Tag Archives: fashion

Have I reached the suspenders phase?

Posted on by Standard 3

Let me set the stage… On my last ER trip, I was wearing “lounge” pants with a stretchy waist and drawstrings. After the mandatory 4 or 5 hour wait, I was called to go back. I was drawing mazes to pass the time, so pen & notebook in one hand, and phone in the other… I involuntary dropped trou as I marched toward the beckoning healthcare professional at the double-doors.

Luckily for me, any semblance of shame I had was gone years ago, and I have voluntarily de-pantsed myself in areas ranging from stages to bowling alleys for my own bemusement.

Luckily for my peers awaiting medical treatment, I was not going commando.

This leads to walking around in public today, hands full, and pants trying to shimmy down my waist. Thankfully, I was able to wiggle my decidedly unshapely hips like Shakira to keep everything in place.

Tightening my belt really isn’t helpful to my situation with the inflammation, and I don’t want to hinder the process of everything moving through my digestive system like some hyper-loop Maglev. I have dropped 25-ish lbs., so my clothes are as loose as my bowel movements.

Should I rock the Robin Williams suspenders look? The Amish look? The old man potbelly look? The Blippi w/ a bowtie? I like the mod/skinhead look, but few people know their roots go back to the mods who liked soul and reggae and can only think of the mostly bad connotations with that word & style. Go full hipster/craft brew enthusiast?

Can I pull off tucking in a T-shirt? Do I need to start wearing button downs and polos?

I am here soliciting your fashion advice.

Cargo Shorts: Uniform of the Useful

Posted on by Standard 2

Recently, while camping at a local Jellystone with the family (awesome for young kids, by the way!), it occurred to me just how awesome cargo shorts are. Luckily I have a fashion sense unfettered by current trends, or perhaps a complete lack thereof. Why are they so vilified?

My cargo shorts were the hero of the day for a Saturday camping adventure.

My shorts in the course of the day, at one point for quite some time, contained all of the following…

  1. Car keys
  2. Cabin key
  3. Wallet
  4. Cell phone
  5. Wife’s cell phone
  6. Wife’s lip balm
  7. 4 golf balls from Putt Putt that we need to return for a refund across the camp.
  8. The contents of one “fossil” mining sluice bag.
  9. The contents of one “gem” mining sluice bag.
  10. Tummy medicine.
  11. Campground map.
  12. Multi-Tool pocket knife thing:
    • Plyers
    • Cutters/Strippers
    • Knife
    • Saw
    • Ruler
    • Phillips-Head Screwdriver
    • Flat-Head screw driver
    • Can-opener
    • Other Can-opener
    • File
  13. Epi-Pen.

Tell me that’s not awesome. See the above FB post from my friend Dave, and the photo of backpack shorts found from the bowels of social media? Perhaps that is the only possible evolution to something more useful. Are you brave enough to try?

So, cargo shorts dad, or just cargo shorts man… you continue being you. Cargo shorts mom or cargo shorts woman? You be you too! Fashion will circle back around. Or not. Who cares? We stand the test of time.

I also wear high-top Chuck Taylor All Stars with shorts, which my wife erroneously and hilariously thinks is a faux pas. I mean, what?

I have also noticed that socks with Crocs is a thing. I got into Crocs almost like I imagine someone succumbs to an addiction. I thought they were dumb. I got some for creek shoes at camp. They were really comfortable. I got some fur-lined ones for slippers at home. I wore the regular ones into the yard to garden. I wear them to cut grass, take out the dog, take out the trash. I wore them for a quick run to Rite Aid. Wore them for a longer run to Giant Eagle. Wore them with socks while gardening or mowing the lawn to keep the dirt from getting in between my toes. Will I be wearing Crocs in socks to the kids’ school and sports activities soon?

Tell me in the comments what you store in your cargo shorts. What should I be keeping in mine? I didn’t even get into how different shades of camo PERFECTLY compliment my band T-shirts and Star Wars or Batman T-shirts.

You probably shouldn’t take fashion advice from a guy with lambchop sideburns anyway.