Tag Archives: Walmart★

This bed was a nightmare to assemble.

Posted on by Standard Reply

I was going to write an email to the manufacturer, but I can’t find the manufacturer. I left a product review on the Target website, but it’ll probably get deleted. It’s the same terrible bed listed over & over on several sites with different manufacturers. Searching the part numbers on the manual does find a manual online, but it’s not a manufacturer’s site. It’s just some image host. It’s also definitely not the manual that came with our purchase.

The same bed, all over the place, same stock photos:

I know it’s no secret that this happens, has been happening for years… but it’s wild that you can’t track down the base manufacturer.

░▒▓█▓▒░

My wife ordered this for our daughter’s birthday, and we assembled it today. It was an absolute nightmare.

None of the botls/screws to assemble were labeled or bagged separately… they were all thrown into one bag, there were no extra pieces as is usual. There were two different sized hex bolt heads, and although they included allen keys, this is just ridiculous. The headboard (sideboard?) took about ⅓ of a turn before you had to e-seat the hex key bit. Luckily I had a ratchet version, but it was still tedious.

There are absolutely no pilot holes for any of the screws, again, as is generally the practice with furniture that you assemble. They did not tell you how far to put the wheels in for the trundle part… I had to re-seat them after discovering they wouldn’t fit with the block on the side panels. There weren’t even guide holes for the feet.

This was engineered, manufactured, & packed by people wholly unconcerned for the ease or quality of the assembly of the end product.

I had to make up new swear words by compounding the ones I already knew because none of them were sufficient enough to express my displeasure at the assembly of this certifiable monstrosity.

I would rather pull the short & curlies out of my coinpurse than ever purchase or assemble a product from this manufacturer or seller again.

It says WF318460/WF318467/WF318479 on the manual, and that’s nowhere in the product description. Beware if you googled that part # for help.

P is for Potato. 🥔

Posted on by Standard 1

This is mainly a re-post/revision of a Facebook status.  I’m still in awe, even a few days later.

You probably read about it, saw it, or heard it in WTAE, WPXI, or KDKA.  You may have even seen it somewhere else.  This woman (in a feat worthy of “Florida Man”) walked into a Walmart to relieve herself.  The problem with that is that she did it not only in the produce section, but on some produce.  Potatoes.  I personally like my potatoes mashed, not micturated.

I have so many thoughts about this.

The BEST part is that Walmart✻ had to release a statement assuring that they threw out the produce and disinfected the area. I mean, silly of me to assume that would be the case.

I have seen some Walmart bathrooms, and I may have supported this choice in this instance. They also close for “cleaning” often.

She doesn’t remember doing it? How did she find out? Did she see herself on Facebook? Did someone call and tell her? There needs to be a TV show that reenacts such shenanigans.  (Sounds like she saw herself on TV.  Imagine going to get a haircut, then calling the lawyer, then going to the police.  Or maybe the lawyer prompted the haircut?)

How do you overcome “stagefright?” I like to pee alone, not in public.

I want a T-shirt with her picture in the middle of the Walmart star logo with the caption “I put the P in potato!”

We put the P in potato!

Grace Under (Bladder) Pressure

I hope she didn’t drive to or from the Walmart.

I have been drunk, but never blackout drunk.  I’m in awe.  I wonder if in 2019 she can turn this into becoming a social media celebrity?

I hope she gets whatever ind of help she needs, and I hope no one bought the pee-tatoes unknowingly.  Although, they may grow in poop… So, there is that.  I would definitely advise her to have a trusted friend or handler with her at all times while drinking.  I can’t imagine having to deal with the aftermath.

I remember posting a video on the now-defunct PittsburghBeat.com one time about this naked dude who while high on PCP after running from a stripper’s house ran across the divided highway on Banksville Road and ended up being tasered (again, while naked) by police and taken to the extremely cold ground in the snow.  Months or years later, the guy sent an email asking for it to be taken down so he could move on with life.  It mentioned but didn’t really threaten legal action.  After all, it was a news story I dunno how you  could “scrub” it.  But, I can see the whole thing not boding well if a prospective employer were to Google you before hiring.

She may be a queen on People of Walmart.

This reminded me of an R. Kelly meme, and a song:

Walmart✻ saving Potatoes from Grace Brown

The only other song I remember about pee is an AiXeLsyD one, and I can’t shamelessly self promote something that is probably less embarrassing that peeing on potatoes in Walmart, can they?

Here are potatoes from my garden this year, no one has peed on them:

In parting, I call for your comments.  Please share your favorite potato recipes (like this or this), your favorite drinking stories, or your favorite pee/Grace Brown/Walmart/Potatoes jokes.

Magic Shell, Magic Poop?

Posted on by Standard 2

I bought some Magic Shell a while ago, and I thought I’d have some fun with Smucker’s.  It really did have a bad aftertaste, but I decided to take the goofy up a notch.

I submitted the following to their webform:

Hello Friends,

I’d like to start out by saying I’m a big fan of your jellies. Of course I like grape, and we use the apricot preserves in a barbecue recipe. Mixed fruit jelly is my favorite by far. I’m always quite pleased when a restaurant has it in those little packets, and we usually buy 2 jars at a time for home. Why don’t they come in the big jars? That’s a question for another time though. I’m also a fan of your hot fudge topping. It’s the only brand we buy. You guys have it right.

This brings us around to why I am writing… This past weekend, I picked up some Chocolate Fudge Magic Shell at Walmart, because the shelf near the ice cream was void of your hot fudge topping & Hershey’s syrup. I remember having magic shell as a kid, but I’m unsure of the brand. I think I’ve even had the dipped cones at Dairy Queen too.

I didn’t get around to enjoying the Magic Shell until last night when I poured it over some Edy’s Slow Churned Cookie Dough ice cream. I’m not embarrassed to tell you that I was easily amazed at how the shell froze in a few seconds. I have to say it was also quite delicious and a good combination… except the after taste. It came on slowly, but it tasted like what I imagine licking cigarette ashes would taste like after you had just chewed an aspirin and left it on your tongue. It was odd, but I figured it may have perhaps been some artificial sweetener. I didn’t think much else of it.

Excuse me for being frank, but this morning, I had some constipation issues. My wife would attest that I am generally quite regular… or she may even say I heed nature’s call too often. The only thing that I ate out of normal yesterday would be your Magic Shell. I checked the ingredients to see of there was some sort of wax or anything that may be setting up camp in my colon, and I was surprised of the lack of anything sinister. Well, I’m not a fan of coconut, so the oil or even the alkali-processed cocoa may account for the aftertaste that didn’t agree with me. I’m not sure what whole milk solids are… and how they’re different from cheese. Have you guys ever had someone write in with the same problem? Do milk solids or soy lecithin cause blocked bowels? Have you done any research in this area?

I think I may stick with the regular hot fudge topping from now on. Even if there’s no issue with the Magic Shell, it has me kind of spooked.

Obstructed but Optimistic,
-Waldo Lunar

And, I got this boring reply:

From: consumer.relations@jmsmucker.com
Date: Thu, Mar 14, 2013 at 8:26 AM
Subject: Reference Number: 10026410
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

March 13, 2013

Mr. Waldo Lunar
1111 Street Rd.
Earth, PA 22222

Dear Mr. Lunar,

Thank you for contacting The J.M. Smucker Company regarding Smucker’s® Magic Shell® Chocolate Fudge Topping. We greatly appreciate and value the input we receive from our consumers.

In order for us to best assist you, we would like to obtain some additional product information. Please, contact us toll-free by calling 888-550-9555, Monday through Friday, 9:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. When you call, it would be helpful to have the product available and to provide the representative with the reference number located at the bottom of this message. This product information will assist us in thoroughly reviewing your inquiry.

BIUB (Best If Used By) date
Production code (Located near the Best If Used By date)
City where purchased
Storage information
Detailed description of the issue

Thank you again for contacting The J.M. Smucker Company. We look forward to speaking with you soon.

Sincerely,
Carla
Consumer Relations Representative

Ref # 10026410

So, I wrote back:

From: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
Date: Mon, Mar 18, 2013 at 8:22 PM
Subject: Re: Reference Number: 10026410
To: consumer.relations@jmsmucker.com

Thanks Carla,

I prefer email to the telephone, hence why I used the online form in the first place. I can, however, provide the information requested:

BIUB (Best If Used By) date: SEP 2014
Production code (Located near the Best If Used By date): 10 0459
City where purchased: Bridgeville, PA
Storage information: On the kitchen counter.
Detailed description of the issue: Well, since I wrote with the issue already, & just received this seemingly standard reply, I’ll again give you my original missive…

[original email]

If you need further details, I’m not sure I’m prepared to share. So, have others emailed or called to complain? I can only assume so if you’re looking at a lot number. Does Magic Shell induce constipation on a regular basis?

Puzzled,
-Waldo Lunar

This came in the mail this weekend:

March 20,2013 Dear Mr. Lunar, Thank you for contacting The J.M. Smucker Company with your inquiry regarding Smucker's® Magic Shell® Chocolate Fudge Topping. We greatly appreciate and value the input we receive from our consumers and take very seriously any comments pertaining to product quality. Since we greatly value your comments and your loyalty, your experience has been brought to the attention of our quality assurance department. We want to assure you that our products are made of the best quality ingredients available and by the most carefully controlled procedures known in the food industry. We appreciate the time required to share your comments with us and are enclosing coupons that we hope you will use to again try our products. If you have any additional questions or comments, please contact us by calling 888-550-9555, Monday through Friday, 9:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. Sincerely, Carla Consumer Relations Representative Ref# 10026410 Enclosure: 2 Smucker's® $4.00 Coupon(s) THE J.M. SMUCKER COMPANY· STRAWBERRY LANE, ORRVILLE, OHIO 44667-0280 TELEPHONE (330) 682-3000 • FAX (330) 684-3370 • www.smuckers.com

Letter from Smucker’s

Along with some coupons:

I found it quite amusing, but they never did address the constipation.  I won’t be buying any more magic shell with these coupons.  It really did have a horrible aftertaste.  Maybe I’ll buy some hot fudge, or more mixed fruit jelly.

On an unrelated note, I’ve never understood their slogan;  “With a name like Smucker’s, it’s got to be good.”  Are they implying that their name us stupid or sounds unappetizing?  Odd.  I’d be all like “If you don’t like Smucker’s, you’re a sucker.”  …or something.

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