Let’s express gratitude for our prosperity while ravaging a beheaded fowl carcass.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I mean, Happy Thanksgiving!
Let’s all celebrate much like we should on Columbus Day. Go to your neighbor’s house, call them heathens, kick them out, and claim it as your own. Make them teach you how to plant corn first.
So, I entered 3 of my goofy beauties into the “Mutant Beauty Pageant” in Joe Gore‘s Tone Fiend blog at the Seymour Duncan website. I have had people tell me they’re ugly, I have had people that dig them. I’m just glad that we live in a world with so many available options. Guitar beauty (& awesomeness) is subjective, after all.
You can check out the entries so far by clicking the triple-headed turkey, and you can also read the original rules post. When you’re done with that, enter your weird guitar! Yeah, it’s got to be yours… not something you just found on the internet somewhere.
I’m really diggin’ Dr. Soda’s “calm like a bomb” Explorer custom …thing. I’d love to see some more photos. Is that circuit board 3D? I can imagine ripping my hand open on that… but then again, that would be one hell of a show.
Also, you’ll notice that Mr. Gore used my Batman guitar in the photo with the tri-topped turkey that I have dubbed “Cerberus, the Darkmeat Knight”. How cool is that? Funny part is, I just got a Seymour Duncan Distortion Humbucker to drop into it.
In other news, did you know that they both cater? I wish someone would have told me.
I actually stopped at the local Panera the other night because the wife was sick and wanted some of that cheese-broccoli soup. I went in to get some to go, and got myself a half of a turkey sandwich and a cup of the chicken noodle.
The employee (a young girl, of course) at the counter was quite friendly, asked if I wanted lettuce tomato or onion on the sandwich, and even asked if I wanted mustard and/or mayo. Clearly, someone went over new procedures. Sadly, I asked for lettuce & tomato… and got neither, but I did get mustard and mayo. I applaud the effort, and shame on me for not checking before I left the store.
I have to say, after my initial complaint, they have totally stepped it up service-wise. I still call shenanigans on the new soup. They ought to let sales do the talking… OFFER BOTH. It’s certainly a popular item. Let the consumers decide if they want a great-tasting soup… or the crappy flat-noodled healthy soup. Clearly, as a leader in the Fast Casual industry, you can afford to test the proverbial waters? I think more changes have been made, but it’s still not the old soup. Shenanigans.
Also, I counted 3 signs within a span of about 8 feet on the counter where you wait for your order advertising the catering… and the pop machine still does it too. I think the receipt may have even said something about it.
I spend far too much time contemplating fast food & fast casual dining. If only I could save time buy purchasing already prepared meals. Does anyone out there do that?
I can’t wait to make stuffing again. It’s ridiculously tasty. I love the carb overload. Maybe I will get those goggles, and I need to pick up some Yuengling. A week from tonight, I should be in the process of creating this awesomeness.
I’ll show you my stuffing recipe if you show me yours.
Maybe this year, I’ll try to make some Potato Filling too. There are a bunch of recipes for it out there. Maybe stuffing balls would be good… Now I’m hungry.
From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Nov 4, 2011
Subject: New Catering Advertisement Opportunities!
To: & Cc: A bunch of Panera & Boston Market Employees
Hello friends at Boston Market & Panera Bread,
I assume that the lack of response to my last email about an all-out catering battle at my house was ill-received. I didn’t get any interest from either camp, or even any kind of acknowledgement of my email. Not even a coupon. Isn’t that the typical response? “Throw ’em a coupon!” Color me disappointed.
No reply is rather rude, don’t you think? Batman movie night has come & gone. We dutifully provided a favorable dining experience to our guests thanks to an incredible local pizza shop. Roasted red peppers as a pizza topping? A hit all around, I tell you! Subs with a homemade feel cut in to bite-size appetizers were also quite delicious.
I’m not sure why neither Panera Bread or Boston Market was willing to enter my catering battle royale. It would have been an exciting opportunity for both of you. I realize now… that you need help with forward thinking. You missed this opportunity to advertise your catering and fight for my dollar.
I believe that I may have come around to your way of thinking. Perhaps I need to fight for your dollar. I previously saw advertisements on the pop machine and all over the windows as borderline obscene… but why stop at the border, friends? Let’s trample the border, deface it on our way through, and not look back! I have some ideas that you may find attractive. I really look forward to your feedback. (Don’t give me any shenanigans about unsolicited ideas and what-not, we’re all friends here.)
Advertising on the napkins. You already do it on the receipts, walls, & windows. Subway uses their napkins for nutrition information. Show them up, advertise! Think of all that clean wasted ad space ripe for the slinging of your delicious wares. Were one ambitious, this could extend to the “to go” sandwich wrappings, the fancy new plates that you’re both using, and even the trays. Hell, why not the drink cups?
Guerrilla advertising. You could have employees go into your parking lot at regular intervals, and put flyers under the windshield wipers of cars. If you really wanna get crazy, try bumper stickers! People would love decorations on their autos.
Me. Send me a T-shirt that advertises your catering services. I play in a band. I’ll wear it to shows. The throngs of bar patrons who rock out with me on a regular basis will be sure to flock to the nearest Panera Bread or Boston Market location. I might be able to convince my band-mates to do the same. If we’d like to get really crazy, may I offer to sell my forehead as a billboard?
Paystubs. Your employees get paid right? Get that money back! Advertise your catering services on their pay-stubs, and any communications that you need to send. There’s room on that W2 envelope for a 10% off catering coupon.
Right on the food itself. This is the one that excites me the most! You’ve seen the toasters that produce an image of Darth Vader, and the irons that brand your initials on to a steak, right? There are also printers that print right on things like rice paper & cakes. Why not take advantage of this technology? Think about it. Full color printing on wraps? Toasty images on buns, bread, & bagels? Delicious meat branded with confidence, demanding that you pick up a catering menu. It’s never been done. It’s opulent. It’s genius. (If I do say so myself.)
So, what do you think? Can I help in this new advertising adventure? These are the next steps in the evolution of promulgation. Let’s move onward and upward, into uncharted catering promotional territory. It will be an onslaught to the senses, and an influx in revenue for all involved. I’m excited for this venture, and especially excited to get some feedback from everyone involved.
Excelsoir!
-Waldo Lunar
[ -YOUR AD COULD BE HERE- ]
Made some chili the other day. I don’t think I’ve ever made it the same twice, but I dig that. This time, I puréed some fresh & roasted peppers, and added hominy. Next time, I’ll try less tomato stuff. Maybe less spices.
This batch caused some absolutely ridiculous gastrointestinal distress. I had to employ both Vernor’s & Pepto. Serving leftovers over some creamy buttermilk mashed potatoes helped a little, but not much.
Chili à la AiXeLsyD over mashed potatoes... topped with shredded triple cheddar.
Anyone ever use anything in your chili to cut down on heartburn or any other side-effects? I rinsed the beans (black & kidney here). My grandma said baking soda may help, but I think that’s for gas from the other end.
Vernor's Ginger Soda
I think the peppers or spices are what got me here… maybe the garlic. I burped so much after drinking a little Vernor’s that I actually amazed myself. Where did all that air come from? Surely some spectacular chemical reactions where going on inside my stomach. SCIENCE!
Can;t wait for that coal-black Pepto poop.
Think Vernor’s would be a good ingredient in the chili? What about Pepto? How about some Tums?
I feel the need to write once more to applaud their cleanliness & friendliness at the BBQ station (OK, the Smoke & Fire Rotisserie). Bethany & I were there for dinner & grocery shopping last night on a trip to get a bunch of stuff and take advantage of the dastardly cult-like fuelperks!®/foodperks!™ programs. (Don’t tell anyone, but Tuesday night is a great night to go shopping there.)
sign for the special sort of Yinzer…
I noticed a few things. First, I noticed a sign above the soups that said that seafood soups would be available in the seafood section. I wish I had snapped a photo. It may not have anything to do with allergies & potential cross-contamination, but I like it. Keep the deadly seabugs in their own little corner.
Next and more importantly, I noticed the employee that handled my order. She told me that she’d be with me as soon as possible while she handled the order for the people in front of me. I had no problem waiting, but the acknowledgement of my presence was a great start. You can’t imagine how many people behind a food counter will just ignore you, and how such a simple thing as a hello makes all the difference.
The big surprise came after I ordered my turkey sandwich with St. Loius style sauce & grilled vegetables (which are so incredibly awesome). I watched my new favorite employee take the carving knife carving, wash it in the sink, then come back to spray/wash/wipe the cutting board, then proceed to carve the delicious turkey for my simple yet tasty sandwich.
Such simple steps, such a comfort for someone with food allergies. I know I go to the Rotisserie station because it’s deathfish free, but hopefully this is an insight to Market District‘s overall food prep/handling policies. If not put in place by training, I applaud this team member’s personal dedication to cleanliness! I wonder if they’ve looked at FAAN’s guide to welcoming guests with food allergies? I was already a fan of the place because of other chefs there that I had talked to regarding food allergies, and this just put it over the top.
I hope to write to Market District to express my awe & thanks. If only they would do a few more simple things, they would indeed be the most awesome grocery store ever:
Carry LaChoy Teriyaki sauce. I’m just sayin’, I have to go to Kunh’s or Shop n’ Save to get it, and I don’t get my crack-addiction-like need for fuelperks filled when I go to either of those places. I have tried to get you to carry this to no avail. Why the hate?
…the corporate office (or in your case the corporate office for our franchise partner who operates bakery-cafes in the Pittsburgh area) reviews your email before contacting and working closely with the general manager to try to resolve the issue.
panerabread Hey, thx for sharing feedback through website. Sorry about your disappointing experience, our CS team is looking into & will be in touch.
Heh.
I got this email from the local general manager…
From: 3497 <panera3497@covelli.com> To: [me] Sent: Friday, July 29, 2011 10:50 AM Subject: Contact Us
Dear Mr. Carroll,
I would like to introduce myself as Carrie Janota, the General Manager at the Greentree Panera Bread. I appreciate all your feedback and coaching. Your response will definitely help us with current and future training to associates, especially this time of year. The company has made several changes with menu items that you expressed in your comments. First, our turkey is now presliced so the consistency is different than when we sliced it in house. We also changed the recipe of our chicken noodle soup, which makes it all natural. Another healthy initiative we have taken is the removal of sauces on all cafe sandwiches. We offer packets of mayo and mustard at the condiment bar or you are welcomed to inform the cashier that you would like the condiments on the sandwich and we will gladly put them on for you. The “no onions” is our mistake and I would like to compensate you for a free meal next time you visit a Panera Bread. If you could please send me your address, I will gladly put the coupon in the mail for you. Again, thank you for your input, I use all issues as a learning tools for our associates.
Carrie Janota
General Manager
So, this is what I wrote back to them…
-餧馕馒-
Thank you Ms. Janota,
You certainly can address me as “Eric”, not “Mr. Carroll”. I appreciate your incredibly rapid and well-stated response to my experience yesterday. I was going out of my mind in disbelief. I would suggest that Panera spend more time asking/telling customers about changes, and less time advertising your catering services. I mean, really… on the pop machine, you’re advertising the catering service? What about a nice big poster that says… “WARNING: WE CHANGED THE TASTY NOODLES IN THAT SOUP THAT YOU LIKE, THE MEAT ON OUR SANDWICHES, AND HAVE DECIDED TO FORGO MUSTARD.” (Or even a nice traditional Coke or Pepsi logo?)
Boston Market is annoying/obnoxious with advertising their catering too. I get it. You guys cater. I know this. I’m here for dinner. You don’t need to advertise for a place that I’m already in. Imagine going into Walmart & seeing a sign in every aisle that advertises the stuff in the next aisle. This could get quote old quite quickly.
Attn: Panera – I don’t host any lunch parties or have a need for sandwich rings.
Attn: Boston Market – I can cook my own Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner.
Attn: Bob Evans – I can handle making my own lasagna or meatloaf.
Attn: Chick-fil-A – The only thing I’d do with a tray full of nuggets is eat them all myself.
Since you took the time to write, and you’re obviously concerned and well-written, I’d like to address my concerns & the new issues raised more specifically.
The Onion – This is not a big deal. I generally don’t even say anything & just take the onion off myself. This is the first time I was ever asked “Lettuce, tomato, & onion?” in a Panera. So, I said “Lettuce & tomato, no onion please.” This is the only reason I took note. It also said on my receipt “NO ONION” – so the cashier took the effort to note it, and the sandwich-maker had to read & ignore it. Just odd. Again, this is nothing that should ruin one’s day.
The Turkey – I call shenanigans. Any foodie will tell you there’s a world of difference between lunch-meat turkey and the freshly-sliced real thing. Why would Panera decide to sacrifice quality like this? Does it save time? Does it save money? Certainly it can’t be healthier… isn’t pre-packaged lunch-meat loaded with salt & preservatives? Imagine my surprise upon looking at my $6 half-sandwich full of lunch-meat where I had expected (and previously received) actual turkey. Where was my warning of this upon ordering? I certainly didn’t get the proverbial memo here. At least there’s no confirmation of turkeys with gold nuggets in their gizzards and fine wine in their gullets. Although, I didn’t get a staunch denial.
The Lettuce & Tomato – Are Panera employees encouraged to look at the ingredients before placing them on sandwiches? Really, that’s all that would be needed to prevent the placement of brown lettuce & green tomatoes. A general rule of thumb could be “If you were going to make yourself a sandwich, would you use this?”
The lack of any condiments – Again, list this in the “things that would be nice to know before I placed my order, or at the very least as I was placing my order” category. I liked the previous dressing/sauce whatever you want to call it, and it was certainly different from the straight mayo or spicy brown mustard available by the drinks (& catering advertisement). Is this really a “healthy” option or a money-saving option? I’m reminded of the “removing one olive from every salad” story with American Airlines. It saved them a rumored $40,000. I imagine all of this no-more-condiments stuff adding up to a HUGE savings for Panera… but my sandwich didn’t get cheaper, did it? No passing along the savings? (I think Steak ‘n’ Shake has done this too… their salads used to be nice-sized with cherry tomatoes… now they’re small & have tomato slices.)
The mysterious thumbprint – The noted lack of condiments has me even more concerned about the yellow thumbprint that was on the top of my sandwich. I had just assumed it was some of the condiment that was supposed to go on the inside. I ripped this portion out of the top of my sandwich before eating, to the bewilderment of my eye-rolling yet tolerant-to-my-neuroses wife. This leads me to wonder what the yellow stuff on my sandwich was… if not mustard, was it some of her broccoli cheddar soup? If so, this is incredibly alarming because it could have easily been clam chowder… and I’m highly allergic to shellfish. How is soup on the sandwich board or my sandwich when it wasn’t even my soup? I suggest you educate your employees on allergens & cross-contamination. Barring all that… it’s just a little gross. That could have been a big yellow booger for all I know.
The healthy soup – Pardon me if I laugh at the “all natural” expression. While I understand the meaning, visions of a supernatural soup come to mind. Was the prior soup possessed by demons? The noodles certainly were homemade-looking and delicious. Were they the result of a tasty pact with the devil or an ancient spell? Did the ingredients float into the bowl themselves? I don’t know what the tiny paper-thin pasta squares in the new soup are, but they are a Ford Focus to the previous soup’s BMW 7 Series. They’re not whole-grain pasta, are they? I hate whole-grain pasta. If this soup was a state, the broth were the land-mass and the chicken bits & noodle-like squares were people… it would be Alaska or Wyoming. Do you see what I’m saying? (Actually, the noodles might be the people, and the chicken may be an endangered species living within that state… but I’ve already pushed that metaphor too far.) I’m not entirely sure if this is the fault of the soup-ladeler or the soup recipe. As far as healthy vs. tasty in soup, I suggest you look up news articles related to Campbell’s. They’re putting salt back into soup to boost sales. I see from your corporate Facebook page that this is apparently an issue that has ruffled some feathers. Perhaps a shift back is in order?
The rusty knife – Poop happens. Have the dishwasher look over some stuff. I’d throw out the rusty ones. This rust was quite prominent on the handle of the butter knife, in the details of the design.
Thank you for your time, I hope you can use my input to your advantage… for your team, and perhaps passed on to a corporate level. I’d like to respectfully decline a free meal. I don’t write these sort of emails in order to get free food… and I’m skeptical of any coupons/certificates flagging me as “oh, here’s that guy”. I may even be done with Panera bread for a while. Bedsides the potentially scary cross-contamination and general utensil-cleanliness issues, our philosophies don’t seem to mesh well. I don’t need you to make health decisions for me, I need you to give me quality meals at the prices you demand. Your new more healthy less tasty soup and lack of condiments disturbs me, and apparently your quality standards aren’t the same as mine at your current menu prices.
I’d suggest taking some of the money saved from condiment rationing, smaller noodles, & catering advertising… and funneling it into a survey system to find out what your consumers want, or at the very least making signs or T-shirts that say “We’re holding the mustard unless you tell us not to!” or “New soup! Less noodles & chicken, but no ghosts!” It would also be money well spent on allergy training or buying new non-rusty silverware. Do you have any corporate contacts whom with I could perhaps take up this discussion?
Supernatural soup supporter,
-Eric
?sretac arenaP taht wonk uoy diD .seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI
The last two times I have been to Panera Bread, it’s been a debacle. Okay, I’m exaggerating a bit… but it’s still ridiculous when compared to the price. At the Robinson (Settler’s Ridge?) location, I got the wrong sandwich entirely… but tonight’s experience was absolutely ridiculous. I actually just reviewed my experience at PaneraListens.com (as per the receipt), and through the contact form on their website.
This is what I shared…
I paid $6.69 for a half of a sandwich, which is now lunch meat & used to be actual pieces of turkey. There were onions on the sandwich, and the receipt says “no onions” like I asked. No big deal in itself. There was no mustard/mayo/sauce on the sandwich, except for a thumbprint of something on the top/outside that shouldn’t be there. Didn’t it used to come with a mustard? 1 of the 2 pieces of lettuce had brown edges. The center of the tomato was hard & green. The chicken noodle soup was ridiculously sparse as far as the noodles and/or chicken. I had about 4 or 5 spoonfuls of actual ingredients, and about a half bowl of broth. The (lack of) quality of the meal was astounding. How far has a once-great restaurant fallen? I expect crappy food/service from McDonald’s… but not from Panera Bread.
You can improve by instructing employees to read their screens or receipts or whatever they read to make the orders. You can then teach them how to make sandwiches without using brown lettuce or green tomatoes… and how to not put mustard thumb-prints on the outside of mustard-less sandwiches. (Cross-contamination is a nightmare for people with food-allergies, have you considered this?) You can also teach them how to ladle proper portions of chicken noodle soup… now with lame little noodles instead of the homemade-looking ones of yesteryear.
You can also stop subbing turkey lunch meat for real turkey in your $6 turkey sandwiches. A friggin’ POUND of turkey at the grocery store doesn’t even cost $6, and YOU should be getting restaurant/wholesale prices. Not that I would deny you profit… but REALLY? Do the turkeys that you buy use gold nuggets in their gizzards? Do they drink fine wine?
I neglected to go complain, because everyone working seemed to really care less if my order was correct or not… I also fear some sort of retaliation if I need a re-made sandwich or an actual bowl (not cup) of soup.
My wife had a cream of broccoli soup & a salad that looked spectacular. No brown lettuce even… and it was a whole bowl! She did get a knife that had rust on the handle though… sort of unappetizing. I’d rather see plastic flatware than rusty flatware.
Something was really wrong here today, or I just had some bad karma all around my order.
I know I sound insane, and it’s really not that big of a deal… but this kind of stuff drives me absolutely nuts. I just can’t imagine serving a half-assed sandwich… with a thumbprint on it, either in my house to a guest, or especially not at a job where I’m being paid to do it. Also, you go to a chain for consistency… which I have never received at Panera.
I think I’m most disappointed with the apparent swindling of turkey lunch meat for actual turkey… and whatever those tiny little pasta squares were compared to the old homemade style noodles. Panrea bread… we’re not stupid. I doubt I’ll be back.
I love barbecue, or BBQ or Bar-B-Q or whatever you want to call it. This isn’t going to be a blog about what you think the “real” definition of barbecue is (wet/dry, smoke/no smoke, slow & low/fast & hot, sauce/no sauce, charcoal/gas, grill/pit)… the purists all claim to be right, and the term can be applied to the meat (or veggies I guess), the cooking, the spices, the sauce, or the gathering. If you want to argue/learn about the differences, check out Wikipedia.
Since I’m just a fan of barbecue, not a professional BBQ cook, and live in Pittsburgh not the south*… I won’t take a stand on the issue. I like all varieties. (Although, would chipped ham barbecue be “Pittsburgh Style” BBQ? I’d support that.)
I was inspired to write about BBQ today because I recently had an excellent dinner form the Pittsburgh Barbecue Company. It reminded me of my three favorite barbecue joints. I was just wondering what other people thought of them, and what other awesome local BBQ joints might not be on my radar.
Rowdy BBQ
Rowdy BBQ Tagline: “We think of you when we pull our pork!” – I swear this place used to be called Brentwood Express or have it in the name somewhere… but now the site’s commercial strictly says “Rowdy BBQ”, so we’ll go with that.
At any rate, this is my favorite barbecue sauce. I love this stuff! It’s a sweet yet spicy sauce. They have a killer menu with all kinds of fun things like “The Big Pig”, “The Whole Hog”, and the “Knuckle Sandwich”. I usually get the ribs/chicken combo with some fries and eat just enough to make myself almost sick. The ribs are always cooked perfectly, sometimes the chicken is dry, but not “ooh I can’t eat this” dry. The fries are awesome, and this is the only place out of my 3 favorites that even has fries. (They used to have excellent pierogies, but I don’t think they’re on the menu anymore.) I’ve had the Big Pig & the brisket sandwiches, they are awesome. I want to try the cheese steaks, but at pulled to the BBQ offerings every time I’m there. I want to buy the sauce to bring home, but then I won’t have an excuse to go there. The parking lot is chaos, and you’re eating about 5 feet away from the traffic on Rte. 51 when you’re on the one site… but I can never wait to get home to eat, gotta eat it there! (And, I’d miss the rowdy rooster!)
Pittsburgh Barbecue Company Tagline: “That place on Banksville…” – This place is the closest to home for me, and is pretty damn tasty BBQ. The sauce is a little more tangy than sweet. I go for the brisket or pulled pork here more often than the ribs… but the ribs & chicken are damn good. I like their mac n’ cheese. It’s got a tasty homemade feel. They have a pretty minimalist menu, but I really like that. They know what they do, and they do it well. My wife Bethany loves their baked apples side. The cornbread is excellent too. They seem to be a little expensive here, but again, it’s worth it. You definitely get what you pay for… the meat portions on the sandwiches are huge.
The sauce is nice & peppery. I get a spicy tingle every time we dine here. There’s also a nice outside dining area, and although sparse like Rowdy BBQ, you’re not eating amid exhaust like you are on Rte. 51. It’s got a nice little log cabin/shack feel inside. They also tout a bunch of “#1’s” on their site, most recent being Pittsburgh Magazine’s “Best in the ‘Burgh 2010”. This place is no secret, even if it is hiding back off of the main road.
Clem’s Cafe Tagline: “Home of the nice racks, big breasts, juicy thighs, and warm buns! ” – This one is way out there, but really worth the drive. They have an excellent tangy sauce… I can taste the vinegar in it, but it blends well with the overall flavor. The best part about Clem’s is that hands down the meat is always falling off the bone on the ribs… and always always juicy with the chicken. I like the mac & cheese here, and the ability to get the Boylan’s root beer or birch beer.
The dining facilities are great, it’s always a nice place to sit & eat. They have a concise menu, again not too much, you know exactly why you’re there… for the BBQ!
So, where else should I try? My #1 criteria in finding a cool new BBQ place is that they don’t have shrimp(or any other shellfish) on the menu… like Rib Cage BBQ. I like the BBQ places because of the limited menu & no chance of cross-contamination. It’s nice to be able to completely relax at an eating establishment.
I would love to be able to get some turkey at a BBQ place though… either deep-fried & topped with some sauce… or in a pulled-pork style or brisket-style sandwich… or turkey legs. Man, I love turkey legs.
So, flood me with commentary!
*There are a number of people around here that do indeed think we are a southern state… “Pennsyltucky” and all…
World (and Lunar) Domination 