Category Archives: Rants in my pants

Bands vs. Venues: Who promotes? Who makes money? Can everyone “win”?

Posted on by Standard 11

Rick from the Fallout Shelter brought up a great discussion topic on Facebook, and it inspired me to blog about it.

That’s a private group on Facebook, so here’s what was said in case you’re not a member:

Rick D'Agostino Looking for some feedback from the music community out there. Do you think that the $5 cover charge keeps you or your friends from attending shows at the Fallout Shelter that they might otherwise attend to check out new bands? In other words, are folks only willing to pay a $5 cover to see bands that they already know? And as a band member, would you rather play to a larger crowd with a tip bucket or to just a few people and make some gas money? I am thinking of making some changes. you can reply here or message me if you want. thanks!

Rick D’Agostino is looking for some feedback from the music community out there..

Dig?  So now, you have the gist of it.  My blog may go on its own little tangent, you never really know with these things.  It’s certainly worth talking about.

First, it’s clear that I’ve never been in a band where making money is the ultimate goal.  I’m amazed over & over that venue owners let me come in, set up, and play in front of people.  Sometimes we get money from the door, sometimes we get money from tickets sold, sometimes we give it all to the touring band, sometimes it’s a charity gig, sometimes no one shows up to pay anyone, sometimes we get some gas money or a couple of bucks to dump back into merch or something.

This is how it’s worked nearly everywhere and every time I have played:  Most of the time, the cover is $3 to $5, unless we’re opening for a national act & it’s through a booker where we’re asked to sell tickets.  Some call the latter “pay to play“, and rail wholly against it.  Some people have no problem selling tickets.  Some bands like mine do, but we try anyway.  At bar gigs, the cover charge is usually $5.  Sometimes it all goes to the bands, especially if it’s a bar & if you provide your own door person.  Sometimes it pays for a sound guy (if there is one) & a cut goes to the bar, then the bands get paid.  Sometimes locals defer and let the out-of-town bands take the cash (if there is one).  Sometimes you can play for free at open stages, sometimes you pay to get in at open stages.  Sometimes no one comes out to see you, and no one gets paid.  Sometimes the band gets free or discounted drinks.  It’s generally a no pay or break even situation.  You hope to sell merchandise and/or CD‘s if you have them, and the bar hopes to sell drinks & food.  The bands should promote and the venues should promote.  Some venues think the bands should do it all, some bands think the venue should do it all.  Generally 3 or sometimes 4 bands are all on the same gig.  Sometimes, it all works out, sometimes… it doesn’t.  This is how bands who largely play their own music are forced to operate.

That’s only 1 way.  There are many other “scenes” here overlapping in the ‘Burgh.

Cover bands… or human jukebox bands, can generally charge a fee for playing a certain style, genre, or “songs that people know”.  This is to provide entertainment to drunken Yinzer patrons who want to yell out requests.  You probably usually play 3 sets, maybe 4… and you’re the only entertainment all night.  You’re probably playing pop country, classic rock, or a little mix of everything.  Professional singers/songwriters operate pretty much the same way as described above, but can get away with putting in more of their own material.

High-class…  I know a band that plays funk, and can get $5000 a gig at the least.  They put their twist on a bunch of songs, dress up, bring lights, and put on one hell of a show.  I’m pretty sure I could never command that much cash for what I do… but how is one less relevant or entertaining?  They do weddings, corporate parties, and “events”.

I’m sure there’s other stuff out there that I’m not even aware of.  I can’t really speak for any other parts of the scene than the one I’m in.

I’ve heard the argument that charging only $5 is devaluing our craft.  Bands should demand more to be heard live.  It worked for Yuengling.  They raised the price on their beer in the late 90s/early 00s and they took off ahead of the other “microbrews”.  Should we then put a higher value on ourselves & our art?  If we raise the price do we raise our expectations?  Do we raise our worth?  Do we raise the value of our music & entertainment?

I also see that a cover charge can make or break a show.  Times are changing.  People aren’t spending money on entertainment.  Music is seen like it’s all supposed to be free.  Why would someone pay for a live show?  To me, if you don’t have $5 on you for a show, maybe you shouldn’t be going to a bar in the 1st place.  $5 might get you 2 beers if you’re a butthole & don’t tip the bartender.  Then again, we hardly ever walk away with any money anyway (the Fallout Shelter is an exception here, we get paid well there, regardless of turnout), so why not let people in for free?

The tip bucket.  I’d play for one.  I have no doubt that we’re entertaining.  Why not, right?  Do all bands split the tip bucket?  Or go per performance?  That if the 1st band up gets all the cash & the “cleanup” band gets nothing simply because the patrons ran out of cash?  Are we nothing more than indoor buskers if we play for a tip jar?  Is it a better measurement of our entertainment value to work for tips?  Does it devalue our art to basically beg for donations to support the rock n’ roll cause?

I certainly don’t want to see my favorite venues close because they can’t afford to operate.  I like to play them, I like to see other bands in them… I want them to do well.  I want them to continue to host my band & other bands.  I even want them to make a buck so it’s all worth their while, and so they can do it to make a living.

I just want to play.  I don’t care where, or for how much.  I have fun doing it.  I think this is an important discussion to have, though.  What is the value of live rock n’ roll?

So…

  • Would you play for less of a cover charge?
  • Should we charge more for shows?
  • Should bands play for tips?
  • How should the tips be split?
  • How does the venue make money?
  • Who pays the sound guy?

Leave your opinions in the comments below!

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Dear Hotel Architects…

Posted on by Standard 6

I’m not an architect, or a contractor, or even a toilet salesman… but I think I’ve found a flaw in a certain type of hotel room / bathroom setup.  I’m no germaphobe, but I believe this design to be quite unsanitary.

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What design?  The sink outside of the bathroom design.

Sure, it’s convenient to shave or brush your teeth while someone else is pooping or showering… But at what cost do we purchase this convenience?  The cost of a bazillion tiny germs all over the inside of the door handle after you wipe and before you wash your hands.  Sure, you can grab an extra wad of toilet paper for your journey outside.  How many people do that though?  How much microscopic fecal matter is already on that door handle?  Did the maid think to wipe it down?  What if you forget after you get out of the shower?  You just washed yourself, and now your hand may venture into a feculent festival of filth.

Am I doing something wrong here?  Am I missing something?  Let’s get this right so I don’t have to touch poop-encrusted (albeit microbial poop) door handles.

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The Captain’s Back.

Posted on by Standard 2

Barnes Returns to Dormont Dogs

Barnes Returns to Dormont Dogs (Dormont-Brookline Patch)

So, you may remember my earlier blog post about Dormont Dogs, the Captain’s newsworthy actions, and the family.  If not, you may want to read that one first.  If so, you may want to check out this article from the Dormont-Brookline Patch:

It’s a great article, soiled by crude comments (as are many things found on the internet).  I’ve already shown my support by simply being a patron, been “vocal” about my support in blog form, and via comments.  I’d like to add some more thoughts here.

Captain committed some illegal acts.  He was arrested, sentenced, and served his time.  In the eyes of the law, he’s paid his due.  It should be settled there, but some of you apparently don’t agree.  You look for further condemnation for whatever reasons… a perceived higher moral standard, some internal guilt, jealousy if you felt you’ve ever been punished too harshly for something, or just plain anger.

Dormont Dogs on UrbanspoonCaptain has put it all out there.  He’s admitted guilt, apologized to his family & the community, and he’s ready to move on.  You can take the high road, and let him move past this & give him room to prove that he’s worthy of forgiveness.

Mainly, my whole message here is about forgiveness.  It’s a simple thing to think about, and to talk about…but it can be extremely difficult to ask for or to give. It doesn’t matter what the situation may be.  It doesn’t matter if it’s serious or simple.  It does no one any good to hold on to anger or any sort of grudge or agenda.

Most major religions teach forgiveness.  I believe there’s a dual purpose outside of the divine.  When you find it within yourself to drop the urge to pass judgement and forgive someone, a great weight is lifted off of you.  You can physically feel it if your anger or resentment is strong enough.  Try it.  Let go of the negative.  It doesn’t do anyone any good.  Leave judgement to the authorities and ultimately whatever higher power you subscribe to.

As for this current situation, a comment by Mike Jones sums it up nicely:

We can’t condone what he did, but it does take a lot of guts to stand up and apologize to the community for embarrassing it. Hopefully he is able to give back to Dormont in a way that would atone for his crimes more than probation or jailtime ever could.

An enlightened sentiment, eloquently stated.

To end on a light note…  Johnny Cash was all about forgiving and rehabilitation… all those prison concerts.  Who are we to argue with Johnny Cash?

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Ketchup Packets & Dip & Squeeze…

Posted on by Standard 3

I recently got this message via my contact form:

From: V Preboski <vpreboski@aol.com>
To: me@my.email.address
Sent: Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Subject: W(aL)D Feedback

Name: V Preboski

Email: vpreboski@aol.com

Message / Comment: Just wanted  to address this  issue I have with all fast food chains….Why can you make dipping containers for dipping sauces  bit not for ketchup  ????

How’d you find my blog?: Snooping around

Time: Tuesday August 28, 2012

IP Address: ##.##.##.##

Contact Form URL: https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/contact/

Sent by an unverified visitor to your site.

It’s a familiar subject to me.  I have ranted on the same subject in the past, long before the Heinz dip & squeeze packets came out.  Check out my old rant:

Ketchup / Catchup / Catsup / Katsup / Ketsup

Current mood:contemplative

 

KETCHUP PACKETS ARE SO 1900'S!

KETCHUP PACKETS ARE SO 1900’S!

Yup.  You know what I’m talking about.  I like it.  However you spell it.  I like Heinz Ketchup.  I would like to know wht fast food places like McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Chick-Fil-A, and Burger King don’t serve ketchup in the same little cups that they use to serve the dipping sauces for chicken nuggets.  WTF, fast food conglomorates?  Your packets do not help me eat french fries or waffle fries.  I usually have to make a mess on a napkin or tray paper to enjoy dipping my fries in sweet tomato and vinegar flavored heaven.  Why should I have to do this?  Get with the times!  Stop using antiquated ketchup packet technology!  It’s 2006, damnit!

I want to dip my fried salty potato product without making a mess!

Yes, I realize we still need packets for use on burgers and chicken sandwiches and what-not…  but why not design a new container that can be used to dip in… or used to squeeze the ketchup out?  Imagine if you were the fast food giant to jump on that first…  you could patent the product and dominate the ketchup distribution industry.  Other restaurants would have to bow to you once it caught on, and pay you for the right to use this space-age individual serving size ketchup containment and distribution system!

Okay.  I might seem a little extreme in my verbalization of the idea here.  But, imagine the possibilities.

How I would love to dip fries in ketchup that I did now have to squeeze out of a tube on to a piece of paper.  I mean, really?  Are you supposed to squeeze a drop out on to each fry individually, or what?

Wherever cheese is available for fries, it always comes in little dip-friendly containers.  Can you imagine cheese in packets?  The idea is just ridiculous you say?  I agree!  And, I submit to you the thought that ketchup in packets is just as ridiculous my friends.  Inside your restaurants, you even serve it out of pumps into those little paper cups.  What good do those cups do to a man on the go, or in the food court?  No, good I say.  No good indeed.

Think, my friends.  Think of ketchup.  Think of science.  Think of dining pleasure.  Think… of the future!

Here are some responses that I got from various sources…

The light bulb has been turned on…

Current mood:pleased

Remember my earlier blog/rant about ketchup packets?  Well, I e-mailed it to some fast food restaurants, and I have received some responses.  I thought I’d share:

From: Gayle Goshorn
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
Date: Feb 28, 2006 4:45 AM
Subject: TCF: Ketchup Container
TO:    Eric Aixelsyd
FROM:  Gayle Goshorn

Thank you for taking the time to write to us. I will pass your concerns on to our MTO Sales Manager about looking into ketchup containers.  Thank you and we do appreciate hearing from our customers.

Best Regards,
Gayle Goshorn

From: McDonaldsCorporation@mcd.com
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
Date: Mar 3, 2006 2:04 AM
Subject: Message from McDonald’s USA

Hello Eric:

Thank you for contacting McDonald’s and sharing your comments with us. We greatly appreciate this opportunity to address your concerns.

I’m sorry you were disappointed with our ketchup packets. At every McDonald’s we strive to deliver 100-percent Total Customer Satisfaction. With every customer, we’re committed to serving the highest quality products possible.

Because you are a valued customer, I have shared your comments with our Quality Assurance team. They work closely with our suppliers to ensure that all of our products are of the highest quality possible. Your complete satisfaction is our top priority.

Again, thank you for bringing this matter to our attention. We hope to have the opportunity of serving you again.

Tim
McDonald’s Customer Response Center

ref#:3441932

From: Chick-fil-A Cares

>Mailed-By: na.ko.com
Reply-To: Chick-fil-A Cares
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
Date: 6 Mar 2006 10:05:21 -0500
Subject: RE: Chick-fil-A Web Form Message

Dear Mr. Aixelsyd:

Thank you for taking the time to contact Chick-fil-A CARES.  Our customers are very important to us, and we appreciate their comments, questions, and suggestions.

Regarding your suggestion about offering ketchup containers, I hope you’ll find the following information helpful.

Every year we receive literally hundreds of ideas from customers regarding items they would like to see on our menu or offered at our restaurants.

We especially appreciate customers who take the time to share their thoughts and ideas with us.  Thank you for the product suggestion.  We will keep the idea of adding ketchup containers in our future product discussions.

We thank you again for your time and interest and look forward to seeing you in one of our local Chick-fil-A restaurants soon.  As a token of appreciation for your time and effort, I’ll be sending you one “Chick-fil-A CARES” guest card which should arrive at your provided address in 7 to 10 business days.  Don’t hesitate to let us at Chick-fil-A CARES know should you need our assistance again.  Have a nice day!

Sincerely,
Kim W.
Chick-fil-A CARES
Chick-fil-A…We Didn’t Invent The Chicken, Just The Chicken Sandwich.
On the Web at www.chick-fil-a.com

P.S.  Please retain your Thread ID in the message body.  This will help us locate your information should you need us again.

[THREAD ID:1-EP8FBH]

Heinz's 'Dip & Squeeze,' introduced in 2011 as a 'true packaging breakthrough.' The top portion can be torn off to apply ketchup; the bottom can be peeled back for dipping.

Heinz’s ‘Dip & Squeeze,’ introduced in 2011 as a ‘true packaging breakthrough.’ The top portion can be torn off to apply ketchup; the bottom can be peeled back for dipping.

Basically, I had the idea… as did many others, but they didn’t want to pay any of us for it.  At first, only Chick-fil-A had the new dip & squeeze packets around the ‘Burgh, but I believe the McDonald’s in Bridgeville just started using them, not sure about others.

So Mr./Ms. Pebroski, I can say the time has come… a new ketchup packet has arrived.  More people just need to start using it.

I’m not sure if I have helped, how I could possibly help, or why you wrote to me, but I’m glad you did!  I hope this answers your question(s).

Seems like I even contacted Heinz, but I can’t find the first message:

From: <Heinzconsumeraffairs@us.hjheinz.com>
Date: Tue, Feb 16, 2010 at 2:58 PM
Subject: Re: In Response to your Website Comments – Ref # 003141412A HEINZ/JNEEL
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

February 16, 2010

Dear Eric,

Thank you for your comments about our Heinz Dip & Squeeze ketchup!

We understand your excitement – we can hardly wait for this breakthrough packaging to find Heinz Ketchup lovers, like yourself, so you can enjoy it even more on-the-go.

Heinz Dip & Squeeze is an exciting evolution of the ketchup packet which was introduced 42 years ago –-and a new, fun way for Americans to enjoy the ketchup they’ve loved for over a century.

Heinz Dip & Squeeze is just beginning to roll out into the marketplace with plans to have it nationwide by the end of 2010.   It is currently available at select quick service restaurants in the Midwest and Southeast, with additional markets and partners planned for the coming months.

Thanks so much for sharing your comments – we’ll certainly make sure they are passed on to our Packaging and Marketing staff.

Heinz Consumer Resource Center
Heinzconsumeraffairs@us.hjheinz.com

When contacting us, please refer to the following reference number: 003141412A

HEINZ/JNEEL

I must have submitted that via webform, so I wrote back:

From: ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Feb 17, 2010 at 10:11 AM
Subject: Re: In Response to your Website Comments – Ref # 003141412A HEINZ/JNEEL
To: Heinzconsumeraffairs@us.hjheinz.com

Dear Heinz Consumer Resource Center,

Well, thank you for the response.  I can’t help but wonder why the product wasn’t rolled out here in Pittsburgh?  I mean, Pittsburgh certainly appreciates all things, Heinz… no?  I mean, the the name brand is almost synonymous with the region.  I love the animated neon sign now visible on my way from destinations north of the city toward my home in Dormont through the Liberty Tubes.  I can’t count the times I’ve been to Heinz field for varying events.  I have ketchup bottle & pickle pins somewhere at home.  I even have a tiny Heinz ketchup bottle (“liberated” from a hotel in Knoxville, TN) in with my antique beer/pop bottle collection.

I’ve ranted at the turnpike plazas along the highway in Ohio on my way to Cleveland, because they have the audacity to serve some kind of generic “Fancy Ketchup” and not Heinz so close to the ‘Burgh.  You can hardly buy Hunt’s ketchup if you tried in local stores… and really who in their right mind would try?

Why weren’t the yinzers given first access to this new ketchup delivery technology? Heinz and ‘Yinz‘ even end in the same 3 letters!  Pittsburghers know ketchup, my friends.  Why wasn’t this rolled out on the home turf for a test run or to show some Yinzer pride and appreciation?

Thank you for your time, I look forward to your reply!

Thanks,
-Eric

Of course they wrote back again…

From: <Heinzconsumeraffairs@us.hjheinz.com>
Date: Wed, Mar 3, 2010 at 2:06 PM
Subject: Re: In Response to your Website Comments – Ref # 003141412B HEINZ/JNEEL
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

March 3, 2010

Dear Eric,

Thank you for your additional comments about the new Heinz Dip n Squeeze cups.

Unfortunately we have no time table for when the product is rolling out here in Pittsburgh. We are as eager as you are to find these in our favorite restaurants. Keep watching, they should make their debut by the end of the year.

You may like to know that there is a Heinz Ketchup facebook page. There are lots of interesting facts to be found there as well as comments by Heinz Ketchup fans from all over the world.

Thanks again for contacting us.  We appreciate your interest.

Heinz Consumer Resource Center
Heinzconsumeraffairs@us.hjheinz.com

When contacting us, please refer to the following reference number: 003141412B

HEINZ/cl

From: <Heinzconsumeraffairs@hjheinz.com>
Date: Thu, Mar 4, 2010 at 10:50 AM
Subject: Re: In Response to your Website Comments – Ref # 003141412C KWHITE/JNEEL
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

March 4, 2010

Dear Eric,

Thank you for your email to our Communications Team.  They have asked Consumer Affairs to respond.

While not currently available in Pittsburgh, yinz should know that Heinz did test the product very first with some of our loyal consumers here at home during the Fall of 2009.  People gave Dip & Squeeze a big thumbs up!  It was a big hit.

Hopefully this makes you feel better because we do appreciate the hometown crowd.

Like you, those of us in Pittsburgh are waiting with bated breath to have the chance to get Dip & Squeeze and use it while we’re on the go.  Stay tuned and thanks for being one of our loyal consumers.  Have you friended us on Facebook?  If not, please join in the fun.

Karen
Heinz Consumer Resource Center
When contacting us, please refer to the following reference number: 003141412C

KWHITE/cl

Crazy.

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The Tunnel Monster may have eaten me by now…

Posted on by Standard 3

Pittsburgh tunnel

Pittsburgh tunnel (Photo credit: glowingfish)

OK, so remember my post about the Pittsburgh Tunnel Monster & the artist renderings?  Well, I just got this reply.  It came a little late, and it came from someone who couldn’t pick up on the fact that I was goofing around.  I mean, I don’t even know how I should respond to this.  Should I tell them, or keep it going?  Surely a quick Google search of my email address or “Pittsburgh Tunnel Monster” would have landed you here?  I kind of feel bad that this cat didn’t “get” it.

I poked around several forums and web pages until I found email addresses or forums or anywhere where I could post my goofiness.  They mostly all fell entirely flat (Fail 1/Fail 2/Fail 3).  This email eventually found someone, I guess.

Oh well, here’s the reply:

From: The Cryptid Hunters <thecryptidhunters@gmail.com>

Date: Fri, Aug 3, 2012
Subject: Re: The Pittsburgh Tunnel Monster
To: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>

Hello, and thank you for emailing The Cryptid Hunters.

Firstly, allow me to introduce myself. I’m Raptorguy14, currently the only active member of this group. We used to have several people, but they’ve since become inactive. I’ve been thinking many times about reviving this group, and I may do that soon, but for now I can only investigate reports of cryptids in the Western United States.

Secondly, I, nor anyone else in this group, do not represent MonsterQuest or anything/anyone affiliated with it. I understand that the link to our email is on the History Channel website, so I apologize for any confusion. We are simply a group of amateur cryptid hunters.

Thirdly, the photos definitely appear to be fake. I know that you said they are artist renderings, but I’m certain that it’s impossible for creatures that look like those “renderings” in the photos to exist. After some preliminary research online, I can conclude that the Pittsburgh Tunnel Monster is likely a hoax, an urban legend, as no solid evidence has turned up yet. As I said, I would be open to investigating, but at this time I can only investigate cryptid reports in the Western United States (specifically the Intermountain West). I will try to find somebody to investigate, but I find it unlikely that any evidence will turn up. More than likely it’s just a myth that makes drivers be more cautious in the tunnel, as tunnels can be very dangerous places if certain driving precautions are not taken.

~Raptorguy14

I guess I should write back.

Also, if I neglected to post your artist rendering, please send it again!  I was sitting on a few until I had another related post… wanna make sure I don’t miss any.  Here’s one from Valley of Steel‘s Eric Yano:

Flying Tunnel Monster (by Eric Yano)

Flying Tunnel Monster (by Eric Yano)

https://twitter.com/suburbsasquatch/status/195707700351479812?iid=am-85321533413354953266169787&nid=4+status_timestamp&uid=89820926

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So, I need help with my résumé.

Posted on by Standard 11

I rarely ever blog about or post on social media about work.  My work life is work, and my personal life is personal.  I’ve never felt the need to discuss, vent about, or provide detail about my job.  I’m going to go ahead and break with that for this post.

Unfortunately, the time has come where I need to update my resume.  About a year and a half ago, the company that I was working for was sold, shut down, & liquidated.  A core group of people decided to try to move on & start a company in the same industry, and I was invited to be a part of it.  I was honored to be asked to participate, and glad to be gainfully employed.  Sadly, things didn’t pan out as planned, and the company is also in the process of shutting down.  Basically, I’m no worse off than I was a year ago.

At that time, I had an updated resume, and went on my first job interview in a long time.  I was offered employment elsewhere.  It may have worked, but the pay wasn’t where it needed to be for me to comfortably continue to pay rent and put food on the table.  I went with the group I knew & salary I needed.  I have no regrets, I’m just illustrating that I don’t have much job interview experience, but it has mostly all been positive.

Basically, I’ve been at the same job for 10 or so years.  In 2002, I started at an a/v integration company as the shipping guy.  That company was purchased in 2005 and I was hired by the new company, which closed in 2011.  Then on to the newest one where I was doing all slight variations of the same thing.  I liked my work, it was a nice mix of desk/paperwork & physical warehouse work sometimes, it was always different & challenging.  I have learned many rules, processes, & things about the equipment over the years.  I was able to adapt to many changes, and survived them all (up until now).

I need help with my resume.  I think I first updated this format in 2005, when it looked like I may have needed to search for other employment.  (Luckily, I was able to work temporarily for the new company, proved my merit, and was hired full time.)  In 2012 this format may be stale.  I’m not big on titles.  I call myself a “shipping guy” but I do much more than that.  I have more skills than a simple shipping guy needs.  I hate phrases like “team player”.  I am, but it sounds goofy.  Who reads that & doesn’t roll their eyes?  I’m generally not boastful (other than in jest), but this is one time when you need to be.  There’s a lot riding on a resume.  It gets your foot in the door.

I’m confident in my writing (thanks to this blog), but thrown into a resume it looks braggadocios, fragmented, & boring.  I love bullet points, but breaking things down into them, I feel like I lose cohesion.

I need this to grab someone’s attention, highlight what I can do & what I can offer, and get me a job.

Eric AiXeLsyD with the Batmobile

I have a lot of skills in my utility belt.

What do I want to do?  I’m certainly qualified for shipping, warehousing, and inventory jobs… entry level or supervisory.  Sadly, entry level pay may no longer be acceptable.  I could certainly do something else though.  I’m a quick learner.  I’d love to get paid for this writing / blogging / insanity thing (I mean… show/album/food reviews, photos, humor, goofy letters? I can do a bunch of stuff there).  Unfortunately I don’t have a degree.  Can you get one in shipping?  Certainly 10 years experience in shipping I would have learned anything that I could in 2 or 4 years of school?  I do have some training in graphic design & commercial art, I have experience in drafting (by hand even… does anyone remember that?), some talents that have yet to get me paid like drawing mazes and photography, and I recently completed classes in Microsoft Project… so I could even fill a “Jr. Project Manager” type role where I can learn as I go.  I’m certainly adept with computers, know old school (& also useless) html coding, and can pick things up rather quickly with any kind of program.  I can promote things like my band, the blog, and Food Allergies like mad online.  I think I’d be a good PR person, I just lack formal training or experience.  Maybe it’s time for something different.

So, I need help with my resume.  What works, what doesn’t?  1 page?  2 pages?  If  so, how do I fit it all on one or to pages (I think it kicks into an atrocious 3 now)?  What do I need to express?  Do I need a cheesy cover letter?  Do letters of recommendation help?  References right on the resume, or “provided by request”?  3 Personal/3 professional?  3 total?  Cover letter?  No cover letter?  Cover paragraph?

I’m laying it all out here and asking for your help.  Take a look at this resume and tell me what you think?

Please help me with my resume!

Click to check it out at Google Docs…

Please excuse the format, it needs a new look… something anyway, and Google Docs may have messed with it a bit.  Other than that though… I ask you to be honest, brutal, constructive, and hopefully helpful.

Also… know anyone that’s hiring?  Are you hiring?  Point me in the right direction here.  I’m confident in my in-person interviews, and with anyone that already knows me or has worked with me.

Thanks in advance for your help.  I need to start hitting up InDeed, PA Career Link, etc. with my resume.  I know I have a lot of friends, family & readers that can help me out here.  It would be crazy to not use all of the resources at my disposal, right?

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Seriously; I’m not McDonald’s, but I will try to help.

Posted on by Standard 8

It’s happening again.  Someone thinks I’m McDonald’s and that my website is printed on McDonald’s receipts.  This is the message that was in my inbox on Friday night:

From: Jay Culp <culp915@comcast.net>
To: me@my.email.address
Sent: Friday, July 27, 2012 8:45 PM
Subject: W(aL)D Feedback

Name: Jay Culp
Email: culp915@comcast.net
Website: http://google
Message / Comment: I was up mcdonalds on walnut street in mckeesport bout 2 months ago they messed up my whole order i called up there took my name address was suppose to seed me coupons bout never got them order 2 big mac got big macs w tomatoes and order 4 mcchichens w kep only they had everything on them was just wondering how long i got to wait for my coupons.
How’d you find my blog?: on recreipt

Time: Friday July 27, 2012 at 8:45 pm
IP Address: ##.##.###.###
Contact Form URL: https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/contact/
Sent by an unverified visitor to your site.

I wrote back with this:

From: Waldo Lunar world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
Date: Mon, Jul 30, 2012
Subject: Re: W(aL)D Feedback
To: culp915@comcast.net

Hello Jay,

Sadly… I am not McDonald’s.  Well, sadly for you & many others… not so sadly for me.  Although, I would perhaps enjoy the salary of a sole McDonald’s executive let alone the company as a whole. Although, if you own Google like the website field suggests, you know what I mean, my friend.  You could by and sell my economically-challenged ass.

I guess though, that you apparently used Google to find my website.  Thisperplexes me though, and has on multiple occasions:

“How’d you find my blog?: on recreipt”

I’m pretty sure that no area McDonald’s locations print my website address on their receipts.  If they do, they need to pay me for customer service services rendered.  After all, I do reply until the situation is resolved (on my end anyway).

I’m guessing that a manager’s email address (not a website) was printed on your receipt.  I’m guessing you Googled that email address and it brought you to my site because that address or a similar one appears on my blog.

As a general rule of thumb… if it contains the “@” symbol, it’s an email address.  A lot of websites are preceded by “http://&#8221; or “www.” but not always.  A website would end in “.com”, “.net”, .”org”, or something similar & would not contain any “@” symbols.

Entering either a website or an email address into Google will search for that website or email address.  If you’d like to go directly to the website, enter that into the address bar of your favorite web browswer.  If you’d like to email someone, enter their address in the “To:” filed of Outlook, other mail client, or in your webmail… however you choose to access email.

If you can reply to me with the exact text written on your receipt, I will be glad to write to McDonald’s on your behalf.  I have experienced some success in dealing with fast food companies & getting coupons or other free stuff.  We, the little people, must band together against such mega-corporations who want nothing more than to take our money and treat us like the cattle they serve.

Certainly two months is a reasonable time in which to receive coupons as an apology to poor service.  Your order seems reasonable… although correct me if I’m wrong but McChicken sandwiches don’t normally have ketchup and Big Macs don’t normally have tomatoes.  It’s an interesting flavor palette you bring forth.  I may have to try it.  Ever have a McChicken with the sweet & sour nugget sauce?  That is fantastic.  It’s even better at Wendy’s with their chicken sandwich & sweet & sour sauce.  And, if you’re not swept up in the current Chick-fil-A controversy, I’d go for their sandwich with the honey mustard sauce.  Some older crazy lady always tries to push the Chick-fil-A Sauce on me, but she’s nuts… the Honey Mustard is far superior.  Also, I still miss the Arch Deluxe… especially when it had round bacon… not Canadian bacon, but round normal American bacon… with black pepper.  That sandwich was the work of a genius.

I haven’t been to McKeesport in quite a while.  I was at a recording studio there years ago and someone’s car got broken into while we were all inside rocking out.  I had a drink or two at the Elbow Room that was across the street.  Funny name… although inside it had a nautical theme… which didn’t seem to fit the name.  I guess elbows everywhere would have been creepy.

I’m sorry, I seem to get off track easily.  I’m guessing you didn’t take the tiem to read my blog when you landed there after your Google search.  Instead, you went directly to the “Contact” page.  I like that.  I see you’re all business.  The title World (and Lunar) Domination at the top didn’t even deter you.

You might want to check out these blog posts though…

I can’t really offer up anything else as proof that ⓐ I’m not Mcdonald’s and ⓑ My website isn’t on the receipt.

I seriously would like to help out though, if I can.  If you could reply with a photo or scan of the receipt, or simply just type the address/phone/email address in the reply, I’ll write to them on your behalf… Cc:ing you and keeping you in the loop.  I tried to help Jane, but never heard if that situation was resolved.  Some people are just ungrateful for assistance, I guess.

I hope this message finds you well, and that you have a good day, my friend.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Excelsior!

Waldo Lunar
Professional Customer Service Liaison, Esq.
W(aL)D

P.S. – Ever want to “Crop-Dust” at a restaurant when people are being exceptionally rude?

A McDonald's McChicken sandwich.

A McDonald’s McChicken sandwich. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I wonder if I’ll get a reply?  I’d love it if this guy actually wants my help and provides a valid email address to someone at the McKessport McDonald’s.  How do you think they’d respond to a 3rd party?  They never did thank me for helping to get that one fryer-cleaner company paid.

Looks like you can actually contact the McKeesport McDonald’s via Webform: http://www.mcpennsylvania.com/2842/contact/manager/

But, how fun is that?  None at all, I say.

Really though, “I was up McDonald’s…” How Yinzer is that?  Fantastic.  Let’s hope that this isn’t another fake message, and that Mr. Culp writes back.

The Arch Deluxe composition from an advertisement

The Arch Deluxe composition from an advertisement (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Lack of posts, & the dumbest product ever.

Posted on by Standard 9

LIVE MUSIC! SAT. JUNE 23 THE FALLOUT SHELTER.NET ROCK- ERNIE AND THE BERTS & FRIENDS

The sign outside of Sheffield Lanes/The Fallout Shelter in Aliquippa, PA this weekend.

I’ve noticeably slowed down with blogging.  Perhaps I was blogging too much before.  Real life has been happening lately.  The band played twice this weekend, my real job has been taxing, etc. Perhaps I’ll find inspiration more often in the days to come. 

Like this…

Groupon has successfully  shown me what I believe to be the absolute dumbest product ever:

Car Lashes ...Wait, car-freaking-lashes?

Car Lashes …Wait, car-freaking-lashes?

I could rant about it, but do I really need to?  There would a a Herbie/Love Bug joke, pointing out that putting them on a BMW decreases the value/classiness of the car, maybe a joke about truck nuts & just maybe a reference to the movie Cars even though I’ve never seen it.  Maybe even a joke about the dude I saw on My Strange Addiction who makes love to his car for the crowd who likes it blue.  Maybe even an Optimus Prime humping your car joke.  I have finally found something more annoying than flags on cars & more decorative than the mysterious stickermobile.  If you’re going to glue stupid stuff to your car, go all the way.

If there are any people out there with money to waste on stupid things, I’m taking donations so I can buy a Flycaster.

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Everything Changes but Guitars? I disagree.

Posted on by Standard 26

I saw this graphic online through Guitar Fail the other day, & again through Guitar Squid:

Stratocaster Evolution / Everything Changes but Guitars (I wish I knew the original source.)

Stratocaster Evolution / Everything Changes but Guitars (I wish I knew the original source.)

At first, it made me laugh and think “humph, yeah…” in agreement.  The more I thought about it though… it’s wrong. How is it wrong?

Well as far as concept cars go, it’s a whole different world from everyday-use practical cars.  Nothing has gone all that far from 4 wheels, 2 headlights, gasoline powered.  (Yes, there are hybrids and flex-fuel all over the market… but arguably people don’t like them unless they look like “normal” cars.)  But, this blog isn’t about cars.  I’m sure you knew I was going to talk guitars, because that’s what I do.

There are a ridiculous amounts of varying styles of guitars & guitar innovations out there.  Some of them may not be “reinventing the wheel” exactly, but there is always some great stuff happening, and there has been since the inception of the stringed instrument.  How do you think we got so many varieties?

Krank Amplification | Evolution Of The Electric Guitar

Krank Amplification | Evolution Of The Electric Guitar

I agree that too many axe-slingers fall into the Stratocaster or Les Paul shape trap.  For years I held a disdain for both shapes… but I come back to them.  Why?  Perhaps they’re good designs.  Perhaps they’re iconic.  Perhaps they sound incredible.  Perhaps they work.  There are many other options out there.  If you find yourself chuckling to and agreeing with this graphic, I challenge you to help me to add to my list of innovative guitars.

Any fans of the Guitarz Blog, Tone Fiend, Guitar WTF?, or gUitarREN should be into this.  (Any cool guitar blogs I’m missing?)

Let’s talk about how the guitar is ever-evolving… Shape, materials, string count, innovation, & general insanity.

Indy Custom - Flycaster (Tele-V) Telecaster Flying V Hybrid

Indy Custom Flycaster (or Tele-V?)

There are lots of shapes out there past the Stratocaster or Les Paul, whether it’s somewhat normal or custom insanity.  There’s the SG, the Telecaster, V’s (Flying, Jackson & more), hollowbodies like the Artcore or Gretsch models, the Explorer, the Ravelle, all the crazy B.C. Rich shapes, the Airline, even the Flycaster.  Are there really not enough guitar design shapes out there to satisfy you?  The Stratocaster doesn’t need to change shape, because there are plenty of other options out there!  I’m barely hitting the tip of the iceberg here.  I didn’t even touch on my B.B. Stone, FlipOut, or Batman axes.  How many distinct guitar shapes can you name in the comments?  (Actual produced shapes, not one-offs!)  Bonus for posting or linking to photos.

There’s also material.  Certainly guitars are mostly made of all types of wood, but there’s also plastic, graphite, Res-O-Glass (fiberglass), the Lucite / plexiglass / acrylic transparent guitars, aluminum necks, and so much more.

Once we get past the plethora of guitar makes, models, & shapes available… there are so many other innovations.  Some are great, some not-so great.  Just off the top of my head I can think of:  Synthesizer & MIDI Guitars, Fretlights, 7/8/12 strings, double neck guitars, the chord buddy, the Coral Sitar, built-in-wireless, the robot guitar, 3D printed guitars, Evertune… but none of them have really busted the mold (yet).  They’re all niche stuff.  This doesn’t even get into the many styles of bridges, tuners, tremolos, locks, and other parts that have been refined… or wiring.  You can get CRAZY with wiring.

World's Largest Playable Guitar being set up at the Carnegie Science Center (Pittsburgh, PA)

World’s Largest Playable Guitar being set up at the Carnegie Science Center – Pittsburgh, PA (Photo Credit: Kara / @ohidontthinkso)

The traveling guitar exhibit is at the Carnegie Science Center in Pittsburgh right now.  I can’t wait to check it out.  It’s got the world’s largest playable guitar.  I was lucky enough to get a preview the other day via Twitter.  Tell me that’s not an innovation?  It will no doubt inspire many to pick up the guitar, or dust off the one they already have.  The entire exhibit displays guitars, how they work, their history, & all kinds of fun interaction.

So, next time you think that the guitar has become stagnant, I ask you to go get your hands one one of the many non Strat options above… or even a non-standard Strat option… like a Fat Strat, hot-rodded wiring, or a backwards one.  There are plenty of different, innovative, and goofy guitars out there.  Rock out on something original!

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Best Buy, Bed Bath & Beyond, Beeps, & Buzzers ⌨

Posted on by Standard 2

Well, I sent what I thought were going to be two rather fun emails, but they have both gone unanswered.  Wow.  What a giant dud.  As my wife constantly reminds me, I certainly find myself amusing.  So, in that spirit I thought I’d share these emails anyway.  Perhaps you’ll chuckle too.

The first was to Best Buy via their form online and to the Twelpforce email address:

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, May 31, 2012
Subject: A Formal Apology
To: twelpforce@bestbuy.com

Greetings Best Buy Associates,

I write to you today to offer a formal apology.  I have lived with guilt for many years, and I would like to be able to clear my conscience.  Sadly, you literally asked for what you got, but you certainly didn’t deserve it my friends.  I beg you in advance to not unleash the wrath of the Twelpforce or Geek Squad upon my humble self.

Do you remember the commercials from about ten or so years ago that begged one to come in & play with all of the electronics in the store?  Well, I said you asked for it.  You did.  I simply complied.

I went into one of your stores, and tried my best to restrain my maniacal laughter as I set all of the alarm clocks & clock radios to go off at different intervals after the store closed.  Some were 5 minutes, some where 10 or even 20.  It was incredibly hard to stifle my giggles and pretend like I was incredibly interested in these timepieces.  I don’t know how no one noticed.  Now I can’t get 10 feet into a Best Buy door without a blue-shirted hawk swooping in to ask if I need help, and I’ll get asked every 3 feet after that if I turn it down.  Perhaps shenanigans like mine are why?

At one time, I wished that I could have been around to see the chaos.  Okay, maybe I still do.  Perhaps a master switch would have cut the power to all of them after the first one went off.  I won’t pretend to know the internal machinations of such a colossal retail empire.  Perhaps I made a memory for that team and brought them together through adversity in the name of silencing alarm clocks.  Perhaps it is a good story to tell trainees, or it may have even been forgotten over time.  I was much younger & more brash then.  I thought I knew everything.  I thought the world was my playground. To be blunt, I was an arrogant young miscreant.  I don’t remember if it was planned, or spur of the moment.

I’m sure that when the internet was still “new”, I set more than a few of your browsers to my old band’s web page & walked away.  I did this in every store though, not just Best Buy.  I won’t apologize for that.  A pimp’s got to pimp, right?

I would like to offer an apology to Best Buy as a corporation, the Best Buy employees startled and/or annoyed that day (and their families), and to all of the Best Buy associates that have joined the team since that day (somewhere between 2000 and 2002).  I believe this was at the Greensburg PA location across from Westmoreland Mall.  Please pass this along to them, if there are any left that may have been working that day.  I have seen the err of my ways, and I can live with the guilt no longer!

Thank you for your time, I hope you find it within you to pass along forgiveness for this egregious behavior.

Regretfully,
-Waldo Lunar

The next one was to Bed Bath & Beyond via their webform:

Do you remember those Best Buy commercials from 10 or so years ago where they asked you to come in & try the stuff out?

I did.  I went in one night & set all of their alarm clocks to go off about 5, 10, 15, or 20 minutes after closing.  I bet it was hilarious.  I only wish I had been there to see it.  I bet that happened often.

I noticed that you have a lot of kitchen timers and egg timers.  What time do you close?

Thanks,
-Waldo

I thought it was funny.  Apparently Best Buy and Bed Bath & Beyond did not.  I did get the standard “we got your message, someone will write back with in 3 days” replies, over a week ago.  I really thought Best Buy would come out with a witty intelligent retort.  You’d think an electronics company would be helmed by geeks who found humor in such ridiculousness.  Bed Bath & Beyond apparently do not go too far into the beyond part.  Oh well.

Best Buy

Best Buy (Photo credit: Ron Dauphin)

English: A Bed Bath and Beyond store in a shop...

Bed Bath and Beyond (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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