I generally always park far out in a parking lot. I purposely like a bugger space. I back in or pull-through.
If I’m the white car, and you’re a red X, you suck. Am I alone in this?
I also hate it when there are 10 gas pumps, 9 are free, and someone pulls into the opposite side of the same one as me.
Tell me you’re not one of these people.
I need a new keyring. I haven’t ever been able to find one that meets my needs. Perhaps my expectations are too high. Perhaps there is no such thing as the perfect keyring. Perhaps I need to spend more money on one. Why is it so difficult? Does anyone else have a keyring problem?
I guess I should explain myself.
I have a lot of keys. I like to keep them all in one place. I want a keyring where I can break-off my car keys & my wife’s car keys quickly & easily. I recently bought a keyring that has a bunch of little carabiner-looking S-clips on it. Let me show you:
Ridiculous Key Ring
Besides the fact that I have entirely too many keys, this keyring set up is juts not working out. I want something that makes the vehicle keys quickly & easily removable. I don’t want them to fall off on their own. Arrow A shows one of the broken little S-clips that snags my pocket constantly. These have also broken themselves free inside my pocket… or on the way out of my pocket. I’ve dropped my house key on more than one occasion with this setup. Then again, arrow B points to a traditional keyring provided by the dealer… which has also come loose in my pocket. I spent about 20 minutes looking for my keyless entry remote the other day after it loosened itself & ended up on the floor of my truck.
Apparently, when you pull keys out of your pocket, they help turn any loosened items into projectiles. It’s just a matter if time until this happens over a storm drain or sewer grate.
There is the old-fashioned normal keyring, but I always seem to be able to only find weak ones… or ones that make it nearly impossible to just give the guys at the oil change place your truck keys and not some crazy giant bundle of chaos that might scatter my keys all over the place.
I’ve also tried those quick-release keyrings, but they eventually fail too when the spring dies. Then there’s the “lucky line” kind, but it would throw some being easily removable out the window. I’m at a loss as to what exactly the next step should be.
Keyrings
What do you do? Do you have keyring problems? Am I alone on this key-dropping crap? Your advice would be welcomed.
Every time I go to a Walmart, Target, Kmart, etc. I’m driven slightly mad. Sure, part of it is because of the stores themselves or the employees who seem to be rather uninterested in working… But most of the problem is the other shoppers. I was going to put a percentage on it, but I’m not sure I can. I think is a small percentage of idiots with a largely negative impact. Well, idiot just implies that they’re stupid. I think it’s more inconsiderate than stupid. I’m talking about people who are generally unaware of the needs, thoughts, and feelings of everyone around them. The best word that I can think of (even though I generally try to avoid being vulgar in print) is asshole. We all know what kind of person that describes. If I owned/ran a department store, I would try to prevent the behavior that goes with this type of personality.
Parking Lot
Curbing unacceptable behavior would start in the parking lot (pun intended). One of my favorite blogs calls these people “Peter Parkers.” They’re where the problem begins. If your jackass behavior can’t make it through the parking lot, we’ll hope you don’t even bother to come in to the store. Whether we’re talking about people driving & parking the wrong way in one way lanes, people who park over the lines, people who don’t slow down/stop at cross-walks, or people who park in handicapped spaces or on the line-covered spaces near the handicapped spaces. That’s just the drivers… Don’t forget that people need to learn how to walk to their car in a parking lot too.
Crossing Guard
To curtail all of this inconsiderate conduct we’d have meter maids, crossing guards, and cameras. I guess the meter maids wouldn’t have meters to read, they’d just be parking enforcers. Cars parked over painted lines, at curbs, or in handicapped spaces without proper tags will be towed. Immediately. I’m saying we’d go after them mere seconds after it happens, perhaps as their door is being shut. The parking enforcers wouldn’t be like the people on that TV show where they argue. They’d just do their job. I’d have a tow truck or two on site at all times. I have no tolerance for people who think that rules somehow don’t apply to themselves. (I’m talking about inconsequential rules here like how to conduct yourself in society. I think it’s always good to question authority & what not… but that doesn’t apply here where you’re just being a self-indulgent dolt.)
People entering & exiting the store wouldn’t have the free reign to walk out into oncoming traffic. Somehow (here in PA at least) people have taken “pedestrians have the right of way” to the extreme, where the actual law is that they have the right of way in crosswalks. Everywhere else, you’re fair game. A crossing-guard would facilitate safe passage and at the same prevent a traffic jam like you get in the front of every Walmart or Giant Eagle when an endless stream of lackadaisical shoppers lumber slowly in front of you without glancing in your direction as you sit in your auto waiting for a break in the action. If the people who like to park wherever they please or run into oncoming traffic with faith in an imaginary no-fault law somehow don’t feel welcome in my department store, then good. We’ve successfully weeded out the first wave of assholes. If they have learned to conduct themselves in a respectful manner while spending time in my controlled outdoor environment, then let ’em in!
Amish parking
(Oh yeah, bicycles would have their own parking lot… they’d share it with buggies & horses in Amish country, and buses would roll to the edge of the parking lot, not right to the front door causing endless amounts of chaos.)
Inside the store, we’d have checkout lines like the bank, Wendy’s, or Best Buy. People can be incredibly ignorant when it comes to getting in line. It’s certainly not everyone, but there are a select few who ruin it for everyone else. See any McDonalds or Sheetz without the rope at lunch time. It’s absolute chaos.
Queue Area
I know they’re not department stores… but it’s easier to see the same behavior there as it’s more concentrated. It would eliminate getting into line behind the people who want to put things back, use expired coupons, write checks, talk on their phones, shop for everything in the impulse-buy section, or search for their method of payment long after everything is rung up.
In fact, no checks. All it does is slow things down. It’s 2012. It’s almost 2013. If you have a bank account, you have a debt card or credit card, some of them are even called check cards now. Use it. Don’t use that antiquated paper log-book that does nothing but slow things down for everyone.
In my store, there would be no greeter that avoids eye contact completely or looks at you like you’re the grim reaper come to take them to hell. Maybe there would be a robot there to say hello. At least a robot could fake sincerity more efficiently.
Even though it doesn’t have to do with behavior exactly, the restrooms would have faucets in the sinks (with hot water) that you can fit your hands under, paper towels that are actually stocked regularly, hand dryers that actually dry your hands, and soap. No foam soap, no hand sanitizer, no bathroom attendants to do it for you. It might put people in a better mood if they can be comfortable.
I’m sure there are many other things I’d have to put in place, and many other bad customer behavior… but these are the ones I can think of now.
What would you do to make a trip to a department store more tolerable? Would you enjoy it if stores weeded out the a-holes? Are you one of the people who behaves like an a-hole by parking in the wrong spots, jumping to lines in front of people, and walking like an idiot in the parking lot? Please, share your thoughts in the comments section below!
last minute shoppers. (Photo credit: the idealist)
This Week It’s 2 “Prependicular” Peter Parkers!
This is genius. Tired of being able to do nothing when you see someone parked like a Jagoff? Now you can do something about it. Check out these perpendicular Peter Parkers as an example, and check out the printable parking “tickets”!
Just don’t damage anyone’s car (especially stickered or flagged ones), and don’t get caught and/or shot in the process.
One of these days I need to capture the people that park on the yellow-lined triangle int he middle of the lot at the Kuhn’s on Banksville. They usually stop there to disrupt traffic when going to the ATM or Starbucks.
YaJagoff.com | Printable Parking Notes: Do NOT ruin anyone’s vehicle!!
Snap a photo, place the ticket, and they can watch for themselves online. I only wish there was a way to call out the Peter Parkers who can’t Parallel Park on the street in front of my house.
I might need to make a custom one that says something like this:
Hey Jagoff New People That Just Moved Here,
Why has the number of cars on our street doubled since you’ve moved in? Please note that there’s an alley behind your house where you can park two (or at least one) of those cars. I don’t have an alley behind my apartment, so that’s not an option for me. Help make the neighborhood an easier place to park by not being a Jagoff.
Respectfully,
Your Grumpy Jagoff Neighbor
Or this:
Hey Jagoff That Visits Someone Here A Few Nights A Week,
Your truck is as long as a school bus, and is probably as wide. I appreciate that your solution is to sometimes park with a tire on the sidewalk, but that’s not really cool. It’s also not cool to take up 3 spaces by parking a half car-length (or quarter truck-length) away from the vehicle in front of and or behind you. I appreciate that you probably can’t see from your seat that’s 2 stories high… so maybe you should just park in the lot at the bottom of the hill & walk to wherever you need to go.
Thanks,
A Jagoff that actually lives in this neighborhood
Or even this:
Dear Jagoff Neighbors,
How is it possible that you have a picnic, birthday party, barbecue, bonfire, or gathering for a sporting event every weekend? Why is the gathering place for your entire extended family at your house? Don’t you ever go to their houses? Why is it that I can’t make a trip to CVS or anywhere else close by on a weekend without my space getting filled before I return? Do you have a lookout on the porch doing some sort of jagoff valet where you move all of your cars closer? Do you like to watch me carry 20 bags of groceries for 2 blocks? There is a parking lot at the bottom of the hill for your family. We occasionally like to entertain on the weekends too. We tell people to park in the lot.
Thanks,
A Jagoff Neighbor
Okay, I need to go do something to calm down.
Checkout this review of my new favorite badass album from Fist Fight in the Parking Lot:
Valley of Steel | Out Today: Fist Fight in the Parking Lot – Self-Titled
Fist Fight in the Parking Lot
Eric’s got a cool blog, a good ear, a great site, and a cool name. Why wouldn’t we value his opinions? Read that, then buy the disc. Buy a download & a CD like me. Buy a copy for a friend.
I’ve been listening today & I really dig it. It’s very Sabbath & Sword-like to my ears… it’s got metal, rock, groove, and a great feel. My head couldn’t decide whether to bob or bang.
Also, they’re all just really cool people. Congratulations to them for crafting such a great disc, & to everyone who helped them get it together & push it out there.
This is the kind of band I’m glad to have represent Pittsburgh, unlike some others I won’t mention. They’re getting mad press lately. Are they the saviors of the Pittsburgh Rock scene? Listen to the album & you decide.
http://twitter.com/#!/FFITPL/status/172680959097978881
http://twitter.com/#!/FFITPL/status/172536291135717377
http://twitter.com/#!/FFITPL/status/172391377802502145
http://twitter.com/#!/FFITPL/status/171994774574874624
http://twitter.com/#!/FFITPL/status/172344295695712256
I didn’t blog this, but it could easily be one of my road rage rants. People are ridiculous, especially this blue truck driving Jagoff Yinzer:
Some people just need a swift kick in the ass, even if it’s only figurative. So, please, read the post, enjoy, & add YaJagoff.com to your reader or follow them on Facebook or Twitter something. You won’t be disappointed!
YaJagoff.com | Jagoff Super Hero In Action!
There’s a problem I’ve noticed over the years since I first got my driver’s license. It’s ridiculous, rampant, and totally uncalled for. It doesn’t have as much to do with driving as it does walking, but I consider it a road-related issue.
People don’t know how to walk in parking lots. They have this “pedestrian has the right of way” mentality that has inexplicably warped into a strange sense of entitlement and devilish pleasure in making you the motorist yield to their ambling nonchalance.
Below, I have an illustration (thanks to Google Maps) of the new Market District parking lot in Robinson. Please take a moment to study & understand before you move on to the next paragraph.
I get worked up about this quite easily (obviously I guess), and my thoughts are all over the place… so I’ll try to make my points concise with the aid of a bulleted list. (I have blogged about this before too, if you find that you need further reading.) I really would like to start a discussion on this in the comments if you’re so inclined.
Focusing mostly on the middle-of-the-lane walkers, but also on the anglers, and the “too cool for the crosswalk”-ers, I’d just like to comment on the types of people that I believe they may be.
First, there are the truly oblivious. I believe this to be the smallest sect of the parking lot meanderites. I think some people are just really not all that aware of their surroundings, and have no comprehension of the havoc that they wreak around themselves. (Arguably, stopping time in a parking lot is not exactly “wreaking havoc”, but it sure bites my ass.) These people are just like Mr. Bean, and since Mr. Bean is somewhat of a lovable character, I can forgive these people. If you know one of them, please tell them about parking lot urgency. If you don’t know one of them… walk more quickly, in straight angles, in designated areas, and close to the cars in parking lots. (Because you are one of them.)
Then we have category #2. The entitled. They’re a pedestrian. They always have the right of way, and that’s it. In their minds, anyway. I’d like these people to see what Pennsylvania law has to say…
Title 75 of the Pennsylvania Consolidated Statutes, contains the laws which govern the operation of vehicles on Pennsylvania roads.
Chapter 35: SPECIAL VEHICLES AND PEDESTRIANS
Subchapter C: Rights and Duties of PedestriansSection 3541. Obedience of pedestrians to traffic-control devices and regulations
(a) Traffic control devices.—A pedestrian shall obey the instructions of a police officer or other appropriately attired person authorized to direct, control or regulate traffic.(b) Traffic and pedestrian-control signals.—Local authorities by ordinance may require pedestrians to obey traffic and pedestrian-control signals as provided in sections 3112 (relating to traffic-control signals) and 3113 (relating to pedestrian-control signals).
Section 3542. Right-of-way of pedestrians in crosswalks.
(a) General rule.—When traffic-control signals are not in place or not in operation, the driver of a vehicle shall yield the right-of-way to a pedestrian crossing the roadway within any marked crosswalk or within any unmarked crosswalk at an intersection.(b) Exercise of care by pedestrian.—No pedestrian shall suddenly leave a curb or other place of safety and walk or run into the path of a vehicle which is so close as to constitute a hazard.
and…
Section 3543. Pedestrians crossing at other than crosswalks.
(a) General rule.—Every pedestrian crossing a roadway at any point other than within a crosswalk at an intersection or any marked crosswalk shall yield the right-of-way to all vehicles upon the roadway.(b) At pedestrian tunnel or overhead crossing.—Any pedestrian crossing a roadway at a point where a pedestrian tunnel or overhead pedestrian crossing has been provided shall yield the right-of-way to all vehicles upon the roadway.
(c) Between controlled intersections in urban district.—Between adjacent intersections in urban districts at which traffic-control signals are in operation pedestrians shall not cross at any place except in a marked crosswalk.
(d) Crossing intersection diagonally.—No pedestrian shall cross a roadway intersection diagonally unless authorized by official traffic-control devices or at the discretion of a police officer or other appropriately attired person authorized to direct, control or regulate traffic. When authorized to cross diagonally, pedestrians shall cross only in accordance with the signal pertaining to the crossing movements.
And the best part…
Section 3552. Penalty for violation of subchapter.
Any pedestrian violating any provision of this subchapter is guilty of a summary offense and shall, upon conviction, be sentenced to pay a fine of $5.
Interesting, no? I’m not sure if these apply any differently in a parking lot, as it’s probably private property… but I’d love to see an officer out there passing out $5 tickets for every butthole who steps boldly out in front of a moving car with the incorrect assumption that “pedestrians always have the right of way”. Why not? I mean, they’re cracking down on parking in the South Side after years of chaos. Is this any less ridiculous?
The third and last group? The spiteful. They know you’re anxious to get by, but they don’t care. They derive pleasure in knowing that you’re most likely impatiently waiting to move forward at a speed that actually registers on your speedometer, but that they alone have the power to prevent that from happening. Maybe they had a bad day and want to pass along the crappy karma. Maybe they have a controlling spouse, boss, or family member, and this is how they lash out. This is the group that turns to look at you, but continues to walk down the middle of a driving lane instead of moving to one side so you can get by. This is the woman that stops mid-stride and mid-lane to dig through her purse for her car keys while you idle and boil. This is the group of teenage boys that walks 4 wide and dresses “hard” like they from the streets thanks to mom’s credit card and Journey’s or Hot Topic. This is the wide-angle walker who sees you approaching, but instead of walking straight across the lane quickly looks straight ahead in their “5 rows over from where they started” path. They’re also the ones who let you follow them down the echelon of filled of parking spaces during the holiday shopping season, and cut over to the next row or put bags in their car and proceed to walk right back where they came from without giving you the courtesy wave-off or the universally understood over-exaggerated mouthing of “I’m not leaving” while shaking their head and pointing or waving their arms. I suspect that they’re also the people who double-dip, don’t flush public toilets, and kick puppies.
That should just about cover it. So please, pass this along so we can all get on the same page.
Some people will do anything to save a parking space…
So, the parking walker has taken root in other neighborhoods. Perhaps this will one day replace that parking chair. I certainly would have an easier time moving a chair than a walker if it came down to it. This was sent to me by my friend Jason that lives over in Morningside, it was around the corner from his place.
By the way, I did see the parking chair pile as was threatened to happen by the Dormont police. We drove by too fast to snap a photo… but I’ll try to get back there before it’s gone. No word if any walkers made it into the pile.
I don’t know why, but I find these stories highly amusing.
From: http://www.wpxi.com/news/22718732/detail.html
WPXI.com wrote: Dormont Police Tagging, Seizing Parking Spot Holders
Posted: 3:31 pm EST March 2,2010Updated: 8:31 am EST March 3,2010
DORMONT, Pa. — Using chairs to save parking spots on streets might be a Pittsburgh-area tradition, but one municipality has had enough.
Dormont police will no longer tolerate chairs on streets.
The police department on Tuesday began tagging chairs residents left to save parking spaces. Chairs that remain on the streets will be removed Wednesday and taken to the Dumpster at Banksville Plaza, police said.
Because of the recent heavy snow, the borough had tolerated residents using chairs to save parking spots, police Chief Phil Ross said.
However, when officers recently went around and put the chairs on the sidewalks, residents promptly put the furniture back on the streets, he said.
From: http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/news/pittsburgh/s_669619.html?source=rss&feed=7
PittsburghLive.com wrote: Dormont begins campaign against chairs for parking spaces
FOR THE PITTSBURGH TRIBUNE-REVIEW
Tuesday, March 2, 2010Dormont’s police department has declared war on chairs.
Dormont residents who are leaving chairs to ensure parking spaces are saved will find their chairs tagged today and picked up Wednesday, Police Chief Phil Ross said.
“I understand if you spent four hours digging yourself out you tend to get a little possessive,” said Ross, appearing at Monday’s council meeting. He said the department has been tolerant during the past three weeks due to the severe weather conditions. Recently, however, when officers put the chairs on the sidewalk, the residents later stuck the chairs back in the parking spaces.
“Maybe they thought kids were doing it,” Ross said. “The parking spaces belong to everybody and nobody.”
After the pick-up, the chairs will be left near the Dumpster by the salt pile at Banksville Plaza.
The parking chair saga continues, despite the guilt put forth by the parking walker.
World (and Lunar) Domination 