Tag Archives: dingleberry

Expand Your Vocabulary

Posted on by Standard 19

Shakespeare

Shakespeare was a dirty bastard.

You read my post about naughty words & the “R-Word”, right?  Well, to help you stop using the r-word (since I know my post convinced you to take the pledge), I’d like to try to put together a list of alternate words.  I’m really gonna need your help in the comments.  Let’s get ridiculous.  I want so many alternatives that are more fun to use that we won’t even remember the word we’re trying to replace.  If you’re easily offended by potty-mouths & naughty-bits, you might want to skip this one… or even better suggest some of your own substitutions.  You can go funny, you can go high-brow, you can go low-brow.  Just give me what you’ve got.

  • Anus  (I say this way too much.  It makes you cringe more than any other word for it…  especially if you preface it with “puckered”.)
  • Scoundrel  (This one makes you sound badass & elegant.)
  • Jagoff (Don’t be a Jagoff.)
  • Dumbass
  • Fishmonger  (Didn’t you pay attention to Shakespeare?)
  • Ass-monkey (Ass-clown, Ass-hat, Ass-face, this could go on forever until you get to Ass-ass then it’s like meeting yourself in the Back to the Future movies.)
  • Dingleberry
  • Bunghole, Dillhole, Fart-Knocker, or anything else you learned from Beavis and Butt-head.
  • Butthead.
  • Peckerwood
  • [Expletive]-nugget.  (Any of your favorite swear words will work there.  Try a few!)
  • Borrow from our friends across the pond:  Tosser, Wanker, Fart in a Jar, Twit, Todger, Tosspot, Arsehole, Toe Rag, Gobshite, etc.
  • Lowlife
  • Miscreant
  • Maggot
  • Dastard
  • Vagabond
  • Wretch
  • Good-for-nothing
  • Ne’er-do-well
  • Bad egg
  • Nitwit
  • Fool
  • Jackass
  • Bonehead
  • Penis-wrinkle  (Again, using the “actual” word for a body part is sometimes more shocking than anything else.)
  • Coinpurse
  • Pickle-polisher
  • …and a few that I wont list because my mother reads this.

Maybe you should get a Thesaurus.

Then again, maybe you just shouldn’t say mean stuff to people.

Beavis and Butt-head

Duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh-nah!

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Stuck in the middle with you…

Posted on by Standard 5

Make sure you can get the whole way through an intersection before you actually go through it.  I see these dingleberries every weekday morning.  I use the word dignleberry because they cling to automobile in front of them.  Please, study the illustration of the offending intersection by Bing Maps & mad paint.NET skills:

Don't be a dingleberry.

Don't be a dingleberry.

To drive the point home, what you’re seeing is my path (the green arrow) and the wrong path (the red arrow).  The yellow outline is the zone where you should not be when my light turns green.  Let’s call that zone the clean wipe zone.  There are two lanes headed in my direction.  The left lane is where I need to be, the right lane is where most of the red path dingleberries are going, so they can get up on the major highway close by.

One major dingleberry always ends up straddling the inside lane, clearly inside the clean wipe zone.  Sometimes the dingleberry has a friend that sneaks behind, straddling the lanes coming towards me.  That’s super dingleberryish.  Don’t be a dingleberry!

(Dingleberries in the clean wipe zone cause incredible discomfort, and sometimes bring out horn-honking traffic trolls.)

If you end up in the clean wipe zone when my light is green, you are a dingleberry.  There may be several reasons for the offending action…

  1. You’re an idiot and you weren’t paying attention.
  2. You think you can squeeze through.
  3. You’ll do anything to get through your light, not caring if you’re blocking traffic going the other direction.

I have solutions for all of these problems…

  1. Pay attention, idiot.
  2. You obviously can’t, judge better next time.  When it doubt, don’t.
  3. You are not more important than the throngs of others on their way to work.  Why block a whole bunch of them?

Are we clear?

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