Check this post out, and RECOGNIZE the pizza delivery dude.
He takes pride in his service.
via blogdramedy
Related articles
- The Pizza Man Isn’t Here (blurts.wordpress.com)
Tag Archives: humor
Ernie and the Berts / Awful Waffles / Uke & Tuba – FRIDAY AT THE BBT!
If you didn’t catch us last night at the Fallout Shelter… and you probably didn’t… you have the chance to try again this weekend, and eat some pierogies!
I am computer smart & very good with organization.
Worst resume ever? Perhaps. It’s pretty funny though… so maybe if the writer can harness the chaos, it can be put to good use. I wish I could take credit for writing or even finding this, but I can’t. It comes from a note posted on Facebook by my good friend Mike. I asked him if I could steal it to share with a wider audience, and he agreed that it’s too good to not be shared.
So, grab a cup of coffee, and pretend you’re looking to hire someone…
[Mike’s forward: This comes from my pal at a local coffee shop. This kid came in and insisted on including this resume with his application. I have not edited it for content, spelling or punctuation aside from anything containing his personal info. Have fun!!]
Resume of, AUTHOR.
Address: (Something, Pittsburgh PA 15219.)
Best way to contact: E-Mail.(email@college.edu.)
Attending college at: (College.)
Major of study: (Graphic Design, moving up to Game & Art Design.)
Degree earning: (Bachelor’s Degree, “4 years.”)
Years done so far out of 4: (almost a full 2 years total.)
Skill’s & Talent’s, which PERSON can bring to this job offer, is as followed:
- I have both my Adobe & Microsoft skills.
- I wield the knowledge & understanding on, how to properly function these programs.
- I am computer smart & very good with organization.
- I am a hard worker & I get stuff done right the first time around.
- I am very well, at English & speaking.
- I understand details very quickly & fluently as well.
I take direction extremely well & work as hard as I can, in order to guarantee success at whatever it is I am presently doing.
- I am a team player & can be greatly independent upon my efforts put fourth in my work too.
- I can give great advice to fellow students, if I do not know an answer to a question I will first try to see if I can figure it out, or guide them to the correct person in position to answer their questions.
- I am passionate at everything I do, I never waste time I work first & leave the relaxing time for when it can be enjoyed without consequence.
Background & Job qualifications.
You are probably asking yourself:
- “Why should I consider hiring, this college student?
- What makes him, stand out more than any other college student. who may be applying?
- Does he have the ambition & determination, to follow through with this job position?
- Will he ever fail me, or let me down in anyway imaginable?
- Can he be trusted & reliable, to do this type of work?
” These are all very good questions & I can inform security, that I can honestly answer them all, both correctly & factually, while backing up everything I am about to explain with evidence. ”
- I feel you should consider my employment, cause I am a working type of person almost 95 percent of my time, my life is what I do, in this cause art & employment, I seem to never stop moving or working on something important, while others party with friends I am either figuring out life arrangements, school finances & study, or just creating neat art, cause that’s what I came to an art college for.
I believe what makes me stand out, is my never give up attitude, my spunky side which shines through as a bubbly personality, my humor can be a personality trait in particular settings, I naturally love people & always give my all & best to help them, I would give a homeless guy the remaining dollar in my wallet & I have done that a lot, so I just believe with every good employee, comes a caring strong individual. I am a determined student, with one option only, success. Failure is a given, but I never allow it, it will never be3 a option for me, if I want this dream career & lifestyle I have to want it, I have to live it & most importantly I have to fight for it full throttle. I brought my GPA up this quarter from a 1.7 now is at a peaking 2.4 /2.5 & there are still a few grades that need to placed in their, but I know how I did by communicating with my professors, it will at least be a 2.5 if anything. I can guarantee excellent & efficient work ethic, delivered daily without any questions ask. I am up for change, so if details in the work environment turn to the left or to the right I am on the ball & never respond negatively to a changed course or daily pattern. I am a Full-Time Student, at the COLLEGE, in the Graphic Design Program (Bachelors Degree.) I came for Game & art Design. though my art work from high school, passed in insanely well, my mathematics’ is what I am working on in order to move up & soon enough I will do just that.
Personal Cover Letter.
I am a very determined person. I believe in promotion, even where it seems, down right impossible. I believe anyone of us, can succeed at what we dream. It’s not where you come from, that makes who you are today, It is what you went through & how you handled it, in order to get to where you are today. I do not believe in using your pass negative experiences, as an alibi, nor do I agree with, failure being an option. I came from a rough life, beofre I became the young successful man I am today. I was the boy on the streets, the boy with no father or mother, nor anyone to love him. I came from Foster Cares, an endless amount & I went through life’s tragedies at an early age. Though my life was difficult, I still dreamed of a brighter tomorrow, with that said, I always said I BELIEVE. I never listened, when family & outsiders use to say, give up that’s a fairy tale dream-life it will never happened I still held my head high & believed, their must be more to this world Everyone can not simply be this horrid, their must be a better life, out there just waiting around the bend, sure enough after 17 to 18 years of my life, I found out that I was in fact very correct. There was a dream-life outside of tragedy & despair & that’s what I found today, for 2 years right out of high school I jumped on the college bandwagon & never stepped off since, still dealing with tragedies sure we always will, but I deal with them, get through them, the mature way, the professional way & I still do what my work & schooling expects of me.
I did have a part time job at the local Dunkin’ Donuts, but ran into, some scheduling details that weren’t that well explained in this case, every week was a new schedule & it began to confuse many employees working on the site. I worked as a very hard worker for a solid month, to the point that, the Assistant Manager taking over soon, said I wish I was in charge right now cause you would still be my employee, he apologized & said you the only one here who cleans, closes & runs this shop like a professional & to the book, like me, everyone else seems to slide on through & slack off, he said my apologize. This was very difficult it hurt very badly to where I cried a bit, I never been rejected in that fashion, so I think we all, get that wake up call, that proves to us even if your doing everything in your power to be the best employee, sometimes life still happens, all we can do is cry, move on & change for the better in the end I am also applying for 2 part times or one Full time position this quarter I have to find a place to live come September 1h & I expect to be okay, come fall something tells me I will. I guarantee, though I work part time, I will have more than enough time to work for you, this is without questioning, I would have never applied if I couldn’t bring the goods to the table, trust me. Many days I sit bored in a dorm silly, cause I don’t work that day or classes are finished, so I have all the time in the world I am a hard worker & I believe living life to it’s fullest, takes effort in order to receive it’s glory
Did he get the job? Please, share your thoughts! I’d also love to know how much of this was put through Google Translate. Think any of it was? I hope some of it was, anyway.
What’s your favorite line? There are so many good ones! This should replace the standard lourem ipsum.
The Fastest and Funniest LEGO Star Wars stor[ies] ever told
Twitter and my friends at Clean Water Action
So, Twitter suggested that I follow Clean Water Action. Ha ha.
http://twitter.com/#!/AiXeLsyD13/status/43764259984904192
It reminded me of this…
Senator Wayne Fontana Reads His Mail.
…and I laughed.
I need to write some more goofy letters.
Facewars | A New Status
Thunder can’t quietly do anything. It’s thunder.
Oh my goodness.
- John Moe’s Pop-Song Correspondences, Volume XIII. BY JOHN MOE : Notes on “Sweet Child O’ Mine,” as Delivered to Axl Rose by His Editor.
- John Moe’s Pop-Song Correspondences, Volume XIX. BY JOHN MOE : A Letter to Prince Regarding the Crying of Doves and the Fiasco That Resulted From the Presentation of a Speech on That Topic.
So funny. I like this John Moe character. There’s plenty more pop song correspondences, and even more content at McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. I really dig this cat’s style.
Photos | Ernie and the Berts / Vagora @ The Fallout Shelter (Sept. 10th, 2010)
Photos from my camera, shots of Ernie and the Berts taken by Lynn Payne. The other band is Vagora, shots of them taken by me. Thumbs below take you to the individual shots at Photobucket, or try these links…
Photobucket:
Facebook:
- Photo Album (Tag people you know!)
A.J. Jacobs – The Year of Living Biblically
While browsing the humor section at Borders the other day, I had more than a few books in my hands, and kept putting them back. Then, I went over to the general reference section. I also had 3 or 4 books in my hand there. Then I put them back.
Generally, I’m a sucker for books filled with useless information in short bursts. I like to read before I go to bed, and I generally find it hard to put down something that has a continuous story.
Do Ants Have Assholes?: And 106 of the World’s Other Most Important Questions is one that is definitely in my mental checklist of books to grab on one of the next few trips.
I finally wt back to humor & picked up The Year of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs. I’ve had it in my hand before, but I’ve always put it back. My friend Joel visited while we were at camp and actually recommended that I get my hands on this one.
Boy, am I glad that I got this one. I’m not too far in, but so far the imagery that Jacobs puts forth surrounding his quest (or struggle?) is hilarious. I have a feeling that not only is the book going to get even more funny, but I think there will be a warm-fuzzy feeling at the end. Ha ha.
Everyone – family, friends, co-workers – had the same concern: That I’d go native. That I’d end up as a beekeeper at a monastery or I’d move into my ex-uncle Gil’s spare room in his Jerusalem apartment.
In a sense, they were right to worry. You can’t immerse yourself in religion for 12 months and emerge unaffected. At least I couldn’t. Put it this way: If my former self and my current self met for coffee, they’d get along okay, but they’d both probably walk out of the Starbucks shaking their heads and saying to themselves, “That guy is kinda delusional.”
As someone who was brought up in church, but who also appreciates things like logic… this book really hit home with me. Around Jr. high, I started driving some more straight-laced ministers insane with questions. Not long after that, I found the ones with a healthy sense of humor and realism that helped me see where religion can fit into an everyday normal existence without being overbearing or ridiculous.
A.J. comes at the subject as an agnostic but with a healthy respect for the process. He recognizes the good in religion along with the insanity. He points out the insanity and makes it humorous without mocking. That has got to be a difficult thing to do.
His visits with an Amish family, and we learn that some Amish have deadpan humor down to a science. He has an Orthodox Jewish clothing fiber inspector come to his house to make sure that his clothing isn’t made of mixed fibers. (Yeah, that’s actually in the bible.) I’m anxious to see who we visit next.
I can’t wait to finish this book, and already recommend it to anyone who has ever wondered about all those crazy rules… or all those crazy Christians/Jews/[Insert religion here]. I’m definitely going to pick up Know it All soon too.
Papal Participation in Lenten Lunacy
A while ago, I decided to write a goofy letter to the Pope about shellfish & Lent. It was surprisingly very easy to find the Pope’s email address online. I wrote an email, and again got some editing/revision help from Dave, and sent it off to the Pontiff himself. Here’s that email…
from ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
to benedictxvi@vatican.va
subject My struggles with Lent & dietary concerns…
mailed-by gmail.comGood Day Your Holiness,
I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it is to find your email address with a quick Google search! I find it fascinating as well as endearing that you make yourself so accessible to the world, and embrace this new technology. I’m not sure if this is monitored and directed by yourself, or your trusted staff, but either way… I salute your effort. Also, I’m not sure if this would need to go through translators, or not. Perhaps I should use Google translator and post the results after my message in English?
I’m sure you are quite a busy man, especially in preparation for the upcoming Easter holiday, so I will try to make my point as succinctly as possible.
I would like to express my frustrations with the Lent season and the proliferation of seafood specials on Fridays at nearly every restaurant where I would otherwise be happy to dine. You see, I have a severe shellfish allergy, this makes dining out an adventure under normal circumstances. During Lent, restaurants that normally have minimal or no shellfish selections seem to produce them out of nowhere. This really hampers my ability to dine out comfortably, if at all.
With any cross-contamination, I can go into anaphylactic shock almost immediately. This means if I have a steak or piece of chicken that touches a grill where some lobster was just cooked, or if I have onion rings from the same fryer that was also cooking shrimp; I would begin the process with an internal itching/burning sensation in my Eustachian tube and rapidly closing bronchi.
I would like to ask if you could perhaps add shellfish (and possibly even regular fish) to the list of recommendations of things that one ought to give up in observation of lent. They are part of the “big 8” allergens in the world today. It would really help out a lot of followers & non-followers out there, being able to dine during the Lenten season in complete comfort! I figured that as the Pope, you’re in the best position to propose and act upon a movement of such magnitude.
You might even be able to offer up an explanation at why people have been eating fish for the lent season for so long, now that it’s no longer really an inconvenience. This would be in line with your call to return to stricter Christian values, no? Perhaps it would dispel the rumors that the Catholic Church of yore was in league with a local fishmonger and pushed fish on lent solely (pun intended – would that pun translate well into German? See, “sole” is a type of fish, and is also the root word to “solely” meaning singular…) to raise profits for the fishmonger, who in turn would up the amount of his tithe to the church. I can only assume that this is a rumor, as I find different versions of the tale on the internet, and no real concrete evidence to back any of the allegations.
I’m not Catholic myself, but am a Protestant (United Church of Christ, more specifically). I would say that in recent times we’re “on the same team” though, wouldn’t you agree? Perhaps Peter didn’t intend to include shellfish when he repealed the laws of clean and unclean animals put forth in Leviticus? Perhaps something was lost in translation?
I have one final idea. For Lent, all devout Christians ought to revert to a strict kosher diet. This would certainly strengthen ties with our Jewish friends and put more emphasis on the kind of Passover meal that Jesus would have had with his disciples at the last supper. I would think that this is wholly appropriate for this time of year, and it certainly helps me with my dining problem. Perhaps I ought to just convert and stick to kosher delis and grocery stores? Ha ha ha.
I would like to thank you for your time, and truly cannot wait to hear your thoughts on the subject at hand. I also look forward to a possible continued dialog about faith, shellfish, and allergies.
Humbly,
-EricGoogle translation:
Guten Tag Eure Heiligkeit,
Ich war angenehm überrascht, wie einfach es ist, Ihre E-Mail-Adresse mit einem schnelle Google-Suche finden! Ich finde es faszinierend wie liebenswert, dass Sie sich so der Welt zugänglich zu machen, und die neue Technologie. Ich bin mir nicht sicher, ob dies überwacht wird und von Ihnen selbst gerichtet, oder Ihren Mitarbeitern vertrauen, aber so oder so … Ich begrüße Ihre Bemühungen. Also, ich bin nicht sicher, ob diese müssten durch Übersetzer, oder nicht. Vielleicht sollte ich Google-Übersetzer zu wenden, und nach den Ergebnissen nach meiner Nachricht in Englisch?
Ich bin sicher, Sie haben völlig ein viel beschäftigter Mann, vor allem im Hinblick auf die bevorstehenden Osterferien, also werde ich versuchen, meinen Standpunkt ebenso knapp wie möglich zu machen.
Ich möchte meinen Frust mit der Fastenzeit und der Verbreitung von Meeresfrüchte-Spezialitäten am Freitag um fast jedem Restaurant, wo ich nicht anders ausdrücken würde sich freuen, zu speisen. Sehen Sie, ich einen schweren Schalentiere Allergie haben, das macht einem Dinner ein Abenteuer unter normalen Umständen. In der Fastenzeit, Restaurants, die normalerweise keine oder eine minimale Auswahl Muscheln scheinen zu ihrer Herstellung aus dem Nichts. Dies behindert wirklich meine Fähigkeit zu speisen sich behaglich, wenn überhaupt.
Mit eine Kreuzkontamination kann ich in einen anaphylaktischen Schock gehen fast sofort. Dies bedeutet, wenn ich ein Steak oder ein Stück Huhn berührt haben, dass ein Grill, wo einige Hummer nur gekocht wurde, oder wenn ich Zwiebelringe aus der gleichen Friteuse das war auch das Kochen Garnelen, ich würde den Prozess mit einem internen Juckreiz begin / Brennen in meiner Tuba und schnell schließen Bronchien.
Ich möchte fragen, ob Sie vielleicht könnten Muscheln (und möglicherweise sogar regelmäßig Fisch) in die Liste der Empfehlungen der Dinge, die man aufgeben, in der Beobachtung der Fastenzeit soll hinzuzufügen. Sie sind Teil der “Big 8” Allergene in der heutigen Welt. Es wäre wirklich sehr helfen, von Anhängern und nicht-Anhänger gibt, in der Lage, die während der Fastenzeit im kompletten Komfort zu speisen! Ich dachte, wie der Papst, Sie in der besten Position zu schlagen und die Reaktion auf eine Bewegung von solcher Tragweite sind.
Man könnte sogar in der Lage sein Angebot bis auf eine Erklärung, warum Menschen wurden Verzehr von Fisch für die Fastenzeit so lange, jetzt, da es nicht mehr wirklich ein Nachteil. Dies stünde im Einklang mit Ihren Anruf, um strengere christlichen Werte zurückgeben, nicht wahr? Vielleicht wäre es die Gerüchte, dass die katholische Kirche von einst wurde in der Liga mit einem örtlichen Fischhändler und schob Fisch auf nur geliehen (pun intended zerstreuen – wäre das Wortspiel auch ins Deutsche zu übersetzen? See, “allein” ist eine Art von Fisch, und ist auch die Wurzel Wort “ausschließlich” bedeutet Singular …), um Gewinne für die Fischhändler, der seinerseits würde die Höhe seiner Zehnten der Kirche zu erheben. Ich kann nur annehmen, dass dies ein Gerücht ist, wie ich verschiedene Versionen der Geschichte im Internet zu finden, und keine wirkliche konkrete Beweise vorzulegen, um die Behauptungen zurück.
Ich bin nicht katholisch mich, aber ich bin ein Protestant (United Church of Christ, genauer gesagt). Ich würde sagen, dass in der letzten Zeit sind wir “auf der gleichen Mannschaft” aber nicht würden Sie zustimmen? Vielleicht Peter hatte nicht vor, Schalentiere, wenn er aufgehoben den Gesetzen der reinen und unreinen Tieren setzte sich weiter in Levitikus enthalten? Vielleicht etwas in der Übersetzung verloren?
Ich habe noch eine letzte Idee. Für die Fastenzeit, die alle gläubigen Christen sollten eine strenge koschere Ernährung zurückzukehren. Dies würde sicherlich zur Stärkung der Beziehungen mit unseren jüdischen Freunden und legen mehr Gewicht auf die Art des Passah-Mahl, das Jesus mit seinen Jüngern beim letzten Abendmahl hätte. Ich würde denken, das ist ganz angemessen für diese Zeit des Jahres, und es sicherlich hilft mir bei meinem Esszimmer Problem. Vielleicht sollte ich erst konvertieren und halten Sie sich Feinkostläden und Lebensmittelgeschäften koscher? Ha ha ha.
Ich möchte Ihnen für Ihre Zeit danken und kann wirklich nicht warten, bis Sie Ihre Meinung zu diesem Thema an die Hand zu hören. Ich freue mich auch auf einen möglichen weiteren Dialog über den Glauben, Muscheln und Allergien.
Demütig
-Eric
Yes, that’s a crudely copy n’ pasted Google translation, and I have no idea if it made any sense at all in German. Judging by some of the bounce-backs that I received, it may have been stopped by some SPAM filters.
As expected, it went a couple of weeks without a response, so I looked up some other addresses at the Vatican, and for national & local Catholic organizations, and wrote this little forward to send to a bunch of them, along with the original email…
Hello Friends,
I recently sent an email to Pope Benedict XVI regarding some allergy concern issues that I have surrounding Lent, and possible modification of policies on the Church’s policy of not eating meat on Fridays.
I realize that the Pope is probably the busiest man in the world. He is the head of an organization that transcends many country, political, and cultural borders… and he has many important duties, most especially in this holy time of year.
I was wondering if you would perhaps be able to direct me to someone who would be better suited to open a dialogue about my concerns noted below?
Thank you for your time, and thank you in advance for your help!
-Eric
Finally, we have a response, and not surprisingly, it’s from someone at a local level…
from Gretz, Rev James R <jgretz@diopitt.org>
to world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
cc “Bielewicz, Vy Rev Harry R.” <hbielewicz@diopitt.org>,
“Wagner, Laura L” <lwagner@diopitt.org>
date Wed, Mar 10, 2010 at 1:15 PM
subject My struggles with Lent & dietary concerns…
mailed-by diopitt.orgEric,
Peace and greetings to you. Your letter sent to many in the Diocesan Offices eventually came to me as the Director of the Department for Worship. I will attempt to answer your concerns as best as possible.
It is wonderful that our Holy Father is accessible via the internet. He did recently challenge priests and the Church to better use electronic media for reaching out to people. Thus my email response to you!
While I am not in marketing, I do see the proliferation of restaurants attempting to make a profit with the “target audience” each Lenten Season. I guess that’s how business works. At the same time, I do sympathize with your allergy plight. Personally, I do not suffer with allergies, however, my late mother had one to lactose and it was very difficult to take her out to dinner. I know of others who suffer with “celiac-sprue” – the allergy to gluten and wheat products. That too is a horrible cross to bear. My mother and the others solved it by frequenting only the restaurants that would gladly serve their needs. I would suggest the same.
The discipline of abstinence, refraining from meat products, actually has an ancient history. I too know of the truly legendary stories of fishmongers and their unions, if you will! However, the discipline goes back to an extant document of the early Second Century known as the “Didache” or “The Lord’s Instruction to the Twelve Apostles”. You mentioned the kosher diet. So, yes, when we think of Jewish people, that dietary style comes to mind. That was the intent of the Didache. The early Church wanted to have their own dietary laws to make them distinctive as well, hence abstinence, especially on Friday, the day our Lord died for us, so that we too might suffer a little with Him. That is our mark on the world, if you will. I seem to recall that the US Conference of Catholic Bishops back in the 1990’s was discussing this discipline and perhaps returning it to all Fridays of the year. The objection was that since many are refraining from red meat in general and more people are vegans, what does abstinence mean to the modern world? Of course, the discipline remains for the Lenten Season, however, it is good to dream as to what the modern version of abstinence might be….
Which, then, leads me to your final thoughts about adopting the kosher diet for Lent. Actually, if all people really embraced the meaning of the Lenten Season – a time for conversion and returning to the Lord – we would definitely have a much better world.
If you have any additional questions, do not hesitate to contact me. Until then, I remain,
Sincerely yours in Christ,
Rev. James R. GretzRev. James R. Gretz, M.Div., M.T.S.
Director, Department for Worship
Diocesan Master of Ceremonies
Roman Catholic Diocese of Pittsburgh2900 Noblestown Rd.
Pittsburgh, PA 15205
voice: 412-456-3041
fax: 412-456-3163+++++++++++
Someone took this letter quite seriously! I wonder if I’ll hear from anyone else… and I’m wondering how to continue form this point on. It certainly is fun to see my W(aL)D insanity taken seriously. It is fun to know that I got a response. No offense intended here, but I always viewed the Catholic Church as a little “stuffy”. Maybe they’re mellowing out in this digital age?
World (and Lunar) Domination 