Tag Archives: WordPress

Thank You! [2011 in Review]

Posted on by Standard 2

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Syndey Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 29,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 11 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Also, it told me this…

Who were they?

Your most commented on post in 2011 was Concert Stereotypes

These were your 5 most active commenters:

  1.   Dave | 26 comments
  2.   omawarisan | 20 comments
  3.   Sam | 17 comments
  4.   valleyofsteel | 11 comments
  5. Jennifer is Always Sick | 10 comments

So, thanks to all of you for being the top commenters this year!  Most of my blogs are meant to encourage discussion.  Hopefully here, though more likely on Facebook or Twitter.  (These numbers may be skewed, if you didn’t login to WordPress or use the same Gravatar email address, Facebook, or Twitter to comment consistently.)

I really feel that this is a great outlet for me.  It helps calm me down, & give me something positive on which to focus.  I really do appreciate all of the people out there taking the time to read, comment, and even subscribe.  Most of you are my friends in some capacity, and I’m glad that you continue to be interested in whatever I happen to be ranting about.

So, what do you want more (or less) of in 2012?

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Let’s talk ape movies, or I’ll throw poop at you.

Posted on by Standard 6

I finally watched Rise of the Planet of the Apes, and I realized that I really like movies involving apes. Especially if the apes “win”.  When I was a kid, I checked the Dian Fossey and Jane Goodall books out of the library quite regularly.  My favorite Zoobooks were the ones about chimps, gorillas, and orangutans.  I remember when WPTT 22 existed and they played movies like King Kong or one of the Planet of the Apes series regularly.

Netflix has weird genre splits & sub-genres.  Why don’t I see an “ape movie” category?  Someone over at Netflix, after you’re done burning all the Qwikster proposals, get on that.

Here are some of the ape movies I really like.  In the comments below, let me know some of your favorites.  (You don’t have to login, you can use your Facebook ID, Twitter handle, WordPress ID, or just leave a name & email address.)

  • King Kong | The best of ’em all.  This is a two way tie though, as I dig the 1933 & 2005 versions.  (There are lots of them, but these are the best.)  From Stop Motion to CGI, you get a great story no matter what the effects.
  • King Kong Lives | This movie was ridiculous.  When I was a kid, I totally accepted that after the events of the original Kong, they could have built him a giant pacemaker.  No problem.
  • Gorillas in the Mist | This was the Dian Fossey books come to life.  Incredible.  People really are bastards when it comes to some of our closest living relatives on this planet.
  • Project X | Top Gun meets Planet of the Apes.  Sort of.  It’s sort of funny, too.  Crazy movie, further proof that people are horrible horrible creatures.
  • Congo | The book was a little more thrilling, but the movie was still pretty cool.  Also, if Ernie Hudson is in your movie, it rocks.  Ancient ruins, intelligent apes, genetic memory… exciting stuff.

So, what are your favorites?

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

m/

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Boston Market ups the pressure… (a.k.a. What now, Panera Bread?)

Posted on by Standard 9

Insanity.

http://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/136910586947715072

That’s right.  Boston Market not only reached out via my contact form thanks to Facebook, but also had the cojones to do this…

Boston Market RT!

Boston Market RT!

I still haven’t received a reply to my email to Mr. Wakabayashi, but what now Panera Bread? What now?  Clearly, this will pan out to be a bigger rivalry than Neil Young vs. Skynrd, or East Coast Rap vs. West Coast Rap.  Maybe even bigger than me vs. the people that think I’m McDonald’s.  (At Least Mr. Wakabayashi used my contact form correctly!)

http://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/137169033266077696

http://twitter.com/#!/bostonmarket/status/137212008138424321

If you have no idea what’s going on, or if you work for Panera Bread.  You can catch up here…

In other news, did you know that they both cater?  I wish someone would have told me.

Panera Bread (Scott Twp. Greentree Road) on UrbanspoonI actually stopped at the local Panera the other night because the wife was sick and wanted some of that cheese-broccoli soup.  I went in to get some to go, and got myself a half of a turkey sandwich and a cup of the chicken noodle.

The employee (a young girl, of course) at the counter was quite friendly, asked if I wanted lettuce tomato or onion on the sandwich, and even asked if I wanted mustard and/or mayo.  Clearly, someone went over new procedures.  Sadly, I asked for lettuce & tomato… and got neither, but I did get mustard and mayo.  I applaud the effort, and shame on me for not checking before I left the store.

I have to say, after my initial complaint, they have totally stepped it up service-wise.  I still call shenanigans on the new soup.  They ought to let sales do the talking… OFFER BOTH.  It’s certainly a popular item.  Let the consumers decide if they want a great-tasting soup… or the crappy flat-noodled healthy soup.  Clearly, as a leader in the Fast Casual industry, you can afford to test the proverbial waters?  I think more changes have been made, but it’s still not the old soup.  Shenanigans.

Also, I counted 3 signs within  a span of about 8 feet on the counter where you wait for your order advertising the catering… and the pop machine still does it too.  I think the receipt may have even said something about it.

I spend far too much time contemplating fast food & fast casual dining.  If only I could save time buy purchasing already prepared meals.  Does anyone out there do that?

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New Catering Advertisement Opportunities! (for Boston Market & Panera Bread)

Posted on by Standard 4

I’m just sayin’.

Panera Bread - vs. - Boston Market

Panera Bread - vs. - Boston Market

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Nov 4, 2011
Subject: New Catering Advertisement Opportunities!
To: & Cc:  A bunch of Panera & Boston Market Employees

Hello friends at Boston Market & Panera Bread,

I assume that the lack of response to my last email about an all-out catering battle at my house was ill-received.  I didn’t get any interest from either camp, or even any kind of acknowledgement of my email.  Not even a coupon.  Isn’t that the typical response?  “Throw ’em a coupon!”  Color me disappointed.

No reply is rather rude, don’t you think?  Batman movie night has come & gone.  We dutifully provided a favorable dining experience to our guests thanks to an incredible local pizza shop.  Roasted red peppers as a pizza topping?  A hit all around, I tell you!  Subs with a homemade feel cut in to bite-size appetizers were also quite delicious.

I’m not sure why neither Panera Bread or Boston Market was willing to enter my catering battle royale.  It would have been an exciting opportunity for both of you.  I realize now… that you need help with forward thinking.  You missed this opportunity to advertise your catering and fight for my dollar.

I believe that I may have come around to your way of thinking.  Perhaps I need to fight for your dollar.  I previously saw advertisements on the pop machine and all over the windows as borderline obscene… but why stop at the border, friends?  Let’s trample the border, deface it on our way through, and not look back!  I have some ideas that you may find attractive.  I really look forward to your feedback.  (Don’t give me any shenanigans about unsolicited ideas and what-not, we’re all friends here.)

  • Advertising on the napkins.  You already do it on the receipts, walls, & windows.  Subway uses their napkins for nutrition information.  Show them up, advertise!  Think of all that clean wasted ad space ripe for the slinging of your delicious wares.  Were one ambitious, this could extend to the “to go” sandwich wrappings, the fancy new plates that you’re both using, and even the trays.  Hell, why not the drink cups?
  • Guerrilla advertising. You could have employees go into your parking lot at regular intervals, and put flyers under the windshield wipers of cars.  If you really wanna get crazy, try bumper stickers!  People would love decorations on their autos.
  • Me.  Send me a T-shirt that advertises your catering services.  I play in a band.  I’ll wear it to shows.  The throngs of bar patrons who rock out with me on a regular basis will be sure to flock to the nearest Panera Bread or Boston Market location.  I might be able to convince my band-mates to do the same.  If we’d like to get really crazy, may I offer to sell my forehead as a billboard?
  • Paystubs.  Your employees get paid right?  Get that money back!  Advertise your catering services on their pay-stubs, and any communications that you need to send.  There’s room on that W2 envelope for a 10% off catering coupon.
  • Right on the food itself.  This is the one that excites me the most!  You’ve seen the toasters that produce an image of Darth Vader, and the irons that brand your initials on to a steak, right?  There are also printers that print right on things like rice paper & cakes.  Why not take advantage of this technology?  Think about it.  Full color printing on wraps?  Toasty images on buns, bread, & bagels?  Delicious meat branded with confidence, demanding that you pick up a catering menu.  It’s never been done.  It’s opulent.  It’s genius.  (If I do say so myself.)

So, what do you think?  Can I help in this new advertising adventure?  These are the next steps in the evolution of promulgation.  Let’s move onward and upward, into uncharted catering promotional territory.  It will be an onslaught to the senses, and an influx in revenue for all involved.  I’m excited for this venture, and especially excited to get some feedback from everyone involved.

Excelsoir!
-Waldo Lunar
[ -YOUR AD COULD BE HERE- ]

incessant emails / incessant advertising

incessant emails / incessant advertising

Further Reading:

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McConsistency is Key.

Posted on by Standard 5

Recently for lunch, I had a reconstituted-onion & cheese sandwich from McDonald’s with a little bit of beef on it.  It was extra special because it was pressed.  It was not like a panini press with grill lines, but more like someone sat on it.  There were also pickles stacked on top of each other, sticking out of the side.  Very artful & creative!

This wasn’t even from the West Liberty location.

I recently had a friend send one of his friends’ McTale-of-woe to me, because I have apparently become some sort of authority on all things wrong with McDonald’s customer service.

The reason I told of my recent adventure in lunch, is that it fits with the tale as told by someone who wishes to remain nameless, blameless, & shameless:

From: Pattyless Sandwich
Date: Wed, Sep 28, 2011 at 9:29 AM
Subject: The Day McDonald’s Shit All Over My Good Time
To: The Hamburglar

On Sept. 27, 2011 I went through the drive thru at McDonald’s on Mt. Lebanon Blvd. in Castle Shannon, PA. I ordered a number 4 (two cheeseburgers), and I asked for no onion. When I got back to my friends house and we started eating I noticed that the sandwich looked really thin but I just figured it was smashed down a little more THAN NECESSARY so I bit in anyway. As I was chewing, I realized something wasn’t right about what was being smashed around in my mouth. I set my sandwich down and removed the top part of the bun to see the following: slice of cheese on the bottom half of the bun, pickles, ketchup, and mustard. Yes, that is correct, there was no meat on the sandwich. Luckily I had another sandwich, that in fact had the patty, to eat, but they put onions on it. The only thing I asked them to void. Now I understand work is work and if you have a job to live then that is fantastic, but to be the person to put the burgers together at McDonald’s, I feel like you go through a training day to be shown how to assemble them. Bottom bun, slice of cheese (I’m guessing it is on the bottom so the burger melts it, let’s not get crazy this shit isn’t cooked together), HAMBURGER PATTY, and then your condiments. Who put mine together and thought “hm….this looks right. Nothing is missing, I am a brilliant fucking burger maker extraordinaire.”? It’s not a hamburger from a hamburger joint if there is no meat. To quote a smart fast food chain (rhymes with Shmendy’s), “Where’s the beef!?”

Sincerely,
Pattyless Sandwich

And, there’s even a Facebook photo:

Veggie Burger?

Veggie Burger?

Ridiculous.  At least this didn’t come through my contact form from someone thinking I was McDonald’s.

Friends, I seriously wish I could write to the McGiant on your behalf, but all of my insane yet legitimate complaints have fallen on deaf ears, blind eyes, or typical McCustomer-Service employees.

Check out my track record.  While I feel for you, maybe try their McPennsylvania site?  I can do nothing at this point but perhaps share in your misery, my freinds!

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You love me, you really love me!

Posted on by Standard 4

Pittsburgh’s Most Valuable Blogger Awards 2011

Pittsburgh’s Most Valuable Blogger Awards 2011

So, this thing happened…

CBS Pittsburgh’s Most Valuable Blogger Awards 2011

There was blogging, there was voting.  There was certainly some goofiness.  I still haven’t been contacted by anyone at CBS.  I know other bloggers have.  Just so they know, the contact form on my blog works quite well.  There was something about prizes, but the rules detailing how one could claim a prize are gone.  I really thought I had no chance of winning, as there are so many cool blogs out there.  I’m not sure what kind of bragging rights this gives me.  Do I get a T-shirt or stickers or something?  “Hey, I’m annoying and goofy on the internet!”

It’s good to know that I’m the people’s choice, and not the editor’s choice.  I blog for the people, not for the editors.  I bet I won begrudgingly.  Ha ha.  They were probably all like “Oh crap, not that one!”.  I have to say thank you to whoever nominated me, and thank you for all my friends & family (& readers – who most likely fall into one of the aforementioned groups) who voted!

Here are the results…

Dining and Entertainment

Local Affairs

Sports

Health, Fitness and Medical

Lifestyle and Family

Everything Else

I call shenanigans on Only In Pittsburgh & Beyond Willpower not winning at least one “choice” in their respective categories.  It’s also odd that some of the people’s choice & editor’s choice were the same thing…  Why not spread the love?  I will go all mushy on you now, & say that everyone wins here, because we all got some exposure & hopefully traffic to our blogs that we might not have had before.  I’ve even added a few of these to my WordPress reader/feed.  Go check out all the blogs and their descriptions, and see if there’s something that piques your interest!

Some of the ones I dig:

Hopefully we all say “yinz” without noticing and with pride.  Thanks CBS & Pittsburgh!  And, of course, thanks to these guys & gals for letting me know what’s up!

Thanks Peeps!

Thanks Peeps!

CBSPittsburgh.com’s Most Valuable Blogger Awards 2011

CBSPittsburgh.com’s Most Valuable Blogger Awards 2011

Possibly related but perhaps irrelevant articles:

s,pןɐuopɔɯ ʇou ɯɐ ı

Posted on by Standard 16

I wrote one last email to Harmony & her husband to try & clear things up.  I haven’t had a response yet, but I’m really doubting I’ll get one.  What do you think?

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Sep 9, 2011
Subject: Re: AiXeLsyD13 / W(aL)D – I’m not McDonald’s
To: “krebs955@gmail.com” <krebs955@gmail.com>
Cc: shovelman11@yahoo.com, pastorskid_tiwtc4u@yahoo.com, pit.05834@us.stores.mcd.com, Ella.Jones@us.mcd.com, info@westliberty.mcdtoday.com, sandra.jaeger@gmail.com, rick.sapko@us.mcd.com

Hello Harmony & Harmony’s Husband,

I’m going to try this one more time…  I am ERiC AiXeLsyD.  I write a goofy blog.  You didn’t email me.  My email address is world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com (please see the “From” field of this email for reference).  It doesn’t say “world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com” on the top (or bottom) of a McDonald’s receipt.  You almost had me on this.  I actually had to go to this McDonald’s to check, because I really did believe that “The reason [you] posted on [my] blog is because it was on the bottom of our receipt” as stated in your last email.

Obtaining the receipt was actually quite a harrowing experience, but I survived.  Thank you for your concern.  Please, see the scanned images at the links below (also attached) if you don’t believe me:

As you can see, it also does not say https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com at the top (or bottom) of the receipt, which is my blog’s URL.  It also does not list my email address as noted above.

It does list Rick Sapko as a manager (not me), and give the email address ella.jones@us.mcd.com (also not me).  I’m just trying to let you know that if you were trying to contact ella.jones@us.mcd.com, you have unfortunately been unsuccessful in doing so.

You contacted me by using the form located at https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/contact/ (also a url, not an email address).  I know this because WordPress is quite an ingenious blogging platform, and emails that come to me through that web form have the subject line “W(aL)D Feedback”.  You may also remember filling out fields that you don’t normally have in an email client, like “Message / Comment” and “How’d you find my blog?”

What I believe has happened is that you searched Google or Bing for “ella.jones@us.mcd.com” instead of entering it into an email client.  This landed you at my blog.  I’ve tried it with both.  A search for her email address does indeed point you to my blog.  From there, you somehow found your way to the contact page… and we know the rest.  I’m just trying to help.

I see you have a Gmail address.  Being that it’s an email address you were trying to use and the weird set of circumstances, I’m assuming you found my blog with your Android phone.  Put the phone down.  I’d suggest finding a computer, and going to http://mail.google.com, logging in, clicking the “Compose Mail” button, and pasting “ella.jones@us.mcd.com” into the “To:” field.  Then, you may type away in the big blank box, and click “Send” when you’re done.

That is how you email Ms. Jones (and not me) regarding the insanity that abounds at the West Liberty Avenue McDonald’s.  I have to warn you though, she doesn’t really reply to emails.  At least not my emails, anyway.  I hope this helps.  I’m just trying to facilitate the expression of dissatisfaction with this Bermuda Triangle of fast food service.

I do, however, encourage your comments on my blog… as long as they’re directed to me, and not at McDonald’s.  I don’t mind the ones aimed at McDonald’s, but they fall on deaf ears.  I don’t think anyone at McDonald’s reads or cares about my blog.  If you would like to complain about McDonald’s to other people that aren’t McDonald’s, check out McSucks.com and McDonaldsSucks.com some time.  I would also encourage a review on UrbanSpoon.

Harmony’s Husband… I speak this as a consumer.  Please, please, please…  take pride in your work, and convince others around you to do the same.  Encourage burgers built with pickles in the middle, an amount of reconstituted onions that does not resemble a White Castle burger, and ketchup only on the inside of the bun… not the outside.  Encourage the politeness of the people working the cash register.  Encourage those taking orders to not do things like this…

McEmpoyee:  May I take your order?  (In some areas closer to downtown, this greeting is reduced to a wordless look, implying “What?”)
Me:  Hi.  I’d like two Crispy BBQ snack wraps, a lar…
McEmployee:  [Interrupting] Crispy or Grilled?
Me:  Um…  Crispy.
McEmployee:  Do you want Ranch or Honey Mustard?
Me:  Uh..  BBQ?
McEmployee:  OK.  Your total is…
Me:  [My turn to interrupt…]  Can I also get a large fry and a Sweet Tea?
McEmployee:  [Usually rolls eyes and.or sighs about here…]  What size fries?
Me:  Large please.
McEmployee:  You want a drink?
Me:  Yes.  Large Sweet Tea?  (If I say a size, I’m usually told there is only one size.  If I don’t say a size, I’ll be asked what size.)
McEmployee:  For here or to go?
Me:  To go, please.
Mc Employee:  [Sets tray on counter.]  Slide your card.  (Maybe the total is read here.)
[Food comes, & McEmployee, McFry-Technician, or McManager sets it on tray.]
Me:  Sorry, can I get that to go?
McEmployee:  [Looks at receipt.  It’s a 50/50 on whether it notes dine in or to go.  Puts food in bag.]  Here.
Me:  Thanks!

This has happened to me on more than one occasion at more than one location.  I hope you work at a competent location, like the one in Canonsburg.

Good luck getting through to Ms. Jones.  I haven’t been very successful in that matter.  I have four email addresses associated with the west liberty McDonald’s location.  You may want to try each of them…

Good luck on your quest, I hope this has finally expressed my point in an understandable manner.  A quick recap: My email address & blog URL are indeed not on a McDonald’s receipt.  You didn’t email me, you used the contact form on my blog.  I am not McDonald’s.  You didn’t email the address listed at the top of a McDonald’s receipt.  You used the contact form on my blog.

Do you want the combo, or just the sandwich?
-ERiC AiXeLsyD
World (and Lunar) Domination

McReceipt 09/07/2011

I don't see my email address or blog url on here anywhere. Do you?

Trust me, I am not McDonald's.

Trust me, I am not McDonald's.

s,pןɐuopɔɯ ʇou ɯɐ ı | Just in case you’re lost…  This is the latest in this round of chaos that involved people contacting me, apparently thinking that I’m McDonald’s.  I think they’ll all pop up in the “related articles” section below.

I’m guessing the four McEmail addresses listed above have a block on my world.and.lunar.domination email address., and I’m guessing Harmony, her husband, Shirley, and Amber are done with this.  I am too, until the next person emails me thinking that I am indeed McDonald’s.

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Celebrity Endorsement?

Posted on by Standard 12

Sally Wiggin ❹

Sally Wiggin ❹

None can argue with the awesomeness of local celebrity, WATE-TV‘s own Sally Wiggin.  If you do argue, I’ll fight you.  Sally is awesome, in fact… she’s so awesome, that her hair has it’s own Twitter account.  You can find Sally on Wikipedia, Twitter, & Facebook (a few times).  (There’s even a page called “Sally Wiggin Out” on Facebook.)  She’s a phenomenon.

Since Andrew Stockey is on Facebook all the time (he’s on Twitter too) , I was feeling goofy & decided to try & goad him into making a donation to the Pittsburgh Food Allergy Walk by invoking the name Sally Wiggin, as she’s the “Local Honorary Media Chair”…

Not gonna let Sally Wiggin get all attention for the Food Allergy Walk, are you? Care to make a donation...?

Not gonna let Sally Wiggin get all attention...

Somehow, Sally must have interpreted this as me asking her personally for a donation, as this appeared on my wall a few days later…

I did as you asked. Can't wait to meet you and Bethany at the walk.

I did as you asked. Can't wait to meet you and Bethany at the walk.

And she did!  You can see that Sarah Wiggin has generally made a contribution to my food allergy walk donation page: http://wwwofoodallergywalk.org/aixelsyd13

(This also humorously qualifies her for a limited run “king krab orange” T-shirt from Ernie of Ernie and the Berts – planning on giving her one at the walk, wonder if she’ll wear it?)

I’m not far from getting my name in the “top fundraisers” list on the Pittsburgh walk page.  Those people are still getting donations too… so keep ’em coming!

This post is to celebrate the generosity of Sally Wiggin, and to try and get other local celebrities and organizations to step up & donate… for a chance to be awesome like Sally.  (I have also received some initial contact from Chick-fil-A, Qdoba, & Giant Eagle… though no donations as of yet.)

You can also donate to my wife, Bethany… she’s not quite as “aggressive” as I am in collecting donations.  You can listen to this while you dig out your credit card…

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So, do you guys cater?

Posted on by Standard 8

I recently had some correspondence with Panera Bread (The Great Panera Bread Swindle & Panera responds to my insanity, so I write back…), and I still have no reply to my last email.  I assume they think I’m an idiot and will not continue any further correspondence.  The experience reminded me of being bombarded with catering advertisements when I’m already at a restaurant.  I called out a few other places, but Boston Market does the same thing with the catering barrage.  I have a long history with them & letters, pre-dating my WordPress blogging days even.

At any rate, it struck me that they both seem to be fighting (or at least nagging) for catering business.  If we’re already in the store, and signed up for your mailing lists… we probably know that you will cater if needed.  How about focusing the catering advertising on local businesses around each location?

Or, I have a more interesting solution…

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Aug 10, 2011
Subject: So, do you guys cater?
To: RCordova1@bost.com, isabella.contactus@panerabread.com

Ciao Colossal Catering Czars!

I can’t help but feel overwhelmed lately when I visit any of your fine establishments.  I just go there to get a meal, but you have mercilessly force-fed your catering services to me and throngs of other customers in the form of signage on the wall, window-clings, pamphlets, menus, table signage, place-mats, tweets, & emails.  I get it.  I feel like I’m in a giant commercial every time I walk into one of your previously welcoming establishments.  (Bob Evans is highly annoying with the take-out mantra too, but they’re not quite as relentless in their efforts.)  I applaud your tenacity, Panera Bread and Boston Market.  Despite your valiant and exasperating efforts, I have not yet used either of you to fill my catering needs.  In fact, I don’t have any catering needs.  I’m able to make a sandwich spread, some soup, a salad, & even prepare a holiday meal… all for less money than what you can offer, and it has the added bonus of being homemade.

Your incessant plugging of your catering service smacks of so much desperation, that it struck me with an idea.  You’re both figuratively fighting for my dollar, why not an actual fight for my dollar?  I’m not suggesting fisticuffs, although your frequency of mentioning catering services suggest that you may indeed jump right in.  I’m suggesting you each prepare a meal for a party, and I will only pay the not-quite-fast-food chain that makes the best meal.  Fight for my dollar!  Sorry, I can’t really contain my excitement at the prospect of such a tournament.  I bet we could get a reality TV show in on this.  If not, I could certainly get someone with a digital camera, and we could post the contest & the results on YouTube.  I’m sure it would go viral.  Can you imagine the bragging rights?

The judges would be those in attendance to my party.  You can certainly do your own background checks and interviews to ensure no partiality or preconceived bias.  I can even leave myself out of the proceedings, as I find you both equally annoying with the catering propaganda.  I could write up a review/summary at the end of the experience.  The only thing you would have to lose is the cost of catering a small party… but the potential to gain respect and more advertising for your catering services.  I’m enabling you, my friends.  I can feel the hunger dwelling deep within you.

I can assure you of my impartiality, as I have hosted several Chili Cook-off events at my home, and have photos to prove it.  I can provide you with copies of our ballots to show our proficiency in scoring food vs. food on several points.  We would of course have to devise a system to compare the proverbial Boston Market apples to Panera Bread oranges, but you can trust my ingenuity on the matter, and can employ a crack team of analysts.

This would be epic, my friends.  Imagine being  a pioneer in this type of event!  What would be next?  Qdoba vs. the Honey Baked Ham Co.?  The KFC bucket vs. your local grocery store’s prepared foods?  If you don’t like my idea, I may sign you up for my mailing list under the guise of getting coupons for my awesome letter-writing and ingenious idea services… only to solicit and re-solicit this very idea ad nasueam.  Using your own logic, you will have no choice but to comply!

Or, you could just have your CEO’s arrange a fist-fight in some parking lot, and I’ll literally give the winner a dollar.

Thank you for your time, I really hope that you give my idea serious consideration.  I will be ready when you say yes to the event.  We can work out the event and the details quite easily.  I actually have a “Batman movie night” coming up, and it would be great to cater that.  (Although, my wife may be making some Batman logo cookies… but we’ll make sure no one can vote for her catering services, she would most likely win hands-down with Batman cookies at a Batman movie party.)

May the best chain win!
-ERiC AiXeLsyD
Vaunted food contest professional.

Panera wrote back first…

Date: Wed, Aug 10, 2011
Subject: RE: Contact Us [Something not on this list] — MESSAGEID(288118)
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

Dear Waldo,

Thank you for taking the time to contact Panera Bread. We are sorry to hear about your disappointment with our catering advertising. The current promotion is simply one way to let our catering customers know that the option is available. We always strive to provide a wonderful meal, great service and a welcoming environment for our all our customers and hope that you will continue to enjoy Panera Bread. I will let our Marketing decision makers know how you feel, so that your opinion will be considered.

Thanks again for contacting us. We appreciate your business and value your comments.

Sincerely,
Isabella
Customer Comment Coordinator

Oh yeah, Waldo?  With Google+ getting all crazy & stuff, I didn’t want to merge my “regular” Gmail address with the fake one, so I change the W(aL)D email name to Waldo Lunar.  So, my email comes as Waldo Lunar, but I still signed it “Eric AiXeLsyD”.

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, Aug 11, 2011
Subject: Re: Contact Us [Something not on this list] — MESSAGEID(288118)
To: Isabella <isabella.contactus@panerabread.com>

Thanks Isabella,

I’m glad that you understand my frustration at being pummeled with advertising, and that you’re willing to pass the sentiment along to the appropriate parties.  I applaud you for your efforts, and the swiftness with which you replied!  I’m on the fence with Panera bread due to this whole “holding the dressing” thing, and the “healthy” chicken noodle soup debacle.  I mean, those homemade-looking noodles were awesome.  The little square things lying sparsely in the greasy broth are sad little stabs into my heart.  Perhaps I must move on to the broccoli soup.

Has anyone else written to you in regards to the barrage of advertising?  More importantly — Is Panera interested in the catering “battle royale” that I proposed?  If we can get Boston Market on board, I think this will be a stellar time.  You were much more expeditious with your reply.  I trust that you believe in your brand/product enough to put it to the test?  I can try to get some TV people on board once I get confirmation from the principal parties.  I’m sure you can see from my first email that I’ve already put much thought into the logistics.  The prospect of it all has me quite excited.

Thank you once again for your time and diligent response.  Have a great day, and I hope to hear from you again soon!

Hungry,
-ERiC AiXeLsyD
Vaunted food contest professional.

I sort of got a response from Boston Market…

From: <sbrooks1@bost.com>
Date: Thu, Aug 11, 2011
Subject: Boston Market suggestion response
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

Good Afternoon

Thank you for submitting your suggestion to our catering department. We certainly appreciate the time you took to write and do value all customer feedback. Upon receipt of this information, I will create a report and forward your comments to the Market Leader for your region and our Marketing Department for consideration.

Again thank you for your feedback

Syrenia Brooks
Guest Contact Center Specialist

Huh?  I smell a standard “please don’t bother us” email here.  I still think my idea has merit, and I want a catering throw-down.  Think I can push it any further?  I’ll certainly try.

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