has anyone ever asked you about such things before?  I have so many questions, and you’re the  education experts!  I really appreciate your taking the time to read my email, and thank you in advance for your assistance!

The Emerald Excreter,
-ERiC AiXeLsyD

Perhaps it was too goofy for all the other stuffy scientists?  Maybe they’re scared of the Emerald Excreter!

At any rate, I got an amusing an informative answer (finally):

from: EDWARD MILLS <ewm3@psu.edu>
to: ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
date: Wed, Aug 18, 2010 at 2:07 PM
subject: Re: Blue + Brown = …Green?
mailed-by: psu.edu

Eric,
Interesting question with possibly a very simple explanation.  The human eye sees green when blue and yellow light are reflected simultaneously from a surface.  Blue food dye reflects blue light.  Find a yellow dye to go with it and you could account for the observed green.

I would speculate that the blue food dye is passing through your GIT largely unchanged and is not absorbed across the gut wall. One of the more common pigments of normal stool in biliruben a yellow pigment (derived from hemoglobin or myoglobin breakdown).  Put the two together and the resulting stool might appear green.

Have a great day!
Ed Mills
814-865-2394

Win!  I did have a great day Mr. Mills, thanks to your easy to understand explanation.  Finally, the great mystery is solved!

Turner’s is much more awesome than Galliker’s. I’m just sayin’.

Posted on by Standard 5

Not only does Turner’s produce better Iced Tea, but they’re infinitely more awesome as a company.  As evidence, I give you the following email exchange.  You might want to catch up by reading my previous exchange with Turner’s and an attempted exchange with Galliker’s.

From me to Turner’s:

from ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
to Nicholas@turnerdairy.net
date Wed, Aug 4, 2010
subject Galliker’s vs. Turner’s?
mailed-by gmail.com

hide details Aug 4 (2 days ago)

Hello Titans of Tea!

Recently I wrote to Galliker’s about their Blue Raspberry Drink, and I happened to mention Turner’s Dairy.  They as of yet have not written me back.  Perhaps they were upset that I mentioned that your tea is superior and that you have a cool Tea-bird while they do not?  You can see the full email below.

At any rate, I’ve decided to stop consuming any Galliker’s products… even though I usually have to go out of my way to get Turner’s products.  (I wish more Giant Eagle stores would carry your stuff!)

The only foreseeable problem is that I like their Blue Raspberry flavored drink.  Do you guys have anything comparable?  If so, know where I can get it in Bridgeville, Heidelberg, or anywhere in the South Hills?

Also… the main point of the email below is the odd coloration after the blue dye consumption.  Do you have anything that’s a color that may balance it out?  Science is fun!  Do you guys have food scientists in your employ?  Perhaps this would be something for them to tackle.

Thank you for your time, and have a great day!

Make mine Turner’s,
-Eric

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Mon, Jul 26, 2010
Subject: Blue Raspberry Drink & interesting side-effects?
To: info@gallikers.com
Cc: stangeletti@gallikers.com

Hello Mighty Milk Moguls,

I’m writing today to tell you how much I enjoy your Blue Raspberry drink.  Man, it’s flavorful and gives me quite the sugar rush!  I do enjoy Galliker’s milk and juices, although your iced tea isn’t quite as good as Turner’s.  Your lime drink is also stellar… but typically we go for the blue.  I was wondering why you don’t have them all pictured/listed somewhere on the website when I looked to find a way to contact you.  It’s good to show everyone what you’ve got!  Turner Dairy has a photo of all of their products on their website, along with nutritional information.  I do enjoy the allergen information on the “Learn More” section of your site though… it’s something I take quite seriously as a person who suffers from a severe shellfish allergy.

The main reason that I’m writing to you today is to ask… why does your Blue Raspberry drink turn my poop into an odd shade of green?  It’s quite a disturbing site until I realize that I drank some of your juice in the last 24 hours or so.  Perhaps you ought to put a warning on the label?  I’d love to know the science behind it.  If you need photos, I can send them upon request.

Thank you for your time, and thanks in advance for the reply.  I can’t wait to hear from you!

It’s not easy being green,
-Eric

P.S. – Turner’s has a Tea-Bird, do you guys have the Galliker’s Gremlin or something cool like that?

Ridiculous, but after getting nothing from Galliker’s and pretty much a “you’re goofy” from the Yahoo! Answers community…  Why not? Well, it paid off. Nicholas  form Turner’s wrote back!

from Nicholas Yon <Nicholas@turnerdairy.net>
to ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
date Wed, Aug 4, 2010
subject RE: Galliker’s vs. Turner’s?

Eric-

Thank you for the email and kind words.  I hope the Brentwood Giant Eagle is still providing you with a viable (albeit it a somewhat far drive) option for procuring our Charlie’s Old Fashioned Buttermilk.  We do produce a “Blue Bug Juice” product which is a blue raspberry flavored beverage (picture attached).  Listed below is a location in Bridgeville that regularly carries said product as well as a number of additional Turner’s products.  As far as the blue coloration, I’ve forwarded your email to our Quality Control Director for his insight.  He’s on vacation this week and part of next so an answer will be forthcoming but may not be for a few weeks.  He may need to discuss this with some colleagues.  Thank you again for the email and for making our higher standard yours!  Have a great afternoon.

7-11 Bridgeville
850 Boyce Road
Bridgeville, PA

Nicholas Yon
Marketing Director
Turner Dairy Farms, Inc.
From Local Farms to Local Families!

The attached picture:

Blue Bug Thirs-T

Tuner's | Blue Bug Juice

I’m easily wowed by shiny things like pictures.  Pretty neat!  I’m going to have to pick up some of this bug juice.  I hope it’s made from real bugs!  (I’d love to… but can’t bring myself to write & ask that at this point.)

And… it’s awesome that this guy remembered me form before… because I totally sent the other email from my “real” email address… not this W(aL)D one.  Granted, it’s a thinly veiled alias, but dude had to be paying attention.  Kudos for that!  Ha ha ha.

I wrote back to them, of course…

from ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
to Nicholas Yon <Nicholas@turnerdairy.net>
date Fri, Aug 6, 2010
subject Re: Galliker’s vs. Turner’s?
mailed-by gmail.com

hide details 3:05 PM (54 minutes ago)

Thank you, Nicholas, for your quick and informative reply!

I will definitely be on the lookout for Blue Bug Juice!  when I was young and went to camp, we always called the drink “bug juice”.  Good times!  I like the product by name alone.  Ha ha ha.  I can swing through Bridgeville on my way home from work.  Thanks for the attached picture!

The Brentwood Giant Eagle is a great place for me to get Charlie’s Old Fasioned Buttermilk when the craving hits.  Plus, I can use going down that way as an excuse to eat at the Brentwood Express Rowdy BBQ stand.  Ever been there?  It’s ridiculously awesome barbecue.

I really look forward to hearing from your Quality Control Director.  I mean, I can make a guess as to the reason for my query, but I’d like an expert opinion.  An answer from a committee of his peers would even be better!

I find it hilarious that your “esteemed” competition obviously has no sense of humor as a company.  It must be boring to go through life with no appreciation for anything amusing.

I just need to make it a point to stop at Rite Aid more often to get my Turner’s iced tea fix… although I wish they’d carry a larger selection of products like the juices & lime tea.

Have a pleasant weekend!

-Eric

P.S. – Do you ever get to drive the Tea-Bird?  That would make for an exciting weekend!

Hopefully I’ll hear something from this mysterious Quality Control Director and his esteemed panel of colleagues.

The McSaga Continues (…A reply from Ms. Jones!)

Posted on by Standard 9

Perhaps this is the end more than a continuation.

I wrote back to Mr. Kausky & received another reply.  I pushed again with Kty_McD and received an actual reply from Ella Jones at Mc5834.  Perversely, I hope when I read in the seething anger between the lines that I’m not wrong.

I’ll try to lay it out in Chronological order…

from ERiC AiXeLsyD world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
to Scott Kausky skausky33@verizon.net
date Mon, Jul 26, 2010
subject Re: A day in the life of McDonald’s #5834 (West Liberty Ave.)
mailed-by gmail.com

Hello Scott,

I would like to first thank you for your replies.  I can tell by the look of your location and the attitude of the employees that great pride is taken in the operation of your McDonald’s.  Your emails have confirmed it!  I’m generally amazed at how quickly I can get in & out of the Canonsburg location at lunch time when it is usually quite packed.  Quality/taste of the food aside, generally one goes to McDonald’s with convenience and speed being at the top of the priority list.

I was hoping to write back to you to tell you that I had been contacted by Ella Jones or someone else at the West Liberty Avenue location… but I cannot.  I didn’t want to wait too long in replying to you to say thanks.  Thanks for proving that all McDonald’s managers/owners/operators/customer service reps are not apathetic, and thanks for your involvement in perusing this customer service issue which is mostly unrelated to you!

I have also followed up via the contact form at the McDonald’s website, and with a Katy (@Kty_McD) via the McDonald’s Twitter Team.  Both to no avail thus far.  They must really have issues other than the obvious over in Beechview if they’re not even responding from other franchise owners or from a corporate push.  I can tell you that they have received my last dollar, no matter what the outcome.

I hope that no offense is taken when I say that you seem to operate more like a Chick-fil-A manager than a McDonald’s manager.  I hate to stereotype, but they generally have a more pleasant disposition as a fast food chain.  They also respond quickly and positively to customer service related emails.  They usually have quite the hands-on approach in special promotions every night of the week and the way things are run.

Your drive-thru traffic direction cones/poles are a great idea… I don’t know why they’re not standard issue in all split drive-thru locations.  It’s amazing that people would cut up and around.  Are they totally blind to the lines on the ground?  I’m always amazed at how some people think that they’re better than the rest of us, or the rules don’t apply to them.

I hope that you’re able to push the inside queue line issue with success in the future.  I certainly don’t see anything wrong with it.  It works for amusement parks, the bank, Wendy’s, & Burger King.  With the multiple entrances in your store, and with people standing back waiting for their orders to be filled, it can be quite confusing to know who’s next.

I will keep you posted on a resolution with store #5834 (if there ever is one), thank you for your time & effort!

-Eric

And then..

from Scott Kausky skausky33@verizon.net
to ERiC AiXeLsyD world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
date Mon, Jul 26, 2010
subject Re: A day in the life of McDonald’s #5834 (West Liberty Ave.)
mailed-by verizon.net

Eric,

Thanks again.  It amazes me because they would be all over us, (the operator) community if any complaints are not closed out.  I have placed a follow up email to  our business consultant.  One day, when I work my way up to president, I’ll have a direct line to my office.  I understand that everyone is busy, but at the end of the day, its the customers like you who put the pay in payday.  If I can ever assist you in the future, please feel free to contact me.

Sincerely,
Scott Kausky
General Manager

Scott is all over that!  I seriously wish him luck in is race to become McPresident, and I hope he gets those queue lines installed.  It keeps one grounded to know that your pay is ultimately coming from customer satisfaction.

Here’s the reply that we’ve all been waiting for (apparently it was emailed to my alternate email address on Thursday… still over 2 weeks after my original message):

From: Jones Ella <ella.jones@us.mcd.com>
To: World(andLunar)Domination <worldandlunardomination@yahoo.com>
Cc: “West Liberty (pit.05834@us.stores.mcd.com)” <pit.05834@us.stores.mcd.com>
Sent: Thu, July 22, 2010
Subject: RE: A day in the life of McDonald’s #5834 (West Liberty Ave.)

Hi Eric,

Thank you for taking the time to communicate about the West Liberty McDonald’s.    Something will be done about the Jiffy Lube.  We are waiting on a new tenant.  The building interior choice was made based on what some customers like.  I understand not all customers like it and your feedback will help McDonald’s as they plan to design other locations.  Thank you for the feedback.

We are working on the speed issues, the food quality issues, and the customer service issues at this location.  We have support coming in to help us become the “well oiled”  operation that we need to be.  Thank you for taking your time to point out our issues—this certainly helps us get better.

Sincerely,
Ella Jones

If you need a refresher, click here to read my original email to Ms. Jones.  (And note in the comments that others have had similar experiences there!)

I feel like Ms. Jones didn’t read past the Brady Bunch comment… although we did get a “well-oiled”  quote from the last paragraph.  I’d love to meet the focus group that liked the new McDonald’s layout/design.  Did they know it was for a McDoanld’s or did they think it was for a fruit stand in a 70’s movie?

  • There was no mention of the incorrect breakfast sandwich or explanation of how that happened.
  • There was no mention of the crazy double-drive-thru traffic patterns.
  • No mention of the Canonsburg store used as a good example.
  • No mention of the spongy rubbery egg-like substance.
  • No mention of the race for the “sloth” title with Wendy’s.
  • No mention of the ridiculous wait time or stress-induced customer telepathy.
  • No mention of the cardboard-like McNuggets.
  • No mention of what the nuggets contained before they were “all white meat”.
  • No mention of my admitting that I was wrong.

Are my emails too long-winded?  I guess I know the answer to that..  But still… if we’re getting into percentage of questions asked vs. questions answered (not even assigning a quality to the answer), we’re not even getting a passing grade here!

Id love to know just how many “you need to answer this email” emails that Ms. Jones received.  I encourage you to also write if you’ve had a bad experience there. It would be even better if you share it with us.  I’d love to post other letters of dissatisfaction.

I’m guessing that my pressing the issue further really isn’t going to get me anywhere.  She doesn’t seem like the type to comment on the spongy rubbery egg stuff or mystery meat McNuggets.  It will be interesting to see if orange cones appear in the drive-thru down there.

Perhaps one day they will actually get their act together.  I bet not, but perhaps.

Chip Wars: Snyder of Berlin

Posted on by Standard Reply

Wow.  I’ve had some duds before, but this Chip Wars thing that I tried to spark really was a colossal dud.

No one got out of line with their replies, they divulged as little information as possible.  No dirt.  No funny.  No aggravation even.  I have to say I’m disappointed in myself as much as the responses.  Apparently I didn’t push the right buttons.  It certainly took long enouhg for them to write back, but I finally got a response from Snyder of Berlin:

from Yanke, Terry tyanke@birdseyefoods.com
to world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
cc “Yanke, Terry” tyanke@birdseyefoods.com
date Mon, Jul 26, 2010
subject Snyder vs Snyder
mailed-by birdseyefoods.com

Dear Eric,

Thank you for your many questions about the Snyder of Berlin history and products .  We are always pleased to hear from customers such as your self.

First – Regarding the statement “is not associated with”.   This statement is a legal phrase that must be used from the sale of the family to Curtice Burn.

Second – We do not give tours of the manufacturing plant.

Thank you for being a loyal Snyder of Berlin customer.

Terry Yanke
Order Desk / Customer Service Representative
Snyder of Berlin / Husman Snack Foods
Ph # 814-267-4641 ext. 238
800-374-7949 ext. 238
Fax # 888-367-6142
tyanke@birdseyefoods.com

P Think Green. Please don’t print this message unless it’s really necessary. Thank you.

Well.  I wonder what they think when they read my emails?  Do they think I’m eccentric, a little kid, or “special”?  They may even think I’m a “special” eccentric little kid.  I think it’s funny that they acknowledge the fact that I asked several questions, but only answered two of them.

I sent them the same exact message that I sent to Snyder’s of Hanover.  Their answer was boring and ignored most of my questions too.  These companies are much more similar than they’d like to admit.

Perhaps too much snacking curbs your sense of humor?

No tours?  Wow.  Everyone else does tours.  Free ones at that.  Way to go on that one, PR people.

Should I reply and ask them to answer more of my questions… or should I just let this one drop like the proverbial hot potato that it is?

Also… I felt the urge to print 317 copies of this email.