Teriyaki Stuff


I absolutely love the flavors in Asian food, but because of my shellfish allergy, I rarely dine at those types of restaurants because of ingredients like oyster sauce or brine shrimp as seasoning and cross contamination. I even had friends that once ordered “vegetarian” egg rolls that contained crab meat. I think it was a perfect storm of a language issue and a culture issue.

I posted this photo of a dish we make often on social media, and was asked for the recipe. I figured I would share it here too! It’s more of a method maybe than an exact recipe. My wife usually makes it with chicken instead of beef and without the chick peas.

  1. Made 4 cups  of instant rice according to the box, instead of salt in the water I used 1 teaspoon of beef bullion, set aside.
  2. Sear the steaks on high on a flat pan that can go into the oven – coat w/ EVOO, salt & pepper… about 2 minutes a side.
  3. Place a pat of butter on each steak, place in oven at 400° for about 10 minutes.
  4. Cook the chick peas in a bit of EVOO, maybe medium-high heat.  You need to keep an eye on them as they can “pop.”
  5. Add the Teriyaki sauce to the pan and let it cook, maybe take it down to medium.  I keep stirring & scraping the bottom of the pan.
  6. Get the water boiling for under a steamer basket.  I usually add onion powder and garlic powder.
  7. Take out the steaks and let them rest on a cutting board.
  8. Steam the vegetables above the boiling water once it starts to go… I usually wait for them to turn a bright color then turn it off as I like them still to be a bit crunchy.  Carrots on bottom, broccoli in the middle, peppers on top seems to make the cook the most evenly.
  9. Cut the steaks into strips, I try to go on an angle so they’re nice & tender.
  10. Add the steak to the chick peas & Teriyaki… don’t overcook the steak.  It should still be a little pink in the middle when you add it.
  11. Fluff the rice.
  12. I use garlic powder, onion powder, season all, Mrs. Dash, salt, & pepper throughout on everything.
  13. Plate the rice, veggies, beef/chickpeas/sauce and enjoy!

It all sounds much more complicated than it is.  You can cook he steaks on a countertop grill or cut them into strips & cook in the pan… but I tend to overcook them that way. You could, of course, also use the marinade as an actual marinade.

You could just boil the veggies too, but I feel like that takes out all the flavor and turns them to mush.  Roasting them in the oven may be delicious too, but would take a bit longer… this would be good for the chickpeas too.

If I had a wok, I’d get brave and try it all like a stir-fry. Maybe like the “white people tacos” meme, this is my version of Asian food.

I’d be interested to see what other people think if you try it out. I’d like if you shared your meals like this in the comments, so I have more stuff to try.

I am stuck on this type of La Choy Teriyaki sauce & marinade. The flavor is perfect. The “stir fry sauce” has sesame seeds in it, & I’m not a fan of the texture and hate to tempt fate with diverticulitis issues. The other ones are just OK. What’s your favorite type? Have you ever made your own?

According to Wikipedia, it seems like Teriyaki is similar to Barbecue as it seems to refer to a style of cooking as well as the sauce. Maybe I am wildly misusing the term? I just like the sauce. A lot.

It has been increasingly difficult to find. I have tweeted (𝕏eeted?) Conagra and I think they are stalling. I’m going to have to have a maze-fueled letter & email wiring campaign. I was told the sauce was discontinued by a local distributor to Giant Eagle in 2009, but have definitely found it since then. The current La Choy website doesn’t list it as a product, but the Internet Wayback Machine has it.



Well, I 𝘸𝘢𝘴 done with Levin. Then they emailed a customer satisfaction survey. 🤣


Well, I was done with Levin. Then they emailed a customer satisfaction survey. That triggered me again. Here’s what I sent back. Then I dug up as many corporate names as I could, and their email syntax. I know some landed, because about three minutes after I hit send they were calling my wife.

Here’s what I said:

💻

Hello Friends,

I recently had what we’ll call a horrendous experience with Levin Furniture.  I had vented about it online, and moved on.  Until my wife forwarded me the customer satisfaction survey.  That took some immense lack of self-awareness on your part, so I am hoping with this missive to make you a bit more aware.  The following is what I typed up & sent along with the 3 1-star answers to the survey.  I thought I would look up some email addresses and get it in front of as many eyes as I could.  I will also copy the salesman that my wife dealt with who never replied to her email inquiring about delivery.

Already sent was the following:  

On Saturday September 9th, my wife & son went to Levin and a few other furniture stores to purchase a powered recliner for me, to help with post colo-rectal surgery recovery.

Looking online at our options and various price ranges, I knew I wanted a chair that had a cup holder, phone charger, and storage pockets… as I was not sure how mobile I would be post-op, and was quite frankly uncomfortable going into surgery.

I would have gone to view them myself, but that happened to be in-between my second and third ER trips & hospital admissions in 4 weeks stemming from a burst pocket of diverticulitis and a nasty ensuing abscess and infection.  I was in poor health, and in no mood to deal with furniture sales tactics.  I can even provide photos of the CT scans and the drain sticking out of my right but cheek if you like to be grossed out.

My wife ordered an Ashley Model Next-Gen DuraPella Power Recliner SKU # 2200413, mainly because Levin promised to deliver before La-Z-Boy & Value City could on very similarly optioned & priced items.  Remember that “before” qualifier as you digest (pun intended) the following paragraphs.

In hindsight, it was a largely false promise on the part of Levin, one that if I were a pessimist would assume is a regular practice on the part of your sales team.

The chair was promised to be delivered by Sept. 19th.  That Tuesday came & my wife logged in to the website to see the delivery was now scheduled for Thursday Sept. 21st, and we had no communication on that change from Levin.

On Thursday, my wife called the delivery number, then the store to ask about the chair’s whereabouts.  She talked to an Anna who said the original salesperson, Jared Chambers, was “new” and “didn’t know he had to schedule the delivery.”

My wife also emailed jchambers@levinfurniture.com on Sept. 21st to inquire about the delivery, but as of yet has not received a reply.  We can forward that unanswered email if needed.

Despite this excuse smelling of total and absolute bovine feces, Anna told my wife that they could “squeeze us in” that Saturday the 23rd for delivery.  Were we the first order where this was discovered?  If not, why wasn’t it rectified sooner?  Does Levin train all new employees this poorly?  You don’t really have to answer that last one.  It was rhetorical.

Saturday the 23rd came and two nice men delivered a recliner to us.  Once they brought it in & put it together, I noticed that it does not have the cup holder, phone charger, or storage pockets.  It happened to be an Ashley Model 5930213 Power Recliner @ $1349.99, completely not what we ordered.  It was not the same model, SKU #, or price.

The guys sent photos to their boss, their boss contacted Levins, & Anna called my wife.

We tipped the guys $20 and they took the nice new recliner away.

In that conversation with my wife, Anna then blamed an incorrect tag or sku # being on the display model in the showroom.  She also used the phrasing that it was “no one’s fault.”  This incensed me, as it obviously was the fault of Levin employees on multiple levels.  Who tagged the chair with the wrong tag?  Who double-checks their work?  The salesman did not confirm that what he was ordering matched the floor model?  This is not “no one’s fault,” this is a tragic comedy of careless errors.

My wife asked Anna at that time if we could purchase the floor model, as time was of the essence.  Anna said she would call back.

We went to Big Lots! in Washington PA that evening to look at couches.  Yes, we need a couch, and Levin is off the table for what I believe to be quite obvious reasons.

Anna had still not called my wife as of around 6:00 PM, so my wife called her.  Anna said we could have the floor model if we came and got it.  Now, I am in poor health with restrictions on lifting, my kids are young, we have a vehicle classed as a station wagon, and my wife is a strong woman, but I would not ask her to move a recliner herself.

You would think the salesman and or store manager eager to make good on a sale, would have delivered the damn thing in a pickup or something.

Customer service is dead.

No concessions on price were offered from Anna.  My wife asked for some form of compensation for our aggravation, and at first the only offer was to refund the original delivery fee… for the WRONG CHAIR.  Crazy us to assume it would be a given to not pay for that.  I believe we got half off of the 2nd delivery, and were refunded the difference between the original incorrect, more expensive chair, and the correct less expensive one.

If your profit margins are so small that you cannot automatically offer a few hundred dollars off on this purchase or even on a future purchase, you perhaps need to rethink your entire business model.

The correct recliner was finally delivered on Tuesday Oct. 3rd.  This was a full two weeks after it was promised, after the dates when we could have received a recliner from your esteemed competitors, and 3 days after I was released from the hospital.after surgery.

Did I mention that we set our old chair out for the trash the Thursday night prior to the initial incorrect Saturday delivery?  

I would like to ask you to imagine having a foot-long section of your colon and rectum removed, your remaining section of colon & rectum stapled together, a wound vac hanging on your side connected to a tube from an incision above your belly button, and a bulbous drain hanging out of your side right at your waistline.

That makes sitting anywhere uncomfortable.  Imagine, if you would, a nice stressless recliner to ease the situation…  because I can’t.

Some other person did leave a voicemail for my wife after I left a frustration-venting rant & a comment or two on Facebook, but that was the night of my colon-cleanse.  If you’ll forgive the mental image, we already had enough crap to put up with.

Honestly though, for that attention-grabbing shenanigans to be the ONLY thing that triggered some sort of response, you were well past the too little/too late threshold.

Your people skills are abhorrent at the sales and service levels, and your corporate level customer service is merely reactionary to online “bad press” only to save face, not serve actual customer satisfaction & retention.

I actually applaud your testicular fortitude in reaching out with a customer satisfaction survey.  It either takes massive ignorance or massive swagger. And you already know where I believe you fall on the scale.

I was pretty much done with it all through, after leaving my review on Google Maps and my blog, until that came through.  Bravo.

I now intend to send this to every level of your corporation that has eyes.  May the best of them find work elsewhere, and may the worst of them stay to drive you further into the ground than the last time you were there.

Thank you for your time, and may whatever deity you ascribe to have mercy on your soul,

-Eric

aixelsyd13.wordpress.com

💻

I neglected to note we tipped the 2nd set of delivery guys $20 too. But, if they don’t even pretend to care about the customers, they certainly don’t care about the employees, right? While we’re on the subject… was that appropriate, or cheap? I try to check in on these things occasionally.

After Kelly Maytas at Levin left my wife a Voicemail, I got this email…

💻

Eric,

    Thank you for reaching out to us and letting us know about your experience. We aim to deliver a great experience and are disheartened when we don’t. We will use your feedback to make us better.

     I apologize for the inconvenience and the stress this has caused you. I personally would like to speak to you about your experience and respectfully apologize and take ownership of our failure to deliver a great experience. I know you need to rest, but at your convenience can you please give me a call at 330-###-####. 

Best Regards,

 Kelly Matyas 

  Customer  Experience Manage

💻

I took the time to send this back…

💻

Thank You Ms. Maytas, 

Not sure if you got just the survey response, or the email that I tried to send to a handful of people after researching names and email syntax online.  

I am really not sure what you can do at this point for us.  

I suggest you get your Robinson store in order… from tagging furniture properly, to sales reps understanding the product, your procedures, or setting up deliveries in a timely manner, and customer service reps that understand what apologizing really is.  Only then can you maybe knock it out of the park for future customers.  

We are in desperate need of a new couch, but not that desperate.  I feel like your team has not only burned but nuked the proverbial bridge, and I concede that I worked on that from my side of things also.  I  am not a fan of phone calls, I prefer the written word.  I also prefer retailers that automatically offer discounts on current or future sales without having to be asked.  Again, we’re past that.

Unless you’d like to suggest a competitor that will actually deliver a quality product on time?

Good luck to you in righting the ship at Levins, as your tenacity in reaching out speaks to the fact that you will stay the course!  I wish that we could have dealt with you on the store level instead of when it reached a wild level of ridiculousness (again, the online shenanigans are all on me – but it shouldn’t have taken that to garner attention).

I appreciate your time in reaching out!  I like you, unlike your seemingly dimwitted and soul-crushed coworkers.  Perhaps they need a pizza party or two for morale?

Please enjoy some of the free mazes at my blog, or buy my book!

Your Friend,

-Eric

💻

What do you think will happen next? Are we done here? Oh yeah, this is the now infamous chair…

Thanks, Ashley.

Oh Sheetz!


I messed up. Somebody caught that you couldn’t get the whole way through my recent Sheetz maze.

Here, I fixed it…

Sheetz posted a maze, I gave them a real one.


Just a little shenanigans. Do you like theirs or mine?

Marvelous Maze Madness


Yeah, I have had some down-time lately, so I finally hit the maze thing full force. You may have read about it here or here.

I got my books today! Getting reports from others that they have theirs too, thanks for posting & tagging me! Feel free to share the link anywhere & everywhere! Ha ha.

Two copies of my maze book, "So I Finally Made A Maze Book."

Here’s my totally self-indulgent “unboxing” video on YouTube:

Ethan Muter posted & tagged me in the first “I received your book” post!

Check it out:

As of now, I have sold 25 copies, and it’s staying solid there. It’s not a huge number, but hey… it’s more than I have ever sold before! We did get a private photo of our friends’ daughter solving one of the mazes in the book, too. How cool is that? Early reports are that it is challenging and fun for a 10yo.

I need help getting the word out, as I have a $0 advertising budget.

If you can, leave a review on Amazon, or even at GoodReads! It would be awesome if you add it to your “to read” or wish list, or even marked as “read” at GoodReads, or follow me as an author there.

Both the TeePublic and RedBubble stores are active, and Randall Gilbert bought the first TeePublic T-shirt with the banana maze! You can get all kinds of cool clothing and merch at both stores, including mugs, stickers, and RedBubble even has acrylic blocks, pet bandanas and shower curtains!

Any ideas to help spread the word?

The consistently most visited post at my blog is In a maze mood, I guess. from January 2012. I have no idea what drives everyone there. Maybe Pinterest? I am tempted to update that page with a link to the book!

I’m also very interested in the Kindle books… Is it useless on a Kindle? Can you mark it up on anything?

𝔄𝔯𝔢 𝔪𝔞𝔷𝔢𝔰 𝔞𝔯𝔱? 𝔚𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔞𝔟𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔪𝔢𝔯𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔫𝔡𝔦𝔰𝔢?


OK, the creative bug has bit. I’ve opened two shops for maze merchandise, or at least tried to. I went to RedBubble and TeePublic. The TeePublic one seems to be live, but the RedBubble one is not (yet). [They’re saying to wait 5 business days.]

I’ll have a merch page here at the blog, but here are the links for now:

I appreciate your support of my artistic endeavors. I know money is tight for a lot of people right now. It’s cool if you can’t buy, or simply don’t want to. I can dig it’s not everyone’s style. Please, share the link if you’re so inclined, even directly to someone who you think may be interested.

If you do end up buying a T-shirt, book, or whatever. Please, give a review on the site… and post it on Social Media & tag me! I’m @AiXeLsyD13 on pretty much everything out there.

So, I Finally Made a Maze Book!


I had some time recently, and I wanted to see what the process was to publish a print-on-demand book from Amazon. I grabbed a bunch of my smaller easy mazes with no discernable theme that I had previously posted here & on Instagram, and assembled them into a book. All of them were scanned in & maybe fixed a bit with paint.NET, and I put the pages of the book together with OpenOffice, so my only cost came down to the pens & paper. (Not sure how to quantify time & sanity.)

At any rate, I present to you – So I Finally Made a Maze Book: Easy Mazes by AiXeLsyD13

The cover for "So I Finally Made a Maze Book: Easy Mazes by AiXeLsyD13."  It's white text in a blue rectangle, with 4 mazes underneath.  The mazes should be relatively easy, & have been colored.  Clockwise from the top left they are a taco, a gnome, a snowman, & a banana.
Yup, I finally did it. After drawing mazes for decades.

It was very simple to publish with Amazon. This gave me the confidence to put together another book, perhaps with a bit more coherence, and definitely with a much better cover. I have already started drawing new mazes in a neat little box template so they’re a bit more consistent. What’s a good number? 30? 50?

Also, I need to get all of these older mazes scanned & into a book too. I have some pages that are bigger than my scanner bed though. Perhaps a trip to FedEx Office or Staples is in order.

I just kind of set the price arbitrarily to make a little bit off of publishing. I’m not looking to get rich, but it would be nice to finally make income of off artistic output after decades of ostensibly doodling. (I won’t delve into my musical endeavors which are break even at best but probably a negative sum game. 🤣)

Luckily the creative outlet for me is just that, an outlet. I think we all need to express ourselves artistically or through sports, gardening, or other hobbies.

It also suggested I make a Kindle version, so I did that too. I am not sure if the concept will work there. Can you draw on a Kindle screen with a stylus or your finger? Can you print from a Kindle? I must confess I don’t have one. I am still a fan of books in the traditional form.

If you have ever enjoyed my mazes, or have been one of the awesome people that has completed them and sent in the solution – I humbly ask you (if you’re so inclined) to purchase a paperback for around $6 or a Kindle book for around $3 and let me know what you think. Should I do more? Did you enjoy it? Is the quality any good?

Really, I ask you to try even if you have never solved one of my mazes. Now is a good time to start!

It might make a good gift for kids or adults. It’s a nice way to pass some time or zone out.

If you do buy, can you leave an honest rating/review? I feel like that goes a long way with Amazon.

If you can’t buy or are really not interested, that’s OK too! I would ask you to maybe share the link around.

My thoughts on the next one are that I probably need a table of contents, to maybe title the mazes, and… should I include the solutions in the back? That’s one of my issues. I like to draw the mazes, but don’t really solve them. I may need to reach out for help on that part & pay someone to complete them so I can include the solutions (and make sure they’re solvable).

I probably need help with a title, too.

Thanks for reading, tanks for considering, and please share this link on every social media platform known to humankind: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH2FMH7W

Change is inevitable, and I hate it. #DollarShaveClub?#DollarShameClub!


It started with some warning post cards & emails. Dollar Shave Club was phasing out the three bladed razors in favor of the 4… and switching my plan without asking. Well, mine, and all the other subscribers out there. Why?

Assuming a lot of their membership is male. Stereotypically, men are resistant to change. Why fix what’s not broken?

In the grand scheme of life, this is most certainly just a small annoyance… but an annoyance nonetheless. My typical email writing shenanigans has not provided any “real” answers other than some 🐂💩 about having done research that indicates people like the new blades.

The 4-blade razors feel like tiny demons ripping the hair out of your face one-by-one. I don’t know how a razor company messes up razors, but here we are. I can’t be the only one.

I feel like they had to stop making them for some reason. Costs? Manufacturing facility change? Why change a good thing? I thought they called them The Executive but now they’re calling them “Heritage.”

I sent them this maze via email, Twitter,Facebook, & Instagram, and that have not acknowledged it at all. 🤣

It’s not easy keeping up with these perpetually-out-of-style sideburns & my regal salt & pepper goatee.

The responses have been pretty banal. This was my original email:

Hello Friends,

I think you messed up… but it’s OK.  I’m here for you in your time of need.  I can help clear your mind so you can make better decisions.

I cannot find any fathomable reason that you needed to switch from the heritage series razors to the club series.  The old 3-bladed razors were awesome.  These new 4-blade razors are, to put it bluntly (pun intended), absolute shit.  After one use with the new 4-bladed razors, it feels like someone is ripping the hairs out of my face.

Honestly, I never paid much attention to what the old ones were called.  Was it The Executive?  I don’t know.  I don’t care.  It shaved my face, well, and I did not like any of the other options.

Did you test it on people with alopecia or animals that could not provide feedback?  Were you not alive during the New Coke debacle?  People don’t like change.  Men stereotypically do not like change.  I get anxiety when my wife rearranges the furniture.

You can imagine my displeasure with being forced to use a new razor, and my irritation (pun, again, woefully intended) at the use of it.  I have seen many other unsatisfied people on Twitter.  They all can’t be wrong.

My gift to you is this maze.  You can use it as you contemplate the best way to bring back the old blade.  Labyrinths have traditionally helped people meditate.  Surely it can help you come to a good decision and a concise quick plan to get out of this shenanigans.

I may be forced to try Harry’s, but I like your Shave Butter and I don’t think they have anything comparable.  How can I control my goofy lambchop-exsque sideburns and more-salt-than-pepper van dyke/goatee thing without a razor I can trust?  It is hard to maintain my perpetually out of style facial hair.  (Do you see an anti-change theme here?)

Thank you for your time.  I look forward to your thoughts on the whole thing… or at least an explanation of the thinking behind the change.

My face feels like Anakin when Obi Wan got the high ground.

Pleading for sanity,

-Eric.seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI 

This was their blah reply…

Hey Eric,

Thanks for bringing this to our attention. Apologies for the late response. This certainly isn’t the experience we would have hoped for and the quality of our products is a top priority for us, so we appreciate you bringing this to our attention. We apologize for the trouble. I’ll be sure to forward your feedback to the right department for a review. Your experience is extremely valuable to us. We also understand that change can be difficult but we decided to make and sell our own Club Series razor.

Of course, if you’d prefer to cancel your account immediately, we understand as well. Just let us know what you decide and we can get that taken care of right away.

Thanks,

Jane

Then, this…

Thanks Jane,

Did you or any of your team at least try the maze while you thought it over?

This is an insane level of shenanigans.  I thought it would help you reach the right decision to keep making the old style blades until the sun explodes & swallows the earth… or at least until I die.

I would cancel, but your shave butter is super awesome.  I am stuck between a proverbial rock and a hard place, but the rock is traditional shaving cream or gel, and the hard place is your 4-blade razors that feel like they are tugging the follicles out of my face.

Dejected,

Bushy in Bridgeville

This was it. Again. Is “Jane” AI?

Hey Eric,

Thanks for getting back to us. We are currently working on this issue. Can you please confirm if you want me to cancel your account immediately? As checked, you have an item with your recurring box that will be billed this coming April 21st.

Looking forward to your response so we can have this taken care of.

Thanks,

Jane

I guess this is where it ends, my friends.

Hello Jane,

I guess I would like you to cancel my subscription.  I feel like you’re “sus” (as my kids would say) AI, and you’re not giving real reasons why the blades were changed, or even acknowledging my hilarious maze.

I think I may go with Amazon.  Harry’s doesn’t appear to have that shave butter goodness… and Amazon has a plethora of options.  I get TV, music, and everything else from Amazon anyway.  I, for one, welcome our capitalist digital overlords.  Maybe they have a sense of humor?  I can draw them a maze and see if they appreciate it.

It’s never too late to re-think your bad decisions.  Please share the maze with your friends & co-workers.

-Eric.

seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI 

I would move to Harry’s, but they seem to not have anything comparable to DSC’s Shave Butter. I am a convert. No more cream or gel for me. I need to try this dastardly 6-bladed razor. Perhaps an Amazon subscription service will do me well?

They didn’t respond via Facebook messenger, a DM on Twitter seemed very AI, and Instagram’s DM was not entertaining in the least.

I’m not the only one who thought so either. Twitter is LIT UP about it.

Do you or did you subscribe to the Dollar Shave Club? Did this annoy you too? Sound off in the comments!

Also, try the maze!

Well, I’m at it again.


I can’t help it. I need to draw mazes. I should try to get them out there. There are so many print-on-demand services that handle all the manufacturing and logistics… it would be crazy to not try & generate some passive income from my mazes.

How do I choose though?

I certainly have a style. So, I drew a maze, emailed a bunch of services at once, and submitted webforms to others asking why I should choose them. It should prove entertaining whether any of it lands or not.

Here’s the email:

Hello friends,

I write to you today somewhat overwhelmed.  The great and powerful all-knowing Google has given me a multitude of options.  I have so many options I’m nearly paralyzed with indecision.

Perhaps I am getting ahead of myself.  I’m an artist of sorts.  I’m a bit of a strange duck.  I need a creative outlet so I turned to blogging, so I guess I write a bit too.  I have been drawing mazes since I was about 12 or 13 years old, and now I’m 46.  I have been repeatedly told I should publish them or something, but I just never did.  I was more about squiggles than coherent themes or cartoons.  I have branched out.

I would like to get some of my mazes on merchandise like T-shirts or mugs, and maybe into self-published books.  I had a guy with a sublimation print business set up some maze mugs that came with a little dry-erase marker… but he closed up shop before any real orders were made.  He also made some really cool one-off socks!

This is where you guys come in.  Why would I use your service over the others out there?  Is there a one-stop-shop where I can set up merchandise and publish books?  Sell art prints?  I have browsed the websites.  I have read the low price and high quality sales pitches.  How would you, a creative person, implore a fellow creative person with an odd penchant for writing weird emails and letters to use your service over all the others?

I’m a huge fan of the no-money-up-front model, where you have a shop and a site and I have a small home there.  In that theme I would be using paint.NET or GIMP to tweak the hand-drawn mazes… although I just learned via Twitter that Scribus may be another invaluable free tool for putting together a book.  Do any of you offer printed mugs with dry erase markers?  Also…  I have a legacy pile of mazes some of which are stupidly sized larger than my scanner.  Do you think phone scans would be acceptable if they can provide good enough black & white image quality?

I certainly wouldn’t mind some somewhat passive income from a creative outlet, that can enable my stupid guitar habit or my rekindled LEGO habit.  I know my last creative “money making” ventures in local bands actually ended up costing money, so hopefully this pans out somewhat more successful.  Unless you also pay in “gas money” and free beer?

Would anyone want to wear a shirt with a maze on it?  Does anyone buy print media maze books and do them?  Good questions that I would like to answer.  I could print a book of mazes that I have drawn around letters to companies like Pizza Hut or Pepperidge Farm.  Should maze books include solution pages?  I like to draw mazes, not solve them.  Is that weird?

I’ll attach some samples of my work.  I really would like to hear your thoughts on why I should use your site over others.  Perhaps one of my mazes will inspire you!

Inquisitively,

-Eric

aixelsyd13.wordpress.com

And, here’s the latest maze:

I’m not happy at all with that paper, the pen, or the scan quality… but I did it really quick. I attached a few random past works to the emails & web submissions where applicable also.

I’m also looking into print-on-demand publishing. Would anybody out there reading actually but this stuff? Please, let me know in the comments.

What about a book of mazes sent to companies for various ridiculous reasons and their replies? Why read it here for free online when you could buy it? Yay! Send me money!

In all seriousness, any advice is appreciated… especially if you’re already successfully doing such things.

I need to read these about the publishing though…



Pepperidge Farm Adventure Maze


So, right before new years, I went on adventure looking for mini cocktail rye breads from Pepperidge Farm. They used to make one called Jewish Rye, and Pumpernickel.

The Jewish Rye was cool because it contained ground caraway seeds instead of the standard whole caraway seeds. I have had bouts with Diverticulitis, so I try to stay hydrated & avoid tiny sharp seeds. Caraway absolutely ruins sauerkraut, but it is good in rye bread.

Pumpernickel is cool because it essentially is named for the devil’s farts… and if that’s not cool, I don’t know what is. This is also code in my household for “I am always right.” I told my wife the name origin behind it, she said there was no way, Googled it… and, like I said… I am always right.

I know that the other manufacturer, S. Rosen, make cocktail-sized rye and pumpernickel bread… but the rye is not seedless. Apparently Hanky Panky means something entirely different in some parts of Ohio.

My wife likes to make this stuff for New Year’s that’s like swiss cheese, lemon-pepper, and mayo on the cocktail-sized Jewish Rye then toasted in the oven. It’s delicious. I like to make little mini open faced Reubens. The pumpernickel would be an acceptable alternative if I absolutely can’t find the seedless rye.

Because I’m weird and can’t leave anything alone, we have this…

I, of course, posted it on Twitter, Instagram, & Facebook. I tagged Pepperidge Farm & Pepperidge Farm Cares. To their credit, they did reply:

I did tag all the stores that I could in the photo on Instagram and Facebook, but none of them have taken the bait.

I had to turn it up a notch, to which they did not reply:

Hello, 

I was wondering if anyone had time to try and complete my maze while considering bringing back cocktail-sized Jewish Rye. 

The ground caraway was awesome, because it isn't a potential diverticulitis disaster like whole seeds are. 

My wife wpuld [sic] use it to make this delicious lemon pepper cheese appetizer, and I like to make tiny Reuben sandwiches and pretend I am a reformed King King that no longer has to eat people sacrificed to me on Skull Island. 

The mini pumpernickel is cool just because of the etymology. I mean? It has to be the most metal bread out there.  

How can you discontinue such wonderful things?

All of that just says:

Hello,

I was wondering if anyone had time to try and complete my maze while considering bringing back cocktail-sized Jewish Rye.

The ground caraway was awesome, because it isn’t a potential diverticulitis disaster like whole seeds are.

My wife wpuld [sic] use it to make this delicious lemon pepper cheese appetizer, and I like to make tiny Reuben sandwiches and pretend I am a reformed King King that no longer has to eat people sacrificed to me on Skull Island.

The mini pumpernickel is cool just because of the etymology. I mean? It has to be the most metal bread out there. 🤘

How can you discontinue such wonderful things?

Also, AI generated art seems to be the cool thing these days, so I tried to make this on a few different ones to go along with the blog post:

King Kong feasting upon a stack of tiny Reuben sandwiches on tiny bread.  There is a stack of sandwiches in the background resembling the Empire State Building.  it is evening with a full moon in the clear sky.  King Kong has a highly detailed face where you can clearly see his expression of pure satisfaction.

I may have to buy a gorilla suit and make some tiny Reubens with the S. Rosen bread… and convince the wife or kids to take my photo.

Or, I may have to make a maze for S. Rosen, featuring a caraway seed that must make the journey through my guys without getting stuck, causing inflammation & a possible infection. Or maybe it has to make its way through a grinder before beign added to the dough & baked?

I doubt than anyone at Pepperidge Farm or Pepperidge Farm Cares is going to complete my maze. But, if they do, you can thank me later.

As far as discussion here, which I always ask for yet rarely get in the comments, let me know what you do with mini cocktail rye or pumpernickel bread.

Also… Ler’s discuss Reubens. Russian or Thousand Island? Regular rye or marbled? Do you add anything like bacon or swap out corned beef for Pastrami? Do you ever use Havarti instead of Swiss? Grilled in a pan, or on a panini press? I should blog about Reubens. Mmm. I’m hungry.

Also, please, please, complete the maze! Send me the results, post & tag me!

The most important takeaway is that if I tell you something, I am always right. Pumpernickel.