The kids have shown a commitment to their respective basketball teams over the years, so it was time for a significant upgrade in height and backboard size.

We bought a Spalding Ultimate Hybrid® 60″ Performance Acrylic Portable Basketball Hoop off of Amazon.

So, following is my review that should eventually go live on Amazon. I thought you may get a kick out of it.

🏀 This is a sturdy stylish basketball hoop. It is the described height and backboard size. The delivery was courteous and professional despite the dilapidated box. 🏀

That concludes the positive portion of my review. Putting this together was an exercise in patience & mental fortitude, and I failed. I mean, is it together now? Yes. Did it take much longer than it needed to? Yes. Am I, perhaps, just an idiot that can’t follow instructions? I doubt it, because every piece of furniture or children’s toy that I have purchased from the late 1900′ s to now has involved my dumb☆$$ assembling it. My resume includes, cabinets, beds, desks, dining room sets, shelves, dressers, Batcaves, a Kid Kraft Kitchen, doll furniture, the TMNT lair, Barbie’s dream house, and even an outdoor swingset treehouse thing. I have gotten pretty good. I even build LEGO as a hobby. I can follow instructions. I am quite familiar with my local Harbor Freight and Home Depot stores. I have some power tools and I know how to use them. 🔧🔨🪛🗜🚧

This manual had to have been written by someone that has never seen a basketball, a bolt, a screwdriver, or assembled anything. The frustration therein is compounded by the fact that the packaging was obtuse and the instructions at times were actually absurd.

I’m not even sure where to begin. Most furniture to be assembled has the packaging that directly labels the parts. Maybe stickers, maybe it’s stamped, maybe there is a cardboard backing to a pack numbering or lettering each bolt.

Here, we had none of that. They seemingly came in packs to facilitate the process, labeled 1B, 2B, 3B, etc. The book calls the packs Kit 2, Kit 2, Kit 3, etc. and of course the numbers do not correspond. The first bit that was maddening is that the #60 bolt from the first pack was one of the last bolts used. I found no discernable rhyme or reason to the contents relationship in packaging to each other at some points.

The backboard parts list shows an ¹¹/₆₄ drill bit. We’ll get to that in a bit (𝘱𝘶𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥).

The list of tools required did include sand, a garden hose, a sawhorse, a “scrap wood board,” and “2 capable adults.” While we won’t pause to question if the authors at Spalding were calling me and my wife tools, I will ask you to note the distinct lack of a drill in the tool list.

The first indication that this whole project was, as the young people say “shady AF,” was the fact that to assemble the main pole, I had to measure and mark 3½” down from the top of 2 of the 3 pieces. There was no pencil, chalk, crayon or Sharpie mentioned in the tool list. OK. I have a pencil & a tape measure. The next step was the head-scratcher. The actual instructions are to jam the tubes together and 𝗯𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 (on top of your scrap of wood) until they’re properly seated at the mark you hopefully measured correctly and marked, perhaps scratching with the drill bit?

I mean, this could have been made exponentially easier and fail-proof by maybe marking it at the factory, or having the joints fitted and maybe lock together with a pin or bolt? I mean, the Christmas tree people have had that figured out since what, the 50’s or 60’s?

Throughout the process, I was repeatedly measuring the bolts… because while it said things like #18 or #12, nothing on the bolt or packaging indicated that number.

After most of the assembly, it was time to attach to board pads/edge guards to the backboard. There were no holes in the frame around the backboard for this. Odd. They did, however, include self-tapping screws and suggested that you try to use a ⁵/₁₆” socket wrench to break though the metal frame. 🤣 Here is the first time a portable drill is mentioned. It doesn’t even note using the inexplicably included drill bit, that conveniently is the exact right size. I know I didn’t need to be Sherlock Holmes there, but I did manage to figure that one out.

The rest of the assemble went as expected. I did get a sawhorse/work bench thing out of the deal from Harbor Freight. I mean, it was in the list, so I 𝘩𝘢𝘥 to get it, right?

I will say I made a layman’s error in building that I had to rectify after the initial assembly. When I attached to lower elevator tubes to the backboard brackets, I neglected to be sure that I had went through the screw-jack, and only went through the sleeve. You can imagine my f̶i̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶l̶a̶u̶g̶h̶t̶e̶r̶ absolute fury at discovering my error. 🤬 This, my friends, was all on me.

At the end, I had to literally use a tape measure to check hoop height. It does indeed go above 10′. I suspect that you expect me to measure the heights of the hoop to match of all the provided poorly-screened stickers and place them neatly on the screw-jack to be displayed by the conveniently placed hole in the sleeve at each of the 6 suggested settings? For what I paid for the hoop… those increments should have been stamped into or printed on the screw jack already. This takes me back to the argument that there is probably a better way to build the main tube for more efficient assembly.

If you, dear potential purchaser, have stayed with me this long, then you are brave, resilient, persistent and you may just be a masochist. If you have read all of this and still add it to your cart without selecting professional assembly, then may whatever higher power you ascribe to have mercy on your soul.

I may even email the address in the manual, and try to reach out directly to Spalding somehow either via email or social media.

I don’t want or need anything, other than for them to re-think their entire process.

Oh well. I am off to play basketball, poorly.