This morning, I was emboldened by a comment on an old blog post where I drew a maze and sent it to Conagra to accuse them of lying to the people about discontinuing their delicious Teriyaki sauce in favor of pushing a gross one filled with seeds.

Commenter Cory told me that there is a Change.org petition to bring it back. My most-likely delusional headcanon is that I definitely got Totino’s to change their microwave instructions. So, of course, we will push this forward so I can restore my Teriyaki stuff to its former glory. Here, we double-down on things that really have no consequence or significance. This is World (and Lunar) Domination.

The closest thing I have found is the Essential Everyday brand that I got from Shop ‘n Save, and there are always rumors of them closing and becoming yet another Giant Eagle.

If you’re also a fan of inconsequential chaos and delicious Teriyaki, please follow the saga, and sign the petition!

• Beer Chips, Yuengling Lager Sauce, & La Choy Teriyaki Sauce. [October 16, 2009] · I write to ask Giant Eagle why they no longer have my tasty stuff.
• The Yuengling Sauce and the LaChoy Teriyaki Sauce were discontinued. [October 22, 2009] · Giant Eagle writes back. (They are liars, because I definitely was able to get it after that.)
• Teriyaki Stuff [November 19, 2023] Why I want this sauce.
• La Choy Teriyaki Terror [December 8, 2023] · I sent a maze to La Choy (Conagra) to literally illustrate my fristration at not being able to find their sauce.
• Conagra Ruins Christmas. [December 22, 2023] · Multiple replies of severe disinterest.

Others have awakened:

• r/HelpMeFind | La Choy Teriyaki Sauce & Marinade
• r/TopSecretRecipes | La Choy teriyaki sauce – OLD recipe
• Food.com | Restaurant Teriyaki Sauce · Maybe this is close?
• r/teriyaki | La Choy Teriyaki Sauce & Marinade · OK, I made that post.
• Iamamother.com | La choy teriyaki sauce substitute
• Change.org | Reinstate the Discontinued La Choy Teriyaki Sauce Marinade by La Choy

Also, try to solve the maze, and post in the comments or post it & tag me (& Conagra) on social media!