So, right before new years, I went on adventure looking for mini cocktail rye breads from Pepperidge Farm. They used to make one called Jewish Rye, and Pumpernickel.

The Jewish Rye was cool because it contained ground caraway seeds instead of the standard whole caraway seeds. I have had bouts with Diverticulitis, so I try to stay hydrated & avoid tiny sharp seeds. Caraway absolutely ruins sauerkraut, but it is good in rye bread.

Pumpernickel is cool because it essentially is named for the devil’s farts… and if that’s not cool, I don’t know what is. This is also code in my household for “I am always right.” I told my wife the name origin behind it, she said there was no way, Googled it… and, like I said… I am always right.

Did they just stop making those little mini seedless cocktail rye bread things? They are increasingly hard to find every new year. Struck out at Kuhn's & Shop 'n Save, @GiantEagle has been a miss the last few years. Maybe @FreshThymeFM?

— ᗡʏꙅ⅃ɘXiA ƆiЯƎ 🎸 (@AiXeLsyD13) December 31, 2022

I know that the other manufacturer, S. Rosen, make cocktail-sized rye and pumpernickel bread… but the rye is not seedless. Apparently Hanky Panky means something entirely different in some parts of Ohio.

My wife likes to make this stuff for New Year’s that’s like swiss cheese, lemon-pepper, and mayo on the cocktail-sized Jewish Rye then toasted in the oven. It’s delicious. I like to make little mini open faced Reubens. The pumpernickel would be an acceptable alternative if I absolutely can’t find the seedless rye.

Because I’m weird and can’t leave anything alone, we have this…

Hey there, Eric. We're sorry to hear you're having trouble finding our Party Rye and Pumpernickel Bread. Unfortunately, we have discontinued it. We will be sure to let the team know you were looking for it. https://t.co/7lhEBw42Iu

— Pepperidge Farm Cares (@PFCares) December 31, 2022

So, do I need to send them a maze to convince them to bring back cocktail-sized seedless rye or pumpernickel bread? https://t.co/V2pJnvURcS

— ᗡʏꙅ⅃ɘXiA ƆiЯƎ 🎸 (@AiXeLsyD13) January 1, 2023

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A post shared by Eric Carroll (@aixelsyd13)

I, of course, posted it on Twitter, Instagram, & Facebook. I tagged Pepperidge Farm & Pepperidge Farm Cares. To their credit, they did reply:

Hi there, we're sorry to hear this! Unfortunately, this variety is no longer available. We will pass along to our team that you want to see them return.

— Pepperidge Farm Cares (@PFCares) January 23, 2023

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A post shared by Eric Carroll (@aixelsyd13)

I did tag all the stores that I could in the photo on Instagram and Facebook, but none of them have taken the bait.

I had to turn it up a notch, to which they did not reply:

All of that just says:

Hello,

I was wondering if anyone had time to try and complete my maze while considering bringing back cocktail-sized Jewish Rye.

The ground caraway was awesome, because it isn’t a potential diverticulitis disaster like whole seeds are.

My wife wpuld [sic] use it to make this delicious lemon pepper cheese appetizer, and I like to make tiny Reuben sandwiches and pretend I am a reformed King King that no longer has to eat people sacrificed to me on Skull Island.

The mini pumpernickel is cool just because of the etymology. I mean? It has to be the most metal bread out there. 🤘

How can you discontinue such wonderful things?

Also, AI generated art seems to be the cool thing these days, so I tried to make this on a few different ones to go along with the blog post:

I may have to buy a gorilla suit and make some tiny Reubens with the S. Rosen bread… and convince the wife or kids to take my photo.

Or, I may have to make a maze for S. Rosen, featuring a caraway seed that must make the journey through my guys without getting stuck, causing inflammation & a possible infection. Or maybe it has to make its way through a grinder before beign added to the dough & baked?

@SRosens1909 So, do you guys make a seedless cocktail rye bread, or just the Pumpernickel (the most metal of all breads! 🤘💨)?

I know the big PF dropped the ball and you picked up the slack. Bravo!

— ᗡʏꙅ⅃ɘXiA ƆiЯƎ 🎸 (@AiXeLsyD13) January 26, 2023

I doubt than anyone at Pepperidge Farm or Pepperidge Farm Cares is going to complete my maze. But, if they do, you can thank me later.

As far as discussion here, which I always ask for yet rarely get in the comments, let me know what you do with mini cocktail rye or pumpernickel bread.

Also… Ler’s discuss Reubens. Russian or Thousand Island? Regular rye or marbled? Do you add anything like bacon or swap out corned beef for Pastrami? Do you ever use Havarti instead of Swiss? Grilled in a pan, or on a panini press? I should blog about Reubens. Mmm. I’m hungry.

Also, please, please, complete the maze! Send me the results, post & tag me!

The most important takeaway is that if I tell you something, I am always right. Pumpernickel.