Let me set the stage… On my last ER trip, I was wearing “lounge” pants with a stretchy waist and drawstrings. After the mandatory 4 or 5 hour wait, I was called to go back. I was drawing mazes to pass the time, so pen & notebook in one hand, and phone in the other… I involuntary dropped trou as I marched toward the beckoning healthcare professional at the double-doors.
Luckily for me, any semblance of shame I had was gone years ago, and I have voluntarily de-pantsed myself in areas ranging from stages to bowling alleys for my own bemusement.
Luckily for my peers awaiting medical treatment, I was not going commando.
This leads to walking around in public today, hands full, and pants trying to shimmy down my waist. Thankfully, I was able to wiggle my decidedly unshapely hips like Shakira to keep everything in place.
Tightening my belt really isn’t helpful to my situation with the inflammation, and I don’t want to hinder the process of everything moving through my digestive system like some hyper-loop Maglev. I have dropped 25-ish lbs., so my clothes are as loose as my bowel movements.
Should I rock the Robin Williams suspenders look? The Amish look? The old man potbelly look? The Blippi w/ a bowtie? I like the mod/skinhead look, but few people know their roots go back to the mods who liked soul and reggae and can only think of the mostly bad connotations with that word & style. Go full hipster/craft brew enthusiast?
Can I pull off tucking in a T-shirt? Do I need to start wearing button downs and polos?
It started with some warning post cards & emails. Dollar Shave Club was phasing out the three bladed razors in favor of the 4… and switching my plan without asking. Well, mine, and all the other subscribers out there. Why?
Assuming a lot of their membership is male. Stereotypically, men are resistant to change. Why fix what’s not broken?
In the grand scheme of life, this is most certainly just a small annoyance… but an annoyance nonetheless. My typical email writing shenanigans has not provided any “real” answers other than some 🐂💩 about having done research that indicates people like the new blades.
The 4-blade razors feel like tiny demons ripping the hair out of your face one-by-one. I don’t know how a razor company messes up razors, but here we are. I can’t be the only one.
I feel like they had to stop making them for some reason. Costs? Manufacturing facility change? Why change a good thing? I thought they called them The Executive but now they’re calling them “Heritage.”
I sent them this maze via email, Twitter,Facebook, & Instagram, and that have not acknowledged it at all. 🤣
It’s not easy keeping up with these perpetually-out-of-style sideburns & my regal salt & pepper goatee.
The responses have been pretty banal. This was my original email:
Hello Friends,
I think you messed up… but it’s OK. I’m here for you in your time of need. I can help clear your mind so you can make better decisions.
I cannot find any fathomable reason that you needed to switch from the heritage series razors to the club series. The old 3-bladed razors were awesome. These new 4-blade razors are, to put it bluntly (pun intended), absolute shit. After one use with the new 4-bladed razors, it feels like someone is ripping the hairs out of my face.
Honestly, I never paid much attention to what the old ones were called. Was it The Executive? I don’t know. I don’t care. It shaved my face, well, and I did not like any of the other options.
Did you test it on people with alopecia or animals that could not provide feedback? Were you not alive during the New Coke debacle? People don’t like change. Men stereotypically do not like change. I get anxiety when my wife rearranges the furniture.
You can imagine my displeasure with being forced to use a new razor, and my irritation (pun, again, woefully intended) at the use of it. I have seen many other unsatisfied people on Twitter. They all can’t be wrong.
My gift to you is this maze. You can use it as you contemplate the best way to bring back the old blade. Labyrinths have traditionally helped people meditate. Surely it can help you come to a good decision and a concise quick plan to get out of this shenanigans.
I may be forced to try Harry’s, but I like your Shave Butter and I don’t think they have anything comparable. How can I control my goofy lambchop-exsque sideburns and more-salt-than-pepper van dyke/goatee thing without a razor I can trust? It is hard to maintain my perpetually out of style facial hair. (Do you see an anti-change theme here?)
Thank you for your time. I look forward to your thoughts on the whole thing… or at least an explanation of the thinking behind the change.
My face feels like Anakin when Obi Wan got the high ground.
Pleading for sanity,
-Eric.seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI
This was their blah reply…
Hey Eric,
Thanks for bringing this to our attention. Apologies for the late response. This certainly isn’t the experience we would have hoped for and the quality of our products is a top priority for us, so we appreciate you bringing this to our attention. We apologize for the trouble. I’ll be sure to forward your feedback to the right department for a review. Your experience is extremely valuable to us. We also understand that change can be difficult but we decided to make and sell our own Club Series razor.
Of course, if you’d prefer to cancel your account immediately, we understand as well. Just let us know what you decide and we can get that taken care of right away.
Thanks,
Jane
Then, this…
Thanks Jane,
Did you or any of your team at least try the maze while you thought it over?
This is an insane level of shenanigans. I thought it would help you reach the right decision to keep making the old style blades until the sun explodes & swallows the earth… or at least until I die.
I would cancel, but your shave butter is super awesome. I am stuck between a proverbial rock and a hard place, but the rock is traditional shaving cream or gel, and the hard place is your 4-blade razors that feel like they are tugging the follicles out of my face.
Dejected,
Bushy in Bridgeville
This was it. Again. Is “Jane” AI?
Hey Eric,
Thanks for getting back to us. We are currently working on this issue. Can you please confirm if you want me to cancel your account immediately? As checked, you have an item with your recurring box that will be billed this coming April 21st.
Looking forward to your response so we can have this taken care of.
Thanks,
Jane
I guess this is where it ends, my friends.
Hello Jane,
I guess I would like you to cancel my subscription. I feel like you’re “sus” (as my kids would say) AI, and you’re not giving real reasons why the blades were changed, or even acknowledging my hilarious maze.
I think I may go with Amazon. Harry’s doesn’t appear to have that shave butter goodness… and Amazon has a plethora of options. I get TV, music, and everything else from Amazon anyway. I, for one, welcome our capitalist digital overlords. Maybe they have a sense of humor? I can draw them a maze and see if they appreciate it.
It’s never too late to re-think your bad decisions. Please share the maze with your friends & co-workers.
-Eric.
seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI
I would move to Harry’s, but they seem to not have anything comparable to DSC’s Shave Butter. I am a convert. No more cream or gel for me. I need to try this dastardly 6-bladed razor. Perhaps an Amazon subscription service will do me well?
They didn’t respond via Facebook messenger, a DM on Twitter seemed very AI, and Instagram’s DM was not entertaining in the least.
I’m not the only one who thought so either. Twitter is LIT UP about it.
Still can't figure out why @DollarShaveClub wpuld discontinue a blade that I (& most likely countless others) have been using & enjoying for many years.
The new default replacement is terrible, required several passes, & still didn't get a close shave.
@DollarShaveClub so got my package about a week ago and it wasn't correct u gave me this shit ravors and and wasn't what my normal order is. These blades and this razor is trash compared to the elite. Can't seem to contact through ur site. pic.twitter.com/BSKzbTBXng
@DollarShaveClub I’ve received nothing as a request from you. Please we are going to break up taylor swift style (I’m going to write a song) if you don’t send me a ton of your old razors. The 37 other people I have hooked you up with over the years, also super unhappy. #dobetter
After over 10 years of Member feedback about what makes a great shave, we decided to make and sell our Club Series razor everywhere and anywhere Dollar Shave Club razors are sold. So no matter where you shop, you will find this razor in stores and online.
So, @DollarShaveClub… did anyone try these new blades? I had to make 3 passes. My last ones were perfect. Why the change? Do I need to switch to @harrys or go back to buying in store? This is 🐎💩.
That's unfortunate, after 3 weeks of issues with the Club series I've had to cancel my subscription. If it was a cost decision I would have gladly paid more for the quality and experience of the Heritage Series instead of losing the line entirely.
That's unfortunate, after 3 weeks of issues with the Club series I've had to cancel my subscription. If it was a cost decision I would have gladly paid more for the quality and experience of the Heritage Series instead of losing the line entirely.
@DollarShaveClub your new razors are worse than the ones I shaved my legs with in 1989 they were .25 and my moms the old razors you had were amazing I’m seriously bleeding from the new ones. #trash#cancelingmembership
I got my 6 month @DollarShaveClub order of creams, gels & blades. They changed the blades to some thin POS. Absolutely disappointing. After 4 years I’m going to find a new brand. I shave my head & face daily and this new blade takes 2x longer now… ThX @Unilever for acquiring DSC
@DollarShaveClub Ugh. My Heritage series handle broke and I still have some blades left. I ordered what I thought were the right handles and see now that you've made changes. How can I get a Heritage series handle? #frustrating
— UniverseOfSciFi 🌊💙 I Dissent (@UOFSciFi) March 27, 2023
@DollarShaveClub I scrolled through Twitter to see what everyone else has said..I'm adding to the mix in hopes you'll go back to the older razors. The new razors suck. When you bring back a membership for the older razors, I'll return as a customer, until then, see ya.
@DollarShaveClub why did I start getting new blades and handle that I did not order? I thought it was a trial but then I got more. I tried the new product and the handle broke after 2 weeks. Refund my money for this junk you automatically sent me and continue my other razors
@DollarShaveClub the new blades are HORRIBLE and when I attempt to log in and cancel, you’ve purposefully made it impossible to do to. Terrible terrible customer service.
OK bearded & mustachioed folks, I need a razor rec. The new razors from @DollarShaveClub are not as precise as the previous model, and the new trimming blade is subpar.
Not sure why but @DollarShaveClub cancelled the best razor ever and are now shipping cheap junk in 4 and 6 blade versions that don’t cut evenly and fall apart- plus they feel too lightweight and plasticky. pic.twitter.com/VgrCzv8zZ5
I tried to pick the most odd & attention grabbing of my herd. Do you think I missed the boat by not including some of my other notable oddballs? He didn’t even mention the amps or pedals. Ha ha.
Shout-out to my peeps at Actual Ugly Guitars! It’s a Facebook group focused on looking for guitars ranging from the weirdest of the weird to just pure abominations with strings and sometimes even frets. If you’re gonna join, answer the questions or you won’t get in.
Here’s a rundown of what’s pictured if you’re interested:
Click the links on the guitar names to go to my Instagram posts where I posted all my axes at the beginning of the Covid shutdowns. You can check out most of them (& more) at Posting #AllMyAxes. 🎸 (Part 1) & Posting #AllMyAxes. 🎸 (Part 2) too. I posted all of them individually and some fun group shots & extras under the #AllMyAxes hashtag on Instagram.
If not rocking the Spark for practice or jamming along to YouTube or the built-in drummers, I like to rock a guitar through the tuner then into the A/B/Y into both the Blues Jr. and the Micro Terror through the Laney. Sometimes I put the wah up front, or sometimes on just one amp. I had a Dunlop CryBaby for years, then once I heard the “tone-suck” even when it was off, I couldn’t un-hear it. Same with the Dirt & Ernie… sometimes I just use it as a boost. It will come in handy if I ever get back to live stuff. My “sound” is pretty much gain on 10 master volume on 2 through both amps because I love the sound of the overdriven amps, so I don’t really need to add much dirt. If I set up the Trio, I run the “band” out to the PA so drums & bass come out of that nice & clean instead of one of (or both of) my amps. I am terrible with the POCK LOOP looper. The Lil’ Smokey is also a ton of fun, and I have used to to drive a 4×12. I think I need simpler one or more patience. Maybe both.
So, that’s my setup. Yes, I do play these guitars. Yes, they’re all playable. (I have a go-to guitar guy that is like a guitar-whisperer.) Yes, I have gigged & even recorded with some of them and would gig with all of them.
Which ones do you dig or hate the most? Got any oddballs you want to share? Hit me up with some comments!
World (and Lunar) Domination 