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Is AI music toothpaste out of the tube?

Posted on by Standard Reply

So, I guess I had no idea that AI music was as advanced as it is. I assumed the stuff I saw on social medial was from paid or sophisticated programs. I have been monkeying casually with text prompts at ChatGPT or Meta AI, and image generators at DALL-E 2, Craiyon, & in the PicsArt app for a while. Luma AI even animates photos in the creepiest way possible. I have recently started messing with Google’s Gemini, too.

While the first two AI song generators that popped up when I googled did not require me to download an app or pay any money, I was able to have them bang out a song in less than a minute. The second one even let me insert lyrics, so I used ChatGPT & Gemini to write lyrics. Of course I chose punk rock, and the subject matter was just me poorly describing the blog. This stuff is wild.

The prompt was: “World (and Lunar) Domination” a punk rock song about drawing mazes and writing goofy letters.

For some reason, I can’t seem to embed these ones. 🤷

AI Music Factory automatically spits out 2 songs from the same prompts.

All of the songs are generic pop punk, street punk, and a weird attempt at some uncanny valley-ish horns. They are formulaic pop punk, of which I could certainly be accused of doing when I was actively playing in bands. The weird part is that is not all that dissimilar from my actual creative output. The lyrics have some interesting ideas & hooks too, if I’m being honest. Does that mean I am a terrible and generic songwriter? Perhaps my lack of commercial success in that area speaks to that. 😆

Self-depreciating humor aside, I feel like I have been involved in the creation of some fun, silly, & kick-ass music, and I was never really doing it for financial gain or recognition. It was an itch that I needed to scratch. I needed to make art via punk rock.

The above songs are derivative of a thousand different punk bands, but the one vocalist sounds oddly like Bad Religion. All of it is stealing from something though. Is it scouring the whole internet? Is it using Spotify, YouTube, Pandora, Apple Music, or Amazon Music? Is it creeping on hard drives in home studios or at record companies?

I feel like this is really close to having the ability to be passed off as a real band. It even reminds me of Crotchduster,

Is it theft, or inspiration? I would not have picked up a guitar and tried to write punk rock songs if I had not heard the Ramones & the Misfits doing what they did. Led Zeppelin’s entire catalog is arguably not entirely derivative of everything that passed through Jimmy Page’s earholes. (I mean, George Lucas did the same thing with Star Wars – it was just Flash Gordon, The Seven Samurai, The Hidden Fortress, & Dune.)

It can be argued that the music is soulless. I get that. I need music to move me in some way, in order to feel that connection. There are already lots of human generated songs out there that don’t really hit me that way. It’s terrible when a song evokes no emotion. I feel that way about Nickelback, even though it’s unironically cool to like them now. Ha ha.

In keeping with the theme of this post, I also used a bunch of AI image generators with various prompts about my blog, and got some weird weird wild stuff. None of them seem to accurately display text whatsoever at all… but the compositions, colors, & design choices are interesting. Is is stolen work though?

It was said that Robin Williams was notorious for stealing bits, but I have read/heard that he was always “on,” and just pulling in ideas and churning out jokes at a constant speed… he may not have realized that his thoughts weren’t entirely his own. But then again, were they? Everything we think, say, & do is a response to our own audio & visual input. (And, all the other senses.)

If AI is putting something out, and the way it “senses” is browsing the internet, what’s wrong with that? Is it stealing because it is not alive? Is it just a tool like a paintbrush or a calculator? Is AI song generation different than loops or sampling or guitar pedals that drastically change a tone?

Images generated by various AI image generators, with prompts pretty much just describing my blog.

🤘🐈‍⬛🎸

Because every single one of my thoughts also has an incomprehensibly tangential aside, I just did this as the idea came to me while blogging:

𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖉𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖍 𝖒𝖊𝖙𝖆𝖑 𝖐𝖎𝖙𝖙𝖊𝖓 𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖌 – I had ChatGPT write those lyrics a long time ago to be silly. It deleted the chat from the history as it found the content to perhaps be “inappropriate.” Luckily I grabbed a screenshot. I just used my last freebie at AI Music Factory to make this, and unlike with the other songs, I actually downloaded the mp3’s because I find it wildly amusing. AI plays guitar better than Kerry King.

A gothic metal style painting of an adorable black kitten dining with a fork and a knife, created by Meta AI as an album cover for a song generated by an AI song generator.
“FEED THE KITTEN” album art by Meta AI
Claws like razors, eyes like night My little beast, always ready to fight Hungry and restless, a bundle of fury I open the can, to feed the furry Feeding my kitten, hear her growl Tiny teeth and a vicious scowl Feeding my kitten, blood and meat Ripping and tearing, nothing sweet Pouncing and hissing, she's always keen Greedily slurping, the viscous cream Bones and gristle, she loves the gore My little predator, always wants more Feeding my kitten, hear her growl Tiny teeth and a vicious scowl Feeding my kitten, hear her growl Tiny teeth and a vicious scowl Feeding my kitten, blood and meat Ripping and tearing, nothing sweet Pouncing and hissing, she's always keen Greedily slurping, the viscous cream Bones and gristle, she loves the gore My little predator, always wants more Feeding my kitten, hear her growl Tiny teeth and a vicious scowl Feeding my kitten, blood and meat Ripping and tearing, nothing sweet My little monster, a killing machine Feeding frenzy, a fearsome scene No mercy, no pity, no retreat My kitten's hunger, can never be beat!
“Feed The Kitten” by ChatGPT

So, did I just write a song? No. But… I had the idea for one. It, much like my own artistic output, was a silly idea. (I was always sad that Gasoline Dion never completed songs that we were working on, including but not limited to “667, Across the Street From the Beast” and the ever poetic line “Let me put my meat hook in your beef curtains.”)

I just let my 10yo daughter hear the metal kitten song. She laughed and said it sounds like everything else I listen to (she’s a Taylor Swift fan). When I told her it was AI generated in under a damn minute & that ChatGPT wrote the lyrics, her eyes got wide and was all “That’s not good…”

She immediately understood the implications. Anyone could make a hit album. We could all be Milli Vanilli. Even better, you could probably create a video avatar of an artist or band. I haven’t delved into AI generated video past the tiny Luma AI clips.

Would using AI as a muse, or to flesh out partial lyric ideas be “wrong?” Are we in an era like the early days of sampling where soon someone will figure out how to give artists royalties for music or artwork being fed into AI? I know there are already cases out there. I also know you can’t copyright AI images. Not sure about music, though? I know Mötley Crüe was accused of using AI to write songs.

Will commercials, social media, radio, TV, & movies forgo traditional composers and just make their own jingles, scores, & soundtracks?

It was fun to play with, but do I like it enough that I will pay for it? I doubt it. I can’t think of a practical use for myself other than making a fictional band or something… and who would want AI generated crap content right now? If I paid to put it on streaming services (if you can even copyright it), how would that generate income or even be sustainable? Live shows would be (for now) out of the question. I don’t think it would “feel good” to put that out, like it does to release actual music you created. Maybe kids will dig AI music in the future… or our eventual robot overlords might.

Because I can’t stop, Luma AI animations of AI generated images:

OK, I went back & messed with Udio again. I found where you could pop in the kitten lyrics from Chat GPT. I do not like the output nearly as much, but it’s still pretty wild:

So, what are your thoughts on AI generated stories, art, music, & video? Are we in the wild west? Do you use any of it? If you do use it, what sites/apps, and to what end? Please, hit up the comments!

Oh yeah, those sites automatically generated videos I could download too.

Legoland New York Shenanigans – Go there!

Posted on by Standard Reply

🗽 Family photo in front of the LEGO statue of Liberty. Her tablet should say "Of course you're tired, after this amusement park you'll be Poor."
Family photo in front of the LEGO statue of Liberty.

This year, we let the kids pick the vacations. Luckily a new job afforded me more time, and we took a year off from being camp counselors/directors. I had offered the beach. I hate the beach, but we have never gone as a family. They brainstormed & settled on Legoland in New York, a trip to visit good friends that live in NJ who took us to New York City, and an upcoming trip to Washington DC.

My wife did the booking/research and set us up for 3 nights in the hotel and 2 days in the park. We both looked at two Facebook groups prior to going to help glean some knowledge:

Somehow, I was dirty banned from the first group with no warning or explanation. 😂 The second group is totally cool. I would suggest joining both. The only thing I can think that got me banned was the toilet thing (keep reading), or that I said to take cash even though they all said not to. (More on that in a bit too.)

I’ll put a list of my tips at the end.

Full disclosure: I like LEGO as much as if not more than the kids. We all do. Even my wife has gotten into building some really cool sets.

Family photo at the front sign to LEGOLAND New York.
The photo packaghe was worth it.
LEGOLAND refrigerator magnet made of... LEGO bricks.
My magnet may get glued together…

The hotel was super cool. We stayed in a Kingdom themed room. It had a separate nook with bunk bends and a TV for the kids, and a King-sized bed & TV for the adults. It came with a bin full of mostly Duplo & some LEGO to play with. It also had a treasure-hunt the first day to get (3) LEGO poly bag sets. We got them the 2nd night too, but not the 3rd. 🤷

LEGO frog atop a vast vault.
This guy guards the treasure.
kids playing Dick Tracy to get the lock combo code.
Found it!

I think we watched ALL of the LEGO movies in the room. That was neat.

The lobby has a giant castle that looks like LEGO, a treasure-trove of Duplo & Lego blocks, a climbing wall that isn’t a climbing wall, an area with large LEGO bricks made out of some material that feels like Crocs. There are so many photo opportunities throughout the hotel and park, it’s crazy.

I am here to storm LEGO castle!
I want one in the back yard.
Do you like my hat? It is the bastard child of a science experiment gone wrong. I left some LEGO and a pair of Crocs in that machine from The Fly, and welll... Jeff Goldblum is always pressing buttons.
Where can I buy these Croc-LEGO hybrids?
This is ¾ of us sitting on the wall that you're not supposed to climb on.
“We’re loners Dottie, rebels!”

Yeah. 4,672 kids climbed on this wall. Employees would all politely tell them to get off, and the parent / grandparent / aunt / uncle /random stranger would undoubtedly always exclaim “But, it looks like a climbing wall!” There is a sign to the left that says not to climb… but really, it LOOKS like a climbing wall. I suggest the shore it up so it’s safe to climb, or put stuff on the shelves so they don’t look like seats. Or maybe get a bigger more centralized “No Climbing” sign.

The restaurants in the park & at the hotel were interesting. They were crazy expensive, which we had gleaned from the groups, and kind of just expected anyway. The food was eh. I did not like their “fry sauce” on the burger. Breakfast was free with the stay and was a nice tray with scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, French toast sticks, sausage, tator tots or home fries, fresh fruit, and the option of coffee, juice, milk, or water to drink. Pop or iced tea was an up charge.

RIDE THE DRAGON! 🐉🤘
🐉

The rides and attractions are definitely geared to pre-teen kids, but were fun for the whole family. The Dragon was my son’s first roller coaster ride. The indoor rides were fun, and of course they drop you in the gift shops. We kept telling my son that the same stuff would be in the big store. We were wrong. Some stuff was different. No build a minifigure in the big store.

We did not do the water park… It’s convoluted as you have to reserve time in 20 minute increments and it seems like a wild pain in the keister. We thought about doing the pool at the hotel after the park, but we decided to chill the first day and it was raining the second day. The pirate themed rides were perfect for us.

I almost bought the park-exclusive Legoland New York set, and would have for $75, but I didn’t feel like it was worth the $100 asking price. Maybe next time? We did get the photo package for one day, and they kids’ LEGOLAND drivers license photos. I did buy two little New York City themed sets.

OH NO!

The thing that made me laugh the most was our toilet project.

My son was having fun playing with the blocks and all the other kids in the hotel lobby. He became somewhat of a warmonger or arms dealer. Kids were coming up to him like he was Peter Dinklage in that Thor Movie where he forged Stormbreaker, or Tony Stark supplying all sides with arms. He was making Duplo and LEGO swords, guns, and who knows what else for any kid that would ask. He was having an absolute blast. I built Godzilla and a city to smash to pass some time. I also built a Duplo rubber duck and we attached to it a Ninjago figure’s head.

Then my daughter and I got silly. She built a pile of poop out of brown LEGO bricks. I told her to get me a bunch of white Duplo blocks, and made a toilet. At first, we just sat her stuffed LEGO guy in a chicken costume minifig on it. Then, we put it on the tray beside a salad that a LEGO waitress minifig sculpture was carrying. It was hilarious to see kids & adults discover it.

Sophisticated art. Finely schooled LEGO and Duplo artists add to an existing art installation, to make several high-brown political and societal statements. OR A Duplo toilet featuring a LEGO poop put on a serving tray next to a salad on a minifigure LEGO sculpture.
I’m easily amused. I don’t know what her deal is.

All-in-all, we had a great time. I think you will too if you’re into LEGO and your kids are the right age. Check out the last of my pics if you didn’t already see them on Instagram, or skip down to my helpful tips!

Knock. Knock.
GIRL SCOUT COOKIES.
This was before the LEGOLAND driver's licenses were issued.
Imagine the car is Legoland, and I am my bank account.
It wasn't me.
I didn’t do it.
☠️
Even LEGO skulls are cool. ☠️
Dave is an unrecognized LEGO genius.
#TeamDave
LEGO Mt. Rushmore was cool AND creepy.
They sang to us.
LEGO Statue of Liberty & Staten Island Ferry!
We rode the real one later that week!
LEGO NYC
Impressive, but the real thing was WILD.
Ninjago
The kids loved this guy.
Minifigure sculptures.
This isn’;’t nearly all of them.
New York Postcard 40519 | Other
New York Postcard 40519 | Other
New York City 21028 | Architecture
New York City 21028 | Architecture

My LEGOLAND New York tips:

  • I would suggest getting the app. It was helpful with menus, maps, reservations, etc.
    • You scan a barcode for the menus as the hotel restaurants.
    • You can use the app to order at some food establishments in the park.
    • You need reservations for the $20 cafeteria burger meals at the Bricks Family restaurant.
  • Don’t climb the wall that looks like a climbing wall, or do it quick before they yell at you.
  • Get the burger with the fry sauce on the side.
  • The BBQ place was good!
  • The crappy unwanted minifigures your kid brings to trade are the same ones that every other kid brings to trade, and what the employees have on their carts or badges to offer for trade.
  • BRING CASH. 💵 Even though the Legoland NY FB tips & tricks group that unceremoniously booted me implores you to leave all cash at home… You want to tip, right? If you want to leave a tip for breakfast where you don’t get any add-ons, for the room service, or the hotel cleaning staff, you need cash.
    • There is not even an ATM on site, I asked the front desk.
    • Don’t try to use cash anywhere else there, which is actually fantastic.
    • We had the kids save up their own money for vacation, then put it on VISA gift cards before we went. They purchased what they wanted at their own discretion. We bought them one clothing or stuffed animal item each.
  • Kids’ meals come with a juice pouch in the cute little lunch bag… but it doesn’t advertise that anywhere… so, we bought 2 extra drinks for $10 the first lunch. 🤦‍♂️
  • Pack a bag with water, snacks, or even lunch.
  • The build-you-own minifigure part selection was grim in the hotel store.
  • Get you some LEGO themed shirts.
  • The Elevator Dance Parties are a blast at the hotel.
Shock 'n' Roll is NOT to be confused with the shocker. 🤘
🤘

If you have been there, please share your tips & tricks in the comments! If you have not, ask some questions and I’ll try to answer!

Weird Guitar Videos?

Posted on by Standard 1

For me, posting on YouTube is sort of like blogging. It’s more of a creative outlet than anything. I like to play the guitar, and I like weird guitars (Exhibit A & Exhibit B), so why not show off my weird guitars?

Made a playlist for that:

Which ones do you wanna hear?

#AllMyAxes 2020

Christmas Playlist 2020

Posted on by Standard Reply

I posted not too long ago about Christmas playlists on various platforms. Ultimately most of them are frustrating because you can’t just pick a song order without signing up for a “premium” account. I’m already subscribed to enough stuff.

I have other YouTube lists (Naughty & Nice), but I decided to pull some of my favorites and put them all on one:

Christmas 2020 🎶🤘🎅🎸🎄🎵

What great ones am I missing? Drop them in the comments below!

While you’re on my YouTube Channel, don’t forget to watch, give a like, and drop a comment for “Jingle Bells” by the Christmas Carrolls! We have over 400 views already, it would be cool to hit 500 by Christmas! Please share it on your social media platform of choice.

Guitar-Related Facebook Forum Bingo!

Posted on by Standard 4
GUITAR BINGO (MyFreeBingoCards.com)

Back in the day, I used to go to websites, message boards, chat rooms, or forums, & blogs. Now it’s mostly Facebook groups.

I’m a simple man. When not enjoying real-life things like family time, noodling poorly on the guitar, drawing mazes, or watching some funny or sci-fi-ish stuff on the TV, I enjoy reading things on the internet. This would include subjects like guitars, gear, guitars, music, Star Wars, guitars, guitars, and surprisingly enough …Guitars.

Why can't you look at porn like a normal husband?
https://guitarsquid.com/flowchart-do-you-have-too-many-guitars/

Picking up a theme? I’m in some guitar groups of varying purpose, from celebrating the instrument in general, to celebrating ugly ones, celebrating cheap ones, celebrating unique ones, alternating between building camaraderie or trolling between fellow guitarists, and making fun off bass players & drummers. I may have G.A.S. – It’s gotta be a real thing.

After a while, you start to notice a repetitive pattern of seemingly-canned responses.

At first, I thought of a drinking game. But, I’m too old for that, and I’m currently on antibiotics. Ha ha.

Bingo then? I made two crude BINGO cards with some free online help from My Free Bingo Cards and Bingo Baker,

It may seem light a slight, but it’s not. I’m in there. I have said the thigs. I have typed the things. I have read the things. I have heard the things. We all have a common interest. This is a celebration of you, & us. 🍻

How quickly could you get a line, or even fill up the card?

What responses have I missed?

Please, elaborate in the comments.

  • GUITAR BINGO (MyFreeBingoCards.com)
  • Guitar Bingo (Bingo Baker)
GUITAR BINGO!

What would go on your Bingo card or cause you to take a drink?

What do I need to add to my pin boards?

I would love to hear what you have to add.

What are your favorite places to discuss and ogle guitars on Facebook or online in general? You can even share some of your favorite guitar photos or memes in the comments.

You may want to take a look at the Guitars & My Guitars categories here at the blog.

Backyard Race Car Track & …Dinosaur Garden? 🚚🦕

Posted on by Standard 4

Well.  Damn, you Pinterest.  Ha ha.  We made more progress on the Back Yard Race Car Track.  It may now also be a construction zone, gravel pit, monster truck arena, and dinosaur garden.  Molly even asked about building a volcano.  I do have an extra bag of concrete.

Check out the latest photos.  We added a gravel pit, some large rocks for edging-work to try to contain the gravel, and dug out the grass so we have a dirt pit.  Not sure if I should plant grass and leave a dirt track, or make it all a dirt pit.  I may try to buy some river rock to make the outside edges look a little neater, and mix some more extra sloppy concrete to smooth it over, and fill in the edges smooth.

I bet it will evolve greatly over time.

I’m anxious to see photos of other projects like this.  Show me what you’ve got in the comments!

 

 

🚧 🚧 🚧 👷 👷‍♀️ 🚚 🦕 🚗 🏁 🧚 🌱 🚧 🚧 🚧

🚧 🚗🏁 Backyard Race Car Track & Fairy Garden Construction! 🧚🌱🚧

Posted on by Standard 4

So, on Labor Day this year, we labored.  We finally got around to pouring cement for the Backyard Race Car Track, and we started a Fairy Garden.

I have been sitting on the race car track idea for a while, and wondering what to do landscape-wise around the one small tree in the back.  We recently got some fairy garden furniture stuff as a gift… so we thought that would be a cool second (3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th?) backyard play-space.

I had purchased some Quikrete coloring from Amazon a while ago, and some bags of Quikrete Sand/Topping Mix from Home Depot this Saturday knowing that we had a full day to work today.

We had also started the digging a while ago when Ian was over-zealous and wanted to “Dig, Dig Dig!” in the back yard.

We had an easy enough start, put down some gravel, and mixed two of the three bags of Sand/Topping Mix with the coloring.  I mixed it a little thick, and really what was all the coloring was meant to cover.  The track was only about ‎⅔ of the way complete.  So, I mixed the one other bag we had on hand.  It was a little sloppier and went on really well.  The kids helped in a kid-helping capacity, and Bethany did nearly all of the troweling/finishing work.  Molly told me that she wanted to use the trowel because that’s what “brick builders” use to put the stuff in between bricks.  I have no idea where she learned that.

So.  It was obvious we needed a quick trip back to Home Depot to get some more bags.  Ian & I went on a mission.

I asked the little man if we should get 3, or 4.  He was adamant about getting 4.  We also got the cheapest bag of garden soil, and some pebbles.  Sadly, the bottle of coloring didn’t last long, and maddeningly Home Depot didn’t carry it… even with two shelves full of Quikrete products.  I ended up asking if they had anything in the paint department, and they just had a concrete paint or dye to use after the fact.

We got back and Bethany made us a delicious salad for lunch.  We needed to re-fuel for more work out back!  I mixed 2 more bags, with some help:

After that, we did use just one more bag… but that’s OK.  I can use the rest for some driveway patch work now that I have some more recent practice with this stuff.  (A long time ago, I worked for a bit for a general contractor, and would sometimes mix mortar all day for the subcontracted bricklayers.)

For now, that’s about all we can do.  The bag says it needs to set up for five days.  Hopefully we can be patient and the neighborhood wildlife (including my children) stays out of it.  I did grab an odd old brick from out front that had originally been in the back yard, and made a sort of garage out of it.  I plan to get some river rocks or pebbles or something to kind of clean up the edges of the track.  Maybe they will need to go on with concrete, or some of that stuff that comes in a caulking-gun dispenser.  If they’re not stuck down, they will end up all over and most likely destroy my lawn mower.

The other quick family project was to make a fairy garden.  I was hoping to use stuff that we had around in addition to the recently gifted furniture and starter items.

After thinking about a couple of different ideas, we settled on me taking a chainsaw to some large branches and small logs that we had out back, and driving nails partway into the bottom so we could drive them into the ground and they would hopefully hold.  It worked!

I played with the chainsaw, demonstrated the nail technique, then Bethany and the kids did most of the nail-driving… and I think that was mostly Bethany.  Molly helped me place them around the tree in sort of a kidney bean shape, including an old wooden bucket that I think we bought from the estate sale of the previous owner of this house (who coincidentally said she would miss the little tree in the backyard most of all).

Then we pulled up 90% of the grass, and Ian hauled it away in his wheelbarrow.  We put down the bag of cheap garden soil and it was perfect for coverage & fairy garden decoration placement.  We also planted a small succulent plant that my mom had recently given us in a small pot that should be durable outdoors, but may look cool covered in small round stones so it looks like a fairy house.  We’re putting Grandma on craft duty to help make little projects to decorate the space.  I would love to use some of the stuff we have around the yard or house like tiny terracotta pots, or Popsicle sticks, or wire.

It would be nice to plant some small ornamental succulents, moss, or super tiny flowers eventually too.  Luckily (?) Pinterest is an endless rabbit hole when it comes to fairy garden stuff.  Speaking of rabbits, our backyard is overrun with them as well as squirrels, chipmunks, birds, deer, and who knows what else.  Think they’ll leave this stuff alone?

At any rate, playing in the dirt has been proven over-and-over to be good for you.  These spaces offer two additional opportunities for the kids to get into the dirt in the back yard.  It’s great to learn about gardening, ecosystems, using your imagination, and more… all without even realizing that you’re learning.

Check out some photos from the day if you have the time and interest, and let us know what you think in the comments!

 

 

If this is something you’d like to try yourself, check out these Pinterest boards for inspiration:

If it’s something you have tried yourself, please share your stuff in the comments!  I would love to see some other backyard family projects.

Guitarobatics 🎸

Posted on by Standard 19

I’m on a few super gear-nerdy and G.A.S.-educing groups on Facebook.  To the Awesome Cheap Guitars group, I recently posed this question:

So,what awesome cheap guitar moves have you pulled on stage? I’m a horrible guitar player, but I can wow a crowd with some flash, flair, and goofy-looking guitars. I’m guilty of the checked following…

Dancing E.

Dancing E.

☑ Playing behind the head.
☑ Playing while squatting with guitar in between knees, reaching arm through legs from behind.
☑ Playing while falling/laying down.
☑ Dropping-trou and continuing to play.
☑ Playing on knees bending back until head almost touches the ground.
☑ Sad 80’s dance move with shuffling feet while playing.
☑ Playing on chairs.
☑ Playing on tables.
☐ Playing on the bar.
☑ Walking outside & in another door if possible with a wireless.
☑ Sitting in a seat with a wireless.
☑ Stage-diving.
☑ The Chuck Berry/Angus Young walk.
☑ Switching instruments mid song.
☐ Using a beer bottle as a slide.
☑ Using a mic stand as a slide.
☐ Blowing bubblegum bubbles. (Like Doyle.)
☑ Drinking mid song.
☑ Injuring a band mate by accident. (I chipped the lead-singer/bass player’s tooth.)
☐ Injuring a band mate on purpose.
☑ Improvising a mic stand out of duct tape, a hockey stick, & gatorade bottles. (Hey, we were playing at a dek-hockey rink.)
☐ Playing on someone’s shoulders.
☐ Playing while someone is on your shoulders.
☑ Playing from behind a wooden bear statue with the guitar on the front of the bear.
☐ Putting a lit cigarette under the strings in the headstock.
☐ The amp-hump. (Like Jimi.)
☑ The guitar-as-a-phallic-symbol air-hump. (Like Rex from the Lone Rangers  in Airheads.) 
☐ The guitar toss – Badass edition. (Like Prince – also, check out the falling into the crowd move!!!)
☐ The guitar toss – Oops edition. (Like Prince with the borrowed Epiphone or Krist Novoselic on MTV.)
☐ The guitar toss – Someone else catches & starts playing.
☐ Smoke-bombs. (Like Ace Frehley.)
☐ Set Fire to the guitar. (Like Jimi.)
☐ The windmill. (Like Pete.)
☑ The powerslide.
☑ The failed powerslide.
☐ Swinging from the rafters. (Hard to do while actually playing? This dude did it.)
☐ The “‘round the world” spin.
☐ The failed “round the world” spin.
☑ Yelling out a second story window mid-set for people to come into the bar.
☐ The “nyah-nyah you can’t see me” EVH turn-around.
☐ The flying karate kick.
☑ On the knees.
☐ On top of a piano. (Like Slash.)
☑ Dancing with the crowd.
☑ Duel of the Fates – using another musician’s fretboard as a slide.
☑ The salute – All in the air.
☑ The Poison-ish choreographed lean.
☑ Lean on a bandmate.
☑ Lean into a bandmate.

I know there are more.  I know photos & videos exist of some of these with me.   I know this post can get goofy. Please, I implore you to share your moves, including videos, animated gifs, and photos in the comments!  This kind of stuff is hilariously entertaining to me.

What’s your favorite to do?  What’s your favorite to watch?  What have you copied?  What have you invented?  What did I miss on this list?  Share your stories and images and favorite stuff from your favorite performers!

Now, for the self-indulgence:

Behind the Dome (Again)
Like a turtle
The campfire solo
Through the legs!
Three Axe Salute
The choad-tickler.
The Air-Hump
Dance with the crowd!
The Showoff
The other choreographed lean
The Choreographed Lean
Dead
The Digleberry?
En garde!
Lean on me
Listen to that sustain
Lean back ’til you can’t no mo’
Push n’ shove
Sweep the leg.
Dancin’!
Attention, bear-f__ker, do you require assistance?
Under the nuts.
Turducken Walk
I’m Broken
Duel of the fates
On yo’ knees.
BEER!
Jump!
Behind the dome.
Wireless Table Dance

Bob Evans Follow-Up Bob Evans Follow-Up Bob Evans Follow-Up

Posted on by Standard 3

Jelly! Jelly! Jelly!

Jelly! Jelly! Jelly!

You read about the Bob Evans fallout and follow-up, right?  In the interest of fully full disclosure, we went back, got a free meal, and had a nice normal dining out experience.  It went well.  LeAnn from Bob Evans wrote to check on me, and I thought I’d share the dialogue.

From: “Purdy, Leann D”
To: [Me]
Sent: Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Subject: RE: Bob Evans – Reference # 720520 / Blog post about Bob Evans

Hi Eric!

 I wanted to follow up with you to see if you had been back, if not I understand.  I do hope that you do at least use your gift certificates to get some of our amazing Wildfire BBQ sauce!

I know you had concerns with what action was taken after your call/email, I can assure you that all of your feedback is used for training purposes, we did forward your comments to the area coach and general manager so that we can ensure that we are providing excellent service.

Have a great day!

Jelly Jelly Jelly!

bef.gif

LeAnn Purdy
Representative, Guest and Consumer Relations
Supporting Bob Evans Restaurants, Bob Evans Food Products & Mimi’s Café Restaurants
3776 South High Street
Columbus, OH 43207
Bob Evans Guest and Consumer Relations: (800) 939-2338
Mimi’s Café Guest Relations: (866) 616-6464
Fax: (614) 492-4971
Bobevans.com

And, my response:

From: [-mE.]
To: “Purdy, Leann D” ; Riggs A.
Cc: [The Wife]
Sent: Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Subject: Re: Bob Evans – Reference # 720520 / Blog post about Bob Evans

Hello LeAnn,

Thank you very much for the follow up!  We actually did get the opportunity to take advantage of a free meal last Thursday night, at the same Bridgeville location.  It was a wonderful experience.  It wasn’t too busy when we arrived… and we seemed to get there right at a shift change, but the service was smooth nonetheless, and we only had to ask once for jelly!

Asking once for jelly & receiving it struck me as a possible bad omen.  Upon arrival, the first thing we heard as we were seated was the waitress at the table next to us (oddly not our waitress) telling her customers that something had been comped or removed from their bill… and the customer was spouting off about something unintelligible.

We had an excellent waitress then waiter, there was no shouting from the kitchen, the food was prepared well.  Some of the carrots with my turkey dinner were dry/cracked, but you’ll get that anywhere.  I didn’t see a manager on duty or patrolling the dining room, but things were running quite smoothly without their presence.

If you talk to the area coach/general manager/managers/team there again, please pass on our thanks for another great meal that was back to what we would call a normal Bob Evans experience.  I didn’t present my BE gift money until the end of the meal, but it didn’t produce any speed bumps and we still have one left!

Thank you for the gift, and both you & Nate for your time, and sincere follow-up!  (Follow-ups?  Follows-up?)

“Jelly! Jelly! Jelly!” may be a good ad campaign.  “Pizza! Pizza!” worked for Little Caesar’s.

Thanks again,
-Eric

Bob Evans Restaurant on Urbanspoon

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McConsistency is Key.

Posted on by Standard 5

Recently for lunch, I had a reconstituted-onion & cheese sandwich from McDonald’s with a little bit of beef on it.  It was extra special because it was pressed.  It was not like a panini press with grill lines, but more like someone sat on it.  There were also pickles stacked on top of each other, sticking out of the side.  Very artful & creative!

This wasn’t even from the West Liberty location.

I recently had a friend send one of his friends’ McTale-of-woe to me, because I have apparently become some sort of authority on all things wrong with McDonald’s customer service.

The reason I told of my recent adventure in lunch, is that it fits with the tale as told by someone who wishes to remain nameless, blameless, & shameless:

From: Pattyless Sandwich
Date: Wed, Sep 28, 2011 at 9:29 AM
Subject: The Day McDonald’s Shit All Over My Good Time
To: The Hamburglar

On Sept. 27, 2011 I went through the drive thru at McDonald’s on Mt. Lebanon Blvd. in Castle Shannon, PA. I ordered a number 4 (two cheeseburgers), and I asked for no onion. When I got back to my friends house and we started eating I noticed that the sandwich looked really thin but I just figured it was smashed down a little more THAN NECESSARY so I bit in anyway. As I was chewing, I realized something wasn’t right about what was being smashed around in my mouth. I set my sandwich down and removed the top part of the bun to see the following: slice of cheese on the bottom half of the bun, pickles, ketchup, and mustard. Yes, that is correct, there was no meat on the sandwich. Luckily I had another sandwich, that in fact had the patty, to eat, but they put onions on it. The only thing I asked them to void. Now I understand work is work and if you have a job to live then that is fantastic, but to be the person to put the burgers together at McDonald’s, I feel like you go through a training day to be shown how to assemble them. Bottom bun, slice of cheese (I’m guessing it is on the bottom so the burger melts it, let’s not get crazy this shit isn’t cooked together), HAMBURGER PATTY, and then your condiments. Who put mine together and thought “hm….this looks right. Nothing is missing, I am a brilliant fucking burger maker extraordinaire.”? It’s not a hamburger from a hamburger joint if there is no meat. To quote a smart fast food chain (rhymes with Shmendy’s), “Where’s the beef!?”

Sincerely,
Pattyless Sandwich

And, there’s even a Facebook photo:

Veggie Burger?

Veggie Burger?

Ridiculous.  At least this didn’t come through my contact form from someone thinking I was McDonald’s.

Friends, I seriously wish I could write to the McGiant on your behalf, but all of my insane yet legitimate complaints have fallen on deaf ears, blind eyes, or typical McCustomer-Service employees.

Check out my track record.  While I feel for you, maybe try their McPennsylvania site?  I can do nothing at this point but perhaps share in your misery, my freinds!

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