Legoland New York Shenanigans – Go there!


🗽

Family photo in front of the LEGO statue of Liberty.

Her tablet should say "Of course you're tired, after this amusement park you'll be Poor."
Family photo in front of the LEGO statue of Liberty.

This year, we let the kids pick the vacations. Luckily a new job afforded me more time, and we took a year off from being camp counselors/directors. I had offered the beach. I hate the beach, but we have never gone as a family. They brainstormed & settled on Legoland in New York, a trip to visit good friends that live in NJ who took us to New York City, and an upcoming trip to Washington DC.

My wife did the booking/research and set us up for 3 nights in the hotel and 2 days in the park. We both looked at two Facebook groups prior to going to help glean some knowledge:

Somehow, I was dirty banned from the first group with no warning or explanation. 😂 The second group is totally cool. I would suggest joining both. The only thing I can think that got me banned was the toilet thing (keep reading), or that I said to take cash even though they all said not to. (More on that in a bit too.)

I’ll put a list of my tips at the end.

Full disclosure: I like LEGO as much as if not more than the kids. We all do. Even my wife has gotten into building some really cool sets.

The hotel was super cool. We stayed in a Kingdom themed room. It had a separate nook with bunk bends and a TV for the kids, and a King-sized bed & TV for the adults. It came with a bin full of mostly Duplo & some LEGO to play with. It also had a treasure-hunt the first day to get (3) LEGO poly bag sets. We got them the 2nd night too, but not the 3rd. 🤷

I think we watched ALL of the LEGO movies in the room. That was neat.

The lobby has a giant castle that looks like LEGO, a treasure-trove of Duplo & Lego blocks, a climbing wall that isn’t a climbing wall, an area with large LEGO bricks made out of some material that feels like Crocs. There are so many photo opportunities throughout the hotel and park, it’s crazy.

This is ¾ of us sitting on the wall that you're not supposed to climb on.
“We’re loners Dottie, rebels!”

Yeah. 4,672 kids climbed on this wall. Employees would all politely tell them to get off, and the parent / grandparent / aunt / uncle /random stranger would undoubtedly always exclaim “But, it looks like a climbing wall!” There is a sign to the left that says not to climb… but really, it LOOKS like a climbing wall. I suggest the shore it up so it’s safe to climb, or put stuff on the shelves so they don’t look like seats. Or maybe get a bigger more centralized “No Climbing” sign.

The restaurants in the park & at the hotel were interesting. They were crazy expensive, which we had gleaned from the groups, and kind of just expected anyway. The food was eh. I did not like their “fry sauce” on the burger. Breakfast was free with the stay and was a nice tray with scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, French toast sticks, sausage, tator tots or home fries, fresh fruit, and the option of coffee, juice, milk, or water to drink. Pop or iced tea was an up charge.

RIDE THE DRAGON!  🐉🤘
🐉

The rides and attractions are definitely geared to pre-teen kids, but were fun for the whole family. The Dragon was my son’s first roller coaster ride. The indoor rides were fun, and of course they drop you in the gift shops. We kept telling my son that the same stuff would be in the big store. We were wrong. Some stuff was different. No build a minifigure in the big store.

We did not do the water park… It’s convoluted as you have to reserve time in 20 minute increments and it seems like a wild pain in the keister. We thought about doing the pool at the hotel after the park, but we decided to chill the first day and it was raining the second day. The pirate themed rides were perfect for us.

I almost bought the park-exclusive Legoland New York set, and would have for $75, but I didn’t feel like it was worth the $100 asking price. Maybe next time? We did get the photo package for one day, and they kids’ LEGOLAND drivers license photos. I did buy two little New York City themed sets.

OH NO!

The thing that made me laugh the most was our toilet project.

My son was having fun playing with the blocks and all the other kids in the hotel lobby. He became somewhat of a warmonger or arms dealer. Kids were coming up to him like he was Peter Dinklage in that Thor Movie where he forged Stormbreaker, or Tony Stark supplying all sides with arms. He was making Duplo and LEGO swords, guns, and who knows what else for any kid that would ask. He was having an absolute blast. I built Godzilla and a city to smash to pass some time. I also built a Duplo rubber duck and we attached to it a Ninjago figure’s head.

Then my daughter and I got silly. She built a pile of poop out of brown LEGO bricks. I told her to get me a bunch of white Duplo blocks, and made a toilet. At first, we just sat her stuffed LEGO guy in a chicken costume minifig on it. Then, we put it on the tray beside a salad that a LEGO waitress minifig sculpture was carrying. It was hilarious to see kids & adults discover it.

Sophisticated art.  Finely schooled LEGO and Duplo artists add to an existing art installation, to make several high-brown political and societal statements.

OR

A Duplo toilet featuring a LEGO poop put on a serving tray next to a salad on a minifigure LEGO sculpture.
I’m easily amused. I don’t know what her deal is.

All-in-all, we had a great time. I think you will too if you’re into LEGO and your kids are the right age. Check out the last of my pics if you didn’t already see them on Instagram, or skip down to my helpful tips!

My LEGOLAND New York tips:

  • I would suggest getting the app. It was helpful with menus, maps, reservations, etc.
    • You scan a barcode for the menus as the hotel restaurants.
    • You can use the app to order at some food establishments in the park.
    • You need reservations for the $20 cafeteria burger meals at the Bricks Family restaurant.
  • Don’t climb the wall that looks like a climbing wall, or do it quick before they yell at you.
  • Get the burger with the fry sauce on the side.
  • The BBQ place was good!
  • The crappy unwanted minifigures your kid brings to trade are the same ones that every other kid brings to trade, and what the employees have on their carts or badges to offer for trade.
  • BRING CASH. 💵 Even though the Legoland NY FB tips & tricks group that unceremoniously booted me implores you to leave all cash at home… You want to tip, right? If you want to leave a tip for breakfast where you don’t get any add-ons, for the room service, or the hotel cleaning staff, you need cash.
    • There is not even an ATM on site, I asked the front desk.
    • Don’t try to use cash anywhere else there, which is actually fantastic.
    • We had the kids save up their own money for vacation, then put it on VISA gift cards before we went. They purchased what they wanted at their own discretion. We bought them one clothing or stuffed animal item each.
  • Kids’ meals come with a juice pouch in the cute little lunch bag… but it doesn’t advertise that anywhere… so, we bought 2 extra drinks for $10 the first lunch. 🤦‍♂️
  • Pack a bag with water, snacks, or even lunch.
  • The build-you-own minifigure part selection was grim in the hotel store.
  • Get you some LEGO themed shirts.
  • The Elevator Dance Parties are a blast at the hotel.
Shock 'n' Roll is NOT to be confused with the shocker.  🤘
🤘

If you have been there, please share your tips & tricks in the comments! If you have not, ask some questions and I’ll try to answer!

Go ahead, push the button… I dare you.


You know I hate public restrooms.  This sign may be a wave of the future.  Think it’s a good idea?  Think it will work?  Is it too easy to abuse?

Cleanliness is important to all of us...

Intimidating button…

I saw a full garbage can, & thought about pressing the button…but thought it may only be for emergencies not maintenance.  I didn’t want to be the guy that whined about the garbage can being full.  Then again, I’d rather empty a trash bag than pick it up off of the floor if I were an employee there.

Is a button the way to solve all of your bathroom problems? This reminded me of the pull-strings in hospital bathrooms.  Ha ha.  If you find one of these buttons, I dare you to push it & yell “I need someone to wipe!”

Horrible Christmas Presents…


So if you’re looking for a Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan, Kwanzaa or Festivus gift… You may not want to go with these, unless you’re trying to give some kind of hint that you don’t like the recipient. I’ve heard them advertised on the radio lately, and they’re both just ridiculous.

Go nuts over Fresh Balls!

Go nuts over Fresh Balls!

Fresh Balls – “So Fresh. So Dry.” | It is what it sounds like. Some kind of deodorant, lotion, or talc for application to your apparently sweaty coin purse.  Maybe I’m not active or sweaty enough, but I’ve never considered this a real problem.  They advertise buying it for someone as a gift.  Who’s damp smelly package are you close to on a regular basis?  I have some good friends, and I’ve thankfully never smelled their family jewels.  If I ever do smell someone’s nether-regions, I’ll be sure to tell them about Fresh Balls.

✔ Badass colors ✔ Badass patterns ✔ Badass warranty

✔ Badass colors ✔ Badass patterns ✔ Badass warranty

Seats of Anarchy – “Custom toilet seats for hard asses.” | I love some good terrible wordplay, but the name is almost as atrocious as the idea. I’ve never watched Sons of Anarchy, but do they poop a lot?  If they did, I could see the point to this then.  If your man cave is your bathroom… maybe this would be appropriate?  Someone better get their Copyright and/or Trademark lawyers on this pretty quickly.  Nothing says badass like a camouflage toilet seat, or one with barbed wire.  Guarantee that all your guests will hover!  “Designer” toilet seats for manly men and bikers…  It sounds like a crappy idea.  Get it?  Crappy?  Toilet seat?  Ugh.

So, what have you seen lately what would make a horrible holiday present?  Anything as bad as (or worse than) these?

Dear Hotel Architects…


I’m not an architect, or a contractor, or even a toilet salesman… but I think I’ve found a flaw in a certain type of hotel room / bathroom setup.  I’m no germaphobe, but I believe this design to be quite unsanitary.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

What design?  The sink outside of the bathroom design.

Sure, it’s convenient to shave or brush your teeth while someone else is pooping or showering… But at what cost do we purchase this convenience?  The cost of a bazillion tiny germs all over the inside of the door handle after you wipe and before you wash your hands.  Sure, you can grab an extra wad of toilet paper for your journey outside.  How many people do that though?  How much microscopic fecal matter is already on that door handle?  Did the maid think to wipe it down?  What if you forget after you get out of the shower?  You just washed yourself, and now your hand may venture into a feculent festival of filth.

Am I doing something wrong here?  Am I missing something?  Let’s get this right so I don’t have to touch poop-encrusted (albeit microbial poop) door handles.

Employees Must Wash Hands « Blurt


You must read this blog by Omawarisan, he swears that this is the only photo he’s ever taken in a public restroom:

Employees Must Wash Hands « Blurt.

Omawarisan swears that this is the only photo he's ever taken in a public restroom.

I propose a revolution where these signs are strictly adhered to.

We all know my feelings on public restrooms, hand-washing signs, bathroom attendants, and stupid signs in general.  Omiwarisan takes it to the next level.  I applaud his ingenuity and regularly enjoy his blog.  You should check it out.

Sign: SN-R6EMW'Mind Your Manners' Japanese bathroom sign! Toilet Signs Vector Graphic

Pizza Hut actually █████████ to a █████ but then ███████ it.


I tweeted this…

https://twitter.com/#!/AiXeLsyD13/status/195873642356281344

They tweeted this…

https://twitter.com/#!/pizzahut/status/195944183775756289

(They have since deleted it.)

I tweeted this…

https://twitter.com/#!/AiXeLsyD13/status/195996342273839106

Of course, this was all in reference to my apparently infamous maze.  We’ll see if we get a reply.  I’m guessing not, since they deleted their tweet.

Wow.  Do they have an internal policy regarding not answering me?  Holy cow, that is so funny.  Luckily I have a screenshot show that the tweet did indeed exist.

@PizzaHut | @AiXeLsyD13 how humorously cool! We’ll relay this information to our internal team.

Fantastic.

I caught your tweet, Pizza Hut!  Ha ha.  You responded to me.  I win.

I almost forgot, they never responded to this either:

Hey Pizza Hut, my guts are not a water park!

Do you think they "get" that it makes me poop?

Bathroom Attendants.


I’d just like to go on record saying I don’t like bathroom attendants.  I’ve been to two venues lately that have had them, the Diesel Club Lounge & the Altar Bar.  My run-in last night at the Altar Bar was odd.  I went into the stall to relieve myself, and came out to the faucet running, a dude squirting soap in my hands, and handing me some towels when I was done.  It’s odd to have someone do something for me that I could have easily done myself.

Imagine you’re walking down the street and your shoe comes untied, I run up to tie your shoe, & expect a tip.  I would be met with a resounding “WTF?” because I wasn’t asked to help.  Yet, I helped you, and you had no choice.  Odd there.  Odd in the bathroom.

We can suspend the general “stage fright” issue, knowing it’s weird that there’s a dude standing less than 10 feet away, but it is a public bathroom so there’s always that distraction.  It’s just the other guys are there doing the same thing as you, not offering any services.

English: From the author: Gnarly bathroom. Pro...

Poop-flavored candy, cakes, & gum!

Speaking of offering services… No, I don’t want any gum, candy, Swiss cake rolls, or honey buns that have been sitting in the bathroom.  Can’t you at least put that part right outside the door?  I don’t generally have food in my bathroom at home…. why would I want it anywhere else?  How many foul smells & horrible germs must those foods absorb before you’re able to sell them?  I’m not a smoker, but I’m guessing that people who are also don’t want cigarettes that smell like they were pulled out of a sewer.

Why are you trying to sell me food in the bathroom?  No, I don’t need cologne or deodorant, or anything else.  When I’m urinating, it’s my own special alone time.  I don’t need to chat or dine afterwards to celebrate.

Thank goodness I didn’t need to defecate last night.  Who wants to poop with someone hanging out ready to smell that?  Not to be disgusting, but we all do it, and we all know it smells horrible sometimes.  Who the hell wants to stand in a room selling absorbent little cakes while that’s going on?  (Would he build a nest for me?  Is that guy ready to wipe & wet-nap my ass too?  Do you have to tip extra for that?)

I can see the plus sides… perhaps a person in there deters people from being general pigs, graffiti, illicit activities, and promotes hand-washing.  They probably never run out of towels, soap, or toilet paper.  But, really, why not just check on things periodically and put up a sign.

Do these attendants get paid, or do they work only for tips & poop-flavored candy sales?  How does one get a position as a urination supervision specialist?

Shouldn’t I have a chance to refuse their services entirely if it creeps me out?

Where & why did this all start?

We live by Carnegie Mellon, can’t someone make some robots for this job that aren’t creepy & that don’t require tips?

Enlighten me.

Wash Your Hands Frequently. Also, don’t forget to breathe.


GOOD HYGIENE

(Sort of) Good Hygiene

I saw this sign over the weekend in the restroom of a retail store. It was beside the standard “employees must wash hands before returning to work” sign.  This was just a print out, placed in a 3-ring binder type page protector, then taped to the wall.  I don’t mean to poke fun at the store, or the person who placed the sign on the wall… but I do see a few problems with this sign, and similar signs in general.  (OK, maybe I do mean to poke fun – you can read an old rant on public restrooms here.)

My first issue with this specific sign was step #3.  For you the reader to appreciate this, I should have perhaps taken a few more photos of my surroundings.  The knobs on the sink were the little kind.  One would have to be quite flexible and creative to turn them off with their arms.  Also, this restroom lacked paper towels.  There was a hand dryer on the wall though.  I could have used some toilet paper to turn off the faucet, but have you ever gotten TP wet?  And, if I waited until my hands were dried by the air dryer… I would have wasted a large amount of water.  I can see that someone took the time to print & post the sign carefully.  Perhaps they could have altered the steps to ones that pertain to their setup?

I guess that’s my only big issue with this sign, other than other sings have told me 30 seconds, or even to sing a song in my head, like “Old McDonald” or “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star”… but I’m sure hand-washing time is a subject of hot debate in the hand-washing and general good hygiene sign community.

I wonder what frequently means?  I would think that if one needed hand-washing explained, and they could read the word frequently… one may wonder exactly how often one should wash.  One may think a few times a day is frequent.  One may think that since you’re in the bathroom, it’s talking about your time within.  Should you wash your hands 2 or 3 times for each restroom trip?  I would bet that clarification is definitely needed for the people that need these signs.  I find myself confused, and I already know how to wash my hands.  (Also, I’m sure that some medical professionals would remind you that frequent hand-washing is a sign of OCD.)

I wonder who needs these sings, and at the same time… why there aren’t more of them, educating the uninformed masses of more good hygiene policies.  There could certainly be a bunch more in public restrooms like “don’t pee on the seat”, “no boogers on the wall please”, & “proper nest-building for public toilets”.

I almost want to make a “how to wipe your behind” sign to hang up as a joke to post in restrooms around the area… but sadly I fear that we may see them for real some day.  Maybe they do already exist somewhere.  I would definitely include a “flush at [X] number of sheets per [X] ounces of fecal matter, to prevent clogging” line.

Perhaps a sign above the trash can that says “please do not place soiled underwear in trash can” would also be in good order.  Seems I know quite a few people who have worked places with public restrooms where this sort of thing has apparently happened.  Maybe in with this, signs warning against urinating or defecating in the sink would be appropriate.  This, I have unfortunately seen with my own eyes at the O.  Many many years ago, I was trapped by a hopefully drunk street-urchin looking fellow once who tried to share my urinal… when I balked, he relieved himself in the sink which was unfortunately on my way out the door.  That time, I skipped washing my hands.  Perhaps a footnote is in order on the hand-washing sign.  “*If you have just witnessed someone urinating in the sink, you may skip hand-washing.”  I’m betting the same people that need hand-washing reminders/instructions would also need to be told not to touch others’ urine.

So, I now task you the reader with helping me think of other signs that may need to be hung up in public restrooms and beyond.  What do people need told?  What obvious things maybe aren’t so obvious to all of us need to be publicly addressed?

What about “Please don’t eat the food on the floor by the trash can” at your favorite fast food restaurant? What about “how to pick up dog poop” instructions at the park, right by the useless “No Dogs In Park” signs?  What about some signs on buggies (shopping carts to you non-Yinzers) that say “We have cart returns, please put this in one when you’re done, not pushed to a random nearby corner”?

If you’re super-creative, send me a sign and I’ll post it.  You can either link to the url or image wherever it lives using html in the comments, or email it to world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com.

Please, wash your hands before emailing me though.

I hate public bathrooms.


Abandonded, dirty bathroom - Seattle

Image by StartTheDay via Flickr

Well, I’m sure everyone does to a certain extent.  I hate them for the obvious reasons of comfort/germs/privacy just like (I’d imagine) everyone else.  I mean, everyone would rather do business on their own throne & all alone, am I right?

I hate public facilities for other reasons that are somehow more annoying than the obvious…

  • They’re never stocked properly.  Okay, I guess this one’s obvious.  Sorry.  Perhaps I should also say “rarely” instead of “never”, but I’m ranting here.  If something’s not out completely, the dispenser is jammed which is worse because it’s there but you can’t get to it.  Soap? Toilet paper? Hand towels?  Who needs ’em, right?
  • TP Quality.  If I can see through it and  have to go bad enough that I’m actually pooping in a public bathroom, you can guarantee that I’m going to wad it so much that you should have just bought the better stuff anyway.
  • The “hey we cleaned it 10 min. ago” sign-in sheets.  Yeah, “cleaned”.
  • Sink design.  There seem to be a lot of sink designers out there that have never actually washed their hands.  When the faucet hangs about 2 inches over a sink basin with a large slope… my knuckles are hitting porcelain and my palms remain dry until I pull some contortionist-like moves that should probably get me into the Olympics.  Did no one think about that when the bathrooms were being built or remodeled?  No one has tried the sink out, regardless of the inevitable “Employees Must Wash Hands” sign?  Perhaps I am doing it wrong.  Is there a secret?  If there is a better way, I am but your humble student.
  • Water.  It’s never quite right, is it?  Scalding, freezing… a minor inconvenience I guess.  Most public sinks that I encounter have the all-on-splash-my-shirt setting and the just-above-a-drip setting with not much in between.  I’ll also mention the “oh no I leaned on the counter and it looks like I peed my pants” moment here.  The auto-sinks at Walmart stores feel like there’s a tiny elf with an eyedropper in there just waiting to wash your hands.
  • Foam soap is just terrible.  Quit it already.  I’m over it, and you should be too.  It dissipates so quickly & leaves my hands feeling either not clean at all at best or almost sticky at worst.  The watered-down liquid soap that was used regularly well into the late 90’s and early 00’s is just fine.
  • Technology isn’t your friend.   I’m the last person to run a tirade against technology.  But sometimes, the more there is to it, the more there is to go wrong.
    • The auto-flush toilet was probably the first to appear.  While noble, I have perfected my boot-flush and elbow-flush techniques… so I don’t need it, even if it does work.  Everyone’s heard the tale of someone who was auto-flushed upon amid doing business on the john.  No one wants to be the victim there, right?  Especially of the ones that look like a mini hurricane in a bowl.
    • The Hand Dryer.  I believe the correct ratio is 1 out of every 3 hand dryers (hot or cool) actually functions.  I haven’t done any studies, and I’m not sure if this is the factory QC acceptance level, but it seems about right.  I’m saying 1 out of 5 for the no-button auto kind.  You can quote me on this.
    • The hands-free paper towel dispenser.  Jammed, not working, empty, gives a 3″ square or enough to dry 1 finger… then takes 10 minutes to give you enough for the next finger.  So much here to go wrong.
    • The hands-free soap dispenser.  There’s no soap in it, because it’s all on the floor.  Or, if it’s an in-sink unit, there’s always a bottle of Softsoap or Dial there because the in sink unit is always empty or broken.
    • The hands-free sink.  See my previous comment about elves & eye droppers.  It also helps if the elf isn’t sleeping.
    • Pfft.  The auto your-ass-stinks dispensers make it smell like poop and flowers.  That helps.
    • What’s next?  Someday there will be butt-wiping robots or poo-burning laser beams.  I’d like to go on record now as voting against this.
  • The pee trough.  These are rare nowadays, thank goodness.
  • The Surprise.  Unfortunately you know what I’m talking about.  Stop it, people.
  • The trash can.  Full or overflowing?  Yes.  The in-sink or in-wall ones are a joke.
  • The multi-tasker.  I don’t want to hear you on your phone while you’re pooping.  The person on the other end doesn’t want to talk to you while you’re pooping.  I don’t want to talk to you while I’m pooping.  Phones and pooping do not mix.
  • The dweller.  What’s with people that just hang out in restrooms?  What are you doing besides making me nervous?  If you’re not using the facilities or freshening up… get out.

What did I miss?  I’m sure something in public restrooms annoys you too.  What is it?  Am I wrong with any of the above statements?  Have any horror stories?  Hit me with comments…

W(aL)D Maze & Letter for Pizza Hut…


Dave made me do it.  I’ve been messing with Pizza Hut for a long time… but it’s actually become a serious quest.  I’ve been drawing mazes lately for some reason.  Dave sparked this recent fit of madness with one innocent comment on the last maze;

You should make the START a Pizza Hut and the end a toilet.

Why not? I ask myself.  I took it a step further, and crafted this for my pie-making pals…

Pizza Hut Maze

A letter within a maze, for my pals at Pizza Hut.

Let’s hope this gets someone’s attention, and I finally get a decent reply.  Now, to dig up all those addresses again.  I guess I’ll have to include something with my return address.  I forgot to work that into my letter-maze.

As with all my mazes, if you feel compelled to complete one… please email me a completed maze & I’ll post it here!  (Click the one above for a larger version.)