So, I bought a guitar this past Saturday. I wasn’t looking for a guitar. This guitar was looking for me.
...and SO MUCH MORE.
Some of my extended family had rented out the lodge at our church camp for the weekend. My cousin & I were out killing time and exploring while the ladies stayed in for their main objective; scrapbooking. When in the area with time on my hands, a trip to Hoke·E·Geez is an absolute must. It’s located right on Route 30 in Bedford PA by the Sheetz. (Sheetz is a good bright red & yellow landmark, right?)
In what was once (perhaps obviously for people my age and older) an Ames department store, rests the one of the craziest/coolest places I have ever been. My first trip there was in search of antiques… I collect old Coca~Cola & other glass bottles. I had no idea what I was in for. Hoke·E·Geez is full of …Everything.
"Help! I'm not dead! Some redneck just stapled my nuts to this driftwood!"
It’s got crafts, antiques (from old pop bottles to the machines), furniture, a weird leather biker-jacket section, a hardware section like someone emptied a Harbor Freight in 1978 and dumped it there, of records, new stuff made to look old (think the store in Cracker Barrel), toys, tools, books, records, a section chock full of cassette tapes (mostly hair metal), musical instruments of all varieties, a stuffed squirrel that my cousin photographed with his phone, nunchucks, swords, toilets, knives, flooring, gun parts, cabinetry, pistol crossbows, stuff you’d see in a thrift store or at a garage sale, a Weinermobile pedal car, … and other scattered oddities/treasures.
Yeah, I said musical instruments. Of course, I flock nearly immediately to the old guitars. Hoke-E-Geez also serves as an aged acoustic graveyard. They have several dried out yet beautiful acoustics ravaged by time & strings that pull the neck past the point of no return. They would be great as decorations, or for this…
 Guiar Fail | Acoustic Guitar Recycling |
 There I Fixed It | First Smash, Then Season |
In fact, if I ever find one for the right price, it might make a cool antique bottle shelf… with some glass shelves & a light or 2.
Back to the story at hand though… There we are strolling through the wonderland that is Hoke·E·Geez, like a bee doing its “tell the others where the honey is” dance. We were exclaiming “Woah!”, “Look at that!”, or “What is that?” with each erratic hop to the next section.
I can already play "Iron Man" and "Happy Birthday" (very poorly).
The first beauty I spied was this toy accordion for $12 and change. It seems ridiculous and awesome. Maybe I’ve seen The Bloody Seamen one too many times lately. Looking online, it seems to be a fair price… and not difficult to master. I’m not sure of the name brand. I have no idea if it’s a Hohner, Schylling, Barcelona, First Act, or something else. I have found a bunch online that look similar. This doesn’t match the colors of any others exactly, and of course it has no brand/name/logo in it. Also, it appears that I have been shorted a book. Also, is this really an accordion, or is it just a button box? What’s the difference? Are the butterfly-like designs up top too girly?
The next thing of interest that I saw was this beautiful New York Pro Strat knockoff…
- “Psst… you, yeah you… buy me. Yeah. I know I’m not a goofy guitar, but you need me. Look at my woodgrain. It’s not fancy or elegant, it’s just ‘there’. Buy me. I probably have really crappy electronics and hardware. Buy me. I bet no one has ever heard of ‘New York Pro’ or knows where we’re made. Buy me!
New York Pro - Strat Copy
Well, the photo to the left is the photo that I sent to my wife along with the price, asking (only half kidding) if I should buy it. There was some other black no-name Strat copy behind it. The body on that black POS wasn’t nearly as solid, hefty, or well-cut.
My cousin pointed it out I believe, & remarked on the natural finish. I was stuck drooling over the $95 price tag since the neck was straight, there were no cracks, and it was nice solid body. This was about the time we got into a conversation with a local cat who was into weird guitars and punk rock… and actually in a punk rock band up that way. I can’t remember the name of the band. I need to pop stuff like that into my phone. The guy stopped & asked if I really had an accordion in the box marked “Accordion”. I showed it to him & he’s the one that remarked that it was a button box & not an accordion. After talking forever about weird guitars, rocking out, and goofy venues… we moved on. He mentioned that there were other guitars “over there” pointing to a little music store-like area within the hallowed walls of Hoke·E·Geez.
This is where we happened upon some beast, made by a local cat that goes by Merle Kegg or Merle R. Kegg. One of his custom-built axes had the letters “M R K” on the headstock. The first one I spotted was a doubleneck… one 6 string guitar & one mandolin neck. Yeah. You read that right.
Merle R. Kegg - Guitar/Mandolin Doubleneck
I apologize for the horrible quality cell phone photos, but I’m sure you get the point. I find it an odd placement for the pickups… but then again some people like that neck pickup sound. I generally stick as close to the bridge as possible. The custom cases are pretty cool. Then I came upon this one…
Merle R. Kegg - White Guitar
It caught my eye, and I believe the price was only $64 or $65… but I didn’t even take it out of the case once I got a closer look. If there was a Regretsy-like site for homemade guitars, this may top them all. I mean, I love the shape… and I respect the intent and the labor that went into this beast, but… wow. The placement of the bridge directly up the neck’s ass is crazy. The pickguard looks like flooring or wall tile. I’m hoping this cat is Amish or 97 years old or has 7 fingers total or something. I hate to be so harsh, but when I think a guitar is ugly, we have a problem on our hands. There was no attempt to smooth out the edges or anything… the paint is applied like it’s the side of an outdoor shed… not a guitar. Wow. I’d like to see more of his work, maybe these were the odd ones out. If you know anything more about his work, please post in the comments! There were some other cool guitars (not made by Merle), ukuleles, mandolins & other stuff in that section.
I still hadn’t received a reply from the wife. I got the accordion, my cousin picked up a few things, and off we went.
When we got back to camp, I asked my wife if she had seen the text with the photo. She hadn’t. She checked it out & liked it. She asked that if I got it I could place it on the stand in the living room instead of my Batman Logo guitar. She liked the wood (which I have since come to learn is mahogany). We talked it over and she suggested that I go get it. I told her it would need new guts, but she was still behind the idea. After lunch, my cousin went to a nearby farm to hunt coyotes, and I went back to Hoke·E·Geez to hunt that guitar.
I came back with my prize:
New York Pro - Stratocaster Copy
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Oh what I’m gonna do to this guitar…
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I also managed to stop by the Bedford Banjo Shop. It was small but very cool and reasonably priced in there. They had banjos, guitars, ukuleles, mandolins, & more. They were also very friendly and quite busy. I tried to stop by another store nearby, but they were closed as it was after 2:00pm.
I have plans for this guitar… GFS Lil Killer rail pickups, some wooden knobs, a leopard-print pickguard, black hardware (& bridge & tuners), and I guess a leopard-print strap. As soon as I put away some money, I hope to get all this stuff & have it all set up nice & pretty. My go-to guitar guy has been Aaron at Lawrence Music lately. He helped set up the Batman Logo guitar… and dropped in my Seymour Duncans.
Oh what I'm gonna do to this guitar...
You didn’t think I’d leave it alone did you? It needs something in order to fit in with my other guitars.
I’m still at a loss with any concrete information about the New York Pro brand. I’m not sure if it’s pumped out of a Chinese factory that puts many different brands on the same guitars? They do have an odd cut in the top of the headstock that seems to be on every NY Pro guitar I’ve seen online. I’ve seen them as kit guitars, for $99, for $149.99 and for $279.95. Maybe they’re made by Galaxy Guitars and the same as their Starfire line? It looks like they might call it the “Galaxy New York Pro Star Gazer”. They may be distributed by Lou Capece. I may have to write to them for more information.
If you have any comments/stories about Hoke·E·Geez, any information about the accordion/button box, any info on that other guitar store in Bedford, any information about the New York Pro brand, or any comments/suggestions about my plans for the guitar… I’d love to hear ’em! Please share in the comments below!
World (and Lunar) Domination 