Pizza Hut’s Intestinal Warfare


If you’ve ever heard me on the subject of Pizza Hut, it all boils down to this…  Pizza Hut = Gastrointestinal Distress.  I have no idea why.  I’ve heard the same thing from many other people when the subject is raised.  I know I’ve gotten into it on facebook not too long ago too.  I enjoy plenty of other pizzas from other chains & from the local shops, all with no digestional discomfort.

I wrote to Pizza Hut a long time ago… and this is all I had to say…

Hello Fine Friends at Pizza Hut,

Contrary to the belief held by your delicious pizzas, my intestines are not a waterslide.  Can you please instruct the   to not use my digestive system as a waterslide park?  It would be very much appreciated!

Gotta go!
-ERiC AiXeLsyD
world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

Well, their answers back then were quite dissatisfying, and when I contacted them again via snail mail, my query went wholly unanswered.

Perhaps that’s why I waged another campaign of emails with a vengeance.  I looked up several Pizza Hut and Yum! Brands executives online, found the syntaxt of their respective companies’ email addresses, and fired off a few notes… as well as filled out the webform once or twice or so.

from ERiC AiXeLsyD world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
to Scott.Bergren@yum.com
date Wed, Jan 20, 2010 at 8:28 AM
subject Intestinal Warfare?
mailed-by gmail.com

Hello,

This isn’t about a specific incident, but a general observation.  There was nowhere in the webform to indicate that, so I had to seek out some email addresses. I find it quite rude that there’s no general inquiry area, or a contact email address.

As for the purpose of my missive…

I would like to know why your pizza treats my intestines like a water park.  Every time I enjoy your delicious slices of pie, I feel like I have swallowed a hurricane that’s trying to escape via my …well, I’ll leave that to your imagination.

I can assure you that I’m not lactose intolerant, but perhaps I’m allergic to something in your sauce or pie?  I don’t seem to have this problem with any other pizza places… chains or local.

Have any other customers written to you regarding gastrointestinal distress of any sort?  My cousin who works in a Pizza Hut in Ohio swears that they use a different sauce there, devoid of the same effects.

Thanks for your time!
-ERiC

Pizza Hut Allergen InformationThe email address experiment seemed to be to no avail.  I’ve either been blocked by IT, spam filters, or wholly ignored.  But, it looks like I did get a bite off of the webform…

from Dave Kronenwetter Davekronenwetter@aurorahuts.com
to world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
cc Ed Holt edholt@aurorahuts.com
date Thu, Jan 21, 2010 at 9:16 AM
subject Pizza Hut Incident Eric Aixelsyd
mailed-by aurorahuts.com

Dear Mr. Aixelsyd,

I was sorry to hear about your experience at the local Pizza Hut. Let me assure you that the ingredients used here in Pennsylvania are the same quality ingredients that are used throughout the country. In most cases our ingredients come from the same suppliers. The following website lists possible allergen & sensitive ingredients : http://www.pizzahut.com/Files/pdf/Updated%20PH%20Allergen%20List%2004.17.09.pdf This website includes our nutritional information: http://www.pizzahut.com/Files/PDF/Pizza%20Hut%20Nutrition%20Info%2010.12.09.pdf. Please feel free to contact me with any additional questions you may have and I will handle them personally

Sincerely,
Dave Kronenwetter

Area Coach
Aurora Huts LLC
412-897-6775
davekronenwetter@aurorahuts.com

Interesting.  Well, at least now I have two good contacts… but perhaps my query will take a more serous and inquisitive turn.

Upon viewing the interesting pdf linked to by Mr. Kronenwetter, I see that a bunch of items there are marked “prepared in common equipment and therefore may contain allergens” in the shellfish column.  I’m not sure exactly why this is, because I don’t recall any shellfish on the Pizza Hut menu, and especially since the items marked are oddly random and specific…  Garlic Parmesan wings, and no others… three different pizza sauces… 3 of the 4 Tuscani pastas, and breadsticks.

I can only assume that these things arrive at Pizza Hut pre-made, and may come into contact with potential allergens at the manufacturing/processing/packaging facility?  Oh well, perhaps I can figure out a way to address this in a goofy manner, yet still yield some positive and enlightening results.  I know that many people suffer from the pizza hut digestion demon, and I really hope it’s not just some sanitary/kitchen issues.

Perhaps this too must move into snail mail territory.  For some reason, most companies seem to treat a real live letter with more respect than an email.

Yum!ballsI thought of Yum! Brands today as we watched Spaceballs…  In the characters Kernel Sandurz and Pizza the Hutt – both now Yum! Brands brands.  Would it be wrong of me to write to them and tell them that Mel Brooks is working on a new special edition of Spaceballs with more scenes, digitally inserted characters and creatures, and better re-vamped special effects… and that they’d like to include more Yum! Brands characters… like Captain Long John Silver and Taco Bell, and some droid sidekicks, A & W?

Beer Chips, Yuengling Lager Sauce, & La Choy Teriyaki Sauce.


Don’t worry, it’s not a recipe.

This is for my wife. Why? Because usually, she hears this rant every time I have to make a trip to the grocery store. Perhaps, in writing it here (and to Giant Eagle), I’ll refrain from telling her my feelings for the 4,397th time.

Submitted today, via contact submission form on the Giant Eagle website:

Hello,

I’d like to request that you carry the following products…

Beer Chips, Yuengling Barbecue Sauce, & La Choy Teriyaki Sauce.

More specifically, I’d like to see them at the Giant Eagle on Cochran Road in Greentree/Mt. Lebanon/Scott Township or whatever the neighborhood is over there.

I drive right by this location on my way home from work, & do the majority of my shopping there.

I first discovered Beer Chips on an end-cap in the Robinson Giant Eagle, and the only other place I’ve seen them is at the Aldi up there… but that place is never reliable as far as expecting a brand name to be there.

Previously, the Cochran Road location did carry Beer Chips in the chip aisle, but I haven’t seen them for weeks. Will they ever return to your tightly packed shelves?

Cochran Road also carried Yuengling Lager Sauce for a short while, but had more of the “hot wing” sauce than the normal stuff, and they hid it on the bottom shelf inches above the floor. How is anyone supposed to find/try the stuff if you do that? I can tell you, it’s excellent, and shouldn’t be relegated to sitting at shoelace level.

Why is the sauce not available at this location any more? If the answer is “it didn’t sell well”, please see my previous references to placement relative to eye level/awareness.

Lastly… we come to the great mystery which is La Choy Teriyaki sauce. I literally go out of my way to get this stuff. As stated previously, I do most of my shopping at the Giant Eagle on Cochran Road. I also find myself occasionally in the Giant Eagle locations in Parkway Center, Bridgeville, or Robinson… or even out in Murrysville, Monroeville, or Squirrel Hill. Call me crazy, but it seems to me that you have a chain-wide ban of La Choy Teriyaki going on. I can never find it it any of your stores. This puzzles me… because you do indeed carry La Choy products… the Soy Sauce and one other sauce which escapes me now… but I NEVER see the Teriyaki sauce in a Giant Eagle.

You may remember that I have written about this before… but I’ve never received an answer… No “we’ll consider carrying that”, no “we’ll get that in our next order to La Choy”, not even a “we don’t carry it because…”

What’s the deal? I feel that if you taste it side by side with the Kikkoman brand, or the Ken’s Steak House Teriyaki Marinade, you’ll have no choice but to agree that it’s clearly the superior product.

Even if not… you sell both Coke & Pepsi, right? Why exclude the La Choy Teriyaki from your fine selection of groceries?

I actually make special trips to the Shop ‘N Save by WAL★MART in Heidelberg or I actually set foot in Kunh’s Market on Banksville Road to get the La Choy Teriyaki Sauce. Have you BEEN to the Kunh’s on Banksville Road? I’ve gotten moldy peppers from that place, as well as ‘turned’ sour cream, …and melted ice cream. I don’t want to go in there. But, I do. Why? To get the La Choy Teriyaki sauce, my friends. It’s THAT GOOD.

I’d love to be able to do all of my grocery shopping with you, and to rack up fuelperks, foodperks, and whatever other kind of perks you come up with in the future.

I look forward to your thoughts on these matters, have a good weekend!

Inquisitively,
-Eric

Yeah.

If you want to know what I’m talking about, check out…