Tag Archives: Oregon Trail

Diarrhea & the CDC

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With the world plunged into chaos due to COVID-19, it is important to remember other ways to keep safe.

Diarrhea and swimming don't mix!

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Thankfully, the CDC has your back! They also have secured the services of a graphic designer that is nothing short of a hero.

Diarrhea will never not be funny. Well, maybe if you lived at the time of the Oregon Trail it may have not been funny.

Diarrhea makes me laugh. Pizza Hut and Taco Bell jokes make me laugh. Remember the Pizza Hut maze and tweet? Government makes me laugh. Twitter makes me revile in disgust, but also laugh.

I wonder if the government or Yum! Brands will reply?

I once got a proclamation about food allergies from then-Governor Ed Rendell containing the word diarrhea and I was ecstatic.

This was equally exciting.

DON'T SWIM WITH DIARRHEA
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Patience is a virtue. Totino’s pushes the boundaries of scientific research thanks to me.

Posted on by Standard 1

arrange the rolls in a circle on a plate

“arrange the rolls in a circle on a plate”

Oh man.Β  Does anyone remember my W(aL)D email shenanigans from a decade ago?

One such adventure was writing to Totino’s to ask if they had recommendations for microwaving more than 6 at a time.Β  They wrote back.Β  I asked them if I needed to arrange the rolls like wagon wheel spokes or like wagons on the Oregon Trail circling for protection.Β  I even got some 35Β’ coupons that I considered as a research grant.

Have you noticed pizza roll cooking instructions lately?

I won! Information for the people! Research to benefit the masses!

Really though.Β  This brings up a new series of questions.

When did just arranging in “a single layer become” acceptable?Β  Who does Totino’s think they are discarding the time-honored tradition of microwaving things in a circle?Β  Did we learn nothing from our ancestors at Stonehenge?Β  Did they consult the Softstix team over at SuperPretzel, or just roll forward (pun still intended) with wild abandon?Β  How do you summon the flavor spirits without the ceremonial circle?

Has the Fibonacci spiral ever been tested as a cooking pattern?Β  Can Ci3 make me a plate specifically for microwaving pizza rolls and little cheese-filled pretzels with the Fibonacci spiral on it?

Totino's Pizza Roll Microwave Instructions