Tag Archives: mashed potatoes

Mushroom Meatloaf Mayhem

Posted on by Standard Reply

If you want beef, then bring the ruckus! My mushroom meatloaf ain’t nothin’ to ████ with.

With the likely chance of repeating myself, I like to make meatloaf different all the time. I make “normal” ones often, and made a crazy breakfast one one time. I think I have even crushed up Cheese⟐Its or Doritos in lieu of breadcrumbs. I blame Chopped. I forgot that I made one VERY similar to this not too long ago. The blog post was kind of sus as I was using LLM as I cooked to keep track of what I was did in hopes of having a coherent recipe for a post, & had 4 of them pop out interpretations of my recipe. I put the examples there. That may be overwhelming. I’ll do all the writing for this one. I sort of half-plan and wing it with meatloaf. This time I wanted to do some mashed potatoes & acorn squash with it too… so I did.

Two freshly baked meatloaves topped with cream of mushroom soup and crispy fried onions, resting on a sheet pan.
Mushroom Meatloaf Mayhem

This was an absurd amount of meatloaf, but I like leftovers and I’ll probably freeze some for later too. This is what I bought or had on hand this time. Most of my ingredients nowadays come from Aldi, & we do get some stuff at Giant Total Eagle.

I used a lot of processed ingredients, so I didn’t add any salt… other than what was in the season salt. I forget if we have McCormick or the Aldi brand. Of course you could use fresh mushrooms like I did last time… but this is what struck me to use this time. Also, you can use any kind of cheese or meat you want. If you don’t like, mushrooms, or onions… I will say “Bean Soup” to you and you can find other meatloaf recipes where they’re not the focus. If you don’t like meat… I would be interested to hear your suggestions for substitutions here.

You know… if I put shredded green beans in this, and maybe bacon pieces… it would be green bean casserole meatloaf. 🤯

Here are all the parts to the meal, and what I did to bring it all together at the same time…

A collage showing the preparation of meatloaf, featuring sautéed onions and mushrooms, a mixture of ground beef with seasonings, a bowl of a creamy mixture, and slices of white bread laid out on a baking tray.
A split image featuring creamy brown gravy on the left and smooth mashed potatoes on the right, both prepared in mixing bowls.
A plate featuring a slice of meatloaf topped with brown gravy, accompanied by a serving of mashed potatoes also covered in gravy.
A serving of meatloaf topped with gravy, accompanied by a side of mashed potatoes on a white plate.
Baked acorn squash halves caramelized and arranged in a glass dish, featuring a slightly charred edge and a sweet, golden center.
A bowl containing roasted acorn squash, with a golden-brown exterior and a small pool of liquid inside.

The Mushroom Mayhem Meatloaf

Ingredients:

  • ½ stick unsalted butter (OK, maybe ¾)
  • A splash of EVOO.
  • A splash of milk.
  • ½ Spanish Onion
  • 1 cup French-fried onions.
  • 2 4-oz. cans of mushrooms
  • 2 10.5-oz. cans condensed cream of mushroom soup
  • 1½ cups panko breadcrumbs
  • 2 large eggs
  • 1 cup shredded Havarti cheese.
  • 2 tsp. jarred minced garlic (oh I know some of you hate it)
  • 4 lbs. ground beef (As it worked out I had exactly 4 lbs., 2.54 of 80/20 & 1.46 of 93/7.)
  • A1 (to taste)
  • Garlic Powder (to taste)
  • Onion Powder (to taste)
  • Seasoned Salt (like Morton’s Season All, Lawry’s, or Stonemill to taste)
  • Mrs. Dash’s Table Blend (to taste)
  • Black Pepper (to taste)
  • Ground Mustard (to taste)
  • Paprika (to taste)
  • 4 slices of cheap spongy white bread

Instructions:

  1. Preheat the oven to 375°.
  2. Drain & dice one can of mushrooms, dice the onion, and crunch up some of those french-fried onions to throw in there too.
  3. Hit the onion with garlic powder & onion powder.
  4. Melt some butter with a splash of EVOO on medium-high heat in a frying pan, then add the mushrooms & onions, sauté on medium-low for a while until the mushrooms are translucent & almost starting to caramelize. Toss in some of that minced garlic once it gets going. Set aside.
  5. Mix 1 can of the cream of mushroom soup, the breadcrumbs, about a ½ cup of the French fried onions, & 2 splashes of A1 in a bowl. (Would this count as a panade?)
  6. Whisk the eggs, the splash of milk, & all your spices in the bowl. Or use a fork. Be whimsical. Improvise.
  7. In a large mixing bowl, mix the ground beef, about ¾ of the sauteed mushrooms & onions, the sort-of panade, the egg mixture, about 1 cup of shredded Havarti, & another tsp. of that minced garlic. Mix it all up. (I started with a spoon spatula, then just used my hands.)
  8. Form the meatloaf into two loaves placed on top of the slices of white bread on a sheet pan. (You had that ready right? I mean, you read this all through before you started and knew you needed to have that ready before you got your hands all raw-meatloafy, right?)
  9. Sprinkle Seasoned Salt & whatever other spices you want on the top.
  10. Cover with foil, & put in the oven for about a ½ hour-ish? I cooked to temperature, not time. (The USDA says ground beef should hit 160° to prevent all kinds of potentially horrible things.)
  11. Mix together another can of condensed cream of mushroom soup, some more shredded Havarti, some French-fried onions, a small can of mushrooms, about half of what you have left of the sauteed onion/mushroom mix, & some A1 & spices.
  12. Open the oven, take the foil off, insert your thermometer probes, slather on the mixture, and slide it back in. Cook for about an additional hour. Maybe? (This is where I slid it to the side & popped in my golden acorn squash.)
  13. Take it out when it hits the 160°, let it rest for a bit, and have at it!

Notes:

  • I add whatever spices at each step as I go.
  • Of course, use fresh mushrooms or different onions, or whatever speaks to you.
  • Monitor your meatloaf, if cooling alone maybe do an hour covered, then uncover a bit, put in the probes, & slather the stuff on top later. I didn’t want to keep opening the oven.
  • I rarely measure when making stuff like this… these are suggestions at best.
  • I was originally going to make one long-ass loaf, but I decided on 2 smaller ones at the last minute. I should have put them side by side, not end to end.
  • Use a loaf pan or two if that’s your thing, or a glass baking dish, or whatever works for you. I like the freeform loaf on bread, it works for me. Just maybe don’t do feetloaf or faceloaf. Really, don’t do this.
  • I start with an empty dishwasher and just rinse & pop everything in there as I use it because I have a small kitchen.
  • You could rock out to Meatloaf while you make meatloaf. Or some Wu Tang.

Roasted Golden Acorn Squash

Ingredients:

  • 2 golden acorn squashes
  • 1 stick of butter
  • Paprika (to taste)
  • Onion Powder (to taste)
  • Brown Sugar (to taste)

Recipe:

  1. Your oven is already at 375° with the meatloaf above, right?
  2. Melt the butter, spices, & sugar in a microwave safe bowl.
  3. Cut the acorn squash in half with a sharp serrated knife from the stem to the tip on both sides, then pop it open.
  4. Scoop out the seeds & strings with a spoon.
  5. Score the insides with a cross-hatch pattern or whatever floats your boat.
  6. Put the 4 halves open side up in a glass baking dish in about ¼ of water.
  7. Try to evenly distribute the sugary melted butter in the centers, being sure to drizzle some on the top too. I used a small gravy ladle.
  8. Let it ride in the oven for about an hour or so, maybe an hour and 15 minutes. You want it to just slightly start to burn on the edges.

Notes:

  • If I was not sharing the oven with meatloaf, I probably would have put these in at 400° or 425°. I am here to tell you that recipes are merely suggestions and you are free to adapt on the fly and use your own free will.
  • Lots of recipes have you start acorn squash face down, then turn them over, do the hokey pokey & all that. I am here to tell you that you absolutely do not need to do all that. Save your time & energy for other meal prep or solving one of my mazes.
  • Use whatever spices or sweetener you like. I find maple syrup overpowering sometimes, but it is popular here. I actually in hindsight should have tried hot honey on one. It seems to be all the rage. Some cayenne would really work well here.
  • Instead of a cross-hatch pattern, you could make a face, carve a list of your enemies, or this.
  • Squashes sounds weird. Can squash itself be plural?

Nashed Tapaters N’ Gravy

This may be controversial. I like boxed instant mashed potatoes. They’re quick. I can control the consistency easily. They are a blank canvas upon which you can paint your flavorful dreams. On holidays? I am doing real potatoes. Typical dinner? Flakes are fine.

Mashed Potato Ingredients:

  • Boxed Mashed Potato Flakes
  • Milk
  • Butter
  • Beef Bouillon Cube
  • Shredded Havarti
  • Black Pepper (to taste)
  • White Pepper (to taste)
  • Mrs. Dash’s Table Blend (to taste)
  • Garlic Powder (to taste)
  • Onion Powder (to taste)

Mashed Potato “Recipe”:

  1. Make the potatoes according to the directions on the box. Their suggested serving sizes are a lie. Go big, or go home.
  2. I pop a beef bouillon cube or two in the water instead of the salt. It ties it in to the meatloaf nicely and adds salt & flavor.
  3. Stir in some shredded Havarti cheese at the end. Measure with your heart. Or your appendix. Whatever organ is speaking, just listen.
  4. Add some more butter.

Gravy Ingredients:

  • 1 brown gravy packet
  • 1 mushroom gravy packet
  • 1 4-oz. can of mushrooms
  • 1 10.5-oz. can condensed cream of mushroom soup
  • Some of those sauteed mushrooms & onions from waaay back up top
  • Black Pepper (to taste)
  • White Pepper (to taste)
  • Mrs. Dash’s Table Blend (to taste)
  • Garlic Powder (to taste)
  • Onion Powder (to taste)

Gravy “Recipe”:

  1. Mix the gravy packets both at once according to the directions on the pack… adding in your preferred spices.
  2. Once it is fully simmered & not clunky… pop the burner back up to medium and add in the soup, the canned mushrooms, and some of your sauteed onion & mushroom mix.
  3. Keep that going until it’s all heated through, you shouldn’t need to let it boil again. Let it rest a bit.

Notes:

  • I’m an anarchist when it comes to instant potatoes. Toss in buttermilk, sour cream, cheese, garlic… whatever you want. Use chicken stock or vegetable stock instead of water. I try to tie it in to the main dish.
  • You could make a gravy from scratch… but it’ll be almost the same stuff that’s in the packets. And, I wasn’t about to collect the drippings from the meatloaf to make a gravy like you would with a roast. 🤣

🍖🍄🧅🧀🥔

There you have it. What would you do differently? Have anything you picked up that you might try? What are your meatloaf go-to recipes, tips, & tricks? Have any other meatloaf styles, or do you do it straight-up old school ketchup glaze? Most importantly, what are you rocking out to as you make meatloaf?

Mushroom-Swiss Meatloaf Dinner

Posted on by Standard 1

I was hungry for meatloaf. I typically just wing it. Sometimes it’s the classic ketchup/mustard/BBQ (or A1) glaze. Sometimes there’s cheese. Sometimes it’s breadcrumbs. Sometimes it’s chunks of bread soaked in milk. Sometimes there’s shredded veggies like carrots or zucchini. Sometimes there’s hardboiled eggs inside & it’s wrapped in bacon. One time I made it in a crock pot just because someone said you shouldn’t, and meatloaf on the smoker is absolutely a win.

This was a win with the wife & kids, so I;’ll definitely be making it again!

I guess I like leftover meatloaf sandwiches enough to post about it on Threads not just once, but twice.

Mushroom, Onion, & Swiss/Gruyère Meatloaf
Mushroom, Onion, & Swiss/Gruyère Meatloaf, CHeesy Mashed Potatoes with mushroom & onion gravy & glazed carrots.

Tonight I had the idea to throw a bunch of stuff together, then tie it in to gravy & mashed potatoes. I could have sauteed onions & mushrooms, but this was quick easy weeknight dinner chaos. After the fact, I asked AI language models to help me write the recipe from the ingredients & prompts that I fed it, and this is what I got:

🍴

Gemini:

That’s fantastic! Thanks for the extra details—this sounds like a truly unique and delicious meatloaf. I’m especially impressed by the use of bread on the bottom to absorb grease and the beef bouillon in the mashed potatoes. Those are great pro tips!

Based on your ingredients and methods, here is a formatted recipe. Since you eyeballed a lot of the measurements, I’ve provided my best guess for the quantities. Feel free to adjust as you like for your blog post, since you’re the true master of this creation!

My “Crazy Good” Mushroom & Swiss Meatloaf Dinner

This recipe takes classic meatloaf and elevates it with a secret ingredient—a creamy mushroom sauce that’s mixed into the meat and used as a savory glaze. Served with cheesy mashed potatoes and a mushroom-loaded gravy, this is the ultimate comfort food meal.

Ingredients

For the Meatloaf:

  • 2 lbs. ground beef
  • 1 lb. lean ground beef
  • ½ cup panko bread crumbs
  • ½ cup regular bread crumbs
  • 1 cup crushed French fried onions
  • 1⁄3 can (10.5 oz.) condensed cream of mushroom soup
  • ½ can (4 oz.)) mushrooms, stems & pieces, finely diced
  • ¼ cup shredded Swiss & Gruyère cheese blend
  • 3 to 4 glugs of A1 steak sauce
  • 1 tbsp. Mrs. Dash Table Blend seasoning
  • 1 tsp. ground mustard
  • 1 tsp. black pepper
  • 1 tsp. onion powder
  • 1 tsp. garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. seasoned salt
  • 3 slices of white bread (for placing under the loaf)

For the Mushroom Glaze:

  • The remainder of the can of condensed cream of mushroom soup
  • 3 to 4 glugs of A1 steak sauce
  • ½ cup shredded Swiss & Gruyère cheese blend
  • The remainder of the can of mushrooms, stems & pieces
  • ½ cup whole French fried onions

Instructions

  1. Preheat your oven to 375°F (190°C).
  2. On a sheet pan, arrange the three slices of white bread in a row. These will absorb the grease from the meatloaf.
  3. In a large bowl, combine the ground beef, lean ground beef, panko and regular bread crumbs, crushed French fried onions, cream of mushroom soup, diced mushrooms, shredded cheese, and A1 steak sauce.
  4. Add the Mrs. Dash, ground mustard, black pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, and seasoned salt. Using your hands, mix all ingredients thoroughly until just combined. Be careful not to overmix.
  5. Form the meat mixture into a loaf shape and place it on top of the three slices of white bread on the sheet pan.
  6. Bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes, or until the internal temperature reaches 160°F (71°C) with a meat thermometer.
  7. While the meatloaf is baking, prepare the glaze by mixing the remaining cream of mushroom soup, A1 steak sauce, cheese, and mushrooms in a small bowl.
  8. After 1 hour and 15 minutes, remove the meatloaf from the oven. Spread the prepared glaze evenly over the top, then sprinkle the whole French fried onions on top.
  9. Return the meatloaf to the oven for another 15 minutes, or until the glaze is bubbly and the onions are golden brown. Let rest for a few minutes before slicing and serving.

Suggested Sides

Cheesy Mashed Potatoes

Prepare a box of instant mashed potatoes according to the package directions. For a savory twist, use a beef bouillon cube in place of salt. Add buttermilk along with the milk, and season with black pepper, onion powder, and garlic powder. Stir in shredded cheese until it melts.

Mushroom Gravy

Prepare a packet of brown gravy mix. Once finished, stir in a can of cream of mushroom soup, a can of mushrooms, and a handful of crushed French fried onions.

Sweet Paprika Carrots

Cook canned carrots with a bit of butter, a pinch of brown sugar, and a dash of paprika until heated through.

Your dinner sounds incredible! Would you like me to draft a more detailed blog post introduction or a full recipe card for you, or do you have enough to get started?

🍴

ChatGPT:

That sounds like a seriously comfort-food feast — meatloaf, cheesy potatoes, mushroom-onion gravy, and sweet carrots. Perfect blog material. I can help you format this into a clean recipe write-up, with estimated amounts for the “eyeballed” parts so it’s easy to follow but still keeps your personal style.

Here’s a draft you could paste into WordPress and tweak to taste:

Crazy Good Meatloaf Dinner 🍽️

This is one of those meals where everything came together just right — a loaded, flavorful meatloaf with a cheesy mushroom glaze, creamy mashed potatoes, savory gravy, and sweet carrots on the side.

Meatloaf

Ingredients

  • 2 lbs ground beef
  • 1 lb lean ground beef
  • ¾ cup panko bread crumbs
  • ½ cup regular bread crumbs
  • ½ cup crushed French fried onions (plus more for topping)
  • 1 can (10.5 oz) cream of mushroom soup (divided)
  • 1 small can mushrooms, stems & pieces or sliced (divided, finely dice half)
  • 1 cup shredded Swiss & Gruyère cheese (divided)
  • 2–3 Tbsp A1 steak sauce (plus more for glaze)
  • 1 tsp Mrs. Dash Table Blend
  • ½ tsp ground mustard
  • 1 tsp black pepper
  • 1 tsp onion powder
  • 1 tsp garlic powder
  • 1 tsp season salt
  • 3 slices white bread (to go under the loaf, absorbs grease)

Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 375°F. Line a sheet pan with foil and place the 3 slices of white bread in the center.
  2. In a large bowl, combine:
    • Ground beefs
    • ⅓ of the mushroom soup
    • ½ the can of mushrooms (finely diced)
    • A couple glugs of A1
    • About ½ cup shredded cheese
    • Bread crumbs, crushed fried onions, and all seasonings
      Mix gently until just combined.
  3. Form mixture into a loaf on top of the bread slices.
  4. Bake uncovered for 1 hour 15 minutes.
  5. Meanwhile, make the glaze: Mix remaining mushroom soup, the rest of the mushrooms, a splash more A1, and ½ cup shredded cheese.
  6. Spread glaze over meatloaf, top with more French fried onions, and return to oven for 15 minutes.
  7. Check with a thermometer — internal temp should be 160°F.

Cheesy Mashed Potatoes

Ingredients

  • 1 box instant mashed potatoes
  • 1 beef bouillon cube (use in the water instead of salt)
  • ½ cup shredded cheese
  • 2–3 Tbsp buttermilk (in addition to milk called for)
  • Black pepper, onion powder, garlic powder (to taste)

Instructions

  1. Prepare potatoes according to box, replacing salt with beef bouillon.
  2. Stir in cheese, buttermilk, and seasonings.

Mushroom-Onion Gravy

Ingredients

  • 1 packet brown gravy mix (prepared according to directions)
  • 1 can cream of mushroom soup
  • 1 can mushrooms
  • ¼ cup crushed French fried onions

Instructions

  1. Prepare gravy mix.
  2. Stir in mushroom soup, mushrooms, and fried onions. Simmer until thick and rich.

Brown Sugar Carrots

Ingredients

  • 1 can sliced carrots (drained)
  • 1 Tbsp butter
  • 1 tsp brown sugar
  • ½ tsp paprika

Instructions

  1. Warm carrots in a pan with butter.
  2. Add brown sugar and paprika, stir until glazed.

🔥 Plate it up: thick slices of meatloaf with mushroom glaze, a scoop of cheesy mashed potatoes covered in gravy, and sweet carrots on the side.

Do you want me to make the recipe section blog-ready with your voice (like you did with your pretzel blob post — casual, funny, irreverent), or do you prefer the cleaner, “recipe card” format for this one?

🍴

Perplexity:

Perfect — what a feast! Let’s capture your meatloaf dinner in a polished, blog-ready recipe format. I’ll give you a structured version of your meatloaf (with estimated measurements based on typical ratios), plus your mashed potatoes, gravy, and carrots as sides. You can edit the amounts if you think they’re too light or heavy compared to what you actually eyeballed.

🍽️ Mushroom-Swiss Meatloaf Dinner

This hearty meatloaf dinner is rich with beef, mushrooms, Swiss and Gruyère, and topped with a savory mushroom glaze and crispy onions. A full comfort food plate with cheesy mashed potatoes, mushroom gravy, and buttery carrots.

Meatloaf

Ingredients

  • 2 lbs ground beef (80/20 works well)
  • 1 lb lean ground beef
  • ¾ cup panko breadcrumbs
  • ¼ cup regular breadcrumbs
  • ½ cup crushed French fried onions
  • ⅓ can (about 10 oz can) cream of mushroom soup (approx. ⅓ cup)
  • ½ can mushroom stems & pieces (approx. ½ cup, chopped finely)
  • ½ cup shredded Swiss & Gruyère cheese blend
  • 2–3 tablespoons A1 steak sauce (a few glugs)
  • 1 teaspoon Mrs. Dash Table Blend (or more to taste)
  • 1 teaspoon ground mustard
  • ½ teaspoon black pepper
  • 1 teaspoon onion powder
  • 1 teaspoon garlic powder
  • 1 teaspoon seasoned salt
  • 3 slices white bread (to set loaf on while baking; absorbs grease)

Mushroom Glaze

  • Remaining cream of mushroom soup (~⅔ cup)
  • Remaining ½ can mushrooms (~½ cup, sliced)
  • ¼–½ cup shredded Swiss & Gruyère cheese
  • 1–2 tablespoons A1 sauce
  • Handful of French fried onions (for topping)

Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 375°F. Line a baking sheet with foil and place the 3 slices of bread in the center (to act as a base for the meatloaf).
  2. Mix the meatloaf: In a large bowl, combine ground beefs, breadcrumbs, crushed onions, mushroom soup (⅓ can), mushrooms (½ can, diced), shredded cheese (½ cup), A1, and seasonings. Mix until just combined — don’t overwork.
  3. Form the loaf on top of the bread slices.
  4. Bake for 1 hour 15 minutes, until nearly cooked through. Internal temp should be around 150°F.
  5. Make the glaze: Stir together mushroom soup (remaining ⅔ can), mushrooms (remaining ½ can), cheese, and A1. Spread evenly over meatloaf, then top with French fried onions.
  6. Return to oven for 15 minutes more, until internal temp reaches 160°F and glaze is bubbling.
  7. Rest 10 minutes before slicing.

Cheesy Buttermilk Mashed Potatoes

Ingredients

  • 1 box instant mashed potatoes (prepared according to package)
  • 1 beef bouillon cube (used in place of salt in boiling water)
  • ½ cup shredded cheese (cheddar, Swiss, or blend)
  • ½ cup milk + splash of buttermilk
  • ½ teaspoon black pepper
  • ½ teaspoon onion powder
  • ½ teaspoon garlic powder

Instructions

  1. Prepare boxed mashed potatoes, dissolving beef bouillon in water before adding potato flakes.
  2. Stir in cheese, milk, and buttermilk.
  3. Season with pepper, onion powder, and garlic powder to taste.

Mushroom-Onion Brown Gravy

Ingredients

  • 1 packet brown gravy mix (prepared according to package)
  • 1 can cream of mushroom soup
  • 1 can mushroom stems & pieces, drained
  • ½ cup French fried onions, crumbled

Instructions

  1. Cook gravy mix as directed.
  2. Stir in mushroom soup, mushrooms, and fried onions. Simmer until hot and thickened.

Candied Butter Carrots

Ingredients

  • 1 can carrots, drained
  • 1 tablespoon butter
  • 1 tablespoon brown sugar
  • ½ teaspoon paprika

Instructions

  1. Heat carrots in a skillet with butter.
  2. Stir in brown sugar and paprika.
  3. Cook until glazed and heated through.

✅ Serving suggestion: Plate a hearty slice of meatloaf with a scoop of mashed potatoes topped with mushroom gravy, and a helping of sweet carrots on the side. Don’t forget extra crispy onions on top for crunch!

Would you like me to keep the recipe in a conversational, cozy “blogger” style (like a story around the dinner), or a sleek cookbook style (straight to the recipe)?

🍴

Copilot:

Absolutely, Eric—this meatloaf sounds like a punk rock symphony in casserole form. Let’s immortalize it with a blog-ready recipe that captures the chaos, comfort, and culinary swagger. I’ll format it with clear sections, estimated measurements, and your signature storytelling flair.

🧠 Eric’s “Dad Shit Deluxe” Meatloaf Dinner

A meatloaf so good it deserves its own zine spread.

🍖 Meatloaf Ingredients

  • 2 lbs ground beef
  • 1 lb lean ground beef
  • ½ cup panko breadcrumbs
  • ½ cup regular breadcrumbs
  • ½ cup crushed french fried onions
  • ⅓ can (about 4–5 tbsp) cream of mushroom soup
  • ½ can mushroom stems & pieces, finely diced
  • 1–2 glugs A1 steak sauce (about 2 tbsp)
  • ½ cup shredded Swiss & Gruyère cheese
  • 3 slices white bread (for under the loaf)

🧂 Seasonings (eyeballed, but here’s a guess)

  • 1 tsp Mrs. Dash Table Blend
  • ½ tsp ground mustard
  • ½ tsp black pepper
  • ½ tsp onion powder
  • ½ tsp garlic powder
  • ½ tsp seasoned salt

🧪 Glaze Ingredients

  • Remaining cream of mushroom soup (~⅔ can)
  • Remaining mushrooms (~½ can), roughly chopped
  • 1–2 more glugs A1 steak sauce
  • ¼ cup shredded Swiss & Gruyère
  • Handful of whole french fried onions (for topping)

🔥 Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 375°F.
  2. Form the loaf: Mix all meatloaf ingredients (except the white bread) in a large bowl. Shape into a loaf and place it directly on top of the 3 slices of white bread on a sheet pan. The bread will soak up grease and prevent burning.
  3. Bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes.
  4. Make the glaze: Combine remaining mushroom soup, mushrooms, A1, and cheese.
  5. Top and finish: Spread glaze over the meatloaf, sprinkle with whole french fried onions, and return to oven for another 15 minutes.
  6. Check internal temp: Use a meat thermometer to ensure it hits 160°F.

🥔 Sides That Slap

🧀 Beefed-Up Instant Mashed Potatoes

  • 1 box instant mashed potatoes
  • 1 beef bouillon cube (in water instead of salt)
  • ½ cup shredded cheese
  • ¼ cup buttermilk
  • ½ tsp each: black pepper, onion powder, garlic powder

Mix per box instructions, swapping salt for bouillon cube. Add cheese, buttermilk, and seasonings. Stir until creamy and punk-approved.

🍄 Mushroom Gravy Hack

  • 1 packet brown gravy mix
  • 1 can cream of mushroom soup
  • 1 can mushrooms
  • ¼ cup crumbled french fried onions

Prepare gravy mix as directed. Stir in soup, mushrooms, and onions. Simmer until thick and glorious.

🥕 Sweet & Smoky Carrots

  • 1 can sliced carrots
  • 1 tbsp butter
  • 1 tbsp brown sugar
  • ¼ tsp paprika

Heat carrots with butter, sugar, and paprika until glossy and tender. Serve with attitude.

Want to add a zine-style intro or a playlist pairing for the blog post? I’m ready to riff.

🐄🧀🍄🥔🥕

Somewhere in there, there’s a tight recipe. Again, I didn’t measure anything, I just dumped. I tried to use common ingredients. Maybe I’ll make it different next time. This was really good though, so I may stick to it.

Not sure why they are all eager to write blogs for me. I mean. It’s helpful and all, but nah. This is my creative outlet. Or, one of them anyway. You should buy a maze book or some T-shirts. My Tee Public stuff is on sale right now.

Do you use any AI language models for anything? Do you ever ask them for assistance combining recipes or for cooking? I wonder if one of them would be better at combining all these than the others? I can’t decide which model did the best job.

On to the meatloaf… What tips & tricks do you have? I always to the bread one. Hit me up in the comments or on social media.

New Year’s Day Pork & Sauerkraut II

Posted on by Standard Reply

I came to blog my recipe then through a search, discovered I posted one last year! That was in the roasting pan though, and it was a pork loin rib half. This year, I put a pork shoulder roast in the crock pot… and made some dumplings 2 ways to go with it!

Crock Pot Pork n' Sauerkraut with dumplings for New Year's Day!
Crock Pot Pork n’ Sauerkraut with dumplings for New Year’s Day!

Ingredients:

  • 6 lb. pork shoulder roast 
  • 2 bags of sauerkraut (Beware, “Bavarian style” is a secret code meaning it has caraway seeds & tastes like royal ass. Unless you like caraway seeds or royal ass. I avoid it for diverticulitis reasons anyway.)
  • 1 bottle of beer. I used Straub Amber again this year, but I also like to use Yuengling Traditional Lager. (You could also use Penn Pilsner, Stoney’s, Shiner Bock, or Smithwick’s Red Ale… Don’t be ruining it with Budweiser, Coors or Iron City.)
  • Apple Juice (Maybe ½ cup?)
  • 2 Apples (I like Golden Crisp or Honey Crisp)
  • 1 Spanish Onion (Or a sweet or yellow onion or whatever you like.)
  • ½ teaspoon-ish Minced Garlic
  • Salt (or Season All / Seasoned Salt)
  • Pepper
  • Onion Powder
  • Garlic Powder
  • Paprika
  • Mustard Powder
  • Brown Sugar (Maybe ¼ cup?)
  • Pillsbury Grands Biscuit Dough

Instructions:

  1. Drain & rinse the sauerkraut, unless you’re into clearing the pluming from the top down.
  2. Slice the apples & onions then place them on the bottom of the slow cooker/crock pot, add that beer & apple juice. Add some spices.
  3. Put the roast in, fat side up. Add some spices.
  4. Cover it with the rinsed sauerkraut. Add some spices.
  5. Add that brown sugar sprinkled all over the top, Add some more spices.
  6. I put it on low for 8 hours & it was over-cooked & falling apart, but in a good way.
  7. Cook it to 145° F according to the FDA, 160° according to my thermometer with the numbers beside the pig icon, or 203° if you want it to fall apart.
  8. Cut up 4 of the Pillsbury biscuits into 4 pieces each, pop ’em into the crock pot on the last half hour. I sealed the inside of the lid with foil at that point because I read you should do that online. (Don’t burn yourself!)
  9. Let it rest a bit when you pull it out. That’s just good life advice in general.

I cooked the other 4 biscuits, also cut into 4’s, in my stock pot: 

  1. I tossed some beer, water, apple juice, & ham bullion into my stock pot, then brought it to a boil.
  2. I dropped in the dumpling pieces, and brought it down to a simmer. That’s about a 2 on my stovetop dial.
  3. I boiled for 10 minutes with the lid off, then for 10 minutes with the lid on.

Tips:

  • Damnit, I forgot to do this part: Sear the pork roast on all sides. I used a large fork to control it along with some tongs. I used a hot pan with a tiny bit of extra virgin olive oil & a pat of butter. You just want to sear the outsides, not cook the meat. I did add a bit of seasonings first.
  • I put onion powder on the apple slices and garlic powder on the onion slices… because why not? Does anyone else do stuff this?
  • You could try to roast it.
  • I liked the dumplings from the crock pot more than the ones from the stock pot. they were more fluffy/biscuity and less… wet. They both tasted pretty good & were certainly edible though.
Pork & Sauerkraut
Pork & Sauerkraut
Pork, Sauerkraut, Apples, Onions, & Dumplings
Pork, Sauerkraut, Apples, Onions, & Dumplings
Dumplings cooking in the stock pot.
Dumplings cooking in the stock pot.
Dumplings cooking in the crock pot.
Dumplings cooking in the crock pot.
Stock pot dumplings on the left, crock pot dumplings on the right.
Stock pot dumplings on the left, crock pot dumplings on the right.

What are your New Year’s traditions and recipes? Did you see my New Year’s appetizers? I’ll take any & all tips on dumplings! I haven’t had luck with the Bisquick variety and I never tried scratch.

Thanksgiving Dinner! – The Recipes.

Posted on by Standard 3

I love to put together a holiday meal, especially thanksgiving. I have it down pretty good to corral the chaos.

Turkey in the electric roaster!
Turkey in the electric roaster!
Thanksgiving Dinner Plate!
Thanksgiving Dinner Plate!

First prepping the turkey & stuffing…

I do the bird in the electric roaster, stuffed, for 15-ish minutes per lb. @ 325° Farenheit. I roasted in the preheated pan on full for about 45 minutes at the start before turning it down. I inject the turkey in a few sports with a mixture of melted beer, butter, & spices. I usually rub some softened butter on top and toss on lots of seasoning there too. I usually pour a bottle of beer and a box of turkey broth in the bottom, & include some carrots, celery, & an onion.

Don’t worry about samonella with a stuffed bird. Take it to 165°. Always use a food thermometer. Some of the dark meat of the turkey will be overcooked but it will still be juicy & delicious. I haven’t killed anyone with my turkey yet.

The extra stuffing can be made into stuffing balls, but I put it in the crock pot. You just have to stir it, & maybe add extra turkey or chicken broth if needed or it will stick to the sides a lil’ burnt.

Do the math, & time it so you’re pulling the turkey out about a half an hour before you want to serve it.

Then I make the sides. Check out my recipes!

I cut up the butternut squash first, & put it in the fridge for when I needed it.

I peeled & quartered the potatoes, let them sit in cold water (& turkey broth).

Cut up & prep the brussels sprouts & carrots, you want to pop them in about 45 min before you plan to eat.

Prep the squash & put it in right after the brussels sprouts.

Turn on the potatoes, by the time they cook & you do your thing… it the other stuff should be ready to go.

Others brought even more sides… cranberry sauce, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, deviled eggs, & rolls!

If I make green bean casserole, I pretty much use the Campbell’s recipe or French’s Fried Onions recipe… sometimes with an added can of mushrooms, fresh green beans, & maybe even some bacon pieces or ham.

If I cook with beer it’s either Yuengling Traditional Lager or Straub Amber.

For the gravy, I just use pan drippings broth from the turkey, and eyeball together a slurry of corn starch, add it, & some more spices if needed.

Someday I am going to brine a turkey with a buttermilk brine & cook it on the smoker, but… not for Thanksgiving. Well, not the first time anyway.

I like to keep the oven open for sides, & any brought sides or pies that may need warmed up.

Thanksgiving Sides! Brussels Sprouts & Rainbow Carrots, Butternut Squash, Mashed Yukon Gold Potatoes, & Stuffing!
Thanksgiving Sides! Brussels Sprouts & Rainbow Carrots, Butternut Squash, Mashed Yukon Gold Potatoes, & Stuffing!

What are your Thanksgiving or other holiday meal prep tips, go-to’s, methods, or favorite recipes?

🦃 Don’t forget these free Thanksgiving Mazes! 🦃

Mashed Potatoes Recipe

Posted on by Standard 1

Putting my thanksgiving recipe here… which is more of a method I guess.

A bowl of homemade mashed potatoes, with some pats of butter on top.
We ran out of bowls, so it’s in a pie plate.

Here I keep it super simple.

Gather it:

  • 5 lb. bag of Yukon Gold Potatoes
  • 1 Stick Butter
  • 1 cup of Buttermilk
  • 8 oz. Sour Cream
  • 32 ox. box of turkey broth.
  • Garlic Powder, Onion Powder, White Pepper, Salt to taste

Do it:

  1. Peel the potatoes, don’t be afraid to leave a bit of skin.
  2. Quarter them, place them in your stock pot in the turkey broth with some salt and cover the potatoes with cold water.
  3. Maybe toss in a pat of butter and some spices.
  4. Bring the pot to a boil on high with the lid on, take the lid off and crank it down to medium for 20 minutes.
  5. Turn the burner off, strain the potatoes, but the pot with the potatoes back on the warm burner.
  6. Add your spices to taste.
  7. Start to mash ’em, add the buttermilk, sour cream, & butter.
  8. Don’t mash ’em too much. I like them thick enough to build a tower like in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Some lumps are OK.

Tips:

  • I don’t actually measure the buttermilk & sour cream. Just do it by feel. Of course you can use regular milk, heavy cream, or a non-dairy milk.
  • Use good whole buttermilk, like Charlie’s Old Time Buttermilk by Turner’s.
  • Save a pat or two over butter for on top… or, just add MORE butter.
  • Of course you can just use water or chicken stock or bullion cubes or beer or whatever you want.
  • Add whatever spices you want too! I may have put some poultry seasoning in there. Sometimes I add cheese too.
  • I use a meat chopper instead of a traditional potato masher. I find it goes much smoother and is less of a mess.

I’d be interested to see how you do it. Got any tips or secrets for me? What are your favorite methods or add-ins? I also love a good boxed potato flake mixed extra thick and flavored-up, but get out of here with that runny Bob Evans microwavable slop!

Hot Turkey Sandwich Dinner (Quick Style!) 🦃

Posted on by Standard 1

I love a good hot sandwich smothered in gravy, be it roast beef, meatloaf, or turkey. I was in the mood for a turkey one like you’d get at a diner, and being a week night after work, wanted to put it together pretty quickly as I hadn’t thought ahead to use the crock pot.


Putting it here, so if I want it again I’ll remember what I did right & want to try it again. I may have to double the recipe when the kids are home. This fed two of us & left enough for me for lunch.

The Turkey:

  • 2 Breast Cutlets
  • 1 can of Yuengling Traditional Lager (Or Straub Amber, or Shiner Bock, or Smithwick’s, or Killian’s Irish Red. Pick a good beer.)
  • ⅔ cup carrot chips. (Yup, cheated & bought those in a bag too.)
  • 1 Spanish Onion, peeled & quartered.
  • 2 tsp. of minced garlic from a jar like a lazy person.
  • A bunch of your preferred spices. (I used, cracked pepper, poultry seasoning, sage, thyme, onion powder, garlic powder, paprika, Mrs. Dash’s table blend, and a bit of Season All.)
  1. Pre-heat the oven to 350°
  2. Put the turkey cutlets in a roasting pan, & pour the beer over them. Again, get good beer. No one wants you to cook with Coors or Budweiser or Mic Ultra.
  3. Toss in the onion & carrot.
  4. Add all the spices. When you think it’s too much, keep going.
  5. Stick in your meat thermometer probe that reads temperature while cooking.
  6. Pit the lid on, put it in the oven.
  7. I set the timer for 50 minutes, but it was done in a half hour or so. Cook to 165° internal temp & let it rest. I got distracted & took it to 170° and no one died, so don’t worry if it’s not precise.

The Veggies:

  • Bundle of Broccoli
  • Carrots from that bag you already opened.
  • Chicken Bullion Cube.
  • You still have those spices out, right?
  1. Eyeball some water into the pot, ad the bullion & spices.
  2. Chop that broccoli up and compost the stems or make those little fried things that looks delicious.
  3. Put the broccoli & carrots in the steamer thing that goes on top of the pot.
  4. Boil it for… I dunno. Not long. I like my broccoli bright green & crunchy. Bonus with the carrots being cut like this, they cook quickly too.

The ‘Taters:

  • They’re from a box. Follow the directions… sort of. I bought the store brand.
  • Use more butter than they call for.
  • Put a chicken bullion cube in the water instead of salt.
  • instead of lowfat milk, use ½ whole milk and ½ buttermilk. Add sour cream if you’re into complete and total anarchy.

The Gravy:

  • 2 jars of turkey gravy
  • roasting pan drippings
  • A bit of those carrots & onions.
  1. Heat the gravy on medium-high.
  2. Add pan drippings to taste
  3. Chop up the carrots & onions pretty small, & add them too.
  4. Cook it on medium until it thickens back up.

The Sandwich:

  • Texas Toast (Why do they call it that? it wasn’t toasted.)
  • That turkey, sliced after it has rested a bit.
  • That gravy.
  1. Put the bread on the plate, with some mashed potatoes beside it.
  2. Put the turkey on top.
  3. Add some gravy on top of everything.
  4. Put another piece of bread on the top. (Unless you want an open-faced sandwich.)
  5. Slather more gravy on that.
  6. Drink a shot of gravy.

Don’t forget to eat your vegetables so it’s a healthy meal. This is a quick week night dinner that tastes like it cooked all day.

Things I might try next time…

  • Toast the Texas Toast, or grill it up like grilled cheese or a patty melt?
  • Bacon pieces in the gravy.
  • Bacon on the sandwich.

Have any suggestions, tips, tricks, or secrets?

If you were a lunch lady in the 80’s and know how to make/where to get that greenish-yellow glow-in-the-dark colored school cafeteria gravy, hit me up in the comments! I am super nostalgic for that,

New Year’s Day Pork & Sauerkraut

Posted on by Standard 3

There are many traditions used to celebrate the new year. One we always did was have pork.

Roast Pork Loin Rib Half
Good Luck New Year’s Day Pork Roast AiXeLsyD13-style.

Generally, I cook it in the crock pot, but this year I tried it in the roasting pan in the oven. I’m posting my recipe/method here so I can refer back to it. Hopefully you might like it too, and you may want to check out my other recipes.

The pork after I seared it & placed it in the pan.
The seared pork before roasting.
The Sauerkraut after cooking with apples & onions, & adding brown sugar.
The cooked sauerkraut with apples & onions.
Hot dogs form the air fryer.
Air-fried hot dogs.
Paremesan/Butter steamed green beans, pork, mashed potatoes & sauerkraut, & a hot dog on a home made-ish roll with sauerkraut, shredded pork, & yellow mustard.
Steamed parmesan/garlic green beans, roasted pork, boxed mashed potatoes w/ sauerkraut, & an air-fried hot dog with shredded pork, sauerkraut, & yellow mustard.
The whole meal was pretty damn good if I do say so myself.

Ingredients:

  • 8 lb. pork loin (The one I got this year said “pork loin rib half”.)
  • 2 bags of sauerkraut (Beware, “Bavarian style” is a secret code meaning it has caraway seeds & tastes like royal ass. Unless you like caraway seeds or royal ass. I avoid it for diverticulitis reasons anyway.)
  • 1 bottle of beer. I used Straub Amber, but I also like to use Yuengling Traditional Lager. (You could also use Penn Pilsner, Stoney’s, Shiner Bock, or Smithwick’s Red Ale.)
  • Apple Juice (Maybe ½ cup?)
  • 2 Apples (I like Golden Crisp or Honey Crisp)
  • 1 Spanish Onion (Or a sweet or yellow onion or whatever you like.)
  • ½ teaspoon-ish Minced Garlic
  • Salt (or Season All / Seasoned Salt)
  • Pepper
  • Onion Powder
  • Garlic Powder
  • Paprika
  • Mustard Powder
  • Brown Sugar (Maybe ¼ cup?)

Instructions:

  1. Pre-heat the oven to 350°.
  2. Drain & rinse the sauerkraut, unless you’re in need of an intestinal cleanse.
  3. Sear the pork roast on all sides. I used a large fork to control it along with some tongs. I used a hot pan with a tiny bit of extra virgin olive oil & a pat of butter. You just want to sear the outsides, not cook the meat. I did add a bit of seasonings first.
  4. Pop it into your roasting pan. Add some of those spices to taste.
  5. slice the apples & onions then place them around the sides, cover it with the rinsed sauerkraut, bathe it with that glorious beer & apple juice.
  6. Put some more spices on the roast again because you just washed them off. Don’t measure them. Live dangerously.
  7. Put your food thermometer in, put the lid on, & pop it in the oven. You have a food thermometer right?
  8. Cook it to 145° F according to the FDA, 160° according to my thermometer with the numbers beside the pig icon, or 203° if you want it to fall apart.
  9. From what I read online it could be anywhere from 20 to 30 min per lb. Instead of popping it out & checking with an instant read, get a thermometer that can stay in.
  10. Let it rest a bit when you pull it out. That’s just good life advice in general.
  11. I mixed the brown sugar into the sauerkraut after I pulled the roast out. I didn’t measure. I read that was to prevent it caramelizing & burning too much… but I think it would have been fine in there the whole time.

Tips:

  • I put onion powder on the apple slices and garlic powder on the onion slices… because why not? Does anyone else do stuff this?
  • You could probably do this at 300° or 325° if you felt like it. Cook to temperature not time.
  • You could throw all this into the crock pot (if it will fit!), or go with a smaller roast to do the same. I’d guess low on 8 or 10 hours would do it. Again, that’s what I usually do. Maybe go half the bottle of beer & drink the other half for breakfast.
  • Thinking back, I think I put a half a bit of ham bullion (or better than bullion) in there too. I do that instead of salt sometimes.

What’s the deal with all the other not pork on that plate?

  • Steamed green beans with a bit of garlic, butter, & parmesan cheese.
  • Boxed mashed potatoes – I used buttermilk instead of milk. While nothing beats the real thing… I like the boxed potatoes because I like potatoes with a consistency that you could use to mortar bricks together, or build a structure like in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Those Bob Evans microwave potatoes might as well be potato soup. Also, buttermilk is the best.
  • I tried those hot dogs in the air fryer for the first time. I put slits in the top, then did 6 minutes at 400° and they were awesome. I did the bun for 2 minutes at 375° because I read some stupid blog, and that may have been to hot or too long. That should teach you a lesson about following recipes on a blog.
  • I served the hot dog on that bun (brushed with a little melted butter before air frying), with yellow mustard & some of the sauerkraut & pulled pork. I had one the next day & it was even better. That may be better than chili dogs!

I think the family liked it, or they pretended to. The 9yo liked the sauerkraut, the 7yo did not. Funny because the 7yo has been digging mushrooms and onions as of late, and he’s my dude that digs buttermilk. It may be a texture thing? I am weird about some textures.

Tell me about your pork recipes or new year’s traditions in the comments!

I always thought we were a bit German, but my Ancestry DNA test does not agree with that. We must have picked up the traditions from German or “Pennsylvania Dutch” friends & neighbors here in the region.

I’m glad this is not a tradition.

Also, if you like your sauerkraut without the brown sugar, I get that. If you like it with caraway seeds, I’m sorry your taste buds are broken.

If you line this recipe, you may like these:

How yinz make your chili? 🌶 [Chili à la AiXeLsyD “Recipes”] 🌶

Posted on by Standard 33

Yinz like chili?  I do.  I haven’t made any for a long time.  I may need to change that.  I stole this (& modified it) from my never-used Cookpendium blog.  My writing has hopefully improved since then.  Maybe not.  I like a tamer chili that would appeal to a wide variety of people to add heat as they like.  I like it thick enough to make a spoon stand.  I can take or leave the beans, and I reject your debatable elitist visions of chili or what it ought to be.

I ought to try and make a new batch using only stuff I buy at Aldi.

How do you make yours?

[Originally from a post at (the now defunct) PittsburghBeat.com, here’s a few consolidated chili recipe/methods…]

Recipe 1:

I’ve never made chili before, and in researching, I came across 50 billion recipes. So, this morning I made my own in the crock pot…

  • 2 cans of condensed tomato soup
  • 1 can of tomato paste
  • 1 packet of chili mix
  • about ½ cup of water
  • 1 tsp. of beef bullion
  • 1 can light red kidney beans
  • however much ground meat was leftover from last night
  • 1 tsp. cumin
  • 1 tsp. black pepper
  • a dash of cayenne pepper
  • a dash of paprika
  • a dash of garlic

…and I slapped it into the crock pot on low for 8 hours.

Hope it tastes good when I get home. I’ve got shredded cheddar cheese for the top of it, & Super-Pretzels to go along with it. They always served pretzels & chili in my elementary school cafeteria so they belong together in my warped mind.

Most of them use tomato paste, soup, sauce, juice, or diced tomatoes as a base… I even saw one that called for Spicy hot V8… and I think my mom always used soup. Tomato paste is usually bitter, so I figured the tomato soup would counteract it. All of the spices should be rockin’. I like my chili thick.

Oh yeah, about 1/2 the ground meat was cooked w/ some seasoning salt & A1.

Recipe 2:

Here’s what basically went into my chili. I’ll probably eventually make a blog about it with a narrative so I can remember what I did this time for next time… to see what I wanna change or what I wanna do again.

I ended up only using the one can of diced tomatoes (the one with jalapeños) and still kind’ve overflowed the pot by a small amount. So, next time I may cut out one can of tomato soup or a can of beans. Also, I want to try garbanzo beans in my next batch… and I’ve heard chocolate powder goes good in chili some times… so I wanna try that one day too.

I also tossed in 2 slices of Velveeta ripped apart, a dash of spicy brown mustard, and a drop or 2 of A1 Cracked Peppercorn Steak Sauce.

I think the meat that I used was too fatty or I didn’t drain enough fat (…even though I got a about ⅔ of a regular sized plastic cup full of fat out of it). I had to skim some excess grease off of the top when I popped it open this morning.

I’ll let you know the general consensus after it’s been consumed.

[Edit:  It was good.]

Recipe 3:

I must have pinned this at some point, too.  Someone re-pinned it here…

I think it was a joke about Pepto because this chili killed my guts, even served over mashed potatoes.

Share your chili recipes with me in the comment section below.  Don’t be a jag and sit on your secret ingredient(s).  Is it cocoa powder?  Chocolate bars?  Corn?  Zucchini?  Cinnamon?  Potatoes?  Steak?  Instant potato flakes?  Cornmeal?  Chupacabra?

How do you serve it?  In a bowl?  Over baked or mashed potatoes, rice,or spaghetti?  With soft pretzels or cornbread?  With tortilla chips or crackers?

How do you cook it?  Crock pot?  Dutch oven?  Stove top?  Over a campfire?

Do you like the Hormel canned stuff or the stuff from Wendy’s?  Who makes your favorite?

Spill it!

Danke Daka

Posted on by Standard 1

Did you read about my trouble with the One-Touch Can Opener?  How about my attempt at emailing them in Chinese?  Well, sadly they wrote back, and it’s quite boring.

The word is…

From: info info
To: Me <_____________@_____.___>
Cc: info <info@onetouchproducts.com>
Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Subject: Re: One-Stuck Can Opener

Dear Eric,

Thanks for your email.

For the can opener issue, please try to press and hold the reverse switch at the rear of the can opener.

The cutter will move in the reverse direction to the start position and the can lid will be released.

You may also check the instruction manual for trouble shooting ways.

Please download and keep the user manual from our website (as per below link) for your reference.

http://www.onetouchproducts.com/CanOpenerll.htm

Should you have any questions, please feel free to contact us.

Best Regards,
One Touch

There’s a reverse switch?  The answer is that simple?  I’m so disappointed, I haven’t even tried it yet.  Why not mark the switch?  I don’t remember the thing coming with instructions!  Bastards.

There may be a slight language barrier here, and a large cultural one.

Also, I decided to further my communication with Astrid at Bed Bath & Beyond.  Apparently this was going too far…

From: Eric <_____________@_____.___>
To: Bed Bath & Beyond <bedbathandbeyond@mailnj.custhelp.com>
Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2012 1:19 PM
Subject: Re: PRODUCT INQUIRY [Incident: 120525-000501]

Thanks Astrid,

We’ll have to go with the store credit then.  This is absolutely not a problem.  I always want to buy many things every time we’re in a Bed, Bath & Beyond.  Do you have a favorite can opener, or other cool kitchen gadget?  Perhaps we could get that.  Maybe some time my wife & I could have you over for dinner & we can use our new can opener.  What’s your favorite canned food?  I generally prefer fresh vegetables over canned… but I do like to make chili with a lot of canned ingredients.  Do you like chili?

I’d like to suggest that you guys carry P-38’s.  They really are useful, and don’t have any moving or electrical parts that can break or get stuck.

I like chili served over mashed potatoes.  I like mashed potatoes.

Rock on!

-Eric

I have as of yet not received a reply.

English: A small plate with a serving of mashe...

I like them.

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