The Car Sales Handbook


USED CAR SALESMAN KITTY

Looks like a good deal...

From recent experiences, I believe that I’ve come up with the set of rules by which all car sales people are directed to operate.

It may seem simple, but I believe it’s a highly complicated dance designed to wear you down mentally.  I’m sure this isn’t their handbook word for ludicrous word, but I’m also sure that it’s pretty close.  If you can get your hands on a copy, let me know.  I’d like to see it.

  1. When someone emails you, uses your website, or uses a 3rd party website like Yahoo! Autos, don’t reply.  Call them.
  2. Call repeatedly thereafter.
  3. Send out form-letterish very spam-like emails.  Repeatedly.  Don’t reply to any replies.  Call.
  4. Call again.  Leave a message every other time.
  5. If you must send an email reply, include your office number, extension, and cell phone number… and ask the potential customer to call you.  Perhaps express that you’ve been trying to call.
  6. Don’t answer any questions about price or inventory via email or over the phone.  Get the customer to the dealer.
  7. If they ask about used cars, show them new cars.  If they ask about new cars, show them used cars.
  8. When the customer discusses comfortable monthly payments, always shoot $50-$75 higher than that number.
  9. After they express disinterest, call them again.
  10. Send emails with customer satisfaction survey links that lead to broken pages.
  11. Call again.  Leave a message.  Be sure to say “buddy” or “friend”.
  12. Call, once more.  Don’t leave a message.
  13. Call again, ask why potential customer didn’t like car/deal.
  14. Send a plethora of from emails from the dealer, manager, and sales person asking customer to call the dealer to discuss auto purchase options.
  15. Call & leave a message stating that you reached out via email, ask them to call you back.
  16. Wait 2 months, call again.  Leave message asking for a call back.
  17. Have you tried calling the customer?
Antique telephones

Tele-what?

I’m starting to wonder if perhaps payment is no longer based on commission, but on time spent on the phone.  Holy cow.  The barrage is instant and never-ending if you use a site that spits out emails to several dealers at once.  It creates absolute telephone chaos.  It’s 2011.  Can we conduct business/ask questions via email… especially if I take the time to note “via email” as my contact preference?

If you know me, you know I’m not a big fan of telephone conversations.  I like email.  Texting is OK.  I’ve had friends who have been my friends for many years, and our total phone-talk time probably amounts to a few hours.  Even if you don’t know me… it would be safe to assume that if I was using the internet to research/reach out to you, I might be more comfortable with an email.  (Otherwise, I would have called you… or just stopped by.)

Do you feel that I’ve missed any auto sales rules?  Please, add to the list in the comments section!


YOU DO NOT WANT TO MISS THIS SHOW ON FRIDAY!

Here’s your new lineup along with a sweet new flyer:

Ernie and the Berts's avatarErnie and the Berts

Well, unfortunately Disgust in Disguise had to drop out, so here’s your new lineup along with a sweet new flyer from Sarah who’s organizing the show:

All the other show details are here:

When your body is your enemy, how would you choose to fight?

Join us as we take a stand against a friend’s cancer.
Help us fight his silent war.
March with us, beside him, as we tell his cancer to F@#! off!
He’s ours. We’re not done with him, yet!

The Bands:

  • 12:00 AM | Voices and Vessels | FB / RN / My_ / @t | (Metal / Post-Hardcore)
  • 11:00 PM | Lyndsey Smith | FB / RN / My_ / @t | (R&B/Soul / Funk / Pop)
  • 10:00 PM | Ernie and the Berts | FB / RN / My_ / @t | (Rock / Pop / Punk)
  • 09:00 PM | Midnight Rose | FB

View original post 112 more words

Bar Gigs – Are you experienced?


Guitar Squid | Timeline of a Bar Gig
Guitar Squid | Timeline of a Bar Gig

So, I found another amusing Guitar Squid article; Timeline of a Bar Gig. It made me laugh.

Lately, I’m digging all the stuff that I find at Guitar Squid, Guitar Fail, & The Guitarz Blog.

While amusing, their bar gig timeline runs completely different from one that I’d put together.  I’d like to make my own, maybe a little less jaded.  There’s several subsets of bar-gigs, and it depends wholly on the bar, the type of band, and the crowd.

Before I do that, I’d like to see yours.

It doesn’t matter if you’re in a band, just a person who goes to shows… or even the bar, promoter, or the sound guy.  I’d like to see the timeline from all parties involved.  If your drummer can read, is he tired of the drummer-bashing?

Amish on Amish crime.


✂ Hilarious subject matter.  Spot-on commentary.  I encourage you to read this post from That’s Church

I continue to be going to hell

Amish Mug Shots - The Mullet Gang

Amish Mug Shots - The Mullet Gang

Guitar World: The Top 10 Reasons to Quit Playing Guitar


Guitar

This made me laugh.  I wanted to share with other guitar players and music fans:

Guitar World: The Top 10 Reasons to Quit Playing Guitar

Sigh.  Ha ha.

Happily, long ago I realized that I have absolutely no guitar chops.  I decided to just try to write solid songs & be entertaining.  Punk rock is my friend.

Jerry Only needs an intervention.


Jerry Only

Image via Wikipedia

I wanted to love the new Misfits album.  Really, I did.  I of course, love the original incarnation of the band.  I really dug the 90’s Misfits too, even if it was without question an entirely different band with a different sound & different direction.  I mean, I like Samhain, Danzig, The Undead, Graves, Gotham Road, and most of the slew of other related bands, so why not the new Misfits?

I think Jerry Only has surrounded himself with people too afraid or too dumb to tell him no or keep him in check.  ([cough]John Cafiero?[cough])  Danzig arguably has the same problem.  As an artist you need a healthy amount of “I’m going to do something crazy” room in your creative process.  Sometimes, that’s the only way to achieve the next level of awesome.  It gave us the Danzig album out of Samhain, and it gave us the Shocking Return of the Misfits (a.k.a. The Misfits™ or M95).  It gave us my favorite Danzig song, “You and Me (Less Than Zero)”.  It also gave us Kryst the Conqueror.

American Psycho and Famous Monsters are solid albums, with a slight metal tinge to the old horror punk vibe and a lot more camp.  I was hoping that Devil’s Rain would be somewhat close to that.  It’s like the cutting-room floor material for those albums.  I would be embarrassed to have my name on this album were I involved in recording or production.  The songs don’t flow well.

There is stuff here with some potential, but it lacks a certain tweaking.  I have said the same stuff about Michale Graves‘ solo work.  I think he’s a great singer & songwriter, he’s just better tempered with a band.  With the 90’s Misfits, they all brought songs to the table.  Chud, Michale, Jerry, & Doyle all wrote songs or parts.  Right now, I feel like it’s the Jerry Only show, with a few scraps for Dez… and a leash for Goat, I mean… Eric “Chupacabra” Arce.  (Was Robo just sent a plane ticket home, or what?)

Jerry in a Jerry T-Shirt

Jerry in a Jerry T-Shirt

Jerry went wrong some time around when he started to wear the T-shirt of himself.  Was this before or after the band was falling apart?  It’s all such a blur.

I remember talking to him backstage on more than a few occasions.  He’s unarguably a great entertainer, an excellent showman, and a very cool guy to stick around to talk to fans, give interviews, and sign anything you’ll put in front of him.  (Although, I did one see him  refuse to sign a teenage girl’s boob… and it was hilarious – Kudos to him for not being a creeper.)  Where it goes from there is open to debate.

That being said, lackluster vocals can kill an album.  (See the Gorgeous Frankenstein album, then dig up the demo of the song “Gorgeous Frankenstein”. with Michale Graves on vocals.)  The aforementioned poor vocals do a spectacular job killing Devil’s Rain.  I can’t put my finger on it.  Jerry’s vocals aren’t bad live, but with this recording it’s evident that his range & the vocal power just aren’t where they need to be.  Dez would be great on a dirty punk record, but here it sounds like an old guy telling kids to get off his lawn.  The vocals have always been strong with the Misfits, be it Glenn or Michale.  On Devil’s Rain they fall flat (literally and figuratively).

The guitar tone is “eh”.  It lacks the metal punch that Doyle had going after Kryst the Conqueror, and it’s not quite the old dirty punk vibe.  I’m not big on the fills and solos.  I mean, we all know Franché Coma & Bobby Steele could do that, but they didn’t.  It wasn’t the Misfits’ thing with a few notable exceptions.  (I still think 12 Hits Form Hell is a damn-near perfect album & the Undead’s version is cool too.)

If the past Misfits stuff is campy, this album is just downright corny lyric-wise.  I mean, I like some goofy stuff (like Peelander-Z!), but this is the wrong kind of goofy entirely.

Father almighty turn the darkness to day
Father providing turning desert to grain
God’s son the Pharaoh speaks to Ra calling his name
Oh Ra, devour those who dare open my grave
Place a curse in his hand

Really?

I can listen to “Land of the Dead” which still needs something, but it’s undoubtedly the best of the bunch.

This is just one man’s opinion.  I’d be interested in yours.

Misfits | Devil's Rain

Misfits | Devil's Rain

\m/ The Shat \m/


He’s the Shat.  Thanks to Metal Hammer, I found this:

Soundcloud | William Shanter – Seeking Major Tom

WILLIAM SHATNER Seeking Major Tom

WILLIAM SHATNER Seeking Major Tom

The cool thing about being William Shatner, is that you can do whatever the hell you want at this point in life.  There’s a pretty good chance people will buy it… and if not, who cares?

You’re William freaking Shatner.

I’m sure some sort of Star Trek checks, book and album checks, & Priceline paychecks are still pouring in regularly.  This involves Zakk Wylde on guitar?  So crazy.  I wonder is anyone called Tony Iommi to ask if he wanted to do it?

Bohemian RhapsodyIron Man?  Not sure what they have to do with space, but they’re the ones I’m most interested in.  Well, that and a Hawkwind cover…  Hawkwind?  Crazy.

It’s not only an album… it’s a 2 CD or 3 LP set.  It could all be just to advertise his new book.  This is hilarious & awesome:

Netflix: “Oops”.


A Netflix envelope picture taken by BlueMint.

Image via Wikipedia

Searched for this after some buzz on Twitter:

“We underestimated the appeal of the single web site and a single service,” Steve Swasey, a Netflix spokesman, said in a telephone interview. He quickly added: “We greatly underestimated it.”

You think?  Apparently a lot of people thought the same things that I did about the whole plan.  The whole article is interesting, and can be found here: Netflix Abandons Plan to Rent DVDs on Qwikster

Maybe now they can work on deals to stream more new movies… and a better back-catalog of older movies.  (Like the entire Star Trek movie series?)

I still love that Oatmeal cartoon.  I hope they do another one.

Cancer Benefit Show


Cancer

Image by GDS Infographics via Flickr

Borrowed this from the Ernie and the Berts blog…

⚕☣☤☣⚕ Attention Kids Under 21 and People Who Hate Cancer:

We have a show coming up that you ought to make an extra effort to attend.  We don’t do many all ages gigs, so this may be your only chance for a while.

This formerly had a slightly more impolite name, but it has been toned down a little bit:  P!$$ ON CANCER: A Musical Collaboration to fight for a friend’s life!

A friend of Bert’s has set up the show, and it looks to be (the good kind of) chaos.  Disgust in Disguise are a bunch of cool cats and it looks like there’s a really diverse set of musical genres happening, as well as a silent auction and some food & drink specials.

We’re asking you to come out, support a good cause, listen to some music, eat, drink, & be merry.  Please don’t literally pee on anything or anyone.  (This means you, Brad.)

Here are the details in case you missed ‘em!

When your body is your enemy, how would you choose to fight?

Join us as we take a stand against a friend’s cancer.
Help us fight his silent war.
March with us, beside him, as we tell his cancer to F@#! off!
He’s ours. We’re not done with him, yet!

The Bands:

  • 12:00 AM | Voices and Vessels | FB / RN / My_ / @t | (Metal / Post-Hardcore)
  • 11:00 PM | Disgust in Disguise | FB / RN / My_ / @t | (Metal / Hardcore / Punkrock)
  • 10:00 PM | Ernie and the Berts | FB / RN / My_ / @t | (Rock / Pop / Punk)
  • 09:00 PM | Lyndsey Smith | FB / RN / My_ / @t | (R&B/Soul / Funk / Pop)
  • 08:00 PM | Midnight Rose | FB / RN / My_/ @t | (???)
  • 07:00 PM | The Ele[mental] | FB / RN / My_ / @t | (Rock / Alternative / Indie Rock)
  • 06:00 PM | The Long Knives | FB / RN / My_ / @t | (Indie / Psychiatric / Distofuzzadelic)

The Place:

The Details:

If anyone has any more details, links that I missed, or a flyer, please let us know in the comments!