Tag Archives: method

Culinary Anarchy | You don’t have to parboil the lasagna noodles!

Posted on by Standard Reply

A slice of lasagna on a white plate, showcasing layers of pasta, ricotta cheese, meat, and marinara sauce.
Leftover Lasagna – about to be re-heated in the microwave.

I have seen it out there on the internet for years, and I was afraid. Surely the ready-to-bake lasagna noodles are drastically different from the regular ones, right? I’m not talking fresh pasta that needs no prep… I mean the dried boxed stuff that food snobs will tell you is inferior.

I did it. No one died. Everyone seemed to like it. I’ll put my recipe down here first & the shenanigans after that… because Threads gave me some shenanigans. Trigger warning for Nonnas worldwide: I put brown sugar in jarred sauce. Proceed with caution.

Here’s what I did…

Ingredients:

  • (3) 15 oz. containers ricotta cheese
  • (2) 8. oz/2 cups bags shredded Mozzarella/Provolone cheese
  • (1) 2.41 lbs. package 90%/10% ground beef
  • (1) small zucchini, shredded (maybe 2 cups?)
  • (3) 24 oz. jars marinara sauce
  • (1) 1 lb. box Barilla lasagna noodles
  • (2) eggs
  • ยฝ cup grated Parmesan/Romano cheese
  • shredded parmesan (to taste)
  • fresh curly parsley (to taste)
  • Italian seasoning (to taste)
  • dried parsley (to taste)
  • brown sugar (to taste)
  • jarred minced garlic (to taste)
  • garlic powder (to taste)
  • onion powder (to taste)
  • black pepper (to taste)
  • paprika (to taste)
  • Mrs. Dash table blend (to taste)
  • salt (to taste)

Method:

  1. Preheat oven to 375ยฐ (Next time I may do 350ยฐ for a longer time, but we were in a but of a hurry.)
  2. Brown the beef in a pan on the stove with some of all your spices to taste. (I could/should have included onion here.)
  3. Mix the ricotta, one bag of the shredded cheese, the grated parmesan, a bit of the shredded parmesan, the eggs, fresh parsley, & shredded zucchini in a large bowl, again with all the spices including the garlic.
  4. This filled two 9×13″ glass baking dishes for me. I think I layered them both a bit different. Follow your heart. Put sauce on the bottom, sprinkle in some brown sugar, the dry lasagna noodles, the ricotta mixture, the ground beef, some more shredded cheese, more sauce, more noodles, and just keep going. I did put a very little bit of water in the jars of sauce to swirl around & empty more.. and put that into the dishes too. Sprinkled cheese and made sure there was lots of sauce on top of each.
  5. Cover them tightly with foil & put them in the oven for 50 minutes.
  6. Take out, sprinkle on some more of the shredded parmesan, cook for another 10 minutes.
  7. Pull out, rest for a bit, then serve.
A serving of lasagna on a white plate, showcasing layers of noodles, marinara sauce, ricotta cheese, and ground beef.
Two glass baking dishes filled with baked lasagna, topped with melted cheese and marinara sauce, resting on a wooden surface.

Notes:

  • Like I said, lower & slower next time. Maybe 350ยฐ for an hour then uncover & go for another 15 minutes?
  • Carrots may be good in with the ground beef… and/or mushrooms?
  • Maybe spinach in the cheese mixture or as another layer. Let’s get some fiber up in here.
  • I don’t generally like sausage, but if you do it’d be good here for sure.
  • What would you do?

๐Ÿ

Readers, let me tell you… people have feelings about calling that strip of pasta a “lasagna noodle.” There is also the fact that “American” lasagna has ricotta, but traditional does not. I was even told that because I added shredded zucchini it is no longer lasagna. I have made it replacing the pasta with long thinly-sliced zucchini planks and still called it lasagna.

People have lost their damn minds. No one knows that food and language evolve over time and across regions and even households?

I did plug my ingredients list into Gemini, ChatGPT, Perplexity, & Copilot to see what they would churn back out, but honestly I didn’t follow through with any of their advice.

I also make wedding soup incorrectly and put beans in chili. Clutch those pearls! Enjoy a meatball club. Hell, join the meatball club!

I look forward to your thoughts about lasagna, your tips, tricks & recipes, and the nuance of semantics involving pasta naming conventions in the comments. How do you layer yours? I feel like I need a way deeper pan. Do you go “traditional” and eschew ricotta? Do you call lasagna noodles lasagna noodles or are you pretentious?

I leave you with the discourse:

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Mushroom Meatloaf Mayhem

Posted on by Standard Reply

If you want beef, then bring the ruckus! My mushroom meatloaf ain’t nothin’ to โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ with.

With the likely chance of repeating myself, I like to make meatloaf different all the time. I make “normal” ones often, and made a crazy breakfast one one time. I think I have even crushed up CheeseโŸIts or Doritos in lieu of breadcrumbs. I blame Chopped. I forgot that I made one VERY similar to this not too long ago. The blog post was kind of sus as I was using LLM as I cooked to keep track of what I was did in hopes of having a coherent recipe for a post, & had 4 of them pop out interpretations of my recipe. I put the examples there. That may be overwhelming. I’ll do all the writing for this one. I sort of half-plan and wing it with meatloaf. This time I wanted to do some mashed potatoes & acorn squash with it too… so I did.

Two freshly baked meatloaves topped with cream of mushroom soup and crispy fried onions, resting on a sheet pan.
Mushroom Meatloaf Mayhem

This was an absurd amount of meatloaf, but I like leftovers and I’ll probably freeze some for later too. This is what I bought or had on hand this time. Most of my ingredients nowadays come from Aldi, & we do get some stuff at Giant Total Eagle.

I used a lot of processed ingredients, so I didn’t add any salt… other than what was in the season salt. I forget if we have McCormick or the Aldi brand. Of course you could use fresh mushrooms like I did last time… but this is what struck me to use this time. Also, you can use any kind of cheese or meat you want. If you don’t like, mushrooms, or onions… I will say “Bean Soup” to you and you can find other meatloaf recipes where they’re not the focus. If you don’t like meat… I would be interested to hear your suggestions for substitutions here.

You know… if I put shredded green beans in this, and maybe bacon pieces… it would be green bean casserole meatloaf. ๐Ÿคฏ

Here are all the parts to the meal, and what I did to bring it all together at the same time…

A collage showing the preparation of meatloaf, featuring sautรฉed onions and mushrooms, a mixture of ground beef with seasonings, a bowl of a creamy mixture, and slices of white bread laid out on a baking tray.
A split image featuring creamy brown gravy on the left and smooth mashed potatoes on the right, both prepared in mixing bowls.
A plate featuring a slice of meatloaf topped with brown gravy, accompanied by a serving of mashed potatoes also covered in gravy.
A serving of meatloaf topped with gravy, accompanied by a side of mashed potatoes on a white plate.
Baked acorn squash halves caramelized and arranged in a glass dish, featuring a slightly charred edge and a sweet, golden center.
A bowl containing roasted acorn squash, with a golden-brown exterior and a small pool of liquid inside.

The Mushroom Mayhem Meatloaf

Ingredients:

  • ยฝ stick unsalted butter (OK, maybe ยพ)
  • A splash of EVOO.
  • A splash of milk.
  • ยฝ Spanish Onion
  • 1 cup French-fried onions.
  • 2 4-oz. cans of mushrooms
  • 2 10.5-oz. cans condensed cream of mushroom soup
  • 1ยฝ cups panko breadcrumbs
  • 2 large eggs
  • 1 cup shredded Havarti cheese.
  • 2 tsp. jarred minced garlic (oh I know some of you hate it)
  • 4 lbs. ground beef (As it worked out I had exactly 4 lbs., 2.54 of 80/20 & 1.46 of 93/7.)
  • A1 (to taste)
  • Garlic Powder (to taste)
  • Onion Powder (to taste)
  • Seasoned Salt (like Morton’s Season All, Lawry’s, or Stonemill to taste)
  • Mrs. Dash’s Table Blend (to taste)
  • Black Pepper (to taste)
  • Ground Mustard (to taste)
  • Paprika (to taste)
  • 4 slices of cheap spongy white bread

Instructions:

  1. Preheat the oven to 375ยฐ.
  2. Drain & dice one can of mushrooms, dice the onion, and crunch up some of those french-fried onions to throw in there too.
  3. Hit the onion with garlic powder & onion powder.
  4. Melt some butter with a splash of EVOO on medium-high heat in a frying pan, then add the mushrooms & onions, sautรฉ on medium-low for a while until the mushrooms are translucent & almost starting to caramelize. Toss in some of that minced garlic once it gets going. Set aside.
  5. Mix 1 can of the cream of mushroom soup, the breadcrumbs, about a ยฝ cup of the French fried onions, & 2 splashes of A1 in a bowl. (Would this count as a panade?)
  6. Whisk the eggs, the splash of milk, & all your spices in the bowl. Or use a fork. Be whimsical. Improvise.
  7. In a large mixing bowl, mix the ground beef, about ยพ of the sauteed mushrooms & onions, the sort-of panade, the egg mixture, about 1 cup of shredded Havarti, & another tsp. of that minced garlic. Mix it all up. (I started with a spoon spatula, then just used my hands.)
  8. Form the meatloaf into two loaves placed on top of the slices of white bread on a sheet pan. (You had that ready right? I mean, you read this all through before you started and knew you needed to have that ready before you got your hands all raw-meatloafy, right?)
  9. Sprinkle Seasoned Salt & whatever other spices you want on the top.
  10. Cover with foil, & put in the oven for about a ยฝ hour-ish? I cooked to temperature, not time. (The USDA says ground beef should hit 160ยฐ to prevent all kinds of potentially horrible things.)
  11. Mix together another can of condensed cream of mushroom soup, some more shredded Havarti, some French-fried onions, a small can of mushrooms, about half of what you have left of the sauteed onion/mushroom mix, & some A1 & spices.
  12. Open the oven, take the foil off, insert your thermometer probes, slather on the mixture, and slide it back in. Cook for about an additional hour. Maybe? (This is where I slid it to the side & popped in my golden acorn squash.)
  13. Take it out when it hits the 160ยฐ, let it rest for a bit, and have at it!

Notes:

  • I add whatever spices at each step as I go.
  • Of course, use fresh mushrooms or different onions, or whatever speaks to you.
  • Monitor your meatloaf, if cooling alone maybe do an hour covered, then uncover a bit, put in the probes, & slather the stuff on top later. I didn’t want to keep opening the oven.
  • I rarely measure when making stuff like this… these are suggestions at best.
  • I was originally going to make one long-ass loaf, but I decided on 2 smaller ones at the last minute. I should have put them side by side, not end to end.
  • Use a loaf pan or two if that’s your thing, or a glass baking dish, or whatever works for you. I like the freeform loaf on bread, it works for me. Just maybe don’t do feetloaf or faceloaf. Really, don’t do this.
  • I start with an empty dishwasher and just rinse & pop everything in there as I use it because I have a small kitchen.
  • You could rock out to Meatloaf while you make meatloaf. Or some Wu Tang.

Roasted Golden Acorn Squash

Ingredients:

  • 2 golden acorn squashes
  • 1 stick of butter
  • Paprika (to taste)
  • Onion Powder (to taste)
  • Brown Sugar (to taste)

Recipe:

  1. Your oven is already at 375ยฐ with the meatloaf above, right?
  2. Melt the butter, spices, & sugar in a microwave safe bowl.
  3. Cut the acorn squash in half with a sharp serrated knife from the stem to the tip on both sides, then pop it open.
  4. Scoop out the seeds & strings with a spoon.
  5. Score the insides with a cross-hatch pattern or whatever floats your boat.
  6. Put the 4 halves open side up in a glass baking dish in about ยผ of water.
  7. Try to evenly distribute the sugary melted butter in the centers, being sure to drizzle some on the top too. I used a small gravy ladle.
  8. Let it ride in the oven for about an hour or so, maybe an hour and 15 minutes. You want it to just slightly start to burn on the edges.

Notes:

  • If I was not sharing the oven with meatloaf, I probably would have put these in at 400ยฐ or 425ยฐ. I am here to tell you that recipes are merely suggestions and you are free to adapt on the fly and use your own free will.
  • Lots of recipes have you start acorn squash face down, then turn them over, do the hokey pokey & all that. I am here to tell you that you absolutely do not need to do all that. Save your time & energy for other meal prep or solving one of my mazes.
  • Use whatever spices or sweetener you like. I find maple syrup overpowering sometimes, but it is popular here. I actually in hindsight should have tried hot honey on one. It seems to be all the rage. Some cayenne would really work well here.
  • Instead of a cross-hatch pattern, you could make a face, carve a list of your enemies, or this.
  • Squashes sounds weird. Can squash itself be plural?

Nashed Tapaters N’ Gravy

This may be controversial. I like boxed instant mashed potatoes. They’re quick. I can control the consistency easily. They are a blank canvas upon which you can paint your flavorful dreams. On holidays? I am doing real potatoes. Typical dinner? Flakes are fine.

Mashed Potato Ingredients:

  • Boxed Mashed Potato Flakes
  • Milk
  • Butter
  • Beef Bouillon Cube
  • Shredded Havarti
  • Black Pepper (to taste)
  • White Pepper (to taste)
  • Mrs. Dash’s Table Blend (to taste)
  • Garlic Powder (to taste)
  • Onion Powder (to taste)

Mashed Potato “Recipe”:

  1. Make the potatoes according to the directions on the box. Their suggested serving sizes are a lie. Go big, or go home.
  2. I pop a beef bouillon cube or two in the water instead of the salt. It ties it in to the meatloaf nicely and adds salt & flavor.
  3. Stir in some shredded Havarti cheese at the end. Measure with your heart. Or your appendix. Whatever organ is speaking, just listen.
  4. Add some more butter.

Gravy Ingredients:

  • 1 brown gravy packet
  • 1 mushroom gravy packet
  • 1 4-oz. can of mushrooms
  • 1 10.5-oz. can condensed cream of mushroom soup
  • Some of those sauteed mushrooms & onions from waaay back up top
  • Black Pepper (to taste)
  • White Pepper (to taste)
  • Mrs. Dash’s Table Blend (to taste)
  • Garlic Powder (to taste)
  • Onion Powder (to taste)

Gravy “Recipe”:

  1. Mix the gravy packets both at once according to the directions on the pack… adding in your preferred spices.
  2. Once it is fully simmered & not clunky… pop the burner back up to medium and add in the soup, the canned mushrooms, and some of your sauteed onion & mushroom mix.
  3. Keep that going until it’s all heated through, you shouldn’t need to let it boil again. Let it rest a bit.

Notes:

  • I’m an anarchist when it comes to instant potatoes. Toss in buttermilk, sour cream, cheese, garlic… whatever you want. Use chicken stock or vegetable stock instead of water. I try to tie it in to the main dish.
  • You could make a gravy from scratch… but it’ll be almost the same stuff that’s in the packets. And, I wasn’t about to collect the drippings from the meatloaf to make a gravy like you would with a roast. ๐Ÿคฃ

๐Ÿ–๐Ÿ„๐Ÿง…๐Ÿง€๐Ÿฅ”

There you have it. What would you do differently? Have anything you picked up that you might try? What are your meatloaf go-to recipes, tips, & tricks? Have any other meatloaf styles, or do you do it straight-up old school ketchup glaze? Most importantly, what are you rocking out to as you make meatloaf?

Roasted Broccoli Cheddar Soup w/ Ham n’ Cheese Beer Bread Sandwiches ๐Ÿง€๐Ÿฅฆ๐Ÿฅฃ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿฅ“๐Ÿž

Posted on by Standard Reply

It’s cheeseception. I wanted to try that cheesy beer bread in some grilled ham & cheese sandwiches… and I needed some soup for the side, right? Why not up the cheese level with my old broccoli cheese soup or my potato soup? I thought the fiber from the broccoli may be beneficial. ๐Ÿ˜†

I altered the recipe a bit.

Golden roasted broccoli cheddar soup with pops of green and orange (from carrots) in a small white bowl with a spoon sitting beside a panini-grilled ham & cheese sandwich with cross-hatch lines on a white plate. It's all on a wooden counter top, beside a wooden cutting board,
Roasted Broccoli Cheddar Soup and a Cheesy Beer Bread Grilled Ham & Cheese Sandwich

I probably should have stuck with a traditional tomato soup to combat the absolute decadent richness, but this soup was pretty damn good. I want to try to make a roasted butternut squash soup eventually too… but not sure that would pair well with this sandwich?

I did spice-up my original broccoli cheese soup recipe. This could be a full meal, or a side to a nice turkey or roast beef sandwich. Recipe down below. That’s what I did this time. I’ll probably make it slightly different next time. Everyone does that, right?

As far as the sandwich, I just cooked some lunchmeat ham for a few seconds on the panini grill, sliced up the cheesy bear bread, buttered the outsides with softened butter, and stacked it with some individually wrapped cheese slices… cooked on high on the countertop grill to sear & melt it all at once. I should have gotten a side view, but I was hungry.

๐Ÿฅฆ๐Ÿง€๐Ÿฅฃ Roasted Broccoli Cheddar Soup | The Recipe

This is like my last recipe, but slightly altered.

Ingredients:

  • 2 sticks of butter
  • Extra Virgin Olive Oil (or whatever kind you like)
  • 1 cup of flour
  • ยฝ cup of shredded carrots
  • ยผ cup of diced celery
  • ยฝ Spanish onion
  • 1 Tbsp. minced garlic
  • ยฝ tsp. ground mustard
  • ยฝ tsp. paprika
  • ยฝ tsp. onion powder
  • ยฝ tsp. garlic powder
  • ยฝ tsp. salt-free table blend seasoning
  • ยผ tsp. white pepper
  • Salt, black pepper, & dried parsley to taste
  • 1 cup buttermilk
  • 32 oz. box of chicken stock
  • 32 oz. box of vegetable broth
  • 12 oz. bottle or can of beer (I used Yuengling Traditional Lager.)
  • 2 tsp. Ham Broth Base (I used Orrinton Farms)
  • 3 bundles of fresh broccoliย (chopped up into spoon-sized pieces)
  • ยผ cup of bacon pieces
  • 10 oz. block of extra sharp cheddar cheeseย (grated)
  • 10 oz. block of white cheddar cheeseย (grated)
  • ยฝ cup of parmesan cheese
  • 16 oz. block of Velveetaย (cut onto small chunks)
  • 2 cup bag of shredded โ€œmac & cheese blendโ€ cheese

Method:

  1. Pre-heat oven to 425ยฐ, & do all your chopping/shredding/measuring.
  2. Toss about โ…” of the broccoli, & a bit of carrots & bacon pieces in a bowl with salt, pepper, & oil to coat. Roast on a sheet pan for about 20 minutes.
  3. While that is going, melt butter on medium heat in the bottom of your stock pot, add celery, carrots, onions, garlic, & sautรฉ for a bit.
  4. Mix all the spices with the flour, add to pot to make aย rouxย and let it get a nice color brown.
  5. Add the beer slowly to the roux, then the boxes of stock, then the buttermilk.
  6. Add remaining โ…“ of broccoli & bacon pieces, bring to a boil, simmer for about 15 to 20 minutes.
  7. The roasted broccoli should be done, hold it until you have 5 min. left of simmering.
  8. Turn heat to low, stir in all that cheese. (I mixed it all into a bowl 1st)

Notes:

  • This was a different soup when roasting vs the last time. I could honestly go for either again.
  • I used whatever seasonings at every step as they struck me in addition to the measured amounts.
  • I did pop in a squirt of yellow mustard, too. Mustard is botanically related to broccoli, & acts as an emulsifier.
  • Fresh real bacon would be incredible here, maybe more of it… or even bits of cubed ham.
  • You could skip the beer & do 1ยฝ cups of water with the ham bullion or Better Than Bouillon. I like to use Straub Amber to cook too.
  • I wonder if a red bell pepper would be good in this too?
  • This makes a large pot, so hope you like leftovers.
  • My apologies to vegans, the lactose-intolerant, and the dairy-allergic.

๐Ÿฅฆ๐Ÿง€๐Ÿฅฃ

OK, so how would you make your broccoli cheddar soup? Can I call this broccoli cheddar when it also includes other kinds of cheese? What are your thoughts on the roasting? Would you try this? Do you have a broccoli cheese soup go-to recipe? How about any tips & tricks?

German-Style Hot Potato Salad

Posted on by Standard Reply

I was in a cooking mood last weekend, and I tried out some hot German style potato salad. As usual, I googled recipes, solicited advice on Threads, and even bounced stuff off of LLM’s. I came up with the recipe below, and it paired nice with some Reubens. The bread on the Reubens was less than stellar. I need to get some better rye, & make sure it’s still seedless. (Thanks, diverticulitis!) Maybe marbled or Pumpernickel is the way to go? I’m not much of a baker, unless it’s as easy as the Cheesy Beer Bread.

Hot German-Style Potato Salad

OK. So here’s what I did:

Ingredients

  • 2 lbs. red potatoes
  • 10 strips thick-cut bacon, chopped
  • 1/2 of a Spanish onion, finely diced
  • 1/2 cup chicken broth
  • 1/4 cup white vinegar
  • 1 tablespoon sugar
  • 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
  • 1 teaspoon ground mustard
  • Salt, Pepper, Onion Powder, & Garlic Powder to taste
  • Dried parsley to taste
  • Fresh chopped parsley

Instructions

  1. Put the whole potatoes in a large pot and cover with about 1 to 2 inches of cold, salted water (or chicken broth for extra flavor). Bring to a boil and cook until the potatoes are tender when pierced with a fork, about 15-20 minutes. Drain the potatoes well and set them aside. (Next time I will add the other half of the onion here. I did add a bit of ham bullion to the water.)
  2. While the potatoes are cooking, place the chopped bacon in a large skillet or pan over medium-low heat. Cook until the bacon is crispy, stirring occasionally to ensure even cooking. Using a slotted spoon, remove the bacon pieces and place them on a paper towel-lined plate to drain, but leave the rendered bacon grease in the skillet. (I may have snuck in a tiny bit of butter here.) This seemingly takes forever but is worth it. I seasoned the bacon with onion powder, garlic powder, & black pepper.
  3. Add the diced onion to the skillet with the bacon grease. Cook over medium heat, stirring often, until the onion is soft & translucent.
  4. To the skillet with the onions and bacon grease, add the chicken broth, white vinegar, sugar, Dijon mustard, and ground mustard. Whisk the mixture to combine. Bring the dressing to a simmer and let it cook for about 2 minutes to allow the flavors to meld. Season with salt and pepper to your liking. I put the dried parsley in here, too.
  5. Dice, the still-warm potatoes into large 1-inch-ish chunks, then place in a large bowl. Pour the hot dressing over the potatoes and gently toss to coat. Stir in about half of the cooked bacon pieces.
  6. Let the salad sit for at least 15 minutes to allow the potatoes to fully absorb the flavors. Just before serving, sprinkle the remaining crispy bacon and fresh chopped parsley or chives over the top.

The fresh parsley made it pop. Of course, you could use Yukon Gold or whatever potatoes you have. Watch out for green ones!

I wondered if honey mustard would be good? Obviously brown mustard or German mustard or even yellow mustard should be fine. I wonder what Herlocher’s would be like? Apple cider vinegar or brown sugar should be fine too. I see proponents for and against just about every variation online.

I say use what you have on hand or what you know you like. I bet I used Mrs. Dash’s table blend at some point, too. Some recipes recommended wine instead of broth. I may try it with beer?

Is this one you make often? Have you ever tried it? What are your tips & tricks? Luckily both kids liked it, so I’m sure I’ll be making it again. Also… I really didn’t measure much…. I just go.

Hit me up with your take on the Reuben, too! I have made them a few different ways, but always with the same basic ingredients.

Reuben Sandwich & Hot German-Style Potato Salad

Also, this is a hilariously appropriate song to rock to while you’re cooking:

It’s tangential, but made the cut for my Fast Food Punk Tunes & Dad Shit playlists!

๐ŸŒญ Dunked, Drunk, n’ Dried Dogs & Potato Wedges ๐Ÿฅ”

Posted on by Standard Reply

There are way too many ways to cook a hot dog. Not long ago, if you suggested I boil some… I would politely have found the quickest way out of that conversation. This time I simmered the dogs in beer, then popped them in the oven on the air-fryer setting.

I blogged about cooking hot dogs in 2010 when I asked how you do it, & later listed a bunch of different ways, and I like to slip them in on the New Year’s Pork n’ Sauerkraut. 2010? Hell, it only took me 15 years to get around to suggestion #3. Were air-fryers popular back then? I think it was just countertop grills.

Then again, sometimes I get weird ideas that won’t go away until they come to fruition. Hot dogs aren’t my favorite food, but they’re fun to make different every time. If not grilling, I like to cook them in the oven, especially when cooking dinner for the family & wanting a whole pack cooked at once. This time I did something different.

Lager-Simmered Air Fried Criss-Cross Cut Hot Dogs & Crispy Potato Wedges!

Man, I miss the legendary Dormont Dogs.

After you read this recipe, tell me what you’d do different, or what you like on your dogs! Oh yeah. sides too. I wanted to use corn starch on the potato wedges, but I was out, so flour it was. It crisped them up just enough to keep it interesting. I was heavy on the black pepper, so they had a bite.

Oh yeah, I cracked open a can of baked beans too.

I used ChatGPT to sort of bounce ideas around, and it helped me make a plan.

๐ŸŒญ๐ŸŒญ๐ŸŒญ

Wieners, โ€™Taters & Beans (Oh My!)

๐Ÿฅ” Potato Wedges

  1. Prep
    • Cut potatoes into wedges, about ยฝ” thick at the skin edge.
    • Soak in cold water 30 minutes (this pulls starch so they crisp better).
    • Drain, blot very dry. Moisture = soggy wedges.
    • Toss in a bowl with:
      • 1โ€“2 Tbsp cornstarch
      • 2 Tbsp oil (olive, canola, or peanut)
      • Seasonings: paprika, garlic/onion powder, salt, pepper, maybe cayenne or smoked paprika for punch.
  2. Cook
    • Oven air fry or convection at 425ยฐF (both will crisp better than standard bake).
    • Spread on parchment-lined sheet, not touching.
    • Cook 25โ€“30 min, flipping halfway.

๐ŸŒญ Hot Dogs

  1. Parboil
    • In a small pot, add:
      • 1 bottle/can Yuengling
      • 1 beef bouillon cube
      • ยฝ tsp onion powder
      • ยฝ tsp minced garlic
      • ยผ tsp ground mustard (optional, but yes itโ€™ll add a tangy depth)
    • Bring to a gentle simmer. Drop in hot dogs, simmer 5โ€“6 min (donโ€™t boil hard).
  2. Finish in Oven
    • After parboil, move hot dogs to a rack or foil-lined pan.
    • Toss them in the oven (same rack as potatoes if you can) for 8โ€“10 min at 425ยฐF (air fry/convection), flipping once, so skins blister and caramelize a little.

๐Ÿฅ– Buns + Cheese

  1. At the last 2โ€“3 min of hot dog oven time, open buns, lay on pan.
  2. Add cheese slices. Toast until buns are warm and cheese is gooey.

๐Ÿ”„ Timing Plan

  1. Start soaking potatoes โ†’ 30 min.
  2. Preheat oven to 425ยฐF (air fry/convection).
  3. While soaking, prep hot dog beer bath.
  4. Drain & coat potatoes. Get them in oven first (they take longest).
    • Timer: 25โ€“30 min.
  5. While wedges cook, simmer hot dogs in beer bath (~5โ€“6 min).
  6. About halfway into potato time (15 min mark), move hot dogs to oven on pan/rack.
    • Theyโ€™ll need ~8โ€“10 min to finish, which lines up with potatoes finishing.
  7. Last 2โ€“3 min: add buns + cheese.

Everything should hit the plate hot at the same time.

๐ŸŒญ๐Ÿซ˜๐Ÿฅ”

๐Ÿซ˜ Drunken Baked Beans

A simple can of beans made rich with the leftover beer broth from the hot dogs. Deep, savory, slightly maltyโ€ฆ itโ€™s like BBQ beans with a secret ingredient.

Ingredients:

  • 1 large can of baked beans
  • ยฝ cup reserved beer broth from hot dogs (strained)
  • 1 tbsp brown sugar
  • 1 tsp mustard (yellow or Dijon)
  • Optional: dash of hot sauce or crumbled bacon

Method:

Taste and adjust seasoning โ€” more sugar if you like sweet, hot sauce if you like heat.

Combine beans with broth, sugar, and mustard in a saucepan.

Simmer low and slow (20โ€“30 minutes), stirring occasionally, until thickened and glossy.

๐Ÿ‘‰ Extra Tips:

  • Flip wedges and hot dogs at halfway for even browning.
  • If wedges look done before hot dogs, crack the oven door and let them hang on residual heat.
  • You can reduce a little of the beer/bouillon liquid into a quick dipping sauce (mix in mustard/ketchup) if you want to go wild.
  • I added the beer/bullion liquid to the baked beans with BBQ sauce… not what ChatGPT suggested.

๐Ÿซ˜๐Ÿซ˜๐Ÿซ˜

Needless to say, I didn’t follow that exactly… but I did toast the buns, & made the dogs to order. Mine had relish, my son’s had fresh jalapeรฑo from the garden, my wife didn’t want cheese, and my daughter didn’t want mustard.

Dunk, Drunk, n' Dried Dogs
Dunk, Drunk, n’ Dried Dogs

I gotta buy some damn corn starch.

Crispy Potato Wedges
Crispy Potato Wedges

I used Yuengling, but I also would use Straub Amber, Penn Pilsner, Lion’s Head, or Smithwick’s. What would you use?

If you do make this, you gotta crank some punk rock Dad Shit. (The Amazon Playlist has more than Spotify.)

Zucchini Two Ways

Posted on by Standard 1

Like everyone who has a vegetable garden, or even just one potted plant, we have an abundance of zucchini. I was asking AI language models for casserole cooking times & temperatures based on what I had around & could easily grab from the store, and I sort of picked a hybrid of all of them. I used ChatGPT, Gemini, Perplexity, & CoPilot. Originally I had been asking about zucchini bread recipes, then asked about the casserole. It is interesting to bounce ideas off of them.

Zucchini Casserole & Pizza-ish Zucchini Things on a white plate.
“Zucchini!” (But, say it like a Jawa yelling “Utini!” in Star Wars.)

I had the idea for the lil’ zucchini things last time I made breaded zucchini & ran out of breadcrumbs before zucchini.

Zucchini Ditalini Chickpea Chikini

I hesitate to call this a casserole, because the kids are on a brainrot social media kick where they have been informed somehow that CrockโฌฉPot meals & casseroles are bad. The best part is they both ate & loved it… one even went back for more. It was a hit with the wife too, and I’d eat it again.

Zucchini Ditalini Chickpea Chikini - the top of a casserole dish just out of the oven, with a nice brown crispy breadcrumb topping over gooey melted cheese.
Zucchini Ditalini Chickpea Chikini

I felt like making a casserole, but not making a mess by pre-cooking/par-cooking or measuring anything. So… I ended up making two 9″x13″ casseroles. Here it is to the best of my memory.

The ingredients:

  • 1 ridiculously large zucchini from the garden.
  • 1 Spanish onion
  • 1 orange bell pepper
  • 1 pack (1ยฝ lbs.) of chicken breasts
  • 2 large eggs
  • 1 (16 oz./1 lb.) box of Ditalini pasta
  • 1 (15.5 oz.) can of garbanzo beans
  • 2 (8 oz.) blocks of cream cheese, softened (Leave it out for a bit, nuke it, or cradle it in your armpits.)
  • 1 (2 cup) bag of shredded white cheddar cheese
  • 1 (2 cup) bag of Havarti cheese
  • 1 (1ยฝ cup) bag of Gouda cheese (Same damn size bag – thanks, shrinkflation!)
  • 1 (32 oz./4 cups) box of chicken stock
  • 1 stick (4 oz./ยฝ cup) butter.
  • Breadcrumbs – Maybe 3 cups?
  • 2 Tbsp. minced garlic from a jar because elicits unwarranted hate.
  • Seasonings to taste – I used Rotisserie Chicken seasoning, Mrs. Dash’s Table Blend, Black Pepper, White Pepper, Onion Powder, Garlic Powder, Paprika, & dried parsley. Ain’t nobody measuring all that.

I was going to include some “bacon pieces,” but I must have left them in the store, or they fell out in the car, or I put them in a weird place or threw them out, because they absolutely are in what may as well be a pocket dimension.

The Method:

  1. Pre-heat the oven to 375ยฐ
  2. Grease apparently two 9″x13″ glass baking dishes with a stick of butter.
  3. Get two mixing bowls. In one, whisk the egg, then fold in the cream cheese, the chicken stock, the garlic, the (drained) chickpeas, about half of each of the shredded cheeses, the dry Ditalini, and spices in one mixing bowl.
  4. Slice up the bell pepper, onion, zucchini, & chicken in consistently sized cubes. (If you left the zucchini in the garden too long like I did, cut out the spongy center.) Put all that in the other mixing bowl, toss it with some more of all the spices.
  5. Mix the contents of the two bowls together as you string together new swear words and wish you have an even more ridiculously larger mixing bowl.
  6. Put those into the baking dishes. Or one big one, or a casserole dish, or whatever you’ve got. Cover with foil, place in oven, & bake for 45 min.
  7. Melt the remainder of the stick of butter in a microwave safe bowl. Or a microwave unsafe bowl if you’re an agent of chaos. Dump in some breadcrumbs and toss them in the butter, so the breadcrumbs are coated but not all gross. I used a mix of panko & regular. I did not measure.
  8. Pull from the oven, but leave it on, remove foil.
  9. Spread the remaining shredded cheese on the top of the casseroles, then the buttery breadcrumbs… and put it back in the oven. I swapped it to 350ยฐ on a convection setting at this point for 15 minutes… but you do you.

Notes:

  • YOU DO NOT NEED TO PRE-COOK THE CHICKEN, PASTA, OR VEGETABLES. You certainly can, and it may deepen the flavors and reduce baking time, but I wanted to do this all in one go. I checked the chicken in a few sports with an instant-read and it was a bit over the USDA recommended 165ยฐ.
  • I was going to mix the cheeses together at the end, but why dirty another bowl? I dumped them on almost somewhat evenly.
  • Obviously, cut out what you don’t like, add what you do, skip stuff, or add stuff.
  • I may try this again with bacon or ham… but there was a good bit of salt in all the cheeses already, and probably the chickpeas.
  • I may try this with shredded zucchini and maybe leaving the chicken breast cutlets whole on top. Maybe.
  • Ricotta instead of cream cheese may be good too.
  • Use chicken broth, bone broth, vegetable broth, milk, water, or whatever… just give the pasta enough liquid to absorb.

Pizzucchini Teeny Mini

Again, this was a quick idea I had last tame I made air-fried breaded zucchini and ran out of bread crumbs because the zucchini multiplies as I sliced it. I did it in the oven quick after I yanked out the “let’s not call this casserole a casserole.”

Melted cheese, some toasted breadcrumbs, & pizza sauce over a round slice of zucchini.
Pizzuchini Teeny Mini

Ingredients:

  • 1 normal-sized zucchini.
  • 1 (2 cup) bag of “pizza cheese”
  • 1 (15 oz.) squeeze bottle of pizza sauce
  • a bit of EVOO
  • Maybe ยฝ cup of breadcrumbs

The Method:

  1. Do you really need instructions here? I put the oven on 400ยฐ on the air-fryer setting. I didn’t pre-heat it because it was already running.
  2. I sliced the zucchini about ยผ-inch thick, and put it on the baking sheet over a bit of EVOO.
  3. I dropped on some sauce, some cheese, and a tiny bit of breadcrumbs.
  4. I put it the oven for 15 minutes.

Notes:

  • What the hell is “pizza cheese?” It said that on the bag. I guess mozzarella & provolone? Please tell me in the comments that it is all plastic & slowly killing me. Maybe I should have read the bag.
  • I will probably skip the EVOO or get a cooking rack for the air fryer setting.

~๐Ÿง€~

OK, so that’s it. Hit me up with suggestions, questions, love, or hate in the comments! Share your zucchini recipes, too!

Biscuit Dough Pretzel …Blobs?

Posted on by Standard 5

The algorithm wanted me to try the canned biscuit dough pretzel bites. It kept coming up. I kept clicking. I posted about it on social media asking questions. I looked at recipes online. They all had different methods! Are these people even trying their own recipes? They’re wildly different.

As far as my pretzel tastes: I like Auntie Anne’s the best, SuperPretzel is the gold standard, and Philly Pretzel Factory is passable.

A table laying out the different methods of prepping pretzel bites with egg wash, butter, boiling in baking soda, or just a baking soda bath.
Crazy Biscuit Dough Pretzel Blob Table

I decided to try some different methods, & bounce it off of AI to get a cooking time/temp. I put the following into Gemini, ChatGPT, & Perplexity:

Hello.  I have seen many recipes for pretzel bites made from pre-made canned biscuit dough online.  There are so many variations, I was wondering if you could recommend one singular method as to time and temperature.  I would like to bake them in the oven.  My oven has traditional, convection, and air fry settings.  Can you suggest a time, temperature, and setting?

Also, I am having trouble deciding if boiling in baking soda water, or just coating in baking soda water is the way to go.  Also, what is the best ratio of water to baking soda?

And, I hear egg wash and just a melted butter wash are good ways to coat them before baking.  Would you use the whole egg, or just the whites or yolks?  Can you do both?

I am tempted to bake pretzels in 4 quadrants, one quarter each of them in the following combos;

  • Boiled in baking soda water / Egg wash.
  • Boiled in baking soda water / Melted butter.
  • Coated in baking soda water / Egg wash
  • Coated in baking soda water / Melted butter

Do you think that would solve most of my questions?  Can you put together the baking time & temp, and baking soda solution measurements and boiling or coating times?

Here’s what they said:

Here's a breakdown of how to make delicious pretzel bites from biscuit dough: 1. Baking Soda Solution: Water: 8 cups Baking Soda: 1/2 cup 2. Boiling vs. Coating: Boiling: Bring the baking soda solution to a rolling boil in a large pot. Carefully drop in a few pretzel bites at a time for 30 seconds. Use a slotted spoon to remove them and place them on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Coating: In a shallow dish, combine the baking soda and water. Dip each pretzel bite into the solution to coat completely. Let excess drip off before placing them on the prepared baking sheet. 3. Egg Wash vs. Butter Wash: Egg Wash: Whisk together 1 large egg with 1 tablespoon of water. Brush generously over the pretzel bites. Butter Wash: Melt 2 tablespoons of butter. Brush evenly over the pretzel bites. 4. Baking: Oven Setting: Convection Bake is generally recommended for even cooking. Temperature: 400ยฐF (200ยฐC) Time: 10-12 minutes, or until golden brown. 5. Your 4-Quadrant Experiment: Your idea of baking four batches with different combinations is a fantastic way to compare and find your favorite! Here's a summary: Quadrant 1: Boiled in baking soda water + Egg wash Quadrant 2: Boiled in baking soda water + Melted butter Quadrant 3: Coated in baking soda water + Egg wash Quadrant 4: Coated in baking soda water + Melted butter Tips & Considerations: Biscuit Dough: Use your favorite brand or make your own! Shape: You can shape the biscuit dough into balls, twists, or any other desired shape. Salt: Sprinkle with coarse salt immediately after brushing with the egg or butter wash. Cooling: Let the pretzel bites cool on a wire rack before serving. Enjoy your homemade pretzel bites! I hope this comprehensive guide helps you create the perfect batch. Let me know if you have any other questions.
Gemini’s Answer
Youโ€™ve got a great experiment in mind! Letโ€™s break this down and get you set up for pretzel bite perfection. Here's a streamlined approach to your method and testing: Baking Instructions Preheat oven: Convection setting: 400ยฐF (best for even browning and crispiness). Traditional oven: 425ยฐF (slightly higher temp compensates for lack of air circulation). Baking time: 8โ€“12 minutes. Start checking at 8 minutes. Pretzel bites should be golden brown and puffed. Baking Soda Water Solution Ratio: 4 cups water to 1/4 cup baking soda. This concentration gives the pretzel flavor and helps create a chewy, golden crust. Method: Boiling: Bring the solution to a boil. Boil the dough pieces for 20โ€“30 seconds per batch, flipping halfway. Drain on a wire rack before coating. Coating: Dip the dough pieces in the baking soda solution for about 15โ€“20 seconds, then place them directly on the baking sheet. Washes Egg wash: Use one whole egg, whisked with 1 teaspoon of water for a shiny and slightly firmer crust. (Egg whites alone will give more shine but less flavor; yolks alone will create a deeper color but softer finish.) Melted butter: Brush after baking for a rich, soft finish. Optionally, sprinkle with coarse salt immediately after brushing. Your Experiment: Quadrant Plan Hereโ€™s how to organize the quadrants: Pretreatment Wash Notes Boiled Egg wash Classic shiny pretzel crust. Boiled Butter Rich, soft crust with chew. Coated Egg wash Less chewy but still glossy. Coated Butter Softest, richest option. Steps for Your Test Divide the biscuit dough into even pieces (about 1 inch each). Prepare the baking soda solution. Treat the dough using your boiling and coating methods. Place the treated dough pieces on a parchment-lined baking sheet. Apply your chosen washes to the corresponding groups. Bake on convection at 400ยฐF for 8โ€“12 minutes. Post-Bake Notes Once baked, taste-test the results. The differences in texture, shine, and flavor between the methods should help you decide your favorite! Let me know how the experiment goesโ€”Iโ€™d love to hear about your results!
GhatGPT’s Answer
Answer I'll help you navigate the best method for making biscuit pretzel bites based on the search results. Recommended Baking Method Temperature: 425ยฐF Setting: Traditional oven setting Baking Time: 8-15 minutes (until deep golden brown) Baking Soda Solution The most consistent recommendation is to fully boil the biscuit pieces in a baking soda bath, not just coat them. The recommended ratio is: 4 cups water 1/4 to 1/2 cup baking soda Boiling Process Bring water to a boil Dissolve baking soda completely Boil biscuit pieces for 15-20 seconds Use a slotted spoon to remove pieces Coating Options For the best results, I recommend using an egg wash. Here's why: Egg wash provides a more golden, glossy finish You can use the whole beaten egg Alternatively, you can use melted butter Experimental Approach Your idea of baking four quadrants with different methods is excellent. This will help you determine the best technique. Here's a structured approach: Quadrant Baking Soda Treatment Coating Expected Result 1 Boiled Egg wash Likely best traditional pretzel texture 2 Boiled Melted butter Softer, more buttery finish 3 Coated Egg wash Less authentic pretzel texture 4 Coated Melted butter Least pretzel-like Pro Tips Cut each biscuit into 4-9 pieces Sprinkle with coarse salt immediately after coating Serve immediately for best taste and texture
Perplexity’s Answer

I’ll try to link to the full answers here too, as I did keep all 3 conversations going for a bit with different queries.

They looked OK for the most part. I had two cans of pre-made biscuit dough, both were Pillsbury Grands Southern Homestyle. One was Butter Tastin’, one was Buttermilk. Butter Tastin’ was tray 1, Buttermilk was tray 2. I tried all the things. Baked at 425ยฐ for 8 minutes. The boiled ones puffed up a bit, I only let them go for 15 seconds using Alexa as my timer, as I read that boiling too long in the baking soda can give you a metallic taste. The baking soda bath was in warm water… I only left them in for as long as it took me to boil the other ones. I did forget to put salt on until halfway through cooking. I used the coarse salt grinder.

A photo of 64 pretzel bites made form pre-made biscuit dough across two trays (& parchment paper) & a few cooking methods.
Pre-Made Biscuit Dough Pretzel Blobs by AiXeLsyD13

I broke each quadrant down & gave it a letter, & a really short summary…

8 pretzel bites on a plate, labeled A through H.
Absolute ๐Ÿฅจ Shenanigans
  • A | Butter Tastin’ / Boiled in Baking Soda / Egg Wash – Most pretzel-like texture. Needed baked a bit more.
  • B | Butter Tastin’ / Boiled in Baking Soda / Butter Wash – Seemed like crunchy biscuits.
  • C | Butter Tastin’ / Baking Soda Bath / Egg Wash – Tasted burnt-ish.
  • D | Butter Tastin’ / Baking Soda Bath / Butter Wash – Straight up biscuit.
  • E | Buttermilk / Boiled in Baking Soda / Egg Wash – The outside was very pretzely.
  • F | Buttermilk / Boiled in Baking Soda / Butter Wash – Close to a pretzel. -ish.
  • G | Buttermilk / Baking Soda Bath / Egg Wash – Good… but crunchy. Maybe baked less time?
  • H | Buttermilk / Baking Soda Bath / Butter Wash – Very biscuit-like.

So, that was a thing. Definitely going boiled, & egg wash next time. May seek out some coarse salt or pretzel salt. I may try it at 400ยฐ on the convection setting for 8 minutes, or a little longer on the regular setting at 425ยฐ. Also, may try cooking on a baking rack & cooling on a cooling rack. I may go got more traditional biscuit dough too, instead of what I had. At the end of the day, these all tasted great dipped in some Herlocher’s. I just wish I had some beer left, but I used my last can of Straub Amber making BBQ pulled pork sandwiches (and rocking out) today. Also, gotta try some with cheese in the middle, right?

Also, I know they’re not perfect yet, but these AI chat bots can REALLY help consolidate / create recipes pulled from so many online sources. It seems like you can search for 5 recipes, & get 7 different cooking times & temperatures at the very least. Then, like my stuff, if there’s no “Jump to Recipe” button, you gotta use Cooked.Wiki, JustTheRecipe.com, or Just The Recipe. As of now, the AI bots are not riddled with advertising and paid ad placement/rankings. They all have their strengths & weaknesses.

Here’s where you hit me up in the comments and/or on social media with your tried-and-true pretzel & pretzel bite methods. I’m not really all that super interested in making dough, so that’s why the canned dough piqued my interest. And, have you used AI prompts for cooking or anything else interesting lately?

Will Teriyaki Tenacity Lead to Teriyaki Triumph?

Posted on by Standard 1

This morning, I was emboldened by a comment on an old blog post where I drew a maze and sent it to Conagra to accuse them of lying to the people about discontinuing their delicious Teriyaki sauce in favor of pushing a gross one filled with seeds.

Commenter Cory told me that there is a Change.org petition to bring it back. My most-likely delusional headcanon is that I definitely got Totino’s to change their microwave instructions. So, of course, we will push this forward so I can restore my Teriyaki stuff to its former glory. Here, we double-down on things that really have no consequence or significance. This is World (and Lunar) Domination.

The closest thing I have found is the Essential Everyday brand that I got from Shop ‘n Save, and there are always rumors of them closing and becoming yet another Giant Eagle.

If you’re also a fan of inconsequential chaos and delicious Teriyaki, please follow the saga, and sign the petition!

Others have awakened:

Also, try to solve the maze, and post in the comments or post it & tag me (& Conagra) on social media!

Stuffed Cabbage Recipe

Posted on by Standard 1

So, recently I was hungry for stuffed cabbage. I had never made it before, so after Googling a few recipes and soliciting advice from a Facebook food group and Nextdoor, I came up with my own. You can put this URL into Just The Recipe or do the Cooked Wiki “hack” to skip all my bullshit up here.

I’m not a huge fan of rice in meatballs like you typically see with stuffed peppers or stuffed cabbage, so I was googling recipes without it and kept finding stuffed tagged as “keto,” or with other grains substituted in. I think it’s a texture thing for me, so I opted to go my own route. Also, get out of here with your sweet/hot sausage, I’ll add my own spices. Keep your veal/beef/pork mixes. Maybe ground turkey would be cool. Keep the lamb away.

It seems that many are tied to their family’s traditional way of making it, and that’s pretty cool. I always thought of it as an Eastern European type dish, but lots of cultures have their own spin & own words for it according to Wikipedia. The thought of omitting rice, or using condensed tomato soup instead of a tomato sauce or V8 sent some people into a tizzy. I even learned that lots of people include sauerkraut, and some people like it served with sour cream. Some people make it like a casserole. We always had the tomato soup version growing up, so that’s what I like/expected. Who knew? I’ll probably make it different next time… but both kids & the wife liked it, so I won’t experiment too much.

I used glass baking dishes covered with foil, but got advice that a roasting pan, an electric roaster, the crock pot, a Dutch oven, a soup pot on the stove, or a pressure cooker all work well, too.

Although, I would like to wrap a piece of bacon around the rolls and throw them on the smoker…

At any rate, check out the recipe, and give me your recipes. tips, tricks, advice, and heavily guarded family recipe secrets in the comments.

Also – What do you call them?

3 stuffed cabbage rolls & mashed potatoes on a plate, with a side of bread.
A close up of the inside of my stuffed cabbage roll
A collage of my ingredients putting together the stuffed cabbage.

Here’s what I did. ๐Ÿคท

Get It:

  • 1 head of cabbage.
  • 4-ish lbs. of ground beef. (I used 3 lbs of 8/20 & 1 lb. of 90/10)
  • 2 eggs
  • ยฝ Yellow Bell Pepper
  • ยฝ Spanish Onion
  • 1 cup shredded carrots (I bought a bag and I’ll use it for other stuff too.)
  • 1 beef bullion cube
  • 1 stick of butter
  • 3 23.2 oz. cans condensed Tomato Soup
  • Bread crumbs (Do I look like I measure stuff? Probably a cup and a half?)
  • Shredded Parmesan Cheese (in the ‘lil fancy container by the expensive cheese)
  • Minced Garlic (just have the jar ready I’m lazy and don’t crush/mince my own)
  • Spices. I used salt, black pepper, white pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, Season All, & Table Blend. (I just throw it on at every step indiscriminately with complete abandon and total anarchy.)

Do it:

  1. Preheat Your oven to 400ยฐ.
  2. Get a stock pot, fill it enough to cover your cabbage. Drop in the bullion cube, and salt, minced garlic, and whatever seasoning your heart desires, and crank it to high with the lid on.
  3. Chop your onion in half. Toss half in the boiling water, but take the lid off first & then put it back on.
  4. Mince the rest of the onion.
  5. Cut up the yellow pepper. Feed half to your kids, the dog, or your significant other. Or just eat it. That’s the perk of being the cook. Mince the other half.
  6. Pull out a handful of the minced carrots, a big knife, and what them up until they are tiny pieces of shredded carrots. Our dog loves carrots, so I sprinkled some on her food bowl.
  7. I greased 3 glass baking dishes with the stick of butter. I used a 9″x13″, an 8″x9″, & a 9″x9″ because that’s what I had. I swear we broke like 3 glass dishes last summer.
  8. Melt what can surely be described as an obscene amount of butter in a skillet and sautรฉ the onion, then the pepper & carrots on medium heat. I was sure to hit them with onion powder, garlic powder, salt, & pepper. I like to cook onions slow & low.
  9. Drop the head of cabbage in your now boiling water while you’re doing all that. Yes, remove but do not replace the lid.
  10. Put the sautรฉed veggies aside and let them cool a bit while you get the meat mixture ready.
  11. Set up a colander or strainer over a large bowl, & get your tongs ready.
  12. Beat your eggs, & add spices.
  13. Mix the meat, eggs, breadcrumbs, some cheese, sautรฉed veggies, some minced garlic, and lots of spices. I do it by hand. I wash my hands very well before & after, so you probably should too. But hey, you do you.
  14. By this time, hopefully your cabbage has been boiling 10-ish minutes. Use tongs to gently peel one leaf at a time and place it lovingly in your colander. Don’t go too quick with it and splash/burn yourself, because I would definitely never ever do that.
  15. Open the cans of tomato soup and cover the bottom of your baking dishes.
  16. Get the leaf, cut out the bottom tough part of the leaf rib if so inclined, slap in your meat mixture, and wrap it like a burrito – folding in the ends part way through. I didn’t measure, I eyeballed the meat to leaf ratio.
  17. Fill the baking dish(es), pour on & season the rest of the condensed tomato soup, sprinkle on some more parmesan cheese, cover in foil, and bake for an hour.

Tips/Lessons Learned/Parting Thoughts:

  • I was going to bake it at 375ยฐ and I probably should have, taking the foil off for the last 15 min. They were well over the recommended 160ยฐ internal temp for ground beef. Maybe some browning/caramelizing would not be a bad thing?
  • I saw a lot of tips for freezing the cabbage instead of boiling it, but I also read just as many responses saying that it can drastically affect the texture and not in a good way.
  • I may put in back next time. Maybe inside? Maybe wrapped outside?
  • Hear me out… Reuben cabbage rolls. Corned beef? Sauerkraut? Thousand Island or Russian dressing? Rye breadcrumbs? (We make non-traditional stuffed peppers sometimes, too.)
  • If you like rice, by all means include it. Or barley, or any other grain. I considered those tiny lil’ pasta balls… but maybe I just like to say Acini de Pepe way too much. Some people recommended cauliflower rice, also.
  • Check out all my other recipes and let me know what you think!
  • I got some thoughts from more tips & feedback when I posted photos on the FB food group & Nextdoor, too.
  • Are you still reading? Check out the recipe, and give me your recipes. tips, tricks, advice, and heavily guarded family recipe secrets in the comments.

The Meatball Club

Posted on by Standard 4

So, yesterday I made spaghetti with homemade meatballs.โ€‚Today, I wanted a meatball sub.โ€‚I was thinking I still had some good buns from New Year’s day.โ€‚They were not good.โ€‚I had already melted the butter.โ€‚The store-brand white bread was calling to me.โ€‚A sandwich?โ€‚No, a club..,โ€‚Something worthy of shenanigans.

The Meatball Club: A double-decker meatball sandwich on toasted white bread, teeming with tasty sauce & melted Gruyere and Swiss cheese.
Behold:โ€‚The Meatball Club
The Meatball Club: A double-decker meatball sandwich on toasted white bread, teeming with tasty sauce & melted Gruyere and Swiss cheese. (Slightly more from the top.)
Look at that toasty goodness.
The Meatball Club: A double-decker meatball sandwich on toasted white bread, teeming with tasty sauce & melted Gruyere and Swiss cheese. (Cut open diagonally.)
Open up & say “Mmm!”
The Meatball Club: A double-decker meatball sandwich on toasted white bread, teeming with tasty sauce & melted Gruyere and Swiss cheese. (Cut open diagonally, from the top.)
If you don’t cut it diagonally, you’re doing it wrong.

It seemed to be a hit on various social media platforms, so I thought I’d share the love.โ€‚If you make one, please, post the photo, tag me (@AiXelsyD13 on just about everything), and let me know how it was!

The Meatballs:

I have shared my meatball ingredient secrets a quadruple of times:

I generally don’t measure, and make them different every time.โ€‚This time I fried them on medium-high in a large pan on the stove & a tiny bit of EVOO.

The Sauce:โ€‚

OK, gonna level with you.โ€‚I am not Italian.โ€‚This is going to make some people mad.โ€‚I use jarred sauce.โ€‚This was the cheap Aldi stuff.โ€‚Usually we get that or the Prego Three Cheese.โ€‚I add brown sugar & Parmesan/Romano shake cheese.โ€‚Sometimes, I even add shopped garlic, onion powder, or “Italian Seasoning.”โ€‚This time it was just brown sugar and cheese.โ€‚I don’t measure.โ€‚I toss a little in with abandon.โ€‚I like the sweetness & it cuts the acid.

The Club:

Get your stuff…

  • ยผ stick butter
  • Garlic powder
  • Onion powder
  • Parsley or (Italian Seasoning)
  • 6 or so leftover meatballs.
  • Shredded cheese (I had Gruyere & Swiss, but I would probably go for Mozzarella or Provolone, but the stuff I had was fantastic.)
  • “Shake Cheese” I had the cheap Giant Eagle brand Parmesan/Romano blend.
  • Three pieces of white bread.

Do it…

  1. Pre-heat the oven to 390ยฐ on the air fryer setting.
  2. Melt the butter w/ garlic powder, onion powder, & parsley to taste in a microwave save bowl in 30 second intervals, stirring in between until it’s a liquid.
  3. Put the bread on a baking dish, brush on the melted butter after a good stir.โ€‚(I just did the top sides.)
  4. Air fry for 2 minutes, & it gets almost crispy on top, the bottom was nice and toasted.
  5. While you’re doing that nuke the meatballs & sauce on a microwave safe plate for 2 min. (or longer if needed.)
  6. Pull the toast out.โ€‚(I cut the meatballs in half with a spoon then scooped them and the sauce on to two of the slices of bread.)
  7. Top the meatballs with the shredded cheese.
  8. Put the “shake cheese” on the 3rd slice of bread.
  9. Put it back in on air fry for for 4 or 5 minutes.
  10. Pull it out, assemble it like a tower of gluttony, then slice it diagonally with a giant serrated bread knife for dramatic effect.
  11. Take a photo to share & make people hungry.

That’s it.โ€‚It took a little bit of time & prep, but it was worth it.

Notes:

  • If you cook & have your own meatball or sauce recipe, of course do that.
  • Use whatever kind of cheese you want, shredded, or sliced, or whatever.
  • I would guess you can use the oven on 375ยฐ-ish on a regular setting for a bit longer times, or a counter top air fryer.
  • You could also probably do all of it in the air fryer from cooking the meatballs to melting the butter if you have the appropriate vessels.
  • If you slice it in rectangles and not triangles, you are a psychopath.

Discussion:

  • If you’re out of sausage or sub buns, or hot dog buns, what are you using?โ€‚Pita?โ€‚Tortilla?โ€‚Soft Pretzel?โ€‚Dinner Rolls?โ€‚Bisquick?โ€‚Crescent roll dough?
  • Please, tell me in the comments how wrong it is to use jarred sauce or add brown sugar.
  • Share with me your meatball secrets.
  • Do you like the powdery shake cheese or the fancy stuff?
  • Do you make a forbidden sandwich?โ€‚What is it?
  • Is this a Meatball Club, or a Meatball Melt?

This is why I had leftover meatballs: