The Pittsburgh Tunnel Monster gets national attention?


Well, sort of.  The buzz around town on the news & radio lately has been about a survey by a GPS data company called INRIX that calls the sweet spot from Greentree to the Fort Pitt tunnels on the Parkway West here in the ‘Burgh the worst traffic outside of New York or Los Angeles.  Read the Post-Gazette article for all the juicy details.  Here’s an excerpt…

According to INRIX, it takes an average of 13 minutes — nine more than it should — to traverse that stretch. That doesn’t count the time it takes to get there, as morning backups now routinely spill well down the back side of Green Tree Hill and sometimes past Carnegie.

At a delay of nine minutes a day, for a regular commuter that works out to about 36 hours a year down the rat hole, just for the morning rush. According to INRIX, drivers on the 10 worst U.S. corridors may squander up to 60 hours a year stuck in traffic.

Those who while away their mornings in the daily tangle might be inclined to dream of a wider Parkway West or new tunnels drilled through Mount Washington, but financial and topographic realities make that a bit like yearning for world peace.

105.9 WXDX-FM

105.9 WXDX-FM

The guys on the X were talking about it yesterday morning, so I sent Bob a link to my Tunnel Monster blog.  Bob posted it on their morning show blog & I’ve been getting mad hits today because if it.  Ha ha.  Thanks guys!

I do have to say though that the Steely McBeam tunnel monster image isn’t mine.  Someone named Angry Mongo posted it first.

I have one more “artist rendering” from Eric Yano (I’d still like to see more!):

Flying Tunnel Monster

Flying Tunnel Monster (by Eric Yano / Valley of Steel)

And here was the letter to MythBusters & Dirty Jobs, that didn’t get a reply from anyone…

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Mon, Feb 27, 2012
Subject: The Pittsburgh Tunnel Monster (Mythbusters & Dirty Jobs team-up?)
To: jamie@m5industries.com, mythbusters@m5industries.com, adam@adamsavage.com, info@mikeroweworks.com, torybelleci@gmail.com, swift@buchwald.com
Cc: info@beyondaction.com.au

Dear Duke of Dirt and Sultans of Science (or Emperors of Explosions?),

I’m a big fan of both of your shows, I believe that I have been watching since the first season of each, and have seen almost all (if not all) of the collective episodes.  My wife & I enjoy the Saturday morning/afternoon marathon runs of each, sometimes they prevent us for doing anything productive (except learning while being entertained of course) for most of the day.  My favorite Dirty Jobs moment has to be an early one… where Mike was at the charcoal factory & asking the guy how you can burn it after it has already been burned and the guy either didn’t know the answer or comprehend the question and started to get irate.  It set the tone for the rest of the series!  Of course I love all the dirty gross stuff like expressing the anal glands during pet grooming… who knew?  Having worked an assembly line myself, I really appreciate that you manage to shed light on jobs that most people never even think about (or know existed).  With Mythbusters, I don’t know how to pick a favorite… I loved the ninja & pirate myths, the ancient mirror laser thing, all of the movie scene recreations (or attempted recreations), the many abuses of Buster, and for some odd reason… the car filled entirely with A/B foam.

If I’m not watching the Discovery Network, I’m over on the History Channel.  My wife likes to remind me that we have about 200 other channels.  I don’t need them, really.

I first attempted this (intentionally humorous) pitch to the people over at history with MonsterQuest or MysteryQuest in my sights.  I had assumed I’d receive some sort of “Yeah, whatever goofball” type of reply.  Sadly I have not received any reply at all.

The more I thought about it, I feel that this is a serious subject.  It would work for Mythbusters… not sure how you could word the myth… but basically your task would be to get to the bottom of seemingly inexplicable tunnel traffic/congestion.  You could look at how people slow down when approaching, how throwing a roadside distraction (like a car accident) in there would effect things?

As for Mr. Rowe, I’m sure that working in a tunnel is a dirty job.  There are nightly cleanings/work in the Liberty tubes some times… and someone sets out traffic cones every day for the changing of a lane’s direction when going into/coming out of the tunnel.  I’m also guessing that being a Mythbuster (or one of their crew) is a dirty job.  Pittsburgh is a little Hollywood lately, why not capitalize on it by coming to check out our little town?  I know Grant & Tori were at the Zabmelli firework factory in New Castle once!

Did you see the incredibly forced Pawn Stars/American Pickers/American Restoration crossover?  You guys could do way better than that, and it would be unscripted.

Here’s the meat of my original email…

I believe that we have a monster in the Pittsburgh area that you may want to check out.  It’s affectionately referred to as the Tunnel Monster.  People in the southwestern Pennsylvania area live in a great fear of the Tunnel Monster.  Many yinzer drivers slow down as they approach any area tunnel… but most especially the Fort Pitt Tunnels, Liberty “Tubes”, and the Squirrel Hill Tunnels.  I’ve heard theories that the tunnel monster also perhaps takes shelter in one or all of the three rivers when not lurking in the tunnel.

Fear seems to increase in times of rain, snow, and (perhaps strangely) before sporting events, holiday festivities, and large concerts.  I believe we have weekday tunnel anxiety between 7:00am & 9:00am, and again from 2:00pm to 7:00pm at all tunnels.  I’ve never heard a first-hand account of an actual sighting, but it’s clear that there is something strange happening at these locations.  There are also spikes of Tunnel Monster fear when traffic accidents happen nearby.  Perhaps the tunnel monster feeds on broken down cars, flat tires, or the corpses left in the wake of fatal accidents?  Rubberneckers seem to be ripe for the picking also.

I have personally seen 18-wheelers get to the entrance of a tunnel and turn completely around, most likely out of fear of the tunnel monster perhaps lurking within the yellow-hued florescent-lit man made caverns.  Some people go through the entire length of a tunnel holding their breath so the tunnel monster doesn’t steal it, or honking their horn the entire way to scare it off.  I’ve seen motorcycles and ambulances go right down the center line at accelerated speeds, no doubt trying to avoid a tragic end.  I’ve even heard of people tapping the roof of their car when spotting a Padiddle to ward off the evil tunnel monster.  The theory perhaps being that the tunnel monster is on the hood of the other car, and its webbed fin (a paddle or “padiddle”) is blocking one headlight.

I have seen strange markings on the inside of they Liberty Tunnels, but they have since been covered-over.  They were strange numbers and hieroglyphic-like symbols that appeared right before a construction project.  Do you think the crews working in the tunnel are in any danger?  Perhaps it’s a conspiracy?  Are they in there hunting for the tunnel monster under the guise of construction efforts while they cover up the monster’s cave paintings?  Could the monster be some sort of Neanderthal, or perhaps a supernatural being, or some sort of demon?

There are countless videos on YouTube documenting fearless drives through the Fort Pitt Tunnels, but I don’t believe that any concrete video evidence has been recorded.  I have attached some artist renderings of the Tunnel Monster that I have found on the internet.  Perhaps you would like your experts to interview the area residents and come up with your own?

I really would like someone to get to the bottom of this Tunnel Monster thing, and I believe that Monster Quest is perfectly suited for the job!  Thank you for your time, I hope to hear from you soon!

So, now you know where my thought process has gone, & how it has developed.  I’d love your consideration for this idea.  Please don’t make me turn to TV shows that I don’t watch like Billy the Exterminator or Dog the Bounty Hunter.

Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you!

Not afraid of the Tunnel Monster,
-Waldo Lunar

I tried message boards, email addresses, all kinds of outlets… all to no avail.  Party poopers.

Maybe this will get a reply:

Should I try PennDOT or the city of Pittburgh next?

Fort Pitt Tunnel

The Monster’s Lair | Fort Pitt Tunnel (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Goofy Search Terms


Lots of people looking, no one commenting.

Amusing Search Terms
Search Views
dibella’s allergen info 1
Not sure if I have that here… Try their website?
dey mylan commercial 2
dey mylan epipen commercial 1
dey pharma tv ad 1
dey pharmaceuticals ad on tv 1
epi pen tv commercial 1
epipen commercial 3
epipen commercial 2012 1
epipen mylan ad 1
epipen tv ad 3
epi-pen tv ad mother cafe 1
faan and epi pen commercial 2
mylan dey epi 2
mylan dey pharmaceuticals epipen add. max’s birthday 5
mylan dey pharmasuducals epi pen add. max’s birthday 3
mylan epi pen commercial 1
mylan epipen ad 5
retracted epipen commercial 1
Boy did that ad get everyone’s panties in a bunch!
allergen cartoon 1
allergies funny 1
food allergy cartoon 2
food allergy fun 4
funny allergy cartoons 2
image for food allergy fun is this gun loaded 1
Check out Food Allergy Fun for the best food allergy cartoons!
allergy graph 2
food allergies graphs 2
food allergy graph 2
food allergy graphs 2
food allergy pie charts 2
food allergy pie charts 2
food allergy statistics graph 2
graph related to food 2
graphs and tables on food intolerance 1
graphs for food allergens 1
pie graph children food allergies 2
You like stats, don’t you?  I doubt my graph was much help.  Are you using this for a report for your schoolwork?
“rep. matt smith” and food allergy 1
emergency epi pen act 1
the emergency epipen bill 1
I’d like a consumer push, but legislation is nice too.
allergy seafood 2
are scallops a sea bug (Yes.) 1
blog allergic reaction to shellfish 1
coworkers friends and family don’t understand my shellfish allergy (Preach on! & Read this & this & this.)
2
crab allergy 1
jimmy john’s sandwiches fish allergy 1
joe’s crab shack allergy 1
no shellfish 3
pill bug allergy (They are creepy & they’re crustaceans.) 1
pizza hut shellfish allergy 1
seafood allergy warning 2
shellfish allergies and the beach 1
shellfish allergy 3
shellfish allergy can you touch penguins 1
shrimp allergy 1
shrimp sub 2
Where are you people Leave some comments!
allergen warning sign 8
allergy warning sign 2
anaphylaxis poster 2
design a present a poster that promotes anaphylaxis 3
food allergies poster 5
food allergies what you need to know posters 1
food allergy awareness poster 1
food allergy warning sign 2
free allergy posters 3
I hope whoever wanted to “promote” anaphylaxis was just typing wrong.
sonic allergen 2
sonic allergen guide 1
sonic allergen info 2
sonic allergen information 2
sonic allergy information 30
sonic allergy menu 5
sonic food allergies 3
sonic food allergy info 1
sonic menu allergens 1
sonic restaurant allergy 1
sonic restaurant allergy information 1
Is Sonic hiding something? Why are so many searching for this & landing here?
ihop peanut allergy 1
kennywood allergic stupid people 1
allergen warning labels 1
gluten free dining in pennsylvania dutch country 1
allergen warning 4
allergy awareness week 2012 1
allergy to tylenol cartoon 2
ammaria johnson and others 2
anaphylaxis stories 2
cross contamination and allergens 1
epipen priceline 2
food allergies 1
katelyn carlson epi pen 2
Is someone at Kennywood saying they’re allergic to stupid people, or complaining about “stupid” paying customers with allergies?
amish beard 2
amish crime beard cut 2
amish gangs 2
Amish on Amish crime? Way to smash those non-violence stereotypes.
band names list 2
band names that have already been used 3
how to pick a band name 5
my facebook band name already taken 1
where to promote shows 2
Congratulations!  You took the first step to not having a stupid band name, or one that already exists.  What did you eventually settle on?
i don’t want a restroom attendant 1
Me either.  They’re creepy.
elcaganer 1
pepto poop 1
poop flush handle 2
what is your poo telling you 5
what’s your poo telling you 4
armchair reader or unclee johns bathroom reader which is better 1
Uncle John’s, hands (pants?) down.  They’re better written, better quality, and more informative & entertaining in general.
devil toilet sign 1
east german bathroom sign 2
funny toilet signs 2
girls toilet signs 2
hilarious bathroom signs 1
man woman toilet sign 2
men @ ladies sign 2
restroom signs for water parks animated 1
staff toilet signs 2
toilet sign boards 1
toilet signage cartoons 2
toilet signs 9
wc men sign mean 14
weird bathroom signs 4
cool mens womens bathroom 2
crazy men and women toilet signs 1
Did you find some good ones?
don’t forget to wash your hands 3
hand washing signage 3
not for hand wash signs 1
8 step hand wash technique in dentistry 1
do not forget to wash your hands 1
employees must wash hands sign 1
employees wash your hands signs law 2
free humorous bathroom hand washing signs 1
funny hand washing 2
hand hygiene campaign announcement 5
hand washing for kids step by step 1
hand washing instructions for kids 1
hand washing pictures print 5
incorrect hygiene signs 2
mcdonalds hand washing procedures 2
picture of someone with soap on their hands under running water cartoon 2
sing the birthday song wsh hands 1
the far side wash hands 2
the sign in bathrooms showing how to wash hands 2
wash and hygiene hand 2
wash hands sign 2
wash your hands 2
wash your hands after using the restroom 2
wash your hands sign 2
wash your hands sign for kids 2
washing hands comic 1
washing hands data 4
wet your hands under warm running water. 4
you must wash your hand 1
Hand washing is serious business. Glad to see so many are interested.  Make sure your instructions are possible… and that the employees aren’t mandated to wash your hands.
bathrooms in japan 2
crazy toilet 2
crazy toilets 2
directions for clean toilet 1
toilet too small 3
I have no idea what these would have linked to…
all the batmans 2
animated batman evolution 1
batman cinema evolution 1
batman cry baby tumblr 2
batman evolution 81
batman evolution 17
batman évolution 2
batman evolution’ 1
batman evolution comics 2
batman logo evolution 5
batman logo+evolution 4
batman symbol evolution 2
batman throughout history 2
evolution batman 3
evolution of batman 34
evolution of batman symbol 2
the evolution of batman 6
the evolution of the batman symbol 3
evolution of catwoman 1
évolution de iron man 2
This could be the costumes, the movie batmen, the comics, the logo… be more specific?Batman Evolution
6 flags batman guitar 2
6 flags grand pairie batman guitar 2
bat man guitars 4
batman electric guitar 2
batman electric guitar six flags 2
batman form of guitar 2
batman guitar 17
batman guitar 5
batman guitar six flags 11
batman guitars 2
batman logo guitar 2
batman logo guitar flying v 2
batman six flags 2
china electric guitar batman 2
customized batman guitar picks 3
dc comics superman electric guitar six flags (Not as cool as the Batman one.) 1
guitar batman logo 2
ibanez with batman logo 2
nguitars won from six flags 1
show me all of the old joker guitars that are dc comic 75050 2
six flags batman guitar 12
six flags batman guitar values 2
six flags grand prairie guitarra 2
six flags guitar 7
91 of you searched for the Batman guitar in some way.  Why did only 1 of you take the time to comment?  Tell me about yours!  (Check the Facebook page out too!)  Know anything about the manufacturer or where they’re purchased?
batman film joker 15
batman film joker 12
batman joker falls from bridge 2
batman jokers 2
joker 1966 toy 1
batman 1966 film 1
batman adam west 1
batman tv style 2
detective meme 2
adam west family guy meme 1
always be batman meme 2
batman cartoon comics memes 3
batman forever meme 1
batman memes 2
batman some days 1
batman vs bane meme 2
burt ward robin meme 2
comic book meme 3
i’m batman meme 2
meme batman y robin 2
gotham rogues shirt 1
gotham rogues tshirt 2
tom hardy meme 1
batman logo yellow circle 2
batman sky symbol 1
batman weird al 4
frame batman 1
smart car batman 5
visa batman 2
Batman Rules.
batman funny nanananana me 1
batman meme nanananana me 1
batman with a microphone 1
nanananaana batman 1
nanananana me 6
Looking for this?

Batman - Mic Check

Batman – Mic Check

calvin and hobbes pittsburgh 2
calvin and hobbes 6
calvin and hobbes tattoo strip 2
calvin hobbes tattoo 3
calvin’s dad it builds character. 2
comicstrips calvin and hobbes 2
hobbes attacking calvin 5
The world needs more Calvin and Hobbes.
cheerios smell like pee 7
my pee smells like cheerios 3
my urine smells like cheerios 1
pee smells like cheerios 30
urine smells like cheerios 20
why do cheerios smell like pee 2
why do cheerios smell of wee 1
why does my pee smell like cheerios 9
why does my urine smell like cheerios 4
Apparently this is a rampant problem that no one will comment on.  Perhaps I need to explore it further?
why don’t dry cleaners clean on weekends 1
sample dry cleaner flyers 4
blatant false advertising 1
dry cleaner brookline boulevard 1
false advertising 2
sample dry cleaner flyers 4
The more I think about it, Century Cleaners can eat a bag of dicks.  I’m just sayin’.
family reunion t shirts 2
family reunion.wordpress.com 1
Why did these land here?
arby’s berry sauce 1
arby’s bronco berry sauce buy 3
arby’s bronco billy sauce 1
arby’s poppers 3
copycat recipes arby’s bronco berry 1
make my own bronco berry sauce corn free 1
what a bronco berry 1
where can i buy bronco berry sauce 6
where can i find arbys jalapeno poppers sauce 1
Bronco Jalapeño demands justice They have tried to silence me with free Bronco Berry Sauce.  I will share it with the people.
arbys contest secret words gourmazing ingredients 1
arbys customer relations atlanta 1
arbys finger 1
arby’s finger 1
arbys letter 1
can you buy arby sauce 1
free arbys t shirt 2
good mood food 1
list of arby’s sauces 1
loaded potato bites back at arbys 1
What is an Arby’s Finger?  The glove guy, or something that should be in the Urban Dictionary?  (Oh crap, it’s a news story…)
3099 ogden steakhouse 1
catering advertisement 1
deli tip jar 2
fast food sign 1
mcdonalds fryer 4
they f__k you at the drivethrough  (Literally? I think that’s illegal.  And… who does?) 2
chick-fil-ainsiders.com 1
dan cathy undercover boss 2
dunkin warning 1
hot donuts sign 2
krispy kreme downfall 1
krispy kreme logo glow 2
krispy kreme sign 8
has panera fixed the chicken noodle soup (Nope.) 1
old panera chicken noodle soup recipe 1
panera employee view pau stubs 1
where does panera get their meat (Most likely from dead animals.) 1
pizza poop (Happen to you, too?) 2
supplier of pizza hut sauce (I bet they won’t tell you!) 1
phone number for quiznos helpdesk 1
what happened to all the quiznos 5
what happened to quiznos in pennsylvania 1
I asked, they didn’t seem to find it amusing in their answer.
sheetz headquarters 2
sheetz headquarters phone number 1
sheetz shrimp sub 2
Try Sheetz.com?
taco bell certificate 3
taco bell jokes for kids 1
taco bell pot head sign 2
taco bell receipt 3
weed taco pic 3
where is there not a taco bell for 900 miles (Excellent question! But, I think it was qualified by Taco Bell test markets serving the Doritos Locos thing.) 1
Maybe Taco Bell wanted to reply to my email, but were so high they just forgot?
dispute vincent’s pizza 1
vincents of green tree affiliated with vincents pizza park? (No.) 1
I heard Vincent’s in Forest Hills just closed.
best wendy’s review ever digg 2
hilarious wendy’s review 1
wendy’s review bawlin 3
wendy’s review funny share 2
wendy’s west liberty 2
I didn’t even write it.  Well, I did for the West Liberty one.
glenn danzig chick on his lap 3
eric “chupacabra” arce 2
jerry only 2
misfits and samhain 2
misfits mars attack .mp3 2
misfits ramones 2
mythfits misfits shirt 1
mythfits shirt mythbusters

The Mythfits

The Mythfits

2
saturday night misfits 2
the london dungeon news advert 2
what is wrong with dr. chud 1
where eagles dare misfits 3
the undead punk band 5
What is wrong with Dr. Chud?
meatloaf and cheese sandwich 2
7 lbs chipped ham in crock pot 2
barbecue sauce using ketchup and cola with chipped ham 2
gif bbq 1
the famous bbq restaurants logos of the world 3
beer helmet 3
where to find yuengling barbecue sauce 1
yuengling barbecue sauce 1
drink buttermilk with 1
how to drink buttermilk 2
old fashioned buttermilk drink 1
right time to drink buttermilk 1
turners charlies buttermilk 2
when to drink buttermilk 1
To all you haters: Buttermilk rules!
chili gi distress (Pepto’s Got U Covered!) 2
boyscout handbook electric hot dog cooker 1
do you need a cdl to drive the oscar weiner mobile (I doubt it, but it’s nice that you have a dream.  Good luck!) 1
hot dogs in toaster oven 1
how do resturants cook hot dogs (Many ways, no doubt.) 1
how to steam hot dog buns at home 1
redneck hot dog poke 2
caffiene gallikers tea 2
caffeine in turners iced tea with lemon 1
tea bird 1
turner tea carton 1
turners ice tea caffeine 1
turners iced tea caffeine 2
turners tea 3
does green tea have citric acid 1
does sweet tea have citric acid 1
where can i buy gallikers milk in pittsburgh 1
Turner’s is the best.  There’s only 1 tea in Pittsburgh, dig?
pillsbury 4
pictures of totino’s pizza rolls 2
funny graph about pizza (How about a maze?) 1
is snyder of hanover and snyder’s of berlin the same company? (No.) 1
snyder’s of berlin and hanover story 1
how do u make a food graph (Very carefully.) 1
super moms chicken caesar salad 1
Now I’m hungry.
cuce kısa poy pornosu 1
ich mochte frustig translation 1
lonely day ноты для гитары 2
nah kafa 1
stéfan le dû backstory 1
лабиринты 3
كيا بنجو 2013 1
What?
fender mini mt-10 4
fender mini twin mt-10 1
mini twin reverb 5
modifying fender mini twin 2
smokey amp 4
amplifier demonation (Is “demonation” turning it into a demon, or it’s possessed by a demon?) 1
I need to finish my mini-twin mod.
bacchus serials guitar 2
who manufacturers brownsville guitars 1
c 302 cimar guitar 3
cimar electric guitars 2
cort starfire guitar 2
elger guitar serial number 2
falcon guitars 3
copystratocaster performer 2
fender ‘g ii e’ 3
fender g-iie 3
fender strato japan 3
fender stratocaster american sender 2
fender stratocaster ukulele 2
long sleeve fender shirt 1
lunar fender 1
flipout guitar 5
flipout, lit cigarrete 2
If you have a FlipOut, let me know!  Share yours. Leave comments!
hagstrom deluxe f d2f 1
guitar graph funny 1
guitar squid flow chart 2
guitar stereotypes 1
guitarist stereotypes 5
ibanez 627 2
guitar lesson 4
guitar lesson a series of master classes 7
guitar lesson master class 1
guitar lesson poster free 2
guitar lessons 5
guitar lessons a master class 3
guitar lessons a series of master classics 2
guitar lessons and masters 2
guitar lessons series master classes 2
guitar master class 1
poster guitar lessons 2
I’m the last guy you wanna learn from.
guitarras new york pro 2
new york pro guitar company 1
new york pro guitars 1
new york pro strat bridge 2
what are new york pro guitars made of 1
what kinda wood is a new york pro guitar made of 3
Do you have a New York Pro too?  Know anything about them? Leave comments!
odd guitar 3
odd guitars 1
overseas guitars 2
ugliest guitar in the world 2
record guitar 2
tom bingham 3
vinyl record 2
vinyl record guitar (Mr. Bingham is an artist.) 2
wierd guitars (Weird ones too.) 2
I like the weird ones.
loog guitars 2
orpheum guitars new york 1
prince guitar shapes 1
guitar shapes 3
guitar shelves 2
homemade multiple guitar stands 2
multiple guitar stand 4
ukulele stand 2
stereo types of guitarists 2
all guitars and ukulele (Looking for this?)

All of my guitars & the wife's ukulele

Guitar problem? What problem?

2
guitar wiring 4
schematic diagram of soldering gun 1
seymour duncan sh-6 2
stratocaster pickup 7
acoustic guitar pick guard decors 2
green custom archtop 2
guitar google 1
guitar noize 3
guitar wood recycling 2
headstock shape by brand 3
solid guitar 2
survival paint guitar 2
vote alabama’s best guitarist 1
funny math equation 1
funny maths equations 1
funny smartass comments (I’d hope there are lots here.) 2
funny waitress comic 2
little billy writes serial killers 1
mustafi donotevenreply 1
we’d like to thank bobby for coming out tonight television 1
the hard maze and the answer 3
pizza maze 9
pizza maze for kids 1
pizza mazes 2
pizza mazes for kids 2
hard maze solutions 2
yinz maze 3
a maze 2
big mazes and more 1
blow fish maze as a body 1
crazy maze 4
curvilinear maze 1
food mazes 2
fun mazes 2
hard mazes for kids to do 2
how to draw a maze 1
insane maze 1
knot maze 2
maze 20
maze “darth vader” pdf 1
maze pdf 2
maze riddle 3
mazes 15
mazes customer service 2
mazes for kids 5
sidewinder maze 1
start to finish games drawing 3
this.make maze begin end 2
Send me your solutions! world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
8 mile jimmy jacket 3
airheads football helmet filled (…with cottage cheese.) 1
airheads prs guitar 1
baby secret of the lost legend 3
baby the secret of the lost legend 2
mokèlé-mbèmbé 11
back to the future 1.21 gigawatts 2
back to the future movie screenshots 4
back to the future movie screenshots 4
cinemark rain check 2
crocodile dundee shaving 1
detroit rock city trip 2
flight of the navigator slash 1
goonies monster 1
gremlins scenes 1
grindhouse poster 1
harry and the hendersons movie 2
x never ever marks the spot 2
funny monster squad 1
neverending story cartoon 1
neverending story rock monster 2
police academy icon 2
police academy logo 5
predator animated gif 2
predator laserdisc 3
shaun of the dead meme 2
khna and kirk space seed 1
spock’s domination (…of who/what?) 2
star trek logo hd gif 1
wrath of khan 2
joshua war games 3
phreaking 4
willow of good 3
zorro the complete first son 2
brooksfilms limited products 1
hacking movies 2
movies from my childhood 2
best rock and roll movies 4
best rock n roll films 1
best rock n roll movies 5
best rock roll movies 1
good movies about rock n roll 1
rock n roll movies 2012 1
top rock n roll movies 1
I dig me some movies.
3po music icon 3
ackbar it’s a mouse trap tee shirt 3
ackbar snackbar 2
admiral ackbar jump to lightspeed scene 1
bob fett cartoon blu 1
boba fett cartoon poster 2
boba fett riding dragon 1
boba fett star wars blu ray art 2
cartoon on star wars blu ray 1
dark lord of the 5th day 2
darth vader light saber room light 2
darth vader vs bane 2
death star cheese ball 3
ewok meme 2
family guy star wars chronological order 1
family guy star wars movies in order 1
funny anakin pictures 1
george lucas animated musical 1
han solo saying dont get your panties in a knot 1
origami ewok 2
phantom menace robot factory 1
star wars blu ray easter eggs 1
star wars cheese ball 2
star wars christmas special easter egg 2
star wars meme 2
star wars movie night 2
star wars movie order 7
star wars seat covers 2
star wars themed r2 alcoholic drinks 2
warwick davis star wars phantom menace 4
warwick davis yoda 2
where are the droids takei 3
Do I blog about Star Wars a lot?
ann beretta“+”blogspot.com” 2
“ann beretta”+”blogspot.com”+”fallen” 1
lesbian militants stereotype 1
rock concert funny 2
devil makes three 2
the devil makes three setlist pittsburgh 1
flogging molly may 10 2012 set list pittsburg pa 1
flogging molly setlist stage ae 2
Did you read my Flogging Molly / Devil Makes Three / Brothers of Brazil show review?
axl rose in concert 1
goddamn gallows nazi? (I hope not.) 2
go-go-rays “go go rays” 1
rancid boston 2012 1
the real mckenzies (Soon!) 2
best bass guitar intro song 1
best guitar intros 2
best guitar intros of all time 1
best guitar rock intro 1
best rock guitar intros 3
best rock intros of all time 5
great rock intros 1
greatest guitar intros 3
greatest guitar intros of all time 1
greatest rock intros all time 2
list top guitar intros of all time 1
rock song with sweet guitar intro 1
songs with great guitar intros 1
top 10 songs 2012 guitar intro 1
who came up with crazy train riff 1
headbangin 2
Why not tell me what you think of my list?
snuff blah zsa mc bong bing 1
snuff lee erinmez 1
spinal tap cover 1
functionless art is simply tolerated vandalism 3
functionless-art tolerated-vandalism 1
i can’t believe katrina i was looking for my hate lyrics type o negative 1
josh silver 2
peter steel 1
peter steele 4
peter steele recent 5
type o negative? 1
wat tyler f__k pump mp3 1
1-800-553-2324 1
705 256 2357 johnny cash 1
You gonna call those numbers?
lyrics clarks toyota commercial 1
the clarks toyota commercial 3
You forgot “sucks”
dethlehem circle of death 1
beechview police blotter 2
dormont police blotter april 18 1
super moon party dormont 2
ernie tattoos 1
pittsburgh post gazette and ernie and the berts 2
Were we in the paper?
hollywood theaters 1
size of hollywood theatre screen dormont 2
kdka compares giant eagle and walmart 1
kuhns banksville 2
kuhns banksville rd customer accident 2
kuhns banksville road customer dies 1
kuhns grocers union 1
kuhn’s market banksville accident 1
kuhns mcknight 3
Did someone die in an accident at Kunh’s?
“parkway center mall” 1
Is built on top of a garbage dump, & pretty much still is one.
mark madden sally wiggin 1
sally sarah wiggin pittsburgh 1
Sally Wiggin rules.
stage ae pittsburgh not allow 1
Not allow what?  Not allow who?
green man’s tunnel guy 2
the tunnel monster 3
tunnel monster 2
It exists.
senator wayne fontana (Reads his mail.) 2
pgh photos zappa 1
pittsburgh pirates logo history 2
driving horn 2
green arrow traffic 3
linkin park hybrid theory vector 1
me first and the gimme gimmes guitars 2
angus young meme 2
@shqiptar.eu 1
dr. peter ahmed 2
chicken caesar salad scam 1
salade chicken caesar mcdo 2
google giveaway team 3
google giveaway team 13th anniversary 2
lori sandra baker 5
lori sandra scam 2
Lori Sandra is still trying to scam people?
65.55.92.184 does not like recipient. meaning 1
9999 short code not working on sprint 1
bcode sms 1
code1051 short cut text how do u fix it 1
how to unblock shortcode texting on iphone 1
message failed. shortcode may have expired 1
msg 1051 1
shortcode texting for sprint cost 1
sprint code 9999 don’t work 1
sprint google sms error 1051 not working 2
sprint message 1051 4
sprint short code texting 1
sprint short codes 2
sprint unblock short code texting 1
what is wrong if free sprint 9999 doesnt work 1
when i try to text cha cha it says unable to send due to invalid short code 1
Sprint hates you (and me).
link: foodallergybuzz.com 1
briandrusky@druskyentertainment.com 4
axvault.com 2
help customerservice.kmart.com 3
help@customerservice.kmart.com 9
help@customerservice.kmart.com . 1
help@customerservice.kmart.com. 1
http://www.help@customerservice.kmart.com 1
http://www.kmartfeedback.com 3
larry 2510 @gmail.com 2
ella.jones@us.mcd.com 12
mcdonalds.customercare@us.mcd.com 3
mcnews@ch.mcd.com 2
pit.03423@us.stores.mcd.com 2
aliciak@pizzamarketplace.com 1
hlpdesk@my quiznos.com 2
http://www.helpdesk@quiznos.com 1
googlegiveawayteam.asia@shqiptar.eu 2
gomez_p@subway.com 1
davidicus 39@gmail.com 2
jerry lunar lunar@yahoo.co.id 1
wwwjohn maherpa 2
Here is the root of the problem as to why people contact me thinking I’m McDonald’s or Kmart or anyone else.  They don’t know the difference between url and an email or an address bar & a search engine apparently.
babysitter dominationkid 1
english dominatrix wanker teaser 1
japanese sex and domination 1
knickers domination 1
man woman going to bathroom 4
orgasm torture in satan`s rape clinic 2004 bluray 1
poop taco 2
porn yinz maze 2
shirtless man in a kilt 2
spanish mistress domination 1
troubled teenagers teens living in 6556 clover valley road (You are a creeper of the highest order.) 1
vomiting domination 1
young chubby boy 1
fart math 8
What the hell is wrong with you people?  How in the hell did any of these land you here?
stuffed squirrel for sale 3
stuffed squirrel pictures 3
taxidermied squirrel 1
You need to visit Hoke·E·Geez!

Stuffed Squirrel on display (& for sale!) at Hoke·E·Geez (Bedford, PA)

“Help! I’m not dead! Some redneck just stapled my nuts to this driftwood!”

babysitter monster in bathroom 2
boots a clous skin hard 1
dine and ditch 2
dingleberry 2
fart canal 2
fart in math 2
gary busey tranny 2
girl liking wheelchair ride 1
kids monster bathroom wash 1
panty dropper sticker 2
proud rider of the short bus 2
reindeer playing ukulele 2
aixelsyd13 mcdonald’s 1
waldo lunar 9
world lunar domination 2
Someone’s looking for me! Did you find me? Where did you hear of me?
“joel pavuk” (Try asking The Bloody Seamen or The Botched.) 3
catherine paddock 1
cherelle flowers 2
chris thornborrow 2
frank l. visco 1
leroy mcdowell iv 2
linda cumer pittsburgh 2
michelle crouch 1
scott kausky mcdonald 1
travis stevens 2
So, are you looking for yourselves… or is someone looking for you?
13 levels of hell 1
4 colour pen 1
c64 logo 1
cartoon vhs tumblr 1
celtic cross scottish 1
cobra hood dragon fantasy 1
covelli enterprises wiki 1
crazy scientist electric 1
django’s bloodhound 1966 1
do you call it beanie or beanie hat 1
four colour pen 1
foxtrot comic strips andy cold 2
funny battle gear 1
ghetto blaster goofy t-shirt 1
giant bbq grate 2
girl riding short bus 1
graph of excedrin 3
graph of responses 1
graphs of food in civil war 1
happy birthday toy accordion 1
happy rock radio caroline 259 playlist 1
hare krishna vs moonies 1
how to play happy birthday on toy accordion 2
i just really want to kiss you right now (What?) 2
icecreamhucklebucks (I know the Legendary Hucklebucks…) 1
if you’re going through hell keep going poster 1
i’m sorry i annoyed you with my friendship 1
incessant 6
invincible meme 3
irish celtic cross back patch 1
irish cross 2
jelly carrier 1
letter of advertisement 2
lunar 2
lunar estate (Looking to buy? I’ll sell you some…) 2
mad scientist electrical 2
mad scientist electricity 1
modal video of paltry farms 2
moose logos 1
no entry sign vector 2
panira ng mood quotes tumblr 1
pick up after your dog sign vector 3
pro bendig wii 3
randi accessoires artikel 2833 artikel 2834 1
reunion phreaker 2
rocky road lift yj 2
shalom in 5 s wabash 2
sharpie market share graphs 2
short story a dog evolved and used man to throw sticks for him 2
stocking cap from moon 1
stupid employees 2
thank you for your time and clarifying on my queries 1
the draw-well ghost 2
the people upstairs (are noisy.) 3
this is crazy meme 1
title13, u.s.code, sections 141 and 193 1
vector graphics tv commercial for a gym 2
ya hand sign 2
Unknown search terms 257

See what I mean?

Very Specific Taste?


So, I blog occasionally about the search terms that land people here… but this is a special kind of awesome:

Search Terms

porn yinz maze

This person searched & clicked twice… or two kindred spirits out there really need to meet.

Spock ''Fascinating.''

Seriously.

What does one get when you search “porn yinz maze“?  Apparently something here at this blog.  I get the maze, I get the yinz, …but porn?  Maybe I need to draw a maze with boobies and put the word Yinz in it to satisfy this potential reader.

If you’re out there & you’ve managed to find your way back… what exactly were you looking for?  A maze of Pittsburgh?  A maze of porn?  Did your iPhone auto-correct “maize” to “maze” and “corn” to “porn”?

Fascinating.

We have a Winner! Bronco Berry Ball Sauce


Bronco Berry Poll

#Bronco13 Contest

Trista’s Bronco Berry Ball Sauce wins!  Thanks to all 3 of your for submitting recipes, thanks to all 13 of you who voted.  (Or less people, multiple times…)

I thought I had set up the poll to close automatically after a week… but it seems to have kept going.  So, I froze it in time with the screen capture to the right.

I’ll contact Trista to let her know she won, and get the 13 packets of Bronco Berry goodness on their way to her!

If you have no idea what this is all about, where have you been?  You may follow the adventures of Bronco Jalapeño in these posts:

Perhaps Trista will give us an acceptance speech, or a photo of her Bronco Berry Ball Sauce!

It’s Food Allergy Awareness Week!


It’s Food Allergy Awareness Week again, and guess what?  Food allergies and the food-allergic are still here… and we’re still allergic.  We’re still informing you about cross-contamination and safety.

A song from Kyle Dine:

Some #FAAW tweets from my #FoodAllergy tweeps:

https://twitter.com/#!/nut_freemom/status/202064341778964481

https://twitter.com/#!/chupieandjsmama/status/202036109222477827

https://twitter.com/#!/susanweissman/status/202084480452788224

https://twitter.com/#!/allergicgirl/status/202010024929800192

https://twitter.com/#!/iknowtiffany/status/202001615715176448

https://twitter.com/#!/FoodAllergyBuzz/status/201990572003704832

https://twitter.com/#!/wegohealth/status/202073874177851393

https://twitter.com/#!/AllergicVegan/status/202112986045874176

A lot of people push for government recognition or regulation.  I look for a consumer push, and recognition from the general populace.  We can all agree that we need to convey the seriousness of cross-contamination with foods… at schools, in restaurants, at home… and everywhere.

Learn more about what you can do here:  Raising Awareness, Making an Impact

Check out my Food Allergy related posts here:  Allergies

Photo of skin test about 15 minutes after the ...

Photo of skin test about 15 minutes after the application of allergens and the scratching. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I hope to do the Food Allergy Walk in Pittsburgh again this year.  Perhaps I can pull together a team or get even more sponsors than last year?  Your donations were incredible last year.

Also… don’t forget, Adults can have food allergies too.  We don’t “grow out” of them.  We can’t “just pick it off” or “have just a little”.  It’s a very serious thing.

So, how are you celebrating Food Allergy Awareness Week?

☘ Flogging Molly, fights, fiddles, friends, family, folk, & fools… ☘


Had a great time last night at Stage AE for the Flogging Molly show!  It was a nice evening out, much closer to home than the last Flogging Molly show that we had to drive to Cleveland for, and we didn’t wait too long to buy tickets this time.  (Last time, we waited too long & it sold out!)  After arriving home from work, Bethany & I headed to Dormont Dogs for a nice quick meal.  (I had the Connecticut Ave. dog minus the onions, it was fantastic!)  We then battled and easily defeated the tunnel monster on the way to the north shore.

We got there early, because I’m generally OCD about getting to shows early.  We lined up outside behind the mob of green & black T-shirts peppered with the occasional tartan patterned kilt or someone who didn’t get the memo about wearing green to a Celtic punk rock show.  There were more people than I had expected.  It was windy, but not unbearable.  We were entertained by the 3 or 4 scalpers passing by asking for extra tickets.  One guy had his leg in some sort of brace or cast, and one guy was on a bike.  They mustn’t have scored any, because I didn’t see anyone selling them.

This was sadly the first time I’ve seen a show with the big room opened up.  I need to get to more shows down there.  (The 1st time I was there was to see Dethlehem and they were on the smaller bar stage.)  It’s a fantastic venue.  You have a nice view all around.  The only thing I’d change is having the floor slightly sloped… but then again I’m just short.  After getting a superficial pat-down at the door, we stopped & said hi to Jeff who was working & not setting any fires.  Then we made our way to the bar where I got a Killian’s Irish Red because I can’t really take too much Guinness.  The wife opted for water.  At a Flogging Molly show?  Water?  She must be the more responsible half.

We joined the pack of Yinzers crowding the merch table as we tried to get a look and get up front.  It was easy to see that the dude wasn’t taking orders from any other dudes… so my wife ordered our shirts and a patch once we squeezed our way to the front.  As I was getting a dollar out of my wallet to pop into the tip bucket, it fell into my beer.  So, dude got a soggy dollar & a dry dollar.  Sorry.  Not that sorry though.  You can still spend it.  I picked up a Devil Makes Three CD too.  I saw them online & liked what I heard.  I asked the merch guy which one he suggested.  He showed me the 1st album & the live one.  He seemed to indicate that the live one was a nice cross-section, so I went with that.

To the floor!  It was still relatively easy to make our way to the center & almost front of the floor.  Things were starting to pack in as we got there, it was pretty good timing & placement. We thought.  Bethany thought she smelled a skunk, and we were too far away from the obligatory dreadlock kid for it to be Patchouli & BO, so it was most likely the extremely pungent weed that we were smelling burning much later. (I bet area Taco Bell locations had a surge of customers after the show.) Our friend Laurel made a last-minute decision to come to the show, so she joined us right as the lights went down…

Brothers of Brazil | Stage AE (Pittsburgh, PA) 05/10/2012

Brothers of Brazil | Stage AE (Pittsburgh, PA) 05/10/2012

The Brothers of Brazil were up first.  Imagine a young Fred Schneider (or Michale Ian Black) on guitar and Billy Idol (or maybe even Johnny Rotten) on drums.  These dudes were quite interesting.  The guitar-work was amazing, & the drummer was quite the showman & very entertaining.  They had this weird samba punk rock vibe… it was odd.  I’d see them again.  I dunno if I’d buy an album.  It was fantastic that they opened & closed with a theme song.  I believe these dudes will do well for themselves.  I don’t think Bethany & Laurel were as amused as I was.

The Devil Makes Three | Stage AE (Pittsburgh, PA) 05/10/2012

The Devil Makes Three | Stage AE (Pittsburgh, PA) 05/10/2012

Up next was The Devil Makes Three.  The crowd stated getting a little more packed in, and a drunken kid beside me ruined the first 2 songs by slurredly “singing” loudly & off-key directly into my ear, until he decided that the crowd wasn’t as into it as he was, and muttered something about us being lame & pushing forward.  These dudes rocked quietly, but they play really well.  They have great melodies & harmonies… even though they were minus their regular bass player.  I have no idea what to call it. Is it folk? Alt country? Blues? Punk? It’s close-to-but-not bluegrass or rockabilly.  All I know is that I like it.  I’m gonna say if you like punk rock, Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or old folk or blues stuff… you ought to check these cats out.  They win the award for coolest guitars too.  Cooper McBean played a mean-looking old archtop with what I think was a P-90 mounted in it.  it looked like it had been left out in a sandstorm after someone dumped some paint-thinner on it.  I wanted it.  He mainly rocked the banjo & a tenor banjo.  The lyrics are great.  Check out this comic set to the lyrics of the song “The Bullet”.  I will see this band next time they’re in town!  Bethany really dug them too, being a country fan and all.  I think Laurel was trying to figure them out.

Well, we enjoyed the part of the set that wasn’t ruined by belligerent drunken meat-heads.  Starting at about the same time as The Devil Makes Three, the crowd directly behind us was swaying & getting rowdy.  Oh well, it’s a concert. We’re in the middle of the floor. That’s what happens. Until these testoster-tools behind us start arguing about something.  I heard something about touching or talking to a sister. I’m not sure. Maybe they were bumping into each other, maybe someone was trying to bump uglies. I was trying to pay attention to the blisteringly talented  band on stage. There was arguing, shoving, and a guy getting in the middle. Somebody’s “bro” got in the middle and then calmed things down.  Security was eying them and pointing flashlights from the ramps on the side, but apparently not responding.  Then everything was “cool” and it remained calm, for a song or two anyway.  All of a sudden I hear “oh my god!” and my wife is on the floor on her ass.  I pulled her up and swung around and yelled something to the effect of “Who the [expletive] knocked my wife on to the [expletive] floor?”  Two dudes larger than me in height and girth (one in a kilt as well as a drunken stupor) looked at me with an expression that can only be descried as “oh shit”.  I turned around to ask Bethany if she was OK.  She nodded.  I swung back around to the now large gap in the crowd surrounding the two sweaty ass-clowns and demanded that they apologize to Bethany. They did, looking like a dog that just took a dump on the living room floor, as security arrived to further scold them and ask me if Bethany was OK. Next time how about responding before a bystander gets knocked over?  I guess she saw one dingleberry trying to choke the other dingleberry as she got knocked down.  I would expect this kind of crap at a metal show, but for folk punk?  Way to uphold drunken Irish fighting stereotypes, McPotatoheads.  I don’t know if I would have punched those guys, or what… but apparently my tone of voice or the look on my face told them not to mess with me.  I thought security was going to drag me into it too as he was asking if Bethany was OK.  Later Laurel laughed as she said she thought I was going to swing & she’d end up jumping on the fat guy & throwing punches too.  Maybe we’re all a little too violent?

Finally, it was time for Flogging Molly!  Despite all of the drunken violence, the smell of burning leaves in the non-smoking venue, the guy in front of me repeatedly backing himself into my junk, getting sweat on me from the shirtless guy, and paying $12 for parking, we were having one hell of a great time!

Flogging Molly | Stage AE (Pittsburgh, PA) 05/10/2012

Flogging Molly | Stage AE (Pittsburgh, PA) 05/10/2012

If you’ve never seen Flogging Molly in action, I’m not sure how to describe it.  Seven people come on to the stage and sound like 70.  The crowd really started moving so I pushed Bethany & myself forward & off to the side as we lost Laurel with the first wave.  She found us not too long after that.  Dave King & company ripped through a bunch of hits & some stuff that they don’t regularly do live.  I remember it being a long set & how I liked every selection.  I could have watched them go for many more songs, even after the encore.  I can’t pick a favorite track, I like so many of them.  I really enjoyed “What’s Left of the Flag”, “If I Ever Leave This World Alive”, “Float”, & “The Son Never Shines (on Closed Doors)”, & of course “7 Deadly Sins”.  The inter-song banter keeps things light with songs that can have such heavy lyrical matter all the while to a happy beat.  You get the feeling that they’re all playing right from the heart.  You have this killer group of musicians that can probably between them master any instrument you might have lying around.  Dennis Casey has his hands full trying to compete with & leave room for all of the other instruments.  I was glad he got a spot for a guitar solo of sorts, in with the Guinness chug.  Every time I see a Celtic punk band, I get the urge to buy a Telecaster.  At any rate, Flogging Molly did not disappoint.  We’ll see them next time they’re in the ‘Burgh, Cleveland, or anywhere else nearby.  I know Bethany loved it, I think Laurel did too.  After the show, we ran into my cousin Patience.  Taste in awesome Irish music must run in the family.

☘☘☘☘☘☘

Dormont-Brookline Patch


Dormont-Brookline Patch LogoSo, I’ve been a reader of the Dormont-Brookline Patch for a while now.  It’s sort of like an online local paper.  I’ve even commented on quite a few things.  There’s all kinds of stuff going on in these two neighborhoods, as well as the surrounding areas.  It’s a great way to stay informed, and it’s one of the first things I added to Google Reader.

AiXeLsyD13I recently became a blogger on the patch, and you’ll be able to follow my rantings & misadventures here: AiXeLsyD13 on Patch

It will most likely be short blurbs pointing to the general chaos here, but every once in a while I may be inspired to give it some exclusive content.  Maybe I’ll blog about local events, places, etc., or maybe even some personal stuff like food allergies.

Check out my introductory post:

I’m new here.

Have any thoughts/advice?  Think it’s a good introduction?  What should I blog about there?  Should it focus on the area?

The One Hour Dry Cleaning Myth


Don’t ever go to Century Cleaners on Brookline Blvd. in Brookline.  They’re incredibly rude, unprofessional, and a bunch of false advertisers.

Perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself.

We had a large amount of things going on this past weekend.  My wife’s grandmother passed away early on Thursday morning, her parents were set to close on their old house (her childhood home) & the new one on Friday, we were helping them move along with some extended family on Saturday, there was the viewing Sunday and the Funeral was Monday.

I had just worn my suit in a good friend’s wedding last Tuesday morning, which is another story entirely… but I needed my suit cleaned.  No one wants to be the smelly kid, & I had some wrinkles on the butt of the jacket.  I wanted it to look sharply pressed for the weekend.  Unfortunately, I only have one suit, and planned to wear it twice this weekend with a different shirt & tie.  With the frequency which I actually wear it, one has suited (pun intended) me well.  Perhaps another is in order.

Bethany had the day off on Friday to process everything going on with her Grandma, her parents’ move, & more… so she decided to use it to get some errands done.  I found what I thought to be a one-hour cleaner or at least same day service cleaners online Thursday night, as Model Cleaners (where regularly take stuff) doesn’t offer a same-day service.

I quickly came up with the Century Cleaners profile at the Dormont-Brookline Patch, and this is the description I read:

Dry cleaning establishments have long been a fixture at 1200 Brookline Boulevard and Century Cleaners has done business in this location for eight years. They offer same day service, as well as alterations, drapery cleaning and rehanging and wedding gown preservation. All of Century’s work is done on the premises.

  • Hours: Mon – Fri, 8am – 6pm; Sat, 8am – 2pm
  • Parking: Free lot, On-street: free
  • Services: Alterations, Dry cleaning, Ironing, Leather cleaning

These were among the photos that I saw at the listing…

Century Cleaners - False Advertising

Century Cleaners’ Blatant False Advertising (Photo Credit: Annette Bassett Sanchez, Dormont-Brookline Patch)

So, that little sign on the side advertises “SAME DAY SERVICE” pretty largely, right?  The neon sign right in the middle of the name above the door boasts “1 HR. DRY CLEANING“, right?

They clearly had no intention of providing either service on Friday.

My wife was there in the 9:00 hour, and asked about the 1 hour service.  This was the first of several local errands for the day.  Right away she was met with resistance, and asked what the suit was needed for.  At this point, what does it matter?  Whether it’s needed for a job interview, a funeral, a wedding, a TV appearance, for first contact with aliens at midnight, or just lounging around the house… urgent completion was requested.

She then asked about same-day service.  Again, “When do you need it by?”

Again, what does it matter?  Whether we’re meeting the pope and the president this afternoon or going to shoot a porn movie, what business is it of theirs?  She requested one hour service, is now deferring to same day.  It was 9:00am and the were open until 6:00pm.  The sign boasts that they do the work there & don’t send it out.  Surely that would be enough time to clean a suit… even if there were many other urgent cleanings ahead of us in line?

I could almost see being denied same-day service at 4:00 or 5:00pm, but 9:00am?  That’s just ludicrous.

Already harrowed from everything going on, and in shock from being argued with by someone behind the counter at a service-oriented business, she told them that we needed the suit for a funeral on Saturday, and they negotiated to a pickup first thing in the morning.  She asked what time they opened on Saturday and they said 7:00am, so that was that.  We thought.

We were to be at her parent’s old house by 7:30am that Saturday to start to help with the move, so 7:00 was cutting it close.  We stopped & bought donuts, got some ice for the water in the cooler, and were parked on the street in front of the dry cleaners’ at 6:55am.  A woman arrived shortly before seven, propped the door open, & went inside.  I gave her a few minutes to get settled then walked in shortly after 7:00am, ticket in hand.

The woman was in the back of the room behind miles of clothing hung on racks, and I had a few minutes to soak in my surroundings.  Paint and/or wall-paper of several different layers was peeling from the walls.  There is a cluttered desk by the front window that must serve as the office… not sure why it’s not behind the counter or the counter isn’t adjusted to make it fit.  It seemed rather unclean for being a professional cleaning service.

The woman wove her way up front and greeted me friendly enough.  I handed over my ticket and declared that I was there to pick up my suit that had been dropped off yesterday.  She looked at my ticket, and then at a ticket hanging by itself on a wire behind the counter next to a few articles of clothing that held their tickets.  She looked at the ticket hanging by itself, then back at me.  She asked what it was for.

I was exasperated at this point.  What does what it’s for have to do with anything?  Maddeningly irrelevant questions and repetition of questions are the two things that get under my skin instantly.  I remarked that it was for a funeral.  She said “oh, it’s not for a wedding?”

This has nothing to do with the location of my suit, or why its matching ticket was hanging alone on a wire behind the counter.  I reaffirmed that it was not for a wedding, but a funeral.  My answers undoubtedly became short and quiet at this point, but I remained polite.  Seeming to be the only one capable of asking relevant questions I asked “So, where’s my suit?”

At this point, the phone rang and she was asking someone about the suit.  I told her that my wife had been there at 9:00am the previous day, had requested one hour, then same day service… and was told the earliest we could get it was upon the shop opening in the morning.  She asked what time I was told we could get it.

Wow.  I reiterated that we were told it would be ready at 7:00am.  I’m sure I was visibly agitated at this point.  The woman looked at me like I was a bomb about to go off.

After a hushed conversation with the mystery person on the other end of the phone line, she disappeared into the mass of clothes hanging behind the counter.  She eventually popped back out with my suit.  It wasn’t on a hanger.  It was much more wrinkled than it was when Bethany had dropped it off.  It was apparently on the side of a bin or on the floor somewhere in the back overnight.

She stuttered as she told me that it hadn’t been cleaned and asked when I needed it by.

Really?

I said, “Well, yesterday.”

If I was going to be asked stupid questions, I was going to give stupid answers.

Pointing to the sign in the window, I asked how they could advertise 1 hour service if they clearly have no intentions of providing such a service.

The woman muttered something about it being an “orange” ticket and it meant it was a rush… but then it trailed off. She never even acknowledged my question.  She picked the pinned tags off of my suit and placed the rumpled mess on the counter.  I wasn’t offered any solutions.  I wasn’t offered an apology.  I wasn’t offered a free service.  I wasn’t offered a rush cleaning & delivery.  I wasn’t offered anything but my suit in a ball of wrinkles.

I never raised my voice.  I never uttered a curse word.  I never asked her how she was going to rectify the situation… because at this point I had absolutely no confidence in any service that they could possibly hope to provide.  The only acceptable thing at this point would have been for them to pay for one hour service at some other dry cleaner… but I’m sure that wouldn’t be an option to them.  They could offer me free dry cleaning for life at this point and it wouldn’t get me to ever drop anything off there.

Even if they had offered to clean it, they closed at 2:00pm, and with the move happening on the northern end of town, there was no way I could be back by then.  I mean, we had to go through a tunnel and over a bridge.  This is insanity in Pittsburgh.

I got back into the car and uttered something to the effect of “I can’t believe it, they didn’t clean my suit.”  Although, it was peppered with and punctuated by expletives.  My wife looked at me like I had just told her that I was Batman.  It was a look of utter disbelief.  She knew I wasn’t joking because I was quiet.  Generally I get quite quiet when I’m angry.  She said that she shouldn’t have left it there in the first place… but what were we to do?  They were the only place that advertised 1 hour or even same day service… even if they didn’t deliver.

We swung over to another local cleaner in Dormont.  They don’t advertise 1 hour cleaning or even same day service… but I thought it may be worth a shot.  They didn’t open until 7:30, and it was still only about a quarter after.  I had my wife call her dad because he had told us of a place in the north hills that does do same-day service as advertised.  That was the direction we were heading, so it was probably the only chance I had of getting a clean suit at this point.

My father-in-law recommended Don Royal Cleaners on Mt. Royal Blvd. in Shaler.  That’s where we went.  It wasn’t far from where they were moving, so it wasn’t too out of the way to make the drop-off.  My wife called the cleaners as we were en route to make sure they they did indeed offer same day service and what their hours were.  They were open.  We stopped.  The place was spotless & had elegant marble counter tops.  The girl at the register was friendly.  She took my wrinkled suit and smiled when we asked what time we could get it back that day.  I think they told us 2:00 or 3:00pm.  They were open until 8:00pm, so that gave us plenty of time to help her parents with the move & to swing back down to Shaler on the way home to pickup my hopefully clean & pressed suit.

The move went off without a hitch, and the suit was picked up without a problem.  We attended the viewing & funeral in Fairchance on Sunday & Monday and I was looking like a car salesman or like I was about to knock on your door & hand you The Book of Mormon or a Watchtower pamphlet.

Perhaps I should have had my weekend itinerary typed up for Century Cleaners?  Was it my error?  I could have pinned it to the suit or put it in the pocket.  I’m going to have to work on some amusing answers if I’m ever asked such irrelevant questions in the future.  What’s the suit for?  It’s for a a con scheme where I have to appear well-dressed and wealthy in order to swindle someone out of their money.  When do I need it by?  1:15am, on October 25th, 1985.

When you order a pizza, the person taking your order doesn’t ask what it’s for or when you need it by.  Can you imagine calling a pizza joint and them asking “Is this for a birthday party?  Can you pick it up tomorrow?”

How can these places advertize that they’re “1 hour” or “same day service” when they clearly can’t handle it, or don’t even intend to?  Do they think you’re padding when you need something by?  It shouldn’t matter.  You should get it when you ask for it to be done.  You’re paying them to provide a service.

I’ve run into this years before with a cleaner in Murrysville (They have a different name/owner now, so I won’t call them out).  They too never answered the one-hour question.  They just stared at me blankly.  I believe that was just a shirt & tie… not even a full suit.

Is this a conspiracy?  Does it involve the Freemasons & the Illuminati?  Should we call Brad Meltzer and the History Channel?

I see from searching online that another place nearby does offer same-day service… Has anyone dealt with Suburban Dry Cleaners?  They look rather reputable and they have a nice clean website… something Century Cleaners lacked.  Then again, I can’t find one for Don Royal either, and they were great.

So, how should they have handled the situation?  What should they have done as compensation?

Should I write them a letter or send them this blog?  Should I write & ask why they don’t provide 1-hour service?  I could call, but that’s not entertaining for the reader unless I can learn to record my phone calls.

Should I just put up a bad review on every review site I can find?

Should I complain to the Better Business Bureau?  How does that even work?  It’s only the cleaning of a suit, it’s not like they lost or destroyed it… or it was a thousand-dollar service.  It’s just incredibly aggravating.

Should I write to other dry cleaners and ask them how they would have handled such a situation?

Has this ever happened to you at the dry cleaner, or anywhere else?

How would you handle or how have you handled this situation?

Does 1 hour dry cleaning even exist anywhere?  How can they get away with advertising a service that they can’t or won’t provide?

A CONTEST FOR YOU! Gimme a recipe, win some Bronco Berry Sauce.


240 Packs of Bronco Berry Sauce!

Want 13 of these?

OK.  If you’ve been reading my blog, you know that I have an entire  case (& a little more) of Arby’s delicious Bronco Berry Sauce just taking up space in my dining room.  I would eat it all if I could, but it’s probably not an achievable (or wise) goal.  Sadly, my Bronco Berry Sauce will have to go without its perfect partner Arby’s delicious Jalapeño Bites… as they have not yet returned to the menu here in Pittsburgh.  Perhaps there is still reason to Occupy Arby’s even if Hala asked me nicely not to?

I’m left with a few tasks… figuring out what to do with the sauce besides dunking Tyson’s chicken tenders in it, and trying to pawn some off on friends, family, and maybe even a busker.  It expires in June, and I’d hate for any (more) to go to waste.

I was thinking it may make an excellent glaze for meatloaf, or even as an internal ingredient.  It would also probably be good as a glaze on grilled or baked chicken, but I’m guessing the high sugar content would make it blacken quite quickly.  I wonder if it will freeze?  A Bronco Berry Popsicle could be either incredible or disastrous.  Would there be a way to work it into an icing (or again as an ingredient) in a chocolate cupcake?

My readers and commenters are obviously the most enlightened and intelligent group of people I know, so I’m turning to you for ideas.

I promise to wrap it better than my last gift from Arby's if I need to mail it to you.

I promise to wrap it better than my last gift from Arby's if I need to mail it to you.

Here’s where the contest comes in.  Give me your recipe for something including Arby’s Bronco Berry Sauce as an ingredient.  You may want to familiarize yourself with it if you’ve never tried it.  The name is misleading, it contains no berries or horses.  It’s sweet, it’s spicy, it’s awesome.  This will be like Chopped or Iron Chef, except instead of TV fame and butt-loads of money the prize is… Let’s say 13 packs of Bronco Berry Sauce, because I like the number 13.  Also, I’m not Alton Brown or Ted Allen.  If it’s really good, we’ll maybe eventually have to make copycat recipes to continue making the prize winner.

You have until Friday May 4th to get your recipes to me.  I’ll post them in a blog, put up a poll, and have the readers vote.  We’ll close the poll & pick a winner on May 13th.  You can enter multiple times within reason.  Voting will happen with the little poll widget here, so encourage your friends, neighbors, family, and even enemies to vote for you.

The only way to enter: You can email your fantastically delicious recipe to world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com with the subject containing the hashtag “#Bronco13” & the name of your recipe.  We’ll annoy people with it on Twitter, Google+, Pinterest, & wherever else hashtags work.

In the event of a tie, both of you will get 13 packets of Bronco Berry Sauce.

What are you waiting for?  Get to work!

Arby’s Tries Again…


Tom Arnold | Arby's Oven MittToday there was a nice little squishy bubble pack in the mailbox when I got home.  It had my name on it and appeared to be from Arby’s again.  More neat stuff from Arby’s?  What could it be?  A hat?  A T-shirt?  An oven mitt that talks like Tom Arnold when you press a button?  (Actually, that would be pretty neat.)

Nope, this was a different kind of squishy.  I got a post card from a Cherelle Flowers at Arby’s HQ in Atlanta.  Cherelle apparently works in Arby’s Customer Relations but doesn’t communicate with Arby’s President Hala Moddelmog who just sent me an entire case of Bronco Berry Sauce.  In with the postcard where several leaking square packets of Bronco Berry Sauce:

Your recent feedback is greatly appreciated. | We hope your next visit to Arby's® exceeds your expectations. | Regards, | Cherelle Flowers | Arby's Customer Relations | Arby's It's GOOD MOOD FOOD™

It's a Bronco Berry Bloodbath!

I hope it wasn’t intentional.  It’s like a mini version of the horse-head scene in The Godfather.  I mean, the card is sort of impersonal, but the gesture is nice when the sentiment isn’t stained with blood red not-really-berry sauce.  It’s unsettling to open such a package.  It almost looks like a threat.

I’m guessing that given Arby’s’ track record, it’s not a threat and it’s yet another genuine attempt to keep a goofy customer happy.  I have no idea if this generated from their web contact form, or Twitter, or what.  I would have maybe liked a more personal letter (again like the incredible one from Ms. Moddlemog), and the United States Postal Service to have handled my package with more care.  Ha.  Handled my package.  But, I’ll settle for free stuff… even if there are only 2 unmolested packets.

I did notice it was addressed to me, and not Bronco Jalapeño.  I also noticed that these packets are rectangular… where the other ones are circles.  Clearly, there is more than one source for Bronco Berry Sauce.  Where is it my friends?  Can I find it?  Can I buy direct?  Can I get the recipe?

I need a job where I can reply to goofy emails all day, and send people cool free swag… or gooey free swag.

So, what do you think of this effort?  I have scored many awesome freebies, but I still don’t have jalapeño bites being served at Arby’s in Pittsburgh.  Is this a fail?  Do we still need a protest song?

Should I complain to the post office about this?

If you have no idea what’s going on, check out these posts:

  1. Arby’s :: Bronco Berry Sauce®
  2. OCCUPY ARBY’S
  3. You may call me… “Bronco Jalapeño”
  4. Conflicting Information from Arby’s… (Help Bronco Jalapeño write a song!)
  5. Bronco Jalapeño Rides Again!
  6. Bronco Scores Again!

In other news, I think I have an idea for a contest where the winner can get some Bronco Berry Sauce.  Stay tuned for details!