Shakespeare was a dirty bastard.

You read my post about naughty words & the “R-Word”, right?  Well, to help you stop using the r-word (since I know my post convinced you to take the pledge), I’d like to try to put together a list of alternate words.  I’m really gonna need your help in the comments.  Let’s get ridiculous.  I want so many alternatives that are more fun to use that we won’t even remember the word we’re trying to replace.  If you’re easily offended by potty-mouths & naughty-bits, you might want to skip this one… or even better suggest some of your own substitutions.  You can go funny, you can go high-brow, you can go low-brow.  Just give me what you’ve got.

• Anus  (I say this way too much.  It makes you cringe more than any other word for it…  especially if you preface it with “puckered”.)
• Scoundrel  (This one makes you sound badass & elegant.)
• Jagoff (Don’t be a Jagoff.)
• Dumbass
• Fishmonger  (Didn’t you pay attention to Shakespeare?)
• Ass-monkey (Ass-clown, Ass-hat, Ass-face, this could go on forever until you get to Ass-ass then it’s like meeting yourself in the Back to the Future movies.)
• Dingleberry
• Bunghole, Dillhole, Fart-Knocker, or anything else you learned from Beavis and Butt-head.
• Butthead.
• Peckerwood
• [Expletive]-nugget.  (Any of your favorite swear words will work there.  Try a few!)
• Borrow from our friends across the pond:  Tosser, Wanker, Fart in a Jar, Twit, Todger, Tosspot, Arsehole, Toe Rag, Gobshite, etc.
• Lowlife
• Miscreant
• Maggot
• Dastard
• Vagabond
• Wretch
• Good-for-nothing
• Ne’er-do-well
• Bad egg
• Nitwit
• Fool
• Jackass
• Bonehead
• Penis-wrinkle  (Again, using the “actual” word for a body part is sometimes more shocking than anything else.)
• Coinpurse
• Pickle-polisher
• …and a few that I wont list because my mother reads this.

Maybe you should get a Thesaurus.

Then again, maybe you just shouldn’t say mean stuff to people.

Duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh-nah!

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