Tag Archives: BlabberMouth

Axl ‘Leaks’ Possible New GN’R Tunes

Posted on by Standard 1

Recent reports have surfaced that Guns N’ Roses’ sole founding member and self-proclaimed demigod Axl Rose may have literally leaked tunes to the upcoming GN’R “reunion” album. TMZ has posted but since redacted an audio clip of Axl Rose passing gas taken via iPhone by a fan in an adjacent restroom stall at a roadside rest stop in Tennessee. Lucky listeners may note that the flatulence has a powerful sound that when transcribed as musical notes or tablature would make an incredible guitar riff hearkening back to the Appetite era, and sounds light years heavier anything on Chinese Democracy.

Axl squeezing one out on stage.

Axl squeezing one out on stage.

The fan asked Rose to autograph a sanitary toilet seat cover, but Rose declined stating that his new boss, Angus, wouldn’t allow it. Further investigation showed that someone had ripped the dispenser off the wall and urinated all over it anyway.

When Ultimate-Guitar.com reached out to Dave Mustaine for comment, Dave enlightened the all of rock and metal fandom…

“Axl and I had the same voice coach right around the time that I was kicked out of Metallica for writing better riffs than Jaymz and being a bigger douche than Lars. I’m great friends with Slash since we used to do heroin together, but I have to say that Axl’s farts make better riffs than the too-low-in-the-mix guitars the last Velvet Revolver album, whatever it was called.”

Dave went on to tell everyone that he wrote all of the essential building blocks for Metallica’s albums up until the black one, and that he could play all of the Metallica Metallica riffs and solos in his sleep with his balls on a Hello Kitty ukulele.

Izzy Stradlin recently came out of his hole, saw his shadow, and asked Blabbermouth.net to get off of his lawn.

Sebastian Bach tweeted about the news, adding that Axl’s farts not only sound great, but that they smell like fresh roses and have since 1997. He wishes he could maximize his own lower orifice potential and maybe that would finally convince the other guys in Skid Row to take him back.

Slash and Duff McKagan could not be reached for comment. Dizzy Reed and Gilby Clarke tried to comment, but no one would listen. Steven Alder has an upcoming exclusive interview with the every-other-week best-sale-ever flyer from Guitar Center, keep reading with us for updates when we steal that story before doing any fact-checking.

Matt Sorum still wants to punch Axl in the face, but would take the gig with Axl/DC if the current drummer tries to kill anyone.  He has been asking Rush if he can join their band.

Axl has also been rumored to be singing for Queen (to be billed as Rocket Queen), and for Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones, & Jason Bonham in a project billed as Red Zeppelin since Robert Plant won’t return any of their calls.  Rose’s trash collector’s brother denies rumors of Axl fronting a Dio-era Black Sabbath/Heaven & Hell tribute tour which may or may not include Bill Ward.

In related news, a special episode of ABC’s Celebrity Wife Swap will have Joe Perry and Slash trade places for a week to see how the other guy deals with each other’s wives & bands for two weeks on tour.

\m/ Roger Tullgren \m/

Posted on by Standard 1

Roger Tullgren

Roger Tullgren, Metal Lord

So, have you heard about the dude from Sweden who gets a disability check for addiction to heavy metal?

This dude is awesome.

I’m not sure if he really feels that he’s helplessly addicted to metal, or if he’s yanking the Swedish government’s proverbial crank, or what…  but dude is almost as metal as Lemmy for this insanity.

Is it a way to cheat the government?  A publicity ploy for his bands?  Does he really feel that his compulsion to attend shows, dress like a metal-head, and listen to loud music is more than just his preferred lifestyle?

I call shenanigans in that there are plenty of places to work where you can dress like a metal-head & listen to loud music.  If there was such a thing as a record store any more, I’d suggest there…  but what about a guitar store?  Stoner coffee shop?  A concert venue?  A bar?  On a road crew?  The dish-washing thing reminds me of that Poison video…

That being said, if the government is dumb enough to dole out the money… Roger & his employer would be even dumber in not taking it.  The question of their accommodation/compensation being akin to paying an Oxycontin addict for working in a pharmacy still remains, but oh well.  At least we know for sure that Black Sabbath is a powerful & dangerous gateway drug into the heavy metal lifestyle.

\mm/

Too much metal for one hand?

I’d watch a reality show or documentary about this cat.  Even better, I’d like to see it turned into a movie… somewhere between Anvil! The Story of Anvil and Airheads.  Imagine the hilarity that would ensue in 10-years worth of trying to get an addiction to metal recognized as a serious medical condition?  Not to mention, a killer soundtrack!  Are you paying attention Hollywood?  We need this story before we need a Crow or Last Dragon remake.  Sho’ nuff!  If you need a writer, I’m all about it.  I vote for Robert Downey Jr. or Johnny Depp in the lead role.

Also… can I get my money, Uncle Sam?  I’ve been going to concerts for years, buying merchandise, buying merch from small bands on tour, losing money by playing in local bands, ferociously collecting bootlegs, B-sides, & rarities for my favorite bands to satiate that completest appetite.  (Thanks RoadRunner for that US/Japan/UK bonus track crap where I buy the same album 3 times – and thanks Metallica for putting out 30 singles for each song with 17 demo/live b-sides.)  I wear t-shirts with skulls on them, and used to have blue hair.  I not only suffer form heavy metal addiction, but also a general punk rock addiction, spanning everything from horror punk to pop punk to street punk.  There’s also my hard rock addiction, which I seem to be getting over.  The bands with which I seem to have the biggest problem are…

…and all of their related bands; Guns ‘n’ Wankers, Billy No Mates, Hollywood Rose, Slash’s Snakepit, Velvet Revolver, Loaded, Danzig, Graves, Gotham Road, The Undead, …and I deserve some kind of metal for buying a Kryst The Conqueror album, Chinese Democracy, & St. Anger just to have “complete” collections.

Cover of "Airheads"

Cover of Airheads

I’d love to see Roger’s playlist, CD/Record/Cassette Tape/VHS/8-Track/DVD/MiniDisc/BluRay/LaserDisc/Whatever collection… or his ticket-stub book if he’s got one.  Who are his favorites?  I need to know!  I unfortunately am unable to check out that video linked-to from the Blabbermouth article.  I think it may have crashed their site, or it’s a bad link?

So, what do you think?  Is this guy super-awesome or super-lame?  Is he a genius, or a loser?  Is he some combo of all of the above?

Functionless art is simply tolerated vandalism. We are the vandals.

Posted on by Standard 4

Peter Steele Well, if reports are true this time, Peter Steele is Dead. Type O Negative keyboard player Josh Silver has confirmed and  Blabbermouth.net are all over it.

Joel Gausten has a pretty good story to share, among many others.

I got into Type O negative around the time of Bloody Kisses, and really enjoy all of their stuff.

My favorite things about Type O Negative is the humor.  Yeah, they were dark, slow, scary, goth, depressing… but they knew how to laugh at that.

The After Dark video is probably one of the funniest music related movies that I’ve ever seen.  I wish more bands were able to poke fun at themselves, the image, and the scene seamlessly and with such success.

In fact, I’m going to have to look for that on DVD or something, as I have no idea where my VHS is right now.

Hopefully Dimebag Darrell & Peter Steele are throwing trays of food from the green room at each other right now wherever they are.  Or maybe they’re throwing them at Jimi Hendrix, Joey Ramone, & Elvis.