Have I reached the suspenders phase?


Let me set the stage… On my last ER trip, I was wearing “lounge” pants with a stretchy waist and drawstrings. After the mandatory 4 or 5 hour wait, I was called to go back. I was drawing mazes to pass the time, so pen & notebook in one hand, and phone in the other… I involuntary dropped trou as I marched toward the beckoning healthcare professional at the double-doors.

Luckily for me, any semblance of shame I had was gone years ago, and I have voluntarily de-pantsed myself in areas ranging from stages to bowling alleys for my own bemusement.

Luckily for my peers awaiting medical treatment, I was not going commando.

This leads to walking around in public today, hands full, and pants trying to shimmy down my waist. Thankfully, I was able to wiggle my decidedly unshapely hips like Shakira to keep everything in place.

Tightening my belt really isn’t helpful to my situation with the inflammation, and I don’t want to hinder the process of everything moving through my digestive system like some hyper-loop Maglev. I have dropped 25-ish lbs., so my clothes are as loose as my bowel movements.

Should I rock the Robin Williams suspenders look? The Amish look? The old man potbelly look? The Blippi w/ a bowtie? I like the mod/skinhead look, but few people know their roots go back to the mods who liked soul and reggae and can only think of the mostly bad connotations with that word & style. Go full hipster/craft brew enthusiast?

Can I pull off tucking in a T-shirt? Do I need to start wearing button downs and polos?

I am here soliciting your fashion advice.

I need something to put my junk in.


So, recently I’ve been thinking about getting some sort of messenger bag to keep some stuff in.  Let the jokes begin.  I know I have made fun of the vaunted murse before.  Hipsters everywhere would have admonished my belittling of their manbags.

Jim Dunlop Tortex Fin Pick 1.14mm (Purple)I just have too much stuff in my pockets.  Here’s an inventory for you right now…

I’ve also been carrying around my leather coat that’s like my own personal medicine cabinet.  It’s too hot to be carrying around a leather jacket, and the stuff is too bulky for hoodie pockets.  (It’ll be too hot to wear those soon, too.)  It usually has…

  • Daily stomach medicine
  • “Calm down if I need it” medicine

And right now some…

This is clearly getting out of hand.  I’m not sure what to do, but I need to do something.  There’s an old Dennis the Menace cartoon (or the TV show or a movie) where he empties his pockets and it’s a never-ending pile of stuff.  I feel like that, without the slingshot or overalls.

I joked with my wife one night that I needed a purse to keep all my stuff in.  Then I kept thinking that it might not be a bad idea to get a bookbag or something.  I have a nice backpack for the laptop… but I don’t have the need to carry the laptop anywhere daily.

I did take the discussion to Twitter, and gained encouragement from @allergicgirl, @VickysMama & @kyledine.

https://twitter.com/#!/kyledine/status/191867530833428481
https://twitter.com/#!/kyledine/status/190908291054977024
https://twitter.com/#!/allergicgirl/status/190866006305013760
https://twitter.com/#!/allergicgirl/status/191142565410635777

I feel like if I had a backpack, I’d be obligated to fill it with stuff.  I could fill a messenger bag with a bunch of stuff easily.  A multi-tool, an mp3 player, maybe a tablet & more pens.

I could get a small one, like Indiana Jones.  I fear I’d look more like Alan from The Hangover.  Big?  Small?  Leather?  Suede?  Canvas?  Nylon?  Patches?  No Patches?  (I could go the safety-pin, 1″ button, patch route.)  So many decisions.

Perception vs. Reality?

Perception vs. Reality?

My wife, Bethany, seems to think I won’t carry it, might lose it, or that the infatuation would quickly wear off.  Maybe she just doesn’t want  a husband that carries a purse?

I don’t see the fanny pack or those epi pen belt holders as an option.  Maybe a leg one?  And maybe a small pill box?

What do you think?