Spaceballs Special Edition in 3D

Posted on by Standard 11

So, if you’ve been following the Yum! Brands saga, you know that I’ve been messing with them for a while on both legitimate and goofy levels, and that I had this idea a while ago.  I finally acted upon it.  I had to set up an alias to do it, as I’m sure most of my contacts just cringe when email from me hits their inbox.  Mel Brooks either doesn’t have an email address, or it’s a closely guarded one… as it’s very difficult to find anything for him.  I may have to print this out & snail mail it.  I’m sure it has the potential to get a funny reply.

I see, your Shwatrz is as big as mine…

from: Arik Cearbhall <arikcearbhall@gmail.com>
to: [All kinds of people]
subject: Spaceballs 3D – featuring more Yum! Brands characters?
mailed-by: gmail.com

Hello my friends,

At last we meet again for the first time for the last time.

I write to you today with a revelation regarding Spaceballs. It is my belief that something needs to be done before George Lucas releases Star Wars in 3D, Spaceballs needs to have a re-vamped special edition (like the Star Wars ones released in 1997), possibly even jumping in to 3D before Star Wars.

The reason that I’m writing to both “Yum! Brands” and MGM employees is because I can’t find a good email address for Mel Brooks. Does Mel have an email address?

MGM still owns the rights to the movie, correct? Also, I address “Yum!” because, as you well know, two characters that are parodies of “Yum! Brands” brands appear quite prominently in the Spaceballs saga. If you don’t know, here’s some help from Wikipedia:

  • Pizza the Hutt, named after the pizza restaurant chain, is a half-man, half-Pizza Mafioso and a parody of Jabba the Hutt. He forces Lone Starr to pay one million credits to him. By the end of the film, however, a “news segment” watched by Lone Starr and Barf reveals that Pizza got locked in his limo and ate himself to death, thus meaning Lone Starr and Barf won’t have to pay anymore. The voice of Pizza the Hutt is performed by Dom DeLuise.
  • Colonel Sandurz[8] is a parody of the leading Imperial Officers from Star Wars, such as Veers and Piett or Grand Moff Tarkin. ‘Colonel’ is his rank; however, ‘Kernel’ is his real name. His name is a pun on KFC‘s founder Colonel Sanders. (At one point, Dark Helmet taunts him into action, saying, “What’s the matter, Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?“)

I believe that the Schwartz has aligned because at the time of the filming of Spaceballs, these were parodies of two wholly separate fast food companies. (Or were PepsiCo or TriCon in control at that point?) Now, they are just two of many systems in the “Yum!” galaxy, if you will.

The opportunity exists to film news scenes and digitally insert new characters… and in the spirit of the original; “Moichandizing! Moichandizing! Moichandizing!” I still never did get Spaceballs, the flamethrower. We are at a point in time with advertising and merchandising where a once preposterously offensive idea would now be considered almost normal.

This could be a huge cross-promotional tie-in empire, and may even save MGM from its current financial woes. I propose a set of new characters, new scenes, and new toys/products…

New Characters:

  • AN-UU (pronounced “Ay – en – double – you”), the fearless side-kick to Dot Matrix. After all, this is the most obvious glaring omission from the original Spaceballs movie. Yeah, you can combine Luke & Han, but you can’t drop R2-D2! He is the undeniable (albeit mechanical) heart of the Star Wars franchise. Imagine, he could be like a little root-beer bottle or vending machine shaped droid.
  • Tako Juan Bellobi, Lone Star’s other mentor, who gives him the Schwartz ring saying it was his father’s, then sends him to Yogurt to learn how to use it. Living in a desert, the Mexican tie-in, a colorful Mexican-styled blanket instead of the Jedi robe… a “Stinking Badges” Blazing Saddles reference, a cojones joke or two, this could be a comedic gold mine.
  • Long Jon Argbar, arguably one of the most recognizable internet memes of all time would be Admiral Ackbar’s “It’s a Trap!”. This simply cannot be ignored. Long John Silver and Admiral Ackbar would be a perfect mix given their similar aquatic nature. I see the character almost like Davy Jones from Pirates of the Carribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. Also, if we want to get super nerdy, I have derived the name Argbar from (obviously) Ackbar and the Latin for silver, argentum. Tie in fictional pirates’ proclivity to exclaim “Argh” or “Arg” or “Arrrr”, and we have a win-win-win situation.
  • The Wing Fleet – Not a character per-say… but a play on Tie-fighters and X-Wings, a rebel alliance and empire (“Yum!”-pire?) ought to be created… legions of the Spaceballs’ fighters could be shaped like chicken wings and fly out of a large bucket on top of the ship.

(Please see my character design concepts in the attached *.jpg)

New Scenes/Bits/Gags:

  • To parody the interrogation scene from Star Wars: A New Hope and to tie into KFC’s new healthier image… Colonel Sandurz could “grill” Princess Vespa much like the “comb the desert” scene. Can you see the giant grill now? The lines on her back? Perhaps a smells/tastes like chicken joke?
  • In the “It’s a Trap” spirit… Long Jon Argbar’s shtick could be to exclaim “It’s a ___!” over & over again, perhaps stopping all the action and looking at the camera after a particularly bad one… and shrugging his shoulders before moving on with it. The blank could be many different things; Tap (in reference to AN-UU’s root beer tap perhaps?), Carp (an aquatic fish reference), frap (Mr. Coffee/Mr. Radar joke), or many, many more things… like Tarp, Part, Wrap, Crap, etc.

New Products & Tie Ins:

  • Yogurt – Perhaps most obviously, yogurt ought to be offered as a dessert item on all “Yum! Brands” restaurants’ menus… perhaps in collectible cups? Everyone’s into this health-food malarkey these days. Perhaps even frozen yogurt, as to not be so disgusting?
  • Toys – Obviously the toys associated with kids meals would be big hits with kids & collectors alike. The toys from all the chains could represent their parodied character and a few of his friends… needing to visit all of the chains to complete your collection… possibly even getting a part of the Spaceballs ship (Mega-Maid) at each chain that are all put together Voltron-style, much like the Transformers reference in the Spaceballs movie?
  • If you guys want to get crazy, we could reach out to Starbucks and infuse them into the Mr. Coffee scene, and replace all references to “spacebucks” as “starbucks”. Perhaps “Yum!” could acquire them before the release of the film?

As you can see, this is a no-brainer, and once you have had the time to review my email, and perhaps forward it to Mel Brooks and/or Brooksfilms Ltd., you will most assuredly be prepared to move along at ludicrous speed. There is no way to not make money with this.  Star Wars fans will rabidly go after anything remotely associated to the movie, and most are geeks who love Mr. Brooks’ style of humor.

If new scenes need to be filmed, I’m sure Rick Moranis, Bill Pullman, George Wyner, Daphne Zungia, and the others would appreciate the work. Perhaps Barf could be wholly replaced by new hot funnyman Zach Galifianakis, as John Candy would be currently unavailable due to his deceased nature. You wouldn’t even need to add much fake fur to the costume. Have you seen the guy?

As far as my involvement, I expect nothing other than to be credited with the inception/inspiration of the project. I would just like to see it happen; perhaps a producer credit? From what I understand, those are mostly meaningless anyway.

I’d like to thank you for your time, and I’m sure you’re as excited about this as I am. These are the droids you’re looking for.

May the Schwartz be with you!
Arik

And, this was the attached photo…

Spaceballs 3D Special Edition Character Designs by Arik Cearbhall

I know, I have mad photo-editing skills.  You don’t have to tell me.

As an afterthought, I felt that all of the other fast food chains out there shouldn’t be denied, so… I re-sent the message with this as a forward:

Hello friends,

I write to you to present an opportunity that may titillate your funny bone.  I have recently written to Mel Brooks, MGM, and your competitor, “Yum! Brands” in the interest of putting together a “Special Edition” version of Spaceballs (perhaps in 3D) featuring new Fast Food related characters.  I have not yet received a reply, but after it was sent, I felt that I had been leaving out many other fine establishments.  Would you have any interest in participating in such a project?  I can certainly come up with new character designs as a parody of your brands.  I consider myself an expert on both Star Wars and fast food.

Please find my entire original message below, and see what you think as it pertains to you!

Hail Skroob!
Arik

Heh. This message actually got me the first few replies…

From a local Chick-fil-A:

from: Chick-fil-A South Hills  <cfasouthhills@gmail.com>
to: Arik Cearbhall <arikcearbhall@gmail.com>
subject: Re: Spaceballs 3D – featuring more Yum! Brands characters?
mailed-by: gmail.com

Hello Arik.  My name is Rebecca Thornsberry and I am the Marketing Director for the Chick-fil-A at South Hills.  Each store is individually owned and operated, so this sounds like something that you would have to get permission from our Corporate Office in Atlanta to do.  If you feel like you’d like to pursue this, you could start with the 1-800-CFA-CORP.  Thanks for offering this to us, but I am sorry that I cannot help you with this.

Thanks,
Rebecca Thornsberry
Marketing Director

Chick-fil-A at South Hills
1620 Washington Road
Pittsburgh, PA 15241
Store- 412-833-1165
Cell- 412-443-5534
http://www.chick-fil-a.com/southhills

From an irritable Quiznos employee:

from: Creative Requests <creativerequests@quiznos.com>
to: Arik Cearbhall <arikcearbhall@gmail.com>
subject: RE: Spaceballs 3D – featuring more Yum! Brands characters?
mailed-by: quiznos.com

I’m only writing you back to say that it is very inappropriate to include all recipients in the “TO” field and not the “BCC”.  Not only is this SPAM mail – unwelcome and unsolicited – it allows anyone on this email to know the emails of all recipients.

Please DO NOT email this address again.

The first reply from anyone actually associated with the project:

from: roger paul <rogerpaulmgmt@aol.com>
to: arikcearbhall@gmail.com
subject: Re: Spaceballs 3D – featuring more Yum! Brands characters?
mailed-by: aol.com

My client Michael Winslow would be up for the challenge

Roger Paul
1650 Broadway
Suite 1105
NY NY 10019
212-262-0008 Phone
212-333-5180 Fax
347-993-0939 Cell

Yeah, that’s actually Michael Winslow‘s management.  He’s “that Police Academy guy” relevant here as the radar operator in Spaceballs.  Dude is awesome.

Then we have…  Silence from everyone else, so far.  I can’t wait to get some more replies.  I just may have to send out some snail mail on this one to the actors & studios.  It is still early, hopefully more responses will pour in!

Blowin’ in the wind.

Posted on by Standard 3

If you live in the ‘Burgh, you know we got some serious storm winds & some damage on Friday afternoon.  The storm hit one of my favorite places to take photos, Dormont Park.  So, of course I got some pictures of some trees knocked over and a utility pole down.

To see the whole album, check it out in slideshow or grid form.  We were without power for about a day and a half… and no damage was done to our place, so it could have been a lot worse.  I just thought the twisted broken trees made for some good photo subjects.

I reported the downed utility pole to Duquesne Light on Saturday right after I saw it… went back to look around today, it was still down… no caution tape or anything up, so I called the Dormont police.  Hopefully they send someone in to clean up, there’s usually a decent amount of people in the park, hope no one would come across the stuff & get hurt.

Also, in the same set of photos… nothing really to do with the storm, we hit up Chick-fil-A for breakfast & the use of a power outlet to charge our phones on Saturday morning as our power was out, I happened to have my camera in the car… I saw some kind of hawk or falcon on a light pole near the Chick-fil-A in South Hills.  At first I thought it was an owl, upon a second glance I really wasn’t sure at all.

Anyone know what it is?

Some kind of bird of prey outside Chick-fil-A in the South Hills...

3 shots of the Chick-fil-A Bird...

Clemente Bridge @ Night

Posted on by Standard 6

Clemente BridgeI recently submitted a photo to the Only In Pittsburgh blog, and they posted it today (Thanks Brett!).  So, this is nothing more than shameless self-promotion.  The photo featured is my current desktop @ work, and was part of a set that I took last year at PNC Park.

I find the bridge more visually interesting than anything actually in the park. I need to go back down & get some more views of the city this summer.  I have no idea how I managed to get a night photo that wasn’t blurry without the use of a tripod.

Only In Pittsburgh is a cool blog to check out if you like photography & if you like the ‘Burgh.  I follow them on Twitter to get my daily dose of Yinzer pride.

Fart Math

Posted on by Standard 2

This past Christmas, my wife got me a very funny gift, the What’s Your Poo Telling You? 2010 Desk Calendar.  It’s related of course to a book that I’ve mentioned before and that you can see if you ever have to use the facilities at our house… What’s Your Poo Telling You?.  People comment about it all the time, whether amused or horrified.

Today’s page struck me as extra funny because I’ve been talking about math & equations via comments on Facebook lately, it’s tax day, a volcano just erupted, and the volume (& frequency) of my flatulence is one of my wife’s favorite subjects.

I thought I’d share my amusement with you.

The Fart's Loudness Explained

Thursday April 15th, 2010 - The Fart's Loudness Explained

Functionless art is simply tolerated vandalism. We are the vandals.

Posted on by Standard 4

Peter Steele Well, if reports are true this time, Peter Steele is Dead. Type O Negative keyboard player Josh Silver has confirmed and  Blabbermouth.net are all over it.

Joel Gausten has a pretty good story to share, among many others.

I got into Type O negative around the time of Bloody Kisses, and really enjoy all of their stuff.

My favorite things about Type O Negative is the humor.  Yeah, they were dark, slow, scary, goth, depressing… but they knew how to laugh at that.

The After Dark video is probably one of the funniest music related movies that I’ve ever seen.  I wish more bands were able to poke fun at themselves, the image, and the scene seamlessly and with such success.

In fact, I’m going to have to look for that on DVD or something, as I have no idea where my VHS is right now.

Hopefully Dimebag Darrell & Peter Steele are throwing trays of food from the green room at each other right now wherever they are.  Or maybe they’re throwing them at Jimi Hendrix, Joey Ramone, & Elvis.

This is why Chick-fil-A is awesome.

Posted on by Standard 3

These are individual promotions for the South Hills location, but I’m sure many others are doing things like this.

Got this in my inbox recently…

On Thursday, April 15th, you WILL NOT want to miss our Receipt Day 2010! In celebration of taxes being completed, we are hosting Receipt Day again this year! Come to any Pittsburgh Chick-fil-A on Thursday. Eat with us, save your receipt, come back any day in May and the SAME order is FREE! Your receipt will be printed on colored paper!

Lastly, on Friday, April 16th, join us again for Breakfast for Dinner. From 5:00 pm – 8:00 pm you can buy our normal breakfast OR dinner menu during our dinner time. We would love to see you in your pajamas!

We hope to see you sometime this week or maybe even every day! Thank you for being loyal fans and customers! This week is for YOU!

How awesome is that?  A free meal sometime in May?  Their little tiny nugget-filled breakfast sandwiches for dinner?  Genius.  It’s rare to see a grumpy Chick-fil-A employee too, at least in my experience.  I don’t know if they pay well, beat them into submission, brainwash, or what… but it works.

They’re always having ridiculous events.  I wonder if I can get a job as a Chick-fil-A cow?

EAt MoR CHiKiN

EAt MoR CHiKiN

Confused about Pizza Hut & Taco Bell?

Posted on by Standard 4

The last post was going to have some explanation, but my dumb ass hit the “Publish” button instead of the “Save Draft” button.  Perhaps because the Publish button is blue and shiny, or perhaps because I have a problem actually reading the screen.

Some of you may have seen my blogs posts, and think I’m a little “off”.  Well, you’re right.  But, I do post these things with an odd sense of humor.  Sometimes I write serious complaint letters, sometimes I write ridiculous letters just to be ridiculous.  More often than not, the lines get blurred.  My guess is that you either get it, or you don’t.  If I have to remind you that I really don’t expect every restaurant out there to cater to my special dietary needs, it ceases being funny.  (If it ever was in the first place.)

If you’re not quite sure, or new to my insanity, I’m going to try to recap the latest ongoing saga involving Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.  I hope to intertwine this with some other chaos soon.

So, that brings us to our “what’s happening now is happening now” moment.

Five. Five dollar. Five dollar… foot up your ass.

Pizza Hut Customer Satisfaction.

Posted on by Standard 4

…Or not.

This recently dropped into my inbox:

from    Williams, Corey <Corey.Williams@yum.com>
to    <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
date    Tue, Apr 13, 2010 at 11:40 AM
mailed-by    yum.com

Good morning Mr. Aixelsyd-
I was hoping to have heard from you regarding a telephone number by which I can contact you to discuss your concerns. I see that you have sent your questions to other individuals within our organization as well. I assure you that I am the appropriate person to respond to your concerns and hope to have the opportunity to speak with you soon regarding this topic.
The Allergies & Sensitivities Guide, available through the Pizza Hut web site, indicates products where an ingredient or product contains one of the 8 major allergens.  We maintain strict sanitation guidelines with our suppliers to ensure that this equipment goes through the appropriate cleaning prior to being used to prepare our ingredients.  Nevertheless, out of an abundance of caution, Pizza Hut takes the additional step to inform our customers about ingredients or products that are produced at a manufacturing facility on equipment that may also be used to produce other products or ingredients (for other restaurants and food companies) that contain the allergen.
I hope this sufficiently answers your questions. If you have additional questions concerning this topic please contact me, via telephone, to discuss.
Sincerely,
Corey Williams
Customer Satisfaction
Pizza Hut
972.338.7917
Corey.Williams@yum.com

Well, it seems like I’ve ruffled a feather or two.  Not sure how much more clear I can be regarding not wanting to speak via telephone.  I’m not a phone person, I never have been… and most important of all, I wouldn’t be able to share my correspondence here.

I’m sure this is spurred by my new friend, Rob Poetsch, at Taco Bell.  What does this have to do with Taco Bell?  Yum! Brands.

Sorry Baz…

Posted on by Standard Reply

Heh.  So I tweeted (to? at?) Sebastian Bach about his absence from the Slash album.  I had wondered about it in my review because I could swear that I’d read something indicating that Baz was going to have a guest spot.

All I said was this:

@sebastianbach I thought you were going to be on the @Slash album…? What happened?

The reply seemed a little angry:

@AiXeLsyD13 never said that ever

Seeing that my initial question could be read with a snotty inflection, I tried to quickly follow up with this:

@sebastianbach It was implied though, wasn’t it? Ha ha… or is something else in the works?

…and this:

@sebastianbach At any rate, I’d love to see a Slash/Baz effort somewhere someday.

Heh.  I didn’t want to come off as insulting, just really wanted to know what happened.  It was one of the things going into the album that I had been looking forward to.

I did some Googling, and I found this though…

From NME:

Sebastian Bach has revealed that Velvet Revolver guitarist Slash has contacted him about working on a ‘top secret project’ together.

The ex-Skid Row frontman denied rumours he’ll be taking Scott Weiland‘s place as the singer of Velvet Revolver, saying it would be “awkward” given his friendship with Slash‘s former Guns N’ Roses bandmate Axl Rose, who is no longer on good terms with the guitarist.

Bach told Billboard he’s been sworn to secrecy about the new project, but said it was “mind-blowing”.

From Billboard:

But he did confirm that VR guitarist Slash did contact him “out of the blue … to talk to me about working together, but it was not Velvet Revolver. It was a completely different project, and I can’t tell you what it is ’cause it’s mind-blowing, but I’ve been sworn to secrecy on that. But nothing’s happening right now with me and him.”

From A.V. Club:

In a typically breathless announcement, former Skid Row singer Sebastian Bach says guitarist Slash has contacted him “out of the blue” about a “top-secret job”–though despite rumors and all logic to the contrary, it was not to invite him to replace Scott Weiland as the frontman for Velvet Revolver. Such a move would be “awkward,” Bach says, considering his friendship with Slash’s estranged former partner Axl Rose. (Though, uh, apparently there’s a loophole that still allows him to be a part of whatever this mystery project is.) Practically begging you to care, Bach was not particularly forthcoming with details, saying only that he was “sworn to secrecy,” but did insist that, whatever it is, it’s “mind-blowing.”

And, even Slash’s Wikipedia page…

Slash was quoted saying that the work alone in the studio on the solo album was “cathartic”, and that he really enjoyed working alone in the studio. He also said he plans to bring a different singer for each song on the album, and that he has a list of guests to appear on the album, and most of them are already committed, though he refused to tell who are those guests. Rumored singers for the project include Lenny Kravitz, Sebastian Bach, Alice Cooper, Vince Neil, and past Guns N’ Roses bandmates Izzy Stradlin and Duff McKagan.[22] According to Slash’s wife during an interview with Rockerrazzi.com, both Ozzy Osbourne and Fergie will make appearances on Slash’s upcoming solo album, saying, “It’s going to be Slash and friends, with everyone from Ozzy [Osbourne] to Fergie.”[23] Other musicians set to appear on the release include Josh Freese, Chris Chaney, Travis Barker, M. Shadows and Jason Bonham.[24]

I guess a lot of those names from the “rumored” list didn’t make the cut, or were just that — rumors from the start.  At least now I have validation that I didn’t dream the idea.  I mean, news came out that they would work together outside of a Velvet Revolver context, and soon after Slash started talking more heavily about his solo album…  What other conclusions are we to draw?

There is the possibility that it fell through due to scheduling, not having a great song lined up, or some ominous Axl-related conspiracy.

Maybe he was slated to tour with Slash’s in support of the disc instead of Myles Kennedy?

Or, there is the possibility that the rumored project is much more “mind blowing” than just a solo album and yet to happen. Perhaps it’s a concert?  Video?  Movie?  Super-group?  Book?  Collaboration?  Reality show?  Documentary?  Bach being instrumental in reuniting Axl, Slash, & the rest of GN’R?

Who knows?

At any rate, I didn’t mean to insult you, Mr. Bach.  I just wanted to know what was up.  I enjoy following you on Twitter, and I really dug Angel Down.  I also think that it’s awesome that you take the time to interact with & reply to fans, obviously being a rock n’ roll fanboy at heart yourself.

Taco Bell has purchased my gratitude!

Posted on by Standard 10

I got a letter in the mail today from Taco Bell.  You may be familiar with my emails to them concerning the death-filled tacos that they were recently peddling.  This is perhaps the best reply I’ve ever received to any of my either serious or goofy letters to any company.

I’ll dispense with the usual long-winded introduction and get right to it…

Letter form Taco Bell about Shrimp Tacos and Taco Bell Bucks!

You can see that along with the letter, I received five $5 Taco Bell Bucks certificates. That’s $25 in death-free Taco Bell food. That’s got to be the coolest thing I’ve ever received besides my T-shirt from Turner’s.  I’m not sure if they’re buying me off, rewarding me, if they make so much profit per item that it really doesn’t matter if they give this much away for free, or what.  This almost makes me want to write back to Pillsbury/Totino’s and make them feel ashamed for sending me three 35¢ coupons.  In fact, I may add that to the list.

The best, and I mean absolute best thing about this letter is that they’re forwarding my request to Pizza Hut.  Wow.  I trust you’ve seen my unanswered letters?  I can’t even express how hilarious and ridiculous and absolutely gratifying that is.